back to article Careful with that Axe, Eugene: Excessive use of body spray causes school bus evacuation

A salutary warning arrived this week for those seeking to impress at the Christmas disco after a school bus had to be unloaded due to an excessive discharge of body spray. First reported by ABC Action News for Tampa Bay, the bus carrying Buffalo Creek Middle School students required evacuation thanks to an overpowering odour …

  1. Jemma Silver badge

    First one I thought of.

    It could only be Florida...

    1. Imhotep

      Re: First one I thought of.

      And the Tampa-St Petersburg area is the epicenter for these kinds of news items. Someone really ought to check out the water.

    2. OssianScotland Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: It could only be Florida...

      Home (in this case) of the Missing Lynx....

      ...sorry, coat please, then I'll go quietly

      1. Imhotep

        Re: It could only be Florida...

        Lynx or Polecat?

    3. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Re: First one I thought of.

      Ah.. Florida Man or maybe Almost Florida Man strikes again.

      1. sbt Silver badge
        Headmaster

        Florida Almost Man, strictly speaking.

        I'd say the over-application of this stuff is the lesser of two evils. Certainly preferable to enduring close quarters with many in our community who are unfamiliar with the concepts of regular laundry or showers, let alone using deodorant.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Florida Almost Man, strictly speaking.

          "I'd say the over-application of this stuff is the lesser of two evils"

          Based on my experiences on London public transport, I would suggest the jury is still out.

          Lynx body spray or anything from Lush can easily overpower a whole compartment while most body odour rapidly diminishes as you move away from ground zero.

      2. Ken Shabby Bronze badge

        Re: First one I thought of.

        I wonder what they would make of the stick type?, "Remove cap and push up bottom"

    4. Colonel Mad

      Re: First one I thought of.

      Or Halifax?

      https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-leeds-50810196

  2. Mike Moyle Silver badge

    Slight threadjack...

    The son-in-law is running his first D&D campaign as a DM and several of their friends, my daughter, and I (Yes; we're a family of geeks!) are playing, to give him a relatively safe and supportive first group. In our first fight, our half-orc finishes the last of the goblins attacking our party with one swing of his great axe.

    DM: "Your axe cleaves the goblin's body in two. Blood and guts just spray everywhere."

    Me: "Urrgh...! I hate axe body spray!"

    Easiest EP I ever earned!

    1. Kane Silver badge

      Re: Slight threadjack...

      "Easiest EP I ever earned!"

      Should've got you at least one Inspiration Point!

    2. molletts

      Re: Slight threadjack...

      DM: "... Blood and guts just spray everywhere."

      Me: "Urrgh...! I hate axe body spray!"

      Easiest EP I ever earned!

      Would that be an Ewwww Point?

  3. This post has been deleted by its author

    1. Sgt_Oddball Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: OK, you got me.

      Brut, force and ignorance?

      Thanks, mines the one that smells of teenage desperation..

  4. Mullah Bob

    A nice reference to Pink Floyd there...must have thought of that after having breakfast with Alvin.

    1. Pete 2

      mustn't meddle

      Yes. And if you add in the usual fragrance of quiet desperation you would have a nice pair.

      1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

        Re: mustn't meddle

        It is the English way

        1. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
          Coat

          Re: mustn't meddle

          Unless you are a Time Lord.

          I'll get me coat with a long scarf (Or a Monks habit).

          1. theblackhand Silver badge

            Re: mustn't meddle

            Not now John...

    2. Jedit Silver badge
      FAIL

      "breakfast with Alvin"

      He would have to have been having breakfast with Alan.

  5. Mullah Bob

    Hmmm...a Florida article with no mention of thet amazing species, Florida Man. Whoever wrote this article must have had a psychedelic breakfast with Alvin.

  6. Giles C

    Quote

    We vultures spend quality time every day rammed nose to armpit on London's finest subsurface transit system, but have yet to detect much beyond the usual fragrance of quiet desperation. And no, we don't plan on seeing if a liberal spraying of Axe will see us alone in a tube carriage.

