back to article Stephen on Steve: The most important man on Earth

Legendary tech opinion-former Stephen Pie is currently in Mongolia filming for the dramatised bio-documentary of the life of J R R Tolkien, Not Another Fucking Elf – expected to be one of the mega-hits of 2012 – in which he plays the great writer's imaginary pygmy butler confidante, Boggy. However he found time to send us his …

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  1. Bluenose

    'He completely changed the way that human beings live'

    I thought that was the bloke who invented the Segway. Or was it the person who invented the house?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      twaddle

      "passion, and taste and belief are more important than a hard business head."

      Think this quote from the "National Treasure" sums it up. The idea that Jobs is not a hard-headed businessman first and foremost shows a complete lack of understanding of him despite Fry's supposed good fortune in knowing the man for so long.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I want an imaginary pygmy butler confidante

    Ah - I've just realised how easily I can have one.

    1. Psmiffy

      So you want

      an Oompa Loompa then? Just ask Willy Wonka for one, I think he may have some spare.

      1. Michael Habel
        Trollface

        Good

        then I'll be off to pack my Bags, and head off to Mountain View then....

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    the mouse ... clicking ... email, the web ... I could go on ...

    Please dooo...

    1. Uncle Slacky Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Nicely inserted...

      ...IT Crowd reference!

  4. Darryl
    Thumb Up

    Excellent

    Well done!

  5. adnim

    Mmmm

    Such sycophantic diatribe.

    I'm surprised he could be heard with his head so obviously lodged up somewhere very dark indeed.

    1. Chris L
      FAIL

      @adnim

      I don't think 'diatribe' means what you think it means

      1. adnim

        Yup

        You are right, my bad. I consider myself a little wiser.

  6. Len Goddard
    Facepalm

    pretentious burke

    Stephen Fry should go back to playing Jeeves - it is about the last half-decent thing he did.

  7. Chris 171
    Devil

    Pass me the sick bag....

    I appreciate Pie as much as the next man for his bredth of knowledge & comedic skill but ffs this is just sycophantic bum licky drivel.

    I dont 'do' apple and thank the deity of choice, if ony to prevent me from spouting shozbot like this once indoctrinated in to the cult.

    Mac users in years to come will start to grow back webbed fingers to help with the vagaries of mega multitouch, also willing to bet a few quid apple will be the first company to (rfid) chip their customers, you mark my words its coming and will be lapped up by the followers.

    Yes its Friday & Ive been to the pub, sorry you weren't there.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Mushroom

      "Pass me the sick bag...."

      Yes...and send ANOTHER my way as well please. Mines already full.

      What a load of crap.

      Next thing you know he'll be saying Stevie "Boy Wonder" Jobs invented the Internet! And we ALL know that it was Al Gore who invented that.

      Seems like he's just as much a megalomaniac as Boy Wonder.

      1. Will Godfrey Silver badge
        Unhappy

        Mind if I join the queue

        Anyone who thinks a purveyor of electronic *toys* is the mot important... {blah} is in serious need of a reality check.

  8. Lutin

    Don't understand

    Don't understand all the Fry-bashing on the Reg. Seems like an alright bloke to me.

    1. Chris Miller

      Ah, the seldom seen reverse ad hominem

      Just because I think he talks a load of twaddle sometimes, doesn't mean I think he's a bad person.

    2. adnim

      Fry is awsome

      I have a lot of respect for Mr Fry. Entertaining, observant, intelligent and witty.

      However, I stand by what I posted earlier regarding such sycophantic mumblings. It appears I have now been down voted by four people (jobbie lovers perhaps), whom so it seems, also have their heads firmly placed where the sun doesn't shine.

      <shrug>

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Mushroom

        @ adnim

        I didn't realise that you were always correct about everything.

        I apologise for impugning your obvious perfection by down-voting you (twice).

        P.S. not a Jobbie lover.

        1. adnim

          @Norfolk 'n' Goode

          I am pleased for you that you realise this now. Education is not a bad thing and It's good to feel that I have contributed to your learning.

          You perhaps now also realise that I am the most important man on Earth, which is why I took umbrage at such sycophantic twaddle in the first place.

          Apology accepted ;-)

          /removes tongue from cheek, awaits further down voting from those without a sense of humour. Perhaps I should just quit while I'm ahead.

