back to article Apple's Steve Jobs was a SEX-crazed World War II fighter pilot, says ex

Steve Jobs was a sex-mad bully who believed he was a World War II fighter pilot in a previous life, an ex-girlfriend has claimed. Chrisann Brennan met the soon-to-be Apple co-founder in 1972 and went out with him for five years. She had a ringside seat at the very beginning of Apple's ascent to global domination – and a …

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  1. rcorrect

    You can buy Brennan's book!

    To read more about Steve's sweaty sex life, you can buy Brennan's book

    Oh Chrisann Brennan... actually never mind. Steve Jobs had a lot of money but even so he tried to reject his own daughter, so to hell with flaming her for writing the book. If she can profit from it then by all means. The real victim here is Lisa, having to know that her own father tried to reject her.

    1. James O'Shea

      Re: You can buy Brennan's book!

      but at least she had a computer named for her. Even if said computer _did_ later have a sex change.

    2. Cliff

      Re: You can buy Brennan's book!

      I won't buy it because I don't care about details and the précis suggests it's going to just make me find a man whose persons I didn't like even more of an arsehole. But she should absolutely go for this, make a few quid - I don't get the feeling he'd have felt squeamish about screwing her over woz-style were the boot on the other foot.

      1. Shagbag

        Kiss and tell tramp

        He's not around to defend himself against her allegations, the cheap tart.

        1. ItsNotMe

          Re: Kiss and tell tramp

          Wow! A news flash. Steve Jobs was a megalomaniac scumbag. WHAT a surprise.

          I think a LOT of people already knew this.

          1. Intractable Potsherd

            Re: Kiss and tell tramp @ ItsNotMe

            "I think a LOT of people already knew this."

            We also "knew" about being spied on by our own security forces - it is nice to have confirmation, though.

        2. Stevie

          He's not around to defend himself against her allegations,

          Excellent! That spells "sequel". "What Steve Jobs Did To Me After *That*"

          Bring on the X-rated sleaze. Like everyone else I like nothing better than to be appalled and shocked by tawdry revelations of the famous and energetic while hotly denying that to be the case.

  2. corestore

    If I wanted to read tittle-tattle like this...

    … I would subscribe to the National Enquirer.

    Really, Reg? Really?

    I didn't expect you to stoop to this.

    And no I'm not a Job fanboy.

    1. Stevie

      Re: If I wanted to read tittle-tattle like this...

      But...sleaze *with* an IT angle. The very definition of Register Fodder.

  3. Arthur 1

    Uncontrollable Urge to Pull Steering Wheel Up

    "Think Different" indeed

    1. MrDamage Silver badge
      Trollface

      Re: Uncontrollable Urge to Pull Steering Wheel Up

      You're driving it wrong.

    2. Charles Manning

      Explains something

      Jobs refused to have a number plate on his car.

      Perhaps he would have gone with squadron markings down the side.

      1. John Smith 19 Gold badge
        Happy

        Re: Explains something

        "Perhaps he would have gone with squadron markings down the side."

        Along with some peel off stickers for "road kill," "Cyclists," "Pedestrians" etc.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Explains something re: Jonh Smith 19

          I had a tree sticker on my old Ford LTD, along with 2 dogs, 1 deer, 8 birds, 1 toyota pickup and a building.

    3. DropBear
      Trollface

      Re: Uncontrollable Urge to Pull Steering Wheel Up

      Pulling the steering wheel comes from having your expensive sportscar accelerate like a jet, Steve, not from having lived previous lives - you're not that special. Mr. Newton and his laws can tell you all about it as I'm sure you already know, having had your company produce a PDA named after him...

    4. Intractable Potsherd

      Re: Uncontrollable Urge to Pull Steering Wheel Up

      So why didn't he put money into making a flying car!!!

  4. Big-nosed Pengie

    Saint Steve will smite her!

  5. Gray Ham Bronze badge
    Joke

    A sex-crazed World War II fighter pilot ..

