back to article BOFH: You brought nothing to the party but a six-pack of regret

BOFH logo telephone with devil's horns "... And so we're thinking that some way of getting a morale boost would be good," the Boss burbles. "And cash was ruled out because?" I ask. "Money is a temporary thing..." "Much like morale in that respect," the PFY notes. "The Director wants something longer term. Something less …

  1. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    Just the morale boost I needed

    The "private plummet license" is a phrase I might like to use more often

    1. Anonymous Custard Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Re: Just the morale boost I needed

      Being employable in the motor industry as a speed bump is also certainly going to get some re-usage...

      1. bpfh Silver badge

        Re: Just the morale boost I needed

        I think he was employed as a speed bump. Once...

        1. moooooooo

          Re: Just the morale boost I needed

          well you need to test reverse gear sometimes, so twice.

        2. Muscleguy Silver badge

          Re: Just the morale boost I needed

          It brought to my mind Arthur Dent lying in front of the bulldozer.

  2. Maverick
    Pint

    I agree one of the best new phrases in a while that "private plummet licence"

    cheers

    1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

      It's a great slow burner.

  3. Anonymous Custard Silver badge
    Trollface

    Phil the Toff

    Are you sure he's not just using his grandfather's name as an alias, having recently decided to become financially independent and to take a step back from his previous role?

    1. Rich 11 Silver badge

      Re: Phil the Toff

      Are you sure his grandfather's name wasn't John?

      1. This post has been deleted by its author

  4. chivo243 Silver badge
    Happy

    'You brought nothing to the party but a six pack of regret?'

    I'd buy it! It must be good with 6-pack and regret in the title!

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: 'You brought nothing to the party but a six pack of regret?'

      As Otis Lee Crenshaw says, "Country Music is just sittin' on the floor drinkin' a bottle of Jack Daniels with the big, lonely, salty tears pourin' down your cheeks - and tryin' to turn that misery and heartache into cold, hard cash."

      1. iron Silver badge

        Re: 'You brought nothing to the party but a six pack of regret?'

        As long as you don't come home with Jack Russel on your breath you're fine. :D

        1. Dr. G. Freeman

          Re: 'You brought nothing to the party but a six pack of regret?'

          So that isn't "hair of the dog" then ?

          1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

            Re: 'You brought nothing to the party but a six pack of regret?'

            Only if you've been at the cricket.

          2. Chris King Silver badge

            Re: 'You brought nothing to the party but a six pack of regret?'

            "Hair of the Dog" - I never really understood if they boiled the carcass down or liquidised it...

            1. Muscleguy Silver badge

              Re: 'You brought nothing to the party but a six pack of regret?'

              It's a reference to an old folk remedy against rabies. You have to consume a hair of the dog which bit you. A sort of sympathetic magin thing. The homeopaths are into that and there is doubtless a 1000C tincture of hair of the dog available as a tonic to ease your attachment to a former loved one (dogs being very faithful). That's how the 'logic' works.

          3. Sam 15

            Re: 'You brought nothing to the party but a six pack of regret?'

            "hair of the dog"

            That's a typo.

            It should read "Heir of the dog" - which is cognate with that other phrase "Son of a bitch".

        2. BebopWeBop Silver badge

          Re: 'You brought nothing to the party but a six pack of regret?'

          As the neighbours Rotweiller was told by his owner.

      2. Blackjack

        Re: 'You brought nothing to the party but a six pack of regret?'

        Change a few words and make a singer Black and is the Blues.

      3. J. Cook Silver badge
        Joke

        Re: 'You brought nothing to the party but a six pack of regret?'

        Just don't play those records backwards- Your girl/SO will come back, your truck will start working, but You'll have a zombie pet.

      4. Mark 85 Silver badge

        Re: 'You brought nothing to the party but a six pack of regret?'

        David Allen Coe did the perfect country song....https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWVdrEJIiqs

      5. steelpillow Silver badge
        Joke

        Re: 'You brought nothing to the party but a six pack of regret?'

        "Country Music is just sittin' on the floor drinkin' a bottle of Jack Daniels with the big, lonely, salty tears pourin' down your cheeks -"

        Yes, Jack Daniels has that effect on me. Ever since I read about it on Wikipedia; "The product meets the regulatory criteria for classification as a straight bourbon, though the company disavows this classification. It markets the liquor simply as Tennessee whiskey rather than as Tennessee bourbon. As defined in the North American Free Trade Agreement, Tennessee whiskey is classified as a straight bourbon authorized to be produced in the state of Tennessee. Tennessee law (57-2-106) further requires ..."

