back to article Two Capita staffers to double up as non-exec directors, get keys to corporate biscuit barrel

Less than 0.6 per cent of Capita's workforce applied for the two non-exec director roles that afford the lucky winners – if that's the right term – a seat on the board and possibly an executive biscuit budget. The two "director employee appointments" include Lyndsey Browne, a finance manager in the Insurance Services division …

  1. steviebuk Silver badge

    And then we'll be reading

    "We are determined that the employee's perspective and increased diversity of thought are represented at board level,"

    "I thought this meant I could be open and honest. I was wrong. They just want you to say what they want to hear. If you say anything different you suddenly find your roll 'redundant' but magically see they replaced you several months later with someone else, doing same role , different title"

    Or am I being cynical?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: And then we'll be reading

      Well, you will only read that if they are a) fool enough to tell it like it is and b) smart enough to get a new job after being slapped back down.

      As to your question, is one being "cynical" when cynicism is such a battle-hardened belief system for us 99.4% plus of the droid (or in my case ex-droid) army?

  2. chivo243 Silver badge
    Trollface

    Murphy Brown

    In the US, it wasn't a cop show, she was a tv reporter. I heard there was a reboot?

    I'd love to get keys to the executive restroom! And even better, the job without the title ;-} I'd get to say "Who?Me?" "Wrong guy" more than I already do.

  3. chivo243 Silver badge
    Devil

    obviously misquoted

    fresh blood to its top table"?

    or

    fresh meat to its table top, the spokesbod was misquoted. I believe they said the board are happy to have a new kind of goat...

    1. Paul Herber Silver badge

      Re: obviously misquoted

      Much toadying required, else you get frog-marched off the premises. Should be an argument and conclusion in there somewhere.

    2. Teawain

      Re: obviously misquoted

      Can you imagine their PowerPoint presentations? (Shudders).

  4. Ken Moorhouse Silver badge

    More companies should be doing this

    I reiterate my previous view on this matter...

    https://forums.theregister.co.uk/forum/all/2018/12/06/capita_we_are_seeking_staff_to_join_our_board_just_two_please/

  5. dank_army

    Ok....

    Someone have a bad day? All I read was "rant, rant rant"

  6. macjules Silver badge

    Go on HPE

    Buy Capita for £11.7Bn and then have the main board arrested. Go on, you know you want to.

  7. lglethal Silver badge
    Facepalm

    Just curious but a finance manager and a technical project manager sound like middle management to me, no? Or in other words PHB's. Not excatly representing the workers now are they?

    1. Youngone Silver badge

      I had similar thoughts. Or, they sound ambitious. Not likely to rock the boat in their attempts to scramble up the corporate ladder.

    2. MyffyW Silver badge

      They do sound middling roles but I think they can reasonably be said to be "workers by hand or by brain". They're unlikely to have significant personal wealth or old boys networks to fall back on, so they have a stake in making this work.

      More companies should do this, over time it might break the isolated bubble that most boards seem to inhabit.

      1. phuzz Silver badge
        Meh

        Indeed. The idea is actually really good.

        On the other hand, I assume the implementation will be terrible, if it ever happens at all, and given Capita's reputation, will somehow end up costing the taxpayer. (I know this is an internal matter, but somehow they'll find a way to cost taxpayers regardless).

  8. Teawain

    :-(

    Isn't this a bit like inviting benefit claimants to become customer service supervisors for Atos? I note the absence in mention of training in the skill of buying biscuits based on three quotes and best long term sustainability, then creating something in Excel that when used, turns the lights on and off in the room.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    TV Licensing Fall Back Job

    If it doesn’t work out for them they could soon be working for the BBC's TVLicensing as enforcement officers/salesmen, for which Crapita are the sub-contractors. A life driving around council estates threatening single mum's on benefits. Crapita must be so proud of the heights they've reached, and the level of their reputation.

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Murphy and Browne, who are definitely real people...

  11. trevorde

    Corporate check box - ticked!

    Press release - done!

    Opinions - ignored!

  12. not.known@this.address Bronze badge

    Employee Representatives <> Decision Makers

    They might be at the meetings and other relevant activities, but that doesn't really mean squat.

    "We've listened to your opinions and advice and have decided to ignore it at this time" is as common a phrase in some circles as "The cheque is in the post", "That will be addressed in the next update" and "I have no recollection of that conversation, Senator"...

  13. PeterM42
    Thumb Down

    I bet....

    .....they DON'T get inflated salaries, free shares and grotesque bonus payments

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Joke

    A joke appointment really. These 2 people are already higher up in the capita chain than most employees. I wanted to see real representation of the average Capita employee. Not chartered surveyors and chartered accountants. These 2 people want nothing more than to get as far as they can in business at whatever cost. They will contribute nothing to the table from the employee side. I wanted to see 2 people in positions that were a bit lower level than these 2.

    Publicity stunt as usual to pretend to the rest of the capita employees that they are listening, when infact they are not

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Joke - People's Tribunes

      The role is like that of the Tribunes of the Plebs in Rome. It's an unfortunate fact that if they get the job without meaningful support from other employees, they might as well not be there. And the system has been carefully designed to ensure they have no support.

      Once upon a time there were things called unions which gave workers actual power. Since then inequality has increased and board pay has gone beyond any level at which anyone could pretend it's an incentive for doing anything more than spending more time with your accountants.

      All these huge companies should be broken up into reasonably sized units which have to bid for contracts individually. The fact that it is convenient for the Civil Service to have as little work in tendering and supervision as possible should be neither here nor there because at the end of the day the taxpayer is still paying for the bureaucracy no matter who it works for.

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