Eadon - In all seriousness, I am genuinely concerned for you. I really do worry about your mental health.
Its simply not healthy or normal to spend what must be a major part of your day posting vitriolic comments on the Register ranting about Microsoft. Microsoft are just a company. Apple are just a company. They both exist to sell stuff. They both just make stuff - no one has died. To spend most of your waking time ranting about widget A being better than gadget B simply isn't normal. Theres wars, famine, death, opression and lots of of heinous things in this world to get this worked up about - but a new computer???
Maybe go out for a walk? Spend some time in the park, find some hobbies or intersts outside IT. Broaden your horizons. You really do come across as someone in dire need of an intervention. Again, this is not a dig or an insult, I just really worry that you'll become the focus of an el reg news article after having done a Mark Chapman, putting six bullets into Blamers back straight after asking him to sign a Microsoft surface.
Please ,for your own sake - get help.