back to article Beard transplants up 600% for men 'lacking length elsewhere'

Hipsters lacking beards have splashed up to $7,000 on beard transplants. Some suspicious stats from "medical tourism" blog Medigo, have suggested a 600 per cent rise in the number of beard transplant operations between 2004 and 2014. "Beards are seen as a symbol of power and virility," the info graphic stated. "Lacking length …

  1. Voland's right hand Silver badge

    Depending on shape it adds 5-10 years to your apparent age

    Beard adds 5-10 years to your apparent age. Every time I let mine "out of control" I get the SWMBO grumbling that I look like a pensioner (not that I care).

    There is one more reason to have it.

    Beard is useful if your jaw was not reset properly by an orhtodontist intervention at an early age (for whatever reason). In this days, glue-on-braces make orhto nearly always successful. That was not the case in 30 + years ago when you had to wear those horrible plastic mold things with stretch/pull screws in them. Any normal kid would just refuse to put them on after a few months of torture.

    1. Salts

      Re: Depending on shape it adds 5-10 years to your apparent age

      Yep, a number of years ago SWMBO said to me after shaving off my beard I looked ten years younger, I replied "what 34", "No 44" came the reply, my age at the time :-(

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Depending on shape it adds 5-10 years to your apparent age

      "Two thirds of women would prefer to date a bearded man over a clean-shaven man"

      Let me guess, by stunning coincidence two thirds of women also prefer oral sex (and / or the lights out)...

  2. Chairo
    Coat

    Two thirds of women would prefer to date a bearded man over a clean-shaven man

    Now, that is a bold statement. Where did they conduct the research? Papua New Guinea? And what about men with stubbly beards? I feel much more research is needed in this particular topic.

    - mine's the one with the walrus moustage...

    1. chivo243 Silver badge

      "Where did they conduct the research?"

      My guess is Stugis!

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sturgis,_South_Dakota

    2. SuccessCase

      And it's a false dichotomy as there is a large amount of ground between bearded and clean shaven. I suspect, while there is a fashion for beards, stubble remains the level women actually find most attractive. Of course, most importantly it, like how good a chat-up line is judged to be, it often simply depends on the face behind it.

    3. Simon Harris

      Now, that is a bold statement. Where did they conduct the research?

      The works of Shakespeare, I suspect...

      Fool: Now Jove, in his next commodity of hair, send thee a beard!

      Viola: By my troth, I’ll tell thee, I am almost sick for one, (aside) though I would not have it grow on my chin.

      (Twelfth Night)

  3. Steven Raith

    I have an occasional beard...

    It occurs whenever I forget to charge/lose/can't be bothered to use the shaver.

    Gets to about half an inch then gets unbearable. And rather than making me look mature and distinguished, it makes me look - and I quote - like a surprisingly erudite and educated tramp.

    I guess I'm destined to have these youthful good looks forever....

    Steven "Can't improve on perfection" R

    1. John Sager

      Re: I have an occasional beard...

      Now I'm old, lazy & cantankerous, I only shave every couple of days or so, so I've mostly got the 'hobo look'. My wife isn't impressed but no-one else seems to care. When my daughters were little I grew a beard a couple of times as both my brothers-in-law were bearded & the girls didn't react to that too well. It was OK in the winter but it had to come off in the spring - too itchy by half!

  4. Chris G

    Soup for later

    I had a beard in the early '70s for about two years, it never did become less itchy and trapped a lot of food. After eating something like a puff pastry tart it was necessary to go and wash it.

    I reduced it down to Humperdink type sideburns for a while and even that was a pain in the neck, trimming around it.

    Recently just for curiousity's sake I let it grow again, I'm in my 60s but have almost no grey hair, the beard however is 90% grey and added twenty years instantly, so no oldy hipsterism for me.

    Interestingly; a lot of the gay guys I work with have some of the most luxuriant growth.

    Cant say I'm a fan of the avian refuge style that seems to be popular now.

    I wonder if the fashion will fade slowly away like before reducing to sideburns and Yosesimite Sam moustaches? What my mates in the US miitary called womb brooms.

    1. Fungus Bob

      Re: Soup for later

      "the beard however is 90% grey and added twenty years instantly, so no oldy hipsterism for me."

      Same here except I figure that I earned every last one of' the gray ones, so I'll be damned if I won't display 'em! BTW, last time I saw my chin was around 1990.

  5. albaleo

    Correlation thingy

    'However facial hair grows more "when a man has not had sex for a while".'

    Is that not because during those periods there's less reason to shave?

    1. Your alien overlord - fear me

      Re: Correlation thingy

      I was going to say it explains ISIS terrorists (according to Boris anyway).

    2. Simon Harris

      Re: Correlation thingy

      "Is that not because during those periods there's less reason to shave?"