    ... isn't that a tautology?

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Past lives

    Isn't it amazing how 99% of people who claim to remember their past lives lived an exciting life, like a fighter pilot, or princess. Nobody seems to remember a past life as a stableboy or scullery maid.

    Or, one of the most likely outcomes if they lived in the past, as someone who died of a childhood disease.

    1. Raumkraut

      Re: Past lives

      Clearly, if you don't remember a past life, it just means it wasn't very memorable.

      If you previously spent hundreds of hours in the air, shooting down the Hun for King and country; don't you think that those events might be *sightly* more memorable than shovelling shit in a stable 364 days a year?

      1. rcorrect

        Re: Past lives

        don't you think that those events might be *sightly* more memorable than shovelling shit in a stable 364 days a year?

        Oh, I am unsure about that. The things I don't enjoy, especially over long periods of time, tend to be very memorable. At least for me anyways. Let me list off a few jobs, customers, co-workers, managers, girlfriends (I wish) and other things I didn't like. If I had to shovel shit for a living with no days off, oh yeah, you just best just avoid pissing me off or getting in my way.

      2. Alan Brown Silver badge

        Re: Past lives

        Who says that hw wasn't a member of the hun who got shot down in that past life?

        1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

          Re: Past lives

          "Who says that hw wasn't a member of the hun who got shot down in that past life?"

          Considering the average, young, age of WWII fighter pilots and the date of Jobbies birth, that reincarnated pilot had to have died relatively young. A fair number of them are still around and relatively healthy today.

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        @Raumkraut

        You may not remember a particular few minutes shoveling shit the way you might remember a particular few minutes in a hairy dogfight, but you damn sure will remember shoveling shit in general if it is all you did for 12 hours a day of few decades' long miserable existence.

        If nothing else the smell of fresh manure should lead to immediate recall of such a past life.

      4. Tacitus

        Re: Past lives

        Not really...as a pilot you were unlikely to be able to remember 365 days!

      5. croc

        Re: Past lives

        Wot...????? You got a day OFF????? Who'd you have to ....

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Past lives

      Well, to be honest, I have the same blessing or curse, however, I seem to remember horror.

      I was once driving in the Netherlands and saw Muiderpoort on a sign post, I was instantly sweating in the car, getting emotional and could not understand why ... I had never heard of that train station before ... it is only later, much later that I learned what had happened there.

      Now, how do you explain that ? I can't. I do not usually get all that excited by places or train stations ... ;-)

      1. Bumpy Cat

        Re: Past lives

        Muiderpoort?

        So what did happen there? Google doesn't seem to have anything interesting to say about Muiderpoort.

        1. JBardey

          Re: Past lives

          Persecution of Jews

          During the Second World War the station functioned as a boarding place for Jews from the collection Dutch Theatre at Westerbork were deported. A plaque on the Oosterspoorplein reminds.

          http://translate.google.com/translate?sl=auto&tl=en&js=n&prev=_t&hl=en&ie=UTF-8&u=http%3A%2F%2Fnl.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FMuiderpoort_%2528Amsterdam%2529&act=url

        2. Richard 120

          Re: Muiderpoort

          It took longer than the usual google, but I think the OP about Muiderpoort is probably referring to this -

          http://www.historyplace.com/worldwar2/holocaust/h-dutch.htm

          Of course I think past lives are all total garbage and are filed in my brain alongside religion, voodoo, snake oil, tarot, ghosts and honest politicians.

        3. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Past lives @Bumpy Cat

          >Google doesn't seem to have anything interesting to say about Muiderpoort.

          I think you can safely extrapolate that to include the whole of Holland.

      2. ravenviz Silver badge

        Re: Past lives

        Do you also get not excited about other places where profound events have occurred?

      3. tentimes

        Re: Past lives

        "How do you explain that?"

        What? That you can't spell? That you hate train stations?

