back to article Fan whips out own pair of iPhone 32Cs, 'unlocks' mobe using breasticle

A pair of fanbois in China have exposed their chests to the world in a bid to prove the iPhone 5S fingerprint scanner can be tricked into accepting nipples. The internet has been ablaze with rumours that toes, penises, noses and even the paws of a pet cat can be used to trick the iPhone 5S fingerprint detector. However, …

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  1. Khaptain Silver badge
    Trollface

    *holes

    I wonder if they have tried using their arseholes yet, it would appear that there enough of them around.

    1. JDX Gold badge

      Re: *holes

      If you can talk out of yours, they can probably use theirs as fingers.

      1. Khaptain Silver badge

        Re: *holes

        Let me guess , JDX just bought an iPhone 5S and was currently considering alternative security measures but now the plot has failed. .... The secret is out

        1. JDX Gold badge

          Re: *holes

          Diddums, so it's OK for you to call people names but not for people to call you on being an obnoxious jerk?

          PS: I've never owned an iPhone.

          1. Stevie

            Re: *holes

            Then why not let them take offense on their own behalf instead of stepping up to the plate?

            And for Azathoth's sake turn your joke detector on.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: *holes

      Your getting confused with glasholes

    3. Evil Auditor Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: *holes

      Khaptain, that reminds me of something.

      "Mum, can someone get pregnant from anal sex?" - "Of course, where else would all the arseholes come from?"

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: *holes

      So the mugger will not only cut my fingers of, he will take my nipples as well?

      Time to sit on my phone, let him have a go at that!

    5. Captain DaFt

      Re: *holes

      "I wonder if they have tried using their arseholes yet"

      Well, I have heard that it will work if you use your elbow, and everybody knows at least one 'winner' that can't tell their elbow from their... :)

    6. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: *holes

      :-) well it offers an alternative excuse to *slipping* in the shower while using the phone...

  2. ukgnome

    It seems that you can buy an iPhone, but you can't buy classy.

  3. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge

    toes, penises, noses and even the paws

    Not lips? I can't believe that fanbois (and fangurlz) wouldn't love to be able to kiss their iShiny awake.

    1. Darryl

      Re: toes, penises, noses and even the paws

      Nah, much more arousing to rub it against your 'personal areas'. That's always been the dream anyways, hasn't it?

  4. Cliff

    Waterproofing is pretty cool though

    The fingerprint thing on the iP5s may have been cracked already, and nippleprints is a bit of fun, but the waterproofing powerdown is rather innovative, truth be told.

    1. Andraž 'ruskie' Levstik

      Re: Waterproofing is pretty cool though

      You left out the joke alert icon ;)

      1. Cliff

        Re: Joke alert icon

        I figure the readership here are capable of telling if I'm joking about the nipple scan.

        The waterproofing is still damn cool, though.

        1. andreas koch
          Thumb Up

          @ Cliff - Re: Joke alert icon

          . . . The waterproofing is still damn cool, though.

          Not half as cool as the way of unlocking any iPhone with the thermodescram method: It unlocks not only the fingerprint scanner, but also older iPhones that need a passcode, bypassing the security features by simulating the manufacturing conditions during the final checks.

          It takes quite careful timing not to lock it into factory test mode, though, so you must be quick.

          You put about a pound of sand onto a double sheet of aluminium foil and heat that up in a conventional oven (not a microwave!) to 235°C (450°F, Gas mark 5). You can fold the foil over to keep the sand in better, 15 minutes should do the trick if the oven was preheated.

          When it's ready, prepare a good, watertight (iPhones are, of course, not really waterproof!) plastic bag by putting 4 cups of freshly crushed ice and 1 cup of salt into it and mix that thoroughly.

          Now comes the tricky bit. put the locked iPhone onto a chopping board and then the aluminium foil pack on top of it. Careful, quite warm, use oven gloves. This simulates the soldering bath to the chip and switches off the security features for testing; leave it on there for about 2 minutes. The Apple CPUs expect a factory test now, if the temperature drops slowly. This is where your ice bag comes in. That cools it down before the lock can kick in again. So, aluminium-and-sand bag off, plastic bag on (a few dew drops aren't dangerous), a bit of pressure, and after a minute or so every iPhone lock will be disabled.

          I think I've heard it works on Samsung Galaxys as well.

          1. Stevie

            Re: @ Cliff - Joke alert icon

            Inventive, but not buying this either.

            1. andreas koch
              Happy

              @ Stevie - Re: @ Cliff - Joke alert icon

              Awww, come on. Try it out, what could possibly go wrong? It's not as if you're going to drop it into a bucket of water . . .

    2. James Micallef Silver badge

      Re: Waterproofing is pretty cool though

      What odds that Apple will shortly register a patent on water-detection powerdown?

      1. JDX Gold badge

        Re: Waterproofing is pretty cool though

        I was thinking the same... add a feature that was a joke and get all the media coverage.

      2. Soruk

        Re: Waterproofing is pretty cool though

        4chan would just claim prior art.

    3. This post has been deleted by its author

    4. Stevie

      Re: Waterproofing is pretty cool though

      "the waterproofing powerdown is rather innovative, truth be told"

      Not so. When my now 80+ year old Dad was an apprentice at [large UK electrical research plant] there was a popular and expensive (in them days) practical "joke" in which people were called on their GPO phones and told by a "GPO Representative" that due to an earthing fault they needed to immerse their handsets in a bucket of water.

