back to article Chicago lawyer deploys distractionary dumplings

A couple of Chicago lawyers are engaged in an unseemly scrap over a busty paralegal, which one claims the other is using in court as a jubular distraction. Attorneys Thomas Gooch and Dmitry N Feofanov are facing off in a small claims case over a used car. Gooch has objected to the presence in court of Feofanov's assistant …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    All hail the power of boobies

    I've said it before and will say it again;

    Grown men turn into boys at the mere hint of a sight of boobies.

    And as it's friday I can say;

    was looking at mine just now in the shower........

    and yes there really girls on the internet, who do you think posts all the Cat piccys?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      @TOK 0: having just downvoted you I thought I'd explain

      If 1960's stereotypes of women as fluffy, cute and unfit for anything practical offend you (as they do I) then please don't imply men are base, drooling apes.

      I freely admit we can act pretty dumb at times, especially in groups, but under it all we really are not that simple[*].

      [*] YMMV unfortunately.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Pint

        You aware of where you've posted?

        Have you read the standard of posts whenever boobies are mentioned?

        Have a cold one.......

        Beer that is.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Devil

          @TOK 0: You aware of where you've posted?

          Ok, touche if not outright quietus.

          LOST: sense of humour. Much missed. Small, greyish, doesn't move much. If found , pump full of steroids and vitamins and send back to owner asap.

          (bonnet-of-sports-car icon. Well, that's what I thought it was).

          1. Steve Evans

            Sorry....

            Did someone say something, I got distracted by boobies.

  2. Bumpy Cat
    Childcatcher

    Dressed how?

    If that's what she's wearing in court, it's hardly that distracting. Looks like someone is just trying to find a reason to mention in court his liking for big breasts ...

  3. Fading
    Paris Hilton

    May I just say...

    This story is useless without pics.....

    That is all.

  4. Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
    Thumb Up

    Yeahhhh ;-)

    She's got that cute geeky / spectacles look going on too ;-)

  5. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

    Feofanov?

    Sounds Bulgarian...

  6. Rob Quinn
    Paris Hilton

    More like...

    she looks more like Mayim Bialik (Amy Farrah Fowler) from Big Bang and she's not the member of the cast that i'd call distracting, maybe if they had Kaley Cuoco there instead.

    Paris because i'd like to see Kaley Cuoco in similar video situation.

  7. Jaap stoel

    Seriously

    That is NOT a sexy woman. Claim dismissed on account of lack of cleavage.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Unhappy

    Holy god it's not her tits I'm distracted by.

    That face! Argh those glasses make her look like Groucho Marx !

  9. Richard Jones 1

    I Wonder Who Feels They Are Losing?

    At first I used to think that Judge Judy had the specially selected end of society. However this case shows that such litigants are really quite common in the USA. What the heck is wrong with the objector? Unless you read the news story first no one would even notice either of the people in the photograph on the linked page. Perhaps the case should be decided on its legal merits of the car's bumpers not on baseless considerations of someone's 'bumpers'?

    1. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

      Re: I Wonder Who Feels They Are Losing?

      It could be that she's a girl who happens to have big tits who wants to do a normal job, like any number of other girls of a wide range of cup sizes. Presumably the guy thinks she belongs in porn and has no business in a respectable line of work with those things on her.

      Shitbag.

      1. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

        It probably depends...

        ...on how she was actually dressed in the courtroom. The given picture of the young lady with her boss has her dressed in a somwhat conservative style. If this is how she was in the courtroom then you're right, this guy is a shitbag. However, we don't know that this is how she was dressed. Maybe she was sat there in a low-cut top, and mini-skirt, provocatively leaning forwards to display her assets, as it were, to all and sundry. The point is, we don't know. I suspect the truth probably lies somewhere between these two, but if this is so, then you have to wonder why someone trained as a lawyer would so blatantly grasp at straws in an attempt to gain an advantage in his case when he runs the risk of the judge finding him in contempt for it...

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Facepalm

          "I suspect the truth probably lies somewhere between these two"

          I should have known better than to try speed reading El Reg's Friday comments.

      2. Onyx26
        Joke

        Re: I Wonder Who Feels They Are Losing?

        Calm down dear!

      3. Ian Michael Gumby
        IT Angle

        @ Sarah Bee

        First, you have to question why she is wearing those Harry Carry glasses. (Its a Chicago reference...)

        While I don't know either lawyer, one has to ask why they are in small claims court and why would a lawyer bring in a paralegal to such a case?

        So please don't get your panties in a twist.

        And how is this IT related other than your porn reference cause everyone knows that Al Gore created the internet for porn....

      4. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        With all due respect

        Why is porn not considered a respectable line of work?

        1. Daniel 4

          Porn as a respectable line of work

          Personally, I do consider porn a respectable line of work - for people (women /and/ men) who want to persue that option, voluntarily. After all, a lot of people are willing to do all sorts of fascinating things and broadcast it on the 'net for free - at that point, I know /I/ wouldn't mind getting paid for it.

