back to article I've had it with these motherflipping eggs on this motherflipping train

Eating on the train is no yolk. One woman felt so strongly about it, she's now nursing a £1,500 fine after eggsploding with rage at a fellow commuter for gobbling a hard-boiled pre-chicken on the service from Chelmsford to London Liverpool Street. Some prefer a modest oat bar washed down with a Costa coffee when breaking fast …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I used to eat fish at work, salmon if you will. In fact one of favourite pass times is giving people a cheeky wink while eating a scotch egg on the tram. Let the down vote festival begin for I am unrepentant.

    1. Sequin

      I had colleagues complaining about the smell of the fish I was having for lunch - we worked in a flipping aquarium FFS!

      1. Jellied Eel Silver badge

        I dunno, Surströmming for lunch could be considered cruel & unusual for anyone else in your tube carriage..

        (I think I upset some Swedish colleagues by actually liking that stuff, once I'd gotten over the initial shockwave to the nostrils.)

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Surströmming for lunch

          Surströmming cans should be opened in a ventilated are (outdoors) or at least fill a sink and open the can underwater. The cans have a high pressure and will easily spray inredibly foul smelling, sewer-grade putrid liquids.

          The taste - it's just a sour and quite salty herring. Requires bread, potatoes or something else to go with it.

          They make great gifts for the unwary!

          1. Mage Silver badge
            Pint

            Re: Surströmming for lunch

            Hmm... I read the Wikipedia article.

            So like Marmite in one respect.

            "Some people do not care for surströmming.[12] It is a food which is subject to strong passions."

            Surreal. Maybe you need to be Swedish.

            Icon, because apparently may be needed.

            1. Jellied Eel Silver badge

              Re: Surströmming for lunch

              So like Marmite in one respect.

              I guess.. But I also love Marmite, so maybe some connection. Can't stand lutefisk though, but I think that was more the texture.

              Surreal. Maybe you need to be Swedish.

              Or open minded. Or nasally challenged. It does reek to high heaven, but served on flatbread with sliced spuds and some chopped green stuff (tarragon?) it was nice. But I kinda like salt fish, fish sauce and possibly even garum. I also think there's a fair bit of truth in some smells affecting people more strongly than others, or at certain times.. Like a fully-loaded kebab smells wonderful while drunk, but less so after you find half of it down the back of the sofa a month later. I think some Asians have the right idea wearing face shields on public transport to mask the scent of peopel, or their various potions & lotions.

              1. Olivier2553 Silver badge

                Re: Surströmming for lunch

                Facemask do very little for the smell, they are to prevent spreading germs.

      2. Anomalous Custard

        Self service lunch?

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        I am always wary about eating fish at an aquarium. I just can't help thinking where the fish on the menu actually came from.......

      4. LucreLout Silver badge
        Joke

        I had colleagues complaining about the smell of the fish I was having for lunch - we worked in a flipping aquarium FFS!

        And if you worked for Kleenex you'd just have a wank in the office? It is indeed fortunate for your colleagues you don't work for Andrex ;-)

    2. Timmy B Silver badge

      Some people just want to see the world burn!

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Smoked is fine for fish.

        1. WonkoTheSane Silver badge

          But NOT in the microwave!

          1. Paul Crawford Silver badge
            Trollface

            Not in your own microwave

    3. Sorry that handle is already taken. Silver badge

      But Salmon smells good?*

      * Unless you were eating Rakfisk?

  2. Neil McCauley

    On the other hand...

    Train passengers eating stinky food can be a blessing in disguise. Years back I was getting the train from the Highlands back home to Glasgow after a week of hillwalking. I'd misjudged the timings and hadn't yet had a chance to get cleaned up and changed into fresh clothes. Sitting there acutely aware of my mankyness, I was saved by a pair of women who sat at the table opposite and pulled out their train snack: a range of pungent cheeses. Thanks for taking the heat off me ladies.

    1. Oh Matron!

      Re: On the other hand...

      Been there, done that. Fermented Horses Milk things in Kyrgyzstan. As foul as you'd expect it to be.

    2. big_D Silver badge

      Re: On the other hand...

      I know that well. After a week's sailing around the West Coast, we dropped into Tobermory, went on land and straight to the Mishnish pub and booked an hour in their baths. We felt almost human again, afterwards. A nice single malt rounded off the recouperation process.

      1. Peter Ford

        Re: On the other hand...

        Tobermory harbour has coin-operated showers available for sailors. Probably cheaper than using the pub: what you save might pay for more than one whisky...

        1. Graham Dawson Silver badge

          Re: On the other hand...

          Can't drink a whisky in the shower, though.

          1. Mage Silver badge

            Re: Can't drink a whisky in the shower?

            Not even from the bottle?

          2. Andytug Bronze badge

            Re: On the other hand...

            You can drink a whisky in the shower, but it'll take a long time.

        2. big_D Silver badge

          Re: On the other hand...

          That was back in the early-mid 80s.

      2. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

        Re: On the other hand...

        A very similar anecdote was recounted by Sandy Toksvig about the time when filming "Island Race", arriving at a B&B after a few nights spent at sea with herself and odorous film crew in tow and asking if they rent room by the hour...

  3. andy 103
    Thumb Up

    Good

    I was once having trouble being served at a nightclub bar which was about 3 lines of people deep. I inadvertently farted which had the effect of clearing said queue.

    Foul smells have a very direct and fast acting effect on people.

    On a more serious note - good. There's a difference between pointing this out in a reasonable manner, and being abusive. The line of "I was on medication" is absolutely ludicrous. There is no medical condition for being a moron.

    1. Pascal Monett Silver badge

      There's mostly no medical substance that can solve it.

      1. MiguelC Silver badge
        Terminator

        There are some, and they'd permanently solve the problem....

        1. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
          Pint

          Vila : When you get Zen working, ask him to prescribe something for a headache, will you? I've got this shocking pain right behind the eyes.

          Avon : Have you considered amputation?

  4. Zog_but_not_the_first Silver badge
    Trollface

    Eggs on a train?

    Perhaps her fellow passengers had had en oeuf?

    1. phuzz Silver badge

      Re: Eggs on a train?

      Presumably jokes based on French puns will be banned after breggsixt.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Eggs on a train?

        There should be a banon french cheese puns at the least.

        1. MyffyW Silver badge

          Re: Eggs on a train?

          I've had enough of these cummings and goings...

