back to article BRITAIN MUST DECLARE WAR on Cervinaean menace

Brits need to take up arms and shoot* half of Blighty's deer population in a war to save the countryside from destruction. There are more Bambi-like creatures in need of shooting than ever before in the UK, we're told, and their numbers have reached heights not scaled since the last Ice Age. With no natural predators, the deer …

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  1. Norman Hartnell

    Just reintroduce wolves, problem solved.

    1. Miek
      Linux

      Can we have some bears too?

      1. g e

        And can I pop in a vote

        For some Wild Boar, too, please.

        Very tasty.

        Need a <NOM> icon :oD

        1. Dr_N

          Re: And can I pop in a vote

          You really don't want wild boar.

          Massive problem in France at the moment due to armed drunken louts... err I mean "hunters" illegally feeding them.

          Excess deer population in the UK could easily be used for Tesco's burgers etc.

          1. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

            Tesco's burgers!!!

            Mais non!

            Venison steak served with a red wine and blackberry sauce is too good to miss. I cooked that while camping in the New Forest.

            And I got the venison steak from the local butcher, honest!!

          2. Ru

            Re: And can I pop in a vote

            You really don't want wild boar

            Yeah, they're nasty pieces of work. An angry boar can do you a fair bit of damage... deer are generally a little less aggressive.

            1. Rampant Spaniel

              Re: And can I pop in a vote

              Boar are fine, just takes two people and a sharp knife to catch them. You can also use dogs to hunt them even more safely although I know that is unpopular with the Notting Hill crowd. I haven't heard of or seen boars going for people, at least not unless you get near their babies or you corner them.

              1. Stoneshop

                Re: And can I pop in a vote

                You can also use dogs to hunt them even more safely

                Chatting with the police while waiting for a tow truck after a collision with a deer incapacitated our car, they told of one of their dogs that had to be reassembled after a wild boar made clear it didn't like dogs. This was a police dog, though, not a hunting dog, and its behaviour towards boar may not have been as cautious as a suitably-trained hunting dog would.

              2. Anonymous Coward
                Anonymous Coward

                Re: And can I pop in a vote

                Boar are fine, just takes two people and a sharp knife to catch them. You can also use dogs to hunt them even more safely

                Boars would be wild mamals so using dogs to hunt them would be illegal ... might be able to use a couple to "flush out" a boar so you can shoot it.

            2. Charles 9

              Re: And can I pop in a vote

              I believe the boar detractors are referring to the risk of Trichinosis. Wild boar are known for carrying the Trichinella parasites, which are usually passed on by eating raw/undercooked meat. IIRC deer (herbivores) aren't the type to acquire Trichinella while bears and pigs (omnivores) can and do.

          3. Rampant Spaniel

            Re: And can I pop in a vote

            Interesting, we don't have that problem, just too many deer, goats and hogs. There are hunting seasons but they don't apply in all circumstances and if you are decent with a bow you can keep a well stocked freezer.

            I'm pretty sure we cannot sell any of it and all hell would rain on us if we tried so that's probably why we don't have the illegal feeding. That and nature feeds them well enough.

        2. Steve Evans

          @g e - Re: And can I pop in a vote

          Wild boar and venison... Yum yum.

          Dammit, now I'm hungry!

          1. EddieD

            Re: @g e - And can I pop in a vote

            The kids in schools near inverness already have a high venison diet due to culling. My hippy friends will be appalled, but pass me a rifle, I'm peckish

        3. Rampant Spaniel

          Re: And can I pop in a vote

          We have wild boar, goat and deer (axis) aplenty here. I do my very best to control their population! If you folks need any help I would be happy to assist.

          Assuming the science behind the need for a cull is valid and done case by case in each environment, then this seems like a remarkable sensible idea. So sensible in fact that I distrust it on principal!

          I would really love to see some studies done on the quality of the meat, I would put a pint on it being cleaner ('bad' ecoli count etc) than your average supermarket joint, but it would be good to see if that is the case.

        4. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: And can I pop in a vote

          Careful what you wish for.

      2. Crisp

        Re: Can we have some bears too?

        Lions, Tigers and Bears!

        1. Christoph

          Re: Can we have some bears too?

