back to article Easter is approaching – and British pr0n watchers still don't know how long before age-gates come into force

Porn-watchers and providers are being kept in the dark over when age checks for access to online smut will come into force, as the government remains schtum about the already delayed roll-out. The reforms, which will require visitors to adult websites to prove they are over 18 before they can gain access, were originally due …

  1. Sooty

    how about a simpler system

    If i can pass the credit checks and age checks required to get an internet connection, then i must be over 18. Then just make it clear i'm responsible for deciding what various people watch on my connection.

    it'll make things much simpler, and remind parents that they are responsible for their kids viewing habits, not the government.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: how about a simpler system

      @Sooty

      I would have thought that Soo, Sweep and your good self would be long past looking at Pr0n

      1. caffeine addict Silver badge

        Re: how about a simpler system

        If I was less mature (or if it was Friday) I'd have made a joke about Soo having a fist up her.

        Luckily, I'm not.

      2. BinkyTheMagicPaperclip Silver badge

        Re: how about a simpler system

        71 year olds still like a bit of slap and tickle, and Sooty looks great for his age.

      3. MonkeyCee Silver badge
        Facepalm

        Re: how about a simpler system

        Nonsense, Sooty, Sweep et al are in all sorts of porn.

        There's even an icon for some Sooty face sitting, as demonstrated.

    2. katrinab Silver badge

      Re: how about a simpler system

      Anyone who is in possession of a £10 note can exchange it for a PAYG SIM with internet access.

      1. DuncanLarge Bronze badge

        Re: how about a simpler system

        But not a landline. The OP is talking about landlines.

        Mobile providers disable access to adult sites unless you prove your age by having a credit card. Hence I have no access to such sites on my phone as I cant be assed to give them my details (considering last time I did it they charged £2 to my card and failed to remove the blocks).

        1. TheProf
          Pint

          Re: how about a simpler system

          Not just 'adult' sites. I couldn't access a cocktail recipe* site because it was age restricted. I went into the telecom shop and they removed the restriction while I waited. (I think it was Vodafone.)

          *Not that I drink cocktails. I was asking for a friend who has 'exotic' tastes.

          1. 's water music Silver badge

            Re: how about a simpler system

            [removing adult content block for a 'friend' with 'exotic tastes']

            I'm still struggling to work out where the cocktail site came into this. Metaphors are hard.

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: how about a simpler system

              "'friend' with 'exotic tastes'

              "cocktail"

              An overly elaborate fashion statement?

          2. Paul Hovnanian Silver badge

            Re: how about a simpler system

            "Not just 'adult' sites. I couldn't access a cocktail recipe"

            Even worse, a cocktail in Scunthorpe.

          3. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

            Re: how about a simpler system

            *Not that I drink cocktails. I was asking for a friend who has 'exotic' tastes.

            Sounds like a cock and bull story

        2. sebbb

          Re: how about a simpler system

          But with a PAYG SIM I can fire up a VPN/use a proxy and say goodbye to provider's restrictions. C'mon, teens nowadays do these things like breathing.

          1. DontFeedTheTrolls
            Headmaster

            Re: how about a simpler system

            But with a PAYG SIM I can fire up a VPN/use a proxy and say goodbye to provider's restrictions

            FIFY

          2. Alfred

            Re: how about a simpler system

            "teens nowadays do these things like breathing"

            A small number of them do. I find the majority of them are by no means the internet and technology savvy digital natives the media get so breathless about.

            1. Suricou Raven

              Re: how about a simpler system

              This is true. Of course us thirty-somethings would have assumed we would have a generation who understood everything about computers now - we grew up on the micros and early PCs, a time when you couldn't use a computer without an intimate knowledge of the internal workings. If you wanted something done, you'd likely have to throw together a little software yourself. We didn't anticipate the way in which software usability would advance to the point that anyone could operate it without the slightest idea of how anything actually works - and most people are perfectly happy with that. They want to use computers to achieve a goal, not as a goal in themselves.

          3. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

            Re: how about a simpler system

            "But with a PAYG SIM I can fire up a VPN/use a proxy and say goodbye to provider's restrictions. C'mon, teens nowadays do these things like breathing."

            Go into any school IT technicians room, especially at lunchtime, and there's a constant stream of kids coming in who have forgotten their passwords, lost files, accidentally deleted files, had their passwords stolen buy other kids and any number of other "schoolboy error" they need help with. They know how to swipe their touch screens and use their apps, but you vastly overestimate the technical ability and common sense of school children. If it doesn't "just work", most of them will give up and move onto something that does "just work".

