back to article Come on baby light me on fire: McDonald's to sell 'Quarter Pounder' scented candles

Fear, shame, regret and Quarter Pounder® with Cheese – now you can relive the scents of last night in your living room thanks to obesity merchants McDonald's. Yes, we've all caught a whiff of something wicked on the streets only to look up and find the fast-food chain's golden arches gazing down upon us like some grotesque …

  1. Pascal Monett Silver badge

    "Please let it be a joke"

    I'm convinced that there are many people who would gladly light up one of those candles purely for fun, out of sheer curiosity (does it really make it smell like a Mc D hamburger) and, for some, for simple convenience (it's a candle).

    I would be part of the curiosity crowd, then I switch to convenience. Only for the one, though. Scented candles are not really my thing.

    1. Ben Tasker Silver badge

      Re: "Please let it be a joke"

      Convenience?

      Come back when they're self lighting.

      1. terrythetech
        Flame

        Re: "Please let it be a joke"

        FFS a self lighting candle‽ The internet of tat just got even tattier.

        Handy for remote controlled arson though I suppose.

    2. JimboSmith Silver badge

      Re: "Please let it be a joke"

      My first thought was April already?!?

    3. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge

      Re: "Please let it be a joke"

      for some, for simple convenience (it's a candle).

      who? people without electricity?

      "Oh look darling , we can get a candle with our McBurger now - that'll be really handy when we get back to the cave / tent / croft / squat / overpass"

    4. Mongrel

      Re: "Please let it be a joke"

      "I'm convinced that there are many people who would gladly light up one of those candles purely for fun, out of sheer curiosity (does it really make it smell like a Mc D hamburger) and, for some, for simple convenience (it's a candle)."

      You forgot the 'ironicly' humorous muppets

    5. My other car WAS an IAV Stryker

      Re: "Please let it be a joke"

      McD forgot the true magic number is 7, and that magic last ingredient is BACON (which you can get on just about any of their "sandwiches" -- for an extra price -- if you ask). And if McD had included a bacon candle, knowing how people love bacon -- even at Vulture Central -- the Vulture Hacks might not have been so quick to write off the whole idea.

      Of course, a McD bacon candle would smell like THEIR wimpy lifeless excuse rather than good super-thick super-long-strips (Wright brand, Costco Kirkland, etc.).

      I wonder if I could take the grease from frying a pack (1.5 pounds) and turn THAT into a candle...

      1. Diogenes

        Re: "Please let it be a joke"

        At least in most countries the McD bacon is at least porcine. For truly disgusting bacon try the turkey bacon in McDs Singapore

    6. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Re: "Please let it be a joke"

      I'm convinced that there are many people who would gladly light up one of those candles purely for fun,

      Or maybe sheer evil for when the MIL comes by.

  2. ukgnome
    Facepalm

    As the world around us either drowns or burns we take no notice because it is much more important making your house stink of hamburgers.

  3. macjules Silver badge
    Joke

    All candles at once

    For the maximum nasal experience you have to light all 6 candles together. In addition this should be used in conjunction with a soundtrack chosen especially for your burger moment. Hopefully one of them isn't Candle In The Wind.

    Those romantic evenings will just roll by ...

    1. ArrZarr Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: All candles at once

      And you just wanted to give your SO a Happy Meal.

      1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

        Re: All candles at once

        Only if there's a little toy

    2. John Sager

      Re: All candles at once

      TV Dinners - ZZ Top "I'm feelin' kinda rough"

    3. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

      Re: All candles at once

      Those romantic evenings will just roll by ...

      .. and bypass you completely.

  4. Zarno Bronze badge
    Pint

    McDouble might work as a candle...

    I found something funny a while back.

    Order a McDouble, put in fridge overnight.

    When you take it out the next day, it has a texture throughout that's close to waxy lard or SPAM. Still tastes edible though.

    Not a knock on the chain, some stuff just happens when food is outside it's service temperature.