          However, I sincerely doubt that someone who is accusing a woman of posing as a paralegal just to distract the jury is going to feel the same. No, I strongly suspect that Ms. Bee's comments are, in essence, correct. This supposition is lent support because few judges are particularly friendly to legal professionals who act in a such a grossly unprofessional manner - and dressing to deliberately distract the jury would most certainly count.

          -d

      5. Robert E A Harvey

        Go Sarah!

        I sometimes think that the last decade has seen a serious reverse in sensible attitudes to women. I call it the virtual burkha syndrome.

        For heaven's sake, no-one has ever suggested that I should stick to a career in Porn, and I would be offended if they did. No matter the qualifications, I'm a better engineer.

      6. Oninoshiko
        Joke

        respectable line of work?

        You are aware we are talking about attorneys, right?

      7. Daniel 4

        @Sarah Bee

        We don't always see eye to eye, and our senses of humor are so different that I've generally given up even responding to your comments. This time, however, I just have to say that I wish I could upvote you more than once.

        -d

  10. thefutureboy

    Further question having seen the picture

    Are those safety specs she is wearing or did she arrive on a motorbike?

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Black Helicopters

    What's with the comedy sunglasses?

    It looks to me as though Mr Feofanov is trying to make her look less attractive than she really is :-)

    1. Captain TickTock
      Devil

      Are pyjamas ok in court?

      Spawn of Satan? I thought it was a micro car arriving at speed...

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Devil

        @Captain TickTock

        Cannot unsee!

  12. The Nameless Mist
    Facepalm

    Simple Solution

    .. gay male jury.

  13. LuMan
    Coat

    Legal Terms

    Any chance we can have full discloth-sure...?

  14. Elmer Phud

    Make your mind up time

    Either she's not a proper paralegal or her breasts are there purely for distraction purposes.

    Non story unless the complianant makes his mind up abotn that he's actually protesting about.

    Next week -- Objections as a well-turned out man is objected to as he might distract the jury?

    Sexism, alive and well and the judge needs to give Gooch a fucking slap.

  15. Wanda Lust
    Meh

    Spectacular crime

    The fake & these 'make me look smart' spectacle ruse is the bigger crime. Obviously, the Americans fall for it hook, line & sinker - just look at Sarah Palin.

    1. Bah Humbug

      The title is required, and must contain letters and/or digits. - for the love of god, why??

      > just look at Sarah Palin.

      I'd rather not...

  16. TeeCee Gold badge
    Coat

    Judge for yourself?

    We need the "after" pic.

    That's after she's removed the specs, shaken her hair out (coincidently allowing her shirt to gape in the process) and the Leading Man has said; "Why! Ms Atencia, you are beautiful."

    The unexpected plot twist here is that she's not a librarian.

    Hollywood studios wishing to avail themselves of my scriptwriting services may reply below.....

    1. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

      Re: Judge for yourself?

      God, it's a depressing world.

      1. The First Dave
        WTF?

        @God, it's a depressing world.

        Indeed it is, but what did El Reg expect the reaction to this story would be? Don't like, don't post.

        What's more, posting the story when it is only half way through, ie before the Judge has answered the question, does make it inevitable that people will fill in the blanks in different ways, and therefore see the story in very different ways.

        1. Jim 59
          Stop

          Case

          Presumably the objecting lawyer thinks this ruse will strengthen his case. Seems unlikely. If the paralegal was really behaving innappropriately, the judge would notice and chuck her out. Court rooms are pretty strict places.

          Don't like these new icon thingies.

          1. Pigeon

            Appendto[Case,<post]

            No!, new icons cool.

            Anyway, I went to a small claims court in UK once, and it did'nt have a jury. Good ol' Cook county take their courts seriously.

  17. Lamont Cranston

    What a lovely pair

    of spectacles.

    Actually, no, they're horrible.

  18. HP Cynic

    Big and round

    While she is clearly carrying substantial assets she's in no way dressing to draw attention to herself/them in the attached picture.

    Those ridiculous frames which are very distracting though and I move that she be removed from court immediately!

    1. Rentaguru
      Coat

      I move

      that she be removed from clothes

  19. Anonymous South African Coward Bronze badge
    FAIL

    Bored pic is...

    ...bored. *Yawn*

    Expected a better peektur with lots of cleavage.

    Fail.

    1. Pigeon
      Big Brother

      I kno where you live

      or used to live. Hmm... which icon

  20. WorkingFromHome

    Dirty bugger

    Does rather seem that old Thomas Gooch is really saying that he's such a complete perv that he can't keep his mind on job in hand.

    Surely you don't go out of your way to advertise that fact you can't do your job?

    1. Lamont Cranston
      Coat

      "job in hand"?

      That really would be contempt of court.

  21. NoneSuch Silver badge
    Coat

    That photo is the worse...

    ..."Where's Waldo" impersonation I have ever seen. Or is it a Harry Potter tribute???

    Whenever legal issues get distracted by inane crap like this you just have to shake your head and wonder.

  22. Peter Kay

    Smacks of desperation to me..

    I find it unlikely that this is anything other than a diversionary tactic.

