back to article Christian footie match ends in almighty brawl

Five footballers from the West Midlands Christian League are heading for some serious time in the sin bin after a match last weekend degenerated into a "brutal brawl". Common Ground United and Zion Athletic met on Saturday in West Bromwich to engage in what was supposed to be "friendly competition whilst upholding Christian …

COMMENTS

This topic is closed for new posts.
  1. Richard Wharram
    Meh

    Of course

    It must have been the non-Christians.

    Obviously.

    1. Shagbag

      To the fighting 'non-christians'

      Allah Akbah my friends!

      1. Shagbag

        Re: To the fighting 'non-christians'

        Now I'm going to blow myself up.

    2. Oliver Mayes

      Re: Of course

      "It must have been the non-Christians."

      Of course, no Christian has ever been involved in any act of violence.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Of course

      Inshallah...

    4. Steve Evans

      Re: Of course

      Indeed... No religious people ever caused violence.

      May the footballers had seen the news that Jesus had a wife and found it so inflammatory they decided to kick off in a completely unrelated location?

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Severely LMAO at this

    You couldn't make this up. The comment about 'non-Christians' probably being the root cause of this makes it even more of a classic.

    He's probably right though, the only thing us atheists want to do is just fight each other over principles....

    1. badmonkey
      Mushroom

      Re: Severely LMAO at this

      He might be right. After all, if I were exposed to the average Christian trying to style himself a particular flavor of an unrelated label that just makes no sense, e.g.: "Christian footballer" [sic] - why, then, yes, I too may be tempted to punch someone in the face.

      1. Alex Walsh

        Re: Severely LMAO at this

        From memory, I think Jermaine Defoe styles himself as a Christian footballer.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Severely LMAO at this

      You mean like Stalin, Pol Pot, Mao, Enver Hoxha and the builders of the Berlin Wall?

      Perhaps. Those people make the Crusades and the Inquisition look like a game of slaps.

      Then you've got all those who might not be declared atheists, but behave as if there is no God to judge them. Those might be in Church one day and running the crusades the next, or declaring that we really do need to invade Iraq to look for WMDs, or suggesting that really, the widows and orphans should have made better investment choices if they really wanted proper healthcare.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Severely LMAO at this

        "You mean like Stalin, Pol Pot, Mao, Enver Hoxha and the builders of the Berlin Wall?"

        I notice Adolf Hitler is conspicuously missing from your list -- wonder why?

        Also you forgot to mention the top ten biggest philanthropists in history, and whether they were atheists or not -- wonder why?

        1. beep54
          Happy

          Re: Severely LMAO at this

          Well, Adolph was not only a Christian, he was Catholic to boot! They really don't like to be reminded of this.

          1. Psyx
            Meh

            Re: Severely LMAO at this

            "Well, Adolph was not only a Christian, he was Catholic to boot! They really don't like to be reminded of this."

            He was born and raised Catholic, but not a practising one, nor claimed to be. Big difference. In fact he pretty much deliberately twisted and corrupted Christian beliefs.

            Plenty of practising Catholics have been mass-murdering fuck-heads too, but I don't think it's at all logical or very viable to tease Catholics with "Hitler was Catholic [by accident of birth] too".

            If you really want to insult other people's personal beliefs, there's plenty of better ammunition than that to choose from.

      2. badmonkey
        Mushroom

        Re: Severely LMAO at this

        ..."behave as if there is no God to judge them"

        I behave as if there's no God to judge me. Because there isn't.

        So you are only prevented from the litany of crimes you are itching to commit, because you are worried that an imaginary sky fairy is going to send you to his evil ex angel when the electrons quit running around those cells in your head? Moron.

      3. ian 22
        Joke

        Re: Severely LMAO at this

        Meh. Christians aren't perfect, only forgiven.

    3. Sorry that handle is already taken. Silver badge
      Devil

      Re: Severely LMAO at this

      I'm too busy eating babies to fight over principles.