            1. Dr Dan Holdsworth Silver badge
              Pint

              Re: how about a simpler system

              In the land of the unclued, the kid who can get access to porn will have something of a money-making proposition on his hands. Indeed a chap I knew years ago started out upon a long entrepreneurial career renting out printing porn to his classmates, and even learned independently about the wisdom of charging both a deposit and a rental fee (in case of any unwanted deposits).

              Teenagers are effectively hard-wired to seek out the company of whichever sex takes their fancy, and in the absence of willing partners, images thereof will do nicely. Teenagers are also not fully mentally mature and are not at all above breaking a few laws for rewards like this, so I would wager that many a playground porn empire will be born this way, and also that Opera Mobile will see a quite staggering increase in market share.

      2. DontFeedTheTrolls
        Boffin

        Re: how about a simpler system

        "Anyone who is in possession of a £10 note can exchange it for a PAYG SIM with internet access"

        Any PAYG SIM I've had blocked access to "Adult" content until unlocked through an age verification process. Gambling is one of those blocked categories, never could understand why anyone would want porn on such a small screen.

        1. Rameses Niblick the Third Kerplunk Kerplunk Whoops Where's My Thribble? Silver badge

          Re: how about a simpler system

          never could understand why anyone would want porn on such a small screen

          I suppose the "under endowed" would feel less threatened?

        2. Simon Harris Silver badge
          Coat

          Re: how about a simpler system

          never could understand why anyone would want porn on such a small screen.

          While those of us who've been watching porn for years need a big screen to still be able to see anything.

          Mine's the one with the glasses in the pocket --->

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: how about a simpler system

      They just need a properly-themed captcha on these sites, e.g. "select all pictures showing what happens when bored stepmoms are home with their stepsons".

      That's do it.

    4. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Re: how about a simpler system

      it'll make things much simpler, and remind parents that they are responsible for their kids viewing habits, not the government.

      A novel idea... make parents take responsibility for the actions of their children. However, we're way beyond that as most parents haven't a clue where their kids are at any given time, much less what they are doing.

      The world has changed since I was young lad and not for the better.

      1. CountCadaver

        Re: how about a simpler system

        Heck the USAins have "Its 9 o clock do YOU know where YOUR children are?"

        Roll that out on uk telly and it might focus a few minds, though for many of the chavvier parents they would end up hitting the telly and yelling about "whats this shite" "who cares" "no my job"

        1. Mark 85 Silver badge

          Re: how about a simpler system

          That campaign hasn't worked to well here in the States. Seems the kids say "I'm off to visit X" and go where they want. Often "X" uses the same excuse to their parents so the kids end up wherewever.

    5. Anne-Lise Pasch

      Re: how about a simpler system

      Here's a simple system: introduce a new top level domain for adult content, make it free to register, and put global-endorsed legislation in place that all adult content* must be hosted in that TLD. Then anyone who wants to block adult content... can.

      * content defined as elements of a page with adult content in it, not the page itself. (Thus existing domains are unaffected.) Some thought needed for cross-domain policies.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: how about a simpler system

        Awesome idea but far from simple, unless I've massively missed the joke.

        "global-endorsed legislation" feels like a unicorn riding a rainbow.

        defining "adult content" feels like the unicorn's twin.

      2. Suricou Raven

        Re: how about a simpler system

        That was actually considered maybe twelve years ago, with .xxx. It got very political, in the US, with a lot of concerns that ICANN was being pressured by the Department of Commerce on behalf of the federal government. It didn't succeed.

        The porn industry opposed it: They were concerned it would create an 'internet ghetto' where their content would be walled off and widely blocked by default.

        The religious right, who were very powerful back then (This being during Bush II's term), opposed it - because they thought having a government-endorsed place on the internet for porn would legitimize it. They wanted to ban it completely, not create a new place specially for it. Also they were concerned that even if .xxx were made, sites would have no reason to close their old domains down and lose the established traffic.

        The only group that actually supported it was the registrar who was spending a lot of money lobbying for the approval of .xxx, as they hoped to make a great deal more selling domains.

      3. veti Silver badge

        Re: how about a simpler system

        Hello, welcome to the Internet. You must be new here.

        (If you think that's "simple"...)

  2. lansalot

    Oh no...

