back to article Doctor Who: Nigel Farage-alike bogey beast terrorises in darkly comic Sleep No More

Readers please note: THIS IS A POST-UK BROADCAST REVIEW – THERE WILL BE SPOILERS! When someone tells you not to look, what do you do? Stare incessantly, of course. Mark Gatiss – dark comedy master and the writer of this week's episode, Sleep No More – knows this only too well. And with a monster to boot that has the same …

  1. harimanjaro
    Headmaster

    "...which gift humans with..."

    Come on, we've got a perfectly good word: "give". Unless you're a sports journalist it's time to stop this madness.

    1. Notas Badoff

      My gift to you

      I've never had a problem with this use of the word, but then again, my foreign language was German, so...

      Gift: poison, venom, toxin, bane.

      Think "Snow White" and a beautiful apple for you, my dear.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Sorry...

      ...about high-jacking this thread but...

      ...I thought that most of this series, up to now, was execrable, but now words fail me; have we all become faeces connoisseurs?

      That El Reg commentards are arguing over subtleties between turds is very depressing; we're supposed to be smart people - why else would we be visiting a tech-oriented web-site? This episode so full of tech-holes, right from the-get-go, like a group of elite (because they're on a rescue mission?) military who argue and bicker like nine year-olds, to the need for 'Gravity generators' to stay in orbit - FFS!

      (and I don't use shrieks wantonly)

      We had a glimpse of what Who could be, with Capaldi's performance at the end of the last episode, where he stepped out the the cartoon character to become a believable entity, transforming caricature to plausible.

      This is the tragedy of the current series; in engaging Capaldi to play the Doctor, the Who series could have been transformed, much along the lines as how 'Bond' has been transformed by Daniel Craig i.e. from caricature to plausible.

      1. cream wobbly
        Mushroom

        Re: Sorry...

        Sorry, butt you'll have to remind me which episode Capaldi had a "performance" in. I think this episode's monsters were highly representative of the skill he has brought to the main role: an open-mouthed, turd-shaped, sleep in the corner.

        You're absolutely spot on with the vast number of jarring technological holes. I don't mind a bit of "magic" but for things like dust? jeez, we have a good scientific understanding of dust, and it doesn't act as a camera platform for nano-cameras, nor is there any recognizable legend of such things. The body's waste materials do not spontaneously form into living creatures of any size.

        If any one of these faults had been explained away, it wouldn't be so bad, but there would still be all the rest. A story can only stand so many problems before it all falls apart.

        That, coupled with the wooden acting, really lets down the serious. This is the worst Doctor, and I started with the third.

  2. Bob Vistakin
    Happy

    Doctor Who and the dustmen

    Had a nice ring to it. Well, my old man thought so anyway.

    1. Afernie

      Re: Doctor Who and the dustmen

      Hats. Hats are cool. And Gore-blimey trousers.

  3. heyrick Silver badge

    I'm happy...

    ...as Doc was continually saying that nothing makes sense, I was expecting to see them all wake up from the sleep pods and none of it was real. I'm glad they avoided this route.

    @ x 7: Downvote because some people might tend to avoid the official sites (spoilers) and would rather watch the story "fresh" without knowing what may come. So...thanks for that.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Apart from the chance to offer a gratuitous insult to Farage...

    What on earth has this got top do with UKIP?

    Or is it the bigotry of the author showing through?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Apart from the chance to offer a gratuitous insult to Farage...

      Have an upvote.

      Given the awful events in Paris, a bit more UKIP thinking and a bit less Merkel thinking might be required.

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
        Thumb Down

        Re: Apart from the chance to offer a gratuitous insult to Farage...

        "Given the awful events in Paris, a bit more UKIP thinking and a bit less Merkel thinking might be required."

        A totally unrelated and stupid comment on your part. Cameron making headlines because the UK had a small part in the recent US drone execution/assassination is more likely to attract an ISIS attack than being part of the EU

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Apart from the chance to offer a gratuitous insult to Farage...

