Microsoft offers $300m for web-washing ad campaign

I know the one they'll chose

'Live Live(TM)'

How clever is that. If they don't come up with that one for $300m i'll feel let down.

Live search

Live search. Like the name says, it takes as long to get a good result as if you, a live being, were searching by hand!

What happened to The Beast

Since when did you stop referring to M$ as The Beast. This over sight is unsettling, we should never forget who the enemy is.

Jinglelicious

Microsoft Live...

[a] We're not dead yet! (a la Python)

[b] Not as bad as you heard.

[c] Quite useable, really.

[d] A compelling solution for...forrr...ummm...

[e] Like almost using Office!

[f] You have to admire our nerve for pushing this stuff...

[g] Exciting product with a name more accurate than "Works".

[h] We take your money more slowly (giant sucking noise now a pinhole leak).

Be all you can be

To paraphrase Karen Dunbar -

"Windows LIve - Its the Best We Can Do"

Sums it up for me

OK, how's about...

"Windows Live Services - now the Internet can be just as f***ed up as your PC."

or

"Windows Live Services - trying to flog the pointless to the clueless."

or

"Windows Live Services - finding innovative new ways to miss the Internet boat all over again."

or

"Windows Live Services - all your shit are belong to us."

or

"Windows Live Services - too incompetent to do any evil."

or I'll get me coat shall I?

Microsoft ad.

Microsoft Live and let die.

Buy Vista......

Or the chair gets it!

I am sorry

even for three million can't think of a thing.

How about ...

How about ...

"Just use us. You know we will destroy the competition anyway so you might as well."

or better still:

"Microsoft Paris Hilton Gets Her Tits Out Live".

Microsoft Live Services

Yoof version:

Microsoft Live Services - It sort of, y'know, "does stuff"

What PR thinks is yoof:

Microsoft Live Services - How Cool is That?[TM]

Realistic version:

Microsoft Live Services - Like Google, but from Microsoft!

My opinion version:

Microsoft Live Services - Who gives a shit!

Wrong name, implys blame

Should have called it something catchy and hidden the branding like find.com, iwant.com or gimmie.com

then the video marketing campaign of a man in front of a screen with the site open, cursor blinking in the search box.

thinking of all the possibilities the web has to offer he finally types ... 'porn'

his little face lights up as the results come back and the tag line reads

'we know what you really want today'

Installation

Microsoft Live: Now please restart the internet to complete the installation.

Hand me the cash now please...

How about:

Windows Live - It may be difficult to use, but at least it's slow.

:)

Use the huge windows installed base to get

Windows Live - More Porn for Windows Users!

live, its better than altavista

live, fashion victim 2.0

Live, the comedy version of your desktop apps now appearing at weddings, birthdays and bar mitzvahs!

campaign slogan

Windows Live, when AOL isn't sufficiently useless!

$300m please.

Windows Live - it's what your PC has been waiting for.

(Literally.. ever since we installed a sneaky trojan on your machine during a Windows Update last year, a clock has been ticking. We = teh sneakeh)

Windows Live - Get it before we install it on your machine anyway as an upgrade.

Windows Live - now with added Facebook.

Windows Live - how do you use yours?

Windows Live - better than Windows Dead.

Windows Live - we spent $300m advertising this, ogle the models and buy into the spin or the next $300m we spend might have to go on actually producing a decent product.

How about:

"Windows Live. It's crap, you don't want it, but it's bundled with the O/S and YOU CAN'T TURN IT OFF!!!!! BUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!"

"Windows Live. We didn't really want to make this, but Intel give us a shed-load of cash to come up with things to sell faster CPUs."

"The Internet. Some people think it could be safer. Some people think it could be better presented. Some people think that it could be easier to find what you want. We agree. But we only had fourpence and twentyfive minutes to spare. Windows Live."

"Windows May Be Broken ...

... But that makes us a Breath of Fresh Air"

Honesty in advertising?

I doubt it!

How about

Windows live - crapping in the hand that feeds IT.

Windows live - now you can wipe with both hands.

Windows live - Lets shake on it.

Windows live - I promise I won't cum in your mouth.

Maybe not...

Windows Evil - deals with typos

How about...

Resistance is futile, you WILL be assimilated (Win XP and 2000 only. Vista support soon(ish). Win 98 not supported. iMicrosoft iLive ifor iMac iavailable ivia iTunes. *nix version carefully compiled to cause kernel panic in 100% of *nix and Linux variants.)

No warranty supplied or implied. Unauthorised copying will result in demonic possession of your children (Effects of this are not apparent in teenagers)

Windows undead

Windows Undead is here (and as soon as SP1 arrives it might even work)

You must restart your computer to complete the downloading of your search results

Slogan

M$ Live - The Interweb Searches You.

M$ Live - Because we will break everything else.

M$ Live - Extending the WORD.DOC monopoly again.

M$ Live - Because "Good Enough" is what we say it is.

Has anyone tried it yet?

Windows Live - When someone sends you a message you can view it without having to install some stupid application to your page first, allowing third parties access to your private data, which you can't delete

Windows Live - Might look boring but it does work

Windows Live - Hey at least it's not Apple

Windows Live - We only use your information internally unlike other services we could mention

Windows Live - Be Different, everyones on those other sites

Windows Live - No ones ever been invited to be turned into a zombie on live

Windows Live - Unless your a Mac user, you'll find the apps / interface really easy to use, if you are a Mac user look over there, it's shiney, look at it sparkle, pretty

Windows Live - Has anyone actually tried using it?