          Oh, my!

          1. MrT

            Re: Oh, my!

            Nice one ;-) As I read that, the voice in my head was George Takei's...

            Wrong kind of bear, though possibly less woodland defecation and loss of limbs than with the four-legged variety.

        2. hplasm
          Happy

          Re: Can we have some bears too?

          o mi?

      3. Euripides Pants

        There has to be a way to manage this by sharks with frikkin laser beams.

    2. Fogcat
      Thumb Up

      Wolves and bears.... would make life more interesting for the ramblers association as well.

      mmmm - thinking of venison steaks and wild boar sausages now...

    3. Graham Dawson Silver badge

      Why? We're an apex predator too, we can take on the role the wolves previously performed.

      1. g e
        Holmes

        Because

        You're not supposed to eat people. Hence my vote for Wild Boar :o)

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Because

          "Hence my vote for Wild Boar :o)"

          Doesn't need re-introducing, it's already escaped and gone wild in some areas like the Forest of Dean. Expect them to soon be on the government death list, along with badgers, deer, and most forms of industry.

      2. Grikath
        FAIL

        apex predator.

        Tell that to the Hippies who consider our sheer existence a Blight Onto Creation.

        Part of the problem of there being so many deer is that the necessary culling to avoid plague-like numbers has been fought tooth and nail by every bunny-cuddler for years, if not decades now.

      3. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

        re: Apex preditor

        Only in the home counties - not in Australia

    4. tmTM

      Licenced Hunters?

      We have people that need jobs and too many tasty animals roaming around the countryside.

      Surely this should be a self solving problem, the government could also make a quick buck on hunting licence fee's.

      or we could all continue eating suspect meat from the supermarket???

      1. Dan Paul
        Devil

        Re: Licenced Hunters?

        <sarcasm> Sorry, for Hunting, you would need guns, and as a nation you have proved that you are unable to bear that responsibility.<Endsarcasm>

    5. MrXavia
      Facepalm

      @Norman Hartnell

      Foolish thinking, that would be a waste of a resource, venison is very tasty!

    6. Chris Hawkins
      Linux

      How about some genetically generated sabre tooth tigers?

      1. cortland

        Too much for modern humans; make that pen-knives* instead of sabres and that'll do.

        * I remember having to bring one to school to sharpen pencils; steel nibs had killed the quill industry.

        "Here, children, we have the dreaded pen-knife-toothed tiger, the only mammal with folding fangs. Some scientists ascribe the muntjac plague to its poor dentition..."

    7. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      >Just reintroduce wolves

      Or a home grown solution, Benton + laser beams

    8. Jtom
      Facepalm

      Then what happens when there's an overpopulation of wolves? Man is at the top of the food chain, but we've almost ceased in playing our role in nature.

      1. Neil Barnes Silver badge

        But man is *not* an apex predator

        He's simply the only - as far as I know - prey animal that's made a serious inroad into killing off his predators.

  2. mamsey
    Devil

    Gas them...

    Gas them in their burrows, the gov'ment seems to approve of that sort of thing...

  3. Thecowking

    Anything that means cheaper venison

    Is good news in my eyes. I love venison.

    More Bambi burgers for me ta!

    1. Andrew Moore
      Thumb Up

      Re: Anything that means cheaper venison

      I'll quite happily take part in the cull and then gut/clean my kill; that should be enough to shut any vegetarian up...

  4. Miek
    Childcatcher

    Won't someone think of the Countryside and all these wild animals "Destroying it".

    Clearly something must be done ... I suggest we bear arms and shoot the folks who keep suggesting these culls.

    1. Gordon 10
      Mushroom

      I have a better suggestion - Arm Bears.

      1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
        Terminator

        Hunger Games!

        Armed bears? Well...

        Why not give the task to university robotics research groups?

        Robots in camo, equipped with spears, crossbows and kives slithering through forests doing pattern matching on Bambi Creatures To Terminate.

        It's fun! One can probably obtain a few grants from the ministry of clusterfucks and ordinance, too.

        1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
          Terminator

          And nothing could possibly go wrong with that plan...

