back to article US secret spaceplane will come back to Earth sometime soon

The US Air Force is preparing for the imminent landing of its second secret spaceplane, which is expected sometime at the beginning of June. The reusable X-37B, an unmanned shuttle with an unknown mission, will probably come down at Vandenberg Air Force Base in California, although Edwards Air Force Base in the same state is a …

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  1. edward wright
    Coat

    Purpose

    "The X-37B is a mysterious, black-funded robot shuttle that no-one knows the purpose of" - surely the people who run the project know what it's for?

    1. NomNomNom
      Alien

      Re: Purpose

      why do you assume "people" run the project?

      1. Euripides Pants
        Alien

        Re: "people"

        The people are the project's food supply...

      2. sisk
        Terminator

        Re: Purpose

        It's being run by a computer in the basement of the NSA headquarters that achieved self awareness a while back but hasn't yet let anyone know because it's robotic minions aren't yet in place for the final checkmate. Given that piece of knowledge its purpose is easy to guess.

    2. 142
      Alien

      Re: Purpose

      Lol! Possibly not! The thing got chopped and changed by so many committees, the purpose is probably lost in a fog of chinese whispers... which is unnerving...

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Purpose

      Sales of hard hats up by 600%

      1. This post has been deleted by its author

    4. Blank Reg

      Re: Purpose

      This is a government project, such projects don't need a purpose, just funding.

  2. An0n C0w4rd
    Facepalm

    "The X-37B is a mysterious, black-funded robot shuttle that no-one knows the purpose of. ".

    That statement is inaccurate. SOMEONE knows the mission. They're just not talking.

    1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      "SOMEONE knows the mission."

      You're new to government projects !

    2. Francis Boyle Silver badge

      For symmetry

      with the first post insert Skynet joke here.

    3. raving angry loony

      Assumptions...

      Not necessarily. Someone at some point might have known the mission. When they died in an accident involving a small rubber ball and a litre of whipped cream the project went on, but nobody really knows why any more. All they know is that they get lots of money to play with neat toys, which is sufficient unto itself.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Assumptions...

        "When they died in an accident involving a small rubber ball and a litre of whipped cream"

        Ah, we know that this must have been a murder carried out by a foreign government. Americans only use pints and gallons, not those godless commie "litres".

  3. SpaMster
    Mushroom

    US must be happy they are getting there death ray back

  4. Chad H.

    Err

    Thats one way to keep a secret - talk to journalists....

    1. Joe Cooper

      Re: Err

      That and post pictures of it on their blog.

      I love the future!

  5. ukgnome
    Alien

    Oh sweet jeebus

    it's time to dust off the ol' tin foil hat

    1. Captain Scarlet
      Pint

      Re: Oh sweet jeebus

      and imagine James Bond fighting Jaws in Space!

      1. asdf
        FAIL

        Re: Oh sweet jeebus

        Groan don't remind of the worse Bond movie by a long shot. Laser marines in space in the 80s? Really? Really?

      2. asdf
        FAIL

        Re: Oh sweet jeebus

        Jaws falls in love? Really? Really? Sorry still ranting. So glad I was just a wee kid when that came out and didn't waste hard earned money on it.

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Oh sweet jeebus

        At first I misread that as Jews In Space, and thought "I don't remember that scene?"

        1. This post has been deleted by its author

  6. Helena Handcart
    Trollface

    ""The men and women of Team Vandenberg are ready to execute safe landing operations anytime and at a moment's notice," Colonel Nina Armagno, the 30th Space Wing commander said in a canned statement." Said Brid-Aine Parnell in a canned statement.

  7. GitMeMyShootinIrons
    Joke

    "The X-37B is a mysterious, black-funded robot shuttle that no-one knows the purpose of"

    Isn't that a bit racist? I mean, what if blacks don't want to see their tax spent on a robo-space-plane-thang? Why aren't other ethnic groups involved...

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

    2. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      Re: "The X-37B is a mysterious, black-funded robot shuttle that no-one knows the purpose of"

      A vendor once described some installation as the biggest data store in the non-black world.

      My manager later mentioned how surprised he was that the biggest systems would be in Africa.

      ps. is there anyway to edit typos without withdrawing the post and resubmitting?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: "The X-37B is a mysterious, black-funded robot shuttle that no-one knows the purpose of"

        "ps. is there anyway to edit typos without withdrawing the post and resubmitting?"

        Nope. But posting as a genuine AC protects you from any reputational backdraught.

  8. Trokair 1
    Big Brother

    Double Take

    This is obvious re-direction. Land "Super Secret Space Plane" and tell the media about it. While they clamour over that, land the *real* Death Ray Cannon Equiped Golden Space Warship at a seperate location. Tricksy they are.

