back to article In Hemel Hempstead, cycling is as bad as taking a leak in the middle of the street

A newly introduced Public Spaces Protection Order (PSPO) in the Hertfordshire town of Hemel Hempstead has managed to lump the relatively harmless pastime of cycling in with publicly relieving oneself. Dacorum Borough Council's move, which came into effect on 29 July, aims "to control anti-social behaviour and dog activity in …

  1. werdsmith Silver badge

    We have a pedestrian main shopping street and it is blighted by self centred twats on bikes who weave amongst old folk and small kids at a fair lick. With several incidents of injuries - including facial injuries to the cyclists who I’ve seen getting a fully justified fist in the face for their lack of consideration. Despite being being prohibited from riding in the pedestrian area and being given ample secure lockup facilities at its boundary they still tear through at high speed shouting abuse at anyone who they think is getting in their way.

    1. Shadow Systems Silver badge

      At werdsmith.

      Just jamb a stout stick in their spokes & enjoy watching them take a flailing, flying, screaming faceplant into the dirt. I spent my youth on a cycle & still had no sympathy for the bozos that gave us all a bad name.

      Oh, and anyone wearing lycra cycling shorts needs to be set on fire. I don't care how nice you think your ass looks, and there are some girls that look quite nice, nobody wants to be able to count the zits on your ass. Put on proper clothes, slow down, & be a respectable rider.

      1. Tom 7 Silver badge

        Re: At werdsmith.

        Alas the flying and screaming in the dirt normally takes down a couple of frail grannies and small kids.

        Slow down and get off your fucking bike in pedestrian areas - its the only safe thing to do. Lycra is not a problem - fashion is for people who cant afford personalities but lycra is for people who dont want massive sores on their arse and thighs. The real problem with people who cycle in crowds is the utter stupidity of them. They may think they are good cyclists but they are not - you are not considering your environment. People are not expecting you, many can not see you coming, you are being an utter selfish wanker.

        I cycle, I'm also 6'5 and over 20 stone and I've knocked a couple of cyclists off their bikes in crowds where I've moved to avoid another pedestrian and I'm guessing if it wasnt for my size these twats would have had a go at me for their own bad cycling.

        And use your fucking bell when cycling down country lanes to warn pedestrians so my dog doesnt think you are going to attack me.

        Be the best cyclist - walk some of the time.

        1. Kane Silver badge
          Joke

          Re: At werdsmith.

          "Alas the flying and screaming in the dirt normally takes down a couple of frail grannies and small kids."

          10 points and 15 points.

          1. Jimmy2Cows Silver badge
            Joke

            Re: At werdsmith.

            Bonus 50 if you leave their walking stick / Zimmer frame standing.

            1. Chris G Silver badge

              Re: At werdsmith.

              What's the score for a frail granny carrying a small kid on her zimmer frame with a puppy in the kid's arms?

              1. hittitezombie

                Re: At werdsmith.

                Only 25, they don't move that quickly.

        2. paulf Silver badge
          Meh

          Re: At werdsmith.

          @Tom 7 "And use your fucking bell when cycling down country lanes to warn pedestrians so my dog doesnt think you are going to attack me."

          One hundred times this. Cyclists buzzing up behind me out of nowhere are a real menace. Normally my dogs are on leads all the time but I still pull them to the side when someone going quicker wants to pass in either direction (running or cycling). Ring your bell so I know you're coming (especially if you're being a twat and cycling on a footpath*) and SLOW THE FUCK DOWN so I have time to get me and my dogs out of your way (plus kids for those who have them). Putting a bell on your handlebars doesn't make you look like a dork, it makes you a courteous and responsible cyclist.

          I'd add to this the common complaint about not stopping for red lights. Near here is a railway bridge with a road underneath: local road with two lanes on both approaches, but single lane + pavement under the bridge, with traffic lights controlling access to the single track section. Most cyclists I see are good road users and wait in the traffic for a green light, but there seems to be an increasing supply of morons who think the rules don't apply to them. They just up onto the pavement so they can ignore the red lights. The pavement is barely wide enough for one person never mind two trying to pass; a cyclist easily blocks the whole pavement and they don't tend to give way to pedestrians, even though they shouldn't be on the pavement in the first place*.

          * Cyclists are not allowed on countryside Footpaths, only Bridleways and roads. Also cyclists aren't allowed on the pavement (unless they are under 14 or it's a recognised cycle lane).

          1. NightFox

            Re: At werdsmith.

            A couple of year back I was cycling down a quiet country road when in front of me I saw two men standing chatting in the middle of the road with a dog sniffing around on the left verge. I slowed down appropriately and the men saw me and nonchalantly went to stand on the right verge, leaving the dog on the left which I thought a little odd. I proceeded to pass with caution, in case the dog suddenly decided it wanted to be with its owner and ran across in front of me. Good job I did when I noticed that the dog was on one of those long retractable leads held by one of the men and extended right across the road.

          2. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: At werdsmith.

            Please cite the under 14 law. You are talking crap.

          3. Roland6 Silver badge

            Re: At werdsmith.

            Cyclists are not allowed on countryside Footpaths, only Bridleways and roads.

            Not strictly correct: As matters differ in England and Scotland (don't know about Wales).

            However, Cyclists do not have a right of way on public footpaths, but are not committing a crime. They are committing the tort of trespass against the landowner, who is the only person who can seek a judicial remedy.

            Also cyclists aren't allowed on the pavement (unless they are under 14 or it's a recognised cycle lane).

            It is a criminal offence to ride on a pavement beside a carriageway and also where a traffic regulation order or a bylaw is in place to prohibit cycling.

            The age is actually 10, as the U10's are considered too young to have criminal responsibility and thus the police have no powers to arrest, fine or even caution them. However, they may have words with any accompanying adult to better supervise their charges.

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: At werdsmith.

              As with the claim of 14, you are talking crap by saying 10. Just because a child is not deemed criminally responsible does not mean their actions are legal. It is illegal to ride a bike on a footway unless it has been declared shared use/a cycle path no matter what age an individual is.

              1. Roland6 Silver badge

                Re: At werdsmith.

                @AC As with the claim of 14, you are talking crap by saying 10. Just because a child is not deemed criminally responsible does not mean their actions are legal.

                I didn't say it was legal, just that the law turns a blind eye...

                1. Anonymous Coward
                  Anonymous Coward

                  Re: At werdsmith.

                  Again, you are wrong. The law does not turn a blind eye. The age of responsibility limits the action. The blind eye turned is more towards the safety of the individual. It is this reason adults get away with cycling on footways most of the time as well. Nice to see all the downvoters showing why Brexit happened, the country is full of fucking morons.

                  1. Anonymous Coward
                    Anonymous Coward

                    Re: At werdsmith.

                    Calm down 'luv, it's only a commercial.

            2. hittitezombie

              Re: At werdsmith.

              Govenment advice on this makes it legal to drive unless being an asshat. Leaves the discretion to the Plod.

              https://lcc.org.uk/articles/minister-for-cycling-clarifies-pavement-cycling-advice-after-1057-fines-for-pavement-cycling-in-london

          4. Muscleguy Silver badge

            Re: At werdsmith.

            Here in Dundee and elsewhere in Scotland the Polis have let it be known that safe and considerate riding on the footpath, especially by the young, will not be prosecuted. Where no cycle path exists they would rather you use the footpath that dice with the cars.

            A lot of the aspects of the Highway rules are not devolved but we can do things about what we do and do not prosecute in effect.

            But then we don’t have ASBO’s either. Other aspects of the law suffice. Wee neds get referred to the Children’s Panel which tries its hardest to keep them out of and steer them away from custodial options.

        3. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: At werdsmith.

          @Tom 7

          Keep your fucking dogs under a short lead and out of everyone else’s way. Fucking entitled dog owners are the scourge of everyone who isn’t a dog owner. “He only wants to play”. Well I don’t. Fuck off and play with your own dog and LEAVE ME ALONE. Shall I sound my horn as I approach you from behind in my near silent Tesla? Take responsibility for your shit lifestyle choice to keep a dog.

          1. Kane Silver badge
            Trollface

            Re: At werdsmith.

            So...you're a cat person, then?

            1. Ken Shabby Bronze badge

              Re: At werdsmith.

              Meow

              1. Anonymous Coward
                Anonymous Coward

                Re: At werdsmith.

                I prefer dogs. They say there's only 1 way to skin a cat but there's at least 101 ways to wok your dog...

            2. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

              Re: At werdsmith.

              So...you're a cat person, then?

              You can be both y'know..

              (7 cats and two dogs. Plus a tank of tropical fish and a large garden pond with goldfish..)

          2. Jemma Silver badge

            Re: At werdsmith.

            You drive a Muskretinwagen - you are a retard by general consent. I don't think you want to advertise this fact.

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: At werdsmith.

              No, silly!

              The closest he comes to owning an electric car is the remote controlled one he got one christmas.

        4. MyffyW Silver badge

          Re: At werdsmith.

          Stetchy skinny jeans beat cycling shorts whilst keeping all those organic-lycra-farmers in business

        5. MrBanana

          Re: At werdsmith.

          "Lycra is not a problem - fashion is for people who cant afford personalities but lycra is for people who dont want massive sores on their arse and thighs."

          I have a pair of cycling shorts that have a lycra inner for comfort, and a cotton outer, similar to a regular pair of shorts, so I don't look like a twat.

          1. Just Another SteveO

            Re: At werdsmith.