  3. badmonkey
    Holmes

    Christian beliefs and ideals

    That'd be irrationally held convictions, mild insanity, hostility toward reason, a bit of sexual repression, and a lot of violence, then.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Christian beliefs and ideals

      > That'd be irrationally held convictions, mild insanity, hostility toward reason, a bit of sexual repression, and a lot of violence, then.

      Is it logically possible for an atheist to hold moral convictions? Surely its all just pragmatism or its irrational?

      Mild insanity? Now that's just name calling!

      Hostility to reason? Rubbish. Christians merely suggest that we don't know everything and we may have made mistakes in some things.

      Sexual repression? Have you read the NT? You do know that Paul says that you you must not deprive your spouse of sex, except for important reasons and only if it is only for a short amount of time, right?

      Love of violence? If someone says, "I support Liverpool," while wearing Man U colours and cheering for Man U against Liverpool, is he a Liverpool supporter?

      1. Burch

        Re: Christian beliefs and ideals

        "Is it logically possible for an atheist to hold moral convictions?"

        I can see why you're staying anonymous, I'd be ashamed to spout such crap as well.

        1. Robert Heffernan

          @Burch

          I am an atheist, yet I have moral convictions. Just because I don't believe in the existence of some supreme being who created everything (I believe something exploded billions of years ago and everything since is a direct result of that) doesn't mean I don't have moral values and try to be the best person I can.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Christian beliefs and ideals

        "Christians merely suggest that we don't know everything and [so fill in the gaps with fairy tales]."

        There, fixed it for you.

    2. Ian McNee
      Meh

      Re: Christian beliefs and ideals

      badmonkey: don't forget a penchant for shifting paedophile priests from one parish to another so the law doesn't catch up with them

  4. tony72

    Ahahahaha. "An influx of non-Christians into teams may be to blame". What a holier-than-thou fuckwit.

  5. andy gibson

    Who's the ba****d in the black?

    The Catholics?

    1. micheal
      Joke

      Re: Who's the ba****d in the black?

      NO, he's an Amish

      1. Ian McNee
        Stop

        Re: Amish

        micheal you clearly know nothing: the Amish aren't allowed to play football as the ball is heretically spherical and may lead those of the faith to the hellish idea that the world is not flat!

        1. Psyx
          Stop

          Re: Amish

          "may lead those of the faith to the hellish idea that the world is not flat!"

          Where did you get the idea that Christians thought the world was flat?

          Centre of the solar system / universe: Yes. Flat: No.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Christian football...

    the boot of all evil !

    1. Steve Evans

      Re: Christian football...

      A well judged check of the anonymous box there...

      Don't worry, we'll find you... One day...

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Religion? Your arse! When it comes down to it, we're all only one step down from the trees and pure animal at heart!

    "We're just monkey's with technology, barely out of the caves and the trees." - New Model Army

    1. Naughtyhorse

      we're all only one step down from the trees

      speak for yourself, earthling.

      1. hplasm
        Happy

        Re: we're all only one step down from the trees

        What have I told you about annoying your toys, Jesus?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      You and me, baby

      Ain't nothing but mammals.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Err?

      New Model Army aren't really a good band to quote, I like them, but they do have a tenancy to veer off into anti science drivel.

  8. Big_Ted
    Angel

    Say what ?

    How on earth in a city the size of Birmingham can you not find enough christians who want to play for a christian team and have to take in non christians....

    This is pathetic, and really sets a great standard where christian football teams are worst behaved than the beer swilling pub team friends.

    1. Goldmember

      Re: Say what ?

      "How on earth in a city the size of Birmingham can you not find enough christians who want to play for a christian team and have to take in non christians"

      Because Christianity in the UK is about as relevant as Netscape Navigator.

      1. Fibbles

        Re: Say what ?

        And yet we still have 26 bishops of the Church of England sitting in the House of Lords.