      4. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        @Anon - Muiderpoort

        Surely it is possible you had heard the name in the past and didn't recall when. Even if not there are certainly more logical explanations than you recalling it from a past life.

      5. Indolent Wretch

        Re: Past lives

        gas

    3. Getriebe

      Re: Past lives

      Or not appeared in a D H Lawrence novel.

  7. jake Silver badge

    Odd.

    I knew Steve personally, starting in the spring of 1975 (homebrew computer club). He was a neighbor of mine for almost 20 years, in the Johnson Park neighborhood of Palo Alto. I actually liked the guy, despite never using any of his hardware (except a couple NeXT boxen).

    Yes, he was an asshole, yes his personal grooming could have used some help in the early years, and yes his personal reality distortion field was massive (still is, apparently!).

    But sex-mad? Absolutely not ... he was tech-mad. I never even saw him look at porn. To him, making the hardware work for TheGreatUnwashed[tm] was what was hot & heavy.

    Fighter-pilot reincarnation? That's Larry Ellison, not Steve.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Odd.

      Why would you need porn if you have lots of sex. Speaking out of experience here. Try it.

      1. Frankee Llonnygog

        Re: Why would you need porn

        It sometimes comes in handy

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Coat

        Re: Odd. re: ac@0715

        Because the S.O. has a job that requires her to leave at 7:05am and be gone all day... That's why.

    2. Tom 11

      Re: Odd.

      Umm, call me old fashioned, but I have never looked at porn is the presence of my neighbours, no matter how many times they've let me borrow a strimmer...

    3. Blitheringeejit
      Trollface

      @Jake

      >>To him, making the hardware work for TheGreatUnwashed[tm] was what was hot & heavy.

      In which case, it's a shame that he insisted his company's products should be so grossly overpriced, thus ensuring that the GreatUnwashed[tm] wouldn't ever get to use them.

      And speaking as one who's been greatly unwashed for many decades, I'm disturbed to find I'm breaching someone's trademark - any clues on who registered that one? Should I be expecting a large boot at my front door any time soon?

      1. Frankee Llonnygog

        Re: any clues on who registered that one

        I'm guessing it was Lemmy

        1. jake Silver badge

          @ Frankee Llonnygog (was: Re: any clues on who registered that one)

          Motörhead ROCKS!

    4. Intractable Potsherd

      Re: Odd. @jake

      Don't take this as a dig - it really isn't - but it is long overdue for you to write your autobiography. Your life sounds like it has been good fun!

      1. jake Silver badge

        @ Intractable Potsherd (was: Re: Odd. @jake)

        Fun? Not always, and I have scars to prove it. But I'm still alive ... and I'm still living life ;-)

        "jake, the first fifty years" (working title) is in progress. I might publish it, but it's mostly a personal memory for my grand-daughter (three years old) and the nieces & nephews. I grew up in a couple of very strange places, in a very strange time. Documenting that is important to me.

        I only wish more of my ancestors had done the same ... I have one Great Grandfather's diary, and his planting records, his son's diary & planting records, and my father's planting records (I'll have his diary when he passes). I cherish them. Needless to say, I'm continuing the tradition.

        Remember the past, or be doomed to repeat it.

    5. Stevie

      Re: Fighter-pilot reincarnation? That's Larry Ellison, not Steve

      [Voice Mode= Clouseau] Are you saying...that Steve Jobs was Larry Ellison reincarnated?

      1. jake Silver badge

        @Stevie (was:Re: Fighter-pilot reincarnation? That's Larry Ellison, not Steve)

        No Stevie. I'm saying that Steve never bought a MiG. Larry did.

    6. codeusirae
      WTF?

      Re: I knew Steve personally ..

      I'm quite frankly amazed, you do seem to have lead a very eventfull life. Tell me did these episodes occur in your present life or a previous incarnation?

      01. A qualified pilot who received his ticket from Sutton Bank in the early 1970s, and a member of The Yorkshire Gliding Club.