          1. Venerable and Fragrant Wind of Change
            Coat

            Diary of a Nobody

            Our prime minister has his Cummings. With luck he'll pick up his Gowings too next month.

            Hmmm. A Pooter joke. How apt for El Reg.

        2. Korev Silver badge
          Joke

          Re: Eggs on a train?

          >There should brie a banon french cheese puns at the least.

          FTFY

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Eggs on a train?

            There is an abondance of them to be fair.

        3. David 132 Silver badge
          Coat

          Re: Eggs on a train?

          Yeah, yeah... puns about French bread are a pain, and jokes about German sausages are just the wurst.

          Je ne regrette rien!

      2. Korev Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: Eggs on a train?

        >Presumably jokes based on French puns will be banned after breggsixt.

        We shell see

    2. phils

      Re: Eggs on a train?

      They need to get ova it.

    3. Neil Barnes Silver badge

      Re: Eggs on a train?

      Perhaps her fellow passengers had had en oeuf?

      They could deux oeuf another?

      1. bpfh Silver badge

        Re: Eggs on a train?

        You must be yoking. People are going give free range to all these eggspressions. I may be walking on eggshells though. There are dozens of puns to be had here, carry on don’t chicken out.

    4. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
      Facepalm

      Re: Eggs on a train?

      May be she was an Eggon Ronay Guide inspector

    5. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
      Alert

      Re: Eggs on a train?

      A Darlek has boarded the train...

      Eggsterminate! Eggsterminate!

      1. Martin
        FAIL

        Re: Eggs on a train?

        A Darlek has boarded the train...

        Dalek. Sigh.

        Not eggsactly eggsellent spelling.

    6. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

      Re: Eggs on a train?

      Is Eggwina Currie on board?

      Curried Eggs - clear the train!

    7. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Re: Eggs on a train?

      Go to work on the train an egg

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Go_to_work_on_an_egg

    8. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

      Re: Eggs on a train?

      Chelmsford ExpressEggspress

    9. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

      Re: Eggs on a train?

      Eggs & Baker Street

    10. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
      Alert

      Re: Eggs on a train?

      Erika & Sam's Eggcellent Misadventure

  5. disgruntled yank Silver badge

    Legality

    The Washington, DC, Metro has rules against eating in its stations or on its trains and buses. These rules no longer seem to be enforced, but years ago I saw a kid of about 10 being led out in handcuffs with the evidence--a bag of potato chips and a bag of cookies in his cuffed hands.

    1. andy 103

      Re: Legality

      Oh, in America? No it's not quite as bizarre now I've realised that.

    2. katrinab Silver badge
      Flame

      Re: Legality

      Guns are OK, but heaven forbid you be in possession of a bag of crisps?

      Just as well it wasn't a kinder egg, or the police would have executed him on the spot.

      1. baud Bronze badge

        Re: Legality

        Considering the guns laws in effect in Washington DC, I don't think guns are OK there.

      2. Joe W Silver badge

        Re: Legality

        In San Francisco it is apparently unlawful to carry a sharpie when riding the bus, at least I can remember signs saying so.

        1. Uncle Slacky Silver badge

          Re: Legality

          Land of the free, there.

        2. batfink Silver badge

          Re: Legality

          Meh. If you are in possession of a Sharpie then the signs can be made to say whatever you want them to say.

          Then the problem goes away.

      3. Rich 11 Silver badge

        Re: Legality

        The police have indeed been known to execute suspected criminals on the spot.

        1. jake Silver badge

          Re: Legality

          Execute? You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

          1. Tom 7 Silver badge

            Re: Legality

            So what is shooting unarmed people in the back as they run away then?

            1. BebopWeBop Silver badge

              Re: Legality

              murder - no legal process intervened.

            2. BuckeyeB

              Re: Legality

              Private Joker:

              How can you shoot women and children?

              Door Gunner:

              Easy... you don't lead 'em so much.

    3. TheRealRoland

      Re: Legality

      Earlier this week in San Francisco a person was arrested for eating a breakfast sammich while standing on the platform waiting for a train.

      1. Symon Silver badge
        Holmes

        Re: Legality

        Did you read right to the end of the article?

      2. jake Silver badge

        Re: Legality

        He was eating his sarnie right under a sign that said "No Eating". And then he argued with and verbally assulted the cop, whose only sin was to politely point out the sign asked him to put it away. He wasn't arrested for eating, he was arrested for assulting an officer.

        1. Orv Silver badge

          Re: Legality

          The "NO EATING" rule is a bit absurd, though, considering there's a food stand in the station.

          Also, "assaulting an officer" is when you physically attack one. Hurting a cop's feelings has never been ruled a crime in the US.

          1. jake Silver badge

            Re: Legality

            "The "NO EATING" rule is a bit absurd, though, considering there's a food stand in the station."

            Food is allowed in the station. However, BART does NOT allow food on the platforms, nor in the trains. It is plainly marked "no eating past this point" at the ticket gates. Everyone who rides BART on a regular basis (like the dude in question) knows this.

            "Hurting a cop's feelings has never been ruled a crime in the US."

            Verbal assault is just as much a crime as physical assault. Note that the charge of assault was never written up, nor was the charge of resisting arrest, nor the charge of not cooperating with the officer in the performance of his duties (all of which are crimes); he has just been cited for eating on the platform. Instead of jail time, he's facing a $250 fine. The belligerent scoff-law got off easy.

            1. STOP_FORTH

              Re: Legality

              He's not a scoff-law, he's a scoff-sarnie.

              1. jake Silver badge

                Re: Legality

                That would be a scarf-sarnie, Shirley?

                1. STOP_FORTH

                  Re: Legality

                  Hmm, I think they may be the same word?

    4. martinusher Silver badge

      Re: Legality

      Just about everywhere except the UK has rules against eating and drinking on public transport. Obviously they don't apply for long distance trains but for trams, metro, buses, commuter rail and the like the rules not only exist but they're enforced.

      1. jake Silver badge

        Re: Legality

        I was just going to point that out. The British sometimes remind me of the guy at the party who overhears that somebody's drunk, so he jumps up on the table to see who it is ... and damned if they all aren't drunk!

        1. david 12 Silver badge

          Re: Legality

          Doesn't matter if it legal or not: eating in front of people without sharing is just rude.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Legality

        My local bus company has signs mandating seat belt usage. There is also a sign to say that the bus can carry 70 passengers, 50 seated and 20 standing.