          Wake up and smell the roses John Brown, you might think differently if that were your wife, brother, sister or child in Paris that night. These people are not liberal like you or I and will not hesitate in executing you, you cannot reason with fanatics.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Apart from the chance to offer a gratuitous insult to Farage... @AC

            you might think differently if that were your wife, brother, sister or child in Paris that night.

            Yeah, 'cos it is well known that people consumed with grief (or fear or anger) make superb decisions and their thought processes really are ones we should all try to emulate at all times.

            you cannot reason with fanatics.

            Very true, so I wont try. You are just wrong. Is that better?

          2. Danny 2

            Re: Apart from the chance to offer a gratuitous insult to Farage...

            "you might think differently if that were your wife, brother, sister or child in Paris that night"

            This is unbelievable admittedly, but true none the less. My ex was the volunteer doctor in that theatre for about a decade before I met her until after she dumped me circa 2002. All French venues require an active doctor. She was technically raised as a Muslim but not as you or the terrorists would recognise, and she may not even have been there or in France that awful night. But I am very worried, I haven't traced her or several other Parisian pals yet. I've just got an email lead on one of them that may help me find out if most of them are okay, but so far that's all I have just now. A hope for more info. later.

            I can cling to that in lieu of facts. I am fearful tonight for people I loved, not a wife or child admittedly, but still, people who shaped me. I hope that they contact me when they eventually think of me, because it is unlikely I can contact them just now. I sort of get social media for the first time.

            I've suffered this waiting worry before, my best friend out of contact for a few days after the Bali bomings, my sister and her children in the London bombings. I know they have better things to do than phone me of all people, I get that.

            And I get the fear you feel when you hear that one of these terrorists was a fake refugee as you doubtless predicted. I'm not intimidated at all though, because the majority of the Parisians I'm worrying about were themselves refugees.

            You and we are facing a murderous terrorist group, a heavily armed criminal gang called Daesh. Not a 'clash of cultures', not an existential threat, not an actual state. I bet you own a 'Keep Calm and Carry On' mug or poster or T shirt. Read it, and weep.

            Don't let psychopaths change your reasonable political views, or else they win.

          3. heyrick Silver badge

            Re: Apart from the chance to offer a gratuitous insult to Farage...

            "Wake up and smell the roses John Brown, you might think differently if that were your wife, brother, sister or child in Paris that night."

            If it was my family, I'd be swinging between grief and thoughts of murder. I live in France. It might be me next time...

            That said, I'm calling you on this. France was attacked by IS in retribution for France's efforts in fighting the IS in Syria. Tell me, please, what you think should be done? I'll happily agree that Merkel is a batshit crazy to have had such a wide open door policy, and I'd say it to her face if I ever got the chance. It is a textbook example of the road to hell being paved with good intentions.

            But what is your grand idea? Stick your fingers in your ears and pretend nothing is happening until the lunatic fanatical interpretation of the Koran is at your doorstep and banging on the door?

            Fear makes them stronger. Indifference makes them stronger. Stupidity makes them stronger. Apathy makes them stronger. Maybe if we had all paid more attention the IS wouldn't be anything like they are now. But they are and we can't change the past. The future, that's something we can influence.

            So tell me, tell us, what's your big plan?

            1. IsJustabloke
              Facepalm

              Re: Apart from the chance to offer a gratuitous insult to Farage...

              "France was attacked by IS in retribution for France's efforts in fighting the IS in Syria."

              Actually, I think it's as much to do with Algeria and the massive ghettos on the outskirts of Paris as is it to do with IS. From IS's pov they simply found very fertile ground.

              BUT this isn't really the correct forum for that discussion.

              I'm afraid to say that I found Dr Who as shit as I ever have.... I don't watch very often for that reason. I also find the ham fisted BBC PCness annoying in the extreme.

          4. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
            FAIL

            Re: Apart from the chance to offer a gratuitous insult to Farage...

            "Wake up and smell the roses John Brown"

            I'm well aware of the situation with terrorist groups like IS and their ilk. I'm also well aware that IS doesn't represent a religion and that the UK being in the EU has nothing to do with the situation. I'm also well aware that out of 100;s of 1000's there is the risk that an odd few terrorist might get through with them. I'm also aware that people like you and some of the recent tabloid headlines are quite happy to tar all those refugees with the terrorist brush and thus increase the chances of radicalising some of them and actually creating more terrorists.