      SWMBO's opinion is that a man does not have sex for a while because the facial hair has grown more.

      1. x 7

        Re: Correlation thingy

        "SWMBO's opinion is that a man does not have sex for a while because the facial hair has grown more"

        its not just facial hair that has that effect.......

        1. Anonymous Custard
          Joke

          Re: Correlation thingy

          'However facial hair grows more "when a man has not had sex for a while".'

          It also explains why Father Christmas only comes once a year...

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    So there are blokes who would have a medical procedure?

    To look like a twat? Seriously?

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Meh

    "Beards are seen as a symbol of power and virility,"

    Oh I thought it was

    a) a sign you've gotten old enough not to car about your appearance

    b) you're trying to be individual, creative and original; just like the other million people doing exactly the same thing. You can be even more ununique (tm) by adding a sleeve tattoo and putting a hoola-hoop in you ear lobe.

    1. Paul Shirley

      Re: "Beards are seen as a symbol of power and virility,"

      c) extremely lazy

      Been lazily not caring what I look like since i was a teenager ;)

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: "Beards are seen as a symbol of power and virility,"

        d) have a face that is extremely sensitive to shaving resulting in a livid rash.

        Grew mine as a teen in the 50s and had it ever since.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    All these beards, it must mean Linux is becoming very popular.

    1. Fihart

      All these beards, it must mean Linux is becoming very popular.

      You forget the sandals, with socks.

      Only kidding !

      Finally driven to try it out by Windows bloat and Linux improvements.

    2. Simon Harris

      "All these beards, it must mean Linux is becoming very popular."

      But where is Linus Torvald's beard? I think we should be told.

      1. Fungus Bob

        Linus has a beard. Its just that in his case its a loadable module...

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Gimp

    Lies, damned lies and...

    That 600% is awfully round.

    One wonders if there was one "beard transplant" (presumably really a transplant of follicle plugs from the narcissist's pubic region to his face) performed in 2004 and six in 2014. I also can't help wondering if any were bought in the nine years in between... perhaps the clinic just dropped its prices... or ran some sort of pubelicity campaign (much like the one we're commenting on perhaps).

    1. Fred Dibnah
      Happy

      Re: Lies, damned lies and...

      ran some sort of pubelicity campaign

      Are we talking about face beards here, or something else?

      1. micheal

        Re: Lies, damned lies and...

        Are we talking about face beards here, or something else?

        Well they are 'Merkin

        1. x 7

          Re: Lies, damned lies and...

          "Well they are 'Merkin"

          glue-on merkins or clip-ons? Apparently popular in hollywood to spare actresses blushes during nude scenes

    2. werdsmith Silver badge

      Re: Lies, damned lies and...

      "That 600% is awfully round."

      Yes, the number has gone up from 1 to 6.

  10. jake Silver badge

    That is just too ridiculous to believe!

    All my ancestors are from North of the Arctic circle. I'm an ethnic "Finno-Ugric" dude, despite the fact that my great-grand parents immigrated to California to cut down Redwood trees[0].

    I have no beard to speak of. I have never had a problem with the ladies.

    Methinks this isn't about the ladies, this is about dudes with issues.

    [0] Not exactly politically correct these days, but nothing much was 150 years ago.

  11. DrD'eath

    So where do they transplant hair from?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Father Christmas better sleep with one eye open.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Aha, men with beards nopt getting any.

        That explains why he only comes once a year

      2. Hero Protagonist

        Father Christmas with one eye open

        Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

    2. Steven Roper

      That question is why reading that article gave me the shivers. I now have Pythonesque visions in my head of two burly blokes hammering on my door in white coats going "Hallo sir, can we have your beard? Come on sir, don't muck us about!"

    3. bed

      Isn't it a sort of pubic hair?

      Beard hair is a form of pubic hair so the best place to transplant from would be, I guess, down there... urgh! Wouldn't the two areas have to closely positioned while the transplant take place? Which then poses the question of where the operator operates from?

  12. Known Hero

    Shaved my beard yesterday.

    yup decided it was time.

    Enjoyed it whilst I had it (8 months or so) got rid of it before I hated it.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Shaved my beard yesterday.

      Think of how much money you have denied the shaving duopoly of Gillette and Wilkinson's.

      1. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
        Joke

        Re: Shaved my beard yesterday.

        Don't look at me, I never get a cut of that money

  13. John Hawkins
    Trollface

    Blokes who whinge about beards can't grow one

    It's great that beards are no longer just for fundamentalists (lefties and god botherers). I hated having to shave a couple of times a day to feel clean; Don Johnson style stubble made me look lazy and gave women a rash.

    Not that I've gone for the full hipster/Ned Kelley though - that looks sweaty.

    Beard transplants sound weird, but I guess as shaving has probably never been much of an issue for those blokes they wouldn't see that downside of having whiskers.