    This will be a sad day when it comes into effect... please, someone pass the tissues.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Oh no...

      You can have them once I'm finished with them first...

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Oh no...

        I've always suspected the Reg readers are mostly a bunch of wankers. The comments on these types of stories confirms that.

        1. Tom 38 Silver badge

          Re: Oh no...

          There are two kinds of people in the world, those who masturbate and those who lie to themselves about not masturbating.

          1. Steve Button

            Re: Oh no...

            and women.

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: Oh no...

              And you think that women don't?

              Not all the toys bought can be for hen nights.

              1. Graham Dawson
                Coat

                Re: Oh no...

                Surely they would mistressbate.

        2. Mark 85 Silver badge

          Re: Oh no...

          I've always suspected the Reg readers are mostly a bunch of wankers. The comments on these types of stories confirms that.

          And your point is?????

        3. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Oh no...

          A tedious joke from a tedious man

    2. Symon Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: Oh na...

      ..nism.

    3. This post has been deleted by its author

  3. Turnip McFondleballs

    asking for a friend

    I heard that several mind geek sites have recently displayed an age verification banner instead of the requested onanistic media when accessed via a web proxy if the Euro server is selected but not when another region server is selected. Sometimes it works fine via the Euro server, my source tells me..

    1. katrinab Silver badge

      Re: asking for a friend

      They offer their own VPN service

      https://www.theregister.co.uk/2018/05/29/smut_site_offers_vpn_so_you_dont_bare_all_online/

  4. tiggity Silver badge

    A good way to increase traffic

    .. to sites much further down the search engine rankings if BFFC will be mainly tackling the "most popular" sites

    Those few teens keen to find content without tor, tunneling, VPN use etc (which could look rather incriminating if their parents check their electronic devices) will be quite capable of using serach engines to find sites nestling in the backwaters of the internet.

  5. mark l 2 Silver badge

    These rules are never going to work. Considering that kids will still be able to do a images or video search on Google and come back with tons of smut without needing any age checks shows how ineffective it will be. Kids will always find ways of getting hold of porn. When I was a kid we used to steal magazine and videos from our parents, uncles, older brothers collections and pass them around at school. And once around 12 or 13 we found a load of magazines thrown in the bin around the back of the local shops.

    What this new law will probably achieve is to close down some UK based independent sites who will find that their new subscribers numbers drop through the floor after these checks are brought in as customers are put off signing up.

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

    2. veti Silver badge

      What the laws will do is create a market for ways to circumvent the restrictions.

      Who do you think lobbied for the laws in the first place?

  6. notamole
    FAIL

    Tor-ing their hair out

    Tor becomes more secure and private the more people use it, so the government is basically screwing GCHQ and the NSA in favour of imposing their morality on everyone else.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Tor-ing their hair out

      "Tor becomes more secure and private the more people use it,"

      TOR has been demonstrated several times to be vulnerable to the security services. If you analyse enough end points you can correlate traffic for a start.

      1. Gordon861

        Re: Tor-ing their hair out

        The problem is as more people start using TOR the traffic the gov really want to monitor will get lost amongst the general porn traffic. It'll be a bigger crowd to hide in.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Tor-ing their hair out

          "the gov really want to monitor will get lost amongst the general porn traffic"

          They will just monitor more of it. The UK security services for instance already directly monitor high bandwidth TOR servers via ISP / Colo taps.

      2. RedCardinal

        Re: Tor-ing their hair out

        and you think the bbfc will be able to do this lol

    2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: Tor-ing their hair out

      "Tor becomes more secure and private the more people use it,"

      Does every user become an exit point too? If not, then a sudden rush to Tor might just break it, or slow down some of the exit points.

  7. Ian Emery Silver badge

    Pron watches will be loathe to fight back, unlike FarceBook, so obviously lets go for bare boobs and ignore Jihadi videos and Russian propaganda.

    In fact, lets ban everything, and make the whole country sit down for compulsory "Watch with Big Mother" government approved propaganda every evening.

    Repeat failures to comply will be classified as terrorist acts and the people so labelled will be shot at dawn - if we can afford the bullets.

    1. 's water music Silver badge

      pr0nz watchers fighting back

      Watch out for the right hook. Could pack some power

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      "Pron watches"

      ? is that a type of smart watch - I assume it runs WearOS to be able to use the wrist movement based gesture control!

      1. Gio Ciampa

        I assume it runs WearOS

        ... WankOS surely?