    5. LucreLout Silver badge

      Re: Legality

      The Washington, DC, Metro has rules against eating in its stations or on its trains and buses.

      The UK doesn't yet, but since I often have to sit next to sweaty cyclists who haven't showered, whatever I may be eating is frankly not the most unpleasant part of the journey.

  6. STOP_FORTH
    Linux

    Pre-chicken?

    Not with modern farming practice. I haven't seen a pre-chicken in a hard-boiled egg since the 1960s.

    (No chicken icon. What's with you people?)

    1. Richard Boyce

      Re: Pre-chicken?

      Actually, from the point of view of the chicken that laid it, it's a post-chicken, the next generation. Now, we could get into a long debate about what came first, but that's for another comment. :)

      1. Baldrickk Silver badge

        Re: Pre-chicken?

        I'll make the other comment then. Chickens have been laying eggs since before they were dinosaurs. The laying of eggs has been a constant throughout, and the chicken is a relatively new species.

        Therefore, the egg came before the chicken.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Pre-chicken?

          Clearly lizard eggs came before chickens. But which came first, the lizard or the lizard egg?

          1. Teiwaz Silver badge

            Re: Pre-chicken?

            Clearly lizard eggs came before chickens. But which came first, the lizard or the lizard egg?

            Neither, the Fish egg.

            But let's not Roe over it.

          2. jake Silver badge

            Re: Pre-chicken?

            Thus answering the eternal question ... it's eggs, all the way down.

            1. STOP_FORTH

              Re: Pre-chicken?

              Turtle eggs, presumably?

        2. Joe W Silver badge

          Re: Pre-chicken?

          Nah, the chicken-egg came first. It was brought by the easter bunny.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Pre-chicken?

        The hen and the cock disagree on that on, too.

        1. Cynic_999 Silver badge

          Re: Pre-chicken?

          I've just ordered a hen and a box of eggs from Amazon. I'll let you know which arrives first ...

    2. jake Silver badge

      Re: Pre-chicken?

      You haven't had farm fresh eggs since the 1960s? Poor bastard.

      1. STOP_FORTH
        Linux

        Re: Pre-chicken?

        I have my own chickens, but no cockerels (roosters to you).

        Shop-bought eggs? Pah!

        (No Foghorn Leghorn icon? What's with you people?)

        1. jake Silver badge

          Re: Pre-chicken?

          How do you get more chickens when your layers turn into stewers? Shirley you don't purchase more birds! I haven't bought a chicken in ... well, ever. Landrace birds here, best of all worlds.

          1. STOP_FORTH
            Big Brother

            Re: Pre-chicken?

            Well, the whole point about money, really, is that you can spend it on whatever you want.

            What are you, some kinda crypto-Commie?

            1. jake Silver badge

              Re: Pre-chicken?

              I'm a pragmatic farmer. Sadly, tractors and well pumps can't replicate. However, the birds produce their own replacements, leaving me with extra money for tractor and pump parts.

              Better yet, the birds will over replicate with little or no encouragement. The excess can be harvested and sold for extra money, which sometimes allows me to buy new tractors and pumps, obviating the need for replacement parts for a few years.

              1. STOP_FORTH
                Big Brother

                Re: Pre-chicken?

                Selling chickens or (their eggs) would probably involve a tonne of paperwork for DEFRA and HMRC.

                These are hobby chickens. Lovely fresh eggs in all shapes and sizes and several colours. I don't eat them on public transport!

                Icon - DEFRA

  7. Adrian 4 Silver badge

    The tube now has posters requesting passengers not to eat stinky food. I wish all other enclosed public places had the same. Subjecting fellow passengers to your stinking preference is indeed disgusting.

    1. katrinab Silver badge

      That's no more legally binding than the posters that request you buy expensive matresses.

      1. My-Handle

        True, but something doesn't have to be legally enforceable to be a polite reminder.

        1. Tom 7 Silver badge

          Die trigger triggerer!

          1. David 132 Silver badge

            "The triggerer triggerer"?

            We're speaking German now because....?

            (apologies to The Simpsons, who like most things, Did This Joke First.)

      2. Commswonk Silver badge

        the posters that request you buy expensive mattresses. Oh dear...

        Did somebody say mattress to Mr Lambert?

        Now I've got to get him to the fish tank and sing.

        And did those feet, in ancient time...

        (Cont Page 94, etc)

      3. Amentheist
        Stop

        A lot of people on the tube arent locals and they're the more likely to read them being visitors and all, and also the more likely to do stuff that are not acceptable so it's not a terrible idea.

        More on the subject my nose still remembers east Asian student colleagues in the lecture theater having their hot fish soup for lunch between lectures..

    2. Kabukiwookie Silver badge

      So where am I supposed to eat my raw salted herring with raw onions now?

    3. EVP

      I’m not so concerned about foods that emit foul smell before eating, but the ones that do afterwards. Considering that it’ll take some time after digesting for the gas pressure to build up, it is preferable that the passengers digest food just before entering a bus/tram/train, generate gas while traveling and let it out only after their ride. Logically, the signs should oblige the passengers to eat at platform, not home.

      On the other hand, passing gas (preferably with a fanfaire) gives you a good laugh, especially in confined and poorly ventilated places, with lots of people around you. Perhaps the ones who hung the signs were after that, who knows.

      (Could I have my coat, please, and I’ll see me out. Yes, the one with a sandwitch in each pocket,)

      1. Alan Ferris

        Egg sandwich?

    4. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      "The tube now has posters requesting passengers not to eat stinky food."

      Are hard boiled eggs a "stinky food"? I can't say I've ever noticed. Maybe the abuser was an undercover militant vegan.

      1. Orv Silver badge

        I wondered that too. I've never noticed hard boiled eggs having any particular odor. Maybe it's what they were seasoned with?

        1. jake Silver badge

          If you over cook the eggs and/or hold them at too high a temperature for too long, you'll be rewarded with the smell. When the temperature gets much above 140F, the egg whites start releasing sulpher, When the temperature goes above 180F, hydrogen sulfide starts to form (incidentally, this is what reacts with the iron in the yolk to form that green ring). The hotter the temperature and the longer you hold it, the worse the smell.

          For boiled eggs, place them in a pan of cold water, bring to a boil, remove from heat and allow to stand for about 13 minutes. Immediately cool with either running cold tap water, or in a bath of ice and water. No more smell, and no more green ring.

