back to article Pope tells his followers to log off for Lent

Pope Francis is calling on the faithful to log off for Lent – eschewing mobile phones and idle chit-chat for a nice quiet commune with God. The Holy Father told pilgrims gathered in St Peter's Square yesterday: "Lent is a time to disconnect from cell phones and connect to the Gospel... "It is the time to give up useless words …

  1. WolfFan Silver badge

    Dear Francis

    Be a good chap and fuck off.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Dear Francis

      Dear WolfFan,

      Please show us how to fuck off first.

      Regards,

      Everyone

      1. James O'Shea

        Re: Dear Francis

        If you need to learn _that_, you're even more stupid than you appear, something hard to be.

        1. James O'Shea

          Re: Dear Francis

          Two more (at time of posting) idiots broadcasting their stupidity, I see. Do keep it up.

    2. James O'Shea

      Re: Dear Francis

      Frankie is a Jesuit, and I've yet to encounter a stupid Jesuit, they weed the idiots and overly pious (as if there were a difference) out in seminary. He _knows_ that most people aren't going to take this seriously. The ones who will, such as those assholes at Opus Dei, already do this kind of thing, so no gain (and no loss) there.

    3. Jemma Silver badge

      Re: Dear Francis

      How should he fuck off oh Lord?

      And the utterly perfect...

      "Of course he's the Messiah. I should know I've followed a few"

      I think the Internet proper should have locks against god botherers and other fun people (flatearth (#Frisbee) and vaxxers (#edward-jenner-die-die-die) come to mind). Each getting their own remedial area - like the Shiasphere or SunniSphere or Jewisphere, along with the Fluffysphere (Wicca, #shiningpathbunny), and all the rest - where they can all flame grille each other to their hearts content and leave the rest in peace. Could all get together and have 5 thousand a side flaming tournaments.

      1. the Jim bloke Silver badge
        Facepalm

        Re: Dear Francis

        They all DO have their own area - its called social media.

        Its like a sump or drainage pond - it collects the low of intellect and keeps them out of the way. Unfortunately professional or commercial media have taken to grubbing around in there and dragging the crap out where everyone can see it. Obviously, its easier to sell stuff to stupid people, so commercial networks are all for promoting the 'social media experience"

    4. Noonoot

      Re: Dear Francis

      Anyone knocking the Pope should be ashamed. All of you. If there's any pope that connects with the digital citizens of today it's Bergoglio. A man who prefers the simple things in life, the man next door. A kind man with a young spirit.

  2. Oliver Reed
    Pint

    Down with this sort of thing

    (Apologies for using such strong language)

    1. Rameses Niblick the Third Kerplunk Kerplunk Whoops Where's My Thribble? Silver badge

      Re: Down with this sort of thing

      Careful now

      1. MyffyW Silver badge

        Re: Down with this sort of thing

        The posts were merely resting in my account

      2. BillG
        Happy

        Internet Free Weekends

        I've tried the occasional internet-free weekend and I found it so very relaxing and stress-free.

        1. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

          Re: Internet Free Weekends

          No doubt this varies among people. I've vacationed in places where I had no phone or network access, and had a fine time; but I didn't find it any more relaxing or enjoyable than when I did have access. I just don't find connectivity or a lack thereof stressful.

          But then I've also never felt the compulsion to check my phone, as many seem to.

    2. macjules Silver badge

      Re: Down with this sort of thing

      'polluted by too much verbal violence,' by so many 'offensive and harmful words' which are "amplified by the internet".

      Quite agree. Verbal violence should be strictly limited to religious books that encourage smiting, stoning and crucifixion. After all, crucifixion is a doddle.

      1. jason_derp

        Re: Down with this sort of thing

        Don't forget murdering the children of your enemies to teach those damned polytheists what we're REALLY f*#^&ing about!

        1. Intractable Potsherd Silver badge

          Re: Down with this sort of thing

          And the sending of bears to eat children who yell "Oi, baldy!"

  3. iron Silver badge
    Gimp

    That would be an ecumenical matter.

  4. Neil Barnes Silver badge
    Angel

    One assumes that the pope is a well educated fellow

    And yet he misses the obvious error in "It is the time to give up useless words, <...> and to speak directly to the Lord."

    1. Arthur the cat Silver badge
      Trollface

      Re: One assumes that the pope is a well educated fellow

      Yes, he doesn't specify what protocol to use.

      1. alain williams Silver badge

        Re: One assumes that the pope is a well educated fellow

        Presumably the URL will start: prayer://

        1. TRT Silver badge

          Re: One assumes that the pope is a well educated fellow

          Don't forget to enclose your deity type descriptors with angel brackets.

        2. Francis Boyle Silver badge

          HTTP

          Holy talk time protocol.

