IBM hopes to patent 'dealing with chaos'

Infinite Loop Problem

Steps 808, 810 & 812 would bugger most governments then.

Paris because she must have a job at IBM's patent department.

IBM patents

....the patent!!! Hell they no longer seem interested in building new kit or actually intventing something....I can see the future headline now

"IBM in bitter takeover bid with the US Govt over patents."

>/ thinks I will patent a way of patenting useless/obvious patents. then i can take IBM for all its got.

and Paris cause patents are hot...

Odd

So from that flowchart, it seems the correct response to a crisis is to manage your resources. Oh, and keep checking they're still there (presumably in case the crisis has become fatal). But don't actually *do* anything with those resources.

Neat.

(Also, is it just me, or are "Yes" and "No" the wrong way around on that diagram? "Do I have resources? No. Then optimize them! Wait - optimize what now?")

09/11, 07/07 or 01/04 ?

Somebody please tell me this is a belated April Fool ...

I think...

I think I may patent walking down the street, and in the event of tripping, pick myself back up and continue walking. Beware infringers of my mighty patent!

Open Patents

so I wonder if this will make it into IBM's "Open Patents" portfolio thing that they wave around to proclaim their undying love of Open Sauce? I mean, hell, it's not like IBM could have invested billions of R&D dollars in designing something most Emergency Management systems have been doing since the second World War.

Written when they helped Hitler with German census?

This looks like something developed, in oh, say 1933.

I know everyone is dying but I'm typing as fast as I can

This reminds me of horribly complicated decision making computer programs in the 80s where inputting the parameters of the problem required 100 times the manpower of solving it manually. Just thinking about it makes me want to burn a tractor feed printer.

And when a disaster happens

and thousands of people die because non-IBM emergency services who happened to be on the scene could do nothing because any action would be a patent violation, will IBM be sued into bankruptcy for all those deaths?

Seriously, when it gets this ridiculous, the ONLY possible answer in an emergency is open, deliberate DEFIANCE OF THE PATENT LAW. When people's lives are at stake, patent law becomes irrelevant.

Here's hoping for an impact of Apophis in 2036. This civilisation needs exterminating.

Blithe Blighty Boffinry Bunker Busting Bombes .... NeuReal Control ProgramMIng.

FAB, IBM .... InterNetional Rescue to the Rescue?

Patently SuperCritical to the Plan are Expert Resources, which are always available Optimised in XXXXPertEase, and in Chaos Control Systems, a Valuable Asset never considered a Cost 42 Order ........ for XXXXPertEase would consider that an unnecessary and cynical Proxy Control Red Herring and the Very XXXXPloitable Weakness and Inherent Vulnerability in the System for which Expert Resources are Sought to Remedy.

Very Catch 22, but Nothing to Worry about if Fields of Endeavour and Spirits of AIdDVenture are 42BVirtual Reality with Quantum Communications TelePorting IBM into Colossal Realms of Great Games Play for Commend to Control CyberSpace and ITs Currency and Currencies/Shared Information for CyberIntelAIgent Flow.

amfM HyperRadioProActivity however, may have the Prior Networking Art Claim to any Patent Application of such Intellectual Property, although such is the Nature of Future Fitness in XXXXPertEase, it would be Patently Absurd to Argue for the Sake of a Failing Business Model seeking Expert Resources to Counter the Oxymoron, Chaotic Intelligence ...... but it is as well to be aware of the Fact, just to avoid any possible Confusion, and thus is it so Registered here.

Funny enough, they don't police their patents

so FEMA and others can abuse them all they want. i worked in IBM research for years and have lots of patents and don't see IBM enforcing those patents, so i think it unlikely even if granted they're the bag o'rocks to enforce this..

you have to give it to them

This could be a joke ofcourse.

But if it is not a joke then it is quite courageus (I am being polite here). So chaos can be dealt with by approaching by assuming that uncertainty is limited and that the chaos which is 'discovered' can be treated as a closed system?

IF that is a possible and sensible reduction to make it deserves a Nobel prize. However if uncertainty cannot be reduced out of the assessment process then this proposal seems rather... well shall we say 'uninformed'... Personally I would like to see an example of reasoning where multiple levels of uncertainty could be ignored in processes which are supposed to deal with 'real world chaos' and include the issue of working in an open system environment where any judgements would by definition be leading to boundary problems (e.g. what is the relevant system that we set the boundary around as being chaotic?).

Maybe the thoughtprocess was in line with.

1. let us assume that chaotic problems can be defined within certain and correct boundaries.

2. let us assume that chaotic problems do not include uncertainties and that they are not complex.

3. let us assume that people are rational and can set those boundaries without much problems.

4. let us assume that people can actually create a sufficiently detailed understanding of the chaos they experience so they can make a correct desription of how to deal with it..

oh wait ......

Are they serious?

What did they do...look at the Department of Defense's incident response framework and add pretend cash value concepts? If they get a patent out of this that will tell us everything we need to know about IP and the fallacy thereof.

Do what?

Chaos: (derived from the Ancient Greek Χάος, Chaos) typically refers to unpredictability.

Ummm so they can predict the unpredictable now and can patent it... I must have dozed off and missed something here?? LOL

Well ...

"When chaos descends, you tell the system what you need, and the system decides if you can get it."

Beats thinking doesn't it?

Procedure 802 - detect chaotic event

How does the computer know what *IS* a chaotic event ?? Does a traffic jam count ?? A Tunguska-type meteor strike ?? The president gone mad ?? IBM issuing plain English statements ??

I sense an opportunity here...

Picture it now, a supermodel boards the plane on which you've already taken your seat...

The IBM system kicks in and an optimized expert at dealing with the ill-tempered and potentially explosive is dispatched to the scene. The loop at the end is because the supermodel may overwhelm all attempts to calm her and more optimized experts have to be dispatched to the scene.

Paris because you don't have a picture of an exploding supermodel. Perhaps you could replace the flame icon?

Cheers,

Matthew