            Doesn’t stop you sounding like a twat though...

            1. Sam Liddicott

              Re: At werdsmith.

              I see what you did there.

              Nice demonstration!

        6. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: At werdsmith.

          Those who don't use a bell in congested areas should be condemned to install a cartoony-sounding horn that goes off every time their pedals go round.

        7. Muscleguy Silver badge

          Re: At werdsmith.

          I’m a distance runner who avails himself of the shared cycle paths hereabouts to run without breathing vehicle exhausts etc. I make a point of always thanking cyclists coming from behind, or ahead*, who utilise their bells to warn of the need to make space. And believe me finding the breath to say ‘thanks for the warning’ while running takes effort.

          *That time I was deep ‘in the zone’ and a guy on a bike was bearing down the hill at me, running in the middle of the path.

        8. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

          Re: At werdsmith.

          would have had a go at me for their own bad cycling

          Like the 30-something idiot that screamed abuse at me for daring to suggest that him riding on the pavement when there's a perfectly good (and empty) road next to the pavement wasn't a clever idea. Why adults think that cycling along the pavement (and where I live the roads are rarely busy except at the height of rush hour) is a good thing I'll never understand. Kids - yes. I can understand that since they won't have developed any roadcraft and won't necessarily have the skills or experience to handle traffic. But functional adults don't have any excuse.

          Since I had two dogs on leads with me at the time (one pretty elderly with not much vision left) I was more concerned that he would run one of them over and hurt them. I'm pretty much a pacifist but one of the things that might breach that is people deliberately (or ignorantly) hurting an animal or child that trusts us to protect them.

          1. Roland6 Silver badge

            Re: At werdsmith.

            Since I had two dogs on leads with me at the time (one pretty elderly with not much vision left) I was more concerned that he would run one of them over and hurt them.

            Good to see you care about your dogs.

            This weekend we held a set of races in a local park, despite the red tape, warning signs, marshals, people milling around on bikes and a hundred racers with head's down going for it, we still had a number of idiot dog owners walking their dogs off the lead (park reg's dogs on lead at all times) and letting them run across the course - "I always walk my dog here...". It is fortunate that we didn't have an accident, so the owners - too thick to appreciate it - will get to walk their dogs in the park next weekend.

            However, I do agree, there is no excuse for adults riding on the pavement not being considerate of others.

      2. Joe W Silver badge

        Re: At werdsmith.

        I actually went over the handlebars in a crash. I ended up looking like the Phantom of the Opera for a month or so - good thing nothing happened to my teeth, but I left a lot of skin on the tarmac (face, knuckles, knee, shoulder, arm). So nice of you to encourage violence against cyclists.

        And yes, as a cyclist I am really pissed off by the idiots who run red lights, speed along the sidewalk or through pedestrian areas, are completely self-absobed and listening to music with their b-branded headphones on (though that is mostly inline scaters here, who then use the full width of the multi-pupose path) so that they cannot hear the traffic around them. And don't get me started on the twats on electric bikes (all of the above plus stopping completely at random like a 4 year old kid being distracted and having no bike handling skills, and of course no helmet, and then those motorcyclists wear bike race outfit, which is absolutely idiotic).

        I don't care how I look in lycra. I wear it because it is much more practical on any ride more than 2-3 km and dries fast after I get rained on. Important when commuting by bike, innit? No, rain pants just cause me to get wet from the inside, take an age to dry and are really not comfortable to wear. On the other hand: I also do not cycle in pedestrain areas because I want to actually get somewhere, like to and from work, and I do not wear lycra shorts when off the bike. When I'm biking someplace I will walk around at I usually bring some baggy shorts or so.

        1. not.known@this.address Bronze badge

          Re: At werdsmith.

          Joe W, you *sound* like a responsible cyclist - in which case the things about pushing you off, jamming sticks in your wheels etc won't be an issue.

          If, on the other hand, you are one of those morons who thinks they own everything and can cycle where and how they like, then it would be totally justified.

          If you're not riding too close to people, they can't hit you can they??

          1. BebopWeBop Silver badge

            Re: At werdsmith.

            Assaulting people is not the answer.

            1. Alumoi

              Re: At werdsmith.

              Violence, naked force, has settled more issues in history than has any other factor, and the contrary opinion is wishful thinking at its worst.

              1. hammarbtyp Silver badge

                Re: At werdsmith.

                "Violence, naked force, has settled more issues in history than has any other factor, and the contrary opinion is wishful thinking at its worst."

                The threat of violence maybe, but violence itself rarely settles anything, and more often perpetuates more viloence

                You will find it is those who stop the violence who usually settle things, not those who perpetuate it.

                Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent. - Isaac Asimov

                1. Alumoi

                  Re: At werdsmith.

                  Don't tell me violence doesn't solve anything. Look at Carthage

                  and

                  Violence never settles anything should be debated by the ghosts of Hitler and Stalin, with the city fathers of Carthage as referees.

                  Robert A. Heinlein.

          2. Chris Parsons

            Re: At werdsmith.

            Own everything? What, like a motorist, you mean?

        2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

          Re: At werdsmith.

          "So nice of you to encourage violence against cyclists."

          He was encouraging violence against twats cycling dangerously in places they are specifically prohibited from cycling at all, not cyclists in general.

          Encouraging violence of any kind, for any reason probably isn't a good idea, but assuming that because you once had a cycling accident that had similar results to what he was advocating does not mean he meant you specifically or, for that matter, any normal, sensible, law-abiding cyclist.

          1. Shadow Systems Silver badge
            Pint

            At John Brown (no body)...

            Thank you for saying what should have been obvious to anyone with adequate reading comprehension skills. Enjoy a pint & enjoy a safe ride!

        3. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

          Re: At werdsmith.

          those motorcyclists wear bike race outfit, which is absolutely idiotic

          Ah yes - the weekend 'racers' wobbling round corners on their carefully-polished racing style bikes with their immaculate 'racing' leather knockoffs complete with the hump between the shoulders.

          We used to point at them and laugh. And then show them how to ride properly.

      3. Andrew Moore

        Re: At werdsmith.

        This. Also, point the stick at their heads as they cycle towards you, the inference being that they're perfectly entitle to impale themselves if they wish.

        [I'm a cyclist but I'm fed up with the bad name that all cyclists get because of this small minority of cretins]

        1. Kubla Cant Silver badge

          Re: At werdsmith.

          Despite all the invective directed at hooligans in Lycra, the menace on the pavement is usually clad in everyday clothes and riding a cheap bike with soft tyres and a low saddle.

          By way of contrast, on my walk from station to office I regularly have to dodge a dickhead on a scooter who's wearing knee-pads, protective gloves and a crash helmet. If he thinks his mode of transport is that dangerous, perhaps he should get off the pavement.

        2. Fred Dibnah Silver badge
          Facepalm

          Re: At werdsmith.

          A bad cyclist doesn’t give all cyclists a bad name, any more than one stupid driver gives all drivers a bad name. There’s no collective guilt, just individual fuckwittery.

          I think something is wrong with my DNS this morning. When I type register.co.uk I keep getting the Daily Mail website.

      4. BebopWeBop Silver badge

        Re: At werdsmith.

        That will get you at least a suspended sentence and a criminal record, possibly more for assault amingst other things.

        As a keen cyclist (my daily transport) I deplore people who ride in areas reserved for pedestrians or who ride recklessly but assaulting them is stupid.

      5. Tom 35 Silver badge

        Re: At werdsmith.

        If you don't like lycra cycling shorts, stop looking at peoples asses. They are not wearing them to impress you and don't give a shit if they offend you.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Suspect much of the problem would be solved by having a BMX/skatepark in Marlows - it's not as if the road isn't wide and there isn't any space for one, and that last time I was there, there was a large amount of unused land due to circa 1950~60's concrete office blocks having been demolished (subsidence).

      Also better planning for cycle provision: try cycling from Marlows to XC with kids...

      Currently, engaged with planners were I now live, getting them to understand that a wide gutter cycle lane on the ring road isn't a suitable provision to enable U16's (and especially U12's) to ride between two new cycle facilities currently in planning...

      1. paulf Silver badge

        Decent cycle provision is just one, albeit very important, aspect of it. Getting cyclists to use it is quite another!

        Near paulf towers is a local through road between two towns. Through a long urban section it has a mixed use pavement*, segregated between pedestrians and cyclists, and running for a distance that makes it worthwhile to use; yet the cyclists insist on using the road itself. Yes, they are entitled to do so legally, but the segregated cycle lane has been provided at great expense for their benefit. Only last weekend I saw a cyclist on the road, despite the completely empty cycle route. I was driving so carefully went around, leaving plenty of space and ensuring I wasn't going too quickly. At the next set of lights he shuffled right up the inside which meant the full line of cars had to carefully pass him again (there was no reason to shuffle up the inside as there is no advance cycle stop line due to the adjacent segregated cycle route!).

        *for left pondians, in the UK pavement=sidewalk.

        1. Warm Braw Silver badge

          Despite the completely empty cycle route

          The segregated cycle lane has been provided at great expense for their benefit.

          I'm not a dedicated cyclist, but I prefer to cycle over relatively short distances than use the car when it's practical. Even I find the roadside cycle paths largely unusable. Pedestrians pay no attention to "mixed use" paths and wander aimlessly across your path - or, sometimes, block it deliberately. Those with prams and buggies seem to feel that because they have wheeled vehicles they should use the cycle lane in any case. Bus stops, road signs and street lighting are planted randomly in the middle of both the pedestrian and cycle lanes. And cycle paths are usually installed with specific funding and no budget for ongoing maintenance so they rapidly deteriorate. It's barely possible to use most cycle paths safely at much more than walking pace.

