back to article Hapless engineers leave UK cable landing station gate open, couple of journos waltz right in

Journalists were able to bimble into a UK cable landing station almost completely unchallenged after security gates were left open and unlocked. Two reporters from the Mail on Sunday walked straight into the nondescript hut where the Hibernia Express cable reaches the British mainland in Southport, 30km north of Liverpool on …

  1. Jamie Jones Silver badge

    "A terrorist or foreign agent would have been free to plant explosives ..."

    "A terrorist or foreign agent would have been free to plant explosives or force their way inside," reported the paper."

    Typical Mail. Someone with explosives would be pretty free to plant them anywhere.

    If a foreign agent or terrorist wanted to sabotage the link, a locked door wouldn't be any deterrent.

    No, by forgetting to lock the doors, the site was simply only made vulnerable to local petty theives and vandals, but that doesn't make a sexy headline, does it?

    1. Jon 37

      Re: "A terrorist or foreign agent would have been free to plant explosives ..."

      Why would the engineers need to lock the gate when they're working on site in the main building, and everything else has another lock on it?

      1. Jamie Jones Silver badge

        Re: "A terrorist or foreign agent would have been free to plant explosives ..."

        Because... "Journalists were able to bimble into a UK cable landing station almost completely unchallenged after security gates were left open and unlocked. Two reporters from the Mail on Sunday walked straight into the nondescript hut where the...."

        Whether it was the engineers fault, or instead the fault of site security is another argument - The article was about journalists getting in that could have been terrorists, and the point I was making is not who should have secured what, but that it would make no difference to terrorists, and if anyone abused the situation, it would be local yobs.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: "A terrorist or foreign agent would have been free to plant explosives ..."

          Because local yobs could never be terrorists, right? WAKE UP!

          1. Rich 11 Silver badge

            Re: "A terrorist or foreign agent would have been free to plant explosives ..."

            WAKE UP!

            You're one of those people who cross the road in mortal fear whenever you see a brown person walking along the pavement, aren't you?

        2. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

          Re: "A terrorist or foreign agent would have been free to plant explosives ..."

          "if anyone abused the situation, it would be local yobs"

          Well, you couldn't expect the Mail to tell its readers their teenage kids could go in there, shoot up drugs, nick anything not welded down and set the place on fire.

    2. Flexdream

      Re: "A terrorist or foreign agent would have been free to plant explosives ..."

      I've seen enough movies to know how much better it is to place your explosives right on what you want to destroy rather than sort of near it. Unless you only want to blow the bloody doors off.

      1. Jamie Jones Silver badge
        Happy

        Re: "A terrorist or foreign agent would have been free to plant explosives ..."

        2 sets of explosives? Or terrorists with a lockpick? :-)

        The whole point is that *terrorists* with *explosives* aren't going to turn around and go home just because the door is locked!

        It was the Mail that brought up this sensationalist argument - I'm just following it through logically.

        1. katrinab Silver badge

          Re: "A terrorist or foreign agent would have been free to plant explosives ..."

          A ladder and something to smash a window?

        2. Alan Brown Silver badge

          Re: "A terrorist or foreign agent would have been free to plant explosives ..."

          On a site like that, terrorists would use thermite. Explosives are noisy and attention-getting.

        3. Grinning Bandicoot
          Alert

          Re: "A terrorist or foreign agent would have been free to plant explosives ..."

          Or a plasma cutter and explosives after entry. Better yet break in and corrupt the data or let it be thought the data was corrupted the result is same. Under the doctrine of intermittents are a bitch looking for something that does not exist will disrupt more than an actual fault.

    3. N2 Silver badge

      Re: "A terrorist or foreign agent would have been free to plant explosives ..."

      Its good of them to let every man + dog know

      I'm not sure which side those half wits are on sometimes.

    4. Annihilator

      Re: "A terrorist or foreign agent would have been free to plant explosives ..."

      "A terrorist or foreign agent would have been free to plant explosives or force their way inside"

      Also, why would you need to force your way inside an unlocked building?