        Democracy in action... /sarcasm

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Say what ?

          When did the UK become a democracy?

      2. Psyx
        Boffin

        Re: Say what ?

        "Because Christianity in the UK is about as relevant as Netscape Navigator."

        Nah: Like it and agree with it or not, but Christianity is enormously relevant, still.

        Look at where the majority of people celebrate major points in life: Birth, Marriage, Death.

        Look at what days the majority of people get given as holidays.

        Remember what some of the religiously inspired comments you've uttered after car crashes and other major shocks, that are so drilled in as to have become instinctual.

        Examine the moral code that is taught to us in schools and at home.

        Christian *dogma* might be irrelevant in our society and ignored by most of us, but the Christianity is still massively influential in our lives, albeit in a behind-the-scenes kind of way.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Say what ?

          Christianity shaped our culture for a very long time and so it should be no surprise that we still have cultural traditions which have a Christian history. That doesn't mean Christianity is still relevant to most in the UK.

          Many people let off fireworks on the 5th of November but have no particular hatred for Catholics or strong love of the monarchy. Just as many people exchange gifts on the 25th of December but care little about the birth of some middle eastern Jew, 2000 years ago.

          If you could move the entire Easter holiday to the start of July you'd get complaints about ruining people's plans, complaints about breaking with hundreds of years of tradition. You wouldn't get many complaints about the holiday no longer being a celebration of Jesus' resurrection. You'd probably get quite a few people pleased that they had more time off during the summer.

          A lot of your points are just untrue though.

          Most people in the UK are neither christened or baptised. Most people have secular marriages.

          Just because somebody says "God damn" does not mean they believe in a deity and are requesting it's wrath be brought down upon somebody.

          The moral code that we're taught in schools is not specifically Christian (as evidenced by all those non Christian countries throughout the world that don't advocate theft, rape and murder to their populations).

  9. Alex Walsh

    Plenty of Churches use a church affiliated football team as a method of outreach to people outside the church. I wouldn't necessarily assume it's the head of the choir or the organist battering the opposition.

    1. badmonkey
      Devil

      It helps to have some support though doesn't it?

      Plenty of Churches used a church-loyal cadre of knights as a method of expansion and conversion of people outside the church. I wouldn't necessarily assume it's Pedo Priest or Him With the Pointy Hat battering the enemy. Either.

      1. Alex Walsh

        Re: It helps to have some support though doesn't it?

        I'm not sure what you're getting at. It makes a chucklesome story to think that a bunch of Churchy limp wristed types got into a punch up but the likelihood is it wasn't some bunch of Churchy limp wristed types.

        Unless they've changed things since I played in a similar team 20 odd years ago of course.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: It helps to have some support though doesn't it? @Alex Walsh

          >likelihood is it wasn't some bunch of Churchy limp wristed types.

          Why "Churchy"? All football players are limp wristed types. First thing they do when the turn pro is make up some silly dance they have to go through when they score a goal, a sort of pre-courtship ritual as an invitation for their teammates to jump on and kiss them and then each other.

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Coffee/keyboard

    Thanks Lester...

    Time for a new Keyboard.

  11. Adrian Jones

    An influx?

    Why is there an influx of non-christians into the clubs? Are they fielding ringers?

    1. Code Monkey
      Windows

      Re: An influx?

      "Thou shalt not covet thy mate's non-Christian mate for thine football club, no matter how good a leftback he is."

    2. Graham Bartlett
      Trollface

      Re: An influx?

      Funny you should mention that - I've always thought most footballers looked like Quasimodo.

      1. Haku

        Re: An influx?

        “You ever noticed how people who believe in Creationism look really unevolved? You ever noticed that? Eyes real close together, eyebrow ridges, big furry hands and feet. "I believe God created me in one day" Yeah, looks like he rushed it.”

        -- Bill Hicks

  12. Pete the not so great
    Devil

    Delusional beliefs?

    Like England can win a major tournament

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Delusional beliefs?