    My preference is a big half pound single patty with cheddar, an egg, caramelized onions, mushrooms, bbq sauce, and maybe some pulled pork or fried peppers. Slap it all between two cheddar grilled cheese sandwiches for buns, and consume with a good pint of high ABV stout.

    1. Pascal Monett Silver badge
      Coat

      "Slap it all between two cheddar grilled cheese sandwiches for buns"

      Sir, I salute you and your casual disregard for your arteries. Maybe we can have lunch together one day ?

      1. Zarno Bronze badge

        My trick is to only have those monstrosities once a month or so, usually in the warmer months, to keep the pounds off.

        Although, now that I have a deep fryer, I'm thinking about doing either a tempura/beer batter or cheesy panko breaded version...

    2. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

      Re: McDouble might work as a candle...

      throughout that's close to waxy lard

      That's because it contains lots of fat. Which solidifies..

      (And it's why your mouth tastes of dripping for hours after the taste of the burger has faded.).

  5. William Towle
    Paris Hilton

    "...and

    these candles smell like our burgers"

    // Not Gwyneth, will have to do -->

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: "...and

      ** 100% beef curtains.

    2. Chris Jasper

      Re: "...and

      So wrong...........

  6. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge

    no publicity is bad publicity ...

    do you think maybe McD are putting these candles out not because they think anyone wants one , but because of the publicity garnered from journos writing about the absurdity of it , and if they're lucky , writing about how we all secretly grave big macs and its ok to have one?

    1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

      Re: no publicity is bad publicity ...

      how we all secretly grave big macs

      Funny how finger-slips reveal real truth..

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: no publicity is bad publicity ...

      Not too sure about that. I actually like McDonalds and eat there every few weeks, but the thought of those candles (even as a publicity stunt) is quite unpleasant and more likely to put me off the idea of their food.

      Back in the 90s, my local Virgin Megastore (located in a shopping mall) had a faint but noticeable scent that I can only assume was due to it being right next to a branch of McDonalds. It wasn't strong enough to be horrible, but I wouldn't want my house to smell like that, only stronger.

      1. Stork Silver badge

        Re: no publicity is bad publicity ...

        Each to his/her own. The only things from there I would consider (even before I largely dropped meat eating) is the fries and the coffee. Have found the burgers nauseating for years.

        Funny thing is my very omnivorous son is just the same, apart from not drinking coffee.

        1. Montreal Sean

          Re: no publicity is bad publicity ...

          The most satisfying thing I've gotten from McDonald's recently was a BM.

          1. werdsmith Silver badge

            Re: no publicity is bad publicity ...

            McFlurry is OK, and I did once like the long flat apple things.

            But I wouldn't even consider any of their other poo based burger products.

  7. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

    I wouldn't make my house smell of them on purpose, but McDonalds burgers are good value at the price they're sold at, taste pretty good and are convenient if you're hungry and passing.

    Is pretending McDonalds is awful some wanky London thing?

    1. Excellentsword (Written by Reg staff)

      Hot take!

    2. Charlie Clark Silver badge

      good value at the price they're sold at

      Heh? Since when have McDonalds carbohydate bombs ever been "good value" when compared with other fast food? Fish and chips is definitely tastier, more filling and healthier.

      taste pretty good

      Can you taste anything beyond sugar, stodge and fat? The beef itself is fine but the rest (and this applies to most burger & relish combinations) is really just a DIY diabetes type II kit.

      1. baud Bronze badge

        > when compared with other fast food

        it might depends on what other options for fast food are available where that particular person is. I, for one, would like to have an affordable source of fish and chips close by.

        1. Chris G Silver badge

          We have quite a few kebab shops run by Moroccans here the meat is Halal so always fresh, being Spain, the tomatoes are excellent and the spicy sauces they come up with are top endorphin stimulaters, MacD's on the other hand are expensive smell like a trash can and the sugary burger buns are only slightly less disgusting than the dildo* pickle that taints everything it comes close to.

