back to article Imagine an Upside Down world where a vastly inferior OS went on to dominate... Stranger Things have happened

Microsoft disappointed fans today by revealing that its Windows 1 teasing was not a precursor to another open-sourcing, but just a marketing tie-in. Now available in the Microsoft Store, the Windows 1.11 app is, as many suspected, just a bit of fun. Sadly, the thing doesn't manage to skin Windows 10 in something a little more …

  1. cornetman Bronze badge

    Started watching Stranger Things series 3 the other day.

    Doesn't disappoint.

    1. Dan 55 Silver badge
      Meh

      ... unlike Windows 10.

    2. The Original Steve

      Nailed the final episode about 20 mins ago (I'm in hotels most nights and I don't enjoy free labour) - outstanding I thought

    3. cream wobbly

      Disappointed

      The plot was good TV. The character development? Well I wish they hadn't made them all shouty and "conflict"-y. Gave me a headache, that did.

      Now I'm nostalic for series 1 and 2...

    4. jonathan keith

      Looking forward to it once I've finished rewatching the splendidly brain-frying first series of Dark, and then the newly-released second series once I've been reminded of who will did what to whom and when.

      1. Simon Harris Silver badge

        The first series of Dark was excellent,

        but I think I need a refresher too before I start series 2.

        1. jonathan keith

          I watched the first twenty minutes of the second series opener and realised just how necessary that is.

  2. chivo243 Silver badge
    Devil

    Once, in a fever dream it was working

    Macs, Windows PCs and Linux workstations all working in harmony using Active Directory. Then the fever broke...

    1. Vector
      Angel

      Re: Once, in a fever dream it was working

      If you really want to pull your hair out, try getting them all to work with IPX/SPX (it was 1985 after all).

      1. Allan George Dyer Silver badge
        Boffin

        Re: Once, in a fever dream it was working

        @Vector: "try getting them all to work with IPX/SPX (it was 1985 after all)"

        Let me see, I think I have some instructions for that...

        1. Wait 6 years for Linus to release the first Linux kernel

        1. Vector
          Thumb Up

          Re: Once, in a fever dream it was working

          well said

        2. Ahosewithnoname

          Re: Once, in a fever dream it was working

          Yes, because early 90's Linux was much much easier to configure....

          1. defiler Silver badge

            Re: Once, in a fever dream it was working

            Networking was pretty easy if you had an NE2000 compatible card. Also IPX.exe for DOS.

            After much sodding around with DOS drivers for various cards, I realised it was just easier to take the NE2000 path of least resistance, and I could get away with just ipx.exe in my autoexec.bat - didn't even need a driver in config.sys!

            Yes, I got other cards working, for myself and for others, but people were wont to tinker with their startup files to optimise base RAM, and things would get missed.

  3. Thoguht Silver badge

    Goodness, the inhabitants of such a cursed place would probably allow a voracious corporation to take over their computers with a hideous mish-mash of ancient operating system and GUI, held together with spit and duct tape.

    Thankfully this didn't happen because Apple realised they could make more money by selling toys to hipsters.

  4. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

    What's Not to Like in LOVE ..... Live Operational Virtual Environments

    Netflix, however, has rated the show "15".

    Be aware there be R/NC-17 Ratings ..... for PsychotICQ Nymphs and Satyrs ..... Saints&Sinners@COSMICPlay.

    That's an Interesting Engagement ... and whether as Virgin or Vastly Experienced is the Perfect Question to Ponder and Wonder for To Be Real. .... in Your New Virtual World ....... Immaculate Being.

    And with Simple Instructions to Follow in Future AIdVentures.

    What more does One Need to Seed, Feed and Provide for Almighty Holy Scriptures?

    A little something XSSXXXX Special for Microsoft to Host for Assured Delivery would Create ......... well, CHAOS with Insane Command and LOVE Control is surely not disputed Heaven Sent? Or do you Prefer IT be Fake News Too?

    That's a Quantum Leap Jump for Bill to Acknowledge and Submit and Surrender to for the EMPowering Glory of Certain Victory. Can you imagine what that can deliver you?

