back to article NORKS says USA attack took it offline ... as if anyone could tell

North Korea is warning that the US and its allies “should be held wholly accountable” after claiming that a massive cyber attack has taken the country offline over the past two days, despite virtually no one in the secretive state being allowed on the interwebs. The axis of evil state’s Korean Central News Agency blamed the US …

COMMENTS

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  1. Busby

    I'm guessing this is safer than attacking other countries

    If this is true and considering the source it's a big if then it has to be safer than doing the same to someone else say China.

    The Chinese have an army of cyber warfare agents ready to respond in kind. The North Korean's due to the local limits are unlikely to have a similar set up. I'm sure they have some form of cyber warfare specialists but the numbers must be on the low side compared to just about any other nation on earth.

    Considering most of the country doesn't even have access to electric lights I'm guessing no one noticed anyway.

  2. Esskay
    Facepalm

    Puts the people of North Korea in a difficult position

    On the one hand, this action from the American capitalist pig-dogs should obviously be condemned by all as a violation of their rights, and anyone who doesn't show their support for the glorious leader is an elitist bourgeois imperialist sympathiser -

    But on the other hand, anyone with knowledge of the internet, who claims to have been affected by the outage, or knowledge of what this attack actually signifies would also essentially be an elitist bourgeois imperialist sympathiser.

    Forget starvation, it's dilemmas like these that make life in North Korea so difficult.

  3. mIRCat
    Alert

    The real story.

    Wait, North Korea has a tech blog?

    1. Esskay

      Re: The real story.

      It's not really a blog, its just an old CRT monitor that someone's written on with a whiteboard marker.

  4. Ole Juul

    Intensive virus attacks?

    Intensive and persistent virus attacks are being made every day on internet servers

    This kind of statement makes me wonder what exactly is going on. Of course there are always attempts to compromise servers, surely they didn't just discovered this. Maybe he is referring to the kind of virus attack one gets after visiting free pr0n sites. Which side of the firewall are we talking about here?

  5. tkioz
    Angel

    Dear Leader had to go without his daily porn binge? Oh no the horrors.

    1. Avatar of They
      Happy

      Title

      Would that be American porn?

      Oh the Irony

      1. Esskay

        Re: Title

        Well his old man was supposedly a lover of Hollywood movies, with one of the largest collections in the world.

        Oh the iro-

        oh.

  6. Bob Hoskins
    Facepalm

    Dos?

    Packeting North Korea with a kilostream would take them offline. Maybe dear leader just tripped over the power cable.

    1. GitMeMyShootinIrons
      Joke

      Re: Dos?

      Great Leader "Quick! Reboot the Belkin Router!"

      Lacky "Yes, I shall, Great Leader. If that doesn't work, I shall visit the lapdog bourgeoise capitalist pigdogs."

      Great Leader "Where in the world?"

      Lacky "PC World."

  7. Pascal Monett Silver badge
    Trollface

    "despicable and base acts"

    Dear $deity, I shudder to think of the poor router's ports and how sore they must be.

    Because obviously there was no KY in sight, I'll wager.

  8. The Jase

    Oh NOES!

    What did KimDotCom do?

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Left out?

    I think he just felt left out due to the recent news about USA's shenanigans hacking China, Iran and god knows who else.

    South Korea is best Korea!

  10. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

    I thought North Korea were using Red Star Linux, so should be relatively safe from the internet's usual nasties. On which subject, have they released the source for that, or should we send in Richard Stallman?

    Let's just hope this doesn't give anonymous any ideas, or they might manage to start their first war.

  11. The New Turtle

    Much more likely it's Hollywood going after The Piratebay.

  12. Irongut

    more tech-savvy than his presidential predecessors

    But Kim Jong Ill invented computers and the internet! How could he be more tech savvy than that?

  13. Field Marshal Von Krakenfart
    Trollface

    Hmmmmm...

    Only 1 down vote for each post dissing NK, who'd have thought it, Kim Jong-un reads elReg.

    1. Esskay

      Re: Hmmmmm...

      Maybe this is their crack cyber security team getting revenge...

    2. PhilBuk
      Black Helicopters

      Re: Hmmmmm...

      Two downvotes in some cases. Looks like they just doubled their efforts.

      Phil.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    IT Angle

    Translation: We lost the floppy disk we boot off of.....

    Either that, or the Norks host on AWS!!

    1. Euripides Pants

      Re: Translation: We lost the floppy disk we boot off of.....

      Or they forgot to turn on the 14.4K external modem...

  15. Local G
    Facepalm

    Wait a minute!

    This is really a story about how most of the North Koreans don't have access to the internet PRETENDING to be a story about America, who hates it when enemies hack it, hacks the shit out of its enemies.

    A tasty farrago of 'bait and switch' and 'plausible deniability.' Well done.

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