BOFH: Judge us not by the size of our database, but the size of our augmented reality

Have to add Cole's Law to my list of excuses....

"No, I mean have we got any artificial intelligence?"

"Outside of senior management? No."

genius and VERY accurate

It worries me...

That I clearly read too many of these, and I fear I am turning into the BofH...

You know when you predict the ending in the first sentence...

...but it's still massively entertaining when you're right? That. Just one little hole:

"Self driving vehicles?" The director burbles.

"Already taken care of. Your Lexus is the test case and it's trundling down the road as we speak. Who knew it was as easy as painting double yellow lines and alerting a passing traffic warden?"

"We have a substantial amount of resource already hosted in the cloud as it is,"

Would that be a cloud not run by the usual suspects but by a small company with only one customer? And having very small latency because of it being on previously written-off servers in the DC?

RE: "stack of ideas"

<quote>"Well, I've given you a stack of ideas and you've shot down every one. How about YOU suggest something to bring this company out of the dark ages?!"</quote>

BOFH: "Hand in your resignation, today!"

Hey ElReg, why isn't there a `boot in the ass` icon?

Cole's Law

Hmmm, this just sounds like a special case to me of the more general theory which jointly won the Nobel prize for professors Sod and Murphy. A BOFH should be well acquainted with their work, even though it is too difficult to understand for laymen such as management.

In the field

I have used a robot IRL* to good effect. It was a benchtop model and it sucked samples and reactant out of 2ml tubes (barcoded, it read barcodes) and aliquoted them in required amounts into 96 up to 386 well plates. You could aliquot your samples, seal the plates and keep them in the freezer for reactant aliquoting at a later date.

It had a macro language programming interface with drag and drop routines or custom or customised routines which you could save. It was much more accurate than even a hand held motorised pipette so you got more consistent results.

It was bought to handle population level samples from blood samples in a big study but the rest of us could also use it.

I built a FileMaker relational database for the big project which handled barcodes and printed them in sheets for affixing to the tubes. It was still working just fine when I left the lab.

*A working head which could pick up and discard pipette tips and move in X,Y and Z dimensions constrained by a frame. There was another one which took bundles of the plates and dipped them into different hot water pools for defined periods. A PCR robot using the original PCR method before the Peltier block killed the three water baths and a timer setup. But the specific heat capacity of water is hard to beat and the ramp times are steeper for the robot. A Back to the Future robot if you will.

Parallel Travel into Other Times and Outer Spaces with AIMaster Piloting Control

in Presumed Assumed Absolute Command*

"Risk? What risk?"

:-0) Spoken like a Native of the Genre. Bravo, El Reg ...... Welcome to the Asylum that Commends and Commands our Virtual Madness in Live Operational Virtual Environments.

Some would tell you not to deny they are Heavenly Spaces for Such Follies are Insanities ‽ .

And all of that would certainly really showcase the company's technical excellence.

Can you imagine the reactions elsewhere?

* .... :-) MOD would pay most generously to be able to provide program input into that as a Present Current Unfolding Augmented Virtual Reality Show for Virtually Free Global Information Broad Band Casting. And as an Open Secret , easily Policed and Peer Reviewed for Evidence of the Appearance of Malfeasance in any Unseemly Set Courses of Action .... delivering clashes in either joust or jest with an AIs NEUKlearer HyperRadioProACTive IT Facilities and Utilities from a Virtually Almighty Immaculate Space Place.

There's a lot to consider there, El Reg, and none of it is bad ........ therefore everything is good ... which is great too. If that aint Win Win, it would be Most Surprising.

My Boss asking me for shiny new hightech we are using?

Feeling like this two guys:

https://youtu.be/9BAEJyuReWQ

Just last time

I was thinking about the robot in the basement. Excellent timing!

This is why I don't drink when using the computer

This is the Bastard that we all know and love. So glad to see him back in full form, especially in this ridiculous age of "non-offensive" nonsense.

BRAVO !!!

Would love to do that

I've got a Director that is a complete wanker. I would love to do this to him. It is actually a goal of mine to get him fired this year. Posting anonymously for obvious reasons.

Robot playing a power axe? Think I saw that at Coachella!

He was no Jimi Hendrix, but then again neither is Jimi Hendrix these days.

At the mention of a robot, I expected the PFY to back away having flashbacks of the exchange with the robotics company. Really wasn't expecting the even older battle-bot to make a reappearance. Can't object to its usage, though. Then again, probably the only people who would are the type who would need it sent after them.