          This isn't inevitable, but cycle paths need to be better designed and there need to be sufficient of them for people to know how to treat them. Pedestrians know better than to stray into cycle lanes in the Netherlands just as they know not to walk in front of an oncoming tram and cyclists stick to their lanes. Or they did until a variety of motorised scooters and skateboards started appearing and being, literally, disruptive.

          1. Roland6 Silver badge

            Re: Despite the completely empty cycle route

            Bus stops, road signs and street lighting are planted randomly in the middle of both the pedestrian and cycle lanes.

            For these and other problems like vegetation overgrowing the path, I recommend websites such as fixmystreet.

            I recommend reading the Sustains handbook on cycle paths, as you can then often refer to the relevant good practice guidance...

            I've also made a habit of sending a thankyou when the work has been done, although it is irritating that some busy body tends to filter these out and so the relevant department don't get the pat on the back...

          2. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Despite the completely empty cycle route

            Warm Braw, come to East Sussex - there are some lovely cycle paths, well maintained, clearly marked, respected by nearly all the pedestrians - and many of them have pleasant views of the sea.

            But most cyclists still think it a good idea to cycle on the less well maintained roads, dodging in and out of potholes, sunken drains, parked cars, buses, idiot pedestrians stepping out without looking, etc. The worst ones, though, are the ignorant sh*ts who cycle three or four abreast along the narrow parts where there's only room for a couple of pedestrians because the cycle path is wide enough to accommodate cyclists going both directions and takes about 3/4s of the available pavement...

          3. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Despite the completely empty cycle route

            Camden has Royal College St, a one-way street, that had 2-way cycle paths installed... but it's an illogical layout with cycle path, parked cars, single lane for traffic, parked cars and the other cycle lane... it's also on a bus route, so anyone trying to board a bus has to run the gamut of a cycle lane. Why they couldn't have put both cycle lanes on the right-hand side, away from the bus stops, is beyond me

            1. IHateWearingATie

              Re: Despite the completely empty cycle route

              Bunhill Row at the edge of the City of London is a one way street with two way cycle route on it. Unfortunately the signage and road painting was sporadic and awful (it could be they have improved it) so a pedestrian would just assume its a one way street and possibly not look both ways before crossing (its a cut through down from silicon roundabout with not a lot of traffic. I would call it quiet but a ruddy great tower is being built there so its anything by quiet!

        2. Andrew Moore

          I don't know about this particular stretch, but usually, if I'm not using a cycle lane it's because the lane is too dangerous to use. This could be due to motorists using it for parking; pedestrians wandering onto it due to insufficient/obvious segregation; or the surface is in bad condition; or a combination of all three. Although the one that most motorists can't get their head around is when I'm maneuvering to turn right (and signaling).

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            These cycle routes are one of the few instances where market forces are actually instructive. If cyclists prefer to use the road to the council's cycle path, it's usually because the cycle path is shit.

            I work for a traffic engineering firm (hence anon, although I'm not an engineer myself) and regularly overhear road engineers moaning about having to implement councils' shitty cycle path design requirements.

            1. ICPurvis47 Bronze badge
              WTF?

              Shitty cycle paths

              Rugby Borough Council spent a fortune adding a cycle path to the Ashlawn Road, which runs across the south side of the town from Hillmorton to Dunchurch, a distance of a couple of miles. It was impossible to use as every house along there has a driveway, and the cycleway had stop signs at every driveway, so a cycle trip consisted of a series of short bursts. The stop signs were later replaced with give way signs, but the driveways still had right of way.

        3. skeptical i

          bikeways

          Perhaps the mixed-use pavement is not the most direct route between Point A and Point B? There is a main road in our burg that is not particularly bicycle-friendly, but is one of the most direct routes between midtown and the east side and is what cyclists use for commuting and time-sensitive journeys.

    3. NightFox

      A growing menace over the last couple of years on any pedestrian precinct that has food takeaways is the Deliveroo/Uber Eats etc cyclist who (rather than just adopt the "f*** you" attitude of the traditional pedestrian area cyclist on his probably stolen, far too-small bike with oversized handlebars) seems to think treating pedestrians as slalom flags on the fastest possible route to Nando's is in fact a legitimate job skill, as is demonstrating a total lack of spatial awareness when dismounting with a 50cm^3 cube strapped to their backs.

      1. FrogsAndChips Silver badge

        a 50cm^3 cube

        I think you meant a 50x50x50cm cube.

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Everyone knows that "cyclist" implies "self-centred twat"

      1. BebopWeBop Silver badge

        A bit like many, not all 'anonymous posters'?

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Nah, that's car drivers.

    5. John Robson Silver badge

      So what you are saying is that the ban doesn't actually affect the people who are causing issues, just the people who are considerate.

      Well - that's hardly a good reason for implementing a ban elsewhere is it.

      If I was local enough I'd be organising a nice cycle ride - all around the busiest streets, in rush hour, with small children in the group - cycling them safely to school would require quite a few adults to ride in a protective formation, but our speed might be a little lower than some would like.

      Still, at least we'd not be breaking the law by cycling along the nice safe areas.

  2. Chris G Silver badge

    Species of cyclists

    I live in an area that sees probably a couple of hundred cyclists go past my house at weekends and a fair number in the week, to a fault they are aware of traffic and considerate.

    However, in the towns in pedestrianised areas, the cyclists are a pain in the arse, sometimes literally because they have fifden into you.

    My house is on a route that climbs several hundred metres and is a challenge for sports riders, many of the riders in town are saving time and money but (according to a couple of friends who ride) feel entitled because they are 'green'.

    The article said I can be fined for not carrying a dog poo bag, that's a bit much, I haven't got a dog.

    1. OssianScotland Silver badge

      Re: Species of cyclists

      Make sure you don't go on many escalators then

    2. Shadow Systems Silver badge

      Re: Species of cyclists

      I save time by carrying a dog in a bag. I just have to remember to leave it some air holes. Is the dog dead or just sleeping? It's Schroedenger's dog!

      1. Ken Shabby Bronze badge
        Headmaster

        Re: Species of cyclists

        Schrödinger's dog

    3. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      Re: Species of cyclists

      "My house is on a route that climbs several hundred metres and is a challenge for sports riders"

      I live in a similar area but my experience is different. Too many of them are self-entitled twats. There also seems to be a cycle club that annually feels entitled to simply take over the lanes to hold some sort of event, even setting themselves up to act as policemen on point duty whilst singularly lacking the skills to do that.

    4. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

      Re: Species of cyclists

      fined for not carrying a dog poo bag

      We use ASDA nappy bags (35p for 300 bags) - each of my jeans appears to have a handful of them in the back left-hand side pocket..

      And there's a pile of them by the washing machine where they get put if I forget to remove them before putting the jeans in the bin for washing..

  3. Evil Harry
    Coat

    The magic roundabout in Hemel causes untold fun for drivers new to the area. Installing a mini version for cyclists on the high street could be more amusing than watching an amorous armadillo in a bowling alley ;-)

    1. tuppence

      used to get a nice view of that from the top of the old Kodak building

    2. TheFurryCircle

      That demonic construction is what Crowley moved on to after his initial success with the M25.

  4. revenant Silver badge

    Banning Cyclists

    Once upon a time it was the done thing to dismount when passing through a group of people, but no more. Now the tendency is for cyclists to expect people to move out of their way. Adults can do that usually, but small children can't see the danger.

    Having seen one of my grandchildren coming close to being mangled by an adult cyclist in a hurry, I recognise the worth of banning them in pedestrianised areas. It isn't so hard to step down and wheel the thing through the crowd.

    1. SloppyJesse

      Re: Banning Cyclists

      Dismounting is sensible on a busy pedestrian zone, but this ruling makes it illegal at all times. There's unlikely to be a safety issue in an average town center at 7am.

      Seems to me these kinds of blanket ban are brought in because councils have no confidence staff on the ground can exercise good judgement between a sensible cyclist pootling along a half empty street and an a#$*h@le pulling wheelies on a Saturday afternoon.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Banning Cyclists

        "Certainly sir, we'll train some staff and have them patrol at busy periods so that we can enforce this for you. By the way, here's your increased council tax bill to pay for it."

        1. Gaius

          Re: Banning Cyclists

          There is zero enforcement on cyclists as it is - when did you ever hear of the police arresting one for failing to stop at a red light, or riding on the pavement? Cyclists act as if the law doesn't apply to them, because it doesn't in practice!

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Banning Cyclists

            I take it the law doesn’t apply to the 13% of drivers without insurance. About the same percentage for driving without VED or an MOT.

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: Banning Cyclists

              I'm surprised that the number of police cars with APNR and other fixed APNR cameras hasn't totally eliminated the whole insurance/VED/MOT problem...

              1. David Hicklin

                Re: Banning Cyclists

                "insurance/VED/MOT problem..."

                probably because most of the time they are using cloned number plates as well...

