back to article Sputnik? No, comrade, this is Spunknik: Frozen sperm manages to survive zero-grav in this totally realistic test

Humans may be able to colonize space after all, as a new study shows frozen sperm seems to be unaffected by the effects of microgravity. Scientists from Dexeus Women's Health, a gynecology and reproductive health clinic in Barcelona, Spain, and the Polytechnic University of Barcelona, sent ten samples of frozen sperm aboard a …

  1. cat_mara
    Paris Hilton

    So, where's the Paris ang-- uh, never mind...

  2. Mark 85 Silver badge

    So they haven't tested female eggs yet? As I recall it takes two to tango and for offspring.. opposite sexes. That's actual sexes, not orientation or self-identification.

    1. AMBxx Silver badge

      Beat me to it. Seems to me that it would make sense to take some harvested eggs along too and whatever gear you need for IVF. Still leaves the problem of the condition of the rest of the lady's plumbing until we manage to do the whole birth thing outside a human.

      1. jake Silver badge

        "Beat me to it."

        Come again?

        1. MyffyW Silver badge

          One could argue that taking actual women into space (along with the frozen jism) would be the most efficient method (albeit without the interesting possibility of a zero-g shag).

          Getting a sample of the little swimmers is pretty straightforward whereas harvesting ones eggs is rather more complicated.

          1. TRT Silver badge

            Or, indeed, frozen zygotes ready for implantation.

            1. Danny Boyd

              Into the green men?

              1. TRT Silver badge

                If you like. I was hoping for a Dr Who reference.

    2. Flywheel Silver badge
      Alien

      You're not thinking outside the box. Depending on the planet, there could probably be some amazing cross-species breeding opportunities.

      Obligatory John Cooper Clarke reference.

      1. Jon Blund

        But...these are gynecologists, the monsters from outer space might object to being inseminated with alien sperm.

        1. phuzz Silver badge

          But if you're famous you can just grab them by the...erm...cloaca?

      2. jake Silver badge
        Pint

        I see your JCC reference ...

        ... and raise you a beer.

        Obligatory Buzzcocks reference.

  3. ArrZarr Silver badge
    Angel

    Project Hephaestus.

    You're welcome.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    With space tourism becoming more common, it's only a matter of time before the hundred-miles-high club becomes a thing...

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      In Larry Niven's novels zero-g rumpy-pumy is referred to delicately as "unearthly delights".

  5. Pascal Monett Silver badge
    FAIL

    "ten samples of frozen sperm aboard a CAP10 aircraft"

    Which means the study is useless. We have the ISS, they should have sent them up there for six months and then made their study.

    But I'm guessing it would have cost a bit more.

    1. Korev Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: "ten samples of frozen sperm aboard a CAP10 aircraft"

      Maybe they didn't have the balls for that

    2. macjules Silver badge

      Re: "ten samples of frozen sperm aboard a CAP10 aircraft"

      Are you really going to suggest that they send a Spanish astronaut up to the ISS for 6 months to get friendly with Mrs Hand and her 5 daughters ... all in the interests of science?

      1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
        Happy

        Re: "ten samples of frozen sperm aboard a CAP10 aircraft"

        I suggest a great bit of space outreach. DJ in space! They could do a breakfast show from the ISS, there could be phone-ins, competitions, it's gonna be huge!

        My suggested DJs would be Wane Carr or for a more Europop feel, Jacques Oeuf.

        1. Alister Silver badge

          Re: "ten samples of frozen sperm aboard a CAP10 aircraft"

          My suggested DJs would be Wane Carr or for a more Europop feel, Jacques Oeuf.

          Do you not remember young master (Simon) Bates on Radio One??

          1. jake Silver badge

            Re: "ten samples of frozen sperm aboard a CAP10 aircraft"

            He of the BBC playlist and the pseudo-Yank accent? I try to forget ... Thankfully, we had OtA cassette recordings of Radio Caroline to listen to. Yes, they sounded awful ... but they were still better than the pap played on the Beeb. (Except John Peel, of course. RIP.)

        2. FozzyBear Silver badge
          Happy

          Re: "ten samples of frozen sperm aboard a CAP10 aircraft"

          Oohh DJ, I thought BJ. Which meant the next sentence took on a whole different context.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Balls

    "but the frozen contents of their testes will probably be okay."

    I remember a 100 mile motorbike journey in winter without proper clothing. On arrival my balls were so frozen that I could not find them for about two hours.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Balls

      And then you found them exactly where you'd left them. Happens to blokes all the time.

  7. KittenHuffer

    When I was growing up .....

    ..... any time that I said I wanted to be an astronaut my Dad would tell me that if he hadn't been so drunk that I would have been shot into space in the first place!!!!

    1. Jimmy2Cows Silver badge

      Re: When I was growing up .....

      I hope you appreciate your Dad passing on that beautiful, touching and romantic recount of your conception.

      1. KittenHuffer

        Re: When I was growing up .....

        Oh, the wonderful things that my dear Dad used to say to me helped me become the well rounded ...... gibbering neurotic that I am today!

        The rest of it I blame on the booze and drugs!

        1. jake Silver badge

          Re: When I was growing up .....

          You certain that "blame" is the right word to use?

          1. KittenHuffer

            Re: When I was growing up .....

            Good point! Well presented!

            For the rest of it I can thank the booze and drugs!

    2. Danny Boyd
      Thumb Up

      Re: When I was growing up .....

      There was a young man of Cape Horn,

      Who wished he had never been born.

      And he wouldn't have been,

      If his father had seen

      That the end of the rubber was torn.

  8. Jon Blund
    Alien

    ?

    It would be interesting to know what they imagined might happen to frozen sperm during 160 seconds of microgravity. And the amount of EU funding burnt for what is obviously just a marketing stunt.

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: ? - just a marketing stunt

      Ah, but a cunning stunt in space.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: ? - just a marketing stunt

        Frozen sperm and Tang, all the necessities for space travel.

        1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
          Flame

          Re: ? - just a marketing stunt

          Frozen sperm and Tang, all the necessities for space travel.

          Are they hypergolic when combined?

          1. Chris G Silver badge

            Re: ? - just a marketing stunt

            Hypergoolic maybe?

          2. jake Silver badge

            Re: ? - just a marketing stunt

            Only when combined with a proper oxidizer. C'mon, IaS, you know all this! It's not exactly rocket ... oh, wait.

  9. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    Seed Ships

    & is the pilots name Hand Solo?

  10. FozzyBear Silver badge
    Happy

    If I was bounced around for almost 3 minutes in micro gravity I might have some difficulty to swimming straight and in the proper direction as well.

    Which way is up again?

  11. Danny Boyd

    In other news: scientists discovered you can make a passable Screwdriver cocktail from the frozen orange juice in microgravity, given enough vodka.

    1. jake Silver badge

      But what if you need/want a Phillips Screwdriver?

      Then you substitute Milk of Magnesia for the OJ ...

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