what happens in the pleistocene ..
Damn, so that's what happened during that weekend I lost back in the day ..
Boffin claims Bigfoot DNA reveals BESTIAL BONKING
An American scientist is claiming DNA samples reportedly taken from Bigfoot show the beast is a product of mating between female humans and an undiscovered primate. Dr. Melba Ketchum has undergone a five-year examination of North American Sasquatch samples, and told The Register that she had discovered that the non-human …
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Wednesday 28th November 2012 01:57 GMT Anonymous Coward
Gotta catch them all
Fascinating work from Dr Ketchum, but her real test is going to be to catch them. Only then can she be the very best, like no one ever was. No doubt this will require her to travel across the land, searching far and wide. Hopefully this will enable her to understand the power that's inside.
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Wednesday 28th November 2012 02:06 GMT Gordo Rex
I can't believe I'm commenting on this....
So, Sasquatch is a hybrid of a human and an unknown species (which species, although non-human, is close enough to being human to be able to breed with humans). Which raises the question, what is the unknown species, and where did it come from? And why are there no descendants of the purebred version? And how could it have bred with humans 15,000 years ago when the earth is only 6,000 years old?
My head hurts.
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Wednesday 28th November 2012 03:23 GMT Anonymous Coward
@Gordo Rex
"And how could it have bred with humans 15,000 years ago when the earth is only 6,000 years old?"
Your point is what, exactly? That fundamentalist Christians would dismiss this story out of hand, but you are scientific enough to believe it? Evidently you haven't thought things through, because the implications of your "point" don't work out the way you think that they do.
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Wednesday 28th November 2012 05:44 GMT Marshalltown
Re: I can't believe I'm commenting on this....
The actual press release indicates that both Neanderthal and Denisovans are ruled out. That still leaves "hobbits" - the little guys from Indonesia, who were around 15 kya, and potentially others as well. Of course, if you want to consider the universe only 6,000 years old, you also have to conclude that whoever did the work was not only a really able forger, but a practical joker, since Slartybartfast or whoever did it, built the universe to appear at least 14 billion years old, and included the duckbilled platypus.
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Wednesday 28th November 2012 20:37 GMT Muscleguy
Re: I can't believe I'm commenting on this....
"Ah the platypus. So many features like so many other animals, yet not related to any of them."
Other than the other monotremes, both extant and extinct of course and that ALL life on earth can be demonstrated to have a single common ancestor, dubbed LUCA. That includes monotremes in general and platypus in particular.
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Wednesday 28th November 2012 12:01 GMT Psyx
Re: I can't believe I'm commenting on this....
More to the point:
"The paper reviewing the samples is currently under peer review*, and the team hadn't intended to make the news public beforehand**, but Dr. Ketchum explained that one of the Russian team had let the news slip.*** "
*Other people who know what they're talking about haven't had the chance to look at it and say "this is bollocks" yet.
** Honest guv.
***Because getting it out before peer review gets some media attention and nobody can say "this is bollocks" just yet.
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Wednesday 28th November 2012 11:31 GMT Some Beggar
the scientific method demands that disbelief be suspended until peers have reviews and retested
It does? I must have slept through the "suspension of disbelief" lecture. Did it come between the bit about not accepting anything on face value or the bit about extraordinary claims requiring extraordinary evidence? Or did you just make it up?
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Wednesday 28th November 2012 11:39 GMT Anonymous Coward
Constitution
"Government at all levels must recognize them as an indigenous people and immediately protect their human and Constitutional rights against those who would see in their physical and cultural differences a 'license' to hunt, trap, or kill them,"
I assume Sasquatch will also have the constitutional right to bear arms - which would make the hunting season interesting.
Let's not overlook the fact that once recognised as human the Big Foot community would be the sort of back-to-basics, small-government, proud American voters that the Republicans need. And don't you think a sasquatch running mate would add gravitas to any Gingrich campaign in 2016?
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Wednesday 28th November 2012 12:25 GMT Grikath
wait a moment...
In a variant of "pics or it didn't happen" the "dr." * claims to have received photographic evidence of the critter involved along with sampled material. Unless this is the usual Vague Blob in Shrubbery type, she would have her hands on the first actual visual evidence of these critters, which would in and of itself be enough to shake the world up a little bit.
Call me a sceptic, but nothing here engenders any form of excitement.
* A quick trawl for the "dr"s actual qualifications reveals a lot of claims of collaboration with a lot of organisations which could or could not be legit. What it does *not* reveal is her actual academic schooling and career, something which tends to be taken very seriously in academic circles, especially when it comes to the molecular sciences.
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Wednesday 28th November 2012 14:16 GMT Anonymous Coward
You never know ...
... there's a difference between being a sceptic and a complete dick.
Dr. Melba S. Ketchum biography:
Dr. Melba S. Ketchum grew up in Texas City, Texas. She attended Texas A&M University where she received her doctorate in Veterinary Medicine after five years at the university. She had a mixed veterinary practice until she founded DNA Diagnostics. Dr. Ketchum is the president and founder of DNA Diagnostics, Inc. d/b/a Shelterwood Laboratories. Established in 1985, DNA Diagnostics has become a leader in all types of DNA testing including: human and animal forensics, human and animal paternity and parentage testing, disease diagnostics, trait tests, animal and human identity testing, species identification and sex determination. Most common species of animals are tested at DNA Diagnostics.
http://www.coasttocoastam.com/guest/...-melba-s/47325
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Wednesday 28th November 2012 15:44 GMT ChristopherPontac
There never will be a scientific review
Dr. Melba S. Ketchum has taken the sensible precaution of publishing a press release instead of an article in a peer-reviewed journal. That means, contrary to the optimistic implications of the last couple of sentences, there will never be a scientific review of the claims. The advantage to Dr. Ketchum is that it avoids the exposure of this claim as utter nonsense, and preserves so a nice little publicity-spinner for her company. It's win-win for her, if you don't count self-respect and professional pride.
Christopher Pontac
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Wednesday 28th November 2012 17:00 GMT Dave 32
An*l Probing
But, why hasn't anyone mentioned anal probing yet? After all, the aliens had to get a sample of human DNA to compose the original beasts with, didn't they? And, anal probing probably has less chance of contamination than oral swabbing, which is the current trend in DNA sampling (at least according to the TV show CSI).
So, the aliens show up, do a bit of anal probing to get a DNA sample of humans, then create a creature roughly similar, which they then release on Earth (Ok, so there was a bit of mutation in that DNA, whether intentional or unintentional). Such creatures then breed with human women, producing bigfoots.
Of course, those were the failed attempts (probably incorrect DNA mutations). The successful DNA mutations now work in the IT industry.
Dave
P.S. Mine's the one with "Genetic Engineering for Dummies" in the pocket.
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Biting the hand that feeds IT