    3. Adam T

      He is a nice bloke

      But he pretends to know it all, whereas in reality he just has a lot of bookmarks. To wikipedia pages.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        @Adam T

        "But he pretends to know it all, whereas in reality he just has a lot of bookmarks. To wikipedia pages."

        Which we can all see when the autocue fails and he starts trying to explain how the internet works.

    4. NoOnions
      Paris Hilton

      @Lutin

      The problem with Fry is that he comes across as a total Apple Fanboi. It's as bad as when film or pop stars come out and support a particular political party. Their view is given far more weight than it deserves.

      Stephen is not a tech expert - he can afford and likes shiny tech products. I'd love to be in his shoes - but the mainstream press seem to think that if Fry likes it (as he has 'a brain the size of the planet'...) then what he utters is gospel.

      He's great on QI, I own an iPod - however - I can (and have) dropped my Blackberry without the screen breaking - can't say the same for iPhones. Apple stuff is nice, but over-rated IMHO.

      Regards,

      NoOnions

    5. Charles Manning

      That's Fry's brand

      He spouts his views on everything and his fans lick it up.

      Clearly though he is completely disconnected from the real world where boring stuff like finding food and surviving disease is far more important than shiny pixels.

      1. NomNomNom

        n

        dont forget surviving the zombies. I bet the posh place he lives has no zombies

  9. Chris Miller
    Joke

    How very dare you!

    Don't you realise that, without Saint Jobs, we'd all be using tablets with *square* corners!!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Devil

      Well, not quite..

      We'd all be using tablets with rounded corners, a menuing system using icons and not getting sued for infringement of St Steve's intellectual property rights.

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Stop

    Stephen fry vs author of this article

    Stephen Fry is way more interesting to listen to, and makes a lot more sense than this pathetic parody article claims.

    Im not a Fry fanbois, but this article is cheap in the extreme. Why not just put a link to his radio interview, instead of attempt to write it up as a half-assed article?

    Possibly you could have spent your time better by doing some actual journalism?

    Where is the well needed icon for "This article must contain content and or news"?

    1. mr.K
      Paris Hilton

      New here?

      So you are new to The Register, get over it and move on. Nothing to see here.

      "This article must contain content and or news"

      What? Since when? I think I speak for all of us when I say that the only thing we expect from any article here is that there has be to be a Paris Hilton angle.

      ps: There seems to be a link to the radio interview at the bottom.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        "you are new to The Register"

        about 8 years now.

        "I think I speak for all of us"

        you think wrong.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        on behalf

        of all anonymous cowards: we hate you. You think you are all clever with your stupid names. well ur not

  11. Tom 7

    How embarrassing

    Though in 20 years Fry will still be remembered well but Jobs wont be - alas a new cult will have arisen by then and Fry will be spouting about that...

    1. ThomH

      Because we're already more than half way to forgetting Bill Gates?

      Steve Jobs was one of the pioneers, on the front line during the early period when people were first pushing the radical idea that computers should be usable by anyone and sold to everyone. Whether you think he was unique or not, he was a suitably prominent member of a sufficiently small number of people that his position in history — like those of Gates, Sir Clive, Jack Tramiel and several others — is secure.

      1. Noons

        you shall not be forgotten

        To safeguard his memory, I propose we name a unix command after him.

        1. TeeCee Gold badge
          Happy

          @Noons

          Oh come on! You should know by now that there's already a unix command for absofuckinglutely everything. You just need to look it up:

          jobs [-lnp] [job]...

          List information about each given job, or all active jobs if job is not specified. With -l, list process IDs in addition to the normal information. With -n, display only jobs that have stopped or exited since last notified. With -p, list only the process group. See the "Jobs" subsection for a description of the format of job.

          1. spiny norman
            Joke

            @teecee

            I'm guessing Mr/Ms Noons knew that.

            It's a shame that the joke alert icon is so necessary, as it generally spoils the joke.

  12. thesykes
    WTF?

    what drugs?

    He must be on drugs, copious amounts of them.

    1. Andus McCoatover
      Windows

      "He must be on drugs"

      Moe importantly, does he have any left?