        I spent twenty years struggling to get by as a speed bump in the motor trade before I could face reality again.

        1. Dagg
          Joke

          Re: 'You brought nothing to the party but a six pack of regret?'

          "Country Music is just sittin' on the floor drinkin' a bottle of Jack Daniels with the big, lonely, salty tears pourin' down your cheeks -"

          Its like when you play a country music record backwards.

          * Your Truck starts

          * Your dog comes back from the dead

          * And your Wife / Girl friend comes back to you

    2. Chris King Silver badge

      Re: 'You brought nothing to the party but a six pack of regret?'

      Nah, it's probably some cheap cover version sung by someone called Billy-Bob - someone with six fingers on one hand who can play a mean banjo, but does so when the song really calls for a guitar.

    3. theblackhand Silver badge

      Re: 'You brought nothing to the party but a six pack of regret?'

      Meg Whitman liked a little country - maybe this is what she played at HP board meetings discussing recent acquisitions?

      1. Chris G Silver badge

        Re: 'You brought nothing to the party but a six pack of regret?'

        "Meg Whitman liked a little country"

        I assume that would be somewhere like Lichtenstein or some other tax haven she would like to buy.

      2. macjules Silver badge

        Re: 'You brought nothing to the party but a six pack of regret?'

        That's just the City of London. But only if the courts do her bidding, such as finding Lynch guilty and ordering him bound and gagged and ready for extraordinary rendition.

    4. JulieM Silver badge

      Re: 'You brought nothing to the party but a six pack of regret?'

      That's even better than "She feels like a million dollars, but she looks like two hundred pounds" .....

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Learnings

    I had expected one of the "learnings" to relate to a tainted cake and the obvious lack of institutional memory that it demonstrates.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Learnings

      I have to say that's one of the Americanisms I hate with a vengeance "learnings", makes me shudder to read it, let alone here it!!!!! It just sounds like something one of my children would have said before they learnt to speak properly.

      It's a constant fight getting it removed from minutes or "retrospectives"....

      1. Dr. Mouse Silver badge

        Re: Learnings

        "learnings", makes me shudder to read it, let alone here it!!!!!

        Completely agree! Have an up vote!

      2. Alister Silver badge

        Re: Learnings

        makes me shudder to read it, let alone here it

        Hmm...

        1. Nick Ryan Silver badge

          Re: Learnings

          I have just mis-read this as Lemmings. I'm not sure that this is entirely inappropriate and could even be more accurate.

          1. rskurat

            Re: Learnings

            These ridiculous MBA-isms have nothing to do with communicating, and everything to do with being part of the club. I remember when they couldn't be arsed to figure out affect/effect and so substituted "impact" which was infuriating.

      3. Korev Silver badge
        Pint

        Re: Learnings

        >"learnings", makes me shudder to read it

        Me too, have an upvote and a Friday pint

      4. Charlie Clark Silver badge

        Re: Learnings

        Abominable consultant babble knows no borders. Let me onboard you with the latest thinkings.

      5. Chris 239

        Re: Learnings

        And I hear that commentards that complain about others use of English should be very, very careful about speeling and homophones in there post and also it's punctuation. ;-)

        1. J. Cook Silver badge
          Pirate

          Re: Learnings

          Yup- Aye kun spel rel gud- huked ahn fonix werks fer meh.

        2. Charlie van Becelaere

          Re: Learnings

          Indeed.

          I generally vet my comments with a recent copy of "How to Speak Well English."

          1. Stoneshop Silver badge
            Coat

            "How to Speak Well English."

            Wet and with lots of echo?

            1. theblackhand Silver badge

              Re: "How to Speak Well English."

              Deep...very deep

        3. Psychomech

          Re: Learnings

          That would be their, not there. ;)

          1. the spectacularly refined chap

            Re: Learnings

            We really do need a "whoosh!" icon.

            1. Tom 7 Silver badge

              Re: Learnings

              That would burn out my monitor.