      2. Ochib

        Re: Banning Cyclists

        Pushing a bike has been ruled by a Court of Law to be the same as walking, it is also legal to push a motorcyle in a pedestrian zone

        Crank v Brooks [1980] RTR 441 states "In my judgment a person who is walking across a pedestrian crossing pushing a bicycle, having started on the pavement on one side on her feet and not on the bicycle, and going across pushing the bicycle with both feet on the ground so to speak is clearly a 'foot passenger'. If for example she had been using it as a scooter by having one foot on the pedal and pushing herself along, she would not have been a 'foot passenger'. But the fact that she had the bicycle in her hand and was walking does not create any difference from a case where she is walking without a bicycle in her hand. I regard it as unarguable the finding that she was not a foot passenger "

        1. GruntyMcPugh Silver badge

          Re: Banning Cyclists

          @Ochib

          Conversely, there are three pedestrian (Zebra) crossings on my commute to work, and far too many cyclists cycle on the pavement, then swerve across the pedestrian crossing expecting me to stop for them. They are often surprised.

          1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

            Re: Banning Cyclists

            IME the zebra crossing is optional.

        2. Robert Carnegie Silver badge

          Re: Banning Cyclists

          Hmm. My understanding and recollection, based on the Highway Code later than 1980, is that pushing a bicycle across a traffic-light junction when it's the pedestrians' turn implies that you've gone through a red light for road traffic. Which is forbidden even for wheeling a bicycle.

          I will do it anyway but on a point of principle I don't operate the pedestrian crossing signal myself, I wait for someone else to do it so that I'm not responsible for stealing time from other road users for it.

          In a marked pedestrian zone I will carry the bicycle, not just push it. Then it's just luggage.

          As for smuggling a folding bike onto a bus that isn't supposed to carry them, I have camouflage. Well, a bin bag.

      3. Tom 7 Silver badge

        Re: Banning Cyclists

        No, its 7am and some selfish tosser is doing 25mph two foot from the door you are just walking out of with the sandwich board. Its wet and the tiles are not designed for bikes. You are fucked or fucking someone,

        It seems some people get into a me me me zone when cycling and are a fucking menace at any time of the day. Quite what we do about them I dont know but the rest of us should not fall into the trap of thinking 'its OK there aren't many people about so the law doesnt need to apply to me right now'.

        Its always worth imagining "I wonder if there is a twat like me coming the other way or out of an alleyway right now". Modifies your behaviour no end.

        1. Roland6 Silver badge

          Re: Banning Cyclists

          It seems some people get into a me me me zone when cycling and are a fucking menace at any time of the day.

          I think you will find with all forms of transport, there are people who inhabit the me me zone, just that as a pedestrian you aren't expecting a cyclist/skateboard/etc. on the pavement, but you do expect cars on the road.

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Banning Cyclists

          25mph? Really??

          1. Juillen 1

            Re: Banning Cyclists

            Given that the roads around me are all 20 limits, and I'm constantly being overtaken by cyclists (especially on downward hills), then sure. 25mph isn't out of the ordinary.

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: Banning Cyclists

              But 25mph within the context of the comment?

              1. drawoC esuomynonA

                Re: Banning Cyclists

                I don't see why not, 25mph isn't that difficult on the flat on a half decent bike.

                1. Anonymous Coward
                  Anonymous Coward

                  Re: Banning Cyclists

                  But we’re talking about cyclists on cheap crap bikes on the pavement. 25mph? Really??

                  1. skeptical i

                    Re: Banning Cyclists

                    Tweakers.

          2. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Banning Cyclists

            The speed limits are not applicable to cycles.

            The only offence is endangerment of others, not speeding (if it ever got enforced)

            Like that twat who killed a pedestrian in Old Street and claimed he had right of way

        3. Ben Tasker Silver badge

          Re: Banning Cyclists

          > Quite what we do about them I dont know but the rest of us should not fall into the trap of thinking 'its OK there aren't many people about so the law doesnt need to apply to me right now'.

          Quite often, in fact, it's exactly those times the laws and requirements are actually thinking about.

          It's like people who don't indicate before turning because "there's no-one about". It's precisely the person you may be unaware of that needs your signal.

          It's foolhardy to cycle through a busy pedestrianised section, but the busier it is the less likely you're going to be able to build up the inertia for a serious outcome. At 7am when it's "empty" though, you can easily pick up the speed to break that poor bastard with the sandwich board who you could swear wasn't there.

      4. phuzz Silver badge

        Re: Banning Cyclists

        Cycling on pavements has always been illegal, so is it even legal to cycle through a pedestrianised area at all?

      5. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Banning Cyclists

        Surely it was already illegal in a pedestrianised zone. Bikes are carriages in law, I.e. vehicles. Most pedestrian areas I have seen have no vehicle signs up (not just no motor vehicles). Therefore unless explicitly allowed there would not be a need to ban them, just enforce the existing law.

        1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

          Re: Banning Cyclists

          "Therefore unless explicitly allowed there would not be a need to ban them, just enforce the existing law."

          Sometimes, it's because enforcing the existing law, especially if it's being flouted on a regular basis, becomes very expensive and may require lots of concrete evidence. Eg the specific law banning the use of hand-held mobile phones while driving. The punishments is an on the spot fine and points on your driving licence unless you choose to try and defend it at court. Prior to that law, existing law already covered it but required a court case every time at much higher cost plus a police officer taking time off from front line duties to attend court as a witness for the prosecution.

          This pedestrian zone ban is probably a by-law that can be enforced by a police officer, a PCSO or Council Enforcement Officer by issuing a ticket on the spot.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Banning Cyclists

      As a cyclist, I get pretty irritated by so called cyclists who ride on pavements, go through red lights etc. Equally though, some of the cycle paths in my area were designed by a complete loony, so it's sometimes not clear whether you should be on the road or not...

    3. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: Banning Cyclists

      "It isn't so hard to step down and wheel the thing through the crowd."

      Some of the "lycra louts" are using those "racing pedals" or whatever they are called where you have to wear special shoes just to be able to ride the bike. The big cleat in the sole of the shoe engages the pedal but look like a bitch to walk in. I seems that once on the bike, getting off and walking is just too inconvenient for them.

      Luckily, most cyclists are not twats.

  5. Giovani Tapini Silver badge
    Trollface

    All I can think of is a statement about this

    starting with "Piss poor planning..."

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: All I can think of is a statement about this

      Definitely applies to Hemel Hempstead and many other "new towns" of that era...

      Anonymous because I grew up in the area.

      1. NightFox
        Black Helicopters

        Re: All I can think of is a statement about this

        "Definitely applies to Hemel Hempstead and many other "new towns" of that era...

        Anonymous because I grew up in the area."

        I'm intrigued, what kind of retaliation and from whom are you worried about?

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: All I can think of is a statement about this

          >I'm intrigued, what kind of retaliation and from whom are you worried about?

          Don't want my career blighted :)

    2. TRT Silver badge

      Re: All I can think of is a statement about this

      Given the precipitation outfalls from the raised walkways criss-crossing Hemel's shopping area between the car park and the stores... and the use that local inebriates make of said walkways...

      piss pour planning.

  6. Aebleskiver

    Pointless exercise

    Justified or not, these new laws and protection orders seem utterly pointless when there are barely any officers around to enforce anything these days.

    1. Blofeld's Cat
      Childcatcher

      Re: Pointless exercise

      Ah, but look up, there are plenty of CCTV cameras.

      Their highly trained operators will spring into action at the first sign of a moving wheel or lowered trouser, alerting* a crack team of ninja precinct-wardens, who will abseil down from the multi-storey car park and detain the perpetrator.

      No doubt they are already harnessing agile AI systems for Lycra recognition.

      * May involve a flares or a large searchlight.

      1. Chris G Silver badge

        Re: Pointless exercise

        Lowered trousers alerting a crack team? Good to know they're on the job.

        1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

          Re: Pointless exercise

          Lowered trousers alerting a crack team?

          One hopes that the 'AI'[1] involved will have been given a builders exemption..

          [1] Which, as we all know, is just marketing-speak[2] for "some rules-based programming and not AI at all"

          [2] Cf: 'lies'

      2. Jellied Eel Silver badge

        Re: Pointless exercise

        Their highly trained operators will spring into action at the first sign of a moving wheel or lowered trouser, alerting* a crack team of ninja precinct-wardens, who will abseil down from the multi-storey car park and detain the perpetrator.

        That's soo last century. Also means said operators would need extensive safety training, PPE, risk assessments, method statements and environmental impact assessments. Especially should a warden miss the rope.

        Much simpler to slave a belt-fed Saiga-12 or 40mm AGL to the CCTV and load it with 'less lethal' rounds, all of which are available on the market today! Coupled with facial recognition and AI, and our streets will be so much safer!

        1. quxinot Silver badge

          Re: Pointless exercise

          >Much simpler to slave a belt-fed Saiga-12 or 40mm AGL to the CCTV and load it with 'less lethal' rounds, all of which are available on the market today! Coupled with facial recognition and AI, and our streets will be so much safer!<

          With hilarious results once the hackers show up.....

    2. werdsmith Silver badge

      Re: Pointless exercise

      Officers around to enforce is moot as long as there are witnesses around when the accident happens.

      1. BebopWeBop Silver badge

        Re: Pointless exercise

        No enforcement of the law might prevent 'accidents' that require witnesses.

    3. Roland6 Silver badge

      Re: Pointless exercise

      Not really pointless...

      With these new orders, a duly authorised representative of Dacorum council can impose a spot fine, no police involved.

  7. Peter Galbavy

    Shame there isn't an equivalent anti-social order for zombie pedestrians. As a law abiding cyclist commuting in London (that means respecting lights, crossings, signage etc.) I am regularly, daily having to swerve and brake to avoid those idiots - most often younger women, 80/20, based solely on personal experience - with heads down looking at a mobile screen and just walking out into the road. Similarly when driving, but they do seem to pay attention to the horn on the car more than the weedy bike alert horn.

