back to article Now that's integrity: Bloke sinks 7 beers, turns himself in. Cops weren't looking for him

We all like to think that we generally try to do the right thing. However, sometimes doing the right thing is not doing anything at all. It was all going so well for 59-year-old Billy Bob Hall, a resident of Weatherford, Texas. That is until he started worrying that he was "the subject of a warrant for a parole violation", …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Don't drink Budweiser.

    Having tasted that particular brew, once, there is NO chance I would try it again.

    1. Thoguht Silver badge
      Pint

      Re: Don't drink Budweiser.

      You managed to taste something in it? Obviously a more refined palate than mine.

      1. HildyJ
        Facepalm

        Re: Don't drink Budweiser.

        It's a sad comment on American lager that Sam Adams is advertising there version in the States with the tag line "I can taste my beer!"

    2. jamesdagger

      Re: Don't drink Budweiser.

      Anheuser-Busch Budweiser = crap

      Budějovický Budvar Budweiser = not a bad drop in the right circumstances

      1. Thoguht Silver badge

        Re: Don't drink Budweiser.

        True, although my current favourite tipple along those lines is Sainsbury's Czech lager, which is allegedly brewed in Prague by Staropramen.

        1. Rich 11 Silver badge

          Re: Don't drink Budweiser.

          And not by a bloke up the M1 named Dave.

        2. Loyal Commenter Silver badge
          Headmaster

          Re: Don't drink Budweiser.

          Pedant point - I think the tipple in question is a pilsner, not a lager (although technically pilsner is a type of lager, a distinction is usually drawn...)

        3. Evil_Goblin

          Re: Don't drink Budweiser.

          From my experiences in Czech Republic, Staropramen is treated as bottom end, and mainly avoided. Which makes me laugh when UK punters paid £5 a pint for it when it was rolled out as premium.

          But then I remember when Heineken used to be cheap ditchwater, then Champions League, Ray Liotta and sideways fermenting came along, and suddenly its "top brand"...

      2. veti Silver badge

        Re: Don't drink Budweiser.

        Except that the latter cannot legally be called "Budweiser" in the United States.

        So I infer that he was, in fact, drinking the crap.

    3. TheVogon Silver badge

      Re: Don't drink Budweiser.

      It seems unlikely that 7 American beers would get anyone with a greater mass than a small toddler inebriated.

      As we all know in the UK, to turn English beer into American beer, one simply drinks it.

      1. Flywheel Silver badge

        Re: Don't drink Budweiser.

        After 7 beers I'm surprised they didn't nick him for farting with intent!

        1. Fungus Bob Silver badge

          Re: Don't drink Budweiser.

          Don't go to Park County, Texas where you can get thrown in jail without a breathalyzer test.

    4. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

      Re: Don't drink Budweiser.

      I dunno - if you are after a low-taste, fairly low alcohol beer there are worse choices. When you just want something with a little bit of alcohol to wash down food that isn't going to give you a headache after one pint (sadly - most beers do) then Budweiser isn't the worst thing to drink.

  2. chivo243 Silver badge

    1, 7 or 17?

    I doubt it was the beer, no matter the brewer. Our friend Billy Bob probably also has a screw loose and needs other attention. I hope he finds it...

    1. Ole Juul

      Re: 1, 7 or 17?

      I'm not from Texas, so can't vouch for those kinda folk there, but you'd have a hard time finding somebody who could get drunk on 7 Budweisers where I live.

    2. hplasm Silver badge
      Meh

      Re: 1, 7 or 17?

      "Our friend Billy Bob probably also has a screw loose and needs other attention. I hope he finds it..."

      i hope he can afford it.

      FTFY.

  3. Chris G Silver badge

    The article doesn't say whether or not Billy Bob was carrying anything to compound the danger to himself and others.

    Being Texas he may well have had the firepower of a small militia, in which case he would definitely have been a subject for de-escalation.

    1. Cederic Silver badge

      Plus it may well be that the police assured he had a safe night's sleep, gave him a decent cooked breakfast and took him home the next day.

