back to article Sharing Economy latest: Women's breast milk is the new 'liquid gold' of the internet

Perhaps you don't think that there's a massive and highly lucrative trade in human breast milk on the internet, much of the milk apparently being quaffed by adult men? Perhaps you need to pull your head out of the "real" world, get back online and get up to speed, my friend. To be fair, we here on the Reg breasts-and-related- …

  1. Khaptain Silver badge

    Straight from the teat.

    Can this now give rise to a new measurement, for example : Mammalian Cubits.

    It would also be interesting to know how they qualify and guarantee the quality. Do they have an official "taster"....

    El Reg have only done a half arsed job, the photos are "absolutely essential" in this article...

    1. James 51

      Re: Straight from the teat.

      There have been attempts to sell breast milk ice-cream but that fell through because the colour and taste will change to reflect the mother's diet. Rates of breast feeding are so low it would be difficult to source a lot of it anyway.

    2. msknight
      Trollface

      Re: Straight from the teat.

      @khaptain Apparently each mother comes with an official tasting unit created with every new production run.

      1. Khaptain Silver badge

        Re: Straight from the teat.

        @khaptain Apparently each mother comes with an official tasting unit created with every new production run.

        Who the fuck downvoted that, it's a witty and merits a chuckle or did you not understand the comment.

        1. This post has been deleted by its author

          1. Purple-Stater

            Re: Straight from the teat.

            or it's somebody with no sense of humour who will point out in an imminent post that women can produce breast milk without becoming pregnant.

            To be technical, so can men, it just takes longer.

            I've always been a bit annoyed by the term "breast milk"; it's simply milk. Human milk if there's a need to specify the species of origin. We don't say cow's udder milk, and human's aren't the only species with breasts (vs udders).

            1. ravenviz Silver badge
              Facepalm

              Re: Straight from the teat.

              It's to differentiate from man milk.

        2. msknight
          Joke

          Re: Straight from the teat.

          @ Khaptain - Thank you! Thank you! I'm here all week! ... actually, I've been around for the last few years, but no one's noticed before now :-)

          I think it was because I used the wrong icon. I've been using the troll face thinking it was for the funnies! Well, er, looks like the jokes' on me!

        3. Fungus Bob

          Re: Who the fuck downvoted that,

          H8rs gonna h8

  2. All names Taken

    New business model

    Wouldn't a better business model be draft sales direct from source at an outlet (or two) near you?

    Of course, some customers might prefer their drink from a tumbler rather than direct from source?

    Just wondering that's all?

  3. This post has been deleted by its author

    1. dogged

      For commercial sale, wouldn't the milk have to be pasteurised?

      1. This post has been deleted by its author

      2. hplasm
        Coat

        "...wouldn't the milk have to be pasteurised?"

        Pasteurised is best- but I don't care if it just comes up to my chest!

        /Ernie

    2. Dazed and Confused

      Side effects

      > it may be advisable to procure the co-operation of your wife/girlfriend/other trusted female friend to source what you are looking for, rather than purchase on-line.

      The problem with this approach is :

      a) The long lead time, this doesn't gel with a want it now society

      b and most importantly) the side (or waste) product of the manufacturing process.

      This waste product normally consumes all available production, damages the production equipment and consumes all other resources you thought you had.

      1. This post has been deleted by its author

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Hmmmm Bitty

  5. JimmyPage Silver badge
    Happy

    Sickly stuff

    as I recall ...

    1. Les Matthew

      Re: Sickly stuff

      Don't know who down voted you but have an up vote as I thought it was awful after the birth of my youngest daughter. The 2am breast pump malarkey can be rather amusing.

    2. This post has been deleted by its author

      1. This post has been deleted by its author

    3. d3vy

      Re: Sickly stuff

      Anyone who has kids that were breastfed and says they didn't try it at least once is lying.

      1. Law

        Re: Sickly stuff

        "Anyone who has kids that were breastfed and says they didn't try it at least once is lying."

        I didn't, but we only breastfed them for about a month for each.

        I was put off very early on from trying it too - in the first week of getting the firstborn home I made my wife pork and apple sausages, and the milk / babypoop stank of the stuff soon after.

      2. Anthony Hegedus Silver badge

        Re: Sickly stuff

        I didn't

    4. Martin Budden Silver badge

      Re: Sickly stuff

      Tried a small sip once, it was actually very good. Creamy & sweet (compared to cow's milk, anyway).

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Once man milk becomes popular for it's high protein content I'll make a fortune.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      The commerce is usually the other way round though, where the "donor" is the one who pays to have his milk drunk..