  13. Sir Cosmo Bonsor

    Hmmm pie

    *drools*

  14. David Pickering
    Thumb Down

    title

    whatever

  15. Adam T

    Shirley he meant to say...

    'He completely changed the way that human beings -dont- live'

    I think that's the correct expression for zombies.

    (need a zombie icon...i won't sully Paris)

    1. Reading Your E-mail
      Joke

      agreed

      ...but don't call me shirley

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    That luvvie is going the way of Amy

    By god Fry, what are you talking about?

    Homo loving or what?

    Oi! Steven, cut it out.

  17. IR
    WTF?

    WTF?

    Seriously, WTF?

  18. This post has been deleted by its author

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: 'He completely changed the way that human beings live' (?)

      I think it is clear that the article is a parody, with a link to the real thing - the interview at the end.

      1. Arctic fox
        Megaphone

        RE "I think it is clear that the article is a parody"

        Weeell, now you mention it, there I was all excited at the prospect of seeing "Not another fucking elf" and now I feel all let down.

        On a more serious note it is quite clear that Stephen Fry really *does* believe that Steve Jobs has "changed all our lives". Er, no he hasn't, he has made some shinies that can only be afforded (in common with other high-end shinies from other companies) by a small minority of our fellow earthlings. If he had done something like invent a permanent cure for malaria and/or AIDS then we would be talking about something that *really* had planet-wide impact upon the lives of a huge number of our fellow earth-dwellers. It is not only that Mr Fry's opinions on matters outside his own field often are so gushingly twee, they are also so fucking western-world middle class head-up-own-bum parochial.

        1. Arctic fox

          RE My Post regarding Stephen Fry

          I should also say that I also genuinely like the guy as a comedian and an actor, got a lot time for him in fact. However, almost every time he opens his mouth and starts to pontificate it gets right up my nose!

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    As if

    If only Stephen Fry didn't carry an Android phone around with him, along with his iPhone. Such is his lust for technology.

  20. J 3
    Trollface

    completely changed the way that human beings live

    I started fuming about that, but then I read the first few lines of the "article" and suspected someone was pulling me leg. The other one's got bells on! By the way, signing "Team Register" was a bit cowardly, Mr... ;-)

    But then I got to the end and there is a hint that it's actually not so fictitious! I'm afraid to listen. Don't have the time now, anyway, since I should be, er, working...

  21. Giles Jones Gold badge

    He's a technology fanboy

    Why all the Fry bashing? sure, he loves his Apple kit but he owns tons of gadgets and phones. Android, Apple and probably WP7 as well.

    There's plenty of people who have never experienced anything other than the platform they're a "fanboy" of.

    1. David Webb

      Nope

      He detests Windows to the point that he won't even bother reviewing them, he'll just say "I can't use this OS, it's not OSX" and be done with it. He rated a Viao as "crap" purely because he couldn't work his way around the OS to do really simple stuff.

      I like Fry, he's funny, but he really shouldn't be discussing tech if he can't be objective. We all know Ive is the real genius at Apple, Jobs is just the dude that made billions outta it.

      1. Jazz Kilkullen
        Alert

        He rated a Viao as "crap"

        "purely because he couldn't work his way around the OS to do really simple stuff."

        Shocking! COMPLETELY unrealistic expectations on his part. I bet he thinks that with a smartphone it should be easy to figure out how to make phone calls.

  22. David 45

    Rubbish

    I have just two words - "pretentious twaddle", which I think just about sums it up.

    1. TeeCee Gold badge
      Coat

      Re: Rubbish

      You only have "pretentious twaddle"?

      Are you Stephen Fry in disguise?

  23. Armando 123

    Just me?

    Could this be improved if they added snarky comments from Rich Hall and Jo Brand? (I know some people don't find Jo funny, but Fry seems to be her perfect foil on QI.)

  24. Seanie Ryan
    Thumb Down

    Crap

    "We are following up unconfirmed reports that Steve Jobs is actually still alive."

    Bad taste lads. Bad taste.

    Attempt at humour in this article is a major fail. Total crap. Very disappointed.

