back to article SPIDER-TROOP, Spider-troop, does whatever a spider troop can

Mad military boffinry agency DARPA has come up with the latest iteration of a fan-favourite tech – gecko-inspired climbing pads that will allow GI Joes to scale walls like Spider-Man. The Defence Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA) has used its Z-Man project to get the first known example of a human climbing a 25-foot (7 …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    But will it get him out of the bath?

    1. Frumious Bandersnatch

      But will it get him out of the bath?

      Unfortunately, the Internet has only 4 references to this, but with the aid of the appropriate Japanese chindogou (in this case, a ladder specifically designed for a spider to escape a slippery bath), the answer is "yes". (by themselves, the spider gloves, zey do nothing, though).

  2. Spearchucker Jones

    "war-fighters"?!?

    As opposed to what? Seal clubbers? War lovers? Whatever happened to the soldiers? Guessing someone ran corporate speak up Darpa's flagpole, and that got socialised out to the media...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: "war-fighters"?!?

      I think it refers to people who are actually doing the shooting and being shot at; as opposed to support staff who are also soldiers.

    2. VeganVegan

      Re: "war-fighters"?!?

      Inter-service rivalry/jealousies.

      Some "war fighters" do not want to be called "soldiers" (implying army), preferring "aviators", "sailors" or "marines" instead.

      1. P. Lee
        Coat

        Re: "war-fighters"?!?

        I'd suggest that the requirements to climb sheer walls in the air or at sea is somewhat limited.

        Commandos climbing aboard a ship from sea-level perhaps.

        The alternative might be to surgically attach these to sailors and then remove all the ladders from ships, making them difficult to commandeer by opposing forces.

    3. auburnman

      Re: "war-fighters"?!?

      'Democracy Installation Technicians*' is the favoured euphemism of the internet - I'm surprised that the military PR hasn't tried to adopt this one.

      *"Hello, Iraq here. I appear to be having some trouble with my recently installed Democracy, can you put me through to your support line?"

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Devil

    Why not just use gecko feet stuck to a board?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      If it's so good...

      why does the pic show a bloke who needs a hard hat and a safety harness? Looks like the title should have read:

      DARPA's Z-Man gecko tech turns MAINTENANCE LACKY into FRIGHTENED GUINEA PIG

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: If it's so good...

        Workplace health and safety… I don't think anyone had any say in the matter.

        It didn't look like a combat situation.

    2. Martin Budden Silver badge
      Coat

      Why not just use gecko feet stuck to a board?

      How would you get the gecko feet to stick to... oh never mind.

      (It's gecko feet all the way down)

  4. i like crisps
    FAIL

    FLAW #1

    You don't often see perfectly clean glass surfaces in a War Zone.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: FLAW #1

      That's because they're clean

      1. ecofeco Silver badge
        Coffee/keyboard

        Re: FLAW #1

        "That's because they're clean"

        BA DUMP BA!

    2. Mark 85

      Re: FLAW #1

      You don't often see INTACT glass surfaces in a War Zone.

      FTFY. Glass is the first thing to go either by explosions or bullets from attackers or broken out by defenders who don't want to get by the stuff.

      IF this will work on brick, stone, concrete, wood, etc. then they're on to something useful. Not just military either.

  5. AbortRetryFail

    "first known example"

    Hasn't this already been done on Mythbusters ages ago?

    1. toxicdragon

      Re: "first known example"

      They did, as did gadget show too

    2. A Known Coward

      Re: "first known example"

      Not exactly, Mythbusters used vacuum pads which is an entirely different technology and pretty old hat. What Darpa demonstrated is cutting edge and very cool.

  6. James 51

    Was I the only one who saw this and immediately thought of applications in space? Imagine the sole of boots and gloves in spacesuits covered with this. New designs for tethers. Robots could use it too. Could be a good way to grab a satellite you wanted to do maintenance on. Instead of grabbing it with a robot arm, have the arm end in a pad of this stuff and put it against the best surface you can manage.

  7. Neil Barnes Silver badge

    Space sounds like an excellent location to use this[1]

    Space is at least clean, at least most of the bits we've stuck up there are. I can't help feeling there's going to be a certain amount of dust and mud sticking to places you might want to climb while fighting.

    [1] and in space, no-one can hear you scream if you fall off.

    1. Martin Budden Silver badge

      Re: Space sounds like an excellent location to use this[1]

      Which begs the question, how come gecko feet don't get clogged with dust?

      1. Jedit Silver badge

        "Which begs the question, how come gecko feet don't get clogged with dust?"

        And the even more pertinent question: why are we sending humans into space to retrieve satellites instead of specially trained geckos?

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    yet another device that only works well against it's own

    so here we have a device that allows scaling of tall vertical urban surfaces. the likes of which are mostly to be found in Western Society.

    Another weapon system that works best against the people who paid for it, and is useless against foreign threats. Not gonna use this to climb a single story mud hut or mountainsides.

    Just like making weapons to "wound" (and theoretically remove that soldier and the buddies who haul him to safety) doesn't work when your enemy gives not a single f**k about his own casualties, or the casualties themselves have no self preservation built into their mission.

  9. Asylum Sam

    He's climbing glass because...

    it's the best surface to prove the tech works. Ever see a gecko fall off a rock? No, because it works on most surfaces, it's small scale surface interaction, so doesn't require the surface to be smooth. Nice flat sheets of the stuff on nice flat stiff boards that can have hand holds attached is just the simplest way to work with it.