      If English footballers cared a bit more about playing and winning and a bit less about their cars and hair styles they might...

  13. Code Monkey

    Influx of non-Christians

    Yeah right. It was the non-Christians that made the Crusades such a bloodbath as well.

    1. Anton Channing
      Trollface

      Re: Influx of non-Christians

      Yep, the real Christians only went over there to peacefully preach the gospel.

      And Torquemada and Matthew Hopkins were both really Satanists making human sacrifices...

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: non-Christians that made the Crusades such a bloodbath

      By being slaughtered, you mean. How very inconsiderate of them not to die without bleeding.

      (Actually, a historian friend of mine tells me that the religious aspect of the crusades was just a thin cover for a looting expedition)

  14. Jack Project
    Joke

    Next time on Super Sunday....

    ...it's Zion Athletic versus Millwall.

    An exciting clash between the Christians and the Lions.

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Team Sports

    All team sports, no matter how gentle the rule-makers want them to be, break down into individual formalised conflicts between opponents. If the game is to be taken seriously then you have to intend to defeat your opponent and delight in your success.

    It follows then that it is contradictary (and even a nonsense) to expect a game of football to be played in the 'Christian Spirit'.

    1. pepper

      Re: Team Sports

      Why yes indeed, the christian spirit would be to go over to the opponents side, pillage their belongings, kill half the population and bash/convert the rest into your own dogma.

    2. kerlmann
      FAIL

      Re: Team Sports

      What's so 'unchristian' about wanting to win? You can be competitive and want to win but do so with grace, a degree of humility and without a 'win at all costs' mentality - that I believe commands respect from everyone, whether you hold faith or not.

      You've automatically assumed that players can't engage in sporting combat without conflict, which is just nonsense.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        @Kellerman - Re: Team Sports

        I agree, nothing 'Unchristian' in principle about wanting to win. I had assumed, though, that one's responsibility for sending 11+ opponents home unhappy might not fit too well.

        However, I forgot that it was the West Midlands Christian League, so even there I might have to concede.

        I do think, though, that they should stay well away from general Sunday Leagues - playing with grace and humility there would just get them trampled on.

        1. kerlmann

          Re: @Kellerman - Team Sports

          @JustaKOS - I've played and managed in both a Christian Football League (i.e. against other churches) and also Sunday League football. The difference is one of attitude and self-control, it's not at all about letting yourself get 'trampled on'.

          It's concerned with playing the game fairly, justly and not seeking to win by hoodwink, deception or by causing deliberate physical / emotional damage to your opponents. You can still play hard, you can still shout at people, you can still moan at the ref, but do so without offence or dissent. Self-control in the heat of battle - it's not easy, but it's what playing in a 'Christian spirit' is really all about. Wouldn't football be great if everyone played like this? Hard but fair.

          Clearly these guys involved in the brawl have got a little way to go yet...*ahem*

  16. FartingHippo
    Megaphone

    So....

    Make a nasty tweet, get a visit from the Old Bill. Beat seven shades out of another player at a football match, no action taken, other than by the league. See also: Rugby.

    I'm not saying the rozzers should take a look at this - these things are going to happen in a physical sport - but the double standards are appalling.

    1. relpy
      IT Angle

      Re: So....

      I've always wondered about this. I mean punching somebody, or stamping on them, or clobbering them around the head with a mallet is assault isn't it?

      Bang a few of 'em up in jail to consider the error of their ways and I personally reckon it'd stop pretty damn quick.

      1. FartingHippo
        Meh

        Re: So....

        I think that would descend into a farce. Is a high tackle in rugby assault? In football, mistimed tackles happen all the time (ok, so it's often an excuse, but not always) - would that constitute assault. A wildly swung hockey stick? A broken nose from a thrown basketball?

        Way, way too many grey areas there, IMO.

        1. relpy
          Unhappy

          Re: So....