    1. Flocke Kroes Silver badge

      Could be worse

      I had a young lady step in front of me and tell me not to ride on the pavement. I asked her not to obstruct the cycle path.

      Years ago I asked my MP for more cycle paths. He made it more difficult for the mentally in to remain in care.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Could be worse

        I had a shouting match with a 6th former (local entitled school) who shouted at me when I swerved off of a cycle path to avoid her walking on it (she veered as I attempted to cycle around her). Her argument was that I should have a bell to warn her, my argument was that she shouldn't be walking in a cycle lane, her argument then became "stop shouting at me" because frankly she didn't have any other recourse. That was when I got an air horn, if they don't shift when I give them a blast then my camera picks the whole thing up, any injuries at that point are purely down to them, I'm not getting off my bike and walking around some entitled twat walking in the wrong place, slow down certainly but get off not a chance.

        1. werdsmith Silver badge

          Re: Could be worse

          any injuries at that point are purely down to them

          I think you might have a surprise coming to you. If you can avoid an accident but you choose not to then you are equally to blame regardless of whether you think you have some kind of priority. There are plenty of people who have got themselves into trouble because they think they can.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Could be worse

            You miss my point, I have slowed down, I have blasted a 110db air horn at them if they veer into my path whilst I'm going past them then it's unavoidable as far as I'm concerned and therefore it's entirely down to them and I have the video evidence to prove it. Funnily enough colliding with a pedestrian is likely to injure a cyclist as much if not more than said pedestrian so should be avoided. See my previous example of the cretin who I did avoid when she veered into my path, I will always endeavour to do that as I don't particularly want to hit them regardless of how much better the gene pool would be with their removal from it.

            1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

              Re: Could be worse

              "You miss my point, I have slowed down, I have blasted a 110db air horn at them if they veer into my path whilst I'm going past them then it's unavoidable as far as I'm concerned and therefore it's entirely down to them and I have the video evidence to prove it."

              You think? Now do that in a car when a pedestrian is in the road and doesn't get out of your way. Pedestrians *always* have right of way. If you hit one and could have avoided it, it's your fault.

              Using your logic, it's ok for me to drive through cyclists riding two or three abreast because I sounded my cars horn and they refused to move out of the way.

              1. TRT Silver badge

                Re: Could be worse

                Right of way is a misused term. You actually mean "priority", because both the pedestrian AND the cyclist have right of way over a shared cycle path. Cyclists, however, do not have a right of way on pavements (sidewalks for clarification) except where signed or in order to gain access to their own property across a dropped kerb which has a vehicular right of way for them. It's also a misconception that pedestrians always have priority - the false belief appears to arise from the direction given to magistrates and judges that in these cases, presumption of the larger part of any fault to be decided should be levied against the operator of the vehicle involved. It's not that they have priority, just that cyclists and drivers are held to a higher level of duty of care; because a vehicle is more likely to cause damage, the operator of that vehicle must be more cautious.

          2. Jimmy2Cows Silver badge

            Re: Could be worse

            Also the priority tends to go to the fleshiest obstacle i.e. the pedestrian. Always the vehicle (bike/car/whatever) is expected to be aware of and avoid the pedestrian wherever possible. Even when they're blantantly in the 'wrong' place (cycle path, road) and not paying any attention to their surroundings.

            As in, you can't mow someone down just because they're walking on the road.

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: Could be worse

              If you were in a car on a single track road and a pedestrian was walking in the road rather than the pavement you would:

              a) sound your horn

              b) slow down and attempt to go around them

              If at that point they decide to veer into your path and get squished the fault would be theirs no (albeit the onus would be on you to prove the fault was theirs)? How is that any different to what I'm saying happens on a bike?

              1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

                Re: Could be worse

                "If at that point they decide to veer into your path and get squished the fault would be theirs no (albeit the onus would be on you to prove the fault was theirs)? How is that any different to what I'm saying happens on a bike?"

                It's not different at all. It's up to you slow or stop so as to not kill or injure someone.

                1. TRT Silver badge

                  Re: Could be worse

                  Well there's an equal duty on all road users to share the road responsibly. If the pedestrian deliberately did not make use of a refuge or other opportunity to allow the vehicle to pass safely, then they would be at fault - not that in such a situation there would be actual damage to make reparations for. I mean, possibly if someone walked along a road blocking it deliberately and the human heart you had on ice in the car was spoiled by the extra delay the pedestrian caused by being an a*hole and not standing aside... Someone being an arse doesn't give you the right to run them down with impunity.

        2. Roland6 Silver badge

          Re: Could be worse

          any injuries at that point are purely down to them

          Not followed this case then:

          https://www.theguardian.com/world/2019/jun/21/cyclist-crashed-into-woman-mobile-phone-pay-compensation-london

          Recommend you get insurance through British Cycling.

        3. Robert Carnegie Silver badge

          Re: Could be worse

          I recommend to you having a bell and using it. Your cycle shop might be legally obliged to provide one. The kind where you push the lever and it goes dingalingalingaling, then again when you let go. That says "bicycle" even to someone not looking your way. Expect them to freeze in place. Ring them from some distance away. Ring while road cycling past pedestrians who may randomly cross in front of you.

          For a persistent nuisance pedestrian, get another bicycle bell and quietly walk up behind them with it and really surprise them.

          In my opinion, the fancy bell with a tiny hammer that strikes once and sounds like a wine glass flicked with a fingernail, sends the wrong message.

          1. TRT Silver badge

            Re: Could be worse

            "a tiny hammer that strikes once and sounds like a wine glass flicked with a fingernail,"

            Just makes them stop and check their iPhone for a text message. Thank God that Apple haven't added ding-a-ling-a-ling as an alert tone!

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Might a suggest a decent horn?

      I have an Airzound and if they don't have headphones in then it does the job of warning them, the headphone wearing idiots however are merely Darwinian.

      1. Peter Galbavy

        Re: Might a suggest a decent horn?

        I was given an "Orp" as a present and it's normally enough, but I still have to use my shouty voice very very often. And believe me, I can shout quite loudly.

      2. TRT Silver badge

        Re: Might a suggest a decent horn?

        I have to admit a certain loathing for those individuals who consider that either or both of a 110dB airhorn and a 10 trillion candlepower flashy front light pointing directly into the eyes of any and all other road users are appropriate warning devices. I suffer from both an aversion to loud noises and photo-induced aura migraines, and there's barely a month goes by when at least one trip home hasn't been marred by someone on a bike triggering a migraine through inappropriately set lights as they cycle across the station forecourt (forbidden!) or set off a panic attack by sounding a too loud horn behind me as they careen down a nearby road littered with pedestrians crossing to and from the station frontage.

        :(

  8. DougS Silver badge
    Devil

    Public defecation

    If it is legal for dogs if you pick it up in a bag, why not for humans?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: If it is legal for dogs if you pick it up in a bag, why not for humans?

      This is a good point, especially since I *always* carry a bag to put my dead humans in. Littering can not only cause offense, but is bad for the environment

      Yours sincerely,

      Wokezilla

      :-)

      1. Jellied Eel Silver badge

        Re: If it is legal for dogs if you pick it up in a bag, why not for humans?

        This is a good point, especially since I *always* carry a bag to put my dead humans in.

        Hmm.. Wonder if carrying body bags would count as 'going equipped'? Or would it be safer to wait until coroner's services are privatised (if that hasn't already happended). Oh, and supplemental question. Anyone know the most effective acid to dissolve long-bacon, and lycra?

        On which point-

        https://www.breitbart.com/europe/2019/09/06/swedish-scientist-proposes-cannibalism-fight-climate-change/

        Swedish behavioural scientist Magnus Söderlund has suggested that eating other people after they die could be a means of combatting climate change.

        Would also demonstrate that vegans can still be a valuable source of protein. Hemel Hempstead obviously isn't thinking far enough and should be promoting itself as a source of free-range, lean meat.

  9. A K Stiles

    Pedestrianised

    Surely the point here is the definition of 'pedestrianised' - made appropriate for foot traffic only?

    I have no (particular) problem with folks pushing bikes or buggies or tartan shopping trollies around a pedestrianised area, as they are then only moving at pedestrian speeds and, hopefully, watching where they and the equipment in their charge is going.

    Are pedestrianised areas not already covered by the same general rules as pavements (sidewalks for our left-pondian friends)?

    1. GlenP Silver badge

      Re: Pedestrianised

      Are pedestrianised areas not already covered by the same general rules as pavements (sidewalks for our left-pondian friends)?

      It would depend on the wording of the Traffic Regulation Order that created the pedestrianised area.

      The advantage of a PSPO is offences can be dealt with via a fixed penalty notice, I'm not sure if the same applies to a cyclist breaching a TRO.

    2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: Pedestrianised

      "I have no (particular) problem with folks pushing bikes or buggies or tartan shopping trollies around a pedestrianised area, as they are then only moving at pedestrian speeds and, hopefully, watching where they and the equipment in their charge is going."

      I think the law should also be clarified and people made aware that mobility scooters usually have two speed settings, the lower being walking pace, and should also be enforced in pedestrian areas.

  10. Bonzo_red

    What about other forms of wheeled personal transport (non-electric) such as scooters, in-line skates, unicycles etc? Ban them I say!