          Quick El Reg, can you not hear those dogs barking? This commentard is clearly a Terminator sent from the future to infiltrate us, and persuade us to train a robot army, which will be used to destroy us! He must be exposed using your site logs. Does El Reg have access to an industrial press?

        2. FartingHippo
          Coat

          Armed bears

          The US constitution enshrines the right to arm bears.

        3. Rampant Spaniel

          re armed bears

          I'm sure Darpa already have tha figured out.

        4. ian 22

          Re: Hunger Games!

          Robotic hunters? Release the drones!

          Reminds me of that animated classic "Bambi Meets Godzilla". Running time approximately 30 seconds.

      2. reno79

        A very Robin Williams-esque joke, and that man is hairy enough to be a bear

      3. Lee D Silver badge

        If only we lived in the US. Their constitution says something along those lines.

        1. Armando 123

          "If only we lived in the US. Their constitution says something along those lines."

          Yes, but not our lawmakers ...

          That being said, I have hunted deer in the past. Damn tasty, but if they've been in a mint field, the first bite into the venison can be a bit of a surprise

      4. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

        re: arm bears

        The spin-off "Paddington in da hood"

        with a Glock launched to capture the American market

    2. Ru

      all these wild animals "Destroying it".

      Given that the deer have no natural predators, and some of the deer species in the UK are invasive, what do you propose to do about them? There's nothing particularly natural about their current abundance, and large numbers of deer are indeed destructive.

      1. Ken Hagan Gold badge

        @Ru

        I suspect the green solution to your little poser is simply to increase the amount of habitat available to the deer. After all, we've spent most of the last 10000 years deforesting and generally nicking land from the rest of the ecosystem, so it is not surprising to find that "wildlife" is short of space. Of course, allowing wildlife to increase its resource consumption isn't a sustainable policy, but having got all the people out of the way you can *then* release the bears and wolves.

        Nature got along fine for a few billion years before we showed up. It's not actually an unworkable solution, but I suspect most of the human population will reckon that a cull is a better one.

    3. Rampant Spaniel

      Most of that countryside would be forrest if it wasn't for humans, it wuld likely also be populated with different animals, so are you advocating totally erasing the human imprint on the landscape or just that particular bit?

      1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

        @human impact

        >totally erasing the human imprint on the landscape or just that particular bit?

        It's mostly a problem in the home counties and new forest ?

        I don't see any problem in eradicating the human population south of say Nottingham.

        Unleash the rapid laser beam equipped wippets of the north

  5. Z-Eden
    Pint

    Venison has a lot going for it. I love it and try to have it where available. It's lean, rich and lower in fat than the main meat groups.

    Tuck in!

    1. Alister
      Coat

      It's lean, rich and lower in fat than the main meat groups.

      ...Just like Horse...

      1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
        Happy

        Re: It's lean, rich and lower in fat than the main meat groups.

        I like this approach to problem solving. Have we not got too many horses as well? Because I propose a similar solution.

        If only all environmental problems had such tasty solutions!

        I propose a solution to atmospheric C02. Giant Sodastreams. Greens should get busy with the fizzy.

        1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

          Re: It's lean, rich and lower in fat than the main meat groups.

          Just like most vegetarians - that's why I like vegetarian sausages, you know you are getting real meat (although with the occasional bit of beard)

      2. Richard 23
        Thumb Up

        Re: It's lean, rich and lower in fat than the main meat groups.

        I've no problems eating horse (s long as I know that's what it is, and can be confident it's not full of Bute) but venison is tastier !

      3. M Gale
        Coffee/keyboard

        Re: Just Like Horse

        <--- See that?

        You bastard. Now I have to find a cloth or something, before some professor walks past and wonders why this lab machine looks pebbledashed.

        (El Reg: Better than Facebook, which is what everyone else seems to be looking at)

    2. Ken Hagan Gold badge

      "It's lean, rich and lower in fat than the main meat groups."

      The main meat groups were domesticated and bred into the grassy equivalent of couch potatoes several thousand years ago. It's hardly surprising if they are now a bit flabby. Is venison leaner than, say, wildebeast?

