back to article We live so fast I can't even finish this sent...

Call me an idiot* but I have no idea what you are talking about, why you're saying it or indeed what's going on any more. Oh, and welcome to the Year 51-85-139. Do you know what I'm talking about? No? Then you know exactly what I'm talking about. Worried that my weekly outbursts of cynicism here might simply betray a …

  1. Khaptain Silver badge

    Zen Wisdom - Required for contemporary survival.

    "Ignore it or take the piss out of it."

    Can easilly be applied to most of what the various media are continually spewing out..

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: Zen Wisdom - Required for contemporary survival.

      ...especially media and press release references to "AI"

    2. macjules Silver badge

      Re: Zen Wisdom - Required for contemporary survival.

      Ah the UK 'medja', where The Sun is twinned with yet another latrine in suburban Kampala.

  2. Pascal Monett Silver badge

    Twinning toilets

    At first, upon reading that sentence, I thought "what the hell is that ?". When finished with the article (nice rant btw, great start to the New Year there), I searched for it, and found that it is yet another way to get valuable aid to poor countries. No way you can complain about it in this era of enforced political correctness.

    However, there are already several high-profile aid organisms working in poor countries and funneling masses of money and effort to help out, so why is there a need of yet another organism which is much more obscure and whose reliability is not well established ? I am always wary of non-profits I've never heard about ; you have no idea what they're actually doing with the money nor how efficient they are in bringing the aid they say they bring. I'd want to see other photos of twinned toilets to control that they're not sending the same picture to every company that forks over the money.

    1. dak

      Re: Twinning toilets

      There are indeed lots of high-profile aid organisms [sic] but they tend to come with CEOs with high-profile pay packets so I steer away from them and work directly with local people where I can, avoiding any expensive overheads.

      I'm sure the toilet-twinning bunch are good folk but if you are still basking in the post-Christmas glow of goodwill and generosity, could I point you towards here - http://kitegacc.org/. I am personally connected with this fine organisation and can vouch for their work.

      Oh, and they build toilets, too.

      1. W.S.Gosset Silver badge
        Pirate

        Kitega CC

        > http://kitegacc.org/. I am personally connected with this fine organisation

        "Malware detected" per BitDefender, & access blocked.

        1. dak

          Re: Kitega CC

          Thanks, I'll let them know.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Twinning toilets

      It seems legit, I've used them a few times...they've been around for more than a few years as well.

      But...there is a disclaimer that the toilet in the photograph is not the exact one you're sponsoring. Not only is it not cost-efficient for them to go round photographing every single toilet in Africa, but it also gives them the freedom to pool resources if it is decided that it's more economical to build a public multi-user facility in the village...or it's possible that the toilet you're paying for is going to be BUILT using your funds, so obviously there's no photograph yet.

      It does seem like a worthwhile cause, given how bad sanitation is one of the deadliest problems, yet one of the easiest to fix.

      It's also not that obscure. They frequently advertise in service stations up and down the country, and have been for a long time.

      1. Claverhouse Silver badge

        Re: Twinning toilets

        Not only is it not cost-efficient for them to go round photographing every single toilet in Africa

        Dunno, my pal Quentin --- well, acquaintance, really -- was in charge of a scheme to twin public toilets [ men's only ] between London & Home Counties and Newcastle and mining villages, to encourage a warm brotherhood or something: so he spent a lot of time hanging around public lavatories in Hampstead or Blaydon with his little camera in his hand.

        I really didn't know him very well.

    3. Julz Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: Twinning toilets

      Are they taking the piss?

      1. Andy Non Silver badge

        Re: Twinning toilets

        Someone is probably making a shit load of money out of it.

    4. Semtex451 Silver badge

      Re: Twinning toilets

      I wondered if the one in Uganda also had lines of what looked like talcum powder in it too

    5. Anoymous Coward

      Re: Twinning toilets

      In case anyone is interested, the good folk running Toilet Twinning used to be an independent charity, but to reduce overheads it is now run by www.Tearfund.org, one of the UK's largest Disaster Relief and Community Development charities. My loo is twinned with one in CAR.

  3. SVV Silver badge

    Now you know what 2020 is going to look like

    And in case you want to know what 2020 is going to taste like, the official flavour is salt and vinegar.

    The cult of fleeting change at an ever increasing rate has more than a little to do with the fact that not only is implementing a tech solution with something new and shiny much more exciting than using something perfectly adequate that's been aound for decades, it also allows people to blame the incompetent mess they produce on the fact that the technology's not yet "mature" and claim that all will be miraculous once all the magical new features arrive in the next version. After a few cycles of this, they decide to reimplement everything using a completely different new hype. This has the marvellous benefit of covering up the fact that the system would have been rubbish whatever was used to create it, and devalues the concept of experience in favour of the constant trend surfer.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Now you know what 2020 is going to look like

      > And in case you want to know what 2020 is going to taste like, the official flavour is salt and vinegar.

