back to article Oz couple get jiggy in pharmacy in 'banned' condom ad

Oz prophylactic outfit Four Seasons Condoms is enjoying a runaway viral marketing success with a "banned" advert for its Naked Condoms deemed unfit for Downunder TV. The firm teamed up with comedian Gary Eck to produce a series of "spots" featuring the escapades of "Raquel and Tyson", and intended to "create a campaign aimed …

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  1. Number6

    Well, it's got to be a lot cheaper than a TV ad campaign, and probably provides a better boost to sales...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      He needs a hair cut.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        "He needs a hair cut."

        Definitely. The 80's look isn't good. Men shouldn't have long hair, that's for girls.

        1. asdf

          wow

          >Men shouldn't have long hair, that's for girls.

          Granted I agree looks wise but your comment is far too close to the buzz cut redneck ahole yelling get a haircut hippy. Have a downvote.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        They both look like girls, is it a lesbian thing? Femidoms?

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "knocked it [the spot] back asking for the removal of all sexual references"

    Then you don't have an ad at all. The product itself is a sexual reference.

  3. John Tserkezis

    Funny that..

    Why is it that the only ads worth watching are distributed on Youtube only?. A far cry from the feeble attempts that do actually air, they're not even trying.

    Pretty much expains why I haven't watched live TV, or TV ads, for well in excess of a decade, and have no plans to change.

    Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to buy some condoms. Though, I'll test them at home...

    1. Chris Hunt

      Re: Funny that..

      How do you know what the "feeble attempts that do actually air" are like if you haven't watched any for over 10 years?

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    It's quite refreshing to be honest.

    Raised a bit of a titter, ooh, er.

  5. raving angry loony

    Australia's CAD (Commercials Advice) - which classifies ads for TV broadcast - "knocked it [the spot] back asking for the removal of all sexual references"

    I like that. I guess the Puritans (wait, I thought they all went to the Americas? Were some transported to Australia?) who staff this pile of puerile shite department don't want condom commercials at all then? Which makes sense - the kind of people who staff these things (or worse, make the asinine rules they follow) would probably have been better off caught in a condom tip, not eventually growing up into who they became.

    1. Tac Eht Xilef

      CAD is a department of Free TV Australia. They make and police the rules about television content.

      Free TV Australia, by the way, is 100% owned and operated by the commercial TV networks. "Puerile shite" is all they do.

      1. Rampant Spaniel

        Have they ever shown a movie that included any scenes of the beast with two heads? It would seem rather contradictory if they had!

        1. Eddie Deguello

          I think you mean "the beast with two backs"... or you're talking about this dodgy horror flick: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0069372/

          1. Rampant Spaniel

            Well caught :) my apologies, you are odd course correct.

            1. Mephistro
              Coat

              "Well caught :) my apologies, you are odd course correct."

              In your favor, I'll say that the beast in question usually has also two heads, unless there's something really nasty* going on.

              * e.g. one of the participants is Lindsay Lohan.

        2. Dramoth
          Pint

          "Have they ever shown a movie that included any scenes of the beast with two heads? It would seem rather contradictory if they had!"

          Are we talking about documentaries about Tasmanians having sexual relations?

          Man... some of my fellow Australians are rather uptight and could use a good shag... especially those muppets in CAD... after a couple of nice relaxing beers.

          Cheers

  6. Rampant Spaniel

    Can't see the problem with this being shown later at night? Methinks perhaps it is not the 'sexual reference' being inappropriate but rather a religious prejudice \ prudishness on the part of a few individuals in a position of power with half an excuse acting as a fig leaf.

    1. Steve Evans

      Probably your standard complaint pattern...

      Mary Whitehouse style person witnesses ad and is offended and writes to world plus dog to complain.

      World plus dog read complaint and write to complain, having never actually seen it.

      1. Dazed and Confused

        Re: Mary Whitehouse wanna be

        > Probably your standard complaint pattern...

        Mary Whitehouse style person witnesses ad and is offended and writes to world plus dog to complain.

        More like that the MW type hears of plans, sets out to be offended and then complains

        1. kraut

          Re: Mary Whitehouse wanna be

          Watching TV with intent to be offended...now that would be an offence (sic) I could support.

  7. Pete 47

    "Come again!...."

    Did an El Reg hack have a hand in the script?

    1. Dave W

      Re: "Come again!...."

      *groan*... and upvote.

    2. Anonymous Custard
      Joke

      Re: "Come again!...."

      Hmm, Apu and the Kwik-e-Mart in the Simpsons are never going to seem quite the same again with that ad stuck in the back of my memory...

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: "Come again!...."

        Hilarious

    3. Bob H

      Re: "Come again!...."

      I did have a titter at that line.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Brokeback mountain version

    I wonder what the comments would have been like if this had been two guys...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Pint

      Re: Brokeback mountain version

      Bearish...

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Brokeback mountain version

        > Bearish...

