back to article Crack police squad seeks help to flush out Australian toilet paper thieves

Police in the Australian State of New South Wales have published an image of two men they say conducted a series of brazen toilet paper robberies and called for community assistance to flush them out. NSW Police said the two men visited four outer-Sydney supermarkets on Sunday and undertook "a series of thefts and attempted …

  1. Denarius Silver badge

    Really?

    Bandits behind computers if the sudden price gouging of food is an indication. Somewhere there must be warehouses of dunny paper. Have not seen any across 180 km2 of NSW and bits of ACT despite assurances from Oz manglement of adequate supplies

    1. Sorry that handle is already taken. Silver badge

      Re: Really?

      There are probably more than enough of them to go around....

      ...stuck in distribution centres because there aren't nearly enough trucks to get them to where they're needed when they're needed.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Spotted some in Coffs Harbour, NSW,

      I haven't seen any on the shelves for weeks. yesterday I saw an old lady with a few rolls of bog paper in her trolley outside Woolworths, Coffs Harbour, NSW. I congratulated her on her successful purchase, the thought of stealing it from her did not cross my mind much.

      1. Joe W Silver badge

        Re: Spotted some in Coffs Harbour, NSW,

        "did not cross my mind much"

        :D

        The supplies are actually ok, it's just that whenever they roll out a palette a bunch of buggers comes and buys 10 packs apiece. Same with flour (all types... tipo 00, whole grain rye and wheat and whatnot) and yeast (fresh and dried). I guess that 99% of those who buy it have not been baking in the last decade or three, and of those at least 95% won't be using up what they bought. Meanwhile here at Casa Joe we are almost out of yeast, I guess the next bread will be sourdough only...

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: almost out of yeast

          Surely the whole point is you never run out of yeast... You simply use a small amount of what you have to grow more? No?

        2. Dr AntiSol, astrophysicist

          Re: Spotted some in Coffs Harbour, NSW,

          bunch of buggers comes and buys 10 packs apiece

          but all the supermarkets in my area are now limiting everyone to buying one pack of bog roll.

          I'd love to know where I can get some of this TP that I've been repeatedly assured we're not running out of. I've had to shower 2-3 times a day for about a week now.

          1. Palebushman
            Facepalm

            Re: Spotted some in Coffs Harbour, NSW,

            All this bulk buying of TP is about promoting the sales of Bidets that are stock piled in the big green shed ;-)

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Were that able to make a clean getaway?

    1. Wellyboot Silver badge
      Coat

      The crime scene was cleaned, the police have nothing to go on...

      1. Sgt_Oddball Silver badge
        Trollface

        They've brought in detectives..

        Who specialise in following paper trails..

    2. zuckzuckgo Bronze badge

      They took off so fast the left skid marks.

  3. Bitsminer

    The last rolls left

    It was the last of the last. "Chuck Norris" style toilet paper. "It's rough, it's tough, it don't take shit from anybody."

    1. Persona Silver badge
      FAIL

      Re: The last rolls left

      Toilet paper was first introduced in 1857. "Splinter free" toilet paper was not available till the 1930s.

    2. eldakka Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: The last rolls left

      "It's rough, it's tough, it don't take shit from anybody."

      But I want my toilet paper to take shit from me, that's what it's for!

  4. Twanky Bronze badge

    Wow!

    ...brazen toilet paper...

    'kin 'ell these guys are hard.

    1. Wellyboot Silver badge

      Re: Wow!

      Steampunk seashells?

  5. Saruman the White
    Facepalm

    This really is a crap story

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      If people aren't informed, they'll never wipe out this kind of grime crime!

  6. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
    Stop

    #ThatsHowWeRoll

    "Stolen items recovered and 3 arrested all within an hour of it being reported."

    https://news.sky.com/story/coronavirus-three-arrested-after-police-find-stolen-toilet-paper-in-van-11961352

    STOP! Police! -->

    1. DiViDeD Silver badge

      Re: #ThatsHowWeRoll

      I very much doubt that a pair of toilet roll thieves from Australia managed to make their way to Essex to sell it and still turned a profit

    2. eldakka Silver badge

      Re: #ThatsHowWeRoll

      The police will have to hang on to the evidence for their toilets evidentiary purposes naturally.

  7. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

    Anti Theft strategy

    May be toilet roll shipments should be disguised as IT equipment to reduce the risk of theft in transit and storage

    1. Empire of the Pussycat

      Re: Anti Theft strategy

      As a plus, that'll give the NSA somewhere else to plant spyware

  8. chivo243 Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    Old outdoors saying

    take it like a man, wipe it with your hand...

  9. Neil Barnes Silver badge

    Sounds like a job for...

    The Bottom Inspectors!

    http://viz.co.uk/category/bottom-inspectors/

  10. hplasm Silver badge
    Coat

    What a pair of asswipes – they even pulled a knife at a supermarket

    Oblig: That's not a knife...

  11. Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge
    Trollface

    Once caught, the perps should be locked up and issued fine grit sandpaper* for TP.

    *liberally doused with salt and vinegar

    1. Arthur the cat Silver badge
      Devil

      Once caught, the perps should be locked up and issued fine grit sandpaper* for TP.

      Once known as Izal Medicated.

      *liberally doused with salt and vinegar

      What's wrong with hot chilli sauce?

  12. SVV Silver badge

    toilet roll theft

    Some people got away with a couple of cash machines at a supermarket in Kent yesterday, after using a JCB to make a withdrawal. Mind you, the cash inside may soon be worth less than toilet paper the way things are going. If that happens, they can always swap the usages of the two around.

    "Oh no, I forgot they're made out of plastic nowadays".

    1. veti Silver badge

      Re: toilet roll theft

      I've sometimes wondered, how do you even get a JCB for that kind of purpose? Presumably not legit. Do people routinely leave them lying about with the keys in, or what?

    2. martinusher Silver badge

      Re: toilet roll theft

      I live in a quiet, low crime part of surburban California. Our parks department has had to lock park restrooms because people caused a lot of damage wrenching the holders off the walls.

    3. eldakka Silver badge

      Re: toilet roll theft

      "Oh no, I forgot they're made out of plastic nowadays".

      That just means that after they've laundered the money, they can re-use it.

  13. Grogan

    Toilet paper is in short supply, because every time somebody coughs, everyone in the area beshits themselves :-)

  14. the Jim bloke Silver badge

    and no one has mentioned the classic...

    "Police have nothing to go on.."

  15. carolinahomes

    Updates please.

    I need to know if they've Come Clean!

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