      Why stop at "xxx of the year"? Let's further moronize this nonsense by asking "influencers" what they thing will be the xxx of 2021, and flood the web with sites like "We discovered what will be the xxx of 2021 and you will not believe your eyes!".

      And let's do all that by June 2020.

      -- Satan (aka the Satan of 2020)

      1. Ordinary Donkey

        Re: Now you know what 2020 is going to look like

        (aka the Satan of 2020)

        I heard that was going to be Claire Balding, after some rather damaging revelations about something she said in primary school.

      2. the Jim bloke Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: Now you know what 2020 is going to look like

        Surprised that "influencers" arent going all 'gangsta' and 'street' by spelling it as "influenzas"

        might have a better chance of going viral..

    2. Franco Silver badge

      Re: Now you know what 2020 is going to look like

      "And in case you want to know what 2020 is going to taste like, the official flavour is salt and vinegar."

      That's disappointing, as the official colour would indicate that the official flavour is cheese and onion.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Now you know what 2020 is going to look like

        I'm old enough to still associate blue with salt and vinegar, and green with cheese and onion. Those colours made sense, and I have no idea when the 'official colours' for crip packets changed.

        1. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

          Re: Now you know what 2020 is going to look like

          Pick your sides in the Holy War between Golden Wonder and Walkers.

          1. Franco Silver badge

            Re: Now you know what 2020 is going to look like

            or KP or Tudor or even Smiths depending on where you were from, Tayto for our Irish commentards no doubt.

            1. Loyal Commenter Silver badge
              Coat

              Re: Now you know what 2020 is going to look like

              Only if you give me a mug of Barry's to wash them down with...

            2. Tom Wood

              Re: Now you know what 2020 is going to look like

              The best crisps are Yorkshire's own Seabrooks, cheese and onion flavour, which come in a yellow bag. Which is probably the closest 4-bit colour to cheese, or onions for that matter.

              1. Alistair Dabbs

                Re: Now you know what 2020 is going to look like

                I stopped buying crisps when I left school so perhaps someone here can enlighten me: do they still sell packets of unflavoured crisps that come with a little sachet of salt that you can sprinkle into the packet and shake it up?

                1. Franco Silver badge

                  Re: Now you know what 2020 is going to look like

                  They do indeed, Salt n Shake. Although Walkers own Smiths now as well.

                2. Anonymous Coward
                  Anonymous Coward

                  Re: Now you know what 2020 is going to look like

                  "[...] with a little sachet of salt [...] "

                  An innovation that was harder to open than the previous twist of blue paper. On occasion you were delivered a newsworthy packet full of salt packages - and no crisps.

              2. veti Silver badge

                Re: Now you know what 2020 is going to look like

                It sounds like you poor heathens back in the Old Country have missed out on the veritable renaissance of crisps that we've been enjoying here in the colonies.

                Here at my elbow is a bowl of hand-cooked, organic, beer-flavoured (Nelson hop) "Proper" crisps. As far beyond "kettle chips" as kettles themselves are beyond the cheap, oily experience that is Walkers'. And they're not the only domestic manufacturer of gourmet crisps - there's at least a couple more.

                1. Intractable Potsherd Silver badge

                  Re: Now you know what 2020 is going to look like

                  Re: "proper" crisps - my local branch of Aldi (cheap supermarket in the UK and other bits of Europe) were selling Guinness-flavoured crisps before Christmas. They were so good, I bought many packets (since Aldi tend to stop selling anything you want to buy fairly quickly), but now they have all gone. Now I feel 51-85-139...

            3. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
              Pint

              Re: Now you know what 2020 is going to look like

              Anyone remember ChipMonk\Munk crisps (Not seen them since the late 60's).

              Golden Wonders flavors to bring back & properly, not tasting like half a dozen varients of acid.

              Savoury Sausage

              Sausage & Tomato

              Icon because they go well with crisps.

        2. gotes

          Re: Now you know what 2020 is going to look like

          Walkers Squares (formerly Smiths square crisps) still use blue for salt & vinegar and green for cheese & onion, despite the Walkers branding.

      2. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

        Re: Now you know what 2020 is going to look like

        the official flavour is cheese and onion

        Ew! If you like eating something that tastes like satans jockstrap after a particularly vigourous burning (I imagine - I lack direct experience since satan is only a human imagination..) then feel free to eat cheese and onion crisps.

        They probably wouldn't taste as bad if they actually tasted of cheese and onion. But they don't. They taste far, far, far worse.