          *Yes I know, but I doubt it has ever had anything to do with a vegetable.

          I would also like to know the legal definition of '100% Fresh Beef'.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Thumb Up

            Take your up-vote for dildo-pickle-taint, you earned it long and hard.

          2. JohnFen Silver badge

            > MacD's on the other hand [...] smell like a trash can

            I could never put my finger on what McDonald's smells like before -- only that it smells bad -- but reading those words gave me an aha! moment. That description is correct.

          3. baud Bronze badge

            Personally I like the taste of those pickles… Perhaps they've got a different supplier in France?

          4. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            For kebabs, the freshness of the meat can vary wildly from one shop to the other, depending on the number of customers

        2. Gene Cash Silver badge

          > affordable source of fish and chips close by.

          Funny enough I'm about to drive to the only source of fish & chips here in Orlando. They're a 45 minute drive, and they only do fish'n'chips on Fridays. And they're not cheap.

          Sigh.

          1. werdsmith Silver badge

            Funny enough I'm about to drive to the only source of fish & chips here in Orlando.

            Apart from the Harry Potter restaurant in Universal Studios and the British bit of Epcot.I'm pretty sure there used to be one in downtown Disney - whatever that is called now - Disney Springs.

            None of those versions of fish and chips are in any way like the real thing. The Harry Potter one is closer to fishfingers than a proper monster battered cod filliet bigger than your plate.

      2. Snake Silver badge

        "Fish and chips is definitely tastier, more filling and healthier."

        You *are* speaking about deep fried white fish and deep fried white potatoes, you know. Which meal will kill you faster?

        Just about equal, I'd reckon.

    3. JohnFen Silver badge

      > taste pretty good

      We must have different taste buds! To me, McDonald's food is acceptable enough if I'm starving and there are no other options, but it's not food I'd willingly eat under other circumstances. The smell of it, though, is pretty bad.

    4. MiguelC Silver badge
      Joke

      Oh come on, even if those stranded after the Flight 571 crash had MacD's patties available, they would nevertheless choose cannibalism

    5. Gene Cash Silver badge
      IT Angle

      Actually, for the IT angle, I go in because they have the only working order kiosks.

      I can go in, tap my order in quickly and correctly, pay for it, then sit down and they bring my tray.

      It saves having to explain my order to some idiot that then either misunderstood me or just can't be bothered to punch it up correctly. I'm looking at you, Taco Bell, Kentucky Fried Chicken, Burger King and Wendy's.

      It meets that magic triangle of value, convenience, and taste.

      Now I did have once when I ordered my QPC with extra onions and got one with no onions because the bloke didn't bother to check which burger he was grabbing. It was amusing to think of the reaction of the person that got my burger with extra onions having ordered none. I know how people that hate onions go ballistic about them.

      1. JohnFen Silver badge

        > I go in because they have the only working order kiosks.

        It's interesting how different people are. I absolutely, deeply, despise those kiosks.

        1. Denarius Silver badge

          bacteria infested

          @JohnFen: Says it all. In Oz kiosks were found to be incredibly bug infested. Given the number of people who don't wash, especially after being in toilets that was no surprise. As for kiosks with touch screens, in the last 5 years the arrival of the abominations has made sledgehammers mandatory in back pocket. The insensitivity of modern screens incites regret for dedicated buttons that mostly worked.

          1. IGotOut

            Re: bacteria infested

            Does it matter how filthy the screens are because I'm sure you wash you hands BEFORE eating?

            Thought not

    6. veti Silver badge

      No, it's just recognising simple facts. I haven't been to a McDonald's in 20 years, and in all that time I've never missed it one bit.

      I have no beef with any other burger chains - including but not limited to Wendy's, Burger King, Burger Fuel - but something about McD's food would always make me feel sick afterwards. Not just the burgers, either - eat anything from their menu and my digestion would revolt.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Technicolor Yawn

    Pavement Pizza

    I don't feel so well.

