back to article Taylor drift: Finally, a use for AI emerges? Cyber-smut star films fsck-flick in Tesla with Autopilot, warns: 'I wouldn't recommend it'

A blue-movie actress skyrocketed to internet fame overnight this week as a video of her having sex inside a Tesla Model X on Autopilot mode went viral on Pornhub. The nine-minute clip (and, no we aren’t linking to the video, find it yourself) has a whopping 1.9m views and counting on the world's most popular porno site. You …

  1. Pete 2

    Peeks or perks?

    > If you watch the XXX vids, which we did in the interests of investigative journalism and data science,

    Yup. journalism's a dirty job. We should be thankful someone else does it on our behalf.

    1. NATTtrash
      Trollface

      Re: Peeks or perks?

      The nine-minute clip (and, no we aren’t linking to the video, find it yourself) has a whopping 1.9m views and counting on the world's most popular porno site.

      FTFY

      The nine-minute clip (and, yes we are linking to the video, so you don't have to find it yourself) has a whopping...

      1. James O'Shea
        Childcatcher

        Re: Peeks or perks?

        I have never in my life seen such filth and degradation. (Worse than Hull. Worse than Slough. Worse than [shudder] Milton Keynes.)You, sir, should be ashamed, ashamed I say, to call yourself a commentard. If only the Sainted Ms. Bee were here, she'd know what to do with the likes of you.

        1. This post has been deleted by its author

        2. Pascal Monett Silver badge

          Seconded.

          That was entirely disgusting.

          1. Paul Crawford Silver badge

            Indeed, you would have thought he would have given it up by now. Such a let down..

        3. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Peeks or perks?

          You, sir, should be ashamed, ashamed I say, to call yourself a commentard. If only the Sainted Ms. Bee were here, she'd know what to do with the likes of you.

          Does it involve leather & whipped cream?

        4. JoMe

          Re: Peeks or perks?

          I wonder if he's considered a position in the church...

      2. CliveS
        Thumb Up

        Re: Peeks or perks?

        Filth, sir, pure and unadulterated filth. You should be proud of yourself...

  2. KorndogDev

    Boyfriend???

    The video title says "tinder date".

    Anyways, does anyone know what happened to opencliparts? Down for over a week.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Boyfriend???

      tinder date is this year's "boyfriend". Next year's er... tug-line: innocent couples! You should really stay on top, HONESTLY!

      1. KorndogDev

        Re: Boyfriend???

        My fault, have not taken it out for a while...

        1. Bluto Nash

          Re: Boyfriend???

          "My fault, have not taken it out for a while..."

          Not even to pee? Eeew.

          1. Omgwtfbbqtime Silver badge

            Re: Boyfriend???

            Map of Africa.

            no takeout needed.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Boyfriend???

        I always stay on top and, as they say in my default language, "keep my hand on the pulse" (seriously!)

  3. chivo243 Silver badge
    Coat

    No link for you!

    El reg wants to keep from ending up on the wrong side of the new age verification law ;-}

    Coat, no explanation necessary.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: No link for you!

      So long as the site is less than 30% "adult content" I think they are OK.

      And there could be a simple age verification test:

      vi(m)[ ]

      emacs[ ]

      what?[ ]

      1. MiguelC Silver badge
        Flame

        Re: No link for you!

        I'd vote what? over vi and emacs because I know and have had to use them both...

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: No link for you!

        Dual purpose test. The top two certainly indicate age, but also give away some masochistic proclivities... Thus the answers confirm being over an age threshold, and give marketing preferences...

        p.s. you forgot to include edlin....

      3. Sgt_Oddball Silver badge

        Re: No link for you!

        Ain't nobody fit time for that.

        Nano works prefectly fine.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: No link for you!

          Nano needs a spell checker mate!

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: No link for you!

            nano?

            my twelve year old son is using nano.

            so that would be the obvious choos to identify the underage

      4. Andy Mac
        Pint

        Re: No link for you!

        Even an article about porn can be turned into a discussion on text editors.

        Commentards, I salute you!

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: No link for you!

          What do you mean, "even"?

      5. William Towle
        Paris Hilton

        Re: No link for you!

        > So long as the site is less than 30% "adult content" I think they are OK.

        Well known lesbian publication The Register? There might be a problem!

        // vaguely recalling https://www.theregister.co.uk/2008/05/06/indy_reg/ and subsequent references to it

  4. steve2727

    Fail...

    Seems like whatever system Tesla is using to check that hands are on the wheel can be fooled by butt cheeks...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Fail...