        Anyone that doesn't think that salt and vinegar is the One True Crisp Flavour (with the occasional nod to ready salted) is an evil unredeemed heretic and will burn in the bonfire of (crisp packet) vanities. So there!

        (And I refuse to mention the utter abomination that is the cocktail made from 'shrimp'. Because even thinking about it imperils my utterly mortal soul.)

        1. Franco Silver badge

          Re: Now you know what 2020 is going to look like

          Only a Sith deals in absolutes. :-)

          IMO there is no "best" crisp flavour, because different brands of crisps have flavours that I prefer that others do not.

          Walkers: Worcester Sauce

          McCoys: Bacon Sizzler

          Highlander: Bacon and Brown Sauce

          Hula Hoops: Chilli

          Kettle Chips: Salt and Pepper

          Sensations: Chicken and Thyme

          Pringles: Salted

        2. Muscleguy Silver badge

          Re: Now you know what 2020 is going to look like

          Back in NZ it's Sour cream and chive which I feel is a closer description of the trope. They are thickish crinkle cut as well and very moreish. Though the bags you can buy online here in the UK tend to be too well travelled and full of crumbs when you want something you can dip.

          De rigeur in NZ is onion dip. Take one packet Maggi onion soup, add reduced cream and 1tsp vinegar, mix and refrigerate for at least an hour to firm up. Even if there are more sophisticated salsa type dips there will ALWAYS be an onion dip.

    3. Dr Scrum Master

      Re: Now you know what 2020 is going to look like

      With all the fuss (from the idle commenterai) about the noughties, the teens and the relief of being in the twenties - a sensibly-named decade - I couldn't help but wonder that this is only a recent phenomenon.

      What culture in history would be some disposability-obsessed as to name its decades?

      1. ArrZarr Silver badge

        Re: Now you know what 2020 is going to look like

        Cultures where life changed sufficiently quickly that each decade could have a distinct identity. Just look at computers since the 50s along with a view on what a computer from that decade was like from a '90s child. At no other point in history has the rate of change been so great that each decade could be readily distinguished just by the tech you would see in people's houses.

        50s - An analog world with only the daring looking at these new-fangled whajamacallems.

        60s - An analog world with computers that are as small as a garage. Two computers occasionally talk to each other under laboratory conditions.

        70s - Everything massively process driven is computerised: banks, ATC get their own software. It's very basic and would be polished to a mirror shine over the next 40 years. Computers have an opportunity to get chatty every now and then.

        80s - Everything else starts taking a look at computers and realises that a computer that fits on a desk could make white-collar work so much better. Computers start getting chatty regularly.

        90s - The internet starts. People get their own computers with this fancy new thing called a start menu.

        00s - THE INTERNET really happens. The nerds have won.

        10s - THE INTERNET gets populated by non-nerds and ruined by Facebook, Google, Microsoft and Amazon. Everything is awful.

        The above being said, the scary thing is that the rate of advancement is increasing. It's possible that in the next 20 years or so we will have to break decades in half because the world of 2030 will be so different from the world of 2035 that you can't pin the decade down to one area.

        1. The Nazz Silver badge

          Re: Now you know what 2020 is going to look like

          Why do decades always have to be listed as 50;s , 60;s etc?

          Personally, i think a great decade of pop/rock music commenced around 1964. YMWV

          1. veti Silver badge

            Re: Now you know what 2020 is going to look like

            Decades were always approximations. Depending on your priorities, the 80s, for instance, may have started anytime between 1979 (Thatcher's election) and 1983 (when The Smiths released Hand in Glove), and (again, depending how you want to count) may be said to have ended as early as 1989 (season 1 of The Simpsons).

            It's just easier to say "the 60s" than "the intense counterculture and enthusiasm for civil rights and drug use that really only lasted about five years".

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Now you know what 2020 is going to look like

          > 90s - The internet starts.

          That would be the web. The internet started in the sixties, and was in pretty wide use by the early eighties.

        3. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Now you know what 2020 is going to look like

          There were also the Roaring 20s - and the narrower "fin de siècle". Both times when things were changing. In 1890 Hollerith started the data punched card industry. The 1920s saw advances in motorcars, aeroplanes, radio, cinema, and uses of electricity.

          The 1950s were the decade of the transistor - particularly transistor radios aiding the creation of "teenager" pop culture.

      2. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

        Re: Now you know what 2020 is going to look like

        What culture in history would be some disposability-obsessed as to name its decades?

        This is called "modernity". It's been around for about three to five centuries in European-based cultures, depending on what subculture you were in. It seems to me that it's a bit late to complain about it now, but if you'd like more material, there are a number of reactionary works available, such as All that is Solid Melts into Air.