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
      Happy

      I disagree! Unicycles should be encouraged. I think they should be allowed to break all traffic laws they want to, on condition that the rider is juggling at the time.

  11. davenewman

    Oxford has it right

    In two town centre streets, you have to walk bicycles between 1000 and 1800. Outside those hours you can ride down those streets.

    Everywhere else there are cycle lanes and 20 mph limits to reduce injuries from motor vehicles.

    Has Hemel Hempsted done that?

    Oxford tried to ban busking and begging in a PSPO. So Mark Thomas came to town and built a beggar trap.

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: Oxford has it right

      "In two town centre streets, you have to walk bicycles between 1000 and 1800. Outside those hours you can ride down those streets."

      Good idea. The same should be the default for bus lanes too. Many places have bus lanes with "active hours", sometimes only in certain directions in mornings and afternoon/evenings, ie in or out of town. Around here, they are all 24/7. Probably because someone said they had to have bus lanes but couldn't be arsed to spend the time and money on where and when they were most needed.

  12. Stuart 18
    Thumb Up

    FTFY ---

    A newly introduced Public Spaces Protection Order (PSPO) in the Hertfordshire town of Hemel Hempstead has managed to lump the relatively harmless pastime of >publicly relieving oneself<, in with <cycling>.

    FTFY

    1. TRT Silver badge

      But if they ban shitting in the pedestrian shopping area...well, all I can say is they've no respect for maintaining the historical stench of the town.

  13. Rol Silver badge

    My problem, is that I expect too much from the general public, and assume everyone shares a common understanding of right and wrong. Over the years I have managed to adjust my expectations and assumptions down to a very base level, but the last decade has seen a new breed of cyclist, one that most probably never owned a bike until their late teens, and their complete lack of expertise, ability and understanding glares out like Mordor's maligned beacon.

    Ignorant of the world around them they ineptly traverse the roads and pavements in a manner a child would play Frogger, but in this game it's the cars and crocs that have to do the avoiding.

    The pavement, a once safe place for pedestrians is now a war zone, one way streets no longer a given and every blind corner a step into the unknown.

    I used to cycle a lot before I got arthritis, and know the majority of cyclists would welcome more anti-cycling laws, as they would have zero effect on the already law abiding and considerate cyclists, who didn't get on a bike after seeing Bradley Wiggins, thinking it is now cool.

    One thing that has surprised me is that they all to a one dismount before going in the supermarket. Why? Why do they career along the pavement knocking people left and right and then get off their bike to go into the shop? Perhaps if we put a roof like structure over pavements the effect could be replicated?

    1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      "One thing that has surprised me is that they all to a one dismount before going in the supermarket."

      Don't say things like that. Just don't. We all know what'll happen next.

      1. Robert Carnegie Silver badge

        A bit surprised entering Asda the other day to meet a cyclist riding out. Of the shop. Past the handbaskets. It is unusual.

        Actual cycle lock facility there, where I park mine, is just closer than the disabled driving spaces. No complaint from me.

    2. Roland6 Silver badge

      but the last decade has seen a new breed of cyclist, one that most probably never owned a bike until their late teens, and their complete lack of expertise, ability and understanding glares out like Mordor's maligned beacon.

      A couple of year back we stopped racing Cyclocross Novices (typically adult men) with the U14/U16 riders; after complaints from the teenagers that the Novices bike handling skills were so bad they were impacting their race and placings; the race officials agreed. (The other reason was too many dad coaches decided to ride as 'novice' and do in race coaching...) Now they have to race with their age group, ie. among the national/international champions and amateur pro's, who do not suffer fools.

    3. Laura Kerr

      s/teens/forties.

      FTFY

      1. Roland6 Silver badge

        @Laura

        That's nothing compared to adult men/women races in recent years - fortunately we now have sufficient women to run a women only race... although it was fun watching Helen Wyman and other top women showing just how good they are compared to your typical MAMIL.

    4. BebopWeBop Silver badge

      I agree with much of your post, but I know of no cyclists who would welcome 'anti cycling laws'

      1. Rol Silver badge

        Sorry my mind was a little too focussed on the rant. The "anti" bit being more an outburst of frustration, than a Freudian gymslip.

        For the record I am not anti-cyclist and would encourage responsible two wheeling for all ages.

    5. TRT Silver badge

      Not the case in nearby Watford, where there's a bridge over what was a road and is now a pedestrian walk cutting through the shopping centre. Cyclists, to a one, NEVER dismount. The shopping centre is so fed up with it, that they're blocking off the road with some doors. They eventually won their 20 year battle to effectively stop up the road. So it's not so much the roof that has the effect as the presence of a door / threshold.

  14. This post has been deleted by its author

  15. adam payne Silver badge

    I've dodged my fair share of cyclists and been hit by a couple as well.

    A lot of the cyclists I seem to meet think they own the road and the pavement. Everybody has to move out of their way, they just don't seem to care and then they play the victim.

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      "A lot of the cyclists I seem to meet think they own the road and the pavement. Everybody has to move out of their way, they just don't seem to care and then they play the victim."

      This is where most people need to reflect on their own personal bias created by experience. You probably don't even notice all the responsible cyclists because they barely impinge on your awareness.

    2. TRT Silver badge

      Indeed I had a very close call near Angel. I was on the centre island, looking left, the traffic behind me was on a red light about to go green, nothing was coming, so I turned ahead and stepped down onto the road. I got clipped by a cyclist who had taken it upon themselves to go around the island on the wrong side of the road against the red light. They were doing a fair lick too as that's a long downhill stretch. If I had looked right, I would have seen them of course, but you don't expect traffic to be going around the wrong side of a traffic island when the lights are red - except emergency vehicles of course.

  16. 0laf Silver badge
    Mushroom

    Sounds like the problem isn't cyclists or cycling but people.

    A large proportion of people are twats.

    Some ride bike, some drive cars. But fundamentally they are twats and would irritate and annoy the rest of us no matter what they do.

    (To cite an example from today, we've received a complaint from a parent for not feeding her child whilst the school was on fire. Oddly the HT took the position that getting wee Johnny out of the burning school overruled his need to get sausage and mash)

    1. Empire of the Pussycat

      ^^^this

      the problem isn't cyclists/drivers/pedestrians/joggers/whatever, it's selfish, inconsiderate/careless/self-important twats

      i suspect it may be the same twats who think it's ok to dump their unwanted food/drink/wrappers/cups/cans/bottles//whatever in the street, on public transport, in parks, on my front steps

      twats need culling

  17. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge

    why would you go to a town centre?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      To hang out with your school mates and demonstrate your ability to fall off a skateboard/bmx bike whilst failing to execute some cool trick...

      I was in Coventry recently, it was funny watching the local youths (complete with bmx/skateboards) being rather well behaved as they allowed two 30'ish men demonstrate their inability to stay on skateboards and do basic tricks - the laugh was the men were in the kit, bronzed and muscular and the youth in normal youth fashion...

      1. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge

        I have never once seen a skateborder land a trick in real life

  18. Jemma Silver badge

    I swear...

    If I see three fat cyclists three abreast on a one track 60mph road just one more time I'll take the front bumper off my Wolseley and weld a combine cutter bar where it used to be.

    And then there's the "I forgot I was crossing the road, because phone" cretins. They should put trained snipers on rooftops, headshots with hollowpoints. I DON'T have ABS and I don't have stability control or crumple zones - but it'll be MY fucking fault when some tween retard walks out in front of me, and gets twatted whilst twatting her life story.

    We get banned from driving for dangerous driving or drinking or drugging while driving - I think idiot pedestrians who put others at risk should have their breathing priveleges removed. They, cyclists and those bloody 8mph road legal cripple carriages should be blamed for the accidents they cause. Great - a closing speed of 52mph what the fuck could possibly go wrong?

    1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      Re: I swear...

      "We get banned from driving for dangerous driving or drinking or drugging while driving"

      This is the core problem. Drivers can be held responsible and too many non-drivers take this as licence to be irresponsible. It's so much easier to not have to bother to take any responsibility for your own safety if the entire effort can be dumped on someone else.

      1. werdsmith Silver badge

        Re: I swear...

        It's so much easier to not have to bother to take any responsibility for your own safety if the entire effort can be dumped on someone else.

        This is very true, as a driver I often yield priority where it is sensible and safer to do so. I find most other drivers who are not in Audis are similarly co-operative. But, generally speaking, cyclists will push on into their priory whether it is dangerous or not and in situations where it would be wiser to yield.

        That thing that good drivers do, which is to always try to make sure you allow yourself an out for anything you go into. If there is no out then think twice about doing it.

      2. Ken Shabby Bronze badge
        Big Brother

        Re: I swear...

        Syd knew a bit about drugs and bikes, over to Syd...

        I've got a bike. You can ride it if you like

        It's got a basket, a bell that rings and

        Things to make it look good

        I'd give it to you if I could, but I borrowed it

    2. Roland6 Silver badge

      Re: I swear...

      If it's a one track road, then you won't be able to pass a single cyclist, without that cyclist pulling over. However, the irritation with three cyclists abreast (or even two on some single track roads with gravel/weeds up the middle) is as a cyclist cycling towards them and they don't make space for you to pass.

      Remember the speed limit might be 60 but you may need to prove to a court that conditions were such that it was safe to actually drive at 60...

      1. werdsmith Silver badge

        Re: I swear...

        If it's a one track road, then you won't be able to pass a single cyclist, without that cyclist pulling over.

