back to article BOFH: We must... have... beer! Only... cure... for... electromagnetic fields

BOFH logo telephone with devil's horns "Just a little H and S thing," the Boss says, popping his head around the door to Mission Control. "?" the PFY and I respond wordlessly... "There's some cables causing problems in the design department." "Cables?" "Yes, not sure what it is but maybe one of you could pop up?" ...10 …

  1. Alister Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    And if you think the paranoia's bad now, imagine what it'll be like next week after the PFY and I pop up to the users' office later this evening with a couple of heat guns and melt everything plastic within 1 metre radius of the domestic units..

    Brilliant Simon, just brilliant! You owe me a new keyboard, but I owe you several pints, so let's call it quits...

    1. Neil Barnes Silver badge

      The master touch!

      Hmm, we need a hot air icon...

      1. Paul Crawford Silver badge
        Mushroom

        Is this hot enough =>

    2. Captain Scarlet Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      :O I completly missed the last paragraph (Not sure why)

      Have an upvote

    3. LeahroyNake Silver badge

      Some of you need water, tea, coffee maybe beer proof keyboards lol I'm happy breaking one of the creaky £4.99 mouse keyboard combo deals once a week (company approved supplier deal, they come with a ps/2 to USB adapter :0 ).

    4. Zippy´s Sausage Factory

      It is an absolute cracker of an ending, I agree. Probably my favourite one for quite a while.

    5. LongtimeLurkerNewbieCommentard
      Coffee/keyboard

      ... Brilliant indeed

      Didnt wreck my keyboard but i too gave a big loud goofy laugh at that line. Unforunately i was hiding in the shed with a pint at the time. I spluttered and spilled the pint, and now the missus knows where i am...

    6. Blackjack

      PLASTIC! IS ON YOUR SOLES!

      "But... the computers have plastic parts."

      "Yes, just keep them far away and they will be fine."

      "And what about pens?"

      "What about them?"

      "They have plastic."

      "Oh and let's not forget shoes, most of them have plastic nowadays, don't they?"

      "And belts, some belts have plastic."

      "And the hallways have that plastic flooring don't they?"

      ****

      You can guess the rest and even insert the appropriate names, is fun!

    7. Toltec

      I absolutely haven't done anything like this ever, no mention at all of cooking the fish in the office tank at all.

  2. Neal L

    I was not expecting this when I got in this morning. Excellent stuff as usual.

  3. DailyLlama
    Pint

    Utter genius

    I need say no more!

  4. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
    Coffee/keyboard

    Superb episode!

    The heat-gun follow-up almost cost me a keyboard

  5. don't you hate it when you lose your account Bronze badge

    Unthinkable

    That I would have pulled such a stunt. Why prat with wireless when it's that shinning new graphics card you're after.

    1. Rameses Niblick the Third Kerplunk Kerplunk Whoops Where's My Thribble? Silver badge

      Re: Unthinkable

      Why prat with wireless when it's that shinning new graphics card you're after.

      Bart: You mean "shining".

      Willie: Shh! you want to get sued?

      Youtube

  6. MGJ

    Let me guess, they have new iPhones because they don't want any 5g around them

    1. Scroticus Canis
      Devil

      Well they won't be getting any from the cell towers

      At least not from around here.

  7. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

    I'm having headaches

    This article has given me a headache. I think that there must be negative auras being emitted by the text. Negative auras generated by the cynicism and lack of faith of the author. Something must be done about it for the mental health of your readership!

    I think that Simon needs to be sent for emergency Reiki treatment followed by a course of homeopathic carpets and quicklime - in order to clear his negativity. Then in just a few weeks will get a new column The Joyful Angelic Helpdesk of Delight - about a company where the helpdesk are nice to all the fluffy users and everybody's happy and all the managers are lovely.

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

    2. juice Silver badge

      Re: I'm having headaches

      > I think that Simon needs to be sent for emergency Reiki treatment followed by a course of homeopathic carpets and quicklime - in order to clear his negativity

      I know someone who swears by Reiki - they use it on pretty much everything, from humans to animals, plants and even glasses of water. And they claim to be able to detect physical issues through it, as well as being able to tell when someone is remotely sending healing to them.

      Oddly, they always go into a bit of a "you're a muggle, you don't understand" huff whenever I question the workings of this process or ask if there's been any proper double-blind testing of these telempathic properties. Or when I mention that there's still a million-dollar prize courtesy of the Randi foundation for any proof of extra-sensory phenomena such as this.

      I don't talk to them much, these days.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: I'm having headaches

        Well, here's the weird thing.

        I never knew it was called Reiki, but I have been able to feel other people's headaches and move them from when I was about 12, but sensibly never really mentioned it to anyone after the first attempt to explain it was, umm, not really resulting in anything positive.

        When I took up Tai Chi and we were introduced to feeling Chi, I was stunned to discover that that was very familiar .. which turns out to be the driver behind Reiki too. Sadly that's when travel took off in my professional life and I haven't resumed any of it since.

        I can't dismiss what I have experienced myself, especially not now I have had external validation (i.e. I'm not deluding myself :) ). That still doesn't make it scientific, so I'd love to know if there are any studies out there that try to identify how this even works.

        1. 's water music Silver badge
          Happy

          Re: I'm having headaches

          YA Tiffany Aching AICMFP

        2. juice Silver badge

          Re: I'm having headaches

          > I never knew it was called Reiki, but I have been able to feel other people's headaches and move them from when I was about 12, but sensibly never really mentioned it to anyone after the first attempt to explain it was, umm, not really resulting in anything positive.

          I generally try to listen to things like this with an open mind - after all, there's an entire universe of possibilities out there and we've barely scratched the surface when it comes to understanding them.

          (Though without wanting to sound negative, as a species, we've spent a lot of time studying the universe we live in, and where we've found things which are reproducible and measurable, we've studied them and added them to our scientific knowledge base. Which tends to suggest that at least some of what remains is either explainable via our existing knowledge base, or is purely a psychological effect...)

          Anyhow, best of luck if you ever do decide to look further into the things you've encountered!

          1. DropBear Silver badge

            Re: I'm having headaches

            My best effort goes along the lines of "well basically it's 100% that the other guy is successfully deluding himself (even if unintentionally) but hey I won't hold this against him - that's so easy to do. And I'm willing to reconsider based on some kind of more objective proof - but nothing less.

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: I'm having headaches

              Well, I agree with you. The problem with approaching this with any kind of scientific rigor was that it (a) required a volume of people with headaches and (b) a control group, and then you still would not have addressed the psychosomatic angle.