      1. Khaptain Silver badge

        "pays to have his milk swallowed"

        TFTFY

  7. drand
    Stop

    Caution advised

    Fair play to mothers making some cash from spare lactations - as a pro-breastfeeding father of two I wonder how much all those bags of expressed milk in the freezer would have been worth had I not chucked them away - but there is a small but still-there risk of passing Hepatitis C through breast milk, so buying it through any old source on t'internetz is A Bad Idea.

    1. Khaptain Silver badge
      Trollface

      Re: Caution advised

      I didn't know that fathers could breastfeed...

      1. JimmyPage Silver badge

        I didn't know that fathers could breastfeed

        Anatomically, there's no reason they couldn't

        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Male_lactation

  8. kryptonaut
    Happy

    Mmm...

    Thanks for the mammaries

    1. hplasm
      Coat

      Re: Mmm...

      Pull the udder one...

    2. TitterYeNot
      Coat

      Re: Mmm...

      It's a titty there are so many knockers of this article - do they not realise that many a true word is spoken in chest? Bit of a hooter by El Reg though, they seem to be milking the story for all it's worth.

      Ahem...may I express my sincere regret, my sense of humour appears to be heading for rack and ruin...

      1. Khaptain Silver badge

        Re: Mmm...

        I've never seen a more appropriate pseudo.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "The unregulated practice of milk sharing/selling has led to a rash"

    Says it all really.

  10. jake Silver badge

    Apparantly ...

    ... most of such online product is actually re-hydrated dried cow milk.

    Caveat emptor, as always, especially online.

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

    2. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge

      Re: Apparantly ...

      Caveat emptor, as always, especially online.

      Yep, where there's brass, there's muck.

      1. Anonymous Blowhard

        Re: Apparantly ...

        And W. C. Fields has never been so relevant:

        Never Give a Sucker an Even Break

  11. Admiral Grace Hopper

    They must be hungry

    I wondered why my colleagues spend so much time staring at my chest rather than making eye contact.

    1. Khaptain Silver badge

      Re: They must be hungry

      It's all a question of cleavage appetite.....

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Angel

    Clearly...

    this is a good topic for a Tim Worstall article.

    1. Rich 11

      Re: Clearly...

      Probably regarding the premium attached by the free market to product sourced from providers with different levels of celebrity status.

  13. TheProf
    Devil

    Watch out for fakes.

    Holly: Emergency back-up supply. We're on the dog's milk.

    Lister: Dog's milk?!

    Holly: Nothing wrong with dog's milk. Full of goodness, full of vitamins, full of marrowbone jelly. Lasts longer than any other type of milk, dog's milk.

    Lister: Why?

    Holly: No bugger'll drink it. Plus, of course, the advantage of dog's milk is that when it goes off, it tastes exactly the same as when it's fresh.

  14. Zog_but_not_the_first
    Coat

    Does that mean?

    The producer is a "cash cow".

    Coat and running shoes, obviously.

  15. Spiracle
    Headmaster

    Scarcity economics

    Women's BREAST MILK is the new 'liquid GOLD' of the internet

    So men's breast milk should command an even greater premium then.

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Will someone please...

    ............think of the children!

  17. TRT Silver badge

    Web ordering of fresh produce... Hmm... On demand lactation...

    An internet connected expressing device...

    The Internet of Things Personal Uplinked Mammary Palpating device.

  18. This post has been deleted by its author

    1. Billa Bong

      Strict no photography rule at the factory. The after-tour shop had no such policy.

  19. This post has been deleted by its author

  20. The last doughnut

    That's why I read El Reg - to keep abreast of developments.

  21. hi_robb

    Bad business idea this...

    It's bound to go tits-up.

  22. This post has been deleted by its author

  23. Surreal
    Paris Hilton

    Of course you can trust online sales!

    Homer: They're milking rats! Milking rats!

    Mayor Quimby: [to Fat Tony] Rats? I'm outraged. You promised me dog or higher.

    Paris, because now I'm pondering how much a pint of celebutard milk might auction for, and there's no Kim Kardashian icon

  24. Simon Harris

    Liquid gold of the internet.

    I thought Bitcoin was supposed to be modelled on gold and gold mining, and was therefore the gold of the internet.

    If breast milk is usurping it as the new gold of the internet, I vote we name it Titcoin.

  25. Martin Budden Silver badge
    Coat

    app names

    Doubtless they will be proper sharing economy app-based offerings rather than oldschool websites - a dozen names ending in "r" spring to mind.

    Tittr ye not! Or Knockr, Jugglr, or how about Milkr (for all she's worth).

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