        When I'm cycling that's exactly what I do. I see no reason to hold up a faster vehicle, and anyway it's a very uncomfortable feeling - being selfish.

      2. Jemma Silver badge

        Re: I swear...

        If you are on a one track road on a pushbike you travel single file. If you you are on a narrow dual track you travel Single. Frigging. File. The only time you don't travel single bloody file is if the road is closed and it's a cycle race.

        I was taught to ride on the road and we were taught to ride single file at ALL times. We were taught to cross roads at crossings walking the bike. We were taught to wear clothing in which we could be seen.

        And finally

        WE WERE TAUGHT TO HAVE WORKING LIGHTS AND SWITCH THE THINGS ON WHEN IT WAS DARK. Not ride a pushbike at 3am on the *most* dangerous road within 20 miles and whine when we were hit and killed in such bad weather even the Barn Owls had been rained off through lack of visibility. No one rode that road even in daylight because it was so dangerous, and her family set up such a wailing and gnashing of teeth until her sister happened to mention that said organ donor had no lights even fitted to the bike, now it's the local cyclists version of the Death Star run despite being even less safe now than then.

        1. The Pi Man

          Re: I swear...

          Best practice is not always single file. Nor does the law mandate it.

          1. Jemma Silver badge

            Re: I swear...

            That's what I was taught by Essex Police traffic division representatives - take it up with them. All things considered, even given they're Essex Police, I'd trust their knowledge before I'd trust yours. But I tell you one more bloody Pelaton on the country roads round here and I'm fitting TUSK urban gear (look it up) to the Wolseley, moving chicanes for the elimination of. I might even enquire as to the possibility of fitting an ERA* kit to the bumpers - fonewits for the use of. The British Army actually used Austin/Morris 1800/2200 as staff cars, so they might have some as surplus... Probably out the back of a Bedford..

            * explosive reactive armour

            1. Roland6 Silver badge

              Re: I swear...

              >That's what I was taught by Essex Police traffic division representatives - take it up with them.

              Suggest you read the current edition of the highway code...

              However, I expect many cyclists riding in larger groups aren't fully aware of what is expected of them and thus only know the word of mouth highway code...

            2. Hugh Pumphrey

              Re: I swear...

              Jemma, I exhort you never to go to Majorca on holiday, or, if you do, do not rent a car and attempt to drive it around. The entire island is infested with middle-aged blokes in rubber shorts, forming massive pelotons and restricting your average driving speed to about 25km/h. Everyone else: sure, go to Majorca if you are insistent on eating pamboli and seeing the La Seu cathedral. If you just want to visit a sunny island and drive around a bit to look at the scenery, try Crete or the Canaries --- they are cheaper, less up themselves, and you can drive about without staring at an array of rubber-clad arses.

        2. ICPurvis47 Bronze badge
          Unhappy

          Re: I swear...

          I used to cycle 7 miles each way to school (early 60s), and in winter it was dark both ways. Of course, in those law-abiding days, everyone had lights, bell, and mudguards as was required. One afternoon I collected my bike from the bike shed, and someone had stolen the rear light. I had no option but to ride it home, and was stopped by a policeman. He confiscated my bike and I had to walk the rest of the way home. I then had to explain to my Dad why my bike had been impounded, and we had to go to the local nick, armed with a new rear light, to get the bike released. No penalty was imposed, other than a stiff talking to, but the fact that I had to walk 3 or 4 miles and confront my Dad was punishment enough.

    3. Laura Kerr

      Re: I swear...

      "And then there's the "I forgot I was crossing the road, because phone" cretins."

      Plus the "I'm going to cross on red because female driver" characters. I've had several of these: I'm sitting at the lights with my indicator on waiting to turn left. Lights change, I start the turn and some numpty decides to step out in front of me. Some of them have even looked right at me before doing it. The last one got the full benefit of the Defender's light box and horn. He looked like a tourist; I hope his phrase book included 'you fucking idiot!'

      I'm going to ask Santa for a set of bull bars this year.

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Car drivers

    Just this morning whilst walking from the train station to the office I was nearly taken out by 2 car drivers jumping red lights and 1 failing to give way where legally required to do so. One driver had a mobile phone glued to his ear. Clearly ALL cars should be banned from every town centre as *every* driver is irresponsible and a blanket ban is the only solution.

    1. Jemma Silver badge

      Re: Car drivers

      You want my highlights for fuckwit driver of the year?

      Driver overtakes 10 cars on the wrong side of the road then cuts the wrong side of the roundabout.

      Driving instructor has her student go into the left lane of a mini roundabout - and then the mindless fucktard visibly indicates for her student to go Right from the left hand lane which they do - almost causing a 6 car pile up.

      Idiot driving a van with dog in lap, phone in ear, and music up so loud that the ENTIRE FUCKING GERMAN HIGH SEAS FLEET could fire a broadside and he wouldn't hear it.

      I overtake a 30mph wonder in the Wolseley in a 60 limit road and she suddenly decides she's James frigging Hunt (no relation, fire up the Hesketh) and suddenly realises her NaziMini C*ntryman has something called 4th gear.. And she almost causes an accident.

      Shall I tell your AC'ness what the police said when I reported the c*nt in the c*ntryman and idiot van man? And I quote "sorry, we haven't got time to deal with that"

      I am well aware there are idiot drivers - but I'm not one. I was taught by a police pursuit driving advanced driving *instructor*. I have driven vehicles from a Wilson Rolls Royce via various classics to high performance moderns - pre-select, auto, tiptronic, manual 4/5/6,manual overdrive. I understand the concept of awareness - I can anticipate more than 5 milliseconds ahead - I am aware that if my car is pouring smoke like a chieftain MBT MK.II doing Porlock Hill on chip fat, or sounds like a Rolls Royce Meteor having a bad day, there might conceivably, just conceivably, be an issue.. My brake lights work and my indicators exist. BUT IT WILL STILL BE MY FUCKING FAULT WHEN SOME INATTENTIVE GIMBOID WALKS IN FRONT OF ME. And then the whining mother who has spent the last few years binge watching Jeremy Kyle and ignoring her kids will suddenly be mother fucking Theresa and have a 20mph limit installed.

      There are retards on shankses pony and in a hyundai pony - 20 percent of the population are Macnamara's Morons and probably another 35% that are dumber than the average bear - but don't lump me in with either, thanks.

      1. werdsmith Silver badge

        Re: Car drivers

        Hi Jemma,

        I'm a very poor driver, I am always finding fault with my own driving and noting my mistakes - I make loads of them. I try my best to learn from them and to not repeat them. But there is still much I can do to improve and I will never stop trying.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Car drivers

          I’d be careful what you admit to. I suspect ‘Jemma’ will have a contract assassin lined up the next time you don’t live up to ‘her’ exacting (albeit totally flawed) standards.

          A/C because I don’t want to be taken out by a roof top sniper or combine cutter...

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Car drivers

            Wow, I didn't know that actually following the Highway Code is now known as having "exactly (albeit totally flawed) standards".

            Maybe is isn't that 90% of road users don't know how to correctly use indicators, maybe I missed the updated Highway Code? The bit that says "don't worry about any other road user, they don't need to know where you're going, and they won't mind you being 3 foot from their boot at 70mph on a motorway, and they won't mind you ignoring the give way and just pulling out when you're right on top of the junction"

            (By the way, doing 30mph in a 60mph zone on your test will result in a fail on the grounds of failing to make proper progress and probably also on unnecessarily impeding the flow of traffic - in other words "being unsafe")

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: Car drivers

              Unless it’s piss poor weather with limited visibility and the vehicles in front are also doing 30. It’s a limit, not a target.

              1. Anonymous Coward
                Anonymous Coward

                Re: Car drivers

                That's called "driving to the conditions" and wouldn't be causing a massive tailback.

                "It's a limit not a target" - is one of those trite little sayings that I detest as it's usually said by the morons that dawdle along national speed limit roads, in good conditions, at 20mph+ under the limit and with complete disregard for other road users. You know, the ones that suddenly slam their brakes on and drop their speed to 25mph when they spot a speed camera - even thought it's still that same national speed limit (i.e. 60mph) then wonder why the car behind just nearly parked in their backseat.

                Stop coming up with excuses for bad driving, it's not big, it's not funny, and it's endangering other road users. Don't make others suffer for your lack of ability and general belligerence.

                Personally I think they give out driving licences far too easily these days and there should be compulsory re-testing every 5 years.

                1. Anonymous Coward
                  Anonymous Coward

                  Re: Car drivers

                  I got the “trite” saying from a speed awareness course where they show you graphic images of the effects of speeding when it goes wrong.

                  1. MrBanana

                    Re: Car drivers

                    That doesn't make it any less trite.

                  2. Anonymous Coward
                    Anonymous Coward

                    Re: Car drivers

                    Aside from the fact that nothing I have written in any way advocates "speeding":

                    No, they showed you graphic images of accidents and told you they were from the effects of "speeding", unless they then passed around the accident investigation reports backing up what they said then I'd treat them with the same healthy dose of scepticism that I treat pretty much everything these days. Driving at below the speed limit is no assurance of not being involved in a very nasty accident.

                    Also, are you admitting that you're quite happy to drive around considerably below the speed limit, without conditions dictating that you should, and to hell with the every other road user? Remember that comment about belligerence? That could also be classed as driving "without reasonable consideration for other road users" (Highway Code says you must not do this) or "impeding traffic" (an offence).

                    Surprisingly the Highway Code is interesting reading, hence the comment about compulsory re-testing.