      6. GFK1

        Re: Learnings

        Sports peoples and their coaches and commentards have latched onto it thoroughly the past year or so, does my head in.

        Lessons! What’s wrong with “Lessons”!? It’s what you mean, you boofheads... stop trying to sound clever.

        1. Tom 7 Silver badge

          Re: Learnings

          I thought it was a USAinism.

          1. Trilkhai

            Re: Learnings

            Not as far as I've ever seen or heard, but then I don't pay much attention to sports.

      7. FlippingGerman

        Re: Learnings

        "Gifted", "birthed", ugh.

      8. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
        Headmaster

        Re: Learnings

        before they learnted to speak properly

        FTFY

        1. A K Stiles Silver badge
          Headmaster

          Re: Learnings

          ahem...

          http://www.bbc.co.uk/worldservice/learningenglish/radio/specials/1535_questionanswer/page50.shtml

      9. ICPurvis47 Bronze badge
        Flame

        Re: Learnings

        My particular bugbear at the moment is "di-sect". The word is "dis-sect", it has two esses in the middle. The american TV programmes are mainly to blame, they mangle this particular word, but don't similarly bastardise such words as dissent, dissemble, disseminate, dissident, etc., etc.. Makes me shudder and shout at the telly whenever it is uttered.

        1. Toltec

          Re: Learnings

          I wonder if they are confusing it with bisect?

      10. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge
        Headmaster

        Re: Learnings

        makes me shudder to read it, let alone here it!!!!!

        tsk.

      11. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge

        Re: Learnings

        "learnings", makes me shudder to read i

        "I could care less"

        That's the real bad guy!

      12. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Learnings

        I have to say that's one of the Americanisms I hate with a vengeance "learnings", makes me shudder to read it, let alone here it

        I always assumed it was a British misspeak, like the way they pluralize math.

      13. sofaspud

        Re: Learnings

        I didn't realize it was an Americanism -- I rather thought it was from the other side of the pond, because absolutely *nobody* I know uses it (I'm American).

  6. OGShakes

    "Being employable in the motor industry as a speed bump"

    I had an apprentice hired somewhere years ago that could have described, he was hired because his dad was a big thing at a big customer.

    1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      Re: "Being employable in the motor industry as a speed bump"

      That's nostalgia, the son of a boss being hired as an apprentice a a friends company - instead of being given the money to create his own blue-sky imagineering consultancy and games studio

  7. NBCanuck

    Welcome back!

    I've been going through BOFH withdrawal. Glad to have so many over a short period....and hoping to have them monthly again.

    1. Antonius_Prime

      Re: Welcome back!

      Monthly?! I remember when it was weekly!

      Those were good times...

  8. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    "I'll need a glass of water"

    Water? Is this some January detox thing?

    1. Wellyboot Silver badge
      Pint

      It clears the palate before a proper friday drink :)

      1. Chloe Cresswell

        Plus clearing the sick taste from your mouth with beer would be a waste of beer?

        1. Charlie Clark Silver badge
          Pint

          Only if you don't swallow.

          Doesn't it look good?

  9. Locky
    Coffee/keyboard

    Priority calling at Samaritans

    That's my "not laughing at jokes that will send me to hell" resolution broken then

    1. Huw D Silver badge
      Devil

      Re: Priority calling at Samaritans

      The fact that there's only a Starway to Heaven but there's a Highway to Hell says a lot about traffic volumes.

      1. This post has been deleted by its author

  10. Boris the Cockroach Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    New year

    Same old BOFH

    Does anyone apart from him and the PFY survive an entire year working in the same building....

    Incidently I had a boss, fresh from uni, with a toff accent, RP english and the brains of a dead sparrow that had been run over by a road roller, got the job because he was the in the same college as the owner's son......... (cue much burbled rememberings.... )

    1. Joe W Silver badge

      Re: New year

      There was some story on ElReg end of last year by someone who actually was the BOFH's boss (and the bastardness did rub off on him, if I remember correctly, I passed a lot of recycled beer since then).

      1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge
        1. Tom 7 Silver badge

          Re: New year

          Coupla hundred grand please.

          1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

            Re: New year

            Sure thing. Just take your bank balance and convert it to Iranian Rial.

    2. Blackjack

      Re: New year

      The Janitor has been the same guy for twenty years. He not only knows were the bodies are buried, he knows everything because he has to deal with the literal trash.