              In the end I decided to focus on results. Where it works, hurray. If not, I also have a supply of painkillers :).

              1. Anonymous Coward
                Anonymous Coward

                Re: I'm having headaches

                "In the end I decided to focus on results. Where it works, hurray. If not, I also have a supply of painkillers :)."

                I'm much the same but in another way. A friend wanted me to help with an aching shoulder and when I went to give it a rub I felt what I can only describe as 'heat' coming off that area. Not much but enough I could tell where the damage was.

                he told his mum, and within a few weeks I was giving back rubs and neck rubs and all sorts to half the women in town. Many would be high on MILF and perhaps even GILF scales - but I was way too young at the time to have a clue about that stuff. I think I got a few offers though. In time I was better able to know not only where the damage was but what was needed to relieve it.

                Sometimes it's psychosomatic, sometimes the headache can be caused by mental stresses which are relieved by the act of someone caring (don't ask me for the mechanism, but the effect if not the mechanism is pretty well documented), and sometimes there's actual physical relief when someone massages a joint for you. Any kind of joint, they can all work ;)

        3. This post has been deleted by its author

        4. Grooke

          Re: I'm having headaches

          I can move a coat rack with my mind as long as a cute receptionist is sitting next to it with an umbrella.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: I'm having headaches

        Well, here's a thing. A while back I studied Reiki (and started out open minded but skeptical).

        During one of the Reiki shares (where trainee's practice on one another and provide feedback) we had a new lady join and I gave her a treatment. Now, we were always told not treat anyone who was pregnant, so when I 'detected*' something different around her abdomen I backed off and ended the treatment.

        * In my mind's eye it was like lots of black flecks of energy falling down a hole.

        During the feedback session I asked the lady if she was pregnant and she burst into tears. Apparently she had literally just come from the hospital where she had been diagnosed with cancer of the uterus.

        It was genuinely quite spooky (on top of being quite upsetting at the time as well of course).

      3. tlhonmey

        Re: I'm having headaches

        It's a very subtle effect. Nothing the Randi foundation would be particularly interested in. The people who claim to be influencing inanimate objects in any significant way or throwing energy across thousands of miles are probably delusional. Even thinking about it as sending energy is probably incorrect as the human nervous system is not capable of the kinds of power output required to actually do that. More likely it's some kind of harmonic effect.

        The human body emits some fairly significant electromagnetic fields, and some people can learn to sense them at close range, and control their own to a certain degree. I have seen some electromagnetic devices used in chiropractic and massage practices for detecting cramped muscles and pinched nerves and similar maladies. In many cases I can detect the same things by touch. I have a cousin who can find them within a few inches without touching, but I'm not that good myself.

        I don't practice my Reiki as much as I probably should, but when giving a massage I often get comments that my hands feel burning hot, even from people who know neither what Reiki is nor that I'm capable of using it. Out of curiosity I've checked the actual temperature of my hands in such circumstances and it doesn't seem to actually change, so the sensation must come from something else.

        Don't get me wrong. There are a lot of delusional people claiming phenomenal cosmic powers and just outright fraudsters preying on the credulous. But I do think it would be interesting to plaster a good Reiki practitioner and his subject with EEG sensors and see if we can get a glimpse into what's going on.

    3. Mark 85 Silver badge

      @I ain't Spartacus -- Re: I'm having headaches

      You forgot the ending to what you wrote....

      "And they're coming to take me away ha-haaa

      They're coming to take me away ho-ho hee-hee ha-haaa

      To the funny farm

      Where life is beautiful all the time

      And I'll be happy to see those nice young men

      In their clean white coats

      And they're coming to take me away ha-haaa"

      Which pretty much sums up where most of are mentally after dealing with users.

      1. J. Cook Silver badge

        Re: @I ain't Spartacus -- I'm having headaches

        You forgot the best part:

        "They're coming to take me away ho-ho hee-hee ha-haaa

        To the happy home with trees and flowers and chirping birds

        And basket weavers who sit and smile and twiddle their thumbs and toes…"

        A blast into the past:

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Fn36l_z3WY

        (not a rickroll)

        Fun fact: the B-side of this album was the song, IN REVERSE.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: @I ain't Spartacus -- I'm having headaches

          "Fun fact: the B-side of this album was the song, IN REVERSE."

          I remember that!

          My dad was great at managing records, kept properly stored in a nice lockable box and he only took them out to tape them. I should look up what a collector would pay for that single in such condition, show the price to my siblings, and remind them that when he died I asked for the records but they didn't want to ship them.

          200+ LPs, and several 75s and a handful of 45s from the 20s till the 70s, many played only once or twice and maybe some never played, covers protected from moisture and sunlight. All unceremoniously chucked into a dump truck and sent to the tip.

          1. DWRandolph

            Re: @I ain't Spartacus -- I'm having headaches

            They chucked such a fine set of vinyl!!! How do they find the floor when getting out of bed?

            1. Kiwi Silver badge

              Re: @I ain't Spartacus -- I'm having headaches

              They chucked such a fine set of vinyl!!! How do they find the floor when getting out of bed?

              If I'd been present when they did it, that might not have been a problem. No interest whatsoever in the content, but I knew people who'd've paid reasonably (perhaps even handsomely) to have that collection :(

    4. Blackjack

      Re: I'm having headaches

      QuickTime? Does that thing still exist?

      https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/QuickTime

  8. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
    Facepalm

    I know somebody who's bought a bluetooth headset, in order not to have a radio source next to her head when making phonecalls. The radiation from the phone causes headaches you see...

    1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

      That's not as daft as you think: the phone has to talk to the next cell tower and almost certainly needs more bandwidth than a Bluetooth headset.

      That said, there has been lots of research about the EM of phones and none of it indicates much of a risk when talking, though the phones can get uncomfortably warm.

      1. Chloe Cresswell

        This is where we find it's a bluetooth headset to a deskphone! ;)

      2. Tom 7 Silver badge

        As far as I can tell every blind test done on these people has shown they are radiating em/acoustic waves from their used food transmitter.

        1. Ugotta B. Kiddingme Silver badge
          Coffee/keyboard

          re: used food transmitter

          another great addition to the euphemism lexicon. Thanks.

      3. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        "almost certainly needs more bandwidth than a Bluetooth headset."

        And a lot more power.

      4. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge

        none of it indicates much of a risk when talking, though the phones can get uncomfortably warm.

        yeah but thats not the microves cooking your brain/phone , its the normal heat from the circuits.