        1. Martin an gof Silver badge

          Re: Now you know what 2020 is going to look like

          Previously, of course, when things were a little less fast-paced, things were generally measured in reigns, as in "the Elizabethan era" or "Victorian times" (for the UK I suppose) or even (earlier) "during the reign of Ceasar Augustus".

          It amounts to the same thing as naming the decades, just on a longer (normally) timescale.

          M.

          1. doublelayer Silver badge

            Re: Now you know what 2020 is going to look like

            Even they would subdivide things. Early Victorian, mid Victorian, and late Victorian were all used when needed. The decade time unit is pretty useful because the average person will live through a small number of them, and their parents lived through two to four before they came around. If things are changing, the changes are noticeable across the decades when they wouldn't necessarily be as obvious from year to year. I couldn't say there were really obvious differences between 2014 and 2015 in many realms (except things like geopolitics where a boundary occurs whenever a crisis happens), but doing the same between the 2000s and 2010s is very easy.

            1. veti Silver badge

              Re: Now you know what 2020 is going to look like

              "Early/mid/late Victorian" were periods invented well after the event. People in, e.g., the 1880s used to have a very clear idea of what they meant by "the 50s".

              People like to wank on about the pace of change today, but Victorian Britain was arguably changing even faster. There's a huge difference between the London of 1850 and 1890 - much more so than from 1950 to 1990. It's the difference between a loose conurbation of small towns, and a single big city.

              Politically, the period saw the invention of trade unions and socialism. Culturally, it's the distance from Emily Bronte and Lewis Carroll to Arthur Conan Doyle and JM Barrie. Militarily, it's the introduction of breech-loading rifles, machine guns, percussive shells that actually worked, ironclad steam warships. Homes went from candle and lamplight, through gas, to electric lights. Tap water became drinkable. First trains, then telegraph, then telephones. Heck, even cars were invented in the period.

              Sure, times are changing now - but to say that the changes are bigger or faster than ever seen before is very doubtful.

    4. The Nazz Silver badge

      Re: Now you know what 2020 is going to look like

      Salt and Vinegar you say?

      Nah, not for those of us still stuck in the 70's it isn't.

      Do i have to spell it out C-H-E-E-S-E-A-N-D-O-N-I-O-N-S

      1. Mark 85 Silver badge

        Re: Now you know what 2020 is going to look like

        I suppose that "salt and vinegar" and "cheese and onions" would be better choices than "liver and anything"?

    5. macjules Silver badge

      Re: Now you know what 2020 is going to look like

      And the official smell of 2020? I suspect it is going to be a combination of uncleared latrine and eucalyptus-fragranced wood smoke. This decade has already started off so horrendously with the bush fires in Australia so slapping a colour, smell or flavour to it is really is not going to make much difference AFAIK

  4. Semtex451 Silver badge
    Pint

    content experience user interactivity response

    It is the phrase "weekly outbursts of cynicism" draws my ire, not the term "idiot"

    Whilst I am keenly aware that, at our age, a month passes the way a week used to, and also that we have had an abnormally frequent dose of Dabbsy lately, I would suggest the term "weekly" is applying an iota too much pressure to the envelope of the words meaning.

    TFI Friday but next week will be hell, so I shall be looking forward to another little SftW,S next Friday.

    ICON - raised to all those sods at work like me, and of course Dabbsy whose life is always a struggle, despite it also being a long holiday.

  5. jake Silver badge

    It's been around long enough to have a name.

    It's called "short attention span theater".

    1. Nick Ryan Silver badge

      Re: It's been around long enough to have a name.

      I was hoping for a better acronym than that...

      1. Toltec

        Re: It's been around long enough to have a name.

        Short Hyperactive Interval Theater

        Better?

        1. J. Cook Silver badge
          Go

          Re: It's been around long enough to have a name.

          YES.

          Better summed up as "I WILL CRUSH, AND DESTROY, AND-

          oooooo.... SHINEEEE..."

          *runs off to take ADD meds*

  6. Baudwalk
    Pint

    >>>However, I think you might be missing the point<<<

    Surely better than missing the bowl.

    1. Dr Scrum Master

      Re: >>>However, I think you might be missing the point<<<

      I've seen the fly in the urinal to help gentlemen's aim a few times.

      Unfortunately, one was actually a ladybird.

      What kind of sicko wants to pee on a ladybird?

      1. Khaptain Silver badge

        Re: >>>However, I think you might be missing the point<<<

        I'm sure that there are videos of birds being pee'd on my varios people, they might not merit the title of "ladies" though.

      2. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

        Re: >>>However, I think you might be missing the point<<<

        Was it perhaps the invasive non-native harlequin ladybird?

      3. the Jim bloke Silver badge
        Thumb Up

        Re: >>>However, I think you might be missing the point<<<

        are the thumbs up from people supporting your point - or nominating themselves ?

