back to article Canuck reader threatens suicide over exact dimensions of SPAAAACE!

It's been a while since I've received a decent flame email, so it's hats off to one Lorne Babcock for this missive which sizzled into my inbox this morning, bemoaning the headline "Beer in SPAAAACE! London Pride soars to 28,000m"... SPAAAACE! How many A's should there be in the word space? The years go by Lester, and you do …

  1. Code Monkey
    Headmaster

    There is one "a" in space. There are many in "spaaaace"

    This means "spaaaace", "spaaaaace", etc. are valid.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      There is one "a" in space. There are many in "spaaaace"

      Exactly. We just need to do this:

      public final static String SPAAAACE = "space";

      public final static String SPACE = "spaaaace";

      Sorted.

      1. DropBear
        Trollface

        Re: There is one "a" in space. There are many in "spaaaace"

        Pardon me but that clearly needs a patch. Here you go:

        - public final static String SPACE = "spaaaace";

        + public final static String SPACE = " ";

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: There is one "a" in space. There are many in "spaaaace"

          There are no "a"s in space. There are however several pigs.

          1. This post has been deleted by its author

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: There is one "a" in space. There are many in "spaaaace"

          - public final static String SPACE = " ";

          +public final static char SPACE = ' ';

          If we're going to be picky, then even if it's final the object should have the expected type, and a space is a character.

          1. d3rrial

            Re: There is one "a" in space. There are many in "spaaaace"

            void* space = 0;

            ftfy

            1. Someone Else Silver badge
              Headmaster

              Re: There is one "a" in space. There are many in "spaaaace"

              Actually, that is:

              void * space = nullptr;

              Please try to keep up...

              1. d3rrial

                Re: There is one "a" in space. There are many in "spaaaace"

                void* space = 0;

                is equal to that.

                Space is infinite, so if you start at a compiler-defined nullptr or at 0 does not matter, because infinity.

                I could just as well have said

                void* space = 1337;

                or whatever it doesn't make a difference.

                I did however forget to cast.

                So it should've been

                void* space = (void*)0;

                nullptr is c++11 specific which doesn't work well for the god-language that is C.

    2. Someone Else Silver badge

      How many? All of them. Next question?

    3. Mikel

      Ah

      That would be the Everett-Wheeeeeeler manifold universes hypothesis.

    4. Charles Manning

      But he's Canadian

      S-P-Eh-Eh-Eh-Eh-Eh-Eh-Eh-C-E

  2. Awil Onmearse

    What a muppet!

    "How many A's should there be in the word space?"

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=If2vHbaSmJA

  3. Mtech25
    Devil

    Was the extra P in copped part of the Joke?

    But it is funny either way.

  4. Ole Juul

    Which A?

    Å uses to be written as AA despite being considered one letter even then, so there could be two Ås and no A. Depends on whether you're Danish or not. Here in Canada we don't count things like that eh.

    1. MrT
      Coat

      AA, eh?

      "So we were trying to work out how many A's should be in space, eh?"

      "Spacey?"

      "Yeah, Space, so we thought four, eh?"

      "Foray?"

      "Yeah, four. It seems about right..."

      My sister has just visited from Windsor, ON, and it did sound a bit like "Road to the North Pole" at times... :-)

  5. Anonymous Blowhard

    Babcock the Canuck

    "A bit Like Conan the Barbarian, but armed with a baseball bat."

    Ice hockey stick, surely?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Babcock the Canuck

      Probably should be four A's as per four aces, four Ecks etc as a coinage based on prior art. I would say 5 or more is considered excessive based on this and is probably wasting a tiny fraction of my mobiles bandwidth.

      It's either that or the A's need the bar above to indicate long sounds like the dictionaries but given that I am assuming this is a PUN based on the age of the writers perhaps the announcement of the black and white lost in space or the colour pigs in space meme from the muppets is the driver.

      Either way 5 or more A's is cheating ...

    2. 's water music

      Re: Babcock the Canuck

      [weapons]

      Babcock? Something submarine shirley?

    3. Mark York 3 Silver badge
      Paris Hilton

      Re: Babcock the Canuck

      Given that it's now the summer, it should be a lacrosse stick.

      NATIONAL SPORTS OF CANADA

      Marginal note:Hockey and lacrosse to be national sports

      2. The game commonly known as ice hockey is hereby recognized and declared to be the national winter sport of Canada and the game commonly known as lacrosse is hereby recognized and declared to be the national summer sport of Canada.