      Isn't it just necessary for the wheel to move slightly from time to time? Perhaps if the Earth moves relative to the wheel, that's enough. (That's enough of that - Ed.)

      I guess it's the thrusting edge of technology, or something.

  5. Starace Silver badge
    Alert

    At least it wasn't a Model 3

    If it had been then Elon would have another bit of smut for his extensive collection harvested from the interior camera.

    I'd like to say that's a joke.

    1. 404 Silver badge

      Re: At least it wasn't a Model 3

      You mean Elon knows the super-secret place you put your boogers under the seat?

      What a bastard..

      ;)

  6. jake Silver badge

    News?

    Seems to me that virtually all pr0n videos feature participants on autopilot.

  7. Alistair Dabbs

    Crash

    How was it possible not to mention JG Ballard in this story?

    1. james_smith Silver badge

      Re: Crash

      Warm leatherette ... a tear of petrol is in your eye ... let's make love before we die.

      1. jelabarre59 Silver badge

        Re: Crash

        Damn, now I'm going to have to play that one (but to choose 'tween The Normal or Grace Jones...)

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: J. G. Ballard

      Bonus (!) points for the reference, but for me, the eroticism the characters experienced in Crash didn't communicate to this reader.

  8. 45RPM

    When I were a lad the best we could hope for was a blow job from yer mates mam in yer dads Allegro. And we were grateful.

    1. Timbo

      "When I were a lad the best we could hope for was a blow job from yer mates mam in yer dads Allegro. And we were grateful."

      Luxury....we had a spit-roast with our neighbours cousin, in a Reliant Robin, doing 48 MPH, during a snowstorm on the M1, with the windows down and with broken window wipers. The heating didn't work, the car was running on red diesel, and the plastic covering on the seats tore our skin off.

      And you try telling that to the young people of today - they wouldn't believe me.

      1. WolfFan Silver badge

        You had plastic?! Luxury! We had wood! (The other wood. Pine.) It was straight from the saw mill, all splintery and sharp edges! And we didn’t have diesel, we had a steam engine, coal-fired!

        1. KillStuffMount

          Don't know you're born! Try keeping your rhythm up when you've got to pump a rail trolley and your other half at the same time.

          Lose my stroke? I nearly 'ad one!

        2. chivo243 Silver badge

          I've still got the scar from doing it with cavewoman on the back my Stegosaurus.

    2. 404 Silver badge

      Pitiful!

      I got laid in the back of a 1971 Ford Pinto... and no, it was not the hatchback version.

      ;)

      1. Chris G Silver badge

        If you're on top on the back seat of the original Mini, take your shoes off. If you don't, they squeak on the window glass.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Low flying

      Reminds me of an NTSB report on a light aircraft crash in California about 30 years ago. The aircraft was flying low over a lake and did not pull up when it reached the hills around the lake. The pilot and his female passenger were both killed. The report said that the pilot was distracted and failed to maintain clearance with the terrain.

      It also said his severed penis was found in the woman's mouth.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Low flying

        Bobbitty

  9. Timbo

    Tesla now, SpaceX next ?

    This is all well and good (and a bit dangerous too), but this can only lead to a sequel, where said couple are the first to f*ck outside Earths atmosphere (at least as far as we know/have been told) and maybe these might be the first customers for SpaceX's planned trip to the moon and back:

    https://www.spacex.com/news/2017/02/27/spacex-send-privately-crewed-dragon-spacecraft-beyond-moon-next-year

    Now that might bring in some $$$ revenue for Mr Musk on a PPV ;-)

    1. Flocke Kroes Silver badge

      Re: Tesla now, SpaceX next ?

      You found a cob-web on spacex.com. The original plan was two people in a crew dragon launched on a Falcon Heavy. Falcon Heavy will never be human rated so the new plan involves about ten people on a shiny space ship.

    2. JLV Silver badge
      Boffin

      Re: Tesla now, SpaceX next ?

      I for one have always wondered if there’s not been zero grav sex yet. The ISS has been up there for a while and has often been coed (more interested in the hetero end of things). I suppose many of the folk up have steadies back on Earth. And it’s govt-run and not exactly privacy central.

      But what’s a little sacrifice in the name of science? Or to be 1st?

      Has anybody kissed and told?

      1. MrXavia

        Re: Tesla now, SpaceX next ?

        I seem to remember reading about one porn film that used the vomit comet to film zero g sex scenes....

        I would not be surprised if some of the ISS crew has engaged in coitus in free-fall, at some point there will need to be a full study done if we're to leave this planet for any length of time.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Tesla now, SpaceX next ?