  8. Sgt_Oddball Silver badge
    Alert

    Oh boy.. An egg...

    Amateur hour on the stink front. To really ramp up the odours, I'd point you in the direction of the far east (with eyes watering whilst holding my nose) and to the 'King of Fruits' (allegedly), the Durian.

    They're banned from public transport and even from hold luggage on flights, such is the maloderous stench this fruit is blessed with. It's pretty much what you'd expect a 7 day old corpse to smell like, left in the jungles of Malaysia.

    They should (and do) come with fines for eating near other unwilling and unwitting passengers.

    1. Captain Hogwash Silver badge

      Re: Oh boy.. An egg...

      I'll see your Durian and raise you a Surströmming.

      1. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

        Re: Oh boy.. An egg...

        see also: Hákarl

        (when in Iceland, I wasn't foolish enough to try it...)

        1. abortnow

          Re: Oh boy.. An egg...

          I enjoyed it, or something very similar. Shark, flensed, buried for 6 months, dug up, cubed. No mention of air drying. Our 12-strong tourist group were served tasty little white cubes and alcohol, then told of how it was made, finishing with "...and then served to unsuspecting tourists like you."

          1. Chrissy

            Re: Oh boy.. An egg...

            See also "stink flipper" in Alaska.

            Although the urban dictionary has a bizarre second definition

          2. Mark 85 Silver badge
            Coat

            Re: Oh boy.. An egg...

            I enjoyed it, or something very similar. Shark, flensed, buried for 6 months, dug up, cubed.

            The Vietnamese have a similar dish involving a chicken (whole), a clay pot, various spices, and a hole in the ground where it's buried for some period of time. The time varies depending on who you talk to. Then there's baluts..

            I'll go get my coat and stand outside in the fresh hair and try to forget those dishes from a long time ago....

      2. Tom 7 Silver badge

        Re: Oh boy.. An egg...

        But Durian tastes divine if you hold your nose! Fish I have a problem with - just the smell can make me projectile vomit due to poisoning as a child. Its taken me 50 years to be able to walk past the fish counter in a supermarket but dont invite me to a non-country paella party!

      3. veti Silver badge

        Re: Oh boy.. An egg...

        I don't believe you've ever smelled a durian.

        There was an instance, just a few months ago here, where a whole six-storey office block had to be evacuated because someone left an inadequately-airtight durian, in a backpack, outside the building. I believe it was initially suspected to be a gas leak.

        1. Dippywood

          Re: Oh boy.. An egg...

          Durian is something I enjoy when in Vietnam (sầu riêng there).

          Yes, it has an odour.

          Yes, you can smell it some distance off.

          Yes, it reminds me of a gas leak.

          Yes, it is delicious!

          Can even be bought in various Chinatown areas here in the UK, and, for a while in North London, there was the Durian Centre.

    2. Humpty McNumpty

      Huh,

      OK but what do you have to do to an egg to make it genuinely stinky, rather than just an egg?

      When on holiday in Egypt we took multiple trips that meant the Hotel packed us a breakfast to eat on the delightful heavily guarded convoys such trips involve, they always included a hard boiled egg, and smelt perfectly fine. In the UK I wouldn't hesitate to break out a scotch egg on a train, down the hatch what what! (In no circumstance one of those travesties you can buy in a supermarket)

      There are far more irritating things than food odours you can encounter on public transport, pissed up tramps that decide you want to talk to or fight them, arseholes in your reserved seat, that twat who's keeping a seat for his bag, football fans, football fans on the phone ...

      1. MyffyW Silver badge

        Re: Huh,

        If it was Virgin trains that general dieselly-faeco-incontinance odour would have been far more offensive.

        1. Claverhouse Silver badge

          Re: Huh,

          Virgin would have to sell Virgin Boy's Eggs beloved by Our Chinese friends ? *

          [ influenced by the useless Boris, Fat Owl of the Remove, who pitifully ingratiates himself to those people he's trying to diddle by calling them Our European Friends --- Post-brexit he may with Raab and other master-negotiators be able to import enough such Chinese foods to make up from the losses from Europe. ]

          .

          * Nothing odd ---- not an egg from a boy, but an egg steeped in boys who are virgins' prepubescent urine, and then boiled in the same.

          1. A K Stiles Silver badge
            Joke

            Re: Huh,

            I thought you meant Richard Branson when you said "Virgin Boy".

            Not sure it's any better or worse though...

          2. David 132 Silver badge
            Facepalm

            Re: Huh,

            Well, if you get hungry, you could always eat that massive chip on your shoulder.

      2. Mongrel

        Re: Huh,

        "OK but what do you have to do to an egg to make it genuinely stinky, rather than just an egg?"

        Age of the egg and how long it was cooked for can make it more pungent.

        And sometimes people are either sensitive to certain smells or just more aware of odours in the environment

        1. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

          Re: Huh,

          And sometimes people are either sensitive to certain smells or just more aware of odours in the environment

          Certain things can also make people more sensitive to some or all odours, either temporarily, or rarely, permanently, including, but not limited to, hangovers, migraines, pregnancy and effects of medication.

    3. Outski
      Mushroom

      Re: Oh boy.. An egg...

      The best description I heard was rancid custard flavoured with cat vomit...

      Icon: the only way to get rid of the smell from discarded durian husks in the car park/bin storage yard just down from Jalan Alor in KL, which was opposite our apartment building and hence was the quickest way to the pub for the football on a Saturday night

  9. Yet Another Hierachial Anonynmous Coward

    staff kitchens

    Once upon a time offices often had a canteen, which had relatively professionally cooked food, and professional equipment and ventilation. Now, the fashion is for a staff kitchen with a self-service microwave and maybe a dishwasher, but usually no ventilation/extraction.

    The smells that come out of those microwaves...... Enough to turn my stomach.... especially fish and some pre-packed currys.... And people put that stuff in their mouth?

  10. Velv Silver badge
    Coat

    Never, ever, make eye contact with someone while eating a banana.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Never, ever, make eye contact...No

      Stare, and widen your eyes. Open your mouth with a mixture of pleasure and surprise.

      1. Rameses Niblick the Third Kerplunk Kerplunk Whoops Where's My Thribble? Silver badge

        Re: Never, ever, make eye contact...No

        Stare, and widen your eyes. Open your mouth with a mixture of pleasure and surprise.