      02. A Teaching Assistant for the Google founders.

      03. Attended Stanford University.

      04. Converted NCP ARPANet to TCP/IP.

      05. Employee at DEC in Ken Olsens time.

      06. Had gear on top of and in the basement of both WTC towers.

      07. Helped with the search and rescue effort at WTC by providing trained dogs.

      08. Linux kernel contributor for about 21 years.

      09. Maintains multiple servers in Palo Alto, New York, at Sun, Palo Alto, Edinburgh, Auckland, Duluth and Nyack.

      10. Member of various panels of industry professionals associated with MS prior to 2000.

      11. Personal Associate with Steve Jobs.

      12. Possesses several degrees including an MBA

      13. Rebuilt the WRTC infrastructure in the aftermath of the disaster.

      14. Steve Jobs carved his name into Jakes picnic table.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: I knew Steve personally ..

        It's Jake. He's 32 and lives in his mum's basement. In Stoke on Trent.

        His actual biography would make very boring reading. In Walter Mitty land however...

        1. jake Silver badge

          @AC21:03 (was: Re: I knew Steve personally ..)

          Actually, I'm in my mid-fifties and live in Sonoma, CA.

          HTH, HAND.

          1. Lord Elpuss Silver badge
            Joke

            @Jake re @AC21:03 (was: Re: I knew Steve personally ..)

            "Actually, I'm in my mid-fifties and live in Sonoma, CA."

            See also: The IT Crowd S03E03

      2. jake Silver badge

        This life, codeusirae (was: Re: I knew Steve personally ..)

        So sorry that you find dredging up my old ElReg posts more important than getting on with your own life. But whatever. Nowt daft as folks.

        1. codeusirae

          Re: This life, codeusirae (was: I knew Steve personally ..)

          No bother at all, took me four minutes while I was watching "Breaking Bad" ..

    7. ItsNotMe

      Re: Odd.

      Ahhh...@jake..."But sex-mad? Absolutely not..."

      And you have personal knowledge of Steve's sexual exploits how?

      You claim "I knew Steve personally..." So just how personally DID you know him? Hmmm?

    8. Daniel B.
      Happy

      Re: Odd.

      But sex-mad? Absolutely not ... he was tech-mad. I never even saw him look at porn.

      Watching porn is usually done when you have a lack of sex, or at least that was the case in college. Those who aren't watching porn aren't uninterested in sex, they're porking daily! Thus Steve's behavior would match someone having lots of rumpy pumpy...

      1. jake Silver badge

        @Daniel B. (was: Re: Odd.)

        Trust me, porn was online, even in the early days. Most early networking folks were more interested in transporting porn than source code. Steve, on the other hand, was more interested in actually getting it all to work. That was wghat was driving him. And he, like myself, required only 4 hours of sleep per day. If he was interested in porn, I would have known about it.

        To the crass idiots above: No, I did not have a homosexual relationship with Steve.

  8. Wang N Staines

    Always thought that Jobs batted for the other side.

    1. Frankee Llonnygog

      "Always thought that Jobs batted for the other side"

      San Jose Giants?

    2. amanfromearth

      He did

      If you are a MS type of guy.

      1. FrankAlphaXII

        Re: He did

        The other side would be a Linux user. OS X, the BSDs and commercial UNIX are like the sexual orientations where it takes 5 words to describe it. Nothing wrong with them of course, but its not exactly mainstream.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Flawed math of past life

    It's so simple to frustrate believers in those things... See, today the number of people alive is bigger than the number of people dead since the beginning of history. Hence, unless you shared a previous life with someone, it is not possible that you and everyone else lived a previous life. World war pilot or not.

    Of course, scientific thinking is out of the question with these believers, they most common answer is that in their previous life they were not persons but another kind of living thing... here we go, former caterpillars!!

    1. Charles Manning

      The other flaw...

      Every second woman was either Cleopatra or one of her hand maidens.

