back to article US Air Force inks deal with Raytheon on Windows 10 (and other) support for ARSE

The US Air Force (USAF) has declared it is awarding a contract to Raytheon thanks to its pressing need for "full ARSE compatibility", including Windows 10 support, with equipment designed for maintaining fighter jet missiles. Raytheon Missile Systems will be the proud beneficiaries of the USAF's latest Advanced Medium Range …

  1. Dave K Silver badge
    Joke

    Hope it doesn't turn into a bum deal for them. Windows 10 can be a real pain in the posterior at times - especially when you're up all night under a full moon fixing issues until the crack of dawn arrives.

    IGMC...

    1. ChrisPVille

      Next

      Some poor soul is going to get Special High Intensity Training for this. They might as well charge it through the ARSE contract while they're at it.

      1. Fungus Bob Silver badge

        Re: Next

        is the optional ARSE Combined Re-Arming Control Kit

        1. zuckzuckgo

          Re: Next

          >"is the optional ARSE Combined Re-Arming Control Kit"

          No, but they will AMRAAM your ARSE for you if your into that kind of thing.

    2. Korev Silver badge
      Coat

      Butt the cheek of it!

    3. macjules Silver badge

      Well, I guess someone must be very good at explaining all of this. Or could it be said that they are good at talking out of their ARSE?

  2. Francis Boyle Silver badge

    They

    went there. Next stop FECKIN.

    1. adrianww
      Black Helicopters

      Re: They

      That’ll be the Frontline Emergency Combat Kit that they’re working on.

      Combined with the Dynamic Response Inflight Night Kit, they should have most of the bases covered...

      1. Dave Hilling

        Re: They

        Some one get me the FeckIT and DrinKIT

  3. Chris G Silver badge

    I am assuming

    ARSE is plug 'n' play?

  4. Pete 2

    What use is an arse?

    > "The contractor shall integrate the necessary software for full ARSE functionality on Government Furnished Equipment (GFE) ARSE systems

    Right. So they will use ARSE to Better Optimise The Testing Of Missiles

    It makes complete sense now.

  5. Cederic Silver badge

    Top Gun is not geeky

    Really? Please. Top Gun is 'fast shooty things', nobody with a serious aeronautical interest would consider it more than a nicely shot fluff piece.

    1. Korev Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: Top Gun is not geeky

      Someone's a bit arsey today...

    2. Mike Moyle Silver badge

      Re: Top Gun is not geeky

      "Really? Please. Top Gun is 'fast shooty things', nobody with a serious aeronautical interest would consider it more than a nicely shot fluff piece."

      Just so you know; Tom Cruise as a Fluffer is emphatically NOT an image I needed today!

      (Or ANY day, really...!)

  6. DarkLordofSurrey

    Someone will find a giant hole in this contract then the proverbial will hit the fan...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      They'll find the hole later. First they will discover a large crack...

  7. LenG

    Win 10 on missiles?

    Can somebody please recommend a reliable installer of bomb shelters??

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Win 10 on missiles?

      I have one of those. The trouble is, it runs on Vista...

  8. eddiejp

    Sounds great, but...

    I wouldn't want to be the ARSE Hardware Operations Lead Engineer.

    1. veti Silver badge

      Re: Sounds great, but...

      My former boss was less than overjoyed when he realised his job title had become "Analytics Manager".

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Sounds great, but...

        Our MD decided to "rebrand" our Senior Sales Managers to Business Unit Managers.... Even after that was pointed out to him.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Windows 10 in the Military near the frontline?

    I really, really, really hope that

    1) Auto updates are totally nuked

    2) Advertising is flushed down the drain

    TBH, whoever thought that this is a good idea needs to be lined up at dawn in front of six people with loaded rifles.

    1. GremlinUK

      Re: Windows 10 in the Military near the frontline?

      Where can us mere mortals get this version of Windows 10?

      Does it also disable all the call-home functionality under the hood?

      1. phuzz Silver badge

        Re: Windows 10 in the Military near the frontline?

        Mere-mortal maybe not, but Win10 Enterprise ticks all of those boxes and is available to anyone with deep enough pockets. You might need to have a company to buy it tho.

      2. David 18

        Re: Windows 10 in the Military near the frontline?

        "Does it also disable all the call-home functionality under the hood?"

        I guess we'll find out when Redmond is a smoking crater.

        1. Aussie Doc
          Mushroom

          Re: Windows 10 in the Military near the frontline?

          Please don't build up my hopes like that.

    2. LDS Silver badge

      Re: Windows 10 in the Military near the frontline?

      Think about all that battle line telemetry that comes for free... after all, it's all about the "user experience" - "rate the way you died with 1 to 5 stars"....

    3. ocflyfish
      Trollface

      Re: Windows 10 in the Military near the frontline?