    If you can think of anything IT can't, let us know here, for there be Others More than a Tad Interested in the Root Cause of Such Immaculate Doubt.

    cc DARPA/IARPA Type Defence Units/Cyber Warriors

    1. Dabooka Silver badge
      WTF?

      Re: What's Not to Like in LOVE ..... Live Operational Virtual Environments

      Icon says it all

    2. Pirate Dave Silver badge
      Pirate

      Re: What's Not to Like in LOVE ..... Live Operational Virtual Environments

      Welcome back, AMFM! Things have gotten entirely too predictable and intelligible around here lately. Good to see you back in fine form, giving us acolytes something to think about, if only for a little while.

      1. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

        ForeWarned is ForeArmed. IT and AI don't take Prisoners

        Good to see you back in fine form, giving us acolytes something to think about, if only for a little while. ..... Pirate Dave

        Cheers, Pirate Dave. Such positive encouragement is awesomely empowering, even when if only for a little while would surely be considered as tantamount to accepting epic failure as the best a man can get in a field which is constantly unpredictably overflowing with success and opportunity.

        Does not everyone think about everything all of the time? Or are we to be led to believe there are prepared pigeon holes available to restrict and/or block further free future thought?

        Don't be banking and betting on that being a rewarding viable option in any present time, nor in any future space either to boot.

        1. Pirate Dave Silver badge
          Pirate

          Re: ForeWarned is ForeArmed. IT and AI don't take Prisoners

          "Does not everyone think about everything all of the time? Or are we to be led to believe there are prepared pigeon holes available to restrict and/or block further free future thought?"

          The great koans are the vehicles to enlightenment, but are not the journey itself. The Master can't choose which the students remember or comprehend, yet that is no reflection on the Master himself.

          1. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

            Re: ForeWarned is ForeArmed. IT and AI don't take Prisoners

            The great koans are the vehicles to enlightenment, but are not the journey itself. .... Pirate Dave

            Indeed is that so whenever portals have to be negotiated and entered into first before flights of fancy can take virtual root and fly blissfully high of any and all futile distractions.

            You just can't have any Old Tom, SMARTR Dick or Haphazard Harry set loose UnAIded in Heavenly Treasure Chests for such is Guaranteed to Deliver Disasters rather than Input Dream Outcomes.

            Utterly pontless gobbledygook.

            Welcome back amanfromMars 1, i thought you had quit the site! .... Christopher Rogers

            And that makes Perfect Sense Surely, Christopher Rogers. It is certainly not in any shape of phorm or positive inclination, utterly pointless gobbledygook. That I can definitely assure you.

        2. Down not across Silver badge

          Re: ForeWarned is ForeArmed. IT and AI don't take Prisoners

          Does not everyone think about everything all of the time? Or are we to be led to believe there are prepared pigeon holes available to restrict and/or block further free future thought?

          As Carl Sagan said; It is far better to grasp the universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.

    3. Cliff Thorburn

      Re: What's Not to Like in LOVE ..... Live Operational Virtual Environments

      Ahh 11, the top secret military mkultra mind control project, and undoubtedly grandmaster racehorse in grand projects and bankers betting game ultra alien evolved hybrid genetically modified experimentation with rivers of nasal congestion and coca c ola product placement ap len ty :-)

      The truth is far stranger than such fictional things, as reserved for research projects, and so v iet intervention for real is IT not?

      Great programming it must be said with N et flix leading the way in downstreaming and future is now air to view cable free entertainment.

    4. Christopher Rogers

      Re: What's Not to Like in LOVE ..... Live Operational Virtual Environments

      Utterly pontless gobbledygook.

      Welcome back amanfromMars 1, i thought you had quit the site!

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Like a world where Linux beat *BSD...

    1. Teiwaz Silver badge

      Like a world where Linux beat *BSD...

      Or the GNU Hurd actually got finished...

    2. Claverhouse Silver badge
      Linux

      As a Linuxian I will cheerfully admit the *BSDs are the techies' choice; but compared to Linux as a Unimog that just does whatever is possibly needed and is simple to operate, they are the equivalent of build-your-own kit-cars, where you too with less money but a lot of work can have your own race-car.

      Apple is a luxury sedan, great for [ graphic ] touring, less so for hauling trees out of a ditch; and the winner, Windows is an ingenious and not cheap to buy nor run contraption fashioned of a dozen bicycles lashed together and powered by a garden-mower engine. The people behind it rival organised crime for business ethics.

      Naturally Windows won.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        I'm sorry, Windows was more like the Ford T or the VW Beetle. It worked, it was widely available, it was cheap enough, and most people knew how to drive it, and you could easily find someone to repair it.