      A fired techie might wipe the database in anger, a fired Janitor will make sure your life is Hell.

      He might not know much of computers but he has copies of all the keys in the building.

      He is the guy who they call to clean every mess, so he got blackmail by the truckloads. He might not know your browser search story but he is the one who saw the stains you left after work.

      Worse, most people do not even know the guy name, he is just the janitor for them.

      He is at work before they open and leaves hours after closing.

      1. Alister Silver badge

        Re: New year

        Who is Penry, the mild-mannered janitor?

        Could he be a secret super-hero?

        1. Blackjack

          Re: New year

          No, he just got screwed by the Internet Bubble and so he couldn't retire.

      2. Charlie Clark Silver badge

        Re: New year

        He is also, always, a relation of the BOFH, usually the dad.

  11. Captain Scarlet Silver badge
    Devil

    We just need to share more of ourselves

    Like go into a lift, pass wind as you exit and run because you don't actually work in that building.

  12. Antron Argaiv Silver badge
    Happy

    Posters with platitudes

    Philip has never visited the despair.com website, has he?

    "It could be that the purpose of your life is to serve as a warning to others"

    "We're not paying you to believe in the power of your dreams. Get back to work."

    "Not everyone gets to be an astronaut"

    ...with appropriate images, of course.

    1. Kevin Johnston

      Re: Posters with platitudes

      I have introduced so many people to that site and the smile that lights up their face as they work through the posters brings a small tear to my eye

    2. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
      Happy

      Re: Posters with platitudes

      My brother gave me one of their glass coffee mugs. It has a white line going round the middle of it, simply labled, "half empty".

      1. Alister Silver badge

        Re: Posters with platitudes

        The pessimist sees the glass as half-empty, the optimist sees it as half-full, and the engineer sees it as twice the size it needs to be.

        We see https://what-if.xkcd.com/6/

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Posters with platitudes

          Half full or half empty?

          Depends, are you filling it up or emptying it?

          1. Swarthy Silver badge
            Pint

            Re: Posters with platitudes

            Half Empty? Half Full?

            Nah, I'm half-way to my next drink.

          2. Dagg

            Re: Posters with platitudes

            Half full or half empty?

            Depends on what it contains.

            Warm school milk or beer...

        2. Blofeld's Cat
          Pint

          Re: Posters with platitudes

          Dear Optimist and Pessimist,

          While you were arguing over whether the glass was half full or half empty, I drank it.

          The Opportunist

        3. earl grey Silver badge
          Devil

          Re: Posters with platitudes

          And the arsehole says it's never empty; there's always something in it (you can't make a perfect vacuum).

      2. Terry 6 Silver badge
        Happy

        Re: Posters with platitudes

        One of the (few) things my wife and I have in common is our "The glass is nearly half empty " attitude.

    3. Giles C

      Re: Posters with platitudes

      One of my favourite sites, and one of the best is

      SHOOT FOR THE MOON

      Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars. Of course, then your eyeballs will boil and your lungs explode from decompression. But that's what you get for being a damn showoff.

      Bet we all work with someone this describes

      1. MichaelBirks

        Re: Posters with platitudes

        Not to mention the several thousand years it's take to reach the stars.

  13. Chris G Silver badge

    Psychonsultant

    All in all, Simon probably did Phillip a huge favour. After all he was at the top of his arc, having got his degree and an actual job, it would have been a downward curve from there so he was saved a lot of grief.

    1. Wellyboot Silver badge

      Re: Psychonsultant

      A downward arc with a defined endpoint 'was' provided by Simon.

    2. Ken Hagan Gold badge

      Re: Psychonsultant

      I mis-read that as "saved a lot of golf.". Hmm...

  14. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

    2020 ..... Just Another EMPhatic Year for Ground Zero 0Days.

    All the signs here in replies to the Director's wishes are most encouraging of further outrageous shenanigans in both Common Private and Communal Pirate Communications Fields.

    :-) Do you imagine it a near perfect fit for weirdos and misfits with odd skills as recently advertised as being considered for special service here .......... https://dominiccummings.com/2020/01/02/two-hands-are-a-lot-were-hiring-data-scientists-project-managers-policy-experts-assorted-weirdos/

    An Ageing Eton Mess is No Stranger to a Strawberry Field Fool, and that usually Results in the Need, Seed and Feed of a Major Systems ReBoot and Full Executive Administration Overhaul.