        It'll still get warm in airplane mode with no radio waves if you use it enough.

        1. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

          its the normal heat from the circuits.

          Probably the screen, since that's usually by far the most power-hungry component in a phone.

      5. Mark 85 Silver badge
        Headmaster

        @Charlie Clark

        the phone has to talk to the next cell tower and almost certainly needs more bandwidth than a Bluetooth headset.

        Not bandwidth but power is needed.

      6. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
        Coat

        "That's not as daft as you think: the phone has to talk to the next cell tower and almost certainly needs more bandwidth than a Bluetooth headset."

        Yeahbut, those tiny little earpieces have little loudspeakers in them and we all know speakers use magnets and coils so generate electromagnetic RADIATION and the source is RIGHT INSIDE YOUR EAR!!!11!!ONE!!

    2. Mongrel

      I do recall sniggering at people using headsets while declaring how bad the radiation is then dumping the phone on their lap to mutate their meat & veg.

  9. OssianScotland Silver badge
    Mushroom

    Radiation

    SWMBO has thrown out a perfectly good microwave oven because there was a little rust on the bottom, and she was worried radiation was escaping (presumably the rust was to disguise the tunnel it was escaping through). I tried to explain, but eventually gave up. My daughter, with school physics, completely understood what I was trying to say.

    icon: because.... radiation....

    1. Paul Kinsler

      Re: Radiation

      A long time ago in a country far, far away (Australia), I was doing a PhD, and shared an office with a bunch of others, all doing various topics in quantum optics. This being Brisbane, during the summer the office was rather hot. Naturally, in the absence of any air conditioning, it was often hard to concentrate in the heat.

      "Hah", I thought, I'll put a sign on the door referring to the air temperature in a way amusing to all the other graduate students. So I printed out a simple sign, saying "Warning: high levels of thermal radiation are present in this room" and put it up on the door. This indeed was possibly found to be at least slightly humorous by others, especially since in most quantum optics calculations, thermal photons can be safely ignored - optical frequencies have energies far greater than any available room-temperature thermal energies.

      Shortly afterwards, for some reason that wasn't immediately obvious, our wastepaper bins stopped being emptied by the cleaners. Naturally I enquired at the Physics office as to why this might be ...

      1. ICPurvis47 Bronze badge
        Boffin

        Re: Radiation

        My father used to work in the Anatomy department of University College London, in Gower Street, near Euston. His Boss, Professor Hugh Davson, was infuriated by the cleaners, who used to clear his desk so they could dust it, then put everything back in the wrong place. He was the sort of guy who would never tell even a little white lie, so one day he took one of the large metal cased resistors and placed it in the centre of his desk with a large notice saying "Beware, 10,000 Ohms". None of the cleaners ever went near his desk again.

        1. Myvekk

          Re: Radiation

          He was very resistant to them messing with his desk!

          http://i.imgur.com/vyk9AU5.jpg

      2. bpfh Silver badge
        Mushroom

        Re: Radiation

        On the basis that "radiation is bad m'kay", you could look for something very gamma emmitting, and put a big warning sign "energetic light", as it's technically true, yet contains no trigger words, and would have the effect of stopping reproduction of idiots who get too close?

    2. Snapper

      Re: Radiation

      You changed the wrong item of dodgy equipment!

  10. A K Stiles Silver badge
    Alien

    solution

    We had a house guest for a while that complained the WIFI caused them to have headaches (whilst merrily holding a mobile phone to their ear for an hour or more every day).

    I turned the router off, and about half an hour later they said they were feeling much improved. A quick check on the wifi analyser app showed we were still in the middle of 7 other networks from the various neighbours houses.

    Later that night I stuck a strip of black electrical tape across the blinken-lights on the router and turned it back on. Success - no more headaches reported, and available internet for the rest of us!

    1. Oengus Silver badge

      Re: solution

      Better solution - get rid of the complaining house guest.

    2. Baldrickk Silver badge

      Re: solution

      Similar story with a family member. At least they didn't insist in it being turned off.

      My response was to play with the transmit power settings over the course of a week, from almost non-existent to well above*ahem* I mean, up to the legal limit for Wifi in this country.

      Despite one day having everyone complaining about the wifi dropping out in the next room and the next having it usable halfway down the street, they didn't say anything about it.

      1. Chris 15

        Re: solution

        I would point out that having the wifi set to *ahem* maximum legal power <wink wink> that due to the way that wifi networks implement collision avoidance, you could actually reduce your usable bandwidth (and theirs) if someone else has a router on same or near to frequency (channel) within rx range of your suspiciously powerful ap.

        1. Baldrickk Silver badge

          Re: solution

          Oh, I know, which is why it was returned to a sensible value afterwards. This was just for testing.

    3. Dr Dan Holdsworth
      Boffin

      Re: solution

      Statistical testing of people claiming to be electrosensitive demonstrated conclusively that whilst they were not able to tell if a completely blank wifi access point was powered up or not, they did start getting strange headaches whenever the blinkenlights were on...

      1. juice Silver badge

        Re: solution

        > Statistical testing of people claiming to be electrosensitive demonstrated conclusively that whilst they were not able to tell if a completely blank wifi access point was powered up or not, they did start getting strange headaches whenever the blinkenlights were on...

        https://www.who.int/peh-emf/publications/facts/fs296/en/

        "Well controlled and conducted double-blind studies have shown that symptoms were not correlated with EMF exposure"

        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electromagnetic_hypersensitivity

        "several double-blind experiments have shown that people who report electromagnetic hypersensitivity are unable to detect the presence of electromagnetic fields and are as likely to report ill health following a sham exposure as they are following exposure to genuine electromagnetic fields"

        https://www.nhs.uk/news/neurology/mobile-phone-mast-sensitivity-is-it-all-in-the-mind/

        "The researchers conclude that GSM mobile signal exposure had no effect upon well being"

        TBF, there's a bit of hedging in each of the above articles, but it does seem fairly safe to say that EMF sensitivity is psychological rather than physiological...

        1. jmch Silver badge

          Re: solution

          "EMF sensitivity is psychological rather than physiological."

          Upvote for the accuracy - EMF sensitivity is not necessarily bunkum, but could be a genuine psychological issue. Mental health should not be treated as a joke, however funny or ridiculous any claims could seem to a technical expert.

          1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

            Re: solution

            I wonder if anyone checked for sub- or ultrasonic sounds from the devices when powered up? Some people might be sensitive to noises but since they are outside the normal hearing range don't know the cause so just jump on the "EMF is melting my brain" bandwagon.