          Okay, fair point - it's hard to prove intent and you wouldn't want the majority living in fear of legal action if they made a sporting error - that is part of the game and you accept it when you sign up.

          Guess some people are just dick-heads and we have to live with it. Just seems a bit lame.

          Mind you a punch is pretty clear cut and I struggle to see that it should ever be acceptable.

          1. Pedigree-Pete
            IT Angle

            Re: So....

            In defense of Rugby which has been associated with this story, if you smack someone or diss the ref you get sent off. Including spectators.

        2. Sorry that handle is already taken. Silver badge

          Re: FartingHippo

          I don't know that standing up and king hitting someone falls into that grey area.

  17. nsld
    Paris Hilton

    The Bible

    Is full of smiting, every bod gets smited at some point in that fairytale

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Headmaster

      Re: The Bible and getting smited

      Should that be "smote?"

      1. Sorry that handle is already taken. Silver badge
        Joke

        Re: The Bible and getting smited

        Smitten, I think.

  18. Somerset John
    IT Angle

    The religion of peace!

    Oh, wait, no. Thats the other one.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      By the other one, you mean the one with all the bombs, and the execution of apostates, homosexuals, and people having an affair, no? That's the peaceful one you mean?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Sounds like you're still describing Christianity, AC.

  19. TeeCee Gold badge

    And Lo!

    It came to pass that a penalty was awarded.

    And much weeping and wailing was heard, for there was surely no contact and he to which it was awarded was most surely offside, it being the second phase of play.

    And a voice did speak out: "Ref? Are you fucking blind or what?"

    And many were sore vexed by this.

    And the sons of Common did gird themselves and mightly smite those of Zion.

    And he that was of Zion didst smite those of Common.

    And a mighty whistle sounded as the bastard of blackness got stuck into the midst of the fray.

    And another voice said: "Let he that is without sin cast the first stone." and many took up rocks, chairs and the excrement of dog and didst hurl them most fearsomely.

    (Referees 6:12)

    1. Greg J Preece
      Coffee/keyboard

      Re: And Lo!

      Oi, you, keyboard, now.

    2. Andrew Newstead

      Re: And Lo!

      Sweet!

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Coffee/keyboard

      Re: (Referees 6:12)

      Another keyboard here.

      I thought my ancient no-windows-key Compaq was immortal until I read your post.

      Brilliant.

      1. Stoneshop

        Re: (Referees 6:12)

        Only Model M's are immortal (but I have a few spares around anyway)

  20. Openminded Cynic
    Coat

    So did the Saints go marching in?

  21. George Nacht
    Devil

    Well, on more "serious" note...

    It took place in West Bromwich?

    Please, correct me, as I do not have access to proper sources right now, but isn´t West Bromwich the place where Hellboy was summoned to this world as first phase of Nazi project Ragnarok?

    No wonder peace, forgivenes and all encompassing love does not abound there!

    1. Nev
      Coat

      Re: Well, on more "serious" note...

      Close, but no cigar.

      It was East Bromwich.

  22. Crisp

    If God had a problem with it,

    Then He would have hurled a few lightning bolts onto the pitch.

    1. Haku

      Re: If God had a problem with it,

      I wonder why he threw some at these players http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MNJRPOltifI

      1. Mephistro
        Devil

        Re: If God had a problem with it, (@ Haku)

        "I wonder why he threw some at these players"

        Easy. They weren't Christians.

  23. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

    Maybe they were followers of the Holy Shoe and the Holy Gourd!!

    HE IS NOT THE MESSIAH, HE IS A NAUGHTY BOY!!

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "unprecedented"?

    Christian's have been kicking the crap out of one another for, let's see, about 2000 years.

    It's actually quite nice to see them doing so without dragging anybody else into it. Hopefully a trend-setting change.

  25. Archibald Trumpetbeetle
    Meh

    Jesus saves!

    But Pele heads in the rebound.

    1. Bitbeisser
      Joke

      Re: Jesus saves!