      They won't be the first. James and Holly famously did it in 1979.

  10. sbt Silver badge

    "We're not holding our breath..."

    That's a different kind of autoerotica.

  11. applebyJedi

    I was shocked

    Did you see that video!

    A couple of times the driver was clearly speeding and there was no protection; where were the seatbelts??!!??

    Children could have been watching.

    1. Ken Shabby Bronze badge
      Holmes

      Re: I was shocked

      very nearly rear-ended too...

      1. Jonathan Richards 1
        Facepalm

        Re: I was shocked

        ..where were the traffic cops? Should have been pulled over and told to come quietly.

  12. Hero Protagonist
    Paris Hilton

    Its about time

    It was long ago observed that the Models S, 3, X, and Y together spell S3XY (alternatively, write the 3 as III turned sideways as in the TESLA logo)

    1. imanidiot Silver badge

      Re: Its about time

      The only reason it's called the model 3 and not the model E is because there is a different car manufacturer laying claim to the model E name (Ford Motor Company).

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Earlier this year I was on a road trip with my boyfriend,

    my film crew, his film crew, our sponsors' film crew, his lawyers, mine, theirs, plus a fleet of 12 catering trucks

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Earlier this year I was on a road trip with my boyfriend,

      You are Bear Grylls AICM£5

  14. Marketing Hack Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    Maybe they should use this video in drivers ed and traffic school classes!!

    Revolutionary! Far more likely to incite attention than the usual "Speeding: The Decapitation of James G" videos they show in those classes.

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Should have had something about Wankel engines

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      AutoPilot is AI, right? So surely we can squeeze in a *deep* learning joke somewhere.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Deep

        I know of a company who sell a program by the name “Deep Analytics”. The developers just call it “Ytics”.

        1. JLV Silver badge
          Trollface

          Re: Deep

          odd. ‘Ytics’ seems precisely the part that would get dropped.

        2. Ken Moorhouse Silver badge

          Re: “Ytics”.

          Is this a euphemism for crabs?

    2. james_smith Silver badge

      Are you embarrassed easily?

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Wankel

      Looked more like a two-stroke to me.

  16. Sanguma Bronze badge

    Easy part

    "Most of the highway we were on was straight." quoth Taylor Jackson

    I take it they're not intending to do the same on the road from Glasgow to Inverness any time soon ... or the road from Greymouth to Rangiora ...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Easy part

      Anybody trying it on the Hardknott and Wrynose pass could certainly expect a hard knock and a bent nose or two.

      1. x 7

        Re: Easy part

        and a few humps in the road

  17. Ken Shabby Bronze badge

    Emission testing

    Is getting out of hand

    1. James O'Shea

      Re: Emission testing

      The emissions part seems to be working perfectly.

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Coming over in the Tesla

    We'll be coming right over... ...the seats, the dash, the steering wheel, possibly even the headliner on a good day. Yuck.

    Resale value of used Teslas just nose-dived.

    We'll need to wear hazmat suits, just like Top Gear's Richard Hammond after his old BMW was examined by Manlove forensics. You may Google it if you need a laugh.

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    American Gods

    Have they not read/seen Niel Gaiman's cautionary tale about moving-car sex-shenanigans ?!?

  20. StuntMisanthrope

    #uptime

    Not that I've been counting, but I'm sure some of the older starlets, have quite impressive stats. #bootydays

    1. My-Handle

      Re: #uptime

      Well that's something to look forward to at the end of the work day, getting in to my 22 year old starlet and taking her for a ride ;)

  21. Pascal Monett Silver badge
    Thumb Down

    "I wouldn't recommend it"

    Yet, you still posted the video.

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

      1. jake Silver badge

        Re: "I wouldn't recommend it"

        You've got a lot of damn gaul, making statements like that!

  22. FozzyBear Silver badge
    Gimp

    "We're not holding our breath..."

    Whatever you are holding, you can keep that to yourself!

  23. clintos
    Devil

    policy enforcers enroute...

    ...to your door, they will take your particulars down and create a rest for you both, for not abiding by their legal rules, not law, rules. also beware the cuffs will be on and you will bend over for them, or the judge. these sad masters will lock you up and keep the key, for afters.

  24. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
    Facepalm

    I see a Darwin award coming

    Wouldn't it be the height of irony if some couple kills themselves (but hopefully no innocent bystanders) whilst trying to procreate in a driving car?

    The stupidity and recklessness of such an act is beyond belief. These people should be locked away in our planet's stone age and told to evolve into more responsible beings

    Doffs hat at the late, great Douglas Adams.

