back to article Iran military manages to keep a straight face while waggling miracle widget that 'can detect coronavirus from 100m away'

Spare a thought for Iran's long-suffering scientists today, who had to read the news along with the rest of us that the country's Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps claims to have "developed" a gizmo capable of detecting coronavirus... in five seconds. At distances of up to 100 metres. State-controlled media PressTV this week …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Was it the Iranians who were caught out by the mine detector a few years back which was just an empty plastic box with a metal coat hanger (or something like that)?

    1. PJ H

      This the one you're thinking of?: The story of the fake bomb detectors

      They were all bogus. But despite this, some are still in use today - in Iraq at checkpoints, to guard sites in Pakistan, and at hotels in the Middle East.

      [...]

      The fake "detectors" were little more than empty cases with an aerial which swings according to the user's unconscious hand movements, "the ideomotor effect".

      1. don't you hate it when you lose your account Bronze badge
        Black Helicopters

        This one's not empty

        It's actually packed with 5G tech

      2. The Man Who Fell To Earth Silver badge
        FAIL

        It's Iranian Science like this

        That is their largest impediment to getting nuclear weapons, not sanctions.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      re. Was it the Iranians who were caught out by the mine detector a few years back

      if I remember, it was quite a few UK-based, and other agencies and organizations, who were caught. And the catcher was, if I remember vaguely, a business-minded UK businessman, wasn't it? But it never became wildly known to the Western public, cause so many "top" orgs were caught, including, if I remember correctly, UN, and some parts of UK military, non?

      1. IGotOut Silver badge

        Re: re. Was it the Iranians who were caught out by the mine detector a few years back

        You can't a down vote, from I presume a former member of the royal engineers.

        From the linked article above.

        "...even charged the Royal Engineers thousands of pounds for useless cards that went missing from a trade fair at which uniformed members of the corps had been paid to help promote the bogus devices.

        Bolton's device, the GT200, was also backed by British embassies in Mexico City and Manila, through the then Department of Trade and Industry.

        "The involvement of UK government agencies in promoting this is very embarrassing and awkward," says Mr Sheldon, who was shocked to learn of the involvement of the Royal Engineers Exports Support Team. "

      2. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

        Re: re. Was it the Iranians who were caught out by the mine detector a few years back

        If they didn't work, would you still be allowed to sell them to Iran?

        A philosophical point, if a weapon doesn't work in the woods - does it still violate sanctions?

        1. Persona Silver badge

          Re: re. Was it the Iranians who were caught out by the mine detector a few years back

          Possibly it is ok from a sanctions perspective ...... but it's not a good sales pitch.

    3. katrinab Silver badge
      Alert

      Random circuit boards from TV remotes and things like that, with a radio ariel not even attached to it.

  2. Paul Cooper
    Facepalm

    Fools

    There's one born every day!

    1. EvilGardenGnome
      Unhappy

      Re: Fools

      And one kills thousands in the same period.

    2. Smooth Newt Silver badge
      Unhappy

      Re: Fools

      There's one born every day!

      Living in my own little world, where I am entirely surrounded by competent engineers, it is hard to believe that there are enough thickos out there to make a difference.

      But then I see how popular Trump is, and that brings me down to Earth with a bump.

      1. SundogUK Silver badge

        Re: Fools

        Obama killed more people than Trump ever will.

        1. Intractable Potsherd Silver badge

          Re: Fools

          Evidence?

        2. Dajve_Bloke

          Re: Fools

          That might be so, but the ones Obama killed were mostly of the brown persuasion, rather than Amerifolks. This apparently counts a fair bit to the supporters of the current incumbent.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    you may laugh

    but until an independent scientific review proves this device to be a fake, the verdict is out there (alongside, I dunno, trumpian claims that a certain virus might have not originated in a market, but in a military lab, pretty convenient narrative, but how do you disapprove it, especially when the Greatest Scientist and Intelligence Sourcerer says so). And, given that all scientists in the world are (directly or indirectly) sponsored by the Great Satan (bar a couple of folks in Iran), it PROVES any such review of this fabulous, Iranian device would not be "independent" anyway.

    p.s. actually, I'm disappointed, I thought this device would actually be a long-range microscope, able to detect virus(es) from up to 100 m away :(

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: you may laugh

      to clarify, I think their claim is as clownish and just as out of their hairy arse, as the text makes it look. That said, it would be great fun if it turned out in the end that such a device actually works (as advertised), if only to shake our firm belief they're stupid bearded men in funny turbans running around a desert scenery on a bunch of camels and waving, what else but the good old ak47s. OK.

      going back to a more serious level, what would be the point of such tv farce, I wonder? Presumably, addressed at their own population? But then, I had an impression, their population has already grown pretty immune and cynical to whatever their authorities proclaim so... who else might be the target audience? Or is it just a cheap and cheerful propaganda shot at those in the region who look up to Iran as their ultimate saviour?