        Class, Sir. Class. :)

    2. Jemma

      Re: Brokeback mountain version

      Aka "Soreass Hill" - yikes, watched that film and all I could liken it to was a David Attenborough documentary on gay men - Troy has its lady of soundtrack sorrow - that had its twink of tremendous terrain.. and is it me or do they look far too related.. ?

  9. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

    Pathetic

    Calling her mother, noticing that toothpaste's on sale while f*cking? The earth clearly does not move for her. Either the condoms are rubbish or the hairy Romeo or both... Or is it normal in Australia?

    1. Magnus_Pym

      Re: Pathetic

      You see this ad carries a serious message, a commercial interest and a comedy element. That part is the comedy element.

    2. Khaptain Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: Pathetic

      @Vlad

      And just what do you think that your girlfriend or wife is actually thinking about whilst you are "nuptualising"....

      1. Dave 126 Silver badge

        Re: Toothpaste

        It's a similar joke to one in Rab C Nesbitt:

        MARY DOLL: Rab, I don't mind you having a fag before sex, and I don't mind you having a fag after sex. I don't even mind you smoking a fag during sex, but do you really have to go down to the kitchen and light it off the gas hob?

      2. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

        Re: Pathetic

        @Magnus_Pym

        "You see this ad carries a serious message, a commercial interest and a comedy element. That part is the comedy element."

        Yeah, I see that. The trouble is they've used a wrong joke - "if you buy this rubber your GF would rather be on the phone to her ma..." Own goal!

        @Khaptain

        "And just what do you think that your girlfriend or wife is actually thinking about whilst you are "nuptualising"...."

        What a woman is really thinking? How would I (or anyone) know??? All I can say - I never saw her calling the in-laws or heard her discussing shopping during the process.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Pathetic

          Never discussed shopping?

          Sad. So sad.

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Pathetic

        > And just what do you think that your girlfriend or wife is actually thinking about whilst you are "nuptualising"....

        Mine doesn't think much, if the snoring is anything to go by. :-(

  10. Tom 7

    Its nice to see things have moved on down there

    since oz foreplay used to be 'brace yourself Sheila!".

  11. Chris Miller

    Who would want to ask for a 'Small'?

    I assume that (to borrow a joke from Larry Niven) the sizes are: Large; Extra Large; Gigantic; and OMG I can't believe it!

    1. Khaptain Silver badge

      Re: Who would want to ask for a 'Small'?

      Aren't condoms sold in relation to the countries statistics.

      ie : An Asian "Large" condom would be the equivalant of a very small Scottish condom. ( We wear Kilts for a reason, lol)

      1. Rampant Spaniel

        Re: Who would want to ask for a 'Small'?

        True, there was an article by the BBC on their news site about that. Every so often a group of individuals would deliberately read it to get it on the most read section on the front page. They most have orchestrated quite a campaign as it 'popped up' quite often.

        There is some modest variation between some ethnicities and therefore to a slightly lesser degree by location (due to increased mobility) . The actual amount isn't that much. I would also question the sample size as to eliminate all the possible variables you would have to do a lot of measuring !

        1. Khaptain Silver badge

          Re: Who would want to ask for a 'Small'?

          Stats to be found here

          My sporrans made from beaver, it keeps it nice and dry..... Just don't ask what kind of beaver.....

          1. Anonymous Custard
            Joke

            Re: Who would want to ask for a 'Small'?

            Or more likely "Large", "Extra large", "Horse" and "Liar"...?

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: Who would want to ask for a 'Small'?

              ...or "Regular", "Insecure", "Overcompensating", and "Liar"

            2. Fatman
              Joke

              Re: Who would want to ask for a 'Small'?

              Or more likely "Large", "Extra large", "Horse" and goddammed "Liar"...?

              FTFY!!!!

          2. Allan George Dyer

            Re: Who would want to ask for a 'Small'?

            But beavers should be moist, if you're doing it right.

      2. Allan George Dyer

        Re: Who would want to ask for a 'Small'?

        Ah, I see the problem - a condom is not for keeping your sporron dry.

      3. Chris 15

        Re: Who would want to ask for a 'Small'?

        Meh, you're not supposed to wear them on your head

        D'ya ken?

      4. Captain DaFt

        Re: Who would want to ask for a 'Small'?

        "( We wear Kilts for a reason, lol)"

        Lad, I don't know where you've been, but I see you won First prize!

        "The Scotsman" http://www.allerdice.net/scotsman-song.htm

      5. sam bo

        Re: Who would want to ask for a 'Small'?

        "We wear Kilts for a reason, lol)"

        That is not a kilt - it's a mini-skirt ;-)

      6. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Who would want to ask for a 'Small'?

        "We wear Kilts for a reason"

        So you have always got the excuse "It's not usually like that, it's just cold out"?

    2. Wyrdness

      Re: Who would want to ask for a 'Small'?

      On holiday in the channel islands one year, girlfriend and I realised that we hadn't packed any condoms. So we went into Boots to buy some. There was a cute girl, possibly late teens/early 20's, behind the counter. I looked at the large selection of condoms on display and exclaimed, "Damn, they haven't got any in extra small!". It made her laugh.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Who would want to ask for a 'Small'?