    5. TheVogon Silver badge

      Re: "A terrorist or foreign agent would have been free to plant explosives ..."

      "almost completely unchallenged"

      So not unchallenged then.

      And anyway this hut is a decoy. GCHQ and other Echelon members long since intercepted all the fibres off shore and rerouted them through a vast analysis and recording system.

      1. matt 83

        Re: "A terrorist or foreign agent would have been free to plant explosives ..."

        "Almost completely unchallenged"

        Maybe there was a sign on the door warning about leopards?

    6. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: "A terrorist or foreign agent would have been free to plant explosives ..."

      The journalists failed to notice that they were being continuously targeted by several snipers.

      On their encrypted radio, "Hold fire." "Yeah, I think that they're harmless." "They look like dweebs; or perhaps journalists." "Agreed."

    7. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      "Journalists were able to bimble into a UK cable landing station"

      How come the journalists were conveniently there at the right place at the right time?

    8. Alan Brown Silver badge

      Re: "A terrorist or foreign agent would have been free to plant explosives ..."

      "The site was simply only made vulnerable to local petty theives and vandals"

      two words: Copper theft

      Not petty and usually fairly dramatic in effects on infrastructure sites even if the amounts removed are small.

  2. Chris G Silver badge

    Something smells

    Curious as to what a couple of reporters were doing poking around in a caravan park ? Also

    , It sounds as though the engineer were in there so anyone trying to cause trouble would get a twat round the head while one of the others would be calling the cops.

    I terrorists really knew where the place was and wanted to damage it, I don't think they would need to wait for someone to open the he doors.

    Usual Wail mountain out of a mole hill stuff.

    1. Steve Evans

      Re: Something smells

      Mail reporters always hang about round caravans, it's where they get most of their celeb dogging stories from.

  3. lafnlab
    Black Helicopters

    Tourism

    St Cuthbert's looks like a lovely church in case Bogdan happens to need a reason to visit the Southport area.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Tourism

      If Bogdan really wanted to cause trouble he could start a nutty news paper feeding xenophobic right wing nonsense to the nation and sit back and watch it implode......

      1. John G Imrie Silver badge
        Big Brother

        Re: Tourism

        Ah comrade, you 'av discovered our master plan

  4. Semtex451 Silver badge
    Windows

    Bogdan the Church Spire Tourist <excellent btw> can knacker the nation's comms with a handful of plastic explosive...

    Or 20 minutes with an axe?

    1. MrDamage

      I'm more of a Bogdan the Turnip Boy fan myself.

    2. Brian Miller

      "knacker the nation's comms"

      Who needs explosives when an innocent mistake on the keyboard can do it? Or terrorist squirrels who ignore said gates and guards...

      "Badges? We don't need badges, we have nuts!"

    3. Gonzo_the_Geek

      Not sure I'd want to attack the cable itself with an axe, they carry pretty high voltages to power the repeaters and I'd say shorting that to the armouring would make for a pretty spectacular fireworks show without any explosives :-)

      1. Steve Carr

        Maybe not an Axe

        But one of these could do some damage at a short distance.

        https://www.tester.co.uk/acvoke-heavy-duty-cable-spiker

        watched the local board spike the wrong (ie live) 33Kv incomer.

        That did more than some damage

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Maybe not an Axe

          And anyone can buy those?

          Because except for the non-lethality for the user, it looks like the perfect tool for a terrorist.

          Clamp onto cable, pull cord, forget all about those virgins you were promised...

    4. M. Poolman
      Mushroom

      20 minutes with an axe

      Or 30 seconds and can of petrol.

  5. chivo243 Silver badge
    Headmaster

    gates were left open and unlocked.

    Better than open and locked... That would really look like incompetence

    1. dajames Silver badge
      Facepalm

      Re: gates were left open and unlocked.

      Better than open and locked... That would really look like incompetence

      Not really ... it would stop anyone stealing the lock!