      1. Mark 85 Silver badge

        Re: you may laugh

        going back to a more serious level, what would be the point of such tv farce, I wonder? Presumably, addressed at their own population?

        Power? Control? Much like the super warplanes they've shown of late.Gotta' keep the masses under control somehow.

        1. JassMan Silver badge

          Re: you may laugh

          Maybe it's a state sponsored April fool's joke. They just failed to notice that the joke is only a joke if launched on the 1st.

          You have to remember that the Iranian government and religious leaders are famed for their sense of humour.

      2. ThatOne Silver badge

        Re: you may laugh

        > what would be the point of such tv farce

        Gain fame and glory and be considered as the potential savior of humanity?

        About the lack of credibility - Well, you are forgetting that people tend to blindly believe in whatever they might consider comforting, or supporting their own views. All people thinking Iran is a capable country will compulsively go "I knew it! Told you so!", followed by all those who despair and panic, and all of a sudden are offered some hope that the pandemic can be put under control in an easy, painless way.

        Also the country isn't populated by scientists and medical professionals (no country is). If you tell the average Joe in the streets (even around here) that some such device has been developed, he'll believe it, if only because he wants to.

    2. smudge Silver badge
      Boffin

      Re: you may laugh

      but until an independent scientific review proves this device to be a fake, the verdict is out there

      You are Eamonn Holmes, and I am laughing.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: you may laugh

      Your TDS is showing.

      Since you want to make this about Trump... the facts and timelines actually show that the orange man got this right.

      I kid you not. Trump got slammed because he closed the boarders to China and then gets slammed by the very same people for not doing it sooner.

      Don't take my word for it. Use Google and search and create a timeline of events.

      What we see isn't that Trump is good or bad, but those very same politicians who we need to lead the US are even bigger morons that Trump. Its sad and pathetic.

      1. MachDiamond Silver badge

        Re: you may laugh

        "Trump got slammed because he closed the boarders to China and then gets slammed by the very same people for not doing it sooner."

        It's the opposition's favorite sport. They scream racism at every turn. When the President restricted travel from certain countries due to their hostile stance towards the US, there was screaming that it was part of an anti-muslim agenda. No, the populations of those countries may be primarily muslim, but it was more to their taking to the streets and shouting "Death to America, Death to the great Satan" that did it. The odds are low that people traveling from those countries to the US are looking to have a pleasant holiday.

        American politics are disgusting. While the virus was building up speed, all the US government could do was concentrate on getting Mr Trump impeached. If there was ever a time to be able to multi-task, that would have been it. They are still at it as Mr Trump getting re-elected come November would be worse than millions dead of Covid-19.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Mr Trump getting re-elected come November

          Some are saying that he'll delcare martial law, suspend the constitution the November Elections then make himself POTUS for life. (just like his pal Putin...sic)

          Once the virus has run its course will he have a country left to govern? possibly not.

          all my US friends are hoping that both him and the Veep get it bad.

          1. holmegm Bronze badge

            Re: Mr Trump getting re-elected come November

            Trump? It's the *governors* who are doing the martial law thing, and it's Trump who keeps saying that we should think about when and how to open things up.

            1. martinusher Silver badge

              Re: Mr Trump getting re-elected come November

              Trump's a bit of a slippery customer when it comes to he said/she said. His actions with the coronavirus appear to be driven soley by a political calcuus, what makes him look good and potential opponents look bad. Seen in that context what he says and does is essentially irrelevant for managing the pandemic, its mostly going to be interence driven by political calculus. Meanwhile in the real world states and counties are already dealing with the problem of how to restatrt everything -- locally, for example, we should be coming out of hibertnation over the next two weeks or so.

              Trump's encouraging of the Tea Party like demonstrations is playing on a well known effect that's the subject of this article. In this case the Iranian virus detector can be re-purposed as a bear repellant. When you wave it about and notice that there aren't any bears showing on its indicator its proof that it works (it will be particularly effective in the UK).

              1. SundogUK Silver badge

                Re: Mr Trump getting re-elected come November

                "...driven soley by a political calculus." And even if true, this is different to every Democrat politician ever in what way exactly?