        ...and then wink.

    2. Mage Silver badge
      Windows

      while eating a banana

      Them or yourself eating it?

      Or both?

      Or a shared one at opposite ends.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Keep them guessing, I like your style.

    4. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
      Childcatcher

      https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/dtrzz1/my_boss_forgot_his_spoon_for_lunch_then_this/

  11. chivo243 Silver badge
    Facepalm

    food, farts, perfume\cologne... whatever

    In a closed space, any of the above are an offense. I work with a few people whose fragrance budget is bigger than my food budget... The problem is, after a while, they can't smell the stuff they've paid handsomely to wear, so they put on more.

    1. Tom 7 Silver badge

      Re: food, farts, perfume\cologne... whatever

      I have a serious problem with certain airports now you are forced to walk through the endless chicane of duty free that occupies the once 10 yard walk to the gates. I think it was Gatwick where my lungs were burning and my eyes watering profusely by the time I'd cleared the perfume area. I can see why smoking was banned!

      1. Korev Silver badge

        Re: food, farts, perfume\cologne... whatever

        They've done this to Basel Airport too; but the one in Gatwick North is far, far worse.

        That and the removal of the quiet area makes me want to fly with the expensive wannabe budget airline BA instead as Heathrow T5 is slightly less uncivilised </rant>

      2. bpfh Silver badge

        Re: food, farts, perfume\cologne... whatever

        What, like the Rolex and Chanel ads for hundred or thousand quid items on sale next to the Ryanair counters full of half skint students on an 8 quid a ticket budget trip to the continent?

      3. Stoneshop Silver badge
        Flame

        I can see why smoking was banned!

        Colognes, and after-shaves even more so, are often alcohol-based. Hence their vapours are combustible, and airports might not be too keen on having their shopping arcade go up in flames.

        1. Tom 7 Silver badge

          Re: I can see why smoking was banned!

          The thing is it wouldnt go up in flames. Morgan 3 wheelers run on alcohol because its got a bigger bang than petrol. These things would explode and then the floors above would come crashing down. It would all be blamed on terrorists though and the 'security' would be stepped up even further.

          1. Orv Silver badge

            Re: I can see why smoking was banned!

            Not sure I understand your point. Alcohol's actually got fewer BTU's per unit volume than gasoline. It also needs a higher concentration in air to burn. It's less susceptible to detonation in engines, though, which means the engine can have higher compression and make more power for its size.

            The main hazard with alcohol is it burns with a clear, invisible flame. On the other hand, since it's water-soluble, it's easier to put out a puddle of alcohol than a puddle of gasoline; you can just dilute it with water until it won't burn anymore.

          2. jake Silver badge

            Re: I can see why smoking was banned!

            Alcohol, like gasoline, doesn't explode unless it is at or very near the stociometric ratio, which will never happen at a perfume counter regardless of how thick and nasty the fumes are.

            Alcohol burns cooler than gasoline, and has a lower energy density (Gas 32 MJ/L, Ethanol 19 MJ/L, Methanol 16 MJ/L).

            Alcohol is used in engines because it has a higher octane rating than gasoline (Gas up to about 99, Ethanol about 107, Methanol about 106). This allows a higher compression engine before detonation sets in. It also allows the use of higher pressures in supercharged applications. The fact that it burns cooler also helps in boosted situations. It also provides better cooling under evaporation, further making for a denser charge in the cylinder(s).

      4. Venerable and Fragrant Wind of Change

        Re: food, farts, perfume\cologne... whatever

        Nice to hear I'm not the only one. Never mind airports, I've long avoided going into Debenhams 'cos their layout makes you run the gauntlet of a stinks department before you can reach anything I might want. Though it's not as nauseous as an egg, let alone stinkier trad-greasy foods.

        I've long said we should have stinky-food-free (or even all-food-free) railway carriages just as we had non-smoking ones back in the bad old days of a more pervasive problem.

        1. dajames Silver badge

          Re: food, farts, perfume\cologne... whatever

          Nice to hear I'm not the only one. Never mind airports, I've long avoided going into Debenhams 'cos their layout makes you run the gauntlet of a stinks department before you can reach anything I might want.

          Indeed. John Lewis in Oxford Street has the same problem -- for that matter so does the Boots in our High Street. I've taken to calling it the "Chemical Warfare Department", because of the noxious stench emerging therefrom.

          What? No gas-mask icon?

    2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: food, farts, perfume\cologne... whatever

      "In a closed space, any of the above are an offense."

      As a child, I hated being dragged in Binns department store, (later House of Fraser) because to get into the shop meant walking through the Perfume sections. 100's of different perfumes all competing at once to prove they are the best and ending up just making me gag. Or, for modern times and younger readers, just walking past a branch of Lush! Or even just those certain people who must stink horribly under the gallons of perfume or deodorant they drench themselves with every day.

  12. Chris G Silver badge

    Making a stink about a.....stink

    I think city dwellers are becoming a little oversensitive to smells.

    A few years back some green welly ex yuppies bought a house next door to a farm in a village not too far from me.

    A few months in they began to complain about the cowshed, something that had been there in various forms for literally centuries, eventually they took it to court where the case was found against the farmer.

    He had to take down the shed, move it and change his farming practices, after that no local for miles around would speak to them, even in the snottier one of the two local pubs.

    A few more months and their place was up for sale after damaging a man and his family's income and pissing off the locals.

    What's that variant of frozen water?

    1. Tom 7 Silver badge

      Re: Making a stink about a.....stink

      "I think city dwellers are becoming a little oversensitive to smells." Are you kidding - these idiot pay fortunes to go to restaurants where everything tastes of diesel fumes. Last time I went to the GBBF if took 5 pints before I could taste the beer and not the tube and by then it was too late.

    2. Ol'Peculier

      Re: Making a stink about a.....stink

      It's not just farms, Croft motor racing circuit near Darlington got stung by people complaining about the noise, and I think Elvington has had the same problems.

      1. A K Stiles Silver badge

        Re: Making a stink about a.....stink

        Most motor racing circuits and airfields get complaints about the noise, despite the fact that they have mostly been operating there long before any of the residents were in the surrounding properties (or there were surrounding properties).