    Finally, to quote the late great Rik Mayall (aka Flashheart) "Thanks, Bridesmaid. Like the beard. Gives me something to hang on to."

    1. Jonathan 10

      Re: Blokes who whinge about beards can't grow one

      Woof!

  14. tiggity Silver badge

    I just have a beard as it avoids hassle of shaving (facial mole & blade not a happy combination), though with them being trendy might have to get rid of it, don't like looking like I'm a follower of fashion

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Reminds me of the time I lost an eyebrow I could only get the hair transplanted from one place and that was my testicles. The operations was a success however I did look a bit cock eyed afterwards.

  16. x 7

    I'd like to get rid of my beard.......shaving every day (or more often) is a PITA and a task I'd be glad to get rid of. Does face waxing work? Seriously thinking of trying it as it works on my groin and scrotum and other bits with no pain at all and lasts for a few weeks.

    If anyone is looking for a volunteer for hair follicle donation you can have mine any time (the ones on my butt crack are especially luxuriant, would be good for a moustache transplant). It would be good to get rid of the Klingon risk

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      "Does face waxing work? "

      Painful. But only at the time. Using ladies leg hair cream is a more long term pain as it burns like hell so I've read.

      I've heard electrolysis works though. No idea if that;s true or how permanent it is. Or of it hurts.

    2. e^iπ+1=0

      Try this then (when you can)

      http://m.theregister.co.uk/2015/09/29/laser_shaver_kickstarts/

      Could be just the ticket.

  17. Yugguy

    Sheep

    I hate beards on anyone under the age of 50.

    There's nothing worse than some skinny 20 year old with a straggly unkempt beard.

    I couldnt care less if it is fashionable, you look like a Royal Navy conscript.

    As for those who get beard transplants, I'm not sure there are depths deep enough to hold my contemt.

    You're as bad as those sad twats that get implants into their chest and arms to make it look like they have muscles.

    1. micheal

      Re: Sheep

      I couldnt care less if it is fashionable, you look like a Royal Navy conscript.

      RM male personnel may wear moustaches at their option.

      The Command may order individuals to shave off beards deemed inappropriate

      Don't think beards are allowed below senior rank so conscripts cannot wear one

      1. Yugguy

        Re: Sheep

        To be fair my knowledge of Navy facial foliage regulations is based solely on black and white WW2 films.

      2. werdsmith Silver badge

        Re: Sheep

        Beards have to be shaved off when the crew go on to an active status and there may be explosions. The fuzzy chin interferes with the correct fitting of the flash hood.

        1. Baskitcaise
          Gimp

          Re: Sheep

          "The fuzzy chin interferes with the correct fitting of the flash hood."

          And the seal on the gas mask.

  18. David Roberts
    WTF?

    Shave every day?

    Why? Trim once a month is much more efficient.

    Also, beard growth is natural, as is head, leg and armpit hair. Keeping hair short enough for easy cleaning is sensible and hygenic but why shave your face every day (and for some people, armpits and legs as well)?

    Nothing as sad as a fashion victim.

    1. x 7

      Re: Shave every day?

      "why shave your face every day "

      1) beards itch

      2) beards like mine feel like razor wire when you get them anywhere near a womans lips. Or other parts

      3) most women don't like beards

      4) in summer beards are unbearably hot

      5) if your hair is as grey as mine, having a beard makes you look like Rip van Winkle. Even just white fuzz looks untidy

      6) food gets trapped in beards, as does dribble, snot, moths

      7) bearded men get stopped more often at security checks

      8) beards pick up aromas from the environment and leave a bad taste / smell (don't go near a pig farm if you have a beard - you'll smell the shit all day)

      9) bearded men don't get promoted

      10) bearded men get less sex

      1. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: Shave every day?

        11) Bearded men are incessantly approached by improbable researchers to test feline reactions to them

      2. Captain DaFt

        Re: Shave every day?

        "10) bearded men get less sex"

        I keep hearing/reading that.

        But less than what they never say. A rabbit? A mink? A narwhal?

        1. x 7

          Re: Shave every day?

          "But less than what they never say. A rabbit? A mink? A narwhal?"

          Less than men who shave...........

          except for those beardy types who like to play daddy bear at the local gay sauna.

          Truth is, most beardies are sandal wearing overweight real-ale slurping members of CAMRA, offering little in the way of sexual attraction and probably suffering perpetual brewers droop

          1. Baskitcaise

            Re: Shave every day?

            Ah but they can spot obvious troll :-)

            PS. I do not have a beard though.

            1. x 7

              Re: Shave every day?