Windows Live - Allows grandma to see photos of their grandchildren

Windows Live - For people with real friends who don't need to have 200+ fake online pals to play with

Windows Live - It's like Radio 2, all the services you used to get from that trendy Radio 1 place, but for grown ups

I think a Jingle would help

Remember that great song from Opus in the 80's?

Live is Live

na na na-na

Going to F!@# you Life

na na na-na

Can't find shit on Live

na na na-na

And we all have the power

to resurrect the dead

Every minute of an hour

We'll remind you what we said

And you all get the power

When you find the results are dead

When everyone gets nothing

And every song Billy sings

Live is Live

na na na-na

Going to F!@# you Life

na na na-na

Can't find shit on Live

na na na-na

I think they should spend the $300M on improving the existing software they force down consumer's throats

Just Do Evil...

There - that'll get past trading standards ok.

How about...

Windows live! We've patented brainwave technology, so you're going to be using it one way or another. And be sure to check out our newest product line: Windows Live JediMind trick! Well, nevermind... you're going to be using that one way or another too...

Windows Live

We can spend $300,000,000 on a new slogan for an old product. Now think about how much we probably spend on lawyers. Don't badmouth us.

I wish Live would just die

Windows Live .. Looks like google but works like shit

All I've got

Windows Live: It's live Jim, but not as we know it.

Should be able to get a monkey joke in here somehow ...

Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil. Just do it.

give them confidence

Windows Live : Built on Vista Technology

based on that, it bound to go down a treat

OneCare...

Windows Live (W)OneCare - more than just a knuckle shuffler...

Windows Live: the future of search!*

* We'll be bundling it in the next service pack so you won't get a choice.

Windows Live: Silverlight is almost not ActiveX

Windows Live: Silverlight is almost not ActiveX

Not really relevant but I still haven't figured out Silverlight yet and I just pray it's not activeX so I thought I throw it in to be stupid... MS should not be too upset about that!

Windows Live: No more desktop, just a Silverlight Pane - yay!

Windows Live: Silverlight, the death of the desktop, yay!

those last 2, because someone at MS will eventually say it!

Yet More...

Windows Live: Search for dummies^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H Search-ing for dummies.

Windows Live: Seek and ye shall....▓◊♫≠ž䇷㓪øʰsX⅓¶ 404 NOT FOUND

Windows Live: An import paradigm shift in the redefinition of paradigms.

Windows Live: Bult by Copper Nanotubes.

And finally, with apologies to C.F. Gellert and Frances E. Cox:

1.

Windows Live! Thy terrors now__

can no more, O Page, appal us;

Windows Live! by this we know

thou, O Brin, canst not enthral us.

Alleluia.

2.

Windows Live! henceforth h-refs__

are the gate to Redmond's portal;

this shall calm our trembling breaths,

when we see ol' Google's stock fall.

Alleluia.

3.

Windows Live! for us Bill Gates__

indexed all the seedy content;

VISA in hand may we dictate

payment to his chosen extent.

Alleluia.

4.

Windows Live! our hearts know it;

Microsoft's our search provider.

Life nor death nor Torvald's shit,

tear us from their page-rank spider.

Alleluia.

5.

Window Live! to them the pit__

of the deepest hell is given;

may we go where they are gone

if we dare their algorithm.

Alleluia.

(The messianc imagery was too hard to resist.)

Hrmm

"When locked in, we will cash in"

(posted anonymously so they won't cancel my windows using WGA)

The Best Idea for Microsoft's Marketing Strategy

First of all, Microsoft needs way more than a friggin' slogan... they need to recreate their entire public image... and they're not going to do that by instituting a new slogan, they're going to do that by changing the way people perceive them from the ground up.

OK... think about it... what is "it" in regards to the Internet? Creativity, humor, opinions, insights... things provided by the little man. YouTube is more popular than ever and it's because of the input of average webizens... same concept with MySpace, and any other kind of blog website. People need a place and a way to express themselves and that is why MAC is so damn successful... the Mac marketing campaign is simple... it shows an "average guy" who just wants to be himself and do his own thing (a la the television campaign)... that's the Internet market.

So, Microsoft, until you start to begin to understand your market, you'll never get back on top... and my guess is that you won't, because you see it ONLY as a market and not as the individuals that make it up.

Here's an idea at a solution, if they're interested in one that challenges their paradigm... throw out all your high-dollar marketing bull crap and take the money and invest it in something that will show the little guy (that all of us miniscule components of this great, wide Internet market). Find some ways that you can encourage our creative spirit that aren't only fueled by your profit motive and see that when you encourage us to create and speak out and laugh and express ourselves, we grow to love you. That's why Mac users are so hardcore... we feel like Mac gets us.

So take 10,000 bucks and split it up in bundles of $500 and have some contests... get us to create or express ourselves or whatever... get us to make videos or put together funny Photoshop pictures or cool ass 3D renderings... award those who embrace the technology to express themselves... then we might not see you guys as a bunch of corporate suits, but, instead, someone who gets us.

GIVE IT UP, MICROSOFT... THERE IS NO SLOGAN THAT CAN REPAIR THE DAMAGE DONE TO YOUR PUBLIC IMAGE... YOU NEED A PARADIGM CHANGE!!!