      1. Darryl

        Re: Babcock the Canuck

        Nomenclature:

        Hockey played on grass = 'field hockey'

        Hockey played in a gymnasium = 'floor hockey' or 'ball hockey'

        Hockey played on ice = 'hockey'

        And the only reason for the winter sport/summer sport thing is lacrosse was originally Canada's national sport dating back to the original settlements, but hockey has taken over, so the politically correct way to handle it is to slowly phase out lacrosse by declaring them co-national sports for a while, until lacrosse can be quietly retired.

        1. Steve the Cynic

          Re: Babcock the Canuck

          "Nomenclature"

          Let me adjust that:

          "North American Nomenclature".

          In a certain soggy country north of France, "hockey" is played on grass, and "ice hockey" is played on ice. I don't recall a special term for a hockey-like game played in gymnasiums.

    4. Scroticus Canis
      Coat

      Re: Babcock the Canuck -"Ice hockey stick, surely?"

      No, Shirley it's "A lead filled snow shoe".

      Watch out where them huskies go, don't you eat that yellow snow...

  6. TRT Silver badge

    Everyone knows...

    there's no AAA is space. If you get a flat battery or need a spark plug up there, you're on your own.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Everyone knows...

      That, or a really good working relationship with Roskosmos. Before long, we're going to need to know what the word for "SPAAAACE" is in Russian and Chinese, and possibly Hindi. Unfortunately "пространство" is a bit of a mouthful, but at least the accent falls in the right place, so простраааанство! is an option.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Everyone knows...

      you do find them in the spaaace behind my couch's cushions - a whole 4 pack last week

    3. TAJW

      Re: Everyone knows...

      Actually Space AAA is AAAA.... being as it is the Final Frontier and all.

  7. MrDamage Silver badge

    To quote Weird Al

    Don't wanna be a Canadian idiot

    Don't wanna be some beer swillin' hockey nut

    And do I look like some frostbitten hose-head?

    I never learned my alphabet from A to Zed

    They all live on donuts and moose meat

    And they leave the house without packin' heat

    Never even bring their guns to the mall

    And you know what else is too funny?

    Their stupid Monopoly money

    Can't take 'em seriously at all

    Well maple syrup and snow's what they export

    They treat curling just like it's a real sport

    They think their silly accent is so cute

    Can't understand a thing they're talkin' aboot

    Sure they got their national health care

    Cheaper meds, low crime rates and clean air

    Then again well they got Celine Dion

    Eat their weight in Kraft macaroni

    And dream of drivin' a Zamboni

    All over Saskatchewan

    Don't wanna be a Canadian idiot

    Won't figure out their temperature in Celsius

    See the map, they're hoverin' right over us

    Tell you the truth, it makes me kinda nervous

    Always hear the same kind of story

    Break their nose and they'll just say "sorry"

    Tell me what kind of freaks are that polite?

    It's gotta mean they're all up to somethin'

    So quick, before they see it comin'

    Time for a pre-emptive strike!

    1. Gordon 10

      Re: To quote Weird Al

      I suspect the down voter doesn't get Weird Al. Have an upvote,

      1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge

        Re: To quote Weird Al

        I see you are a lumberjack and you are all right!

    2. ThatHairyCanadian
      Alert

      Re: To quote Weird Al

      Thankfully Weird Al got a few things wrong. We shipped Celine Dion to Vegas years ago (J-Biebs is held not far from there, too).

      Lucky for you yobs we truly know what it's like to be in absolute zero temps and survive.

      I, for one, am Proud To Be A Canadian (as per the following traditions...) http://youtu.be/AAbisg02JD4

      Oh yeah, I almost forgot why I came here tonight --> Take off, Eh?

  8. Jim 59

    Babcock

    To misquote Blackadder, this bloke has all the charm of a pub toilet at closing time.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Empty threats, don't you love 'm?

    I'm sure the actual act of committing would earn him an upvote.

  10. Tom 38

    It's been some years now since I have read any of your articles because every time I read your stuff, I feel like committing suicide.

    Expressing your feelings is good, but it is even better to actualise them.

  11. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge

    Let's just have SP(A+)CE, m'kay?

  12. Don Jefe

    Interview

    I suspect Babcock may be a terrorist. Who else would think such extreme measures over a wholly insignificant issue could be justified. You should have the email he sent you checked for Anthrax.

    1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge

      Re: Interview

      Did you mean "AAAAAnthrax"?