  8. Dr Dan Holdsworth Silver badge
    FAIL

    Once again, this is a government trumpeting its incompetence

    Well, we've seen it with Brexit and now we're seeing it again; our politicians are basically not capable of the job for which they were elected, which is to serve the electorate which elected them.

    Free VPN software is widely available, and some of it is even free of Chinese malware and snooping. Usenet isn't yet being filtered, and numerous other technologies also look set to bypass the porn ban. Really all this is doing is teaching a new generation that the government is not their friend, but is instead an obstructive but exceptionally stupid agency that generally tries and fails to get in their way.

    Furthermore they are being taught that laws only matter if you get caught; if you can circumvent them then they do not actually matter. This is basically a really, really idiotic thing to teach a new generation, since they are quite likely to generalise this in future and do their best to dodge taxes in future (especially if the future holds a succession of pseudo-Marxist nitwit Prime Ministers).

    1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

      Re: Once again, this is a government trumpeting its incompetence

      Yes, the legislation is useless for curbing porn, but it will give the government some useful tools for backdoor action. In unrelated cases, of course. Much like when anti-terrorism legislation was used to sequester the assets of Icelandic banks after the financial crisis, banks that had been approved by the UK regulator.

      1. Justin Case
        Coat

        Re: Once again, this is a government trumpeting its incompetence

        You said

        >>tools for backdoor action

        Sorry.

    2. Teiwaz Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: Once again, this is a government trumpeting its incompetence

      Well, we've seen it with Brexit and now we're seeing it again; our politicians are basically not capable of the job for which they were elected, which is to serve the electorate which elected them

      Since the public keep voting the same failures back in, term after term on the basis of the same broken promises, businessy suits and PR programmed gestures and speeches, it seems the electorate are basically not capable of looking after themselves either.

      Which is a great catch all excuse for invasive government. "You voted us in every time you got the option, so clearly you need watching for your own good".

      Great, now I've depressed myself...

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Once again, this is a government trumpeting its incompetence

        While I agree, I don't think the alternatives to our Government are much good either.

        I'm personally looking forward to the AI's taking over.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Once again, this is a government trumpeting its incompetence

          "I'm personally looking forward to the AI's taking over."

          Ahhh....the "let's make the problem significantly smaller approach".

          That you Arnie?

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Once again, this is a government trumpeting its incompetence

        >Since the public keep voting the same failures back in, term after term on the basis of the same broken promises, businessy suits and PR programmed gestures and speeches, it seems the electorate are basically not capable of looking after themselves either.

        Until we get a "None of the above" option that forces a rerun with different candidates, we are stuck voting for those selected by the parties or willing/rich enough to pay the deposit themselves. In many cases, it is a case of "least bad" rather than actual good.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Once again, this is a government trumpeting its incompetence

          "Until we get a "None of the above" option that forces a rerun with different candidates, we are stuck voting for those selected by the parties or willing/rich enough to pay the deposit themselves. In many cases, it is a case of "least bad" rather than actual good."

          And after five or six reruns, where each rerun results in a drop in voter turnout, you eliminate the moderates and end up with each parties respective idiot.

          While we often condemn politicians for their absurd views, don't doubt that there is worse out there. As demonstrated by local government politics.

        2. BinkyTheMagicPaperclip Silver badge

          Re: Once again, this is a government trumpeting its incompetence

          Two referenda ago, the British public voted by an overwhelming and unarguable majority (i.e. one significantly greater than the last referendum) to keep the current voting system.

          Only a third of the voting public wanted something else, so 'None of the above' is pointless. The public wants 'strong parties' and least worst choices, they do not want consensus politics and minority parties.

          1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

            Re: Once again, this is a government trumpeting its incompetence

            The public wants 'strong parties' and least worst choices, they do not want consensus politics and minority parties.

            You've fallen into the referendum interpretation trap. I know several people voted in that referendum to keep the status quo but only because they didn't want a halfway system. Still, it had the advantage of being a clear policy choice.

            No one reallly knows why people vote the way they do, often not even the people themselves.

            1. BinkyTheMagicPaperclip Silver badge

              Re: Once again, this is a government trumpeting its incompetence

              Sure, but that's not the way that politics or most of life works. You reach your destination through intermediate steps and halfway systems.

              Either way it was a strong vote for the status quo, and that's what we continue to get.