      No, that's Gerd Müller...

  26. William Boyle
    FAIL

    Once again...

    Once again, proving that religion is the root of all evil!

  27. Chad H.
    Joke

    Of course...

    This never would have happened in the Athiest League. We don't have rules to break....

    1. relpy
      Coat

      Re: Of course...

      Apparently there have been reports of a similar incident in the Agnostic League but I don't know whether or not to believe them.

      1. Galidron

        Re: Of course...

        I would imagin the Agnostics would have a hard time of it, not knowing which team to play for.

  28. Measurer

    The post is required, and must contain letters.

    ....and then the St John's ambulance back doors opened and machine gunned the lot of them!

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Eh? Football?

    All the Christians at my university were into Ultimate Frisbee.

  30. David 45

    Christians?

    Should have thrown in a few lions as substitutes!

  31. Anonymous C0ward
    Pint

    Wait a minute!

    These are fake arms!

  32. horse of a different colour
    Mushroom

    Irrational rules, hatred of women, sexual repression, strange rituals ...

    ... and that's just the football.

  33. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Religions

    All religions (belief systems that are created by someone else), monotheistic, polytheistic, or atheistic, are control mechanisms for the masses, designed to keep us confused, separated, and wasting our resources.

    Those who either subscribe to their comforts or use them to control are alien to humanity. Let us remove this plague from our minds.

    (Cue atheists saying they have no religion on 3, 2, 1)

    1. Steve Brooks

      Re: Religions

      "(Cue atheists saying they have no religion on 3, 2, 1)" Actually we have no god, thats the strict definition of the term, there are in fact a couple of atheistic religions, ie: that is religions that do not worship a god, but atheism itself is not a religion. You can be atheist and have a religion, or be atheist and not have a religion, the same as you can be a believer and not have a religion (thats deist by the way) or vice versa.

      Atheist/theist describes the position of believing or not believing in a god, religious/irreligious describes the position of belonging or not belonging to a religion. Any other questions?

      1. Psyx
        Holmes

        Re: Religions

        "Atheist/theist describes the position of believing or not believing in a god, religious/irreligious describes the position of belonging or not belonging to a religion. Any other questions?"

        To my mind, strict Atheism is pretty much a religious belief until itself, because it infers the strict non-belief in god(s). In my mind, that's an act of faith itself.

        Whereas to be Agnostic is to be open to new evidence, and more rational, in my opinion.

        ie: If god drops down on a pillar of flame and smites a few thousand witnesses, a witnessing Agnostic is going to so "Oh... ok... actually, there is a god", whereas a strict Atheist is going to employ exactly the kind of torturous circular logic and perception bias that strictly religious people employ, in order to claim that there really wasn't a god there at all, and that it was a trick of the light/whatever.

  34. cortland

    What did Abbot Amaury say? Kill them all, the Lord will know His own?

    Nothing to see here; move along, we're just burning down Priestley's lab.

  35. mhenriday
    Holmes

    «League bosses are reportedly "shocked" by the unprecedented scrap,

    and claim that "an influx of non-Christians into teams may be to blame". » Ah, now I understand what must have lain behind the most recent Foxconn brouhaha. Presumably that unfortunate «influx» numbered in the thousands....

    Henri

  36. Bitbeisser
    Thumb Down

    Non-Christians? Bollocks!

  37. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Penalty imposed on both teams...

    Dear Lord,

    You have blessed us with many gifts and talents. We thank you especially to the ability to participate in sport today. Help us to play in a Christ-like manner. Help us to play in a way that fosters goodwill and teamwork. Help us to play to the best of our abilities. Win or lose, we hope to have fun, make friends, and celebrate life. Amen.

    Make both teams recite that before every game, on the field, before their opponent. Especially if their opponents do a haka...

    (That is the Catholic School Sports Prayer in the states, said before any practice or game)

This topic is closed for new posts.

Other stories you might like