    Some would say that be tantamount to being certainly quite revolutionary ...... with others able to add and laud and applaud such as delivering quantum leap evolutionary too.

    cc dmc2.cummings at you know where.

  15. Chris King Silver badge
    Holmes

    "Philip is a consultant"

    And with those four words, we've already identified this week's first victim...

  16. Chris King Silver badge

    When "Pot Luck" actually puts you on the pot...

    "After the laxative cake of 2012 no one's going to take snacks from us," the PFY points out.

    I'm amazed they didn't go for a sedative-laxative combo... You'll shit yourself, but you won't give a shit about it.

    Add in a little LSD for extra effect - having someone screaming "CAN'T YOU SEE THAT BLOODY DRAGON ON THE BOARDROOM TABLE ?!" as they void themselves will live long in corporate memory...!

    1. Chris G Silver badge

      Re: When "Pot Luck" actually puts you on the pot...

      LSD doesn't really have that kind of effect, mescalin on the other hand......

      1. herman Silver badge

        Re: When "Pot Luck" actually puts you on the pot...

        Eeek... I take it that you are an expert in both substances?

      2. Mike_G

        Re: When "Pot Luck" actually puts you on the pot...

        I beg to differ:

        I was young, going through my rebel phase and experimenting, cue Purple Microdots.

        Running through a shopping precint aged about 16, crying my eyes out, shaking with feer, I run upto a Security Guard asking him to save me, dont let him eat me, proceeding to then piss myself and all over the floor in full view of everybody out doing some weekend shopping,

        Having been in a place I wasnt sure off, on my own, and walking pasted McDonalds, I genuinly though Ham Burglur was going to eat me.

        Luckily later experiences went alot better.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: When "Pot Luck" actually puts you on the pot...

          > Luckily later experiences went alot better.

          Out of interest, what made you think the second was going to be any different to the first?

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: When "Pot Luck" actually puts you on the pot...

            I had a few nice goes of it in the early 90s , then couldnt get it ever again.

            I dont think i'd take it again now because of fear of those sort of experiences , which in itself would probably lead to them occuring

  17. the Jim bloke Silver badge
    Devil

    Had the department rotating morning tea roster thing at one of my previous jobs

    .. one department brought in cakes and things, the admin/reception chickies brought carrot and celery sticks and dip..

    When It came to my turn, it was a quick trip into town and a big bucket of KFC.

    I know its evil, but it was also pretty popular.

  18. Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

    "After the laxative cake of 2012 no one's going to take snacks from us," the PFY points out. "Still, if we kept visitor groups small..."

    Beautiful. Think I'm going to do the same.

  19. Colonel Mad

    The Conversation

    I just love these.

  20. Tom Paine Silver badge

    "Private Plummet Licence"

    Very good, very GOOD! XD

  21. FozzyBear Silver badge
    Mushroom

    Laxative cake

    Ah, memories.

    Earlier days of shift work. One guy on afternoon and night shifts would simply steal peoples food from the fridge. You would get back to find your container with just chicken bones or empty sandwich wrappers. The guy was a fucking pig. Even when caught we continued doing it

    Plan formulated for next night shift . One of the girls came in with a beatifully crafted birthday cake. She must have been pissed at him. Liquid laxative in the cake. Chocolate Laxative in the icing and Laxative Chocolate buttons as decorations. Everyone gets a small slice and just before we can all "enjoy" our birthday cake an emergency call is received. Everyone runs out leaving said pig with the cake.

    By our reckoning he ate about a third of the cake. Though he claimed the peices fell on the ground when he was putting the cake back in the bridge for everyone

    Came back 2 days later looking at little paler and thinner. The fat bastard ate the rest of the cake when no one was around!

    1. Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

      Re: Laxative cake

      Haribo Sugar Free Gummy Bears is a surefire thing. The latest I've read on Amazon's reviews page is this :

      To preface this, I will state that it is not good to upset anyone in the military supply network. This is especially true for a supply NCO (non-commissioned officer) who can be both creative and vindictive to those who earn his ire.

      One of my biggest pet peeves was troopies who walked into my supply room and decided to go through things on my counter or desk. It is for this reason that I purchased two bags of these sweet little revenge snacks.