            And just to get slightly back on topic, last weeks Doctor Who broadcast would almost certainly have been cancelled if that story had been scheduled for this week considering the topic.

            1. Martin Budden Silver badge
              Pint

              The Scream

              As an Antipodean I'm unfamiliar with this Farage you all keep banging on about... anyway, the sleep monsters' mouths reminded me a bit of The Scream by Edvard Munch.

              Beer icon because having read the thread above I think you all need to drink some and calm down a bit.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Apart from the chance to offer a gratuitous insult to Farage...

        Given the awful events in Paris, a bit more UKIP thinking and a bit less Merkel thinking might be required.

        And this is how the terrorists win.

        1. montyburns56

          Re: Apart from the chance to offer a gratuitous insult to Farage...

          Well at the minute the terrorists are winning with the help of our porous borders that the likes of Merkel are such fans of.

    2. TRT Silver badge

      Re: Apart from the chance to offer a gratuitous insult to Farage...

      Why? Don't you kip?

    3. PrivateCitizen
      WTF?

      Re: Apart from the chance to offer a gratuitous insult to Farage...

      To be fair, I watched it an thought it looked like Nigel as well............

  5. Roq D. Kasba

    Great episode in a great series

    I must admit, I found the last series harder to love, as much as I wanted to, buy this series has had such fantastic stories and Capaldi is really in his stride now (and that's never a bad thing!)

  6. Chris Daemon

    Haunted House... in Space!

    Shaky cam, gimmicky characters, and a thin Who Dunnit story... what's not to like?

    The episode isn't bad, aside suffering from Mary Sue Exposition, nee Oswald.

    The ending was surprisingly good... creepy good!

    It's enough to make the episode watchable. Small things do distract from it, like the sounds-like-GlaDOS modulated computer, unbelievable jerk soldiers (bonus: stupid muscle, instant army), the fingerpointing at the painfully obvious... i forgot count how many times we find the cast of a McDonald's commercial fighting against all odds.

    Wasn't Danny supposed to replace Clara? He was yummy, and actually was developed as a character... not like "I won't remember anything traumatic or life changing" Oswald.

    1. Jagged

      Re: Haunted House... in Space!

      "Shaky cam, gimmicky characters, and a thin Who Dunnit story... what's not to like?"

      - everything. It was awful, same old Gatis ideas delivered weaker than before. Trying too hard to be clever and scary and failing to be either.

      1. illiad

        Re: Haunted House... in Space!

        **intentionally** bad, Just remember., it is NOT 'live', only 'playback' - that is why the Doc said 'something not right' - now watch the last few mins again..!!

  7. Stevie

    Bah!

    A darkly comic pleasing monster-hunting chase?

    Glad you told me, because while I was watching it I thought it was just lame.

  8. This post has been deleted by its author

    1. Tom 7

      Re: iplayer problem

      got the full episode myself after adding --modes=flashhd,flashhigh,flashlow,flashstd,flashvhigh,hlshd,hlshigh,hlslow,hlsstd,hlsvhigh,subtitles

      Get it from git check for errors

    2. Anonymous Custard

      Re: iplayer problem

      Nope, plays fine for me all the way through.

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
        Thumb Up

        Re: iplayer problem

        The version on a.b.teevee seemed to download and play just fine too, with less hoop jumping :-)

  9. I Like Heckling Silver badge

    I don't think I was watching the same episode as the author of this article... and WTF has his hatred of UKIP got to do with DW. Leave your personal bigotry in your personal life please.

    As for the episode itself... yet another in a long line of snoozefests this series. Capaldi just isn't getting the opportunities to shine like he did last year. This years series has been on the whole dire, mediocre drivel... Out of 9 episodes, there have only been two of any note... both with Maise Williams in... and perhaps one scene in the season opener.