      1. Marshalltown
        Pint

        Most domesticated food animals ...

        would probably be fine if they weren't fed terminal diets intended to fatten them. Not sure about Britain, but in the US cattle are fed corn when they reach the feed lot, which they are NOT evolved to eat. It causes all kinds of problems in the rumen. The diet boosts their cholesterol loads and is also the reason that they are regularly given antibiotics. Grass-fed cattle are considerably healthier.

  6. g e
    Joke

    In other news

    The head of the CRU has shares in a specialist venison abbatoir. Also in a lawnmower company, too - expect grass to be a new climate-evil next week.

  7. Captain Hogwash
    WTF?

    "Researchers reckoned...

    ...that 53 per cent of muntjac and 60 per cent of roe deer need to be wiped out instead of the previous recommendations of 30 and 20 per cent, respectively."

    But earlier...

    "...muntjac***, a "non-native invasive species"..."

    Surely the correct figures then should be 100% of muntjac and possibly some other number of roe.

    1. Mad Mike

      Re: "Researchers reckoned...

      Whether something is non-native or not is irrelevant. Almost every species in the UK are non-native if you go back far enough in time. Human beings are non-native, as we came from Africa. Should we therefore be wiped out? Species moving between land masses is a normal part of evolution whether carried by man or any other host species, or even their own legs!!

      Instead of wiping anything out, let's simply breed them like cows and enjoy a very tasty alternative to beef, that is even better for you. Venison is so expensive at the moment and hopefully, this cull will result in prices falling dramatically.

      1. Captain Hogwash
        Facepalm

        Re: "Researchers reckoned...

        Think it through in the context of why a cull is being proposed.

      2. Kubla Cant

        Re: "Researchers reckoned...

        "Whether something is non-native or not is irrelevant. Almost every species in the UK are non-native if you go back far enough in time."

        What's relevant is how recently it arrived. If it's been here a long time, there are likely to be natural predators. Unfortunately, the deer's natural predators were big enough to eat homo sapiens, too, or at least to compete with us. So it's goodbye natural predator.

      3. rh587

        Re: "Researchers reckoned...

        The general consensus is anything that was cut off on Blighty when sea levels rose after the last ice age and the Channel flooded is considered native - at the time there was little to no "native" ecosystem as most of the country was covered in half a mile of ice, obliterating previous habitats. That was 10k years ago.

        By contrast, american deer species were introduced just 100-200 years ago, at the same time as the other top predator species were being wiped out within these fair shores. So yes, they are non-native.

        Species very rarely just move between continents of their own accord (well, Europe/Asia yes because it's land. To America, not so much). Typically if an animal can get from one landmass to another, so can their predators. Part of the ecosystem moves with them. There are exceptions, but not many.

        For instance, during the ice age, a lot of areas that are now sea became land. Man walked up from Africa, along with deer, other animals - and wolves.

        Subsequently some of them were cut off when the channel flooded - a cross section of a functional ecosystem.

        Conversely when we brought deer from America, we did not bring any wild cats or wolves along for the ride.

        1. Eddy Ito

          Re: "Researchers reckoned...

          "Conversely when we brought deer from America, we did not bring any wild cats or wolves along for the ride."

          Actually only Caribou/Reindeer, if they count, are native to the Americas. The four imported species of deer in Britain seem to come from Persia or the Orient with the Fallow deer from the former and the Sika, Muntjac and the ominous Chinese Water Deer. Why ominous? Simple, "death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth..."

        2. Mad Mike

          Re: "Researchers reckoned...

          It's really interesting how we remove ourselves by nature and somehow consider ourselves differently. We are part of nature and unless you're a creationist, were created by nature.

          Therefore, us bringing a particular variety of deer into this country is no different to a flea catching a ride on the back of a rat. We're part of nature, not separate. It's only our built-in sense of superiority that makes us think we're different.

          By the logic expessed here, which somehow thinks time has got something to do with this, in 10,000 years time, these deer will be native and therefore are OK. And saying deer have no predators is simply untrue. We're the predator now!! It doesn't have to be non-human.

          Nature is a wonderful thing and takes all this in her stride. It's man's arrogance that makes him think he needs to deal with all this, or that somehow nature has to stand still and everything should remain as it has been for the last few hundred years. If the deers population gets too big, natural processes (such as available food etc.) will control it. If this changes the natural landscape of this country, that's evolution for you!!