        As for the business ethics - it's not that Apple, Google, Facebook, etc. are better.... it looks a Silicon Valley issue.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          @AC

          Nope. That would be giving Windows too much credit, because both vehicles, especially the Beetle, are super-reliable and simple - the Beetle has even been called "the most hackable car"[1].

          Windows is exactly like those shitty Korean Hyundai and Kia econoboxes - parts are available and cheap, et al, but are as stable in crashes as a wafer, and when they incorporate electronics, things quickly become a mess (think the Windows Registry).

          @Claverhouse

          Apple isn't like a luxury sedan. And by luxury sedan, I mean the older ones, built to a standard, not to a price.

          Apple in the present day is more like Genesis (the Hyundai attempt at copying Toyota's Lexus and Honda's Acura)[2]. Inflated price tag, no innovation, no build quality (think impossible-to-repair sticky butterfly keyboards), and complex computer gee-whiz that only begs to fail and have you kneeling at the (Genius Bar / dealership) altar. And proprietary interfaces.

          [1]https://hackaday.com/2016/05/03/volkswagen-beetle-the-most-hackable-car/

          [2] Upon further reflection, this equally applies to many, if not most modern "luxury" cars, but Genesis is still the poster child.

          1. werdsmith Silver badge

            Have to put in here, Kias and Hyundais of the 201* era have the better of the established Fords and GMs vanilla boxes.

        2. hplasm Silver badge
          Meh

          Windows is not a Beetle

          If anything, it is a Trabant.

          Win 10 is a Trabant on fire.

          1. ibmalone Silver badge

            Re: Windows is not a Beetle

            At least the heater is working?

  6. A. Coatsworth

    "upped the "ew" quota somewhat with regard to some of the ickier elements"

    Are these ickier elements related somehow to excessive in-show advertising?

    Never watched the show, so I don't know who it really it, but it seems all the news about I have read about it in the last weeks are about gimmickier and gimmickier marketing stunts, and not about the show itself...

    1. ovation1357

      Re: "upped the "ew" quota somewhat with regard to some of the ickier elements"

      It's safe to say that there's a lot of product placement in this series although it's all dressed up in cool, retro, nostalgic 80's attire.

      I don't mind it so much - it gives (a Brit) me more insight into American culture - e.g. a song by Eels that I've liked for years has the lyric 'the kid in the mall works at hotdog on a stick' - thanks to Stranger Things 3 I now finally know what that is! (It looks a bit gross and extremely unhealthy).

      The "ew" factor referenced in the article definitely refers to gross-out moments involving the slimy innards of various species of mammal and not so much to the advertising IMO

      1. Def Silver badge
        Facepalm

        Re: "upped the "ew" quota somewhat with regard to some of the ickier elements"

        ...a song by Eels that I've liked for years has the lyric 'the kid in the mall works at hotdog on a stick' - thanks to Stranger Things 3 I now finally know what that is!

        Does Google not work where you live?

        1. ovation1357

          Re: "upped the "ew" quota somewhat with regard to some of the ickier elements"

          I could spend my entire life just googling lyrics by obscure artists :-D

          There's stuff I don't mind not knowing, but it's always a nice feeling too put two and two together when something else offers an explanation quite by chance.

          1. Def Silver badge
            Thumb Up

            Re: "upped the "ew" quota somewhat with regard to some of the ickier elements"

            Fair enough. :)

            I just had a vision of you pulling hair out and screaming “what is it?” at the speakers every time you heard the song.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        "it's all dressed up in cool, retro, nostalgic 80's attire"

        Which is a "product placement" itself - these shows are built not to say or tell something new, but just to sell well. And the "nostalgia effect" is one way to achieve it. Add some horror topping which is so fashionable now and you're done.

        1. Kubla Cant Silver badge

          Re: "it's all dressed up in cool, retro, nostalgic 80's attire"

          Oxymoron alert!

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: "upped the "ew" quota somewhat with regard to some of the ickier elements"

        "the kid in the mall works at hotdog on a stick"

        Sounds like Dibbler has a market for his "rat-onna-stick".

      4. Muscleguy Silver badge

        Re: "upped the "ew" quota somewhat with regard to some of the ickier elements"

        Hotdogs on a stick are not just a US thing, we have them in NZ as well. You can get hotdogs or saveloys on a stick, battered and deep fried at most chippies down under, standard fare.

