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back to article Florida bloke cuffed for pit bull shag outrage

A Florida dog-lover earned himself a cuffing last week after allegedly making the beast with two backs with a pit bull, this shock local report recounts. According to cops, Tampa officers were flagged down by locals disturbed by 57-year-old Bernard Marsonek's public display of cano-jiggyness Police mugshot of Bernard Marsonek …

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  1. Bob Wheeler
    Joke

    What have tinkers ever done to El Reg?

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    1. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Happy

      Most likely nicked the copper (or fibre) outside the office, along with Chavs, scoundrel's, blaggards and ne'er do wellers

      2 1
  2. Cosmo
    Linux

    Those eyes! They will give me nightmares...

    That is all.

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    1. Anonymous Coward
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      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Those eyes! They will give me nightmares...

      That's what she said :)

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    2. Amorous Cowherder
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      Happy

      Re: Those eyes! They will give me nightmares...

      Anyone else think of Arnie's adversary in the original Total Recall?

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    3. Joe User
      Reply Icon

      Re: Those eyes! They will give me nightmares...

      Clearly a Marty Feldman wanna-be.

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      1. Intractable Potsherd
        Reply Icon

        Re: Those eyes! They will give me nightmares...

        Looks to me like the canine involved gave him oral sex ...

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  3. Anomalous Cowturd
    WTF?

    @Lester

    Shall I just send smutty news tips direct to you from now on?

    The news-desk have been sitting on this since Friday.

    And not a word of thanks.

    :o(

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  4. gaz 7

    by those eyes..

    I'm wondering if the pit bull shagged him.

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    1. Sherrie Ludwig
      Reply Icon

      Re: by those eyes..

      Good grief, no! Any pitbulls I have befriended have MUCH better taste that that. (I imagine even after biting him, they'd have to go wash their mouths out - BLECH!) Poor animal.

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  5. Baron Ebaneezer Wanktrollop III

    Takeover imminent

    Now that's two dog shagging stories in less than a week - is El Reg fishing for a Daily Mail buy-out?

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    1. Jim 48
      Reply Icon

      Re: Takeover imminent

      It's probably the context of the story, but I read that as "fisting for a buy-out"

      2 1
    2. Mark 85
      Reply Icon
      Coat

      Re: Takeover imminent

      I was thinking the other way around... El Reg buying out the Daily Mail. OK.. I'll go quietly.

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  6. Winkypop Silver badge
    WTF?

    Taking the bull by the horn!

    The poor dog will have nightmares

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  7. lansalot

    ...

    EIGHT, at his house?? What was this, some sort of doggy-brothel?

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  8. Gordon 10
    Coat

    Police later described the scene at the house

    as a Mongrelian Cluster F*ck

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    1. horsham_sparky
      Reply Icon
      Coffee/keyboard

      Re: Police later described the scene at the house

      genius comment.. lol

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  9. horsham_sparky
    Alert

    blimey

    His picture makes it look like the pitt-bull is getting its own back! His eyes look like someone's just slapped his back and they're about to pop out and cannon off the cameraman

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  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Isn't this just

    a "Normal for Florida" story?

    Even Floridians admit that when they see headlines like this, they assume that their State is involved somehow.

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    1. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Isn't this just

      You're goddamn right.

      - Tampa, FL

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      1. Sherrie Ludwig
        Reply Icon

        Re: Isn't this just

        "Normal for Florida?"

        Can you Floridians do something about the politicians you've been electing? They make this guy look like a pillar of the community. Just embarrassing. I moved out of Ohio because it was looking like Florida without the palm trees. Something in the water? Secret CIA trials of mind-altering substances?

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      2. Anonymous Coward
        Reply Icon
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Isn't this just

        "Florida Man" seems to be busy yet again, and this time he looks like he was taking comfort with a handle of some of Auburndale's Finest "Whiskey" (as last week was a very good year) and a Steel Reserve or six from ABC, as well as some fine Largo Meth.

        In other words, Ceterum censeo Polk/Pasco/Pinellas County esse delendam. Oughta be a mantra from Sanford to Sarasota.

        -Orlando, FL

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    2. James O'Shea
      Reply Icon

      Re: Isn't this just

      "Even Floridians admit that when they see headlines like this, they assume that their State is involved somehow."

      Of course. See further the infamous 'Florida Man' column.

      http://www.mypalmbeachpost.com/news/news/state-regional/cerabino-misadventures-of-florida-man-provides-a-c/nbhNH/

      There was a recent letter in the PB Post wherein someone complained about how the news media are always picking on Florida, don't stories like this happen elsewhere? (Answer... apparently not. At least not with _eight_ dogs and illegal guns.)

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  11. Richard Wharram

    I shouldn't need to know

    ...but I need to know.

    Was it a boy or girl doggie? Was he the active partner? Had the dog been trained with treats? Did he use protection?

    I shouldn't need to know. But I do.

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    1. horsham_sparky
      Reply Icon

      Re: I shouldn't need to know

      That's soo... wrong! my eyes feel violated! I don't want to know any of that.. *covers up ears* lalalala can't hear you lalalala *shudder*

      1 1
  12. proto-robbie
    Holmes

    There's a perfectly innocent explanation ...

    ... Bernard, Bernard? Could you give the dog a bone?

    Just as well he picked the right end though.

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  13. McHack

    Well that's tragic

    Look at those bulging eyes, that face. Those are going to be some really ugly pug-faced puppies.