  9. Rich 11 Silver badge

    Has their marketing department really thought this through?

    Why is that foremost candle turd-coloured?

  10. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
    1. Commswonk Silver badge

      Re: Gwyneth would rather you had a whiff of this...

      New keyboard please.

      Like NOW.

    2. John H Woods Silver badge

      Re: Gwyneth would rather you had a whiff of this...

      Seriously don't know whether to upvote you or downvote you for bringing that to my attention

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Gwyneth would rather you had a whiff of this...

      Apparently the "100% Fresh Beef**" is indistinguishable and at a fraction of the price....

      1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
        Alert

        Re: Gwyneth would rather you had a whiff of this...

        One can only hope these are not from the same manufacturer as the "BigMac" ones - in the event of a production mixup, some people are in for a surprise

    4. EVP Bronze badge
      Coat

      Re: Gwyneth would rather you had a whiff of this...

      What if her vagina smells like a regular candle? So they are just regular candles she markets. Just a thought...

      (I need a new mind after reading this thread, my post included.)

      1. moiety Silver badge

        Re: Gwyneth would rather you had a whiff of this...

        Mother Superior: "Candles out girls!"

        Sound effect: *squish, POP!*

  11. Roger Kynaston
    Devil

    Mix it with one of those goop candles

    I'll leave it to commentard imaginations to fill in the rest.

    We need a puke icon!

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    > Each candle is, quoth Maccy D's new merch shop, "inspired by Quarter Pounder ingredients: Bun, Ketchup, Pickle, Cheese, Onion, 100% Fresh Beef**".

    > The "**" is a little disconcerting because there is no footnote to resolve them

    In ASCII art, a * is sometimes used to represent the anus, so you could read it as "fresh beef anuses".

  13. TRT Silver badge

    Lover's mittens??!! The romantic MaccyD?

    My S/O has got used to having a Whopper.

    1. werdsmith Silver badge

      Re: Lover's mittens??!! The romantic MaccyD?

      My S/O has got used to having a Whopper.

      Do you watch?

  14. Androgynous Cupboard Silver badge

    Candle made of meat

    For some reason the phrase “corpse gas” has lodged in my brain. Making an already bad image, worse.

  15. JohnFen Silver badge

    Oh, god no

    The smell of McDonald's food is borderline repulsive.

  16. smudge Silver badge
    Devil

    There's something missing

    Can I have fries with that, please?

  17. Carpet Deal 'em Bronze badge
    Trollface

    Please let it be a joke.

    So you say aloud, but we all know that, deep inside, you're lovin' it.

  18. Marketing Hack Silver badge

    I'd rather have a Quarter-Pounder scented candle....

    Than one of Gwyneth Paltrow's supposedly vagina-scented candles. Ugh!

    1. hplasm Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: I'd rather have a Quarter-Pounder scented candle....

      Filet-O-Fish Candle?

  19. Mark 85 Silver badge

    The locket....

    Remarkably, the store has already sold out of the "Quarter Pounder with Love" locket.

    I imagine that quite a few males have bought these for their lady for Valentines Day. Yes, I cringe at that the thought of seeing someone wearing one.

    1. JohnFen Silver badge

      Re: The locket....

      > I imagine that quite a few males have bought these for their lady for Valentines Day

      Do they still have girlfriends afterwards, though? I'm pretty sure that every woman I've ever dated would have seriously reconsidered being in a relationship with someone who got them this for a Valentine's Day gift.

  20. Stevie Silver badge

    Bah!

    So, beef-dripping candles then?

    I see no downside.

    1. Chris G Silver badge

      Re: Bah!

      I prefer my beef with roast potatoes, veg and gravy.

      Not with dripping candles.

      1. Stevie Silver badge

        Re: Bah!