    I'll be blunt... I have disliked Oswalds character virtually from the beginning.... the first outing of her character in Asylum of the Daleks aside. She's has been a noose on the show for far too long. Sure many of you may like her, but I don't and it's really, really dragging the show down for me when it's paired up with poor writing and crap like sonic specs, breaking the 4th wall and speaking directly to the audience have all cried of a show in turmoil that needs to find it's direction again.

    I must admit that the main reason I am still watching this year is because I want to see Clara's demise... I don't want to see here leave... I want to see her dead... so there's no chance of her coming back.

    As for the next companion... why not make it a bloke... there have been plenty in the past and I think that they're perhaps building up to the next doctor being female... and that perhaps Missy was a test to see how the audience would react to a major character changing gender.

    Roll on next week... roll on the demise of Clara 'useless' Oswald.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      The craving for Clara snuff is strong in this one.

      Is it the same as feel as wanting to see Ewoks burn?

    2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      "As for the next companion... why not make it a bloke... there have been plenty in the past"

      I agree, so long as it's not anyone like Adric!

      "and I think that they're perhaps building up to the next doctor being female... and that perhaps Missy was a test to see how the audience would react to a major character changing gender.

      I hope not. It would jump out like a sore thumb as a "me too" plot device now. Maybe if Missy regenerates as a male again very soon and then they wait a few years it might be time for a female doctor. Doing it too soon after Missy really won't work.

    3. Tony Paulazzo

      She's has been a noose on the show for far too long.

      I don't know, I think if she had died as the impossible girl, dissolving into the Doctors time stream, her stint and exit would have been heroic, but now she's become almost like Rose, more important than the Doctor - like UNIT kowtowing to her, Missy needing her, even the Doc playing second fiddle to her bravado and perky wit.

      Also wasn't that impressed with this episode, it might've been better without the sandmen, just have the crew disappearing one by one, then show the villain at the end disintegrating into sand along with the electronic explanation... 6/10

    4. Chris King

      "I must admit that the main reason I am still watching this year is because I want to see Clara's demise... I don't want to see here leave... I want to see her dead... so there's no chance of her coming back."

      Well, being killed didn't stop them finding ways of bringing back Jack... or Amy... or Rory... or Ashildr... or Danny. Heck, even the Brigadier got another outing as a Cyberman last season.

  10. ShadowDragon8685

    I'm going to espouse an unpopular viewpoint here...

    Clara Oswald is fan-tastic, the Impossible Girl is great, and everybody who doesn't like her is subjectively wrong.

    (You see what I did there?)

    But I still think there's something odd going on with this one. Even for Doctor Who, the whole "the stuff that's in your eyes when you wake up mutates and eats you if you don't sleep" thing tripped my bullshit meters waaaaaay too hard, and thie episode seemed to have a surprisingly strong anti-transhumanism edge, what with the Doctor flat-out rejecting using technology to improve a fundamental facet of human life...

    Which is rich, coming from the bloke who's regenerated once more than he's supposed to already, especially coming from a member of a species that gets to regenerate AT ALL. (Although, to be frank, the idea that it takes until the 38th century and requires a giant, clunky, external pod to do this strikes me as even more bollocks, especially when we had episodes featuring major transhumanist technologies back in the leather jacket days of Nine.)

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      "major transhumanist technologies back in the leather jacket days of Nine."

      Ah, but the entire universe has been re-booted at least once since then so there's bound to be subtle differences since then. (crack in the wall, Tardis exploding, Doctor gets married, Rory becomes a Roman robot then becomes human again, Amy is Rivers mother (and the Doctors mother-in-law) blah blah blah)

      1. ShadowDragon8685

        Sorry, I was speaking in an out-of-universe production-point-of-view there, as in, they were able to have episodes with major transhumanist augmentation technologies back in the days of Nine, both storywise and in terms of doing what they needed to do to show it properly on television.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      > Even for Doctor Who, the whole "the stuff that's in your eyes when you wake up mutates and eats you if you don't sleep" thing tripped my bullshit meters waaaaaay too hard

      Just an attempt to make a child-scary episode: take a normal human activity like wiping your eyes after waking-up and try and make it scary, c.f. statues that move while you blink

      It didn't work. Which is a shame, but hey-ho. My immediate thought was: "that's a whole lot of eye-wipe to produce 4 or 5 80-100Kg monsters - just how many people were there on the station? But that isn't going to worry younger children. So 8/10 for effort, 5/10 for execution.