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  14. DrXym

    Of course he ignored their commands

    Everyone knows you have to throw a bucket of cold water over them

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  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    He should count himself lucky to have only been charged with a few things - some years ago we had a case where 3 pitbulls killed the guy that used them in the same way.

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  16. pacman7de
    Facepalm

    Vulture Central parameters of good taste ..

    "This was as a result of an internal Vulture Central review of the parameters of good taste"

    Getting the Vulture to define parameters of good taste, is like asking Hannibal Lecter to edit the Michelin Guide ..

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    1. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge
      Reply Icon

      Re: Vulture Central parameters of good taste ..

      Exactly.

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    2. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Vulture Central parameters of good taste ..

      What exactly would be wrong in getting Hannibal Lecter to edit the Michelin Guide?

      A A Gill, now...

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      1. Anonymous Coward
        Reply Icon
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Vulture Central parameters of good taste ..

        Getting the Michelin man to edit the Michelin guide would be a mistake. Yum, tyres.

        2 0
  17. Jemma

    In (mostly) the words of the great Pterry..

    "He'd have given his right arm to be called two-*dogs*-fscking..."

    And I wouldn't blame the Floridians too much - I've seen similar in Ohio & Ipswich UK (the redhead will remain nameless).

    Inconsequential fact - a dogs wang is actually cleaner than the average humans mouth..

    0 1
    1. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: In (mostly) the words of the great Pterry..

      I would really like a link to the research that established that.

      Is that before or after my dog has gone for a walk and decided to stand in a stagnant pond up to his chest?

      I doubt Florida is in reality much worse than other places; perhaps they are just more upfront about reporting things.

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      1. Jemma
        Reply Icon

        Re: In (mostly) the words of the great Pterry..

        The equipment...,so to speak, is retracted for the majority of the time so it stays nice and protected even when they find the most disgusting places to roll around.

        The bit you see doing the dangle is the sheath - not the business end of things - that only shows up when needed.

        As to the research - what do you think vetinarians do all day - its hardly rocket science - just compare the flora on the human body with that of a dog and you'll find that dogs are actually cleaner at both ends - less nasties if you kiss a dog than the average human.. and vice (squad) versa..

        There are some zoonoses you need to watch - especially with cats - new research indicates infection with a particular cat parasite makes you more likely to have car accidents.. by slowing reflexes & altering risk perception.

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        1. Anonymous Coward
          Reply Icon
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: In (mostly) the words of the great Pterry..

          Well, I know the vet is expensive but I hadn't realised it was because she spends all day comparing dogs' flora with that of human beings. You live and sometimes you learn.

          Cats - nasty brutes and I'm not surprised they spread diseases. I also learned today that they are responsible for the near-extermination of really cute flightless parrots in New Zealand, and now you tell me that they are responsible for Audi drivers.

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        2. Scroticus Canis
          Reply Icon

          Re: In (mostly) the words of the great Pterry..

          Jemma you are showing a worrying level of knowledge about this subject. Is there anything we need to know?

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        3. Anonymous Coward
          Reply Icon
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: In (mostly) the words of the great Pterry..

          > you'll find that dogs are actually cleaner at both ends - less nasties if you kiss a dog than the average human..

          I think doggy hygiene has improved greatly over recent years. "Dog breath" used to be a credible insult but now the chances are it's the owner who's the halitotic one. Dunno about the other end but it brings to mind the joke about the bloke who goes into a pub and sees a dog licking its knob.

          Bloke to barman: "I wish I could do that!"

          Barman: "If you buy him a packet of crisps, he'll let you."

          Boom boom! The old ones are the best.

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  18. Semtex451
    Go

    This IS a story

    .....not like that pen shortage dross from earlier today.

    Thank you.

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  19. Scott Broukell
    Joke

    Guess he might have a ruff time if he ends up in jail.

    If he had fornicated with a sheep he would certainly end up behind ba-s.

    Let sleeping dogs lie - that ones shagged out anyway.

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    1. James O'Shea
      Reply Icon

      "If he had fornicated with a sheep"

      Here, now, this is Florida, where men are men, women are men too, and everyone who doesn't have a gun is nervous, not Scotland, where men are men, women are men too, and sheep are nervous.

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  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "Florida man" - that's an entirely separate category in the newspapers. Check out Florida Man on Twitter.

    1 0
  21. Ketlan
    Devil

    Eek!

    Marsonek doesn't look bonkers at all, does he.

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    1. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Eek!

      I think they apply the reverse of the process that is used to produce those impossibly perfect pictures of models. You can't have perverts looking like normal people, can you?

      1 0
  22. sad_loser
    IT Angle

    thyrotoxicosis ??

    The IT angle on this story for some reason eluded me.

    always a bit dodgy making diagnoses over the internet, but it looks like he has got Graves disease - thyrotoxicosis, whch can send people a bit mad.

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    1. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge
      Reply Icon

      Re: thyrotoxicosis ??

      The reason for your post has for some reason eluded me. It's always a bit dodgy making diagnoses over the internet, but it looks like you've got a nasty case of sense of humour failure, which can send people a bit dull.

      2 0
  23. Gartal

    My what a handsome gentleman. Obviously some former President's relation by marriage.

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  24. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Brings a new meaning to "my girlfriend's a dog", though with looks like his, I don't imagine 'choosy' was an option, except perhaps the kind that comes in a can.

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  26. Unicornpiss

    Were there no picnic tables available?

    http://www.northwestohio.com/news/story.aspx?id=150083#.UyLOxdumfRo

    As a side note, I'll bet no one messes with him in prison. Anyone that willingly will have sex with a pit bull will likely not be someone's bitch...

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