            1. NetBlackOps

              Re: solution

              While I was testing in the military, it was found that I could audio frequencies as high as 55 KHz, what they call "dog ears", which came in handy despite the fact they couldn't make me a sonar technician (which they really, really wanted to do). I could not only hear the clicks and various normal audible sounds of electronics as they powered on but also the harmonic "singing" in the higher freqs so I always "knew" when it was in proper operation. Really handy when high power electronics (RADAR, navigation, etc. equipment) was involved. I did receive a lot of strange looks over the years though.

            2. Sherrie Ludwig

              Re: solution

              When I was a lot younger, there were some shops that used a (I think) security system that emitted a high frequency sound which most people could not hear. I could, and I had to avoid those because it was akin to nails on a chalkboard for me, but did not affect people I shopped with..

              Living in Chicago at the time and taking public transportation, I had to block my ears at certain places riding the "el" because the sound emitted at certain turns was excruciating. I am much older and deafer (too many rock concerts) so not bothered. I wonder if something like that could be operating here?

              One friend's child is autism spectrum, and fluorescent tube lighting really bothers him, could it be 60 cycle hum/flicker?

              Not discounting hypochondria, but just because I can't hear it/feel it doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

              1. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

                Re: solution

                Fluorescent tubes can have two separate effects:

                Firstly 50/60Hz flicker (depending on the mains frequency in your country) which can be more detectable in peripheral vision - parts of the retina away from the fovea contain more cone cells which are apparently sensitive to flicker right up to around 60Hz. Incidentally, LED lighting that uses an unsmoothed power supply may produce a more noticeable flicker, because the LED response time is much lower than that of flurescent or conventional lighting, so the light curve follows the voltage more closely.

                Secondly, the high-voltage "starter" on some fluorescent strip bulb operates at a much higher frequency (in the multi-kilohertz range), and vibrations from cheap transformers at high frequencies can cause a high-pitched hum. Generally speaking, transformers shouldn't give off a "hum", and it is often a good indicator that the power supply for a bit of kit is on its way out if you can hear a high-pitched hum from it.

                1. Alan Ferris
                  Windows

                  Re: solution

                  I agree, except you've muddled up your rods and your cones. Rods are for monochrome, low intensity light, cones are for colour vision and are concentrated at the fovea.

                2. NickHolland

                  Re: solution

                  YES, the AC frequency is 50/60hz.

                  HOWEVER, fluorescent and most other lights flicker at TWICE that -- the light on both halves of the AC wave form, so you get a 100/120hz flicker. Usually not a problem, though noticeable if motion is involved.

                  LEDs have a very fast response rate, but 50hz is so low, even an incandescent light can have measurable flicker. What's different for LEDs is they are respond to only one direction of current -- cheap LEDs (notably, Christmas lights) only light on half the AC wave, so they DO flicker at 50/60hz, not 100/120hz. Run an LED through a bridge rectifier, they flicker at 100/120hz, which people don't generally notice (and exactly the same as fluorescent). Add a filter cap, flicker is mostly gone. Most LED light bulbs I have looked at have at least a rectifier and capacitor.

          2. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

            Re: solution

            If suggestibility were considered to be a mental health issue, I've a feeling that the vast majority of people would be locked up for their own good.

            It's a personality disorder, at best.

          3. David 4

            Re: solution

            All I read on here is a pile of crap coming from people who know nothing about the condition and think they are funny by making stupid comments about the effects of the technology on those that suffer from EHS, or the results of real studies that don't send home those that are affected by wifi because they are already ill from it. The IEEE which is the largest Electrical standards body in the world, have results that prove it affects people, other scientific studies that don't just focus on the 'cancer' issue have identified that it does cause health problems. TED talks have also had seminars and presentations on it as it is a serious issue that is growing.

            Double blind studies have proven over and over that many of the short and medium term effects on people (as well as some animals) are real, but as there are so many people like those on here repeating such rubbish and repeating the marketing crap that they have read elsewhere, that the real information gets drowned out. Is it any wonder why it seems to be so rare, when most of those that genuinely suffer from the comdition avoid places like this and don't comment to correct the incorrect views, as they know there are so many juveniles that will inevitably reply with sarcasm and childish comments. (even from the Reg staff themselves as this story shows!)

            EHS IS real, and it IS affecting people all over the World, current estimates are at over 2% and rising.

            If you had a child, friend or relative with MS or cancer and someone mocked them saying they were making it up and it is faked, how would you feel? Not everyone is affected by each condition, and we are all different, so think before you make such childish comments next time.

            EHS is a terrible debilitating condition that is made worse by people like the author of this page and the idiots that make childish comments like I see here. Would you mock a child in a wheechair in the same way? I'd say "you should be ashamed", but seeing the lack of maturity displayed here in the story and comments, that I doubt many of you would even spend 2 seconds considerig that you might be wrong.

            1. Kiwi Silver badge

              Re: solution

              EHS IS real, and it IS affecting people all over the World, current estimates are at over 2% and rising.

              Yup, I've seen it well proven that some people can at the very least tell when an electrical field changes, is turned off and so on. The mechanism may not be known but it is obvious it can at least be an irritant.

              An analogy would be something like a peanut allergy. Most of us can eat all foods without any real reaction to anything (save for overeating or too much fat/sugar etc). But someone with a serious food allergy can have a strong reaction to a very tiny amount of it. That's why chocolate bars carry a warning that they're produced in factories that also produce nut-based products - a small amount of cross-contamination could cause a serious reaction.

              Likewise with EM fields, while most people wouldn't notice anything there are some who can notice, and the level of 'notice' could have some health impacts. It might be on the level of irritation caused by a constant buzzing, it might cause a bit of discomfort somewhere on the body (not necessarily directly related to the source of EMF).. And maybe it could trigger a cell to go cancerous, although cancer itself seems to be quite rare.

              Certainly, the radiation emitted by screens seems to rot the brain. Have the non-believers not watched modern phone users? (Joking aside, I do believe people are so-affected).

      2. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        Re: solution

        "they did start getting strange headaches whenever the blinkenlights were on"

        So they were sensitive to electromagnetic radiation after all.

      3. Mark 85 Silver badge

        Re: solution

        they did start getting strange headaches whenever the blinkenlights were on...

        Did anyone tell them not watch the blinking lights? The ex- used to complain of headaches if she was in the room with the WIFI. I taped over the lights, she knew it was still "on" but suddenly, no headaches.