        1. Ogi
          Coat

          Re: >>>However, I think you might be missing the point<<<

          > are the thumbs up from people supporting your point - or nominating themselves ?

          Yes

      4. 2+2=5 Silver badge

        Re: >>>However, I think you might be missing the point<<<

        > Unfortunately, one was actually a ladybird.

        The original used a bee - because the Latin for bee is "apis".

  7. Andytug

    All just distraction whilst the real money is made elsewhere

    Hey! Look at the shiny thing/the idiot in charge/the morons on TV! Don't think!

  8. bofh1961

    Nothing is meaningless

    Although the meaning of many things in the modern world, especially online, is a simple one of; "Notice me!" That's it. No meaning at all beyond the intent of diverting the attention of others. Politicians, memes, ransomware - it's all the same shit.

  9. Dr_N Silver badge

    Danger! Hill, Bobbing: No-Fun.

    The bottom panal of the sign is a warning to British expats & tourists?

    Sadly at least 1-a -year dies around here. Especially near the port.

  10. Patched Out
    Headmaster

    Pantone Classic Blue

    Thank you for providing a color patch for Pantone Classic Blue and telling me this is what it looks like. Unfortunately since my monitor has not been calibrated or certified to properly present the color space required, I can only imagine what Pantone Classic Blue actually looks like.

    1. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

      Re: Pantone Classic Blue

      I can imagine it, but I can't seem to care.

    2. Alistair Dabbs

      Re: Pantone Classic Blue

      I can calibrate your display and give you some advice about changing all your office lighting so that you can see what Pantone Classic Blue looks like. Unfortunately, this is the kind of thing I do for a living.

      1. TRT Silver badge

        Re: Pantone Classic Blue

        Something I used to do for a living was taking a whole pile of Pantone papers and making them look grey.

        1. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
          Coat

          Re: Pantone Classic Blue

          Was that a Fade To Grey?

          1. TRT Silver badge

            Re: Pantone Classic Blue

            No. A sudden transition was required for the effect.

    3. bombastic bob Silver badge
      Unhappy

      Re: Pantone Classic Blue

      It's probably that stupid color that millennials *FEEL* should be the TEXT FOREGROUND on EVERY WEB SITE (with blinding white as the background, so it KILLS YOUR EYES).

      (I think at least SOME of the links on this edit page also use that color - but then again the edit font is half the size of the one that shows up in the article and it's ALREADY hard enough to read, like I'm ALREADY being discouraged from commenting through the web page CSS, and color choice and font size are 2 of those factors)

      And, WHO is it that picks these things FOR us anyway? Must be a bunch of idiots.

      fortunately I've toned down the blue on my monitor, to preserve eyesight for another few years... and I can sort of distinguish the fuzzy/tiny text and hit 'preview' a few times to correct any spelling errors, where 'll' and 'lll' look kinda the same in the edit font...

  11. TRT Silver badge

    Is that...

    A super intelligent shade of the colour blue?

    1. Daedalus Silver badge

      Re: Is that...

      Yes, but it's in prism.

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: Is that...

        ...singing the prism blues?

      2. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

        Re: Is that...

        Oh hue kidder.

    2. herman Silver badge

      Re: Is that...

      Yes, Blue is rather better than A Great Suffusion of Yellow , but both those colors of snow should be avoided.

      1. Adrian Harvey
        Coat

        Re: Is that...

        Blue snow marks trail edges and corners. Sprayed on to improve visibility on foggy days. To be followed rather than avoided if you don’t want to go over the cliff.

        Icon: ski jacket.

        1. jake Silver badge

          Re: Is that...

          Blue snow marks ancient ice.

          Blue snow also marks the newest of ice ... that dumped from an airliner's potty.

          Watch out where the huskys go ...

          1. bombastic bob Silver badge
            Coat

            Re: Is that...

            Chabornek - what dat?

  12. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

    Don't think we didn't notice...

    ...your tributes to the recently late Mr Innes.

    RIP Neil, you are sorely missed.

  13. big_D Silver badge

    Cheesy...

    Tom Cheesewright's High Frequency Change. The book tries to explain why idiots (ie, anyone who isn't a futurist) perceive modern tech business as being founded on the cult of fleeting unsustainability, and how to go about convincing oneself that it isn't.

    Ahh, a book on self-delusion, got it.

  14. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    Do annual changes of colour really rate as high-speed change? Surely it should be several times a second at least.

    1. TRT Silver badge

      It changes at Christmas. I had a very nice Pantone instead of a Christmas cake.

      1. Justin Case
        Coat

        Tea leaves

        We didn't have any cake either, ours was stollen...

        1. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge

          Re: Tea leaves

          Crumbs.