        No-one who has smelled chips cooked in beef dripping will ever forget the Lorelei tug on the nose dragging them o'er hill and dale in order to buy a bag soonest. When I were at the University of Climategate you could smell them cooking in the market from the Unthank Road.

        Irresistible.

  21. TheProf Silver badge
    Terminator

    McSmell

    I've never eaten at a McDonalds* but I've accompanied friends when they've gone in there. I can't say I've noticed any food smells.

    I remarked to one friend that I would expect to smell cooked food, but all I detected was an 'air-conditioning slightly sanitised' scent.

    There's nothing wrong with my sense of smell so I can only assume that the Clown Factory are alerted to my imminent appearance and hastily clean the place up to within an inch of its life.

    *Or any other burger joint since that day in London many, many years ago.

    >My robot's got no nose icon.

    1. werdsmith Silver badge

      Re: McSmell

      Go outside, where the grills vent.

      Take a sick bag.

  22. Warm Braw Silver badge

    It's probably just a joke, right?

    I tried to look at the site and was prevented by Cloudflare who were keen for me to complete a captcha before being permitted access to the "web property" and to install "Privacy Pass", a browser extension aimed at creating long-term tokens that would track my subsequent visits to the site.

    Sounds to me like it's just a ploy to collect personal information.

    And if you want a candle that smells like McDonalds, can't you just stick a wick in a burger?

  23. Francis Boyle Silver badge

    The site

    describes the candles as "votive". I really don't want to imagine the god which would accept them as offerings.

  24. PhilipN Silver badge

    Evolution gains pace

    Read the labels in supermarkets. Nine times out of ten that lemon (or whatever) flavour is not lemon. Like most of the packaged foods on the shelves it comes from a chemical factory. Less than 50 years to get this way and we are not dropping like flies. No - we are thriving. So MacD is fine. In fact with a smidgen of protein and a soupçon of veggie is better than a lot of junk food. Particularly fine when flushed through the digestive system by a 1.5 litre Big Gulp of Pepsi, or Coke (or was that Burger King?).

    On the other hand, who mentioned tomatoes in Spain? *******! It is YEARS since I ate a tomato which tasted like a tomato. And don’t get me started on strawberries!

    1. werdsmith Silver badge

      Re: Evolution gains pace

      It is YEARS since I ate a tomato which tasted like a tomato.

      Spring time pick yourself up some baby tomato plants. Grow them in the open air (if you are in the UK our milder climate gives them a better taste). Make sure you have a cane and some string because they grow like crazy and yield dozens and dozens of fruits. The only crop easier to grow is rhubarb.

      Eat them straight off the vine and you will taste tomato.

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Opportunity?

    Maybe McD's and Gwyneth should team up? Imagine the Fillet 'o' Fish burger... renamed the McVag - This Tastes Like Gwyneths Vagina!

    1. Chris Jasper

      Re: Opportunity?

      Chris Martin seen loitering outside local McD's..........

    2. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: Opportunity?

      To borrow a slogan from KFC, would it be...

      "Finger lickin' good"

  26. 89724102172714182892114I7551670349743096734346773478647892349863592355648544996312855148587659264921 Bronze badge

    >fell magic

    typo

    1. Excellentsword (Written by Reg staff)

      Only if World of Warcraft is your dictionary.

  27. MrKrotos

    "Quarter Pounder with Love" locket

    Ah what a treat, it will go well with the tramp stamps on the council estates!

  28. AbeSapian

    Which Is Worse

    Which is worse, Goop Lab's vagina scented candle or a McDonald's Quarter Pounder scented candle.

    We report, you decide.

  29. Chris Jasper

    Honestly the only things I can eat from MuckyD's is the Breakfast Sausage and Egg Muffin (I refuse to add the Mc) with a hash brown and a coffee, the only things they sell that dont taste like despair and hopelessness and slightly of recycled cardboard.

    And occasionally the pancakes, if I'm feeling adventurous.

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