        1. Kiwi Silver badge
          Paris Hilton

          Re: solution

          I taped over the lights, she knew it was still "on" but suddenly, no headaches.

          AIUI, there's lots of documented cases of flashing lights causing seizures (at least with people prone to them) and causing irritation and headaches in others. Perhaps, if they were in her visual range, they were of a colour, intensity and flashing frequency to cause her issues? Other colours, brightnesses or flash rates might not bother her.

          On my Dell Latitude laptop I had to cover the WiFi light especially in low light, extremely annoying (HDD light was either on or off-but-occasional-flash for long periods, not the regular flashing of the other one). My last-ever Akai monitor has a bright red LED that slowly blinks when the computer shuts down. It sits between me and another screen and I have to yank the bloody power from it. Both give me migraines, but lots of other flashing/flickering lights aren't a problem.

          1. Sir Runcible Spoon Silver badge

            Re: solution

            Perhaps the fear of the radiation caused them stress which resulted in headaches, with the fear being trigger by the knowledge that the wi-fi units were 'on' (as indicated by the lights).

            Cover the lights, subject thinks device is off, stress levels reduce, headache goes away.

      4. Allan George Dyer Silver badge
        Facepalm

        Re: solution

        @Dr Dan Holdsworth - "they did start getting strange headaches whenever the blinkenlights were on..."

        Some of those lights are uncomfortably bright, especially the blue ones.

    4. MJI Silver badge

      Re: solution

      I can sense the electric from transmission cables, but I think that is simply due to 1/4 million volts.

      Don't notice in the car, only walking, or biking.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: solution

        Decades ago, a bunch of us were in an office building, with a rather largish electric cable buried under the concrete floor. Several users complained that the magnetic field was giving them headaches. I investigated, and, sure enough, the magnetic field was giving them headaches; It even gave me a headache. For, you see, this was back in the era of CRT monitors, and the magnetic field was strong enough that it was causing the image on the display to bounce up and down. Trying to read text while it was bouncing like that was quite difficult.

        I investigated, and, as best as I could discover, at least without jack-hammering the concrete floor up, there was a three-phase, 440 Volt, 200 Amp circuit running under the concrete floor of the offices. I'm pretty sure that the phases were separated and ran in different conduits, such that the magnetic fields produced by one phase wasn't negated by the reverse field from the others phases (which goes against modern electrical code, but who knows what the code was 60 years ago when the building was built?).

        Management asked me if there were any health concerns (well, other than the employees going postal from the aggravation of trying to read screens which bounced up and down), and I told them that I wouldn't touch that question with a 10 foot pole (I'm an engineer, not a doctor!).

        We moved out of that building a few months later.

        Anon Ymous.

      2. H in The Hague Silver badge
        Pint

        Re: solution

        "I can sense the electric from transmission cables, but I think that is simply due to 1/4 million volts."

        Yup, I think that's got to do with your body hair being affected (electrostatic force) which the force-sensitive nerve cells in your skin can detect, at least in some people. A car would shield you from the electrostatic field.

        Now the following may make me sound like a weirdo: when I got my first GSM phone around two decades ago (Motorola Startac) I always got a strange burning feeling at the top of my skull when I made a call - I don't think that's something I imagined as I'm not at all afraid of technology. Got another phone and that didn't happen. Got a Palm Treo (basically a smartphone before that term had been invented) and it happened again, though to a lesser extent. Never had the problem with the Nokia and Samsungs I've had since. Anybody got any idea what might have caused that????? (If I had imagined it, it would not have gone away when I switched phones.)

        Here's one for the weekend.

        1. MJI Silver badge

          Re: solution

          Startac - I remember them, they were hot I think.

          Not had hot phone issue for years. First one I used didn't but it weighed a ton and had a lead to the main unit.

          Some early pre Nokia all in ones were wierd.

        2. Sir Runcible Spoon Silver badge
          Joke

          Re: solution

          Perhaps those particular phones used a frequency that interfered with the alien implanted transmitter that was embedded in the top of your skull when you were abducted?

    5. Tom 35 Silver badge

      Re: solution

      I did the opposite. I took and old dead router and removed all the guts. I had a bag of self flashing LEDs from ebay that should have been RED but turned out to be RGB (the supplier sent the right ones and told me to keep the wrong ones) so I hot glued 5 of them to the inside and connected them to the power supply with a resister.

      So I had a regular disco light that worked great as an idiot repellent.

    6. Luiz Abdala Bronze badge

      Re: solution

      Back in the 802.11b days - 10mpbs - I was living in a place where there was no Web access whatsoever, by the shore, in a remote location. A closed village. And I found an ISP willing to provide me with access, even if it was wireless.

      That ISP owner was a sort of rogue entrepeneur (the best sort), and since there were very few Federal Regulations whatsoever for that matter, we went for line-of-sight antennas - nearly parabolic dishes - installed on my rooftop, and a cell tower where he could rent a spot and had a fiber line. All major cell companies were using that tower, and they didn't give him two cents when he said he was using 2.4GHz.

      We cranked those suckers well beyond any legal limits for testing. We managed to blackout the entire city BEHIND me - 20km away. NOT A SINGLE WIFI signal would work. The local FCC gave him a call, (in 72h), to remind him of the maximum power such transmitters could have.

      In the end we settled - what were the values again? - in a transmitter with a couple of Watts of power over 20dBi antennas (is that the unit?) and managed stable 300kbps over 3 miles. Anything more powerful would reflect from the OCEAN next to me.

      Three miles. He even ran some tests with PRINGLE CANS. In the end, I could run it nicely, and get wifi on the entire shore line, due to another omnidirectional antenna he put up. Once he developed it for me, he started selling to all my neighbours, and got a fantastic return of investment.

      He kept that service for at least 10 years, until the large telcos/ISPs had any interest in the area.

      Once we were inside legal power limits, we kept running that setup for quite a while unhindered, until we could grab 802.11g cards meant for PCMCIA sockets jerry-rigged into PCI boards by D-Link themselves... and the rest is history.

      And not a single headache beyond the hassle of setting those suckers up on the roof, like they were TV antennas, and finicky pigtail sockets/connectors, and extra-thick one-inch RF cabling. drilled through a 20" wall.

  11. Benson's Cycle

    Glastonbury

    Given that something very similar happened IRL in Glastonbury when the Council tried to install free wifi to boost trade in the town centre, this is just very close to reality.

    Down the road in Frome, the (extremely non-STEM) council has just voted not to encourage 5G after a meeting attended by "experts" including representatives from Glastonbury, better known for sales of chakra-adjusting crystals.