      I briefed my minions that morning that the snacks were to be unsullied by their hands. I told them that I would know and it would not go unpunished by both myself and the higher powers. They thought I was joking, but decided to not test my authority before my eyes.

      With that said, I placed the bowl on the back part of the counter just in reach of anyone loitering inside my supply room. The rules were posted for all to see when they came in. So, they were warned. A large sign that said, “If you touch my stuff, you will be punished.” They decided to test me, I guess.

      On this weekend, we were set to do general cleaning and maintenance within the Battalion. So, my desk was rather busy (Battalion Headquarters supply room). I was in and out of my office all day. However, I made sure to take general measurements of my bowl of horror every time I came back.

      Shortly before lunch, my unholy wrath began to strike. My supply room is one door down from the latrines and the row of male commodes is on the other side of the wall from my desk. It was the first, but was not the last.

      It was initially heralded by the sound of Gabriel’s trumpet escaping the sphincter of one poor soul. He hit the latrine and sounded as if he kicked the stall door open. For the next thirty minutes, I listened to the sounds of a live humpback whale being butchered by a blind man wielding a chainsaw.

      It was not long before another troop, this time a female, made her way to the latrine. She came from the indoor pistol range and had to cross in front of my door. I saw a pale woman with sweat streaking her face. She was hobbling with one hand on the wall for support and the other on her stomach praying for just a little more time.

      For lunch, I ripped into an MRE (the Army brown bag lunch) and listened to the ever-growing chorus of those who had so far snuck down half of my bowl of brightly-colored Improvised Colon Explosive Devices. I was not sure if the other side of the building was seeing the same activity in the latrines, but the smell reached my door by the end of lunch. Good thing I was stationed with an Infantry unit for the first four years of my career, so I was accustomed to bad odors.

      One of my minions did not return from lunch, so I volunteered another to perform a possibly suicidal scouting mission into the male latrine in search of my wayward soul. He was there, and had been since the beginning of lunch.

      By 15:00 (3:pM), I was told that the unit was being locked down and there was an emergency meeting in the Battalion briefing room. I had a suspicion of the reason, but attended as I was ordered to do so. By this time, my bowl of gelatinous bowel howitzer ammunition was one quarter filled.

      The meeting began slightly off schedule. At 15:22, the Sergeant Major walked into the room and looked as if he had just performed a three-day combat operation without sleep. The Battalion X.O. walked in not long after and looked as if he had been intimately assaulted by a rather insistent horse. I used all of my military bearing to keep from cracking a joke about cavalry officers walking bow-legged.

      The Battalion Surgeon walked in and told us that there was a high chance that the unit had come in contact with a strange stomach bug. Roughly half of the battalion was complaining of stomach cramps and explosive diarrhea. It seemed to mostly be affecting HHC (the headquarters) and C Co. (the company that was on the same side of the building as us—also the medics). Until symptoms cleared up, the unit was in lock-down and cleaning mode.

      I went back to my supply room with the intent to bag up the remaining evidence of my involvement only to find that the bowl was missing. My minions were too wrapped up to notice anything, though. So, I began a search for the evidence that would probably land me in front of a firing squad.

      The empty bowl was located in the admin offices. Someone found it and decided to liberate it from my supply room for the only group that I didn’t want to upset. But, they had already consumed the remainder of the biological weapons. As I left with the bowl, I heard the familiar sound of incoming fire from the senior pay clerk’s desk, followed shortly after by what sounded like Lamaze breathing.

      That weekend, the entire building was cleaned from one side to the other. MREs were consumed in the hopes of plugging the torrential flood of liquid terror and every door and window was opened with fans going over a cup of pinesol in every room. Three-quarters of the enlisted and half of the officers were hit with the mystery stomach bug and the medical supply room was in desperate need of more I.V. kits.

      I don’t know if my message got across, but it was definitely an entertaining weekend.

  22. thosrtanner

    Burbling

    This: We were talking about rabbit holes at Book Club last night" the Boss burbles, forgetting our wolf-like tendencies when a slow animal is separated from the herd. "We're reading Alice in Wonderland!"

    Which immediately triggered the memory that the Jaberwock is known to burble. One of these days the wolves might be in for a surprise. Just sayin'

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