    There are usually rules about how to dress in court and

    I'm sure that doesn't include substantial amounts of cleavage

    She just looks like a suitably dressed woman from the picture. Women have breasts,

    many of them quite large - it's not exactly rare.

    Even if she has an ample helping of devils dumplings, there's

    this commonly used feat called 'self control' most of us have..

  23. LaeMing
    Flame

    Send her to Australia!

    Small boobs are (apparently) a legal problem down here!

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Meh

    With lawyers like these

    I feel sorry for the people who hired them.

  25. Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

    Big Tits?

    I've got bigger tits myself, and they're not mammary glands either.

    Where the hand grenade "suck on this" icon gone?

    1. Pigeon

      No Handgrenade

      Oh, yes,1. You have to blow the whole village to hell now.

  26. Anonymous John

    As my old granny never stopped saying.

    Never trust a woman whose glasses are the same size as her jubs.

  27. Diziet Sma
    Pint

    And the daily mail is comparing her to

    Christina Hendricks....

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1391193/Thomas-Gooch-objects-busty-woman-court.html

    It's possible I guess but hard to tell given the photo. Clearly she's not dressing like that at the bench or there'd be no complaints anyway.

    1. Steve Evans

      Christina Hendricks....

      Oh... No... sorry, I've gone again.

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Just because she's got an impressive set of boobs

    doesn't mean she can't be a qualified paralegal. Where is the accuser's evidence?

  29. Mark Berry
    Paris Hilton

    Never underestimate......

    A puritans desire to indulge (secretly of course) in the very things they condemn.

    Paris, well, she has plenty of distractions.

  30. Martin Howe
    Meh

    Non story

    In picture as given, she looks like any other lawyer, or banker or stockbroker or whatever. Dressed smartly; although she quite clearly would look beautiful under the business suit and glasses, she's not making anything of that in this image.

    If dressed improperly in court, that's a matter for the judge. Move along please, nothing to see here.

  31. The Beer Monster
    Joke

    Atencia-n seeking

    That is all...

  32. IsJustabloke
    Facepalm

    I refuse to enoble a simple forum post!

    WFT is the story on those glasses?!?!?

    She cannot expecting to be taken seriously while wearing those things?

    Dear God, I couldn't look at her long enough to even see her jubblies because of the specs.

  33. Uncle Slacky Silver badge
    Joke

    You could say...

    ...they've opened doors for her!

  34. Mike Flugennock
    IT Angle

    M'eh...

    ...it's kind of hard to tell from the foto at the Sun-Times. I'm sure her boss had her dress a bit frumpy on purpose for that foto, adding the dorky horn-rimmed glasses to make her look more "lawyerly". I need to hit Google Images to see if there's any other fotos of her that show her a little more clearly.

    Speaking of which... whatever happened with that other woman -- in NYC, I think it was -- who worked at a bank, and who sued her employer claiming her boss tried to fire her for being "too hot". I forget her name, although she did go on to be known simply as "the Hottie Banker". Gawker covered that story extensively, complete with fotos which plainly showed her to be -- shall we say -- titanic.

    Where's the IT angle? Ask me if I care. Ph'waahhrrrr.

  35. Mike Flugennock
    Childcatcher

    So, I hit Google Images just now...

    ...and it wasn't much help. An exact-phrase search on "Daniella Atencia" gave me about fifty different copies of that same foto from the Sun-Times, sized and cropped in various ways, so I guess we'll never know for sure.

    Regardless, it seems the complaining attorney is simply clutching at... uhh, straws... in an attempt to muddy the waters.

  36. Zippy the Pinhead
    WTF?

    Its Small Claims Court?

    What are lawyers doing arguing in small claims court?

    1. Daniel 4

      This is not a title

      Actually, attorneys end up in small claims court more often than you would think. To begin with, anyone can file a claim in small claims court, including an attorney. Second, while individuals usually file claims and represent themselves, businesses which find themselves defendants in small claims court usually find themselves needing a paralegal at minimum, and often a full attorney. Finally, in every jurisdiction of which I'm aware, there is nothing preventing either the plaintiff or defendant from seeking representation if they so choose. Since an individual unschooled in law is at a distinct disadvantage against an attorney, this frequently results in both parties retaining counsel even in small claims court.

      -d

  37. txGreg

    she's also his wife

    FWIW, http://preview.tinyurl.com/3qdkku6

    "In addition to her paralegal duties, Foefanov said Atencia serves as the office manager, secretary, and bill-payer for her husband's one-man law practice."

  38. skeptical i
    Thumb Down

    Judge should recuse her/him- self

    Really, how can anyone take seriously anything that Gooch will say after hearing that load of cobblers? Is it too late for his client to get a refund?

  39. Peter Murphy
    FAIL

    I hereby move a motion to disbar Mr. Gooch...

    ... for making an ass of himself over the size of someone else's assets.

  40. John Smith 19 Gold badge
    Unhappy

    I was anticipating inappropriate clothing to emphasise the distrations.

    *Disappointed*.

    Suspect lawyer deploying red herring defense. Client *very* guilty.

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