                2. MrBanana

                  Re: Car drivers

                  "usually said by the morons that dawdle along national speed limit roads, in good conditions, at 20mph+ under the limit and with complete disregard for other road users."

                  Yes, 39-41 mph seems to be their sweet spot. They don't much care if they are in a 60 limit, going through a village with a 30 limit, or a 20 mph controlled zone. Keep it steady at 41. Perhaps you get given a special type of cruise control for free when pensioners buy a hat and wear it in their Austin Allegro/Rover 213/Honda Jazz/...

                  1. Anonymous Coward
                    Anonymous Coward

                    Re: Car drivers

                    Damn MrBanana I wish I could upvote you more than once. Monospeed drivers make me loopy.

            2. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: Car drivers

              Here in the wilds of West Wales the updated Highway code seems to include "maneuver signal mirror handsignal in response to horn of the car in the overtaking lane you just pulled out across the nose of". It also seems normal for instructors to pull up in positions I would call unwise to chat to pupils - a recent example being on a long sweeping corner which has a junction on it stopping alongside a hatch marked area and opposite a bus stop. its a nasty piece of road and not a place to be encouraging a novice driver to feel is an appropraite place to stop for a trivial reason. The standards of instruction here do seem to be very poor.

              Sadly we are doubly cursed in this area with 2 annual events that involve cutting off entire communities for a couple of days every year to enable the lycra lot to play on closed roads so for most of the year the year we are plagued by these muppets "familiarising themselves" with the area by wobbling along national speed limit roads while the extensive network of specially constructed cycle paths running alongside them remain empty (and this is outside of town) - great fun each day when the Irish Ferry traffic arrives. And for this the council actually PAY the organisers... (yep despite the fact that the event has little support locally as it creates so much upheaval for so little reward, )to come here (most locals hate it) while our roads grow ever more cratered and the council throw money at cycle paths almost no one uses. and before you strat on about bringing money into the area, on the Saturdays that these events run most of the shops De-staff to minimal levels because town is so deserted once the event passes through first thing, no one can get here easily with the closed roads - so they dont bother. But for the few dignitariies on the council its an ego trip to be involved, it doesnt affect the county town so they dont really care about the damage it does here.

              It really is time that the law required cycle paths to be used where they are present, either that or stop WASTING money on paths that will see little or no use and repair and widen roads to incorporate a "road level" cycle facility at the side of the normal carriageway as this seems to be some sort of totem in the minds of the MAMILs

              1. Roland6 Silver badge

                Re: Car drivers

                > And for this the council actually PAY the organisers... ... to come here ... while our roads grow ever more cratered

                Without the cycle race your roads would be even more cratered. For the various national races the roads have to be of a particular minimum standard, so the route will have been closely inspected and if necessary roads resurfaced.

                Round my way, we are sad the Womens tour moved on after 3 years, our favourite cycling lanes are starting to degrade. The council is also having to find other ways to encourage people to visit and spend money in the shops.

  20. Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse Silver badge

    Sigh... so many rules...

    So many rules, yet so few people to actually enforce them. I like horses, but I'd really like to see one that similar to dog owners, forces their riders to pick up the mess behind their animals when they dump all over the pavements and roads.

  21. DontFeedTheTrolls Silver badge
    Coat

    Failure to carry a dog poo bag

    Do I have to carry a dog poo bag? Can I carry a couple of Tesco carrier bags instead? Or Sainsbury's for that matter? Do I have to get a dog? I don't have a dog. Is someone going to loan me a dog so I can walk through the centre? Should they not supply a poo bag if they're supplying the dog? What if the dog does more than one poo? What if there's an escalator, do I need to carry the dog on the escalator?

  22. Valerion

    New problem

    The problem now isn't so much the people on bikes, but the abandoned Jump / Lime / Whatever rental bikes that are all over the damn place, blocking the pavements.

    At least the Boris bikes have to be put back in their docks. These ones just get left anywhere.

  23. JaitcH
    Unhappy

    Miserable Little Town Obviously Has The Council It Deserves!

    One of the first post WWII 'New Towns' to answer the UK’s need for extra housing, and what was once a small settlement on the River Gade is amazingly home to 90,000 people, obviously with little sense. As with many 'Beta' experiments the outcome was never good. It received its town charter from Henry VIII in 1539 and hasn't improved much.

    As one former resident posted on > https://www.ilivehere.co.uk/hemel-hempstead.html < "I spent four years going to Hemel to visit a boyfriend, I'm from Bournemouth, so I'm in agreement with you, Hemel is a horrible place. My ex boyfriend as he is now moved from a nice flat near the canal and now has a flat in the Kodak building, thinks he's kingpin now, but the view from his window looks at the main shopping mall, so not such a wise move. I'm so glad i never have to visit the horrible place again.

    It was entered for the 'Britain's Crapiest Towns' poll. No news about the winner.

    I you walk on Grovehill Playing Fields, know that the road and part of the field is covered in sewerage and that the Council have done nothing about it after years of complaints.

  24. johnnyblaze

    F*cking cyclists. There everywhere, and cause a massive nuisance - mainly kids on bikes in pedestrianised areas. My biggest bugbear though is the fact that someone can get on a bike for the first time on Monday, and by cycling on public roads on Tuesday. They don't need to wear a helmet, or high viz clothing. The bike doesn't have to be roadworthy, or have lights, or even working brakes, and while they should, they don't even have to know anything about navigating lanes, how to approach roundabouts or when to give way. There are NO rules about cycling - the highway code gives recommendations, but enforces very little, but guess what, if there's an incident between a car and a cyclist, even if the cyclist was in the wrong, the majority of the time, it's the car driver who's penalised.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      There are around 500 pedestrian deaths a year due to being run down by drivers of cars, vans and lorries. I’d wager that a significant percentage of these drivers had undergone training of some sort and passed theory and / or practical driving tests, yet still they kill and maim. What’s your point exactly? Even when drivers are found guilty of killing pedestrians and cyclists the sentences are absolutely woeful.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      https://www.cyclinguk.org/news/drivers-have-1-in-10-chance-of-going-to-jail-for-killing-cyclist

    3. Robert Carnegie Silver badge

      A bicycle "MUST" have "efficient" brakes, red and white lights at night, and also a rear red reflector at all times. It is the law but it may not be enforced.

      https://www.gov.uk/guidance/the-highway-code/annex-1-you-and-your-bicycle

      Like when I got a quarter mile from the bike repair shop then found my brakes were still unfastened from the wheel change.

      1. Tom 7 Silver badge

        We used to have a lovely steep hill that you could get up to about 60 on just freewheeling, I came down it one day after a few hours of bike maintenance and as I approached the sharp right turn at the bottom I was greeted with the sight of my brake blocks flying ahead of me and into the hedge a moment before I followed then,

        1. Robert Carnegie Silver badge

          Ouch. I prefer spills of about the level of "stop at traffic lights without noticing your shoelaces are tangled in the crank, lights change, start pedalling, go about two metres as your foot is trapped and you slowly but unavoidably fall over sideways". Well, not "prefer"; I'm more particular about laces now. Ever since then.

  25. TheFurryCircle

    Hemel has shared pedestrian / cyclist pavements in certain areas which is a bit odd. I've been hit from behind (very hard) walking from the train station and then received a barage of abuse for possible damage to her bike. Seems like an strange policy, and at odds with this recent announcement.

    1. Citizen99

      I was at a bus stop shelter studying the timetable, about to move back when I was almost taken out by a young woman riding silently, fast & furious. Oh, the lane markings showed that the cycle lane did *not* exist at the but stop. Would have been a Pensioner/Pillock Pile-up.

      1. Robert Carnegie Silver badge

        Presumably the cyclist is expected to stay on the cycle path, and thereby be instantly teleported to a point just following the bus stop. If not, then what are we meant to do?

    2. Fred Dibnah Silver badge

      A strange policy, yes, but also dirt cheap. For the cost of a few blue pedestrian/cyclist signs on lampposts, the council can tick a box marked 'sustainable transport' and to hell with the consequences.

  26. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

    Suitable attire

    There are Lycra clad hooligans and then there are Vulture Lycra clad hooligans...

    https://www.theregister.co.uk/2015/10/06/vulturebranded_lycra_can_be_yours_if_youre_feeling_charitable/

    https://regmedia.co.uk/2015/10/06/vulture_velo.jpg

    Alas, no longer available

  27. 1752
    Trollface

    Brexit

    See title.

  28. StuntMisanthrope Bronze badge

    Ding ding.

    Meanwhile in alternate parallel universe, or socialised state. It’ll be handcarts next, mark my words. #offmyskateboard

  29. hatti

    It may be stretchy, but

    Lycra and beer bellies are definitely filed under 'sportswear fails'

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    They are cyclers not cyclists

    People who walk are walkers.

    People who run are runners.

    People who swim are swimmers.

    Therefore people who ride a bicycle should be cyclers.

    According to the definition of the suffix -ist, the -ist suffix signifies a profession such as dentist, pharmacist or archaeologist.

    Therefore those riding a bicycle in events such as Le Tour or La Vuelta are cyclists are it is their profession. Everyone else should be a cycler.

    1. Robert Carnegie Silver badge

      Re: They are cyclers not cyclists

      So they are. In American English. Still keen?

POST COMMENT House rules

Not a member of The Register? Create a new account here.

  • Enter your comment

  • Add an icon

Anonymous cowards cannot choose their icon

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2019