      1. CountCadaver Bronze badge

        Possibly violated his parole though for being drunk if he was actually out on parole....

      2. Dog11

        A baloney sandwich on white bread is a "decent cooked breakfast"? And as to the ride home, not a chance. Not in the USA.

        1. J. Cook Silver badge

          Hey now!

          This was texas, Not Arizona. Presumably, they feed their inmates something slightly better.

          (Besides, we finally managed to replace Mr. Arpaio with someone that hasn't committed human rights violations...)

      3. veti Silver badge

        That might have happened in some more civilised jurisdictions, but in this case the story specifies that he remains in the clink as at time of writing. I would assume he's sobered up by now, so...

  4. sbt Silver badge
    Trollface

    American beer is like sex in a canoe

    It's f*cking close to water.

    His name was Billy Bob

    His beer was weak as piss

    He stumbled in the station house

    Preventing his release.

    1. Evil Auditor Silver badge

      Re: American beer is like sex in a canoe

      The canoe thing, I once told a Budweiser promotion girl in some pub in Dublin. She very much not amused.

      1. Ken Moorhouse Silver badge

        Re: American beer is like sex in a canoe

        There's a joke in there somewhere about catching a crab.

      2. David 132 Silver badge
        Thumb Up

        Re: American beer is like sex in a canoe

        Well, give her credit for extreme bravery. I'd have thought that promoting Budweiser in a pub in Dublin is on a par with handing out Bibles in Mecca, optimism-wise.

        Or to badly quote Good Omens, "The Burger Lord pathfinder salesman had been shot, 25 minutes after setting foot in France."

        1. werdsmith Silver badge

          Re: American beer is like sex in a canoe

          Actually Heineken is popular in Dublin and not so far removed from the American rice piss.

      3. Ole Juul

        Re: American beer is like sex in a canoe

        It's ironic, but another American beer, Olympia, advertises right on the label that "it's the water".

  5. Dave Pickles
    Coat

    Sadder Budweiser

    (Joke (C) Tom Robbins 1980)

  6. llaryllama

    Why so much hate for Bud?

    Maybe you guys get some other variation but the 5% US import Budweiser sold in Asia is really quite nice. It's a clean inoffensive lager with pleasant toasted oak and apple flavors.

    1. Martin Gregorie Silver badge

      Re: Why so much hate for Bud?

      I've drunk a fair amount of US beer on its home territory. IMO Sierra Pale Ale and Sam Adams beers are far ahead of the rest. The very best I've had was brewed by the Outer Banks Brewing Station in Kitty Hawk, but the rest are but pale imitations of beer or lager. Some of the breweries are decidedly economical with the truth too. During a tour of the Coors brewery (I was in Golden, CO for an afternoon and ya gotta find something to do) we got a big spiel that Killians Red was invented by a past head brewer, a Mr. Kilian, but that was a flat out lie. Killian's Red was originated by the Pelforth brewery in France and licensed to Coors for sale in the USA.

      Looking outside the USA, my local serves an excellent pint of Jeffery Harding Bitter from the Oakham brewery and Fullers' beers seem to have survived being bought by Asahi. When it comes to lager, Staropramen is pretty good, as is almost any German beer provided its drunk local to the brewery but, to my taste anyway, but Budevar (brewed at Ceske Budejovice in Czechia) is better and the best lager I've tasted is Pilsener Urquell, which is brewed at Plzen, also in Czechia.

      1. Unicornpiss Silver badge
        Pint

        Microbrews

        These days in the USA, microbrews and brewpubs are everywhere. And there's some very fine beer to be had in every style and variety you can imagine. There is no excuse for the enlightened to be drinking the megabrewed mediocrity that is Anheiser Busch. The only people that drink Bud, at least when it's not free, are teens, oldsters that are afraid to try something new, and the type of idiots that are likely to scream at televisions and pound on the bar when 'their' team isn't doing well. That said, I am compelled to say one good thing about Budweiser, and that is that it is apparently brewed cleanly enough that it at least doesn't give you a terrible hangover. Though I personally have to struggle to drink enough 5% beers to make the buzz to urination ratio worth the effort. I will say that I usually shun Sam Adams unless it's a choice between it and something worse, but many of their offerings are drinkable. Their Oktoberfest this year is more than tolerable.