                1. Dajve_Bloke

                  Re: Mr Trump getting re-elected come November

                  Speaking as a britbong, I'd suggest it's because the democratic party of America have very little power. I believe they control Congress, which is more-or-less equivalent to Westminster over here. The Senate, which is the equivalent of our House of Lords (IIRC). Trump has also been stuffing the judiciary with lickspittles. Therefore, out of the three branches he has control of two - unless there are a plethora of spine donors across the pond. Now - did you have a specific point about how it's the Dem's fault that you'd care to elucidate?

    4. Chairman of the Bored Silver badge

      Re: you may laugh

      Splitting a hair here, I've not seen any serious claims the virus "originated" in a lab, meaning that it's a bioweapon. The claims are more to the point that BSL-4 labs research nasty crap and some may have escaped.

      Supposedly Chinese labs have leaked in the past. The Russians offed a bunch of people at Mayak with an Anthrax screwup (that was a BWC violation...). The US Army's Ft Derrick lab was shut down by CDC last year, only got it's approval for restart this March. Sometimes s..t happens. When the nitrogenous waste hits the rotating aspirator, it's time to check your ego at the door and figure out what the hell happened ... so you can share information on how to prevent another occurrence with everyone else doing similar work

      1. Shooter

        Re: you may laugh

        The earliest conspiracy theories that I heard did indeed claim that the virus was engineered as a bioweapon by the Chinese. Actually, the first "theory" I heard had it that there were two versions of the virus - a "weak" strain that was meant to be released first in China and thereby immunize the Chinese, followed by a stronger strain to be unleashed upon the rest of the world. The story is that someone screwed up and released the wrong strain first.

        Once it was shown that the virus was almost certainly of natural origin, the narrative has switched to claiming that it was being studied as a potential bioweapon in Wuhan and escaped into the wild either deliberately or accidentally.

        I've only heard these theories from fans of talk radio and conspiracy web sites, not reliable news sources.

        1. osakajin

          Re: you may laugh

          What do you class as a reliable news source these days?

          1. Spanners Silver badge
            Holmes

            Re: you may laugh

            What do you class as a reliable news source these days?

            If SCROTUS* declares it to be "fake news", that is a pretty good start.

            *Supreme Crap Regurgitator Of The United States.

            1. SundogUK Silver badge

              Re: you may laugh

              If Trump said 'cancer is bad' you'd start supporting it...

        2. This post has been deleted by its author

        3. SundogUK Silver badge

          Re: you may laugh

          The BBC's 'fact check' unit tried to answer this one and could only say that it hadn't been proven. The fact is that biological research institutions have accidentally released stuff in to the wild in the past and speculating that this may have happened here is entirely reasonable. Not necessarily true but reasonable.

          1. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge

            Re: you may laugh

            reasonable until the scientists analysed it and proved that it had occurred naturally

      2. onemark03

        Re: you may laugh

        @ Chairman of the Bored:

        I take it you mean Fort Detrick.

        1. Chairman of the Bored Silver badge

          Re: you may laugh

          Yes, quite right. See: https://www.military.com/daily-news/2019/11/24/cdc-inspection-findings-reveal-more-about-fort-detrick-research-suspension.html/amp

          I'm surprised the anti-vaxxers' and conspiracy nutjobs' heads haven't exploded over this. I will shut up now.

  4. Dangermouse 1
    Trollface

    Perhaps it detects 5G signals

    Heh ;)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Perhaps it detects 5G signals

      Careful this will only fuel their craziness however it would be a wise time to point out to them that Iran doesn't have a 5G network as with many other countries that have Corona.

      1. JassMan Silver badge
        Trollface

        Re: Perhaps it detects 5G signals

        Don't foget that by correlation of David Icke's pronouncement, if you find the 5G you are guaranteed to find the virus. Ergo the device can't fail to work.

        By his own pronouncement David is «son of thegodhead» so everything he says must be true.

      2. KarMann
        Black Helicopters

        Re: Perhaps it detects 5G signals

        They say they don't have 5G. Obviously, this proves that they actually do have 5G, but have to deny it because they weren't supposed to be able to get it due to the sanctions on them.

  5. batfink Silver badge
    Devil

    I need a pile of these

    I'll be straight onto the conspiracy theory/anti-vaxxer sites selling these for a fortune. It's a ready-made target market of gullible people, after all.

    1. Arthur the cat Silver badge

      Re: I need a pile of these

      I'll be straight onto the conspiracy theory/anti-vaxxer sites selling these for a fortune. It's a ready-made target market of gullible people, after all.