    It gives me a headache similar to the one caused by Andrew Wakefield, which more than 50 years exposure to a lot of kinds of EM radiation (not including light) has so failed to do.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Glastonbury

      "free wifi"

      No such thing! Its always an outsourced service which can only be accessed via a portal which insists that you have to sign up for an account of some sort, presumably for the purpose of harvesting your personal information and pushing advertising at you.

      1. Benson's Cycle
        Black Helicopters

        Re: Glastonbury

        Actually you are quite wrong. I knew the councillor involved in the project and this was in the days before "free" wifi and data harvesting. Your cynicism is misplaced.

        I guess you also think those councils in the US providing municipal wifi are only in it to spy on their citizens? Sometimes elected bodies actually do things intended to benefit the electors.

        1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

          Re: Glastonbury

          Not saying they don't but unless they've persuaded some business to provide it for free it comes out of the rates Council Tax.

          1. Terry 6 Silver badge

            Re: Glastonbury

            Free at the point of use is free to all intents and purposes.

      2. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge

        Re: Glastonbury

        presumably for the purpose of harvesting your personal information and pushing advertising at you.

        yup , free.

      3. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

        Re: Glastonbury

        Its always an outsourced service which can only be accessed via a portal which insists that you have to sign up for an account of some sort, presumably for the purpose of harvesting your personal information and pushing advertising at you.

        I've never found one of these that can't be defeated simply by giving a false name and email address. Presumably because, to verify the email would require that you can access your email, which would require access to the wi-fi, which would require that you verify your email...

        1. Soruk

          Re: Glastonbury

          Some WiFi services give you a few minutes free to access said email and click on the link.

          1. Baldrickk Silver badge

            Re: Glastonbury

            That's long enough to set-up said throwaway email address and request the link to be resent

    2. ricardian

      Re: Glastonbury

      Orkney Islands Council and the BBC installed a temporary 5G aerial on our island's only school a couple of months ago. They also issued several 5G handsets and requested that the users report on how useful they were. Two families immediately removed their children (a total of 8 children) from the school because of "radiation". Today the BBC announced that the 5G transmitter will be turned off next week, here's the response from the head of one of the families (posted as it was received, complete with lower case initials, etc):

      "Stronsay 5g trial update - all parents have just received an email from the head teacher saying mast will be turned off on monday and removed sometime in October.

      I am obviously very pleased that our kids can finally go back to their school. But I think my main emotion that I am left with is sadness. There is something far wrong in orkney if the oic are prioritise using our schools for anything other than educating our children especially when it results in 25% of the kids being withdrawn from the school! I am hopeful that we will have further discussions with oic regarding the trial and the implementation of it.

      I would like to say a huge thank you to all of the folk that have sent us advice and messages of support it has meant a great deal to us over this very frustrating time."

  12. OGShakes

    Irradiated Haggis

    A few years ago I was setting up WiFi for a recording studio at a country house between a military base that was on a map and one that was not. Unnamed Recording Artists who had various top 10 hits would come in and spend time in the studio, so the WiFi had to work 100% of the time or else. We found that a cheap consumer AP would last about 2 days before becoming unreliable, good quality business units lasted better but still didn't give the 24/7 reliable service they wanted. Blame was given to the military sites and plans were put in place to tinfoil the walls, floors, ceilings and anything else that interference could enter through including the cat flap. It was at this point they had the equipment in the studio updated, including the wiring, amps, mixing desks, wireless microphones... all of which were powerful enough to be used in any stadium. Amazingly the issues went away...

    1. KittenHuffer Silver badge

      Re: Irradiated Haggis

      4691 irradiated haggis ......... 4691 irradiated haggis ......... 4691 irradiated haggis ......... 4691 irradiated haggis!

      1. Chloe Cresswell

        Re: Irradiated Haggis

        Any homoganised pudding?

        1. KittenHuffer Silver badge

          Re: Irradiated Haggis

          4691 irradiated haggis!

      2. Neal L

        Re: Irradiated Haggis

        Would you stop saying 4691 irradiated haggis? It's Saturday night I want to boogey on down.

        1. A.P. Veening Silver badge

          Re: Irradiated Haggis

          I don't know where you are located, but looking at the time zones, the latest it can be is pretty early in the morning on Saturday. And for me it is Friday afternoon.

          1. Gerhard den Hollander

            Re: Irradiated Haggis

            I'd hate to spoil it ...

            https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0684145/characters/nm0057368

      3. TomPhan

        Re: Irradiated Haggis

        standing on a wall

        4691 irradiated haggis standing on a wall

        and if one irradiated haggis should accidentally mutate into something which could walk away

        there'd be

        4690 irradiated haggis standing on a wall

  13. Chris G Silver badge

    EM gives me headaches

    I have found that combining several hours of EM exposure with alcohol cause extreme headaches and sometimes nausea.

    So I don't drink beer on the the beach anymore.

    1. Mark 110

      Re: EM gives me headaches

      That is fucking genius. If anyone ever complains to me about the EM from machines I will rightly point out the sun!!

      (why didn't I think of this . . . getting old)

    2. theDeathOfRats
      Pint

      Re: EM gives me headaches

      And that's why I don't go to the beach when the dayStar is switched ON.

  14. Admiral Grace Hopper

    Were you bugging the office I worked in 20 years ago?

    I haven't laughed out loud at BOFH for a while, but I just lost it comprehensively at the accurate categorisation of the user base as "nutters". In a similar situation I was given similar advice about my communication style when engaging with users.

    I tried to explain the inverse square law, but they just didn't get it.

    1. Benson's Cycle

      Re: Were you bugging the office I worked in 20 years ago?

      Of course they didn't understand the inverse square law.

      To paraphrase the organiser of a course I once went on,

      Mathematicians can do what the hell they like.

      Scientists and engineers are allowed to use calculus

      Technicians are allowed to use powers and reciprocals

      Accountants are allowed to add and subtract otherwise it's fraud.

      Everybody else is allowed to add single digits provided they don't do it too often and have a full set of fingers.

      1. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge
        Flame

        Re: Were you bugging the office I worked in 20 years ago?

        tru dat,

        so why do the accountants get paid the most?

        1. Benson's Cycle

          Re: Were you bugging the office I worked in 20 years ago?

          They don't.