          1. TRT Silver badge

            Re: HTTP

            High Time To Pray and

            High Time To Pray Sincerely.

            Oh and as for the reply, that

            Matter Is Mostly Ecumenical.

    2. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

      Re: One assumes that the pope is a well educated fellow

      the pope is a well educated fellow ...speak directly to the Lord

      He may be well educated, but it appears that the whole page that mentions "disintermediation"* has been ripped from his dictionary.

      (*it's a bitch)

  5. FlossyThePig
    Megaphone

    My alternative

    If I want peace and quiet I just turn my hearing aids off.

    It's an option not available for many reading this.

    1. Pascal Monett Silver badge
      Coat

      Not yet, but in time . . .

    2. rcxb Bronze badge

      Re: My alternative

      For years I've been looking for a good set of earplugs that can be slept in (comforably). Haven't found good ones yet. Even those advertised as such are no better than bog-standard foam plugs.

  6. wolfetone

    He's not wrong. It's a pity the arseholes I have to deal with can't give up chatting bollocks for 40 days.

    Down with this sort of thing etc.

  7. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    Um, not sure if he's thought this through

    'polluted by too much verbal violence,' by so many 'offensive and harmful words'

    And to get away from that, the solution presented is to read the Bible? I hate to break it to you buddy, ...

    1. MyffyW Silver badge

      Re: Um, not sure if he's thought this through

      Problem isn't the 2000 year old book per se, it's people brimful of the letter of Christianity and empty of it's spirit.

      1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

        Re: Um, not sure if he's thought this through

        Problem is taking morality lessons from Iron age shepherds

        1. WolfFan Silver badge

          Re: Um, not sure if he's thought this through

          ITYM 'Neolithic' or 'Bronze' age, surely. The older parts of the Bible are a _lot_ older than a mere 2000+ years. And the older sections were perpetuated by goatherds, not shepherds. There's a difference. The newer bits were perpetuated by, allegedly, fishermen and at least one lawyer and at least one physician. The presence of the lawyer may make the newer bits less reliable than the older bits, YMMV.

          1. A.P. Veening Silver badge

            Re: Um, not sure if he's thought this through

            Don't forget the tax collector.

            1. WolfFan Silver badge

              Re: Um, not sure if he's thought this through

              He's an improvement on the lawyer.

          2. Anthropornis
            Joke

            Re: Um, not sure if he's thought this through

            Yeah, about 3 times more than a mere 2000+ years. The earth was created at 9:13 in the morning. on 21st October 4004 BC (or BCE if you prefer that).

  8. Anonymous Coward
    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: Lent ?

      NUN!

    2. Andy 97

      Re: Lent ?

      Stop calling me Len ye little arse!

  9. Boris the Cockroach Silver badge
    IT Angle

    Its

    about this time I give up lent for drink

    DRINK!

    ARSE!

    FEK!

    Still my favourite episode when they finally sober up father jack

    "Oh god I'm not still on that fekking island with those 2 fekking ejiots"

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I'm giving up Twitter, Facebook and Instagram for Lent, and I'm giving up not eating chocolate too. I like Lent!

    1. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

      re: Giving up Social Media

      Just don't go back to it. You will soon see how addictive it is.

  11. Aladdin Sane Silver badge
    Trollface

    give up useless words, chatter, rumours, gossip

    So, the bible then?

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    How am I going to find Jesus without google?

    1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      It was a long time ago, he's probably still on usenet

      1. Antron Argaiv Silver badge

        No, no, I think I see him out mowing the lawn.

        1. WolfFan Silver badge

          The Orangeutaun's wall locked him out.

          1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

            I thought his dad was American ?

            (well English originally but apparently moved there on the Mayflower)

    2. Arthur the cat Silver badge

      OpenStreetMap.

    3. A.P. Veening Silver badge

      How am I going to find Jesus without google?

      What do you mean with "find Jesus"? Not a week passes without people ringing my door bell trying to bring me Jesus. They always seem surprised I use their own rules against them (if someone tries to convert you from your faith, for sure ...).

      1. Drew Scriver Bronze badge

        It's always struck me as odd that many of them come to the door to "offer Jesus", but waffle when you ask why it would be necessary to accept the offer. They either don't know or they are uncomfortable telling you.

        Either way, seems to me that it would be a legitimate question to ask.

      2. Mark 85 Silver badge

        What do you mean with "find Jesus"? Not a week passes without people ringing my door bell trying to bring me Jesus. They always seem surprised I use their own rules against them (if someone tries to convert you from your faith, for sure ...).

        Just tell them you already did find him and that he's in the kitchen having a spot of tea/coffee/other beverages.

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        I usually just tell them I didn't see the accident.

      4. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Well, got to show the rising numbers for the venture spiritualists, so they push their glossy Salvation as a Service every place they can (but one).