          2. Teiwaz Silver badge

            Re: Once again, this is a government trumpeting its incompetence

            The public wants 'strong parties' and least worst choices, they do not want consensus politics and minority parties.

            The 'strong parties' seem to be fracturing into a series of 'worst choices', with not much sign of even consensus.

            It turns out 'consensus' was something our MPs needed to learn how to do.

        3. Simon Harris Silver badge

          Re: Once again, this is a government trumpeting its incompetence

          "In many cases, it is a case of "least bad" rather than actual good."

          Happened to see Live at the Apollo last night with comedian Geoff Norcott comparing the situation where we have to choose between the least bad of two crap parties as like being waterboarded, but with the choice of still or sparkling water.

  9. Dr U Mour

    Sex, Drugs Rock n Roll

    Peer review evidence based policy - Wev'e heard of it

    1. veti Silver badge

      Re: Sex, Drugs Rock n Roll

      Have you? Can you point to an actual example, anywhere in the world?

  10. Mr Dogshit

    Think of the children!

    Won't somebody think of the children?!

    1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

      Re: Think of the children!

      …is the rallying cry of anyone crafting repressive legislation.

  11. Mr Benny

    So kids can still watch people being blown to bits, murdered and tortured on various sites...

    ... not to mention simulated in games, but god forbid they should see some tits or arse! You ever get the feeling that some serious priority shifting is required amongst politicians?

    1. Teiwaz Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: So kids can still watch people being blown to bits, murdered and tortured on various sites...

      ... not to mention simulated in games, but god forbid they should see some tits or arse! You ever get the feeling that some serious priority shifting is required amongst politicians?

      Even without a government desperate for votes from lunatic fringe extremists or just that way inclined, can't have government teaching it's young citizens to be pacifists or the idea that love is better than war.

      plus, think of the impact on the NHS for cases of blindness and hairy palms....

    2. veti Silver badge

      Re: So kids can still watch people being blown to bits, murdered and tortured on various sites...

      In case you hadn't noticed, children are not allowed to buy many of those games either. And the sites are usually blocked as soon as someone notices them, not just for kids but for everyone.

      Porn is different because a lot of people *do* want it let through.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Don't worry

    Don't worry. The EU won't allow our government to affect our himan rights in such a manner...

    Oh...

    1. sebbb

      Re: Don't worry

      Oh... you forgot to put "wait" at the end. It's going to be an endless wait.

    2. Scroticus Canis Silver badge
      Meh

      Re: Don't worry

      We're still in the EU and the law has already been passed, last year. Did the EU do anything? No.

      1. Jamie Jones Silver badge

        Re: Don't worry

        Don't be silly.. .The EU controls our every move, and we need to take back control... Moggy, Johonson, and Farage say so, so it must be true!

    3. Roj Blake Silver badge

      Re: Don't worry

      Once again...

      THE EUROPEAN COURT OF HUMAN RIGHTS IS NOT AN EU BODY

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Don't worry

        Once again...

        THE EUROPEAN COURT OF HUMAN RIGHTS IS THE NOT ONLY ORGANISATION CONCERNED WITH CITIZEN WELFARE

        A landmark ruling from the Court of Justice of the European Union deemed indiscriminate data retention illegal, forcing the UK government to set out a series of tweaks to the controversial Investigatory Powers Act.

        Link: Hey UK.gov – cute tweaks to snoop regime. Your EU law reading needs work - Privacy bods rip into attempts to make Investigatory Powers Act legal

  13. Homeboy

    After the year long anti Facebook (and all other social media platforms) rant by Damian Collins from his perch as head of the HoC DCMS committee, it was only a matter of time before, in response, the DCMS organisation morphed into the Department of Censorship, Manipulation and Silencing.

    As the government keeps deciding it doesn't like more and more things people want to say, watch or do, it was only a matter of time before they moved yet further down the road of trying to stop people doing them.

    1. Voyna i Mor Silver badge

      Zuckerberg, is that you?

      Being anti-Facebook is one of the very few things with which I align with Damian Collins. It's bad for democracy.

      1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

        But is Damian Collins good for democracy?

        1. Voyna i Mor Silver badge

          No, but stopped clocks are right twice a day.

  14. CAPS LOCK Silver badge

    No one in government expects this to work. It is the necessary prelude to a ...

    ... white list. Entry fees to the white list will be trivial. At first...

    1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

      Re: No one in government expects this to work. It is the necessary prelude to a ...

