surely the "OUT:" comment for "Colonial Marines from Aliens" should have been ... "It's Game over man, game over"....
Ninja Pirate Zombie Vampires versus Chuck Norris and the Space Marines
No fewer than 1,784 of you kindly volunteered to have your brains slurped in the initial stage of the Weekend Register's pioneering attempt to use hefty-data techniques to solve the most pressing puzzle of our era - namely who would win in a fight: pirates, ninjas, zombies, vampires, werewolves, aliens, robots, jedi, various …
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Saturday 30th August 2014 07:44 GMT VinceH
Plus, they'd stand a very good chance of winning if they just take off and nuke the site from orbit (because, as we know, it's the only way to be sure).
Unless any of the others have a means of transportation, in which case they wouldn't stand a very good chance of winning if they just took off and nuked the site from orbit (because, as it would therefore turn out) it isn't the only way to be sure.
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Saturday 30th August 2014 09:16 GMT P. Lee
> they'd stand a very good chance of winning if they just take off and nuke the site from orbit
While a technical possibility, the bosses are always far too stupid and greedy to take this option when its suggested by those who actually know what they are talking about.
Hmmm, that sounds like my workplace...
On a separate note, can we vote for the type of vampire we want to win, regardless of whether we think they actually would? :)
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Monday 1st September 2014 11:39 GMT I ain't Spartacus
Surely the out comment for colonial marines should be, "because we know what happens to them every time they come up against aliens. They end up as lunch."
Clearly the Aliens will get representation. But perhaps there should also be a place for Ripley. She's pretty damned hard to kill, and not too shabby on the slaughtering her enemies front either.
I guess the rude answer about jarheads is probably because the article is written by an ex-swabbie.
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Friday 29th August 2014 19:04 GMT Chris G
I fear for the future
Of the human race; Most of the voting results were in line with my votes, generally the nastier and more violent something is the more it is voted for, the slightly cuddlier or less deadly got a lot less of a look in.
Doesn't that say something about our proclivity for violence as a race or is it just Homo Vulturius as opposed to Homo Sapiens in general?
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Friday 29th August 2014 21:24 GMT Steve Knox
Re: I fear for the future
More likely, as this is a "who would win in a fight"* type study, the less deadly-seeming ones were voted against in an attempt to avoid extraneous low-level rounds against lightweights.
Me, I'm an empiricist. Just because something appears to be wimpy doesn't mean anything; they need to be tested in battle.
It's too bad the comments are being voted against; I was hoping to nominate such luminaries as:
Charles Bronson (makes Chuck Norris look like the mewling pretty-boy he is)
The Vogons (not so hot with weapons, but the things they can do with a properly authorized requisition form [or more to the point, the things they can not get done for lack of the proper paperwork]...)
Betty White (seriously, do NOT cross her.)
*Although that in itselft might say something about our proclivity for violence as a race...
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Saturday 30th August 2014 07:50 GMT VinceH
Re: I fear for the future
"It's too bad the comments are being voted against; I was hoping to nominate such luminaries as:"
I would definitely have offered up the Shadows as a suggestion.
Oh, and why are so many uninformed crazy folk suggesting that Daleks should be lumped in with robots? Don't you crazy people realise that there is a living creature inside a Dalek?
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Saturday 30th August 2014 13:48 GMT Steve Knox
Re: I fear for the future
Oh, and why are so many uninformed crazy folk suggesting that Daleks should be lumped in with robots? Don't you crazy people realise that there is a living creature inside a Dalek?
To be fair, El Reg itself is already lumping cyborgs, including Cybermen, in with robots too, even though cyborgs run the gamut from electronically-enhanced creature (e.g, Johnny Mnemonic, Captain Cyborg) through living brain in a machine body (e.g, Darth Vader, also roughly where the Daleks would fall on the scale -- technically there's more than a brain inside there, but depending on where exactly in the series you take them from, the organism's actual capabilities vary) or living body with an electronic brain, all the way to organically-enhanced machine (e.g, T-800 Model 101 [NOT T-101, BTW])
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Saturday 30th August 2014 12:48 GMT Chris G
Re: Morris Dancers.
