back to article When the world ends – coronavirus plague, WW3, whatever – all that will be left are cockroaches and Larry Ellison trash talking his rivals

Oracle on Thursday reported $9.8bn in revenue for Q3 of its 2020 fiscal year, a two per cent year-over-year gain and enough to lift the database giant's stock in after-hours trading despite a dismal day on Wall Street. The Dow Jones Industrial Average dropped 10 per cent, the latest in a series of declines driven by concern …

  1. jake Silver badge

    "all that will be left are cockroaches and Larry Ellison"

    Nah.

    My money is on Tardigrades and Keith Richards to outlast pretty much everything.

    1. macjules Silver badge

      Re: "all that will be left are cockroaches and Larry Ellison"

      Nope, last thing on Earth will be millions of computers all displaying "Windows has an important update. Would you like to install this now or later tonight?"

      The last person alive will be Tim Cook desperately trying to persuade the cockroaches that buying the iPhone 12 Pro with 10 cameras is a good thing.

    2. GBH

      Re: "all that will be left are cockroaches and Larry Ellison"

      I like Keith Richards, too!

    3. Ordinary Donkey

      Re: "all that will be left are cockroaches and Larry Ellison"

      This prompted me to look up the current status of John Legere.

      Nope, he's actually going. Larry and Keith outlasted him.

    4. MrDamage

      Re: "all that will be left are cockroaches and Larry Ellison"

      I strongly suspect that each time a legendary rocker dies, Keith Richards goes through "The Quickening".

  2. MyffyW Silver badge

    Even as the heat death of the universe approaches, the license management team from Oracle will be insisting on their pound of flesh.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      And the final two actions from Oracle would be court cases by Oracle to make customers pay early in case the heat death doesn't happen AND to deprive its salespeople of any commission long enough for the heat death of the universe to happen...

    2. Zarno Bronze badge
      Terminator

      "You have 5 seconds to comply. 4. 3. 2. 1. I am now authorized to use physical force!"

      Icon because it's the closest thing, and might actually be part of their "reinforcement" team...

  3. VibhorTyagi

    This is Doomsday

    For all I care, Larry Ellison can sleep with the Roaches. Although, I must say, these doomsday predictions has given me an idea to engineer AI bots that try to project the end-times effectively. I might not be as accurate as my Artificial Intelligence creation, but with Trump in office, and Fascists in majority of counties - it looks like we are being punished, and cockroaches are the least of our worries. There is incentive, however, to engineer AI machines that do manage the loss of productivity being experienced throughout the globe (maybe that would be the most realistic use IMO).

    ~Vibhor Tyagi (Techie at Engineer.AI)

    1. Peter2 Silver badge

      Re: This is Doomsday

      We don't have fascists in any significant numbers in the majority of countries.

      What we have is people who are participating in the democratic process who are demanding that their (for the most part fairly reasonable) concerns are addressed. Their opponents are in turn deriding their concerns, calling them names (ie fascists) and telling them that if they don't agree with them then they shouldn't vote for them.

      Then they are acting quite surprised when they fail to win a majority of the vote.

      If you want Trump and the "populists" (ie, people offering policies that the majority of people want) out of power then offer credible solutions to resolve the underlying conditions that caused these people to exist in the first place instead of throwing adhomium attacks at anti establishment politicians sitting at the top of the establishment; it only helps makes their anti establishment support base think they are doing some good!

      1. Lorribot

        Re: This is Doomsday

        Nothing good is ever done in a democracy, because people vote for what they want, not what they need and governments can't think beyond the life of the parliament.

        If you want to get shit done that needs to be done, you need a dictatorship backed by lots of people with big guns.

        Dictators are in it for life, democracy is too many compromises limited by standing for re-election.

        1. onemark03

          ... you need a dictatorship ...

          Irony on:

          @ Lorribot

          You mean a military dictatorship backed up by martial law - arguably the most efficient form of government.

          (Bring on the down-votes!)

          Irony off:

  4. Kevin McMurtrie Silver badge

    Survivors

    cockroaches Oracle legal team

  5. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    "Oracle's subscription-based revenue is already contracted."

    Good luck with collecting on that contract when the customer's gone down the tubes.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Why are you making a distinction between Ellison and cockroaches?

    1. Boris the Cockroach Silver badge
      Alert

      Because Ellison was expelled from our society for behaviour likely to bring us cockroaches into disrepute

      Besides , we have bigger problems.. my 400 odd kids are stuck at home and they're climbing the walls with boredom....

    2. a_yank_lurker Silver badge

      Equating Leisure Suit Larry to a cockroach is an insult to those fine insects; cockroaches. It is hard to find someone or something lower than Leisure Suit Larry.

      1. Zarno Bronze badge
        Coat

        Hey hey hey, that's an insult to the FINE folks at Sierra On-Line, equating a walking talking slime mould to their (possibly non)lovable character Leisure Suit Larry!

        Mine's the one with the cheat sheet for the intro questions in the pocket...

  7. Lorribot
    Devil

    Just in case you might use it....

    "When the world ends – coronavirus plague, WW3, whatever – all that will be left are cockroaches and Larry Ellison trash talking his rivals"

    And he will likely find a way to to charge you a licence fee for still being alive in his Oracle world. on all the houses that are left just in case you needed shelter for the night.

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