          Human beings have this strange notion that things shouldn't change over time, hence their general desire to try and 'manage' things to keep them 'as they've always been'. However, this is quite unnatural.

  8. Mostly_Harmless Silver badge
    Happy

    mmmm.....venison

    1. Silverburn

      Tasty indeed...but on my honeymoon I pretty much had venison every night. Chef did a spectacular job, no question there...but after 7 nights of it, I needed "a rest". Venison is not a "consume daily" food - it's quite rich.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    IT Angle

    Stopped reading...

    after "University of East Anglia".

  10. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

    Muntjac and roe need thier populations controlling

    But nobody seems to be asking the most important question - which is tastier?

    1. Chris Miller

      Re: Muntjac and roe need thier populations controlling

      Not many people will have eaten either, as farmed venison comes from fallow or red deer. Muntjac are around labrador size, so not much meat on them. All venison is delicious, but it needs to be hung for longer than beef.

      1. Brewster's Angle Grinder Silver badge
        Pirate

        Re: Muntjac and roe need thier populations controlling @Chris Miller

        "...so not much meat on them..."

        But more than a rabbit, which is all the dog normally catches.

        <-- I'm sharpening my knives in anticipation.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Muntjac and roe need thier populations controlling

      The muntjac I've had was tough and stringy and didn't roast well. I'd have been better off stewing it. Tasted OK though.

    3. Gavin McMenemy
      Alert

      Re: Muntjac and roe need thier populations controlling

      Post Pub Nosh dathmatch?

  11. Tom 13

    I'm all in favor of this proposal from the University of East Anglia.

    Not because I'd believe anything ANY of their models predict, but because venison is tasty and therefore a good idea regardless of what useful idiot proposes it.

  12. Magani
    Flame

    Control emissions?

    "To help control carbon emissions the government has set targets to increase wood-fuel production,..."

    Ummm, I may have got this backwards but how does increasing burning wood for fuel help control carbon emissions?

    1. Kubla Cant
      Flame

      Re: Control emissions?

      Burning fossil fuel releases carbon that was previously locked up in the ground. Burning wood that's cultivated for fuel sets up a cycle where the carbon released by burning is recaptured by photosynthesis in the growing trees. Ideally, the amount of carbon in the atmosphere would be constant.

      1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
        FAIL

        Re: Control emissions?

        Unfortunately burning your forest happens faster than its regeneration. Add subsidies for creating wood chips and/or "guaranteed prices" and the forest is gone in a forthnight. Did I mention that you don't actually cover a lot of energy needs with this kinda stupidity? In the old times, whole forests were transformed into ocean-going ships at least.

        Well, sounds like a good idea from the ministry of silly walks.

        1. Don Jefe

          Re: Control emissions?

          Actually, most of the forests in the U.K. were burned for fuel. The vast majority of ship timbers and ships stores came from Scandanavia, Russia, and the U.S.

          1. Kubla Cant

            Re: Control emissions?

            @Don Jefe: My impression is that the oak used for hulls was mostly English, while the Baltic was the source for hemp and pine. Some ships were built from pine, but they weren't popular.

            I don't suppose forest oak has been much used for firewood in historical times. It's too expensive, and probably too much trouble to cut. Most wood for domestic purposes was cultivated by coppicing. The object of the forest-burning was to open up land for farming.

            @Destroy All Monsters: I don't think the idea is to use slow-growing forest trees as fuel. The idea that photosynthesis would be a good way to store solar energy by reducing carbon dioxide is plausible, but I have no idea how the actual economics work out. It's disappointing that there seems to be so little comparative end-to-end analysis of alternative solutions. Instead, as you say, we get a labyrinth of subsidies (wood chip, biodiesel), producer interest (wind farms) and hippie preconception.

            1. Yet Another Commentard

              Re: Control emissions?

              "while the Baltic was the source for hemp." Yep, but that all went to pot. Badoom tish.

              Ash is best for burning. There could be quite a glut of it soon.

          2. Mad Mike

            Re: Control emissions?

            "The vast majority of ship timbers and ships stores came from Scandanavia, Russia, and the U.S."