    End quote

    Well you would probably end up being charged as terrorists would it be worse than the woman eating hard boiled eggs though.... mind you team it with some Epoisses de Bourgogne and you could probably shutdown the entire of London transport.

    1. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Had to Google that cheese... Luck is with me... It's seems to be one that's banned and it's at the top of the list: https://theculturetrip.com/europe/france/articles/french-cheeses-that-most-foreigners-will-never-dare-try/

      1. Olivier2553 Silver badge

        According to Wikipedia, the banishment of Epoisse would be an urban legend. I have never heard of such banishment myself, but I should add that until the cheese had been unpacked, it has not a to pungent smell. In fact there are for more smelling cheeses in France.

        The source your are citing seems to be very biases, describing cheese like an atrocity one should keep away from, it is no wonder as it seems to come from a country that believe nothing should have any smell at all and chicken should be bleached. But at the same time they promote atrocities like Axe or Lynx!

        If you have the opportunity and fancy tasty cheese, try Epoisse and durian (well, this is not a cheese) and fried insects (those are not cheese either) but stay away from junk food.

    2. Jemma Silver badge

      Oh God

      The London underground in summer...

      You need a gas mask if you're under 5ft 10“ or preferably a noddy suit.

      I felt so sorry for the teenage girls rammed nose to armpit with some grunting beachmaster who you could smell from 200 yards downwind. Komodo Dragons would have turned tail at the smell.

      Worst I imagine was for the girl of maybe 8-10 who'd get a heady mix of pit et le crotch with a side order of sycronised farting - I saw more than one turn green/pale.

      I swear sometimes when the doors opened you could see armpit fumes rising like heat shimmer over the Sonoran..

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Oh God

        That's what people smell like. Our forebears somehow lived with those smells, and much worse, for hundreds of years before deodorant came on the scene. Pretending that stale sweat is a danger to health is purely a marketing ploy on the part of Big Fragrance.

        If you can't get over it, then take whatever protective measures you feel you need - but don't blame people for being people.

        1. W.S.Gosset Silver badge
          Happy

          Re: Oh God

          Yeah but what they DIDN'T do was squeeze into tiny metal tubes together. Not even in winter. "Back then" their idea of a crowd was a family unit meeting another family unit while wandering around open forest or savannah.

          Homo sapiens evolved historically for homo sapiens' circs -- homo sardinesiens is being evolved for NOW as various people's noses kill them on public transport.

      2. Captain Hogwash
        Coffee/keyboard

        Re: grunting beachmaster

        See icon.

    3. GruntyMcPugh Silver badge

      @Giles C

      I too had to Google said cheese, and next time I'm in the cheese aisle, I'll look for it. When we make eth annual pilgrimage to the Alps and go snowboarding, we often partake of the local Raclette cheese, which smells like solidified nutty farts.

  7. Muscleguy Silver badge

    Aaaaaaah Eeeeeeeehhhhhh

    Yay! Pink Floyd headlines resurrected. Let joy be unconfined.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Lynx is okay, the problem is teenagers...

    If you use it properly and in the intended quantities, Lynx- and presumably, Axe- is a decent enough deodorant (if somewhat overpriced), and the fragrances perfectly acceptable.

    Its poor reputation stems from the fact that it's marketed at teenage boys, who tend to use half a can of deodorant in lieu of washing properly. I still remember in early secondary school in the late 1980s- around the time Lynx first became popular- being in the changing room and being able to *taste* the stuff in the air.

    Years ago, Lynx ran a "spray more, get more" campaign and my first thought was "that's the *last* bloody thing you need to be saying to 13-year-old boys!" But then, "wash and use a couple of sprays instead of marinating yourself in the stuff in lieu of a shower you fucking minks" doesn't have them using two cans of the stuff a week, does it?

