back to article Russian probe engines crap out on way to Mars

Russia's fourth attempt to reach Mars has run into trouble and is now stuck in orbit around Earth. Phobos-Grunt, which launched successfully last night, managed to make it into orbit, but has failed to fire its engines to get it started on its journey to Mars. The craft – Фобос-Грунт, or Phobos-Grunt ("grunt" means "soil" in …

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  1. Fractured Cell
    FAIL

    Ahahahahahahahahahahahah...

    That is all.

  2. Andy B 1
    Joke

    'Space Engineers'

    Surely that should be Rocket Scientists - it's not that difficult.

    Rev. Andy

    1. Thomas 4
      Unhappy

      Oh dear

      Looks like this probe didn't have enough grunt to break free of orbit.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Happy

      Space Engineers...

      ..or Space Cowboys

    3. Ammaross Danan
      Headmaster

      Any Fule Kno

      Ask as "space engineer" and they'll tell you that that there is no such thing as a "rocket scientist." It's a layman's term for mass media use.

      1. laird cummings

        Unless you're studying actual rocket engines... In which case, you *are* a rockect scientist.

        1. Dorobuta
          Linux

          Studying rocket engines - hmm, thermodynamics and Mechanical Engineering - maybe some fluid dynamics as well. Still engineering disciplines...

          1. laird cummings

            Only once they get to the practical stage.

            Before that, they're theoretical, and belong to the scientists.

            (being actually *related* to one, I've heard no end of it about the difference between science and engineering)

  3. TRT Silver badge

    Come on...

    the odds are slim getting the craft there to begin with, but the chances of anything coming from Mars are a million-to-one.

    1. Voland's right hand Silver badge

      The chances are milllion-to-one, but still they come

      You never know, Wayne and Wells may get the last laugh on that one.

  4. Miek
    Coat

    You get what you pay for eh ?

  5. bolccg
    Alien

    That Mars jinx

    ...is really potent? Haven't Russia never managed to successfully get a probe there, at like 16 attempts?

    Getting a bit unsubtle for those Martians to keep disabling stuff remotely (and presumably skirting the Spirit and Opportunity rovers as they trundle past)

  6. Alister
    Mushroom

    Oh well, back to the drawing board.

  7. Yag
    Alien

    The decade-old mars curse seems to go on...

    <joke>

    It almost looks like somebody don't want humans to peek around the red planet...

    </joke>

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Looks like Phobos lost its grunt (NT)

    NT means no text

  9. Mystic Megabyte
    Unhappy

    As it's full of fuel, if this thing collides with a satellite will we get rings like Saturn?

  10. Winkypop Silver badge
    FAIL

    What do you mean Vadimir?

    Did I put the fuel in?

    That was your job.

  11. JaitcH
    Unhappy

    Memories of the UK Beagle project come to mind

    It must be both frustrating and disappointing to have this happen, just as with Beagle, conceived by a group of British academics headed by Professor Colin Pillinger of the Open University.

    Let's hope this type of rocket failure doesn't happen on a Space Station trip - everyone is depending on them.

    At least the Beagle had a decent name, Beagle 2 was named after HMS Beagle, which twice carried Charles Darwin during expeditions - that was when Britain had a real Navy.

    1. I understand now
      Trollface

      Did it have planes?

      1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
        Holmes

        No, but I remember hearing that beagle was futzy and underfunded from the get-go. With half-arsed fixes right to last minute and everything.

    2. BristolBachelor Gold badge

      Was it also Beagle that relied on an air-bag landing system that was clasified by the USA, so they weren't allowed to know anything about how it operates, how to work with it, etc.?

  12. Tchou
    Pint

    3 Days to patch the damn program

    some techies are seeing real action these days...

    Good luck guys! I'd love a Russian spacecraft on Phobos!

    I'll drink to that obviously....

  13. Sureo
    Alien

    I'm just glad I'm not the computer programmer on that project.

  14. Andy Farley
    Alien

    Phobos...

    Wasn't that where Doom started?

    1. Audrey S. Thackeray

      Yeah, was thinking Phobos Grunts were the green chaps that got mown down early on.

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    How much of the 5 Grubles is R&D?

    I'd be interested to know how much of the budget for this sort of space mission is R&D, and how much is for building and launching the thing. In other words, if it fails because of a build problem, how much would it cost to build and launch another one (which might involve waiting for another suitable alignment of the planets a year or so later)?

    (Gruble = gigaruble, obviously, even though it sounds like a small copper coin used by mediaeval serfs.)

    1. rrevolverr
      Trollface

      grubles = стратобаксы

      sbucks = stratobucks. hello bros in rnd.

    2. rrevolverr
      Thumb Up

      grubles = стратобаксы

      sbucks = stratobucks. hello bros in rnd.

    3. rrevolverr

      what the, can't get to moderation stage )-:

      surprise

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    And the USA is suppose to depend on Russia to get Americans into space?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      The perfect is the enemy of the good

      Well, being stuck in orbit for a few days is better than exploding.

  17. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

    Quick Learners/SMART Mentors/Outstanding Great Game Players

    Oh, don't you just love that Sino-Soviet sense of fabulous theatre to draw attention to what they can do and highlighting the opportunities which abound in the magical east for alien space programs.

