back to article Berlin's renowned nightclub scene is showing signs of life. Just one problem: No dancing

Despite being capital of European coronavirus cup champion Germany, a question mark looms over Berlin's world-famous clubbing scene, where thousands used to dance, sweat, and bosh drugs together nightly. The issue here should be obvious – if you need a clue, it begins with C – so the city's techno temples are attempting a …

  1. Marketing Hack Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    While I have to say that I am always in favor of pizza...

    It's kind of buzzkill to turn your hip techno club into a neon-lit Pizza Hut.

    (Maybe the proprietors can hire Paris to show up. I think she still does the "appearance fee to make your club look cool" thing, even if she is getting close to being mom-age for some of the patrons.)

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Brick in a washing machine techno is the best techno.

    1. Chris G Silver badge

      While a brick in the washing machine will go some way to creating the right vibe, if Ibiza where I used to live, is anything to go by, rounding of the night really needs a kicking from an upset steroid enhanced security guy.

      Or is that just the White Island?

    2. Captain Scarlet Silver badge

      Hmm why do I feel you watch Photonicinduction!

  3. chivo243 Silver badge

    Now is when we Dance on Sprockets... in Stuttgart?

    Couldn't resist... sorry

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHZR9SA5pOg

    Or maksnel mit die artthings

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_Pt76Fm20Q

    1. Scotthva5
      Meh

      Re: Now is when we Dance on Sprockets... in Stuttgart?

      Touch my monkey

  4. Amentheist
    Trollface

    The Germans took the soul out of Detroit techno, now they'll take the soul out of clubbing.

    1. Chris G Silver badge
      Trollface

      Clubbing hasn't been the same since they banned all the baby seals.

  5. Simon Ward

    The Goodies predicted this in 1979 ...

    (RIP, Tim ...)

  6. Sparkus

    I personally would settle for 'just another beer garden' at this point.......

    1. Simon Ward

      I personally would settle for 'just another beer garden' at this point.......

      I'll settle for 'another beer' - I don't give a rat's ass about the surroundings, although on balance I think I'd rather be in Berlin rather than this pathetic excuse for a country.

  7. 89724102172714182892114I7551670349743096734346773478647892349863592355648544996312855148587659264921 Bronze badge

    The only way you'll get laid is by wearing a spacesuit, which guarantees not getting laid

  8. IGotOut

    But....

    How do I recreate the blokes having a punch up, the girl crying on the steps and and two others...one puking up and the other holding her hair.

    Oh forgot the guy telling everyone how he fucking loves you.

    1. Amentheist
      Happy

      Re: But....

      The rave will find a way!

      obligatory smiley face

  9. steviebuk Silver badge

    YouTube is the issue

    Others have been doing this for ages, JaBig being one of them, yet YouTube have started flagging their sets for music copyright violations which ruins it all.

  10. disgruntled yank Silver badge

    Sounds like nerdvana

    You mean I can go to the nightclub with the cool kids and have a perfect excuse not to dance?

    Because of America's odd relationship with alcohol, dancing has here and there, now and then been prohibited in bars. I remember reading of the college students in the 1960s somewhere in Ohio being allowed to do the hand-jive to the jukebox, but causing the owner to intervene with "You kids wanna lose me my license?" if they got up to dance. (OK, maybe it's America's odd relationship with alcohol and sex.) But I doubt anyone ever regarded Ashtabula, Ohio, as being as cool as Berlin.

    1. james_smith Silver badge

      Re: Sounds like nerdvana

      I'm reminded of my first visit to a US nightclub in San Francisco. Music too quiet to dance to in case anyone sued for hearing damage. Lights too dark for any atmosphere in case anyone sued for tripping over something. And a refusal from the bar staff to serve more then two drinks "in case you get drunk".

      1. IGotOut

        Re: Sounds like nerdvana

        And those dancing looked like they were trying to audition for "America's Next Dancer'

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I recreated the Berghain experience by standing outside my front door for 4 hours before my partner opens it and tells me i'm not the right fit for tonight.

  12. Kubla Cant Silver badge

    Guests and staff will be required to wear the now-ubiquitous face mask.

    At the same time as eating pizza and drinking beer? This I have to see.

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