        LOL!

        I did have a thought, apparently according to an a science paper sperms don't like voltages.

        Seems that a small ring shaped device using a weak electric currentmight be a very, *very* effective way to neutralise them on the fly, and also prevent some STDs.

        More research needed!

    3. Havin_it
      Coat

      Re: Who would want to ask for a 'Small'?

      Or indeed, per Robin Williams in Good Morning Vietnam: "Large, Medium and Caucasian".

  12. This post has been deleted by its author

    1. Kevin Johnston

      Re: If you want condoms that fit you...

      It is a matter of great pride that when my wife was working as a sexual health nurse she managed to get me a mouse mat from Pasanta (?) which had pictures of their condom range with sizes.....went down a storm at work but I had to take it back home or else risk getting it knicked

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: If you want condoms that fit you...

        Mice use condoms?

      2. sam bo

        Re: If you want condoms that fit you...

        How the hell did they fit the pictures on a mouse mat ? Not to scale obviously.

  13. Khaptain Silver badge

    Penis Head

    Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a mans’ penis is larger than the shaft.

    The study took two years and cost over $1.2 million.

    The study concluded that the reason the head of a man’s penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with more pleasure during sex.

    After the results were published, France decided to conduct their own study on the same subject.

    They were convinced that the results of the British study was incorrect.

    After three years of research at a cost of in excess of $2 million, the French researchers concluded that the head of a man’s penis is larger than the shaft to provide the woman with more pleasure during sex.

    When the results of the French study were released, Australia decided to conduct their own study.

    The Aussies didnt really trust British or French studies.

    So, after nearly three hours of intensive research and a cost of right around $75.00 ( 3 cases of beer), the Aussie study was complete.

    They concluded that the reason the head on a man’s penis is larger than the shaft is to prevent your hand from flying off and hitting you in the forehead

    [Joke hopelessly ripped from here]

    1. Rampant Spaniel

      Re: Penis Head

      Excellent joke!

      So do femidoms come in different sizes? From prom night to Wayne's granny hooker?

    2. Old Handle

      Re: Penis Head

      Ironically, that still isn't as embarrassing as an explanation I've heard suggested seriously.

      1. sam bo

        Re: Penis Head

        "Ironically, that still isn't as embarrassing as an explanation I've heard suggested seriously."

        Well , don't just leave us here in suspense - what is it ?

    3. Crazy Operations Guy

      Re: Penis Head

      I don't remember which scientific journal it was, but there was a study done about that where they found the shape of the penis is meant to pump sexual rivals' semen from the vagina. It was also conjectured that men get tired after sex in order to prevent pumping out one's own semen.

      1. Martin Budden Silver badge

        Re: Penis Head

        eww

      2. Allan George Dyer

        Re: Penis Head

        That would be Gordon Gallup's paper in Evolutionary Psychology

        http://www.epjournal.net/wp-content/uploads/ep021223.pdf

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Penis Head

        I don't remember which scientific journal it was, but there was a study done about that where they found the shape of the penis is meant to pump sexual rivals' semen from the vagina.

        I seem to recall on a nature program (probably one of the David Attenborough ones) a sequence about a type of fox mating with the comment that during the mating the male foxe's penis expanded to a size that prevented it from disengaging from the female for several minutes with the explanation that this was an evolutionary feature to ensure to prevent any other male from being able to mate with the same female during that time to so that the first male fox's sperm was more likely to inseminate the female.

  14. Blofeld's Cat
    Flame

    Bleaugh...

    Sir,

    I must object to the idea, expressed in your article, that anyone would wish to "... make buying condoms like buying a pair of shoes ...".

    The memsahib already has countless pairs of shoes lying unused in her wardrobe waiting for a "suitable occasion", and I can only assume she would apply the same logic to the condoms.

    I remain Sir,

    Colonel Buckfast-Guzzler (retired)

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    What is this TV they are writing about?

    Is this the boxes with no keyboards showing boring YouTube content?

  16. Amorous Cowherder
    Facepalm

    Can we just grow up now?

    I'll never understand this sort of thing from these moral minority types. Perhaps if we were a little more open and sensible about sex, instead of the "giggling behind the bike sheds" innuendo, then maybe we wouldn't have huge rates of teenage pregnancy and STDs. Teach kids it's bloody good fun, this is how it works, get informed and stay safe. Instead we have to have this sort thing, where condoms have be sniggered at like it's something naughty and slightly dirty, adverts have to be viral 'cos we can't have that sort of thing on TV that granny might be watching.

    People have sex, deal with it! Old people, young people, disabled people, black, white, asian, hispanic, Jewish, Catholic, wearing, leather, plastic, silk, satin, men and women doing something enjoyable involving the less hygenic areas of the human body! Rejoice and enjoy, there moral minority stop acting like it's only people behaving like rutting animals that have sex.

  17. Colin Bain

    Best lines

    I think the finest feature is the Pharmacist who has the best lines. Such a positive role model. The rest of the ad is just proof the world has gone to........(yup, I'm a Pharmacist and an old one too!)

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