            Absolutely not. Look at the New Forest for starters. That was almost totally due to Portsmouth and ship building. That's why oak is nowhere near as common in the UK than it once was. It was largely harvested for building ships.

            Obviously, some was burnt for fuel, but this would have been the softer woods, less suitable for building ships.

    2. Marshalltown
      Pint

      Re: Control emissions?

      The putative reasoning would be that since wood is a "renewable" resource that captures CO2 from the atmopshere, burning that wood is "neutral." Burning fossil fuels, or generating CO2 from limestone for carbonated drinks makes additional carbon available and thus ain't "neutral." If they insisted on carbonation being generated from natural fermentation Coke and Pepsi would be carbon neutral too.

      Beer, because it really is carbon neutral

  13. M Gale

    Contraceptive dart guns?

    It's been done before.

    1. JimC

      Re: Contraceptive dart guns?

      Because if you are going to do all the work to get in range with a gun, it makes more sense to kill Bambi and halt her ecological damage now, than to inject the contraceptive and maybe stop any offspring damaing the environment later.

      1. M Gale

        Re: Contraceptive dart guns?

        Depends on your priorities.

        Kill Bambi now, and watch the population bounce right back in a few years.

        Or stop Bambi reproducing for life, watch the population naturally dwindle and take quite a while longer to recover.

        As a fairly committed rabbit-food-eater, I'll at least mention population control methods that don't involve blowing big holes in things. In the absence of a cervine-targetted Combine suppression field, darts are probably the best option there.

        1. Silverburn
          Mushroom

          Re: Contraceptive dart guns?

          Darts? How will matches of 501 help reduce their numbers exactly?

          sarcasm: on

          And no shooting? So...poison, snaring, castration, habitat burning, disease introduction, germ warfare and introduction of brutal predators are probably still all ok, right...?

          <-- The only way to guarantee rapid numbers reduction is this. There are a few unpleasant side affects mind.

          sarcasm:off

        2. JimC
          Facepalm

          Re: bounce back

          [sigh]

          A cull isn't a one off process: its an annual task. The idea of a cull is to mimic the effect of an apex predator on the population, so its a continuous process. The only one off that works is to kill all of them (incidentally the right thing to do with muntjac and water deer).You may not like the thought of blowing holes in things, but I don't much like the idea of them starving to death over the winter, which is what happens if you don't get the population down to a sustainable level in the autumn cull.

          1. Mad Mike

            Re: bounce back

            "The idea of a cull is to mimic the effect of an apex predator on the population"

            Nope. It is actually an apex predator in action. We are that apex predator. Just because we're doing it, doesn't mean it isn't part of nature. We are a product of nature!! It is entirely justified and perfectly reasonable for us to 'harvest' the plentiful food around us. If it happens to have side benefits, that's great. It's the natural order of things. If a predators natural food is no longer around, does it just die, or simply move onto something else? Those that can't move on die themselves; those that can pick another food source.

            So, us culling and eating deer is a perfect example of nature in action!!

  14. Colin Brett
    Flame

    From Steven Wright

    "I love defenceless animals, specially in a good gravy."

    Colin

    Fire to roast them over, obviously.

  15. ukgnome
    Devil

    Am I the only one that read that article humming "who killed bambi"

  16. SantaFeWolfman
    Pirate

    Lock and load

    I eat venison every chance I get - and hunted, too (Bless my Bavarian countrymen, I still haven't got my licence). If HM Guvmint wants some Jerry help with their venison problem, feel free to call - we'll bring beer, funny hats and boom sticks.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Lock and load

      "If HM Guvmint wants some Jerry help with their venison problem, feel free to call - we'll bring beer, funny hats and boom sticks."

      That's what you told the Austrians, Czechs and Poles.

      1. JimmyPage Silver badge
        Coffee/keyboard

        @AC 13:40

        now it's my machine that looks pebbledashed ;)

    2. Silverburn

      Re: Lock and load

      That's what you told the Austrians, Czechs and Poles.

      I think they all accepted the generous offer, but something went drastically wrong in the translation if I recall...

      1. M Gale

        Re: Lock and load

        "Hirsch" vs "Jude".

        I can see how there might have been a problem.