      "See, today the number of people alive is bigger than the number of people dead since the beginning of history". Sorry, but that is just a bollocks factoid that seems to have emerged in the 1970s or so. It might work if you start the human clock at 6000BC, but using any credible numbers (~150-200k years), would suggest that there have been at least 50bn humans.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: The other flaw...

        "It might work if you start the human clock at 6000BC"

        That's why it says "since the beginning of history", you see

      2. Harvey Trowell

        Re: The other flaw...

        Given the (weasel?) wording of that quote, i.e. it uses the word history as opposed to "time" or "humanity", the level of bollocks therein would depend entirely on how you define history, as opposed to prehistory, which is usually defined as the time before written records existed, and since 3000 BC is apparently a decent estimate for the latter, and as you observe, using that sort of date as a starting point could yield a scenario in which the annoying factoid holds, one can only conclude the underlying purpose is to remind us to maintain a healthy level of respect for those 70s weasels which, interestingly, they don't have in Australia you know, it's all possums and wombats down there, the poor bastards, how they swerve unappealing obligations is anyone's guess, perhaps they duck-billed platypus out of them? But I digress.

      3. t.est

        Re: The other flaw...

        "Sorry, but that is just a bollocks factoid that seems to have emerged in the 1970s or so. It might work if you start the human clock at 6000BC, but using any credible numbers (~150-200k years), would suggest that there have been at least 50bn humans."

        Nope, try to calculate it, there is more alive today than dead. I have calculated it. Infact 6000BC is too much if you do the calculations.

        If we aren't more alive today than all of us that dead, you run into a problem. We would then be an extinct species. As you know, we all have a limited numbers of years to live, even more so we have a limited number of years where we are fertile.

        Considering this, it is a fairly simple calculation.

        I just proposed a calculation to be made, that one easily shows that you have a problem with 150-200k years as a "credible" number.

        1. PsychicMonkey
          FAIL

          Re: The other flaw...

          Sorry, I must be thick. How do you calculate that? What assumptions do you make?

          "so we have a limited number of years where we are fertile." that one is wrong for a start. Women have a finite limit of fertile years but men can keep going a lot longer.

          There are around 7 billion people on the planet at the moment, you are really saying that you don't think there have been over that number in the past?

          As they used to say in maths class, you really need to show your working out.

          1. John H Woods Silver badge

            Re: The other flaw...

            It's not you that's thick, Psychic Monkey. A reasonable estimate is that 100 gigahumans have lived on the earth since we evolved, and that 7 gigahumans (the current population, approx) had lived on the earth by perhaps 8,000 BCE, certainly by 1 CE.

        2. Lars Silver badge
          Coat

          Re: The other flaw...

          Perhaps souls fuck too disturbing the mathematics. Are we moving too close to IT now.

        3. Jeff Green

          Re: The other flaw...

          In round terms ...

          In the year 2011 there were 7,000 million of us, the birth rate was around 25 per thousand in 1995 there were around 5,750 million of us, the birth rate was around 30, and between those dates over 1,000 million people had died. Next date I have is 1950, 3,400 million 5 billion deaths in the 45 years you can keep going with these figures, do a little bit of adding up and come to the conclusion that somewhere between 5 and 8% of all the people who have lived since the first approximations to history (say around 6000 BC?) are alive now.

      4. Frankee Llonnygog

        Re: The other flaw...

        Not to mention that Cleopatra had a lot of hands

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Flawed math of past life

      If many people today are on their first life then your logic is incorrect.

      From what I've read the Life Essence, or Divine Sparks, arrives in swarms through the ages.

      One thing is true for sure, we will all find out eventually.

      1. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge

        Re: Flawed math of past life

        One thing is true for sure, we will all find out eventually.

        I won't. I'll be dead.

      2. Lars Silver badge
        Happy

        Re: Flawed math of past life

        "One thing is true for sure, we will all find out eventually." Indeed, are you sure, I am not and I don't give a shit.

    3. t.est

      Re: Flawed math of past life

      You are pointing out an interesting fact here.