    1. gnufreex

      Say hello to Russians when they come there...

      on mars.

      I home you speak Russian little better than english.

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    3 days to patch....

    ..thank god it not Apple (or Oracle)

  19. Baskitcaise
    Alien

    Funny how that asteroid happened past at the same time, do you think someone is telling us something?

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Hmmmmmm

    So, it "Fails" on the same evening that an "asteroid" passes by at close range...

    It is the start of the invasion!

    - The one with the Origami Tinfoil hat plans in the pocket...

  21. Malmesbury
    Terminator

    Small point

    7 tons of hydrazine on that thing.

    USA 193 had about 1/2 a ton

    "Captain of the USS Lake Erie to the courtesy phone......"

    1. rrevolverr

      hydra zine

      makes sense...

  22. Don Mitchell

    Russian Mars Missions

    Fourth attempt? Mars-1 to Mars-7, Fobos-1 and 2, Mars-96 and quite a few others that were stranded in parking orbit and given some "Kosmos" or "Sputnik" designation. A few others, like the two M-69 orbiters, never made it to orbit.

    Mars-5 was essentially successful, it went into orbit in 1973 and carried out all its mission tasks (photography and numerous spectroscopic and space-plasma and cosmic-ray experiments). Fobos-2 entered orbit and performed some of its tasks, but failed before it could rendezvous with Phobos.

    Let's not forget that Russia's Soyuz/Fregat technology sent Mars Express to its destination. Mars Express consists of a communications satellite refitted with the backup copies of Mars-96's experiments. So there is considerable Russian involvement of the "pay no attention to that man behind the curtain" style.

    Fobos-Grunt failed to achieve three-axis orientation lock on the Sun and a bright star. Those sensors are redundant, so this may be a software glitch. It will be in range of special telemetry and telecommand stations in Baikonur Wednesday night, and they may be able to get a full set of housekeeping telemetry then. There is a small chance the mission can be resumed, if this is just a fixable software state.

    1. BristolBachelor Gold badge

      Latest tracking/telemetry give them approx. 2 weeks before the mission is lost, so with any luck the problem can be identified, corrected & hopefully tested before orbit correction burn.

  23. joshimitsu
    Meh

    It grunted its last

  24. rrevolverr
    Holmes

    to grunt away = просрать

    just love the sputnik's name. with all experience of the russian space industry in translating english, don't the english-speaking audience see anything exceptively strange in it? either it has absolutely no connection with mars, or - the russians have a "просрать" idiom = lit. "to shit/grunt smth. away". why the hell do russians/chinese need phobos exactly now? just ask yourself yourself.

  25. Paul RND*1000

    I have a set of jumper leads if they need to borrow them for a bit.

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Optional

    Phobos-Grunt: Russian for "D'oh!"

  27. Rick Brasche

    so there's still a chance?

    crossed fingers in hopes they can jump start the probe.

    Perhaps if they get it rolling they can just pop the clutch? :)

  28. DanceMan
    Coat

    Ex-Lada engineers located

    That is all.

  29. Dick Emery
    Devil

    It was hijacked by the small moon passing by the other night. The Martians are saying 'no more' to our Mars exploring shennanigans.

  30. Robert E A Harvey

    No-one noticed a sudden red beam from YU55 during launch, then?

  31. Figgus
    Trollface

    Grunt = Dirt?

    I swear, those darn foreigners have a different word for EVERYTHING!!!

  32. json

    well unlike old and spent satellites this one is loaded with toxic fuel.. I wonder how they can control its eventual descent since they can only receive comms one way (it they just get telemetry info and not sent commands)..if there's a chance that it will impact a city or something can they shoot it down once it reaches the atmosphere? maybe call up the good US of A and offer a target practice for the airborne laser perhaps?

    1. wim

      re entry ?

      would the fuel tanks survive re entry in the atmosphere ?

      1. rrevolverr
        Alert

        yes

        partially, if you consider fuel.

    2. Tchou
      WTF?

      You really think USA is more capable than others on this matter?

      US army is 50% made up marketing and 50% brute force.

      Good luck.

      1. rrevolverr
        Boffin

        parasite noise detected

        just keep the factory environment sane. once id mentioned there must be no journalists with their airing the video before the start, neither at the russian plant, nor in american. you don't expect anyone to poke nose into maternity hospital during delivery, do you? please space builders say you don't. otherwise your projects are at risk, too. i'll be damned if i don't know what im talking about.

      2. laird cummings
        Mushroom

        @ Tchou, 20:33 GMT

        Actually, the US Army has nothing to do with it - It's the US Navy that would do the shooting down, and they've got proven skills in the 'shooting down satelites' department.

        But the US needn't be the only call - the Spanish bought the same gear for their top-end air-defence warships, as did the Japanese.

        http://www.usnews.com/news/world/articles/2008/02/25/the-satellite-shootdown-behind-the-scenes

  33. Colin 4
    Alert

    What about the LIFE "astronauts" ?

    What about the Planetary Society LIFE experiment ? Spare a thought for the hardy Tardigrades, Conan the Bacterium, and all the other microscopic astronauts attempting to survive the journey ?

    Come on you Russians, where's the guy from Armageddon bashing it with a wrench shouting "this is how we fix things on Russian Space Station!" ?

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