    1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      Re: Lynx is okay, the problem is teenagers...

      Similarly the "wash rinse repeat" instructions with no break clause that led to the in-shower deaths of so many software engineers

      1. Imhotep

        Re: Lynx is okay, the problem is teenagers...

        You never find the bodies until someone notices there is no hot water - but it's a clean kill.

        1. Denarius Silver badge

          Re: Lynx is okay, the problem is teenagers...

          Out of hot water the alert signal being signal for clean kill ? Nope. Body fats adhere to bath, floors and walls and no amount of heavy duty detergent or cleaning gets it out. Smell matures somewhat. The things one learns in military...

    2. W.S.Gosset Silver badge

      Re: Lynx is okay, the problem is teenagers...

      A London girlfriend was a teacher, who said a common feature of young lads' Lynx usage at her schools, was spraying the bloody stuff OVER their clothes!

      As in, wearing shirt + jumper, grab can, lift arm, spray onto armpit. Or rather, onto layers of clothes covering armpit. Until concealed by the clouds. The noxious, choking clouds...

      1. Intractable Potsherd Silver badge

        Re: Lynx is okay, the problem is teenagers...

        Oy - that's tradition! Back in the 70s, when I was at school, it was a scene so common no-one mentioned it. When I saw it done as part of a scene in "Gregory's Girl" my then girlfriend couldn't understand why I was a breathless wreck on the floor! Obviously a) girls didn't do it, or b) she went to a school with a different demographic to mine :-)

  9. Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse Silver badge

    Almost unrelatedly...

    I almost chopped my finger off at the weekend while cutting firewood, and somewhat interestingly, as I was stood there looking down at all of the blood pumping out of my hand, rather than thinking that it would probably be best to get some sort of bandage, the actual first thing that went through my mind was "Careful with that Axe, Eugene..."

    All hail the Floyd.

  10. Kane Silver badge
    Headmaster

    London's finest subsurface transit system

    Surely London's only subsurface transit system?

    1. phuzz Silver badge

      Re: London's finest subsurface transit system

      Would a pedestrian tunnel count? There's a few of those. And a few car tunnels too.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: London's finest subsurface transit system

      I'm tunnelling my way out slowly.

    3. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      Re: London's finest subsurface transit system

      >Surely London's only subsurface transit system?

      Except for the secret ones they don't tell us about.

    4. W.S.Gosset Silver badge

      Re: London's finest subsurface transit system

      Well, there's that old Royal Mail train(let).

      And the underground non-Underground route to the War Cabinet Rooms.

      The 19C sewers are a bit awesome too but I guess they might be more accurately labelled as subsurface transhit.

  11. Mr Dogshit

    Smells Like Teen Spirit

  12. Chris King Silver badge
    Coat

    Forty years ago, it would have been Hai Karate.

    Yes, mine's the one with the self-defence manual in the right pocket.

  13. Tony Jarvie

    Not the only way to be a hazard on a school bus.

    Back when I was getting a school bus on a daily basis the school had to ban aerosol deodorants due not to over-spray like this story, but the fact that some of the kids thought it would be "cool" to take the aerosol can and mate it with their smoker-pal's lighter and make a flamethrower. I really do wonder how we managed to travel day-in, day-out without some-one dying on those busses over the years...

  14. Telecide

    Wild Stallion

    Can anyone smell horses....?

  15. csaguy

    As a school bus driver (retired engineer), it has happened to me this year. We didn't have to clear the bus because the windows were open. The student was told if it happened again they would be kicked off the bus.

    PS Florida has A/C on most buses so the windows are closed.

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I blame marketing

    Let's be honest, the correct way to apply deodorant is sparingly, not as advertised where some idiot empties half a can diagonally over his body. I'm amazed environmentalists didn't go mental, and it would have been richly deserved.

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: I blame marketing

      Based on advertising, I thought I needed a big green leaf with a tick shape cut out of it to use as a stencil so it could applied correctly.

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