      "See, today the number of people alive is bigger than the number of people dead since the beginning of history. Hence, unless you shared a previous life with someone, it is not possible that you and everyone else lived a previous life. World war pilot or not."

      A bit off-topic but related to your comment:

      Everyone that believe in the evolution theory, and that the modern man is about 10 000 years old, from evolutionary standpoint.

      Fire up excel or whatever app you want that can calculate. Calculate the population explosion backwards. Then ask yourselves how many million years is it possible for us to have evolved.

      You have to considers global fatal natural disasters, still considering these the calculations points into a problem with each individual's maximum age and the population explosion.

      Well I'll let you ponder over the rest and make your own conclusions, but it's a very interesting experiment to dwell upon.

    4. Lazza

      Re: Flawed math of past life

      "See, today the number of people alive is bigger than the number of people dead since the beginning of history." No, this is a fallacy.

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Bull

    If he believed he was a former fighter pilot, and wanted to pull "up" on the wheel (rarely do fighter planes have wheels, except P-38 Lightning AFAIK), then I find it curious that he never bought a fighter plane despite having enough money to amass an unrivaled collection.

    Most posers are smart enough to avoid proving to the world their inadequacies.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Bull

      Not that I believe a word of it, but it might hypothetically go like this:

      Maybe he wasn't a very long lived or successful fighter pilot. He'd only just got the wheels of his Brewster Buffalo off the ground before being shot down and then incinerated in the crash. That might lead to all that "remembering taking off", and wheels in the wrong places, but also to no desire at all to fly period fighter planes. :-)

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Pint

        Re: Bull

        Or maybe he knew the guy that bought a P-61, took it for a ride and then proceeded to do 3/4 of a loop.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I was Steve Jobs in a former life

    and I refute these allegations completely

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
      Happy

      Re: I was Steve Jobs in a former life

      But I was anonymous coward in another life, and so I refute your refutation...

      1. Joe Harrison

        Re: I was Steve Jobs in a former life

        You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

        Refute means to disprove so what about "reject" instead?

  12. Buster

    Of course to be a modern cultural hero in a complete sense one not only needs to be hailed a brilliant (which takes the stink off being fabulously well to do) but one has to be troubled or have a dark side and been through the fall/redemption cycle at least once. One does not have to worry too much about arranging such things for oneself it is a service the media are happy to provide.

    1. John Smith 19 Gold badge
      Unhappy

      "not only needs to be hailed a brilliant (which takes the stink off being fabulously well to do) but one has to be troubled or have a dark side and been through the fall/redemption cycle at least once."

      True.

      What redemption are you referring to?

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "his premature death in 2011"

    Yeah, I'm sure we'd all have appreciated if he'd matured before he died.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    smutty

    A 'kiss and tell' all dressed up as literature. And where the 'accused' can not answer back. I bet she would not have published while Jobs was alive.

    1. Anonymous Blowhard

      Re: smutty

      " I bet she would not have published while Jobs was alive."

      Maybe he can set his lawyers on her when he reincarnates?

  15. M7S

    Those WW2 fighter pilots saved us from a life of tyranny and enforced conformity.

    In this case, if it is true, I'm going to need a new irony meter.

    Still, it makes you wonder what he'll come back as this time and how (if you're into reincarnation with Karma) this might differ slightly from what he expected.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Those WW2 fighter pilots saved us from a life of tyranny and enforced conformity.

      > In this case, if it is true, I'm going to need a new irony meter.

      Depends which side he was flying for...

  16. scrubber
    WTF?

    "his premature death"

    What does that even mean?

    1. Lars Silver badge
      Pint

      Re: "his premature death"

      I was wondering about that too, and mature death does not help either, in fact it makes it even harder. However, If I am killed by a cow falling from the sky I would accept it as premature death. So there you have it. But with Jobs I believe "premature" refers to the fact that he did not listen to his doctors and tried to hell him self, and failed, and when he got it, it was too late. Even if Jobs is not a guy I would have wanted to be ship wrecked with, on some lonely island, he did some very superb work.