      I can just imagine Cortana saying hello just before the missle takes out the OPFOR plane

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The ARSE contract will go to the lowest bidder

    It's all about the bottom line

  11. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    So if they do a poor job at maintaining it will it be half-arsed? Followed by a senior NCO coming into the room shouting "You lot, get off your arses".

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      "You lot, get off your arses"

      Shouldn't that be "You lot, get ON your arses"?

  12. ivan5

    Win 10 and aircraft

    Can we assume that the pilots are going to learn a new method when firing the win 10 missiles - a fast loop to get the aircraft behind the missiles before they get up the ARSE of the jet exhaust. It is either that or they need to count the number of fighters shot down by their own missiles.

    1. David Roberts
      Trollface

      Re: Win 10 and aircraft

      Your missile is 20% to the target. 40%. 35%. 35%. 35%.

  13. Gavin Jamie

    Did they have to tender ARSE?

    They are also contracting for Electromagnetic Lethal Battlefield Operation Weaponry although the two systems are frequently mistake for each other.

  14. Fury556

    And when it needs updates, it will be: "Currently Under Maintenance"

  15. a_yank_lurker Silver badge

    Air Farce

    Only the Air Farce would be fully ARSEd not half-arsed as they usually are.

  16. Alan J. Wylie

    Putting the ARSE in arsenal.

  17. jonathan keith Silver badge
    Holmes

    Makes perfect sense...

    Aren't AMRAAMs supposed to go straight up a target's tailpipe in the first place?

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    In the UK, the MoD would outsource it to Crapita and it would be guaranteed they couldn't find their ARSE with both hands

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Has this got anything to do with the Electronically Launched Ballistics Ordnance Wing, or am I once again demonstrating that I don't know my ARSE from my ELBOW?

  20. Starace Silver badge
    Devil

    Not the first one

    Another aircraft program that shall remain nameless has a Single Harmonised Integrated Test Environment for all development work. The title is displayed in an extra large font with emphasis on the first characters just to make the point clear.

    The Brits put in quire a few things like this (plus various scattered insults/digs), not sure the partner nations always get the joke.

  21. Roger Kynaston
    Coat

    UK MOD procurement buys

    AMRAAM Support System.

    Happy Friday.

  22. Jan K.

    Glad I'm not the only one feeling slightly uneasy by seing the words 'Windows' and 'missiles' in same sentence!

    Ah well. What can possible go wrong, when we have 'Quality updates'...

  23. N2 Silver badge
    Trollface

    Hello...

    It looks like some one has fired a missile at you?

    Would you like me to:

    1. Install updates

    2. Re-boot

    3. Or select some other random meaningless choice

    1. Chris G Silver badge

      Re: Hello...

      Or...

      You have chosen to launch a missile.

      No device drivers were found for this, do you want to automatically download manufacturers drivers for you devices........

      Loading, 50 seconds remaining, 2hr 20mins remaining, 3 seconds remaining................KAPOW!!!

  24. Ken Hagan Gold badge

    A serious question for US commentards...

    Are Americans *that* unaware of the UK meaning of "arse", or could they just/just-not (delete as applicable) care less.

    1. skeptical i
      Meh

      Re: A serious question for US commentards...

      I would really like to believe that someone had intended to make ARSENAL the full acronym ("amraam remote support equipment, nodes, and logistics" or something) but went out for a coffee break partway through only to return to find the document had been taken as-is up the food chain by a superior officer. That said, it would not surprise me that 'arse' would go right over their heads, as they tend to be oblivious and clueless on other matters (e.g., dumping PFAS into local water supplies, flying deafeningly loud aircraft over residential areas, and so on).

    2. RNixon

      Re: A serious question for US commentards...

      Most Americans wouldn't have a clue what 'arse' means without context. In context, most of us would go 'Huh, must be a British spelling of 'ass'.' but I'd say most people have never run across it.

  25. Ian Johnston

    The communications department at my dear employers sent round information about a program called "Customer Response And Pedagogy". I replied to point out that the acronym was a little unfortunate and suggested that they rename the survey "Students Heard In Teaching Evaluation". Their response was to raise a formal complaint about me, which I consider one of the high points of what I laughing call my "career".

  26. Ken Moorhouse Silver badge

    Are these...

    Incontinent Missiles?

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    ARSE liaison officer (Airforce General Jack Hackett) was asked for further comment by the Reg but was told to "Feck Off"

  28. aqk
    Big Brother

    But will this take the Edge off of the F35?

    Unless it's built with Chrome and not Titanium.

  29. dnicholas Bronze badge

    You really don't want your missile rebooting for an update midway to its target

  30. tempemeaty

    ¯\_(; ゚д゚)_/¯

    Shouldn't this read, US Air Force Commits Suicide by Windows 10?

  31. tempemeaty

    ...and one more thing...

    The mission is only as good as it's weakest link.

  32. Adrian 4 Silver badge

    sales boys

    The Business Unit Managers at $former_employer would have been all over this.

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