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    AAAAAAAAAAARSE!

    some woooooooords

  14. Gazareth

    Spaaaaaaaaaace is big. Really big.

    You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mindbogglingly big it is.

    1. Maty

      Re: Spaaaaaaaaaace is big. Really big.

      Space is not big. Space is a place for things to be big in.

  15. ItsNotMe
    Devil

    So he commits suicide.

    Will he be missed? Probably not. Wouldn't worry about it Lester.

  16. Spotfist
    Alien

    Shmoptional

    Easily fixed, you see space is an empty void that contains only stars so it's,

    SP*CE

    Thus using the wildcard and you can have as many or little A's as you like. That's the thing about space, nobody knows...

    The end.

    1. Swarthy

      Re: Shmoptional

      But that is only one star, and space contains many. Surely it is SP****CE, or as we don't know how many: SP(*+)CE.

      1. Robert Helpmann??
        Childcatcher

        Re: Shmoptional

        Yes, but you can't have lower case stars to simulate the loss of sound with the air running out of the environmental enclosure:

        SPAAAaaace!

        1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge

          Re: Shmoptional

          My God, it's full of wildcards.

          But they are being used incorrectly.

    2. Daniel von Asmuth
      Alien

      Re: Shmoptional

      Where is the 'A' in "SPICE GIRLS"?.

      1. Fink-Nottle

        Re: Shmoptional

        > Where is the 'A' in "SPICE GIRLS"?

        In Birmingham.

      2. TAJW

        Re: Shmoptional

        Clearly you've not seen them from the backside....

    3. Caesarius
      Headmaster

      Re: Shmoptional

      Every body stand back! I know regular expressions! (Obligatory quote)

      Now to be picky-picky-picky, and hope to goodness I don't slip up here:

      a) At least one A: SPA\+CE

      b) Stars in space: SP\*\*\+ or, better: SP\*\{2,}CE

      But I did upvote SP*CE, because it is poetically correct.

      1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge

        Re: Shmoptional

        You are using too many backslashes.

        SPA+CE

        SP\*\*+CE SP\*{2,}CE

        1. Caesarius
          Unhappy

          Re: Shmoptional, too many backslashes

          I've been using vim too much.

          See:

          http://vim.wikia.com/wiki/Simplifying_regular_expressions_using_magic_and_no-magic

          So much for this reassurance:

          "Vim's default 'magic' setting makes characters have the same meaning as in grep, and \v (very magic) makes them the same as the extended regular expressions used by egrep."

  17. Hollerith 1

    Speaking as a Canuck myself...

    Would Mr Babcock want to clarify how many As in Khan?

    As in KHAAAAAAAN?

    As spoken by that fine Canadian actor, Mr Shatner.

  18. Cipher
    Joke

    ...in space

    ...no one can hear an editor's screams...

  19. Mark Eccleston

    Lot of A's in space with Fonzie there.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WtW6wS3z97Q

  20. Alan Esworthy
    Pint

    random thought

    How about a little variety/uncertainty to spice it up a bit?

    Beer in SP(substr("AAAAAAAAAAAAAA",1,int(rnd()*10+2)CE!

  21. Marshalltown

    How many "A"'s in space.

    Hmmm, I don't think Babcock has really thought about his question systematically. Consider, the earth is in space, English is both spoken and written on earth, as well as used by the occasional astronaut. Looking at only written English, "A" is estimated to have a frequency of slightly over 8% in written English - and note that many European languages also use "A," although they often call it "Ah". So the answer would have to be, a very large number of "A"s are in space. Unfortunately, without better data the figure will remain indeterminate.

    1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge

      Re: How many "A"'s in space.

      "Here may be found the last words of Joseph of Arimathea: He who is radiation-resistant and has a full bottle of oxygen may find the Holy Grail in the Vastness of Spaaaacceeeehhh..."'

  22. lawndart

    Look, for the last time, it's not how big the damn thing is, it's what you do in it that counts.

  23. td97402

    Some of us over here are kind of hoping too...

    "I keep hoping that a very great chasm will open up someplace in the middle of his country and the whole bloody works of them will slide in and disappear."

    If we could just work it out so that chasm runs roughly along the Mississippi River and the chasm drags the west coast right up against the Appalachians. So that would be California, Oregon and Washington on one side and say Virginia through Maine on the other. That might sort a few things out here in the U.S.

  24. Neoc

    "Now, back to business. Just how many As are there in SPAAAAACE, exactly?"

    Depends on which season of the Muppets you are watching.

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