      In my more misanthropic moments(*) I've considered selling kits to suppress 99% of electromagnetic radiation from computer monitors. I reckon paying £100 for a black bin liner and some double sided tape would be good value for the priceless education.

      (*) People who know me go "more misanthropic???"

  6. steelpillow Silver badge

    ride time

    I can't help wondering who is fooling who.

    Is somebody taking the Revolutionary Guards for a ride or are they fully aware they are talking bollocks?

    1. midcapwarrior

      Re: ride time

      Probably both

  7. Zebo-the-Fat

    Why was the guy on the left wearing his face mask half way down his face? I'm sure I could see his top lip over the top of the mask!

    1. Velv Silver badge
      Facepalm

      Why were any of them wearing masks? Surely if the device can detect Coronavirus at 100m they've got prior warning of any potentially infectious person or surface.

      Or don't they trust their own technology?

      1. Rich 11 Silver badge

        They only 80% trust it.

      2. RobThBay

        The masks were there to hide their laughter as they announced this thing.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "a gaggle of gleeful military-looking fellows huddled around a table"

    Let's hope they keep ignoring social distancing and take out most of the military.

    Anon - they've got guns.

  9. Nick Ryan Silver badge

    Oh ye of such little faith

    This can be proven to work so very easily:

    • Walk into a hospital with lots of Covid-19 patients in beds.
    • Point the device at the patients and any suspect looking staff.

    Done, proven.

    I may have been hoping a long range temperature sensor - point it at someone's forehead and measure their temperature, but this so much better! :)

    1. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge

      Re: Oh ye of such little faith

      My Elephant detectors working fine too, going from results so far ...

  10. A Non e-mouse Silver badge

    Reminds me of Chemical Ali...

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

    2. OssianScotland Silver badge

      Are you sure you don't mean Comical Ali?

      http://welovetheiraqiinformationminister.com/

  11. vincent himpe

    infrared thermometer without laser...

    Lasers are prohibited form being exported there. So the antenna is used as 'pointing stick'....

    1. Androgynous Cupboard Silver badge

      Re: infrared thermometer without laser...

      Replacing the laser in a laser range finder with a pointing stick leaves them surprisingly accurate, when measuring items that are the same length as the stick.

  12. Qarumba

    Lirpa Loof

    When is April the 1st in Iran? They do have a different calendar.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I'm just trying to work out at what point reality and satire are going to meet and become indistinguishable. I know this is satire because it's fucking crazy but how many news sites are going to pick this up a possible? How many conspiracy websites are going to start saying look we told it was 5G?

    If one day we colonise another planet can we leave the idiots behind? That's not to say I'm not an idiot or better than anyone else. There just needs to be some sort of test like the Darwin awards. Questions like would you or did you vaccinate your children? Are you going to vote Trump 2020/1? (I didn't say did you vote Trump because some people were genuinely fooled however if you are planning to vote for him this time then you are a brain washed hick who protests about the lock down with others). Do you believe chemicals in the water are turning you gay? Does Don McClean's American pie predict a satanic communist takeover? If they answer yes to any of these questions then they don't go.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      I'd thought to print up a T-shirt with:

      Four years ago people voted saying "How bad could it be?"

      A few months from now they'll vote saying "That wasn't so bad!"

      but... I seem to be incommunicado here in the elder ghetto

    2. jmch Silver badge
      Trollface

      "If one day we colonise another planet can we leave the idiots behind?"

      ... and all die of an epidemic involving unsanitised telephones?

    3. Jan 0

      Try Kornbluth?

      You might enjoy reading "The Marching Morons".

  14. Mark 85 Silver badge
    Facepalm

    Hmmmm...prior art?

    A masked official also idly waves about what appears to be an unobtanium shield.

    Looks like the pot lid from my kitchen.

    As for the antenna part... looks like a dowsing rod.

    They look so serious like maybe they're afraid to giggle which could get them shot.

    1. rtharrison
      Go

      Re: Hmmmm...prior art?

      My immediate thought too when I saw it.

      Quick someone tell the Iranian Revolutionary Guard that to get best effects they will need to use 2 of them, one in each hand.

    2. RobThBay

      Re: Hmmmm...prior art?

      Frying pan lid and dowsing rod...that was my first thought when I saw it.

      Reminds me of those tv commercials selling "gadgets that you just have to have...but wait, order a 2nd one and only pay the shipping..."