        1. werdsmith Silver badge

          Re: Microbrews

          Yes, the variety of American beer is really very good away from those mainstream brands and UK brewers are copying the style because they are popular here.

          They are still getting the temperature wrong though. How is anyone supposed to taste anything when your taste buds are cryogenically neutralised.

    2. Ordinary Donkey

      Re: Why so much hate for Bud?

      That is indeed a different beer to the 4.5% version sold exclusively in the UK, Ireland and Australia.

    3. Ian Emery Silver badge

      Re: Why so much hate for Bud?

      BALLS, I have drunk Bud in SE Asia and it is the same chilled piss.

      I say "drunk", I sipped, made a face, dribbled it back into the can and ordered some chrysanthemum tea.

  7. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

    Ode to American 'beers'

    There once was a girl named Anheuser,

    who said that no man could surprise her.

    But Pabst took a chance,

    found the Schlitz in her pants,

    and now she is sadder Budweiser.

    1. sbt Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Re: Ode to American 'beers'

      Amazing that folks have been riffing on American beer since at least 1905 (see page 3).

      1. martinusher Silver badge

        Re: Ode to American 'beers'

        Ameicans do know how to make beer. The problem was Prohibition, it cleared out the smaller brewers leaving just a handful of giant corporations that make what they think is beer. There are now in many part of the country a lot of smaller brewers that produce an acceptable drink (one of the more palatable local brews is '805') and there's an increasing number of brewpubs. The big corporations have noticed, though, and so they buy the smaller breweries or bring out their own 'pseudo-microbrews'.

        But then beer brewing isn't what it used to be. Try looking up "SABMiller" and following its trail of owners and acquisitions -- you're probably find that a lot of nice British beers are now made by something called Interbrew or some such in an industrial beer plant in Luton or somewhere like that.

        1. DCFusor Silver badge

          Re: Ode to American 'beers'

          Yuengling Lager isn't half bad. "America's oldest brewery". Since 1829 it says, though I'm not quite old enough to be sure.

          1. Montreal Sean

            Re: Ode to American 'beers'

            1829? Bah! Youngster!

            Molson has been brewing beer in Montreal since 1786. Still won't touch much of their product though.

            Older doesn't always mean better. :)

        2. RobThBay

          Re: Ode to American 'beers'

          Stella Artois beer from Belgium is also made by interbrew (whoever that is).

        3. J. Cook Silver badge

          Re: Ode to American 'beers'

          Sadly true- There's a local microbrewery that was borg'd by Anheuser-Busch about four years ago. (Four Peaks) It looks like they've been allowed to keep doing what they are doing, which isn't too bad- they make a hella outmeal stout.

    2. IceC0ld Silver badge

      Re: Ode to American 'beers'

      there HAS to be a TITSUP to this :o)

      T - otal

      I - nability

      T - o

      S - up

      U - S

      P - isswater

  8. Chairman of the Bored Silver badge

    Dated a gal...

    ...who's dad was a cop, and he had some awesome "stupid inebriated citizen" stories. My favorite is when a crackhead complained that someone had stolen some of his stash:

    "How much?"

    "Five hundred bucks!"

    "Still got some?"

    "Yeah! See?"

    "Dumbass!"

    ...click...

    Runner up... Cop and his partner are parked in a marked car in skid row, doing paperwork. Bum knocks on the window

    "Gimme a ride home!!"

    "Why the fsck should we?"

    "I pay your salary!"

    "BS! You don't pay ship!"

    "You know how much taxes I pay on booze???!"

    "Sir, I apologise. Where do you want us to go?..."

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Richard Currie stories ...

    Did he fart at them?

    1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Re: Richard Currie stories ...