  25. GotThumbs
    Facepalm

    I want to Puke

    What people love to do is embellish the impact this "Salesman" had on the computing world. Jobs DID NOT invent the computer...He didn't even design or build the AppleI/II computers. It was Steve Wozniak who did. WOZ is the real genius behind the early Apple development. An example of Jobs true business ethics......He enlisted WOZ (a friend) to help with a project JOBS was responsible for when JOBS worked at Atari. Jobs proposed a 50% share to WOZ for helping with the project. Part of the deal Atari made with Jobs was a $100 bonus for each chip reduced from the final product. WOZ did the work after hours from his Full-time Job at HP and in the end, the bonus was $5,000. In 1979 this is a tremendous amount. Jobs failed (STOLE) to give WOZ 50% of the bonus. Jobs basically stole money from a 'friend' and passed the final product onto Atari as his own work. More recently, Jobs bypassed hundreds of patients awaiting liver donors. He is an unethical Salesman and is not worthy of respect...at least not mine. I understand companies are in business to make money, but lets not make the man appear as a god. He's a man with little ethics and more than willing to steal and take credit for work HE DID NOT DO. He didn't invent many of the products Apples sells, but He WILL take credit for it. Karma baby, Karma.

    Just don't drink the Cool-aid when Jobs passes on.

  26. GotThumbs
    Facepalm

    I want to Puke

    What people love to do is embellish the impact this "Salesman" had on the computing world. Jobs DID NOT invent the computer...He didn't even design or build the AppleI/II computers. It was Steve Wozniak who did. WOZ is the real genius behind the early Apple development. An example of Jobs true business ethics......He enlisted WOZ (a friend) to help with a project JOBS was responsible for when JOBS worked at Atari. Jobs proposed a 50% share to WOZ for helping with the project. Part of the deal Atari made with Jobs was a $100 bonus for each chip reduced from the final product. WOZ did the work after hours from his Full-time Job at HP and in the end, the bonus was $5,000. In 1979 this is a tremendous amount. Jobs failed (STOLE) to give WOZ 50% of the bonus. Jobs basically stole money from a 'friend' and passed the final product onto Atari as his own work. More recently, Jobs bypassed hundreds of patients awaiting liver donors. He is an unethical Salesman and is not worthy of respect...at least not mine. I understand companies are in business to make money, but lets not make the man appear as a god. He's a man with little ethics and more than willing to steal and take credit for work HE DID NOT DO. He didn't invent many of the products Apples sells, but He WILL take credit for it. Karma baby, Karma.

    Just don't drink the Cool-aid when He Passes.

    1. SuccessCase

      I chatted with Steve Wozniak

      About 12-13 years ago when he was working at Liberate (an Oracle spin off). He's a really nice and approachable guy. I didn't ask him about your assertion in particular, but i did talk to him about his past work and of one thing i'm certain. He doesn't hold the view or level criticism you do. I know who's judgement I would rather believe. And BTW In the US queue length for transplants varies from state to state. Traveling to a state where you can get one quicker is not queue jumping. If you were in the same position as Jobs, I have no doubt you would do it without any qualms.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Thumb Down

      SuccessCase is right

      WOZ doesn't seem to regard Steve that way. And when WOZ found out about Steve resigning, he said: "He always wanted to get technology out of the way for people to get answers in their lives.I could never do it as well, but I always wanted to. He wasn't one day ahead of everyone else, he was 10 years ahead of everyone else."

  27. SMBalls
    FAIL

    wtf..

    ...is that moron smoking? He may know the ramblings of Plato, but he hasn't got a farking clue about tech. About time he got over it.

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    To quote the man himself ...

    "Sometimes there just isn't enough vomit in the world."

    (QI - Series 4 "Everything", comment upon hearing Clive Andersons buzzer "Everything I do, I do for you").

    Irony, doncha love it ?

  29. Morteus
    Devil

    And for my next trick...

    wow... this guy should be Cameron's next advisor...

  30. iancoop

    Parody? Pure spite.

    The bootnote is in very very poor taste. No, I don't have any Apple products or stock. Alas. Listen to Stephen's original message to make up your mind, instead of this, the worst Reg article, ever. It did make me register an account after years of reading anonymously.

  31. The elephant in the room
    Trollface

    So no takers for Pie's 100 Greatest Gadgets then?

    You know you will be watching if only to argue with the TV over a wet bank holiday.

  32. NomNomNom

    i

    i thought stephen fry was a cock until I heard this

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