    1. Chris G

      Re: He's climbing glass because...

      The effect is due to the Van der Waals quantum effect explained here http://faculty.washington.edu/bergs/Simon_Sponberg/Gecko_Adhesion.html

      Quite a few people have been playing around with this for a number of reasons, including I suspect The Great cat burglar of Santiago de Compostela

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: He's climbing glass because...

        So, no matter what this suff costs, if it works, there will be a huge market for it outside of the governments.

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    When this technology inevitably gets disseminated to law enforcement we get...

    Spider-pig?

    (Mine's the Spiderman suit by the door...OK, its actually adult-sized Spiderman underoos.....No, I am not proud of that.)

    1. Chris G

      Re: When this technology inevitably gets disseminated to law enforcement we get...

      Just sitting here reading El Reg and a gecko ran across the window in front of me and caught a large juicy moth. Excluding the juicy moth it looked really cool, if I could get the pads from DARPA I'd consider getting Spidey 'jamas.

      Who's gonna take the mick when you are running across their ceiling?

    2. Euripides Pants
      Trollface

      Re: When this technology inevitably gets disseminated to law enforcement we get...

      Ya misspelt "under ooze".

      1. P. Lee
        Coat

        Re: When this technology inevitably gets disseminated to law enforcement we get...

        > Ya misspelt "under ooze".

        Under ooze law is that a crime?

        1. Euripides Pants
          Terminator

          Re: When this technology inevitably gets disseminated to law enforcement we get...

          "Under ooze law is that a crime?"

          OK, you got me there.

          Since it isn't covered by the 3 Laws of Robotics*, must me legal...

          *none of the other laws matter

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    What I learned today

    If 25 ft is 7.62 m, then the popular rifle caliber 7.62 mm is 1/40 ft.

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: What I learned today

      ... and 1/40ft is exactly 0.3 inches. Seems a reasonable origin for 7.62mm. Not sure why they didn't choose (say) 5/16" instead though.

  12. Don Jefe

    High Ground

    Haha! Fuck you DARPA. Our windows are coated with Rain-X Glass Treatment for Secure Facilities. Based on technology originally developed by the aerospace industry, Rain-X Glass Treatment for Secure Facilities eliminates microscopic imperfections in glass by filing them with an optically transparent polymer that drastically reduces surface tension and virtually eliminates molecular entanglement.

    Is Rain-X Glass Treatment for Secure Windows for you? Of course it is, but don't trust us. Hear what our customers have to say. Here's Don Jefe, a satisfied user of Rain-X Glass Treatment for Secure Facilities:

    'One of the most important lessons I have learned during my decades of work inside high security facilities of strategic national value, it's that buildings often have windows. It seemed so obvious to me, but nobody would listen. In my seven years at ORNL I filled over 2,100 'Security Concern Reports' detailing the issue and watching with dismay as new buildings were built and they all had windows. But Rain-X saw the problem and knew it wasn't going to go away, so they created Rain-X Glass Treatment for Secure Facilities'.

    'Rain-X Glass Treatment for Secure Facilities is a cost effective, low maintenance, high value addition in any asymmetric facility defense strategy. Designed with today's threats in mind, Rain-X Glass Treatment for Secure Facilities provides 'always on' defense against traditional State controlled military aggressors as well as terrorists, organized private forces such as COBRA, Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses or other forces that normally views windows as transparent doors. You will feel safer with Rain-X Glass Treatment for Secure Facilities between you and the enemy. Ask your facility Security Chief to contact Rain-X and request a FREE product education kit containing demonstration videos, product samples, technical data and TCO worksheets. Let Rain-X know and when your Security Chief contacts them you will receive a referral award of $1000 and a 64oz bottle of Rain-X Glass Treatment for cars and an enamel tie tack.'

    Before we go, Don Jefe wants to tell you a bit more, so here he is: 'In today's globalized world physical threats are obviously of great concern, but all the threats you face aren't physical. Financial threats are just as dangerous as Zartan or Destro, but they are more difficult to see coming. The best defense you can have against financial threats is to ensure your funds are spent wisely. That's true with government agencies, private businesses or day care centers and schools. By using Rain-X Glass Treatment for Secure Facilities you are gaining low cost physical protection as well as a reducing exterior maintenance costs by up to 60% annually. Rain-X Glass Treatment for Secure Facilities also blocks UV and some infrared light wavelengths so your furnishings and documents will last longer and resist color fade. You just can't go wrong with Rain-X Glass Treatment for Secure Facilities'.

    1. Jan 0 Silver badge

      Re: High Ground

      Sublime!

      One upvote isn't enough:-(

    2. P. Lee
      Coat

      Re: High Ground

      Or you could just throw a chair at the pane of glass being climbed...

      I guess MS' HQ is pretty safe.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: High Ground

      You should have gone into advertising. :)

  13. John Gamble
    Childcatcher

    Z-Man

    Hmm. I wonder how the game company feels about DARPA using their name.

    (I recommend Pandemic. Which does sound DARPA-like, now that I think of it.)

  14. A K Stiles
    Go

    Pandemic

    Up-vote for the Pandemic recommendation. It's a great co-operative game for small groups and, just occasionally, it lets you win!

  15. Dr Patrick J R Harkin

    Geckoman

    Someone should write a song about that. Oh hang on, someone has...

    http://www.mitchbenn.com/music-stuff/70/geckoman.html

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