          If you look at typical lifetime earnings for people who are members of professional bodies, I believe structural engineers get paid the most. People tend to look at the highest pay for professions and think lawyers, doctors and accountants do best, but it's the median that matters to most people. And the top engineers tend to have titles like "director" which makes them a bit invisible to the statistics.

          1. H in The Hague Silver badge

            Re: Were you bugging the office I worked in 20 years ago?

            "If you look at typical lifetime earnings for people who are members of professional bodies, I believe structural engineers get paid the most."

            Ermmm, according to the surveys I see about once a year it's chemical engineers. (Despite not being a chemical engineer I am an Affiliate of the IChemE as I used to do quite a lot of work in that field, and have served on a branch committee.)

            Chem eng, median: 54 k

            https://www.icheme.org/media/8667/lc-0151_18-salary-survey-poster-2018-v5-final.pdf

            Struct eng, average: 37.4 k

            https://www.indeed.co.uk/salaries/structural-engineer-Salaries

            Though those surveys are not fully comparable.

            1. Mark 110

              Re: Were you bugging the office I worked in 20 years ago?

              Those stats are weird as was highlighted on 'More or Less' thhe other day. The stats are based on permie salaries. But I doubt many good structural engineers work a permie salary. I imagine most big infra projects are hiring engineers on £500 - £2000k per day for the hard stuff.

              Bit of a guess. But if I am earning £450 a day to overseee IT Service Management of an outsourced managed service thingy project malarkey then a guy that can build a bridge over the Mersey must be earning twice . . . please they must. Surely.

      2. -tim
        Facepalm

        Re: Were you bugging the office I worked in 20 years ago?

        "Everybody else is allowed to add single digits provided they don't do it too often and have a full set of fingers."

        When I first saw Randall Munroe's "Million, Billion, Trillion" on xkcd it started me thinking about how true his hypothesis was so I've been running tests on the theory. I'm assuming the subjects are all consenting adults but I'm not going to ask them if I can play with their brains as it would bias the experiment. It turns out that most people don't understand large numbers at all and this is especially true if they happen to be a politician or board member and there seems to be an inverse relationship between understanding large numbers and how successful they are in their field of endeavor which doesn't do much to give me hope for humanity or reasonable future tax bills.

    2. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

      Re: Were you bugging the office I worked in 20 years ago?

      "I tried to explain the inverse square law, but they just didn't get it."

      You're doing it wrong... you should start with "You see it's all to do with pyramids, man..."

  15. baud Bronze badge
    Pint

    We must... have... beer! Only... cure... for... electromagnetic fields

    Have one on me!

  16. Boris the Cockroach Silver badge
    Coffee/keyboard

    Yay its friday...

    Yay its the BoFH

    Yay I need another keyboard

  17. juice Silver badge

    Friends, families and physics...

    I did once have a somewhat confusing conversation with an older relative once, around electric cars. They'd heard of regenerative braking, and were therefore convinced that an electric car should therefore be able to run forever on a single charge, as all the power would go back into the battery every time they braked.

    Empirical evidence aside - i.e. electric cars do NOT run forever on a single charge - I was completely unable to get them to understand that all energy conversions are lossy (usually as heat) and therefore even regenerative braking doesn't magically give you a perpetual motion machine...

    1. HamsterNet

      Re: Friends, families and physics...

      Should have used some basic physics. Its not heat its Air resistance thats the cause of most of the difference between input power and recover power on an electric drive chain. this is why any car will roll to a stop.

      1. Benson's Cycle

        Re: Friends, families and physics...

        Ah, no it isn't. Air resistance, in fact, is rather insignificant at ordinary speeds.

        The main losses in an electric drive chain are in the motors (not over 90% efficient) and in the motor drives (depending on conditions, perhaps 95% efficient.) Add to that the significant losses in pushing tyres around (why they get warm) and you're looking at a best case 80% of battery power reaching the road.

        The losses on regen are the motor-used-as-generator losses (again over 10%), the loss in the power conversion electronics, and again the losses due to the tyres and friction.

        Since 0.8 * 0.8 = 0.64, you will be lucky to regenerate 64% of the battery power.

        I believe that real world systems may reach around 50%. But that assumes that the braking is not heavy enough to exceed what the battery can absorb. That's why max regen on EVs is limited.

        1. juice Silver badge

          Re: Friends, families and physics...

          > I believe that real world systems may reach around 50%. But that assumes that the braking is not heavy enough to exceed what the battery can absorb. That's why max regen on EVs is limited.

          There's also the fact that a measurable amount of the car's power will be going to secondary systems - e.g. lightbulbs, aircon, the sound system and the various sensors and computers which tie everything together. It all adds up...

          Ain't no such thing as a free lunch, at least when it comes to physics...

    2. stiine Silver badge

      Re: Friends, families and physics...

      Only if the travel is limited and the vehicle is much heavier on the way downhill. Then it will be able to run forever or until the batteries won't hold a charge

      https://hackaday.com/2019/08/22/electric-dump-truck-produces-more-energy-than-it-uses/

    3. Stoneshop Silver badge
      Facepalm

      Re: Friends, families and physics...

      Empirical evidence aside - i.e. electric cars do NOT run forever on a single charge - I was completely unable to get them to understand that all energy conversions are lossy (usually as heat) and therefore even regenerative braking doesn't magically give you a perpetual motion machine...

      Somewhat recently I had to deal with a guy who firmly believed in that free energy stuff that those videos on Youtube irrefutably prove exists.

      "We should all put dynamos on the wheels of our cars, charging batteries while driving that we then could use to power our homes."

      Even trying to get the concept of conversion losses, never mind those laws on thermodynamics, energy and all that, into his skull[0] was a lost cause.

      [0] doubtful that there was an actual brain in there, except for some limbic control.

  18. Will Godfrey Silver badge
    Happy

    Fortunately I was prepared

    ... and finished my drink well before reading here.

    Memories of me and a pal scaring the living daylights out of the nutters when discussing unusually high levels of photon bombardment (a rare sunny day in England).

  19. Pascal Monett Silver badge

    EM sensitivity is like UFOs

    All the proof in the world will not change the minds of those who believe.

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: EM sensitivity is like UFOs

      That's right! All the sheeple keep on believing the government that there aren't any UFOs - while all the sensible people with tinfoil-lined tea cosies on our heads know that the UFOs are everywhere.

      I mean, how else do you explain cloud computing? As if we currently have the technology to get all those heavy data-centres to float in the clouds? Let alone avoid collisions with all the 747s zooming about. And it's the wireless comms to get all the data to them that cause all my headaches.