        We keep having to ensure the local planning department put caveats in the permissions for new properties being built around a local music and entertainment venue, so anyone buying those properties is informed up front that they have no grounds to complain about sound from the venue which has been there for more than 20 years. The developers keep trying various tricks to get the clause removed, unsurprisingly!

        1. Orv Silver badge

          Re: Making a stink about a.....stink

          I used to go to a glider operation that had that as a concern for a while. Eventually, though, all the property around it ended up owned by club members, which effectively solved the problem (and let them go flying much more conveniently.)

      2. Tom 7 Silver badge

        Re: Making a stink about a.....stink

        Ipswich speedway got closed down by some carpetbaggers moving in nearby and complaining about the noise.

    3. FuzzyWuzzys
      Coffee/keyboard

      Re: Making a stink about a.....stink

      As a born'n'bred Eastend born Londoner there nothing more gorgeous than the smell of cowshite! No, I'm deadly serious! My Missus can't stand the smell of cow doings when we head out to the country on trips, I'm always the first wind down the car windows and fill the car up the countryside atmosphere. Getting a lung full of natural smells does you the power of good and it's better for you than the cack I breathe in all week long.

      ( "ESC"ape covered in shite, perfect icon! )

    4. jake Silver badge

      Re: Making a stink about a.....stink

      There is a largish strawberry field just south-west of the little farming town of Sonoma, California. It's on the north-east corner of Arnold Drive and Watmaugh Road. Every year about this time, the fields get their fall feeding, so the fruit gets off to a good start in the spring. The prevailing winds off the Bay every afternoon drive the lovely scent of fermenting liquid steer shit directly into Sonoma Plaza, home of many high-end wine tasting establishments. Needless to say, the (mostly) city-folk tourists are often heard to exclaim "What IS that SMELL?" ... to which most of us locals take great delight in asking "Remember those strawberries you had for breakfast?" ...

    5. Olivier2553 Silver badge

      Re: Making a stink about a.....stink

      There was a similar case recently in France, a guy buying an house next to a farm and complaining about the noise of the rooster. It went to court, the rooster won.

      1. Wicked Witch

        Re: Making a stink about a.....stink

        Unfortunately, in England and everywhere that's inherited english laws there's a 19th century precedent which states that you're not allowed to be a nuisance to your neighbours in a way that's a problem for the neighbourhood as it is now, regardless of who was there first.It all goes back to someone whinging about a dairy's iron-tyred carts making noise on the stone street after they moved in.

    6. Orv Silver badge

      Re: Making a stink about a.....stink

      Some places in the US have taken to passing ordinances to protect agricultural operations from that kind of attack.

      More recently some of these laws have been used by legal marijuana grow-ops to shut down people complaining about the smell of weed, which I suspect was not the intent. ;)

  13. Timmy B Silver badge

    Sometimes it's fun, though....

    I spend some of my time in the woods partaking of various outdoor pursuits. One of these involves turning animal skins into leather, buckskin, etc. This is as stinky as you can imagine. Before I could drive I often had to return from the woods by train. After one particular hard working week there was on offer on upgrading the train ticket to first class.

    The looks you will get after a week of producing and smoking hides then taking them home in first class on a train are brilliant.

    1. Korev Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: Sometimes it's fun, though....

      I'm pleased you're proud of your work and didn't hide it...

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Sometimes it's fun, though....

        You have to be thick skinned for all these puns.

        1. teacake

          Re: Sometimes it's fun, though....

          It's worth checking how much it costs to upgrade to first class. Sometimes it can cost as little as a tanner.

          1. Zarno

            Re: Sometimes it's fun, though....

            Sometimes it's less than the baggage fees would be for the cattle-class flight.

    2. Tom 7 Silver badge

      Re: Sometimes it's fun, though....

      My dad was a Zoology Prof and had a penchant for animal skeletons, On a trip round the Farn Islands we located a dead seal. The return boat journey involved our family at the stern of the boat and everyone else up the bow making the boat plough through the water. The several hour car journey home with the dead seal in the boot and all the car windows open was hell. As was driving in the car for weeks afterwards.

      My brain somehow forgot about this until on the local beach the dog found a well rotten seal pup and managed to roll in it for a good 10 minutes before we found the little shit. Was sorely tempted to pressure wash him after 4 bottles of doggy shampoo and you would still gag close to him.

      The skeleton came out lovely mind.

      1. Timmy B Silver badge

        Re: Sometimes it's fun, though....

        "The several hour car journey home with the dead seal in the boot and all the car windows open was hell. As was driving in the car for weeks afterwards."

        Been there! - I have a freezer full of animal parts separate from the food one. Various hides and feet in different stages of preservation.

      2. Robert Sneddon

        Re: Sometimes it's fun, though....

        Was sorely tempted to pressure wash him

        What stopped you? Boy the Wonder Dog found a dead rotting sheep in the marsh one day and had to tell us about it by the usual canine process of rolling in the mushy corpse for a good few minutes to embed the smell in his thick Lab-cross coat. We held him off with some long poles to prevent him climbing up on us and licking our faces before we got the pressure washer hooked up and sprayed him down with the wide nozzle and a litre of concentrated degreaser in the dispenser gun.

        He was very disappointed in us.

        1. Tom 7 Silver badge

          Re: Sometimes it's fun, though....

          I find it hard to work out why rolling in rotting animals or shit is so enticing for them. I cant imagine creeping up on a flock of sheep smelling like hades is a good hunting technique. And given the little bastard can track a deer for about a mile* at full pelt when its just their hooves on the ground why do they want to swamp their sense of smell?

          * the little bugger seems to follow them until he cant hear us screaming and whistling for him to come back at which point he realises he's on his own and shits himself and comes back as quickly as possible until he comes across a stock fence he cleared by 3 foot while chasing the deer scent and then stops and barks like fuck so we have to go and fetch him asap before Farmer Palmer blasts him to bits.

    3. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: Sometimes it's fun, though....

      "The looks you will get after a week of producing and smoking hides then taking them home in first class on a train are brilliant."

      The locals probably didn't mind, but those furriners...

    4. Timmy B Silver badge

      Re: Sometimes it's fun, though....

      I see from the downvote that one of you out there must have been on the train with me....

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Sometimes it's fun, though....

        Or someone who doesn't agree with the murder of animals

        1. jake Silver badge

          Re: Sometimes it's fun, though....

          It's not murder to harvest animals, no matter how many times you bleat it.

  14. Teiwaz Silver badge

    Train?