        2. Steve K Silver badge

          Re: Tea leaves

          I couldn’t buy a Christmas cake this year. It’s a shame as it was my raisin debt.

      2. Steve K Silver badge
        Coat

        Pantone/MIME

        A friend told me about the upcoming PANTONE/MIME extensions.

        Oh no they didn’t.

  15. dak

    On a related topic

    On a trip to Kitega earlier this year (kitegacc.org, mentioned above) we were given a boat tour from Jinja on Lake Victoria. On this tour we visited a fishing village where the local catch seemed to be millions of tiny white fish, with the previous night's catch all laid out on the ground to dry before processing. The village and the villagers were extremely poor and the people lived in very primitive conditions, with little likelihood of indoor sanitation in their huts.

    At the centre of the village was an open area, where stood their two major buildings. One one side was a quite splendid mosque, gifted by the Sultanate of Oman: on the other a sturdy toilet block, gifted by the fishermen of Iceland.

    1. Will Godfrey Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: On a related topic

      Come on, don't tease. Which was which?

      {ducks and runs for cover}

    2. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

      Re: On a related topic

      One is a secular state with a high standard of living for all, and 100% powered by renewable energy, the other a theocratic republic with high standards of living for only the very few, and fuelled entirely by oil and gas...

      I certainly know which one I'd prefer to live in, even if it is dark there for three months of the year...

      1. Will Godfrey Silver badge
        Linux

        Re: On a related topic

        Oh dear. I didn't really think I'd need the /S tag.

        Now where's my coat got to this time? Oh well, this will do ->

        1. Loyal Commenter Silver badge
          Facepalm

          Re: On a related topic

          You didn't, I was replying to the OP, not to you...

          1. Will Godfrey Silver badge
            Happy

            Re: On a related topic

            Ha!

            I'll give you that one, Oh, and have an upvote

      2. herman Silver badge

        Re: On a related topic

        Which one, the mosque or the toilet?

    3. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

      Re: On a related topic

      gifted by the Sultanate of Oman

      Ah, an exercise in public Omanism.

      (Sidebar: Why are people attracted to the use of "gift" as a verb? Does it really convey any useful connotation that "give" lacks, in any realistic context? It's always struck me as false elevation.)

      1. Hollerithevo

        Re: On a related topic

        'Gift' and 'curate' as verbs are my two most despised terms for 2018-2020 and into the future.

        1. dak

          Re: On a related topic

          Yep, mine too. I didn't realise I had done it until after the edit time expired.

          But it just shows the pervasive nature of American "English", where it is possible to verb every noun.

          1. Uncle Slacky Silver badge

            Re: On a related topic

            Verbing weirds language.

            1. ThatOne Silver badge
              Coat

              Re: On a related topic

              What's wrong with weirded language?...

          2. herman Silver badge

            Re: On a related topic

            Verbing of nouns weirds the language.

      2. Julian Bradfield

        Re: On a related topic

        "gift" as a verb is common in Scotland, too. It struck me when I first moved up here, but I've got used to it.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: On a related topic

          ""gift" as a verb is common in Scotland,"

          Probably inherited from a Scandinavian language. The words "gift" and "give" seem to be a reasonable case of a language's evolutionary consonant shift.

          In English one talks of a father "giving away the bride". In Swedish the root word "gift" leads to two meanings of "marriage" and "poison".

  16. davenewman

    Bonzo

    I liked adding the Bonzo Dog Do Dah Band to the end. Vivian Stanshall once spent a weekend on our houseboat in Cambridge (obviously some time before he killed himself).

    1. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

      Re: Bonzo

      His own home was a boat in the harbour in Bristol, which is now (and has been for over two decades) a nightclub / gig venue, and is known as The Thekla.

    2. OzBob

      Re: Bonzo

      "obviously some time before he killed himself"

      So, for a second there I though you were dis-interring celebrities and inviting them around for dinner? Perhaps your father owns a back-hoe company, and your mothers maiden name is Gein?

      1. ZillaOfManilla

        Re: Bonzo

        https://www.google.com/amp/s/inews.co.uk/news/real-life/60s-group-bonzo-dog-doo-dah-band-in-legal-fight-over-band-name-499303%3famp

        Copyright holding bastards. Our local coffee shop/bar is named in there honour.

  17. lglethal Silver badge
    WTF?

    OK I've looked and looked...

    ... but I'm buggered if I can work out what the last infographic is trying to say. "This hill can give you a headache"? "Thinking about climbing this hill can make you sweaty"? "Our gardeners are really crap and havent gotten around to making the hill smooth yet"?

    Come on someone help me out here!

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: OK I've looked and looked...

      "Caution: MIdges"

      1. Will Godfrey Silver badge

        Re: OK I've looked and looked...