      So can I do any better? Probably not. How about parents go to load the dish washer and get squirted with a jet of contaminated water and go weird/mad/help the aliens. To start with only a few children notice and no one will listen tot them - standard fare from then on?

  11. TRT Silver badge

    I have to say I think it was the weakest of the series so far

    I almost fell asleep half-way through.

    But an interesting idea and interesting direction too. Not your run of the mill Dr Who. Ha! And they retconned Silurians. Brilliant.

    1. druck Silver badge
      Facepalm

      Re: I have to say I think it was the weakest of the series so far

      I did fall asleep half way through (or sooner) but that's more to do with having a 2 year old and a 1 month old than the episode. Just got them off to bed and sat down to watch, and we are away too - a machine that compresses a whole months sleep in to 5 minutes, it's called the TV.

      I was hoping the article would have a proper spoiler so I'd find out what happened, but instead we'll have to play the DVR game - "Did you see this bit?", "I think I fell asleep before then", "Lets watch from here", "Bugger, I fell asleep again", "Me too".

  12. Warm Braw

    Is this the last remaining vestige of El Reg's Weekend Edition?

    RIP...

    1. JonP

      Re: Is this the last remaining vestige of El Reg's Weekend Edition?

      heh, was just wondering the same ...

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: Is this the last remaining vestige of El Reg's Weekend Edition?

        Me too. Even late on Sunday night UK time, the Australian office didn't seem to be submitting any new Monday morning stories. Is there an actual Aussie El Reg tentacle or is it similar to the SPB/Spanish "office"?

    2. Martin Budden Silver badge

      Re: Is this the last remaining vestige of El Reg's Weekend Edition?

      And where oh where is Dabbsy's Something For The Weekend Sir? Come back Alistair, all is forgiven!

  13. This post has been deleted by its author

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Gatiss clearly likes Doom and the computer voice from Portal

    The cake is a lie.

    1. Doctor_Wibble
      Stop

      Re: Gatiss clearly likes Doom and the computer voice from Portal

      > The cake is a lie.

      And therefore also Ultimate Truth.

    2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: Gatiss clearly likes Doom and the computer voice from Portal

      Was it The Waters of Mars where the doors made the swoosh sound from Doom? Did Gatis write that too? :-)

  15. a pressbutton

    Not good or bad just average

    It wasnt as bad as some of the colin baker stuff that I just don't remember at all

    I wont be remembering it photographically - there were no scenes like the one where the person takes his hand out of his pocket and his hand had turned into a grub (space ants on a spacestation)

  16. g00se
    Headmaster

    Singular

    Shearsmith and another League of Gentleman alumni, Steve Pemberton,

    The word you want is alumnus. The one used above is the plural form.

  17. refugeesnotwelcome
    Thumb Down

    Scoring a cheap political point on the appearance of the man who calmly tried to warn you of the terror now enveloping Europe?

    oh you're a funny guy

    1. Jason Bloomberg Silver badge

      @ "refugeesnotwelcome"

      Fuck off yourself.

      1. Danny 2

        Re: @ "refugeesnotwelcome"

        Wait, let Attila the Stockbroker handle this:

        Yes! Homosexual Daleks

        And they're sponging off the State!

        With huge Arts Council grants

        to teach delinquents how to skate!

        It's all here in the paper -

        I'd better tell the wife!

        For soon they will EXTERMINATE

        Our British way of life.....

        This satire on crass ignorance

        and tabloid-fostered fear

        Is at an end. Now let me give

        One message, loud and clear.

        Golf course, shop floor or BNP:

        Smash bigotry and hate!

        Asylum seekers - welcome here.

        You racists: emigrate!

        1. Danny 2

          Re: @ "refugeesnotwelcome"

          Or, and again this is with permission:

          UK GIN DEPENDENCE PARTY

          We're not fascists, are we, dear?

          Bring that bottle over here.

          Now. Where was I? Enoch Powell?

          Sod this irritable bowel!