      I was reminded of this only last week when I got a call from an Indian gentleman identifying himself as "Windows" who told me that every time I signed onto "The Internet" I was "causing viruses".

  5. hammarbtyp

    This takes security to a whole new level

    Coming to a iPhone near you - Scrotum Lock(TM)

    The only security feature guaranteed to ensure that no one will ever want to steal your phone again

    1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
      Paris Hilton

      Re: This takes security to a whole new level

      What about Paris? She'll need a male PA on call 24/365 to be able to unlock and make/take calls on her phone.

    2. MrDamage Silver badge

      Re: This takes security to a whole new level

      Yes please,

      Then I can claim prior art and troll the patent troll.

      http://forums.theregister.co.uk/forum/1/2013/06/10/forgotten_your_password_just_get_gurning_says_google/#c_1854329

  6. Rosie Davies

    Resael Value

    Well that just killed the resale value. There is no chance I would want to buy a phone that someone else has rubbed against $icky_body_part.

    And no Mr InternetWit, yours IS icky and I still have no intention of buying your old phone.

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

    2. Don Jefe
      Happy

      Re: Resael Value

      Are you old enough to remember pay phones? In the days before anyone even thought of carrying antibacterial gel around? Oh god, I hated using pay phones and there was no other option.

      The handicap accessible ones and those made for use while inside a car with the really long cables were the worst. Even a pre-Internet knowledge of Human depravity sent the mind to horrible, horrible places. At least with modern technology you can sterilize a mobile phone. Carrying around a phone booth size UV chamber really wasn't an option.

  7. frank ly

    Nipples are "like snowflakes",

    Beautifully defined when they're cold, but ...... - I've lost my poetic inspiration now....

    1. Frankee Llonnygog

      Re: Nipples are "like snowflakes",

      No good on toast?

      1. Khaptain Silver badge

        Re: Nipples are "like snowflakes",

        .... Difficult to play with for any length of time

    2. Mephistro
      Devil

      Re: Nipples are "like snowflakes",

      "Nipple Salads!!!"

      Krieg

    3. Fink-Nottle
      Unhappy

      Re: Nipples are "like snowflakes",

      ... I get to see 'em once a year, if I'm lucky.

      1. JDX Gold badge

        Re: Nipples are "like snowflakes",

        Fun when you first see them, but boring once you've been staring at them for a week and you need to go outside?

    4. Turtle

      Re: Nipples are "like snowflakes",

      "Nipples are 'like snowflakes'"

      You're doing it wrong.

  8. El_Fev

    Nice click bait...

    I bet if you has of mentioned it was dudes you would not have got half as many views as you have now... tut

  9. TheOtherHobbes

    Looks like

    Casual Friday has gone too far again.

  10. hi_robb

    Personally

    I just love unlocking my new iPhone with my nipple!

    Sorry, just had to get it off my chest.

  11. James Micallef Silver badge

    Credibility?

    " whose credibility is not exactly swelled by the fact he has just 72 followers"

    Since when does manytwitterfollowers == credibility??

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    No surprises here

    Neither the fact that people try things other than fingers, or the fact that these appendages work, surprises me. Some of them would yield better results than others I suspect. The end of one's nose, or nipple is usually quite smooth compared to one's fingertip or toe, and thus would likely produce more false positives.

    Still, the fact one can use their toes might prove, em, handy, should someone find themselves without fingers one day. That said, the phone's usability might stop there … that screen looks a bit fiddly to use with ones toes, let alone how one holds a phone to their ear with their foot.

    That'd take a lifetime of practice I should imagine.

    1. Someone Else Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: No surprises here

      [...] that screen looks a bit fiddly to use with ones toes, let alone how one holds a phone to their ear with their foot.

      "You're holding it wrong."

  13. Jerky Jerk face

    Its a nice idea....

    But i cant risk my nippleprints getting in the hands of the NSA

    My nipples have been party to many many crimes, crimes of passion :D

  14. Alan Esworthy
    Trollface

    lock/unlock?

    As penises and nipples both undergo dimensional and morphological changes when suitably stimulated, this raises the question of whether or not Apple's software can determine the same body part independent of said body part's engorgement or surface moisture level. If not, then choosing the excitement level for unlocking becomes very important for fanboi (and girl) wankers.

  15. Henry Wertz 1 Gold badge

    LOL

    Regarding people dunking their phones under water because of a fake ad claiming software update somehow adds hardware features....

    Some^H^H^H^H Apple fanbois are dumb.

    Here's my favorite quote from the rocketnews24 article:

    "As we know, nipples are like snowflakes in their individuality but is the iPhone good enough to distinguish one teat from the next? Our reporter Hatori GO registered his nipple and then asked a co-worker to try and unlock it.

    After getting released from central booking, he decided to ask a male co-worker to try unlocking the iPhone with his nipple instead. Sure enough, foreign areolas could not bypass the iPhone’s solid security system."

    LOL.

  16. Will Godfrey Silver badge

    Slow news day?

    See ti- thing at the top.

  17. herman3101

    Seems to me that unlocking with your nipple should be adopted as breast practice

  18. Matthew 17

    If you've programmed it to recognise a nipple..

    Then it'll unlock using a nipple.

    To trick it would be to unlock using anyone else's nipple afterwards.

    But the new biometric reader doesn't disable the PIN function, so if you're really worried you can still lock your phone the old way

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