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back to article Apple Fanbois are the biggest pervs, say people who know

Slab-fondling Apple fanbois have been outed as the world's biggest perverts, a new study from grumble site Pornhub has claimed. Safari, the fruity firm's browser, is smut lovers' favourite one-handed surfing software. It accounts for 38 per cent of Pornhub's mobile phone traffic and 73 per cent of tablet traffic. On tablets, …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    But Chrome (8 mins 24 sec) and Firefox (8 min 29 sec) seem to get the job done a full 2 minutes faster. And for Opera users, the BBW lady sings in only 7 and a half minutes."

    So faster page rendering times do matter.

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    1. TRT Silver badge
      Reply Icon

      With your Safari browser, the fapping is just something to do whilst the page loads.

      12 0
  2. NoneSuch Silver badge

    Wanting to keep up with fanbois demand, the new iPhone will have hand lotion and tissues dispensers mounted on the sides.

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  3. Rodrigo Valenzuela

    Now there is something for Tim Cook to brag about

    R

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  4. cashxx

    Not surprising

    Its not surprising as iOS has the most mobile traffic on the web with people who actually use their devices.

    6 8
    1. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Not surprising

      "Its not surprising as iOS has the most mobile traffic on the web with people who actually use their devices."

      Its not surprising as iOS has the most mobile traffic on the web with people who actually abuse their devices. - fixed

      7 4
      1. Anonymous Coward
        Reply Icon
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Not surprising

        "Its not surprising as iOS has the most mobile traffic on the web with people who actually abuse their devices."

        Its not surprising as iOS has the most mobile traffic on the web with people who actually self-abuse their devices. - fixed your fix.

        10 1
        1. VinceH
          Reply Icon

          Re: Not surprising

          "Its not surprising as iOS has the most mobile traffic on the web with people who actually self-abuse their devices."

          Its not surprising as iOS has the most mobile traffic on the web with people who actually self-abuse using their devices.

          You know that fix you fixed? I fixed it.

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          1. Michael 28
            Reply Icon

            Re: Not surprising

            http://www.amazon.co.uk/Stuck-Up-Inserted-Ingested-Shouldnt/dp/0312680082#reader_0312680082

            There are some pages and x-rays solely for the Ipod and Iphone.

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    2. John Bailey
      Reply Icon

      Re: Not surprising

      "Its not surprising as iOS has the most mobile traffic on the web with people who actually use their devices."

      And did you at least wash your hands before you posted that..

      No point making excuses.. we know what you were doing.

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  5. Anonymous Coward
    Trollface

    Apple fanbois...

    bunch of wankers...

    30 8
  6. TRT Silver badge

    It's obvious...

    that Apple's design styling - light weight, ease of single handed use etc, makes it ideal for this kind of activity.

    But I'm shocked, really, given the lack of a Flash player in iOS. I mean, most porn sites use a Flash video delivery system still. Very few have gone over to HTML5 video or similar Safari compliant standard. Zootube hasn't, for instance... and... I'm saying too much, aren't I?

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    1. the spectacularly refined chap
      Reply Icon

      Re: It's obvious...

      But I'm shocked, really, given the lack of a Flash player in iOS.

      That was my thought too but oddly that is why I am not shocked. Most video sites are still heavily dependent on Flash so it follows that the HTML5 sites are going to do proportionately better on platforms that don't support Flash.

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  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Pictures or ...

    No wait. it's ok.

    3 0
  9. Mark 85
    Paris Hilton

    Who would have thought

    That folks prefer porn on a small, very small screen instead of their big desktops. Or maybe this what they do when they're riding the bus?

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    1. Captain DaFt
      Reply Icon

      Re: Who would have thought

      "Or maybe this what they do when they're riding the bus?"

      Is that what the kids are calling it these days? Slang is so weird!

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      1. Anonymous Coward
        Reply Icon
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Who would have thought

        OT, but reminds me anyway:

        Two nuns ridng their bikes down a cobbled street. The first nun says to the other "i've never come this way before", the other smiles back "No, great isn't it?"

        Yeah, OK, old isn't always gold....

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  10. Big-nosed Pengie
    Trollface

    This gives new meaning to

    "You're holding it wrong."

    7 0
    1. TRT Silver badge
      Reply Icon

      Re: This gives new meaning to

      Mmm, yes baby. You like that 5s don't you. It's so much longer than your last 4s, ain't it? Yeah... stroke it, it's hard too. Not like that 5c.

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  11. ben edwards

    Well, it can also mean that Android users just can't get it up.

    "It" being a video that finishes before the battery does.

    2 5
  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Time spent closing ads?

    I suspect the time differential between browsers may have a lot to do with how much miscellaneous crap you have to clear off the screen - no, you know what I mean - before you can see the action.

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  13. John Savard

    I Doubt It

    I doubt that Apple users are more likely to use the Internet to watch or obtain porn than Windows users.

    Instead, they're showing up more on that particular site because they're more likely to purchase porn online and pay for it. Which is a significant distinction.

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    1. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I Doubt It

      Instead, they're showing up more on that particular site because they're more likely to purchase porn online and pay for it. Which is a significant distinction.

      I know Apple users are often derided about being stupid for paying the prices charged by Apple for their latest version of old technology, but I'm not sure they're stupid enough to pay for porn.

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    2. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I Doubt It

      "...more likely to purchase porn online and pay for it"

      But I doubt they're likely to pay for it twice, which would indeed be a significant distinction.

      0 0
    3. Julian Taylor
      Reply Icon

      Re: I Doubt It

      Its just that it is so hard to concentrate on the 'subject at hand', so to speak, while at the same time Norton is screaming "do you want to update your antivirus definitions?", Windows is telling you to run Windows Update and IE is telling you that it thinks it has found a porn site.

      1 0
  14. Ted Treen
    Trollface

    What? Even bigger than...

    ...those whose whole raison d'être appears to be to scour the web to find spurious items for a vicarious pop at Apple?

    Oh, wait! It's Jasper, of course. MD of "Trolls'R'Us"...

    1 3
  15. Jedit Silver badge
    Coat

    Why is this a surprise to anyone?

    We've always known that an iPhone is like a penis. Tell the owner their pride and joy is too small and they'll say they've never had any problems using it or had any complaints about the size, and prising it out of their hand is seemingly impossible.

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  16. Bradley Hardleigh-Hadderchance
    Coat

    This doesn't surprise me at all

    Because everyone I know that uses a PC is too busy trying to fix it, because it 'just doesn't work'.

    Seriously though, I knew a few techs for apple that lived in London and they would go out and help install and troubleshoot stuff, at great cost to the customer, of course. One of them even got to eat a bit of Nigella's cake! Ooh err.

    They opened me up to a whole new world of filth and nastiness that I just never knew existed. Sites like B'd up dot com. Horrible horrible shit. Total porn dogs.

    And they seemed such nice boys when I first met them in the pub in Tottenham. Then again, they were from the West Country.

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