          Do you play goff? Come down the club.

          Just a snifter, lovely grub...

          What, no blazer? Borrow mine.

          Chin chin. Maggie, '79!

          Now. Where was I? Nigel Farage?

          Dear! More bottles in the garage.

    2. This post has been deleted by its author

    3. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
      Paris Hilton

      > the terror now enveloping Europe

      Embrace the warm blanket of ... no wait. Is that the title of the next Dr. Who?

    4. Martin-73 Silver badge

      Man? Calmly? Are we talking about the same swivel eyed sociopath?

  18. Blipvert

    Re: 'Morpheus wide-awake pods'

    Didn't the 'Judges' in Judge Dredd (2000 AD) have a similar technology which allowed them to compress a nights sleep into a few minutes? That was the seventies!

    (Not a Mark Gatiss fan)

    1. J.G.Harston Silver badge

      Re: 'Morpheus wide-awake pods'

      The weekend's 2000AD had JD in a sleep machine, and as I'd read it just a hour earlier my immediate thought was: hold on....

      1. Danny 2

        Re: 'Morpheus wide-awake pods'- dumb hole a-hole

        This weekends 2000AD? Did I just dream I was asleep for thirty years? That explains the sand in my (oh regression entangling me into yet another sonic screwdriver black hole cauchemar).

        1. Alien8n

          Re: 'Morpheus wide-awake pods'- dumb hole a-hole

          "This weekends 2000AD? Did I just dream I was asleep for thirty years?"

          Nope, somehow despite all the odds against it 2000AD is still going strong (even if pretty much only available by subscription nowadays). It really is quite amazing when you consider how many British comics it's managed to outlast/assimilate. I hope it continues well into the next millennium as well as it's been a great starting point for many artists and story writers, most of whom have ended up working for DC and Marvel in the US as a direct result of their work for 2000AD.

    2. Chris King

      Re: 'Morpheus wide-awake pods'

      Yes, and if I remember rightly "Sleep Machine Psychosis" featured in one of the Big Finish 2000AD stories ("Wanted: Dredd or Alive" - ta, Google). Dredd was supposedly suffering from it and appears to go rogue, but it was all a hoax to enable him to go undercover.

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Off topic, but no sftw this weekend?

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I thought the "warning, don't watch this" opening gave the game away long before the punchline, but that may just be a side-effect of 50+ years reading SF stories.

  21. Zog_but_not_the_first
    Joke

    Monsters from the (eye l)id?

    Whatever next? The ear wax beast? The nose hair kraken? The toe jam football(er)?

    Not to mention Red Dwarf's smeg head.

    1. x 7

      Re: Monsters from the (eye l)id?

      "Whatever next?"

      Winnits, Dangleberries and Clingons (no not the Star Trek kind.....)

      1. TRT Silver badge

        Re: Monsters from the (eye l)id?

        Those winnit-ridden Vogons...

  22. TRT Silver badge

    Has nobody...

    mentioned the weeping angel thing with the grit in the eye yet? OK, I will then.

  23. Danny 2

    There are monsters on your eye lid

    They are Demodex folliculorum and Demodex brevis. They sleep in your eyelash follicles, often pushing the eyelash out when too many squeeze in. And they travel across your face to feed on your dead flash when you sleep. Gatiss was going easy on you.

    By contrast, I have had a helluva cold for the past ten days now, so I slept through last nights episode and watched it at 5:30 am with my eyes encrusted with gunk. Perfect!

    Plus a Tardis materialised inside my nasal cavity about a week ago, so when I breathe in and try to expunge the phlegm, it sounds exactly like the Doctor's Tardis.

    1. heyrick Silver badge

      Re: There are monsters on your eye lid

      "They are Demodex folliculorum and Demodex brevis."

      F..k.

      I just wiki'd the name. Bleurgh. Kinda wish I hadn't.

      1. Danny 2

        Re: There are monsters on your eye lid

        Sorry, hoor. The older we get, the more invisible monsters we see. Google "Toxoplasma gondii" if you are brave and don't want to sleep tonight. I have even worse things under my bonnet, I should probably not share online, even at this time of night.