  13. cookieMonster
    Paris Hilton

    kiss his ring

    Snigger....

    1. MiguelC Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: kiss his ring

      only when appropriate...

  14. Imhotep

    Moral Authority

    Perhaps the priesthood could forego the altarboys for Lent? And then perhaps Francis could address the ongoing problem with shepherds that prey on their flocks?

  15. chivo243 Silver badge
    Facepalm

    40 days!

    I hope the didn't mean logging off at work... I turn my back for 4 days, and the monkeys are running the circus!

    1. Fungus Bob Silver badge

      Re: 40 days!

      The monkeys have always run the circus.

  16. Nick Gisburne

    Vatican web site still up

    The official Vatican web is still online, so he's obviously only half serious about this. No "closed for Lent" message then, Frankie? Whatever the Latin is for that.

  17. Roger Kynaston

    giving up for lent

    I always give up giving up.

  18. Robert Moore
    Flame

    I would just like to say in response:

    "tips on how to address the Pope – remember to genuflect when approached and "kiss his ring, when appropriate"."

    As a self-described Recovering Catholic, I would just like to say:

    Correction: Hell no.

    1. kmedcalf

      Re: I would just like to say in response:

      Is genuflect latin for Projectile Vomit?

    2. William Towle
      Mushroom

      Re: I would just like to say in response:

      > "remember to genuflect when approached and "kiss his ring, when appropriate"

      Not at the moment, I gather ... and in response to https://metro.co.uk/2020/02/27/pope-francis-falls-day-supporting-people-coronavirus-12314029/:

      # You can keep your facemask off if

      You've the status of the Pontiff

      Coughs and wheezes, even little sneezes? Blow in a Vatican Rag!

      (with apologies to Tom Lehrer)

      // advice update: if infected, please self-immolate -->

  19. IGotOut

    Okey Dokey Popey

    Just quick question? Any chance you lot,you Muslims, Jews and Christians can stop bickering between yourselves for 40 days? After all you all believe in the same deity have all.

    1. jason_derp

      Re: Okey Dokey Popey

      Sorry ODP. "Staying alive" doesn't sell tickets like "dying horribly" does.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Okey Dokey Popey

      Christians and Muslims are just confused Jews, who are themselves confused pagans. Anon because people don't like the truth

  20. IGotOut

    Which God?

    Carl Cox or Pete Tong*

    After all God IS a DJ.

    *Proper DJ's please none of these whipper snapper Instagram pretty boys and girls who just push a button and prance around for 90mins...back in my day etc etc....

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Which God?

      Pete Tong, Carl Cox used to chicken out of coming to Manchester every single time.

  21. jason_derp

    "... speak directly to the Lord."

    Dude I've tried yelling at the Lord and the response is the same. Best case scenario, birds fly overhead or a garbage truck goes by as a convoluted way of answering my question of "is it okay to have full-sodium bacon today?". You might hate Twitter, but even with all the racist diatribes I get bombarded with on there, at least there's proof positive that other tweeters exist.

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    BibleBook? PopeBook? VaticanBook?

    Was going to call it GodBook, but Zuckerberg threatened to sue.

  23. Grogan

    ... and don't forget to pour salt on the holes in your hands.

    Really despise religion and Catholicism isn't one of my favourites... it's right next to that American rubbish. It's such hypocrisy too, fasting becomes "don't eat meat" and that becomes "have a fish and seafood feast".

    How about the Papal Penis spending his Lent STFU'ing. It's time mankind sheds such silly superstitions as sky daddies anyway. Especially when it's used more to oppress and control people. Religion is holding back progress.

    Having the Pope try to shame people into giving up their social interactions and information streams as a matter of suffering and sacrifice, really irks me.

    1. jason_derp

      It's time mankind sheds such silly superstitions as sky daddies anyway.

      I don't know if you'd really want that. I've seen a lot of Christians argue that without God there are no morals, so from what I've seen, that means there's potentially thousands of spree killers and serial rapists out there that are only capable of keeping their knives and dicks where they belong because a Jewish dude got executed once maybe.

  24. dnicholas Bronze badge

    I'm giving up skydiving again. 30 years straight

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    PR stunt looking for an audience

    How about you tell your church leaders to give up the kiddies, for ever?

  26. Jedit Silver badge
    Trollface

    Show yourself, pontiff

    I will never log off.

    (with apologies)

  27. Danny 2 Silver badge

    FTP

    An Indymedia admin, who was also a police informant, posted under the name FTP. I told him that while I appreciated the File Transfer Protocol, where I lived the acronym was commonly used as anti-Catholic graffiti.

POST COMMENT House rules

Not a member of The Register? Create a new account here.

  • Enter your comment

  • Add an icon

Anonymous cowards cannot choose their icon

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2020