        Very popular at fairs and the like as easy to eat whilst wandering about, it has a stick. Very practical food. No expanded polystyrene box and plastic fork required. The sausage is your protein and fat, the batter your carbs and the tomato sauce one of your five a day. No point trying to count the number I ate growing up. Chips to accompany are optional.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: "upped the "ew" quota somewhat with regard to some of the ickier elements"

          " Chips to accompany are optional."

          Stick in one hand, box/plate of chips in the other - how do you actually eat a chip?

          Reminds me of the English Electric "social etiquette" course for new middle managers. A formidable European lady would teach the finer points. The memorable one was how to shake hands with the Managing Director - while holding your plate and a cup/saucer of tea.

  7. Red Ted
    Stop

    Glitches

    Whilst V1 may have had programming errors in it to glitch, by the time they got to V3 there is court evidence of MS coding them in deliberately so as it threw odd errors if you installed it on Digital Research DR-DOS instead of MS-DOS.

    1. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

      Re: Glitches

      Remember this ?

      "The jobs not done until Lotus won't run!"

      Says everything you need to know about Microsoft.

      1. Dan 55 Silver badge

        Re: Glitches

        I'm not sure if that quote is real, if MS really did make DOS incompatible with 1 2 3 then people would have not upgraded or switched to PC-DOS or DR-DOS (or whatever DR-DOS was called before being called DR-DOS).

        1. Nugry Horace

          Re: Glitches

          Before DR-DOS it was called DOS Plus (and under the covers was a DOS emulator running on a CP/M kernel).

        2. Teiwaz Silver badge

          Re: Glitches

          I'm not sure if that quote is real, if MS really did make DOS incompatible with 1 2 3 then people would have not upgraded or switched to PC-DOS or DR-DOS (or whatever DR-DOS was called before being called DR-DOS).

          I think I was still messing about with BBC acorns at that time, but I do know Windows 3.11 wouldn't run on top of DR-DOS...

          1. Dan 55 Silver badge

            Re: Glitches

            I grant you they were up to all sorts of shenanigans in the 90s but in 1985 there was still some competition so (I'm pretty sure) they couldn't lock out software a load of businesses had.

          2. magickmark
            Alien

            Re: Glitches

            "but I do know Windows 3.11 wouldn't run on top of DR-DOS..."

            True but your could run Digital Research's "GEM" GUI, I remember it being on some of the early Amstrad PC's .

            I recall were I worked at the time we had some Amstrads with DR-DOS and GEM and we also had some BBC Model B's. When we wanted to upgrade the BBC's we told our supplier we wanted more Amstrads with GEM but what we were supplied with were some PC's (cant remember the make now, possibly Olivetti) and they had MS-DOS (v2?) and Windows v1 if I recall. We'd never heard of it and we were told that it was just like GEM.

            So there were two options:

            MS-DOS => MS-Windows

            RD-DOS => DR GEM

            At this stage of the game Digital Research seemed to be giving M$ a run for the their money, at least in the UK .

            https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Graphics_Environment_Manager

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Glitches

      You mean just like Apple tries to ensure you can't run its software on non-Apple hardware?

  8. Danny 2 Silver badge

    Binged myself ill

    I watched the new season in a day, and I'm not a big fan. 1985 was obviously better in Britain, musically at least and better monsters. It was okay. I played D&D back then (but I didn't wear shorts). Windows 3.11 was the best it ever got.

    I just made myself ill -vomit, pus and blood ill - trying to binge watch 'Too Old To Die Young' . I think I'm on episode 8 but I fell asleep so I may have to rewind when I'm better. The first episode is 133 minutes long, and could have been 33 minutes. I'm thinking the series is meant to be a high art take on the corrupt cop story, but it comes across as slow TV interspersed with sudden violence. Each episode is like a bad movie, some worse than others, but I'm guessing that is deliberate and it might piece together by the end.

    They all start with a page of warnings - "Strong Sexual Content", "Graphic Violence", "Brief Nudity", et cetera, but there is no warning about how slow it goes, or that the "Brief Nudity" will be an old gangster being murdered.

    30 Rock Quote-

    Jenna:

    Don't cry for me, Tartine. I've had a full life. Oh, the things I've seen. The first Clinton administration. The Nagano Olympics. Microsoft Windows '95. But I'm 41 now. Time to die.

    1. Trilkhai

      Re: Binged myself ill

      1985 was obviously better in Britain, musically at least and better monsters. ... Windows 3.11 was the best it ever got.