  15. Jason Bloomberg Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    When it's over I'm moving my company to Iran

    Amazing work ethic.

    If I said "I want a covid-19 detector by the end of the week"; all my team would deliver is a "fuck off".

    1. Jimmy2Cows Silver badge

      Re: When it's over I'm moving my company to Iran

      I'm guessing you don't shoot your team members for failures and non-compliance.

  16. ElectricPics

    Iran presents 'new' high tech military hardware from time to time which usually turns out to be obsolete Russian or Chinese aircraft, tanks or missiles with some painted cardboard attached to them. No-one is ever fooled or understands why they do it, and this looks like a similar antic.

  17. Insert sadsack pun here

    What a world we live in

    When a propaganda channel for the Russian state (Ruptly) retransmits a propaganda channel for the Iranian state (Press TV). Now that Jeremy Corbyn's got more time on his hands, maybe he'll comment on the "news" reported by his former employer?

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

  18. Sleep deprived
    FAIL

    No wonder Iran officially reports so few cases

    ...if testing is done with this device.

    1. Jimmy2Cows Silver badge
      Facepalm

      Re: No wonder Iran officially reports so few cases

      It probably also cures upon detection. But they left that bit out of the presentation. State secrets, don't want to reveal full capabilities to the infidels etc.

  19. Celeste Reinard

    Again?

    Nothing on snopes.com - I recall these things being reviewed on dutch skeptical sites like kloptdatwel and the likes some 10 years ago - while I was being some sort of a trainee on skepticism. Anyway, the wiki has some stuff where snopes drops the ball a bit - one can search under GT200 or the ADE 651 being so completely bogus one starts to question the very nature of ones own species to the extend that one really sees the gnomes dancing the Can Can in ones own head.

    The dutch site talks about it in 2013:

    https://kloptdatwel.nl/2013/02/08/drugs-en-explosievendetector-valt-compleet-door-de-mand/

    And here's the Wiki for those who also understand proper English:

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/GT200

    ... I refrain from stating that humans descend from monkeys, endorsing Darwin thusly, since we clearly don't - it's gnome country. (One better reads up Foucault, Les Mots et les Choses, for better understanding (why people are more like wheel barrows rather than trains - they have a hard time keeping on track/ not flying of the rails by habit (or lack of constraints (within their belief-system)))

    1. GrumpenKraut Silver badge
      Big Brother

      Re: Again?

      > ... by habit (or lack of constraints (within their belief-system)))

      Are you having a lisp? Please report at the mini-lisp!

      1. Bob7300

        Re: Again?

        LISP, damn remember that from uni.

  20. MachDiamond Silver badge

    TSA Security Theatre

    I'm surprised that Homemade Security in the US didn't buy thousand of these devices for use at US airports. Not much they do contributes to security, but the yokels would be impressed with a properly tech looking wand that is supposed to detect something. Those people would feel so much safer knowing that they're been looked after by the latest high tech gadget. It's all a show and you'll feel better for not knowing the details.

    1. Allan George Dyer Silver badge
      Paris Hilton

      Re: TSA Security Theatre

      It could be very effective for the TSA:

      1. TSA agents use device to scan passengers

      2. Arrest people who laugh at the TSA agents.

      Result: the USA has been protected from a dangerous outbreak of intelligence.

  21. StephenTompsett

    How many has Trump ordered?

    1. LDS Silver badge

      None. But Larry Ellison promised one soon, but gold plagued and with the Trump signature prominently displayed on each. Only available to billionaires.

  22. I3N
    Pint

    Elizabeth Holmes' new gig .....

    and numerous software/hardware programs that shall not be named

    so as to protect the readers from embarrassment ...

  23. DasWezel
    Boffin

    They seem unsure if it works.

    Why are they still wearing masks? Albeit incorrectly... Maybe they're going for a half-way house until they're really certain it's skookum?

  24. Mark192

    Proof positive that the Major General got to where he is by never asking questions, rocking the boat or doing anything that made his superiors feel like the useless twunts they are.

    I could learn a lot from him.

  25. Richard Scratcher
    Paris Hilton

    ADE 651 - it's not just for detecting bombs!

    From Wipikedia:

    "The ADE 651 could detect items including guns, ammunition, drugs, truffles, human bodies, contraband ivory and bank notes at distances of up to 1 kilometre (0.62 mi), underground, through walls, underwater or even from aeroplanes at an altitude of up to 5 kilometres (3.1 mi). One promotional video claimed that the device could detect elephants from 48 kilometres (30 mi) away."