      Has anyone compared the draft of this law with the one that just went through the Russian parliament?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: No one in government expects this to work. It is the necessary prelude to a ...

        нет товарищ, это вообще не связано.

  15. S4qFBxkFFg

    (Downing Street Strategy Meeting Minutes, undated)

    Prime Minister: "...so in summary: Brexit is a perpetual clusterfuck, it's likely we shall be annihilated in the next elections, cabinet discipline is almost non-existent, we're crafting policy with a man we have regularly denounced as a Marxist, and we face the prospect of Boris being in charge of it all within months. We need to get ourselves out of this hole, as soon as possible, and a bold, popular, new policy is what will do it - suggestions?"

    Advisor 1: "Wanking licences!"

    Adviser 2: "Make people buy them at the local corner shop!"

    PM: "Get these men on the honours list - immediately!"

  16. Xenobyte
    WTF?

    Why?

    There are so many studies that makes it clear that watching porn has no negative effects on anyone regardless of age.

    But of course this is a political matter and then science must yield to political bias.

    1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

      Re: Why?

      There are studies for pretty much everything.

      I think the problem with a diet of professional porn, without any kind of sex education or critical interpretation, is that it conditions expectations: that a man can stay hard for 10, 20, 30 minutes or longer regardless of stimulation and that women will gleefully accept any size dick in any orifice without lubrication or foreplay.

      Adolescents at the start of their sex lives are very impressionable and sensitive and could be scarred by failing to live up to their own or their partner's expectations. Still, you don't solve this by trying to clamp down on porn, but by creating a better environment to discover, ask questions and bust myths.

      1. Voyna i Mor Silver badge

        Re: Why?

        Exactly. The answer is to make plenty of good, explicit sex education videos and put them out on the Internet.

        You'd have both the Conservatives and the porn industry trying to shut them down.

        1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

          Re: Why?

          Not so sure about the porn industry: it's much, much bigger than it was despite or perhaps because of free porn and sex education videos generally aren't erotic.

          I'd settle for slightly less unhappy relationships. But, yeah, the prudes are only happy when they're repressed.

          1. Voyna i Mor Silver badge

            Re: Why?

            I was suggesting that if we had really good sex education for adolescents, perhaps the porn industry might experience a degree of shrinkage.

            I don't see why sex education videos should not be erotic. In fact there is a case that they should be, because otherwise they are not telling the whole truth about relationships.

            1. Teiwaz Silver badge

              Re: Why?

              I was suggesting that if we had really good sex education for adolescents, perhaps the porn industry might experience a degree of shrinkage.

              Don't see why, a lot of STEM people love Sci-Fi, no matter how unrealistic....

              There's a difference in knowing how things really work, and enjoying a fantasy.

              (the people who like to complain and pick out the flaws will ennoy it too).

      2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: Why?

        "ask questions and bust myths."

        I think I must have missed that episode. Was it Adam and Jamie or Carrie and Tory?

      3. BinkyTheMagicPaperclip Silver badge

        Re: Why?

        Remember that pr0n creates unhealthy expectations about how quickly a plumber or pizza delivery driver will arrive at your home.

        1. Voyna i Mor Silver badge
          Coat

          Re: Why?

          And the size of spanner needed to unblock a sink.

          (Mine is the one with the two inch King Dick spanner weighing down the pocket.)

    2. Symon Silver badge
      Paris Hilton

      Re: Why?

      "no negative effects on anyone"

      Well, there are exceptions to your rule. I think you can get the gist from the urls, as visiting the sites listed below is prolly NSFW.

      https://www.digitaltrends.com/mobile/detroit-man-crashes-car-dies-while-watching-porn-on-phone/

      https://nltimes.nl/2018/03/02/truck-driver-watching-porn-caused-fatal-accident

      https://www.ranker.com/list/hilarious-porn-injuries/laura-allan

      p.s. Mustn't leave out Florida Man. He "Killed Parents, Stole $210K to Send to Porn Site 'Girlfriend'."

      https://www.nbcmiami.com/news/local/Florida-Man-Arrested-for-Killing-3-Also-Accused-of-Stealing-210K-505024161.html

  17. chivo243 Silver badge
    Devil

    Simple solution

    Just download Opera browser with the built in VPN. I'm an adult in western Europe, however, when a lot of news outlets in the US drop the "this content is not available in your region, due to GDPR or reason x, y or z. I use the Opera VPN, it doesn't always work, say about 30% of the time, but for the 70% it's exactly what is needed...