      Windows 3.1x didn't come out until 1992; Windows 1.x came out in 1985, and it definitely wasn't the best of the GUIs at the time.

      Musically speaking, I believe all of the English-speaking countries in '85 were getting a similar mix of each other's pop songs, so it's hard to say the experience was better on that count. (I have no idea what monsters you're talking about, so I can't comment about that.)

      1. Danny 2 Silver badge

        Re: Binged myself ill

        I'm fully aware when Windows came out. In 1985 I'd have still been on the Spectrum.

        In 1986 I was offered a job in a Californian record store on the strength of my Xmal Deutschland T Shirt because Americans didn't know squat about European indie music and that signified I was an expert. I had a good apprenticeship by then so I turned it down but the guy kept on phoning me asking what I thought about British bands he knew of and what bands I'd recommend.

        As to monsters, Cat Sìths, the Nuckalavee, Each-uisges and Wulvers. Plus the dreaded midge.

    2. hplasm Silver badge
      Happy

      Re: Binged myself ill

      Whew!

      Thought you had been using Bing for a minute...

  9. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

    At least it doesn't 'Phone Home'

    every time you do something

    That's about the only thing going for it.

    OTOH it isn't Windows 10 which is a HUGE plus in my eyes.

  10. Nugry Horace

    These days, of course, we can do better than EGA resolution for our Windows 1.x screenshots.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      It was possible even back then with the very expensive IBM 8514 adapter that could only be installed in an (expensive) IBM MCA machine...

  11. Paul Hovnanian Silver badge

    It was all explained ...

    ... in the novel "Einstein's Bridge".

  12. Suricou Raven

    We are in the crazy universe.

    In the sensible one, most people are running OS/2.

    1. Willie T

      Re: We are in the crazy universe.

      Sorry but I ran OS/2 Server as a plant LAN admin for 2 years. As soon as I was allowed I "sensibly" switched to Netware. And eventually, when NT 3.51 was available as a server O/S, we migrated to that. All the application support & GUI goodness (& a bit more buggy than Netware) but infinitely more stable than the crap-tastic OS/2.

  13. RegGuy1

    Netflix, however, has rated the show "15".

    Out of?

  14. largefile

    Just for the Microsoft haters who have been hating so consistently all these years on The Register. Microsoft's market capitalization is at 1.03 trillion US dollars and they are the most valuable company in the world. Oh man.....all these years of hating have done nothing but put Satya at the top to reinvent Microsoft. Your great grandchildren will probably be using Microsoft products and technology.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      And mafias of various kinds are now running most large countries, including China, Russia and the US. Unsure what your intended message was about MS being a winner, but winning doesn't have any relationship with quality, merit, vision or any of these positive attributes. Most likely the opposite these days.

      "Your great grandchildren will probably be using Microsoft products and technology."

      What technology did MS invent exactly?

      1. largefile

        I just find it delightfully ironic that for all the hating done in The Reg, all the prognostication of demise over the years (yes, go back and check it out) that Microsoft would be THE most valuable company in the world today must really sting a bit. I'm ok with it because I own enough shares of MSFT stock to retire if I don't live too extravagantly. I'll just piss away my days in my power recliner reading your venomous posts on my current Surface Book 2 which BTW is the finest laptop I've ever owned....and I've had a lot of them.

        Cheers!

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Again winning means nothing to those of us with values. Trump may win again in 2020. He's still an evil narcissist idiot that destroys the world he inherited and benefited from.

          Enjoy your mafia-funded retirement. Some of us have values and live by them, that's all. :)

    2. werdsmith Silver badge

      Hating Microsoft Windows is just fashionable.

      Of all the different OSes I use every day, the company laptop is Windows 10 and I wouldn't even know it because I just start my application and use it.

    3. Maventi

      > Microsoft's market capitalization is at 1.03 trillion US dollars and they are the most valuable company in the world.

      And how exactly does that benefit the average end user?

      FWIW the same goes for Apple, Google, et al with their respective platforms.

  15. Timmy B Silver badge
    Trollface

    "hideous mish-mash of ancient operating system and GUI, held together with spit and duct tape"

    That's your Linux that is....

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Ancient compared to the OS that still uses 'C:' as the label for the root filesystem?

      1. werdsmith Silver badge

        You can't deny that shit is shit because something else is also shit.

      2. GruntyMcPugh Silver badge

        @AC So, C: ,... /, ....

        SYS$SYSTEM is where it's at ; -)

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