    Can you not move carriage anymore?

    Try a bus down the length of Ireland on a Bus (not an express) in the wet with the smell of Vomit and salt and Vineger crisps.

    Some people like them, they give me heartburn something rotten*, so I'm inclined to believe the crisps are as responsible as the motion for the vomit.

    * Except Monster Munch.

    Still not as bad as a short Swilly Bus journey in the 1980's where it smelt like exhaust fumes were coming in through the floor.

    1. Stoneshop Silver badge
      Boffin

      Bus

      In Colombia. Some of the passengers were carrying chickens. Live chickens. If you've ever been around a chicken farm on a warm sunny day and not felt the need to be Quite Somewhere Else Right Now, you must have had your sense of smell surgically excised some time earlier However, temperatures were such that all windows were open, so it wasn't as bad as it could have been. Also, the goats and the pigs, as well as one or two passengers, were on the roof rack; that must have helped too

      Icon: breathing protection

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: Bus

        Sounds a lot like flying Aeroflot in some of the more rural parts of Russia. (Except the people on to roof. Maybe)

  15. Roger Kynaston
    Pint

    Cue Essex jokes

    I am in the happy position of walking to work now - Brixton to Elephant but the fried chicken on the buses is the one to bring out my inner psychopath. Beer because the consumption of such often leads to the matter under discussion.

  16. WanderingHaggis
    Coat

    My funny bone has been eggaserbated by the puns that have been hatched.

  17. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

    I know The Reg has been taken over by leftist millenials, but do you have to use Momentum slogans such as "OK boomer"?

    1. Excellentsword (Written by Reg staff)

      Hey, it's funny, and what's funnier is how much it annoys people. Millennial, I guess so. "Leftist"? Nah.

      1. Cederic Silver badge

        Except of course that Speed isn't a "Boomer", making the witty repartee wrong. "OK Boomer" used on someone that's Gen X merely makes the person uttering it look stupid.

        As opposed to when it's used towards someone of the Baby Boomer generation, at which times it makes the person uttering it look..

        1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

          "As opposed to when it's used towards someone of the Baby Boomer generation, at which times it makes the person uttering it look.."

          I'm a baby boomer and, well, not exactly proud of it, but not ashamed either. I didn't get to choose when I was born :-)

      2. Bendacious

        It's not funny in this situation because it's just a wrong use of the phrase. As a Gen Xer myself I have no problem with it being applied to people of my age or even younger, if it is used correctly. If someone is trivialising the genuine concerns of millennials or Gen Z, then it's fine to say "OK Boomer". Baby boomers are now famous for being blasé about messing up the world for future generations, sucking up all the money because of macro-economic trends, rather than any efforts they put in and ruining the environment. If someone calls a younger person a snowflake because they are complaining that they belong to the first generation to be worse off than their parents since forever, then that young person is within their rights to respond "OK Boomer". If a forty year old tells a thirty year old to stop whinging about paying 70% of their income out as rent, then "OK Boomer" is a fair response. Here it has been used as a synonym for "OK Granddad", insinuating that a person is older than their years because of a tendency to complain excessively, which is just wrong.

        1. Excellentsword

          Chaps. It isn't used "correctly". I wouldn't dare say it to my last-surviving grandparent. However, does it matter? No, yet you still wrote 200 words on the matter. And don't worry, myself and Mr Speed are firm friends with a stellar working relationship. It's just bants and it wasn't written without his approval. I'd say "don't make me say it", but someone already has.

        2. Ian Johnston

          Millennials are, of course, the generation which think they have the right to own a house at 21, buy throwaway fashion/tech and take regular long haul holidays (as travellers, not tourists, natch) - and then have the nerve to tell the generation which saved till their 30's to buy a house and invented the green movement that they don't care about the world.

          1. Orv Silver badge

            Yes, well. They're also the generation that gets told they should work their way through college instead of taking out loans (by people who did so when tuition was lower, or even zero, and the minimum wage had kept up with inflation), should buy a house (when house prices have shot up massively compared to income), should get a job by reading the classifieds and then work their way up (by people who did that when it was still possible), should shut up about wanting health care (by people who get free Medicare), etc.

            I don't actually know any Millennials who thought they deserved a house at 21. Most I know are pushing 40 and assuming they'll be stuck renting forever.

            Me, I'm GenX. We don't get insulted much because everyone forgets we exit.

        3. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

          "Baby boomers are now famous for being blasé about messing up the world for future generations, sucking up all the money because of macro-economic trends, rather than any efforts they put in and ruining the environment. "

          Maybe it depends on which country you were born into. Boomers in the UK were born into the aftermath of rationing and brought up by parents who lived through the "make do and mend" era of WW2. We were taught to look after stuff so it would last longer, repair it when it broke and not to waste anything.

          1. jake Silver badge

            "depends on which country"

            Perhaps ... but I see the same thing here in the States. As a whole, Boomers are a lot more frugal and far more patient than later generations, too.

            As always, individual exceptions exist but do not make a trend.

      3. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

        Since you sacked Warstall and co and started pushing anti-Conservative, anti-brexit, pro-left politics. Presumably in order to attract younger readers.

        So yes. Leftist.

    2. JohnFen Silver badge

      OK, Boomer.

    3. Loyal Commenter Silver badge
      Trollface

      Yeah, in my day it was

      Whatever, granddad

  18. MJI Silver badge
    Mushroom

    The worst smell = warfare.

    Eggs, they stink, makes farts seem fragrant, prefer the smells of a cow shed.

    If anyone DARES eggs at work, I keep a tin of cheese ravioli to hand for such circumstances.

    The egg lovers cannot stand the smell of it.

    I eat it rarely now.

    1. Ian Johnston

      Re: The worst smell = warfare.

      Eggs, they stink, makes farts seem fragrant, prefer the smells of a cow shed.

      I don't get it. I have hardboiled many an egg and have never noticed any significant smell from them, or from egg sandwiches, or from Scotch eggs or from anything else hardboiled-egg derived. Is this like the asparagus smell in pee, which some people can't detect?

      It should come as no surprise that popular opinion on Mumsnet (the continuing online version of The Jeremy Kyle Show) is wholly behind the woman fined, on the basis that she probably had an invisible disability, hardboiled eggs are "grim" and, doubtless, something to do with trans women in changing rooms.