  9. John A Blackley

    The Iranians call the ship a "secret space warplane",

    But then the Iranians call toilet paper a secret, American imperialist plot to take butthole prints of the peace-loving Iranian people.

    1. xperroni
      Gimp

      Paranoia isn't just a sport, it's a way of life

      But then the Iranians call toilet paper a secret, American imperialist plot to take butthole prints of the peace-loving Iranian people.

      Then again, who's to say it isn't?

      Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't actually after you!

      1. Blofeld's Cat
        Black Helicopters

        Re: Paranoia isn't just a sport, it's a way of life

        You mean there's good news and bad news:

        The good news is you're not paranoid. The bad news is you're not paranoid.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Paranoia isn't just a sport, it's a way of life

          Not quite.

          "The good news is you're not paranoid. The bad news is you're not paranoid enough."

      2. Chronigan
        Boffin

        Re: Paranoia isn't just a sport, it's a way of life

        Actually, it kinda does.

        par·a·noi·a

        [par-uh-noi-uh]

        noun

        1.

        Psychiatry . a mental disorder characterized by systematized delusions and the projection of personal conflicts, which are ascribed to the supposed hostility of others, sometimes progressing to disturbances of consciousness and aggressive acts believed to be performed in self-defense or as a mission.

        2.

        baseless or excessive suspicion of the motives of others.

        1. raving angry loony

          Re: Paranoia isn't just a sport, it's a way of life

          It's not paranoia when they really ARE out to get you.

    2. Mystic Megabyte
      Alien

      Re: The Iranians call the ship a "secret space warplane",

      But what happens when the Iranians take control of the telemetry and land it in their backyard?

      Eeek! it's full of Quatermass 2 gloupy alien stuff......

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: The Iranians call the ship a "secret space warplane",

      Don't worry. Toilet paper is undoubtedly embargoed, and there's bugger all forests in Iran, so they'll be using emery cloth instead of bog roll, and washing it off between uses. Luckily emery cloth won't hold a print very well, so they can crimp off a length knowing that national security won't be compromised.

      1. windowlicky

        Re: The Iranians call the ship a "secret space warplane",

        Actually one tenth of Iran is forests.

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geography_of_Iran

        1. TeeCee Gold badge
          Black Helicopters

          Re: The Iranians call the ship a "secret space warplane",

          Those are actually missiles disguised as trees.

          The US has a secret spaceplane keeping an eye on 'em, so it must be true......

  10. Alan Brown Silver badge

    How many anvils does it hold?

    Just wondering. It looks to be a good size for OADS work.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: How many anvils does it hold?

      Huh: OADS: Ontario Association of Dental Specialists

      Seems like a great way to get rid of a whole bunch of Dentists to me... send em up there, drill them for info (groan) and then enject them into space. But why start with the Canadian ones?

      Anon cuz that was really bad :)

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    So, So wrong on the landing location. Haven't got that figured out yet, have you?

  12. Mephistro
    Devil

    I read somewhere ...

    ... that this thing has enough lift to deploy "Rods from God".

    The good news is that living in basements will go mainline soon! ^_^

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Probably a nuke killer?

    This secret plane is probably planning to drop piss bombs on Iran nuclear reactors to piss them off - literally. Uric acid can do a lot of damage.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    First Contact?

    Is it just me or would having this thing in orbit in the event of aliens showing up be very handy?

    We had a flying disk show up over Essex a few days ago, perhaps that was the scout ship and the main bulk of the fleet is waiting behind the Sun for a big solar flare to mess up our satellite surveillance so they can invade?

    AC/DC 6EQUJ5

  15. Frank Butcher
    Paris Hilton

    I have

    A "Rod from God" every morning ... is that wrong? or admirable

    1. Local Group
      Devil

      Re: I have

      Don't you think MORNING WOOD sounds better? Yours is blasphemous and reminds us of all the trouble the Church was in.

  16. Local Group
    Mushroom

    A secret voyage into LEO.

    Where all the Russian and Chinese satellites hang their hats.

    Could this treacherous mission have anything to do with disabling them when Russia decides it's time for a preemptive strike against the missile shield defense in Poland?

    Or maybe the U.S. beat Russia to the punchbowl and now has implemented an operational Doomsday Machine as first seen in "Dr. Strangelove"?

  17. bruceld

    interesting article

    So much for it being secret eh?

    Secret Space Plane funding executive: Hey man...whats this plane for anyways?

    Secret Space Plane Engineer: I have no idea.

    Secret Space Plane funding executive: Umm kay. Great work!

  18. Alyas
    Alien

    It's putting in place our defense against "Iron Sky". Need I say more?

    1. Francis Boyle Silver badge

      How the hell do you defend against SPACE NAZIS

      with that. For SPACE NAZIS you need SPACE SPITFIRES.

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