        Our bodies are fallible in many horrid ways. Computer security and virus protection- to hell with the hardware, won't somebody think of the humans? Doctor?

  24. Whistlerspa
    Thumb Down

    Daftest episode Ever

    Monsters from the (eyel)id indeed. The ghosts of 'Forbidden Planet' actors must be vomitting in their graves. A poor ripoff of that plot I think..

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Daftest episode Ever

      > The ghosts of 'Forbidden Planet' actors must be vomitting in their graves. A poor ripoff of that plot I think..

      If they wanted to rip off the plot of The Forbidden Planet then the scientist would have had a beautiful daughter who survives to become the Doctor's new assistant. For extra points it could have been Me.

      1. Whistlerspa

        Re: Daftest episode Ever

        "If they wanted to rip off the plot of The Forbidden Planet then the scientist would have had a beautiful daughter who survives to become the Doctor's new assistant. For extra points it could have been Me."

        I had The Doctor pegged as the 'Professor' and Clara as the beautiful 'daughter'

  25. MJI Silver badge

    Not a great episode

    Jarringly bad science.

    Either it is in orbit OR being kept up with anti gravity NOT both

    I got the GLADOS one very quickly, could have kept that running.

    I think this series is much better than the last, the last one was a bit poor. This series PC has found his Doctor.

    1. ShadowDragon8685

      Re: Not a great episode

      Bloody hell, that bugged me, too. An object in orbit doesn't need any bloody antigravs, because it, DEFINITIONALLY, orbiting!

      Now, that having been said, it IS possible for an object to be at orbital heights over a planet without going at orbital velocities (and hence, not being in orbit,) if it's being held up by antigravs/constant thrust/something else.

      But that's a colossally stupid idea for anything short of a TARDIS.

      1. MJI Silver badge

        Re: Not a great episode

        Or the book Encounter with Tiber which had an alien space ship hovering over the Earth on its main drive rather than orbiting some sort of zero point drive I think they called it.

      2. lorisarvendu

        Re: Not a great episode

        "Bloody hell, that bugged me, too. An object in orbit doesn't need any bloody antigravs, because it, DEFINITIONALLY, orbiting!

        Now, that having been said, it IS possible for an object to be at orbital heights over a planet without going at orbital velocities (and hence, not being in orbit,) if it's being held up by antigravs/constant thrust/something else.

        But that's a colossally stupid idea for anything short of a TARDIS."

        Something very similar appears in Charles Harness' "The Paradox Men" where stations hover on the surface of the Sun, mining it. The stations generate 28g opposite the Sun's 27g to give 1g of Earth gravity. Then one of them slides down into a sun spot and ends up turning turtle. Ouch!

        1. ShadowDragon8685

          Re: Not a great episode

          Wait, uh...

          That's... That's not how acceleration works.

          If you're hovering over the sun, not at orbital velocity, using constant thrust to keep yourself up, you'd A: need to precisely cancel the acceleration-towards-the-sun-by-gravity with thrust, not exceed it (or else you'd be accelerating away from the sun,) and B: you'd be subjecting the crew to HIGHER G-forces.

          To get Earth-normal gravity under 27g conditions, you'd need to be accelerating TOWARDS the sun at 28g, not away from it.

    2. TRT Silver badge

      Re: Not a great episode

      Great confusion arises...

      "We're accelerating towards Neptune!"

      "Now all we've got to do is get this space station up to 88mph and we can send you back to the future..."

      *cue Mr Sandman*

  26. pewpie

    Dr Poo.

    See title - I gave it much more thought than the franchise writers.

  27. Jagged

    Soldiers on Doctor Who

    My son (aged 15) has developed a pet hate about the way Doctor Who portrays soldiers, in that if they are not outright stupid then they are at least incompetent. Last week we had supposedly "specially" trained soldiers deliberately walking into an obvious trap. This week, well, I don't know what to say about this weeks, other than that I imagine military personnel everywhere shouting at their TV screen in frustration.