        Clearly Scottish:)

      2. J. Cook Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: OK I've looked and looked...

        ... I wacky-parsed that as "Caution: Midgets".

        OW! I'm going, quit poking me with that stick!

        1. Will Godfrey Silver badge
          Coat

          Re: OK I've looked and looked...

          What's the point of cautioning midgets? You won't get to see them in the dock.

          Oh! Again?

      3. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: OK I've looked and looked...

        This means nothing to me?

        Icon - Mr Ures coat from the Vienna video.

    2. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

      Re: OK I've looked and looked...

      "Beware of angry saints"

    3. ThatOne Silver badge
      Devil

      Re: OK I've looked and looked...

      > I'm buggered if I can work out what the last infographic is trying to say

      Obviously it's a person angry to have been hit by a falling wheelchair person. You'd notice the ground line is the same as for the wheelchair picture. He's clearly at the bottom, insulting the people pushing wheelchairs over the cliff.

      As for the middle one, it apparently says it's up to elderly couples to define the slope. Why else would the sign makers put the "x%" on the picture if not to signify that the slope is a variable?

      1. herman Silver badge

        Re: OK I've looked and looked...

        Only elderly people are experienced enough to pick a safe incline?

        1. the Jim bloke Silver badge
          Windows

          Re: OK I've looked and looked...

          The elderly are experiencing a decline?

    4. Phil Endecott Silver badge

      Re: OK I've looked and looked...

      > I'm buggered if I can work out what the last infographic is trying to say

      I think the victim has just been impaled in the head by a falling piece of broken glass, which they are now trying to pull out with their hand.

      1. Clunking Fist Bronze badge

        Re: OK I've looked and looked...

        I thought it was a cellphone giving brain cancer to the user?

  18. 2+2=5 Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    Strange combination warning sign

    Strange combination warning sign:

    Top section: Wheelchair users careering down the hill should look out for sweaty men coming up.

    Bottom section: Wipe the sweat out of your eyes and keep a look out for wheelchair users careering down.

    Middle section: Old people are required to take a trigonometry test.

    [Icon: Because X% might just be the Paris Hilton angle]

    1. Teiwaz Silver badge

      Re: Strange combination warning sign

      Well, that's an understandable interpretation if you read every sign as an Imperative.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Strange combination warning sign

      "[Icon: Because X% might just be the Paris Hilton angle]"

      Is that the same as the CH4 criterion of the "Isle of Mull" angle of dangle?

    3. sbt Silver badge
      Joke

      And did those feet in ancient times, Or, Romani ite domum

      I 'figured' the X was a Roman numeral and it was a subtle dig at just how old some people are, and 10 degree slopes would be too much for them.

  19. swm Silver badge

    I hate iconese

    It used to be that signs, instructions etc. could be read but now there is a series of meaningless icons with who-knows-what meanings. Now everything is labelled with hard to decipher icons. Even the same concept is generally rendered with different icons.

    1. Stork Silver badge

      Re: I hate iconese

      On a somewhat related note: here in Portugal there often is a profusion of road signs in urban areas, showing the direction to schools, social security centres and supermarkets. Part of this is due to the municipality receiving money from companies planting their sign, but the effect is that it is impossible to spot the sign you look for...

    2. Olivier2553 Silver badge

      Re: I hate iconese

      Here, in Thailand, many road signs are written ones, even when the commonly recognized icon equivalent exists. It makes driving very difficult until you learn some reading.

      Icons are good as long as they are clearly readable.

  20. Blackjack

    The first one looks like a...

    "If you want to do down the hill using a wheelchair do it here." sign to me.

  21. cklammer

    Dabbsy in a local park on New Year's Day!

    Hold on: Dabbsy was in a local public park on New Year's Day!

    Is it because:

    - he did not party on New Year's Eve?

    - he did party too hard on New Year's Eve?

    - he celebrated the New Year there?

    - he slept there? Did Mrs. Dabbs turf him out of the house?

  22. Scotthva5

    If Agnes Nutter was involved...

    ...there would be explosives and a 50 Kg barrel of nails somewhere in the vicinity.

  23. LeahroyNake Silver badge

    Pretty?

    "there's no point worrying my idiotic but pretty little head about questions such as "why?"

    Why you would use pretty to describe your dashing good looks when you would obviously be better described as the next Bond, James Bond?

    Don't suppose you drink martini and like a bit of parkour?

    It's not the why you should be asking but who? Who needs Daniel Craig. If Idris Elba doesn't want the job I propose our very own Dabbs, Alistair Dabs.