    "It consisted of a hand unit on which a swinging antenna was mounted, linked to a box worn on the belt in which the cards were inserted to identify the "molecular frequency" of whatever the user wanted to detect. The cards were "programmed" by photocopying a Polaroid photograph of the target, cutting up the resulting copy and pasting the pieces between two squares of plastic."

    So all that would be needed is a photo of the virus and then all those expensive ADE 651 devices lying around could be reprogrammed and put to good use.

    1. TheProf Silver badge

      detect elephants from 48 kilometres (30 mi) away.

      I wondered why my ADE 651 had been going crazy recently. Chester Zoo is only 11 miles away. (As the crow flies. Oh, maybe it's also detecting crows.)

      1. ThatOne Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: detect elephants from 48 kilometres (30 mi) away.

        Maybe there is one in the room?

    2. Shooter

      Re: ADE 651 - it's not just for detecting bombs!

      Hey - I have a golf ball finder just like that!

      https://www.amazon.com/Gopher-Amazing-Golf-Ball-Finder/product-reviews/B00B0G0ETK

  26. Chozo

    Incredible!

    I haven't been this impressed since Jebidiah Greenfield unveiled the "Possum Whistle"

    1. Scroticus Canis
      Big Brother

      Re: Incredible!

      Joe, is that you?

      1. Chozo

        Re: Incredible!

        Gertrude, have you got into the cider again?

  27. tonybarry

    I am having a difficult time with this announcement. I think most folk of average intelligence see through the hoax. So - who are the people presenting this, and what are they thinking ?

    If they are taking the piss, then sure it makes sense. April Fool delayed due to calendar issues. But in their culture I thought they had minimal amounts of humour, especially when poking it at themselves.

    If they are for real, then what are they thinking and how can they make such an announcement ? Are they trying for a scam ? Are they (to paraphrase Carl Sagan) people who see technology as magic, and use the rules of magical thinking as the foundation for their announcement ? If so, who fed them this line and how did they come to believe it ?

    So many things that just don't make sense, from any angle.

    1. skeptical i
      Black Helicopters

      who, what, why?

      If I were cynical, I'd guess that they will send patrols out, armed with the device, to detect "Covid carriers" and haul them to "hospital" for "treatment", where "Covid carriers" = "people who are causing ... problems", "hospital" = "undisclosed location", and "treatment" = "extreme unpleasantness". They said on teevee to the whole country that the things work, mostly sort of, and who among the populace will raise a hand to question people with firearms and a humour deficiency? First they came for my LGBTQ neighbors, then they came for ....

      1. ThatOne Silver badge

        Re: who, what, why?

        > will send patrols out, armed with the device

        Do they really need that excuse?... "Enemy of the state" (short for "anybody who is not my fervent supporter is my enemy") is more than enough to neutralize any annoying elements.

        No, I'm sure this is a genuine attempt to impress the masses (domestic and foreign). They know some won't believe, but then again some don't believe no matter what. What's important are the uneducated masses which will believe (if only because they want to), and the prestige thus gained among them. Over time the exact event will be forgotten, but people will remember that they are awesome, for some reason.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: who, what, why?

          Like 100,000 tests a day and 85 tons of PPE?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Why on earth would you think that Iranians don't have a sense of humour like any other culture? That's so weirdly insular. The Iranians were making self-deprecating political jokes about their rulers while we were still trying to work out whether woad and rabbit fur was a good look on zoom.

  28. cosymart
    Facepalm

    These Goons

    These goons can be dangerous, don't forget that in January they managed to shoot down a Ukrainian civilian airliner that had just taken off from Iran: www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-middle-east-51073621 Who knows what other unreported stupidity lurks within :-(

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: These Goons

      So - up there in dangerous incomptence with the French, US, Russians x2, and god knows how many others?

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I think I've seen this before

    It's made to detect golf balls?

  30. Random Grinch
    Coat

    Perhaps it works by detecting Corona discharge???

    I'll get my coat...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      It's the one on the floor

      Somebody's stolen the hanger to detect coronavirus.

  31. Random Grinch
    Coat

    Hmmm...

    ...Perhaps it detects Corona discharge???

    I'll get my coat!

  32. mtp
    Happy

    Pink tipped item at 1:00

    I get the unobtanium shield and the divining rod but the device on the table at 1:00 looks to come from a entirely different (and more biological) industry.

  33. ICL1900-G3

    Iran

    Lovely country, lovely people, shit regime. They deserve better.

    1. ThatOne Silver badge

      Re: Iran

      Don't we all...

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