    1. Sanguma Bronze badge
      FAIL

      Re: I see a Darwin award coming

      Your wish is my command" - behold:

      https://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2000-21.html

      (7 May 2000, Italy) Full speed ahead!

      A young couple was killed in a freak car accident in Chieti this weekend. Germano and Franciska were discovered almost completely naked, and investigators assume they were having sex in their small Italian vehicle while it raced along Abruzzan roads at upwards of 80mph. Italian youngsters commonly use their cars for romantic trysts when parents forbid sex before marriage. But it is a mystery why this pair chose sex in a car travelling at high speeds over country roads. Germano lost control of the car in a bend, and the 27-year old man and his 20-year-old paramour were killed by the impact.

      Don't fear the reaper ...

      1. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

        Re: I see a Darwin award coming

        Amazing! I was actually thinking of an autopilot or similar AI driven vehicle. No artificial intelligence was involved in this case (nor was any of the natural sort, apparently).

    2. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: I see a Darwin award coming

      In Blighty several drivers (particularly bikers from the cases I remember) have been done for speeding / dangerous driving for posting online videos of themselves being so dangerously stupid.

      There was a thing a few years ago of posting Youtube videos of yourself doing stupid speeds on public roads. Often at night as you can't do 150mph on the M25 normally...

      Anyway PC Plod was using the self-published evidence in court. As this is clear evidence of dangerous driving (don't know what the equivalent US offence would be), and the identity of the offenders is pretty clear as well - I'd expect them to get a visit from the boys in blue if this hit the headlines over here. Would that be as likely in the US?

  25. Noonoot

    What on earth is in the photo?

    You've used a photo that looks like someone's crusty balding head?

    Yuk - one reason NOT to watch the video

    1. Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

      Re: What on earth is in the photo?

      Crusty balding head? What on earth kind of STI gives those symptoms?

      Please don't tell me

      1. MJB7 Silver badge

        Re: What on earth is in the photo?

        Old age - sexually transmitted and 100% fatal (in the long run).

  26. anthonyhegedus Silver badge

    Surely there’s a simpler way

    Wouldn’t it just be simpler to have a bigger car, a chauffeur driving it and the man and his girlfriend/tinder date/prostitute can then copulate in the back, in comfort and safety?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Surely there’s a simpler way

      Wouldn’t it just be simpler to have a bigger car, a chauffeur driving it and the man and his girlfriend/tinder date/prostitute can then copulate in the back, in comfort and safety?

      Or perhaps a time machine driven by a madman. But what happens when you conceive in the vortex?

      1. Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

        Re: Surely there’s a simpler way

        "But what happens when you conceive in the vortex?"

        You could end up being your own grandparent

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Surely there’s a simpler way

      "Drive around Regent's Park till I ask you to stop."

      Heard at least once by every black cab driver.

      1. jake Silver badge

        Re: Surely there’s a simpler way

        And what has been heard at least once by every white cab driver?

        1. Alistair Silver badge
          Windows

          Re: Surely there’s a simpler way

          Drive widdershins around Regent Park till I ask you to stop.

        2. This post has been deleted by its author

  27. 2Blockchainz

    Never Tesla employees

    Maybe coincidental, but I cannot find news stories of Tesla employees demonstrating recklessly high levels of confidence in their autopilot software.

    By showing such disregard for life, I support an investigation of the incident. It might seem like innocent fun, but the fact remains that 40k Americans died on the road last year, and the rest of us have to bear rising insurance premiums due to others irresponsibility.

    1. x 7

      Re: Never Tesla employees

      I never reaslised Americans had car insurance.......so health insurance isn't compulsory but car insurance is?

      Weird country

  28. 9Rune5 Silver badge
    Gimp

    Autobahn

    I bet those guys would get even more views if they repeated this on the autobahn while chugging along at the Tesla's maximum rated speed. Anything less than that is child's play.

    Not that I'm hoping they will end up with a Darwin award or similar...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Autobahn

      I think the point about Teslas is rather than they don't chug.

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Going to happen more and more.

    With more auto-pilot and completely autonomous modes coming available, people are going to do other things while the car moves between point a and b. Sex, Porn, Gaming, Sleeping, etc... All are going to become commonplace in the future.

    Though... Tesla sounds like they specifically want this.

    Model - S

    Model - 3

    Model - X

    Model - Y

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Disappointing

    Maybe when she posts the police interrogation it will be more, um, interesting.

  31. x 7

    In space next?

    Where Tesla leads, Spacex follows

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