  17. Robert Carnegie Silver badge

    I notice,

    they carefully don't put "These animals carry disease" and "Eat them, they're tasty" next to one another. That is left to me. You're welcome.

    This is also why I don't want horse-burger when it was supposed to be cow. You don't know if it's good horse or bad horse or cat-food horse. You only know whether or not it's good cow, and it's not.

    1. rh587

      Re: I notice,

      That's for the abbatoir vets and meat examiners to check.

      It's not rocket science - they have to check farm animals as well and reject those with parasites or other defects. When you see rabbit or wood pigeon on the menu in one of the better gastro-pubs with a chef who knows their game meat, that came from a local hunter, via a licensed game dealer (a different qualification from being a regular butcher) who is trained to spot unfit meat.

      Even "farmed" deer live their life out in the countryside, susceptible to ticks and disease.

    2. Intractable Potsherd

      Re: I notice,

      Yes, but ... the whole point about the horse-in-other-meat problem is that their clearly wasn't an effective system monitoring where meat came from. The only thing you can say is that some of the farmed meat you ate had a valid certificate.

  18. Number6

    Earning their keep

    I've yet to work out how they manage it, given the fences and brambles, but I occasionally get muntjac in the garden. So far they've confined themselves to eating things that I'd otherwise have to cut back so they're being helpful. One day I'll accidentally let the dog out before noticing one (they're a lot smaller than our dog) and it might get interesting. At least I'd find out their entry point.

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
      Paris Hilton

      Re: Earning their keep

      My Mum's dog has always fancied his chances with the local muntjac. Unfortunately, being a Labrador of very little brain, his stalking approach is to charge full speed towards them through the noisiest cover available, so he's never even got close to one before it's buggered off. I strongly suspect he'd be in for a shock if he ever caught one, bit like what'd happen to his nose if he ever accidentally caught the cats he chases out of her garden.

      1. Ken Hagan Gold badge

        Re: Earning their keep

        "I strongly suspect he'd be in for a shock if he ever caught one"

        That's generally true. I've seen cats catch fairly large birds, only to regret it a few seconds later. I've heard that a cornered rat is equally unco-operative. I imagine that scaling the whole process up to the size of a deer is quite interesting.

        1. Yet Another Commentard

          Re: Earning their keep

          Our dog cornered and killed a rat in the stables last November. I was surprised, he's a King Charles Cavalier, a breed not exactly known for their ferocious attacks. Perhaps the rat thought the same. He still managed to get bitten on the lip, which required another expensive visit to the vet.

          True story.

          As a complete aside, can we also declare war on moles. There's not much meat on them I know, but I think given enough you could make some clothes out of the skins. I've taken a staggering 21 out of our lawn so far this year, and they keep on coming. It's an invasion. It looks like the battle of the Somme out there.

          Sorry, I'll calm down now.

    2. John Sager

      Re: Earning their keep

      One of our neighbours' dogs was savaged quite badly by a muntjac some years ago. They have become much more numerous in our part of the world (SE Suffolk) over the last couple of decades. I often see one crossing our garden at night on the CCTV.

      No-one has suggested Lynx as a candidate for re-introduction, though I think they are more at home in hilly or mountainous areas, so Suffolk isn't exactly prime territory for them.

  19. Robert Ramsay
    Megaphone

    That's what you get...

    ...for publishing such an article at lunchtime...

  20. This post has been deleted by its author

  21. Syed

    MUNTJAC

    Are you sure the first and last letters haven't been transposed?

    1. M Gale
      Coffee/keyboard

      Re: MUNTJAC

      ew.

      <--- Oh god, not again.

    2. jungle_jim
      Pint

      Re: MUNTJAC

      bahahahahaha

    3. Mark Leaver
      Thumb Up

      Re: MUNTJAC

      Only if you read the latin name for them first (Muntiacus reevesi) and think that you are reading about some munter from Newcastle called Reeves.

  22. sisk

    Venison for all!

    If we had numbers like that around here I wouldn't have to buy meat for years. And I'd have yummier meat to feed my family than the greasy beef I can get from the grocery store.

    Dangit, now I'm in the mood for venison steaks and deer season is months away.