      Hence the tea cosy. Foil lined for EM protection. And with back-up uses of disguising myself as a bishop when the Inquisition come round to torture me (when they're least expected), and it also keeps my tea warm.

      1. David Robinson 1

        Re: EM sensitivity is like UFOs

        But which way does the shiny side face? Will supermarket own brand work as well as Bacofoil?

        1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

          Re: EM sensitivity is like UFOs

          You can use any brand of foil, but double layered - and therefore shiny-side outwards both ways.

          My tea cosy is a Sainsbury's own brand Homewares one. Very comfortable and stylish.

          1. A.P. Veening Silver badge

            Re: EM sensitivity is like UFOs

            Some more information about foil.

      2. Alistair Silver badge
        Windows

        Re: EM sensitivity is like UFOs

        You forgot the problem with the chemtrails in the datacentres in the atmosphere. Think of the poor AIs!

        1. TomPhan

          Re: EM sensitivity is like UFOs

          You've heard of "lines of code", that's what the chemtrails are, they're rewriting the cloud.

    2. DropBear Silver badge

      Re: EM sensitivity is like UFOs

      The minds of those who believe appear to be physically incapable of processing "reasoning". The only thing getting through is "gossip", sorry, "FACTS", presumably more often than not originating from Facebook posts of their equally reality-challenged peers (no, really, just walk away - they're beyond redemption).

    3. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      Re: EM sensitivity is like UFOs

      I have no problem believing in UFOs. If it's an object and it's flying and I can't identify it it's a UFO as fas as I'm concerned. Somebody else (ornithologist, entomologist, plane spotter or whoever) might well be able to identify it, of course. The only problem is with those who make identification by imagination rather than knowledge.

  20. chivo243 Silver badge
    Pint

    Users... never happy

    even when you hang them with a "New" Rope!

    I like the IT budget shell game... where it stops nobody knows!

    Nice one Simon!

  21. Alan W. Rateliff, II
    Thumb Up

    It's just business.

    Absolutely.

  22. steelpillow Silver badge
    Pint

    Keyboard record

    This episode seems to have been responsible for the deaths of more keyboards than any other I can recall.

    Icon for the Master.

  23. Maty

    Wi-fi also turns the milk sour

    A while back I had an online conversation with an individual who wanted to turn off the wi-fi for our entire little town because of the 'dangerous radiation'. After pointing out the abundant data to the contrary I concluded that wi-fi was safer than 'fresh milk or apple pie'. The discussion was concluded when our campaigner admitted that she never permitted her kids to touch milk or apples either ....

    1. Will Godfrey Silver badge
      Unhappy

      Re: Wi-fi also turns the milk sour

      Poor Kids

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Warning! 50,000 Ohms

    As a lad, before anyone except Grace Hopper knew anything about technology, my dad installed a chain-link fence around the back yard. The neighborhood kids were climbing on the side adjacent to the alley so he had some very professional signs made up at work that said:

    Danger!

    50,000 Ohms.

    And he knew because he'd gone out with the multi-meter and checked.

    He mounted three of those on the fence and the neighborhood kids stopped climbing all over it. Partial success.

    The next week a committee of angry parents came to demand that he remove the dangerous electricity from his fence. He took the signs off, but the neighborhood kids never climbed on it again. Seems the kids were already smarter than their parents.

    1. dfsmith

      Re: Warning! 50,000 Ohms

      Those parents were smart! Didn't your dad realize that you could get a whopping 3mV of voltage across those resistors, on a hot day, assuming the parents were sensitive to 10GHz! Pfft, what's the world coming to when anybody can leave voltages around where kids can touch them.

      1. J. Cook Silver badge
        Joke

        Re: Warning! 50,000 Ohms

        In my day, we used to have apprentices for testing voltages. When they caught on fire, you knew the voltage was too high.

  25. Dave Ross

    I met one of these random nutters years ago while visiting a local museum.

    He was absolutely certain that the CRTs the museum was using to display information had a very powerful field and he could feel it!

    I must have wasted 20 minutes of my life trying to explain how little they output to him and in the end gave up.

    Just before I walked away, shaking my head, I suggested he never go outside again due to the colossal amounts of radiation beaming down from the orange light in the sky...

  26. Skeptic Chicken

    Feeling like Schrodinger's Cat

    Was reminded recently of something I said years ago, was sitting in the back of a work van (no seats or windows H&S folks dont start, the shipment was late) on the way to site configuring a bunch of 5GHz Proxim 5054's.

    "There's nothing I love more than taking a bunch of equipment producing electro magnetic radiation, placing it into a metal box...., then sitting in it."

    The guys sitting in the front still laugh about it.

  27. Kiwi Silver badge
    Pint

    Thankyouverymuch!!

    One of the best I've read in a long time, and not just BOFH!

    And if you think the paranoia's bad now, imagine what it'll be like next week after the PFY and I pop up to the users' office later this evening with a couple of heat guns and melt everything plastic within 1 metre radius of the domestic units...

    Bloody hell.. Why didn't I think of that earlier! I've been in a couple of places where that would've been, well.... <sly wink>

  28. Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

    Excellent apisode, another classic in the making.

    Forwarded this to our networking guy, and he had a good laugh about this.

    Now... vere isst mein heatgun?

  29. Aussie Doc
    Mushroom

    "...in the coloured pencil office..."

    You've seen where I used to work, then?

    To a T.

  30. Raphael

    Methinks Simon has been having to listen to the numpties who live up the Coromandel who recently, successfully, protested against the construction of a new cell phone tower (regular 4G, not even 5G).

  31. Giraffe67

    HAHA, I know something was afoot when I read "Okay," I say. "We're all friends here, what's the real issue?".

    Ha, FRIENDS? I don't think so!

    Well done Simon, brilliant.

  32. Roxor

    This one had me giving a laugh fitting for a super villain. Well done, Simon!

  33. Joe W Silver badge

    Quite... observant!

    "They're nutters," the PFY finishes.

    "Yes, but I still don't think you should have said that to their faces," the Boss says

    Had a boss like that once at university. He would have agreed with such a statement - while a genuinely nice guy, he was not afraid to call people nutters when they deserved it. Not very modern (i.e. later than '90s - ok, actually 80s) computing literate (to be fair: he was mostly set in his ways which made software requirements and system updates a bit of a hassle). He had very strong physics background, so don't give him any of that EM scare shit; he'd take you to the cleaners, pointing out you were stupid and a nutter (but in a nice way). How he ended up with two guys like us (BOFH + PFY) I'll never understand, but he could handle us really well....

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