Uptight and in the groove baby
I am fairly sure no computer or other mechanical contrivance has officially taken over any of my intimate personal moments, my wife would notice immediately.
Old farts will complain that the days of actually looking someone in the eyes while communicating are over thanks to digital technology and mobile phones. But they could not be more wrong, because Apple has figured out how to fake intimacy in this era of dead-eyed digital interaction: by adjusting your eyeballs to look as …
"I am fairly sure no computer or other mechanical contrivance has officially taken over any of my intimate personal moments, my wife would notice immediately."
I have no doubt that she would notice - the more important question is would she complain about it?
"That's right, computers have officially taken over even your most intimate, personal moments and are adjusting them to make you feel better, you hapless clumps of sinew and bone."
I don't use FaceTime or other video chat programs outside of work, so computers haven't taken that over from me at all.
Surely this just the first step. Soon can it make our eyes glow red if it detects we're angry, or make them larger if we're saying 'please' a lot. Then, can I have lasers fire out, or change to cat eyes, fake tears when I'm supposed to be moved by the other persons sob story.
I don't know about the eagles, but "Hall of Heads" from They Might Be Giants springs to mind...
Here in the hall of heads
You look through the keyhole
This is the hall of heads
One step through the doorway
Roll out that special head
This is our favorite one
Please don't try to leave
Don't leave the hall of heads
That nice Mr Cook can look you in the eyes and tell you from his heart that:
1) There is nothing wrong with the keyboard of your £2500 2019 MacBook Pro [engage stern look].
2) The battery of your £2,500 2017 laptop is perfectly ok and that the recall is purely a precautionary measure [add extra sincerity].
3) Your 13" MacBook Pro battery does not really expand in its bay .. that was just a bit of mischief by our PR department [slight chuckle, eyelid creasing].
4) Everything that might have gone wrong with your laptop is down to Jonny Ive and that we have unfortunately had to let him go [anxiety coupled with sincere empathy]
We can all go back to looking at whatever while on the phone, without feeling obligated to attempt to maintain eye contact with whoever is on the other side. Sure you can call me on FaceTime, just don't expect me to stop bingewatching reruns of The Avengers*.
*) no, not the comic superheroes - the ones with miss Rigg doing high kicks. Now there's marvels!
I think it was on my first trip to Vegas around the turn of the century when I came across a slot machine that looked at me. It had a large screen with a beautiful young woman. The machine tracked me as I walked across the floor, and adjusted the image to show her looking directly at me. Now of course this was just a sequence of static images, and her view only adjusted horizontally, but still it got your attention, which is all the casino cares about.
But no, I did not feed her.
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