  23. Eddy Ito
    Coat

    "the usual methods of keeping them in check aren't working"

    What? Have you run out of lorries and BMWs?

  24. Tequila Joe

    the IT angle

    'cheap deer' - UEA post-modern binary

  25. Marshalltown
    Mushroom

    Appearances can be deceiving it seems

    "The team found that management of the deer appeared to be keeping numbers stable, but that was only because the four-legged fiends were sneaking off into the surrounding countryside..."

    The "eat this" icon because of what my Vegan friends will think ...

  26. Marshalltown
    WTF?

    American deer???

    I noticed references to introduced American deer species. I know the Muntjac isn't American and the Roe deer isn't either. In fact, there aren't any American species listed as introduced to Britain that I can locate a reference to.

    1. SirDigalot

      Re: American deer???

      http://www.bds.org.uk/species.html

      I figure the deer all held on to driftwood like the camels did getting to fourecks....

      1. SirDigalot

        Re: American deer???

        although you are correct in saying they are not American, unless they are counting the odd reindeer...

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I'd like to suggest.....

    In the interests of saving animals we all agree need to be saved and getting rid of those that need to be culled, I vote that Britain introduce bengal tigers, polar bears and komodo dragons into the environment. That should show those pesky deer who's boss!!

    (And if the tigers, bears and dragons don't work, maybe you can clone some velociraptors?)

  28. Katie Saucey
    Mushroom

    KILL'EM ALL

    Seriously, the situation is that dire? How hard can it just be to eat them? Eat this icon, obviously for the BBQ.

  29. C. P. Cosgrove
    IT Angle

    Venison ?

    Delicious !

    Especially the liver.

    Slice into smallish pieces, coat with flour, fry, serve with fried onions, mashed tatties and any other vegetable of your choice - superb.

    And there I was thinking this was an IT journal, not Good Housekeeping. Doesn't change the fact that venison is delicious.

    Chris Cosgrove

  30. Jtom

    Do some good

    Just a suggestion if it hasn't already been made:

    The state of Texas also had a problem with a deer population that got out of hand. The state gave out the normal hunting permits - you could hunt enough deer to feed your family for the year - then they issued special permits to hunt more, but with one requirement: the deer meat had to be handed over to the state. It was then used to supplement the free food available for those who lived below the poverty level. Everyone was happy, and the save-the-deer nuts were hard pressed to say the poor shouldn't have meat.

    Then too, handled correctly you could likely spare the lives of a lot of horses......

  31. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Love the deer

    I'm an Australian hunter of deer, our introduced species are considerably larger and more agressive breaders than the smaller deer we are talking about here. I find deer meat to be extremely tasty, low in fat and downright good fun to hunt.

    (Sambar) deer are superbly capable at evading predation from much more proficient hunters than me in their native habitat which puts me at ease as to the sporting side of things, 5 years and I've shot very few. I object to the image of deer hunters as being rednecks and toothless morons. I eat meat, yes. But I take a hands on role in selecting it, preparing it and taking it from the environment. In my mind the whole approach of taking a wild animal unaware with a bullet while it stands in the trees is significantly better for overall animal welfare (obviously not long term for the one thats about to be eaten) than a feedlot and a cramped truck covered in dung and piss, frightened, tired and uncomfortable animals being slaughtered and packed in plastic to be sent to the supermarket for people to eat without connecting it to its origin

    I'd deerly (see what I did there) like to see the wild game feast regain some of its former prestige -- I like the idea of a wild meat home grown veg meal, served with some homebrew beer -- if you are a person who is against hunting, I'd urge you to seek out a responsible hunter and talk it over with them, and perhaps have a go at it as an observer. I think you'll be very very surprised how seriously we take the welfare of our quary and just how important our prey is to us.

  32. cs94njw
    Thumb Up

    What the hell are we doing buying all this horse-based filler for burgers, when we have native hooved ones that are virtually a pest!?

    Make mine a Deer Bolognaise!

  33. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    An environmental report from the largely discredited University of East Anglia? No doubt they will cite deer as real cause of 'Man made' Global Warming, renamed as 'Global Warming' and renamed again as 'Climate Change' known to you and I as the weather. Still it has to be worth a research grant ;-)

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