  19. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    From the linked BART case: "BART also issued a statement to NBC, saying: ‘He was cited for eating which is a violation of state law. It isn’t just a policy or ordinance, it is penal code.’"

    I knew Californian culture had an obsession with being thin but making eating illegal is taking it too far.

    1. jake Silver badge

      It's not eating that's illegal.

      It's where he was eating.

      And even then, if he had chosen to listen to the cop (as do most transgressors in a similar situation), we wouldn't be having this conversation. But no, he chose to argue with, and then assault, the cop. For which he was immediately arrested. Handcuffed. Which was undoubtedly a possibility that he hadn't counted upon.

      (WAT AG)

      1. JohnFen Silver badge

        Re: It's not eating that's illegal.

        One of the rules that I was taught in my youth about dealing with the police in the US: the police are dangerous and you should never argue with them. Assert your rights, yes. Voice your objection to whatever they're doing, yes. But be scrupulously calm and polite and comply with their demands. Arguing is pointless and only increases the risk to you. Save arguments for court.

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Cheese Gromit!

    I've been known to nosh a Limburger and onion sarni at the old job from time to time.

    Always made for a most enjoyable lunch, because nobody wanted to sit by me at the canteen and produce small-talk.

    I did ask the powers that be if it was OK before I started, and they said it was less rank than most of the microwaved roadkill, so no prob, just keep it well sealed in the fridge thanks.

  21. Cynic_999 Silver badge

    I know it was not racist but ...

    I am aware hat she was cleared of being racially motivated, but I cannot help wondering whether she would have become so verbal against a person who did not look as if they might not speak English.

  22. riffrafff

    I suggest that those with sensitive olfactory organs should maybe not use public transportation.

    1. Jimmy2Cows Silver badge

      I suggest people eating really stinky food in a confined space should perhaps be more considerate toward others.

  23. Ojustaboo

    Reminds me of about 39 years ago when I was a fishmonger.

    Always managed to get a seat by myself on the bus home :)

    1. David 132 Silver badge
      Happy

      It's good that you knew your plaice.

      1. jake Silver badge

        You have no sole, David.

    2. AndyFl
      Coat

      Why aren't fishmongers generous?

      Their job makes them sell fish.

      (I'll get me coat)

  24. MonsieurTM

    Cripes! Good jib it was not me! I'm partial to one of those Thai 1000 year-old eggs (the real Mcoy, not those weedy 100year old efforts) with lashings if Durian fruit. It takes a week to wash the smell out of my Keck's, so the BnC says.

  25. JohnFen Silver badge

    I'm sympathetic

    I've had to endure the stench of people eating fast food on airplanes during boarding so many times that I truly understand the inclination to rage.

  26. Just A Quick Comment

    Smell? What smell?

    All these comments make me glad I don't have a sense of smell. Never have had. Farts at school were, to me, just funny noises.

  27. Arion

    I wonder if there are any laws about spraying air freshener in the general direction of someone causing the smell.

    People might think twice about bringing smelly food on to a train if they thought it might get covered in air freshener.

    1. Venerable and Fragrant Wind of Change

      Trouble is, collateral damage to innocent third-parties. Two wrongs don't make a right if you're caught in the crossfire.

    2. JohnFen Silver badge

      Sure, double the torture for everyone else.

    3. Intractable Potsherd Silver badge

      It is probably battery - a criminal offence.

      No, I'm not going to make any jokes connect ING battery with chickens - over to you :-)

      1. JohnFen Silver badge

        In the US, this would arguably qualify as "battery".

        From https://legal-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/battery:

        "The following elements must be proven to establish a case for battery: (1) an act by a defendant; (2) an intent to cause harmful or offensive contact on the part of the defendant; and (3) harmful or offensive contact to the plaintiff."

        Actual physical harm or intent to physically harm to the victim is not required.

        "The second type of contact that may constitute battery causes no actual physical harm but is, instead, offensive or insulting to the victim. Examples include spitting in someone's face or offensively touching someone against his or her will.

        Touching the person of someone is defined as including not only contacts with the body, but also with anything closely connected with the body, such as clothing or an item carried in the person's hand.

        It is not necessary for the defendant's wrongful act to result in direct contact with the victim. It is sufficient if the act sets in motion a force that results in the contact."

  28. E_Nigma

    Are We Getting a Bit too Sensitive

    Opening smelly food on public transport is rude, I would agree, but how smelly is a freshly boiled egg?! It may accumulate some smell while sealed in a piece of Tupperware, but still. This part from the end has me further puzzled: "My commute to Vulture Central is frequently blighted by people opening up their stench boxes or unwrapping some greasy rancidity emblazoned with an 'M'." I would hardly consider the M food foul smelling. I would also hardly consider it great food, but here we are just talking odours and, while it, naturally, has a smell, I would definitely not classify it as an offensive one. As long as we haven't completely banned food from all public transport I think people are getting rather sensitive. Apparently, they'd like to use public transport and be alone on it.

    1. Jon Blund

      Re: Are We Getting a Bit too Sensitive

      I think you experience the odour differently if you're not eating yourself. I often think hamburgers eaten by others, on the go, have a smell reminiscent of sweat.

  29. Citizen99
    Linux

    In my youth, back in the early '60s, I traveled back home from Istanbul by train (no food facilities provided on board), equipped with a *whole tin* of hard-boiled eggs and olives.

    Nobody complained. Those were the days.

  30. Mike 137 Bronze badge

    "Since the windows of trains can no longer be opened by we untrustworthy passengers,"

    By us surely?

    "opened by I" or "opened by me"?

    Or is it just a typo of the Scottish term for "very small"?

  31. Ol'Peculier

    Pizza

    I was sat waiting for a train to leave Kings Cross when somebody got on with a whole pizza.

    I think if he'd offered to sell slices to people that were drooling over the smell he'd have come out with a good profit.

    All this reminds me of the trains in Sri Lanka, where hawkers got on at every stop and went round with strange foods. You were never sure what you were eating, but it did taste good!

  32. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Over

    England is DONE.

    The 80's were fun in Europe, I will miss you.

  33. bobsmith2016

    Vomit Comet

    Always understood that technically the Vomit Comet is the last metro home from Liverpool Street to Shenfield.

    1. Robert Sneddon

      There's worse...

      Thanks to the BBC (Bradford Beer and Curry) run, the last night train back to Leeds is something else.

      https://www.antipope.org/charlie/old/rant/loser.html

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