  17. John Smith 19 Gold badge
    Unhappy

    So who *is* the reincarnation of Steve Jobs?

    Look for

    Bit of a s**t

    Bit of a s**t with women.

    Lots of money.

    Huge sense of self worth.

    I don't know. In a world full of ar**holes it's going to be tough to find one that really stands out.

  18. Fink-Nottle

    How to be Topp at Apple

    Every boy kno how to run around the school quad with arms extended, shouting Take that, Jerry ... ack, ack, ack, ack. However, as the noble boy grow into manhood (hem, hem) he should learn to control this urge. Otherwise a gurl may sell her story to the taploids and sa soppy stuff like - Nigel was a wwii pilot in a past life. Chizz.

  19. This post has been deleted by its author

  20. hi_robb

    Now

    If Steve was around, he'd spit fire...

    /Calls taxi.

  21. Amiga

    If you asked my first girlfriend what I was like

    She'd also tell you I was an arse.

    Mainly because I was.

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    ...until his premature death in 2011

    Isn't death always premature? In the mind of the victim at least.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: ...until his premature death in 2011

      No.

  23. Ted Treen
    Angel

    My wife...

    ...has told me I might have been a WWII fighter pilot in a previous life.

    To which I replied "As I started this life in Jan 1950, I can't have been a very good one..."

    1. Cardinal

      Re: My wife...

      As far as previous lives are concerned, I rather lean towards an 'Odo' type solution as per the Shape-shifter security boss in 'Deep Space 9'. You just meld back into the life force reservoir in the end till 'something' draws a ladleful out for the next new one.

      Not sure if that would be a new person, eagle, dung beetle or whatever, but hey, we're ALL related DNA-wise anyway aren't we?

      As far as the great man's girlfriend is concerned, well it took some hard work to write it I'm sure.

      Yep, she must really have got on to the Jobs.

  24. Mr. Peterson

    pregnancy entrapment?

    does not compute

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Steve Jobs - Dead, dead, dead.

    Reading that article it occured to me to find out what Jobs was listening to.

    http://www.deathandtaxesmag.com/27063/steve-jobs-10-favorite-records-and-what-they-say-about-him/

    I'm currently downloading two of those albums just now - nice one, quite agree with much of the mans music.

    P.

    1. Intractable Potsherd

      Re: Steve Jobs - Dead, dead, dead.

      Bloody hell - and I thought my taste in music is bad! That is a really cheesy list ...

  26. Stevie

    Bah!

    Typical shoddy reporting by the Register, to follow a story this, this, this degrading and tawdry without one single excerpt of the text.

    A real newspaper would have acquired the serialization rights like wot the Sunday Mirror did with The Human Zoo. Hmmm, the pictures from that one still bring a smile to my face when I recollect them. That is proper journalism.

    This monumental oversight constitutes a lost opportunity to make the Register the most read IT Newspaper in the world only outclassed by the lost opportunity to turn a bit more to the left at about 11:30 pm on April 14th, 1912. No wonder no-one takes this e-rag seriously.

    Harrumph, sirs and madams, Harrumph!

  27. johnny mads

    Steve Jobs was born in 1955 - WWII ended in 1945 - this account is obviously a complete fabrication. Do not take anything from this journalist (I hate using that term for worthless writers) as truth. To make a completely invalid statement without checking the simplest facts (such as a birth date) is preposterous. Be wary of these new writers, they write for attention, not for validity. It's a sad state of affairs for the fourth estate.

    1. Stevie

      Bah!

      Eh?

    2. Dave K
      Facepalm

      Dear oh dear!

      I'm trying to decide if you just read the headline and not the article, or if you don't understand the basic concept that re-incarnation requires the first life to have ended before the second one begins.

      Never mind, I don't care. I'm too busy chuckling!

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