      Along the same lines, the new "Spitting Image" has "a puppet of Donald Trump whose tweets are composed by his anus"

      https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2019/sep/28/spitting-image-returns-chaotic-times-trump-putin-zuckerberg

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: Richard Currie stories ...

        Excellent! I can't wait to see what they do with. I wonder if they'll be in time to do Boris and Brexit?

        1. Flywheel Silver badge

          Re: Richard Currie stories ...

          Yeah! They'll delay it 'specially. Brexit I mean,,,

  10. OssianScotland Silver badge
    Pint

    Budweiser

    (The US variety at least)

    Not drunk, only rented...

    or

    Pre-owned, for your convenience...

    (anything about pouring it back into the horse is probably going too far....)

  11. Grease Monkey

    Drunk enough to get arrested after 7 buds?

    Either the threshold for drunk and disorderly is incredibly low in Texas or BB's tolerance of alcohol is disturbingly low.

    1. veti Silver badge

      Standard Budweiser is 5% alcohol. If I drank seven pints of that, I'd be pretty disorderly, although come to think of it you'd have had to tie me down already so the damage would be limited.

      1. werdsmith Silver badge

        I don’t think it said anything about pints.

        1. veti Silver badge

          It didn't say anything about cans, either. Why assume?

          If he did his drinking in a bar, it was probably pints.

    2. xeroks

      Could the guy been about to get in his car? Perhaps the cops were actually doing him a favour by arresting him for something comparitively minor.

      Interestingly, according to wikipedia, bud is 5% in the US and 4.5% in the UK.

      Anyone know if that US 5% ABV is correct? AFAIK the US measures alcohol as % proof, not ABV

      1. RobThBay

        American 5% beer is definitely weaker than Canadian 5% beer.

        1. Anonymous Cow Herder

          Agreed, US percents are smaller, just like their gallons

  12. Mark 85 Silver badge

    He's still in jail? (according to the article)

    I'm surprised. Usually for public drunkenness it's like a catch and release program.

  13. Will Godfrey Silver badge
    Unhappy

    I used to visit America

    The first time I made the mistake of drinking some of their 'beer' and can fully understand that the only way to drink it is with it so cold you can't taste anything.

    After that I claimed I couldn't drink it for medical reasons.

    1. hmv Bronze badge

      Re: I used to visit America

      My dad spent 2 years in the states back in the 1970s working for IBM. He went as a beer drinker; came back as a wine drinker.

  14. MJI Silver badge

    Lager - Czech or Belgium?

    I do like genuine Czech lager, expecially the one of similar name to the recycled urine/

  15. Danny 2 Silver badge

    German Beer Purity Laws

    I was working near Frankfurt and staying at a hotel my employer was paying for. The waiter serving me breakfast was the same guy who'd been my bar tender the previous night. I mentioned I didn't have a hangover, and ascribed that to the 1516 German Beer Purity Laws because I'd downed about 15 pints and still felt fine.

    He replied, "It might be that. Or it might be because you were drinking non-alcoholic beer all night"

    "Why didn't you tell me?"

    "You seemed to be enjoying it."

    1. Rich 11 Silver badge

      Re: German Beer Purity Laws

      because I'd downed about 15 pints and still felt fine.

      I did that just before the Grand Prix in Macau in 1995. The reason I still felt fine was because I was used to stronger English beer and at the end of the night I still retained enough good sense to drink a pint of water before falling somewhere in the approximate direction of bed.

  16. EastFinchleyite

    Cocktails

    Various drinks mixtures have been given names such as Harvey Wallbanger, Screwdriver, Tom Collins etc

    7 bottles of Budweiser would be a "Waste of time and money"

  17. Ptol

    7 bottles of bud is about 3 1/2 british pints, but if he was worried about a parole violation, drinking beer is a parole violation in large parts of the USA - so that's what got him locked up...

  18. sum_of_squares
    Pint

    This is basically the real life implementation of RFC3514.

    Someone should buy this man a b.. err, a lemonade.

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