              "Ah but they can spot obvious troll :-)"

              you have to understand that trolls hate beards because they make the wearers look like goats

  19. adam payne

    I'll keep my shaggy beard with the grey go faster stripes

  20. small and stupid

    Its got out hand. We need some sort of beard licencing scheme where beard permission is only granted to men either a) over a certain age b) with an established previous pre-fashion commitment to facial hair or c) having an official 'beard face'. The beard enforcement hit squad also are tasked with on-the-spot flayings of sleeve tatoos.

  21. thomas k

    Geez ...

    Wish I'd known about these transplants back when I might have been able to afford one.

  22. dorsetknob
    Coat

    Get a Beard Transplant

    Ain't that a reference to Lesbians swapping non sexual Male friends for Public show before they come out of the Closet

    Yeh mines the mac with a petrol soaked copy of the pink times in the pocket now where is my FAG lighter

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Waiting patiently...

    ...for the fashion to die out. Every TV add with a bloke in it, he has a beard. It's boring now. Next fashion please!

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Among the scientific resources cited by Medigo...

    ...are articles by the Daily Mail and the Telegraph.

    Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha... bonk! (me laughing my head off)

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I've had a shaved head and Van Dyke since I was 22. My hair started falling out early, so I just shaved it off. Easy to maintain, just a few minutes a day in the shower with a razor and it's done. I maintain my Van Dyke about 1/8 to 1/2" long, although in the last 4-5 years it's gone from charcoal black to almost completely grey. I would think that completely unfair, given that I'm only 37 years old, but honestly, I don't give a shit. One of my cow-orkers asked my why I didn't dye it, to which my response was, "Why would I do that? I wouldn't fool anybody, if you know what I mean."

    As for guys getting transplants.... why? I have a permanent 5 o'clock shadow, and stubble by the time I rinse off the razor and dry my face. Means I shave every single day, unless I'm considerably too wobbly to safely wield a razor. Then it's the next morning. Shaving is part of my routine, but sometimes it'd be nice to not have to worry about abrading off my wife's lady-bits. A full beard is too hot, and far too hipster-ish for my liking. As for the whole 'I'm a rugged, manly man because I have a black alpaca fleece glued to my face" beards.... I'm guessing they decided to skip shaving if they jerked off more than three times that day.

    1. x 7

      Dick van Dyke?

      "shaved head and Van Dyke"

      at first I thought you were claiming to be a Doc Marten wearing lesbian....with Van Dyke being some cockney slang for a would-be dick (think Mary Poppins)

  26. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
    Joke

    A modest proposal for another potential use of beard transplants

    They could have been popular back in the days of Brian of Nazareth

  27. Mike Moyle

    The thing about the hipster beard onslaught is how annoying it is to those of us who have worn major facial hair for more years than THEY'VE been alive!

    One morning in the summer of '75, as I was getting ready to lather up in front of the mirror, I thought: "Now, wait a minute... I'm about to have a go at my own personal neck -- of which I'm quite fond -- with a sharp object... And I haven't had my coffee yet. Well THIS is a stupid idea!" I put the razor down and never picked it up again until a couple of years ago (when I donated 25" of hair off the TOP of my head to Locks of Love. The top is still shaved (albeit, only once a week -- I'm blond, gone to gray, so it's not that big a deal if I let it go) and the chin is still hirsute (My lazy-man's policy is that it gets chopped back a couple of inches when it gets long enough that it starts getting knotted into the job-mandated necktie. Once I retire or they kick me out, though, I may go the full Liam Genockey on it -- that man is a beardie's god!).

  28. theOtherJT Silver badge
    Coat

    Transplant from where...

    ...is the question I want answered. I mean, are we talking someone else's beard here, or is this a twofor where you get to "improve" your beard and get rid of that unsightly back hair?

    Failing that, can they transplant the annoying hair on my face that I don't want to fill in for the hair rapidly evacuating the top of my head that I do?

    1. x 7

      Re: Transplant from where...

      its not the back hair......more the backside (and pubic) hair.

      Nice and curly.....and sweaty

  29. speedbird007

    Beard entrapment

    6) food gets trapped in beards, as does dribble, snot, moths Love that description man. Just as I guessed. Have an upvote!

  30. Richard Altmann

    Osama bin Laden

    invented the hipster look, then? MoD in Germany advices soldiers who are going to Afghanistan to grow a beard. Else they would be rendered a fagott by the local population.They come back being "Real Men" after a stint of being shot at by Taliban and shooting back at rocks. So being a "Hero Warrior", or looking like one still gets you into the girl´s pants quite easily. Come home with your shield or on it. With women like this, men will never get a chance to come to reason and cease killing each other (part from the Small Dick Syndrom wherby this is nowadays compensated for by taking a loan for a BMW or Audi and then killing themselves on the highway) Thanks gods, i´m too old for this shit. Again, another most amusing zero news article in The Reg. That´s why i love you.

  31. Jame_s

    fad

    hipster beard = face mullet

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