  18. RedCardinal

    The whole thing will be quietly shelved...

    1. Voyna i Mor Silver badge

      Top shelved with shrink wrap?

    2. Jon Smit

      On the top shelf.

  19. chivo243 Silver badge

    Shocked this isn't in bootnotes

    MI man sues parents over pornography collection

    https://www.wilx.com/content/news/MI-man-sues-parents-over-pornography-collection-508532771.html

  20. GruntyMcPugh Silver badge

    "Multiple delays have dogged a government policy"

    .. I have to admit I _totally_ misread that sub headline : -)

  21. ArchieTheAlbatross
    FAIL

    Another Sir Humphrey moment

    "Prime Minister, we must be seen to be doing something, this is something, therefore we are doing it".

    Whenever a government department announce that they are "taking the time to get this right", you instinctively know they are going to get it catastrophically wrong.

    Again.

    1. veti Silver badge

      Re: Another Sir Humphrey moment

      I think it would be more accurate to say "they have recently come to the realisation that they have got it catastrophically wrong, and are desperately groping around for the right shade of lipstick to make the subject look slightly less porcine."

  22. CommanderGalaxian
    FAIL

    Where in the FAQ is the guidance.

    I can't find any instructions on the UK Gov's website on how this is planned to work with TOR and Bitcoin.

  23. Chris Jasper

    Pretty sure this will sink quietly into the sunset

    The whole idea is so full of holes it cant be anything other than a just a titanic failure, that's what happens when you let society look out for the kids rather than take some bloody parental responsibility and check what your kids are up to on the net once in a while.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Pretty sure this will sink quietly into the sunset

      I'm told the Internet is full of holes and that's why the Government wants to stop it. They're hoping to be in time to stick their fingers in the dykes.

      1. Mark 85 Silver badge

        Re: Pretty sure this will sink quietly into the sunset

        I typed 4 different responses to this and everyone of them had just enough innuendo to invoke banishment. So I'll leave it as an exercise for the reader to come up with their own responses.

  24. batfink

    I predict this will last

    ...exactly up until the moment an MP's details are lifted from the pr0n register and made public...

    1. a pressbutton

      Re: I predict this will last

      ... Is that not the publicly available list of expenses our MPs have claimed for?

      and has someone not been caught already?

      1. Boris the Cockroach Silver badge
        Devil

        Re: I predict this will last

        Quote "and has someone not been caught already?"

        Only a minister's husband putting the pr0n channel on the parlimentary expenses tab....

        Anyway

        Coming soon... buy the complete hacked list of ageIDs and whos surfed what...... and how much they'll pay you to stop you publishing it....

  25. Jon Smit
    WTF?

    Does this mean the UK government

    is the first to issue a Wanking Licence?

  26. Conundrum1885

    Re. Does this mean the UK government

    *Er not *Ing.

    Also this is heading right into "Fahrenheit 451" territory.

  27. Daniel Bower

    My mate John

    Who we, for good reason, referred to as Honest John would have made a killing at our school. Knocking out vpn access for a fiver a month.

    I imagine it’ll be his kids first business venture instead.

  28. Paul Hovnanian Silver badge

    Age checks

    Yeah. I can see those working quite well.

    1. William Towle
      Thumb Up

      Age checks: Doomed to failure

      I always enjoyed the next one:

      https://dilbert.com/strip/1996-01-24

      // icon: chosen for +1, promise

  29. spold Bronze badge

    Verification for the very naive....

    ....a long long time ago in a land not so far away....

    A pron hoster decided it would be an excellent wheeze to verify people by capturing their credit card number just to prove they were over 18.... unfortunately....

    1. They were too stupid to understand your average teen was quite capable of acquiring number, expiry date and CVV off their Dad's card and it was a doddle, and assuming they didn't actually go for signing up no-one knew.... (this doesn't even go as far as signing up and saying if you spot it I will tell Mum it must be you)

    2. They were stupid enough to retain all these card details even though they never charged anything meaning they still had breaches without making a penny

    What goes around comes around vicar

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The Catholic version

    Age verification

    Last confession date

    Priest's name

  31. William Towle

    ...And Now We Know

    July, according to https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-47960775

  32. js6898

    They are coming into force 15 July

    1. Boris the Cockroach Silver badge
      Facepalm

      And by-passed by everyone by 16th July

  33. This post has been deleted by its author

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