I have met a few Morris dancers, in fact my old physics teacher was one.
Morris dancing is less about the dancing, (though it is an important part of English folk culture) than it is about the amount of good ale quaffing to be had. Have you ever seen Morris Dancers far from a good country pub?
I suspect Morris dancers would stand a good to excellent chance of winning at bar combat.
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Saturday 30th August 2014 05:58 GMT Kai Hauschildt
R2-D2 etc ARE combat robots by design.
C3PO is not a combat robot. He is a mass produced protocol droid. Some say he is some kid's homemade project. Right. Some kid is going to name the biggest achievement he makes some hodgepodge designation. Anyhow...
R2-D2 is a combat robot: R2 units are used as integral components on combat starships. (See the droid cup holder in the X-Wing and other designs.
Johnny-5 is the fifth combat droid in a series. He goes haywire due to a voltage spike.
There seems to be some confusion on the vulture's part as to what is or isn't a combat robot by design. Please do not unduly increase the chances of the whimsical robot brigade by including purpose built killing machines into their ranks.
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Saturday 30th August 2014 16:26 GMT Anonymous Coward
Re: R2-D2 etc ARE combat robots by design.
Only in the sense that non-lethal weapons are combat equipment because they include irritants. C3-PO, R2-D2 and Johny-5 are all more likely to provoke violence by virtue of being really annoying. They're combat targets. HK-47, now that's a combat robot. Meatbags.
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Monday 1st September 2014 11:50 GMT I ain't Spartacus
Re: R2-D2 etc ARE combat robots by design.
Only in the sense that non-lethal weapons are combat equipment because they include irritants. C3-PO, R2-D2 and Johny-5 are all more likely to provoke violence by virtue of being really annoying.
But that would make JarJar Binks the most powerful and deadly force in the universe!
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Saturday 30th August 2014 14:39 GMT Dave Bell
Military Alternatives
There are a huge number of alternatives to the human militaries you list.
And some not-human alternatives...
The Light Company of the South Essex Regiment, under the command of Richard Sharpe.
A Landing Force detachment of the Rain Island Army Union, with air support from the Naval Syndicate.
Any battalion of the British Expeditionary Force, August 1914
Or, if you really want to be nasty, any battalion of the same army, from the Western Front in August 1918.
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Saturday 30th August 2014 14:45 GMT Anonymous Coward
Everyone has missed a trick, in the 'aliens' segment no one has suggested we include the SG-1 Asgard or pre-ascended Ancients ?
How about B5's Vorlons/Shadows? Hell even the Minbari would give most classes a run for their money
Does the Ninja category include Assassin's Creed like characters?
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Monday 1st September 2014 11:58 GMT I ain't Spartacus
Re: No Commander Shepard / mixed bag of aliens on the winning side?
The Knnn have got to be good. And whatever the aliens are called in 'Hunter of Worlds'. Plus we have the Kif and the Mri for hand-to-hand (plus teeth) nastiness.
But the most dangerous of the lot has surely got to be the nighthorses. If they ever hear that bacon is available throughout the universe, I'm sure they'll soon 'persuade' some pilots to get them into space...
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Sunday 31st August 2014 15:57 GMT Tony Haines
hang on..
I'm a bit concerned about the zombie/vampire situation.
The traditional shambling zombie horde is clearly inferior to new improved turbo-zombie strains, and it makes sense to split vampires into gothic and cute types, but what about the various and diverse zombie-vampire hybrids as seen for example in "I am legend"? Where do they fit in?
Also, perhaps there should be a category for other aggressive hegemonising swarms. Mantred, the Borg, SG-1 replicators and the like.
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Monday 1st September 2014 12:59 GMT G Watty What?
CRITTERS - THEY BITE
I humbly request that Critters be added to the list of aliens to enter the fray.
What with stinging quills, a nasty attitude and they look like Sonic The Hedgehog's psychotic relatives, they must surely have representation in the arena of death.
Over and out.
P.s. relive the glory days here: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0090887/
Biting the hand that feeds IT