    Lazy writing. Especially the Zygon episode. They really couldn't think up a better way aliens with shape changing abilities to defeat a group of soldiers? Hugely disappointing :(

    1. ShadowDragon8685

      Re: Soldiers on Doctor Who

      Your son has impeccable taste, Jagged. I share his hatred.

      It's one thing for the soldiers to be simply outmatched by aliens with superior technology/superior sneakiness, it's quite another for ostensibly special forces equivalent soldiers to behave like they're completely incompetent morons.

      Y'know what would make a good pallete cleanser after this bollocks?

      The Doctor getting himself into a pickle he can't talk, sonic, or clever his way out of, and then Clara, the Osgoods, Kate, and a whole mess of tactical operators come and save his ass, not with mcguffins or hamhanded moral-of-the-story proclaimations, but with the judicious application of nothing less than lethal force.

      Especially if the aliens are going "Hork Dork our tech's so super we can be completely overconfident!" only to get completely wiped out by the technologically-inferior species which actually committed highly-trained warfighters who take the situation seriously to the endeavor, XCOM style.

      But honestly, I've had that problem with this whole series, STARTING with the first episode where Missy got up to her usual BS and the snipers didn't immediately ventilate her. Seriously, why EVEN BRING THEM, why bring ANYBODY, if you're going to order them to hold fire when they're being vaporized? For that matter, what kind of soldier is going to actually HOLD FIRE when his buddies are being disintegrated?

    2. Chris King

      Re: Soldiers on Doctor Who

      They weren't exactly elite soldiers though, were they ? (And they knew it !)

      "Cuts, pet."

      1. ShadowDragon8685

        Re: Soldiers on Doctor Who

        The idiots on the space station, no, but I'm talking about the UNIT soldiers who made a complete mockery of the word "soldier" the prior two episodes running.

        Say what you will about Clara's departed boyfriend, at least he seemed like someone who could grab a rifle and start to operate; the UNIT troops in the two episodes prior to the most recent one seem less like trained soldiers and more like random morons who were put in tacticool outfits, and please don't even get me STARTED on the UNIT plane, which was apparently completely devoid of missile countermeasures, AND piloted by an idiot dumb enough to fly back into what he knew was contested territory in what amounted to a civilian aircraft on a low and slow approach, rather than, say, landing at some completely bumfuck out-of-the-way RAF base, commandeering a shitload of soldiers and heading home to take care of business.

  28. TheProf
    WTF?

    No title sequence

    I wonder why?

    1. graeme leggett Silver badge

      Re: No title sequence

      To avoid a break that would take you out of the found footage appearance I guess. There is a stream of text that passes across the screen containing words like Clara and other character names with Doctor Who (as a vertical line through unrelated words) briefly highlighted.

      1. TRT Silver badge

        Re: No title sequence

        Ah! There wasn't?! That explains it. I thought I'd missed the first three minutes which is why very little of it made sense.

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Not the best.

    347 votes on this episode on DigitalSpy forums, and the 'very bad' option got the most votes. Not surprised, I thought it was very weak indeed this one. I never liked Trevor Horn in those Buggles glasses in the first place :)

    http://forums.digitalspy.co.uk/showthread.php?t=2115742&page=3#67

  30. Martin Budden Silver badge
    Alert

    people are going missing

    From three El Reg reviewers to two, and now just one.

    Where are all the reviewers disappearing to? Who is taking them? Hasn't anybody else noticed? THIS IS NOT NORMAL! Somebody call the Doctor, we need his help before we all get disappeared!!!!!

    (My personal theory is that the reviewers have been eaten by the Sofa-chomps, which are aliens disguised as couches who have tired of their old diet of biros and loose change and have discovered that humans are far tastier)

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: people are going missing

      They just haven't been getting enough sleep.

    2. graeme leggett Silver badge

      Re: people are going missing

      Inflatable chair surely - in keeping with topic of article.

      Unless they haven't switched to cordless desk phones.

  31. dajames
    Headmaster

    Alumnus

    ... and another League of Gentleman alumni, Steve Pemberton ...

    One alumnus, two or more alumni ... even on Gallifrey, honest!

    1. x 7

      Re: Alumnus

      "One alumnus, two or more alumni"

      does that make three alumnium?

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