  24. IceC0ld Silver badge

    did you guess what the aforementioned "Year 51-85-139" was ?

    of course I did, I seen EVERY episode of Star Trek me :o)

    it's a star date obs :oP

  25. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

    Knights Templar Live in Practically Revolutionary Phorms Too

    Or is it a plot by rogue freemasons to design a coat of arms replete with colour symbolism to revive the Knights Templar with the support of Vatican 2 agents, Agnes Nutter and Bigfoot? Are we being led annually towards an ultimate Pantone reference that lies beyond the spectrum of human visibility and whose first implementation in a CSS tag will trigger the awakening of the Old Ones?

    Do you want to bet it is definitely not such an improbable plot? :-) That would energise an opposing competing interest for the generation and direction of capital flow and fiat churn to prime agents ..... which you might like to think be at least two Rare Raw Core Source Drivers Hosting and Toasting Success ..... with Future AIMissions Accomplished Excessively Financed ..... Overly Super Seeded.

    The inexhaustible supply of cheap fiat money easily proves answers to where a great may faults reside ....... and if you aint spending it whenever you have more than anyone would ever need, are you to be considered something of a disgrace ....... as Andrew Carnegie was minded to pass fair comment on practically ages ago.

    Put in very simple terms, which nearly anyone can understand although demonstrably not yet necessarily believe, ... the sort of system you are in, is paying the wrong type of people to spend Earth's treasure trove. ....... for there is more than Just Enough Flash Fast Cash to Crash and Burn and Rebuild Any Chosen Market/Public Utility/Private Facility/Parallel Pirate Operation always freely available for both Global and Universal Experimentation in the Nature of Existence with Command and Control in Sublime InterNetworking Streams with Ports of Call Everywhere just as easily placed elsewhere in spaces just like these here on El Reg.

    That's AIPathFinder Work Hosting, El Reg. Bravo! To the Valiant Victor Deserved Vulcan Spoils :-)

    And please, let's not be having any of those wildly speculative and assumptive presumptive "Are those meds not working" quips .... for they would be certainly misleading and ....according to Sister Agatha van Helsing, a very English trait/fault/root to boot ..........

    Of course not. You are an English man. A combination of presumptions beyond compare

    1. jake Silver badge

      Re: Knights Templar Live in Practically Revolutionary Phorms Too

      "Do you want to bet it is definitely not such an improbable plot?"

      Yes. I am willing to bet the farm that is it not such an improbable plot. In fact, I am so absolutely certain, that I have done that very thing ... The alternative, assuming your scenario is anything close to reality, is to curl up and quit living due to the futility of it all. I'm not a quitter. Are you?

      1. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

        Re: Knights Templar Live in Practically Revolutionary Phorms Too

        That's an interestingly engaging reply, jake, which has other alternatives for such a scenario in reality, ...... one where one simply belts up, as in safely secures oneself for flights of fancy in a living that makes maximum use of the utility .......... a Revolutionary Renegade Rogue Program and/or Almighty Pogrom ...... Grand Inquisition.

        After all, it is not as if IT is not readily available virtually for free, practically anywhere for everyone to try and master.

        Who Dares Win Wins .... and all that jazz, and such living is not for quitters and therefore quite possibly very probably right up your street too for self-actualisation and virtual realisation with, Novel Noble Explosive Force Source Partners, for it is universally accepted one cannot do such as miracles alone and unaided. That is why Heavenly Help is made Universally Available ... to prove to oneself one is not ever left alone in command and control following leads. I Kid U Not.

  26. Tail Up
    Holmes

    Great Dabbing, Worth Repeating (-:

    Dammit, Alistair...

    Anyone to develop a CMYK monitor? Drop a PM please*

    PM - a personal message. Not a Prime Minister.

    Holmes by Vasily Livanov here. With at least one of ElReggers qualified to write a humble screenplay to blow some Thomases' minds away totally.

  27. Milton Silver badge

    Obvious, innit?

    A secret sigil, displayed on your mobile device using the specified Pantone colour, opens the wormhole which connects the toilet you're in with its far-flung global twin. Really, why else and in what other circumstances could you plausibly display the latitude and longitude of a destination portal—to which you can travel in privacy, unseen?

    Next time someone tells you they're going to the loo, you'll know why you didn't see them again for a week, when they turned up filthy, covered in leeches and suffering from malaria.

    Of course, before taking a dump while reading this article on your phone, you may want to check the twinning status of your cubicle ....

    1. Steve K Silver badge

      Re: Obvious, innit?

      You are describing the Portal-Loo. I wonder if there is a urinal cake there too?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Obvious, innit?

        And - don't eat the yellow snow, if fussed up the coordinates...

    2. the Jim bloke Silver badge

      Re: Obvious, innit?

      didn't see them again for a week, when they turned up filthy, covered in leeches and suffering from malaria.

      Doesnt need to be a twinned toilet for that to happen around here...

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