  6. Aqua Marina

    Not really secret

    The locations of the 3 cable inlets are not a secret, in fact many fishing maps have the exact locations because the cables become exposed if the sand shifts.

    http://kis-orca.eu/map#.XIaIqij7QdU just zoom in on Southport, or Blackpool, or any of the other cables round the country.

    1. Aqua Marina

      Re: Not really secret

      Funny thing is, a 30 second google for Hibernia Station Southport brought up this place on google maps, goo.gl/iMfhx7

      They are quite open about the site according to this document, which discusses the cable routes up the street, the AC power, the backups onsite, the cooling. http://www.merseymaritime.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/CLS-Datasheet.pdf

      1. eldakka Silver badge
        Stop

        Re: Not really secret

        Downvoted for providing a URL using a URL obfuscation service.

        1. Aqua Marina

          Re: Not really secret

          Would you have preferred https://www.google.com/maps/@53.6273895,-2.9876024,3a,75y,209.63h,67.67t/data=!3m6!1e1!3m4!1s0JRd4UeT2_n0tkhfcAU41g!2e0!7i13312!8i6656 or https://goo.gl/maps/DbTvADnpK5o

          Downvoted because I believe that someone providing criticism shouldn't do so without providing a solution.

          1. Baldrickk Silver badge

            Re: Not really secret

            https://goo.gl/maps/DbTvADnpK5o would be better, as the /maps/ addresses are only used for maps, but nothing is stopping you from providing a Google Maps link, is there?

          2. eldakka Silver badge

            Re: Not really secret

            EDITED: partially ninja'ed by Baldrickk reply while writing this rant. Just in case you can't tell, using URL obfuscation services is one of my (many) pet hates. Original post below:

            Would you have preferred https://www.google.com/maps/@53.6273895,-2.9876024,3a,75y,209.63h,67.67t/data=!3m6!1e1!3m4!1s0JRd4UeT2_n0tkhfcAU41g!2e0!7i13312!8i6656 or https://goo.gl/maps/DbTvADnpK5o

            Abso-fucking-lutely would I have preferred: https://www.google.com/maps/@53.6273895,-2.9876024,3a,75y,209.63h,67.67t/data=!3m6!1e1!3m4!1s0JRd4UeT2_n0tkhfcAU41g!2e0!7i13312!8i6656.

            Every day of the week!

            URL obfuscation services are bad. They actively hide the URL that you are actually visiting.

            That long URL you posted tells me I am going to a google maps reference.

            By using a URL obfuscation service, that information is being hidden. For all I knew - or still know, as I haven't tried using the obfuscated URL, so have to take it on trust that they are one and the same location - that URL could have been going to a porn site, or was an advert for something else, or could have been going to a malware site.

            Using URL obfuscation is a key tactic of malware purveyors, identity thieves, spam-bots, internet tracking (what, you don't think URL obfuscation services aren't primarily web-trackers to build up saleable profiles of your internet usage?), just all-round dodgy people. When we get spam emails claiming to be from our bank, or anything else that provides a link for you to login in, many of those use obfuscated URLs. That way you can't tell by looking at the URL that it isn't in fact sending you to accounts.mybank.com/login because what you see hidden under the anchor is goo.gl/xrfeHuYH, which when you click on it actually takes you to login.mybank.com.34dsxcc.bobsite.tv.

            Never, ever click on an unknown URL, which is what an obfuscated URL is, by definition of what URL obfuscation (aka URL shortening) is.

            It's just as dangerous - and foolhardy - as opening an unknown attachment from an unknown sender in an email.

            Downvoted because I believe that someone providing criticism shouldn't do so without providing a solution.

            I'm happy to receive down votes if that's your opinion.

            The solution was provided in the criticism, "do not use URL obfuscation". What further solution is required? I mean, logically, what's the alternative to not using an obfuscated URL? Ummm, how do I provide a URL without using URL obfuscation? Duh, providing the full URL? Which you seem to have done in that reply, so it wasn't really that hard to work out, was it?

            Even better would have been to use an actual HTTP anchor like this: look at this map.

            On mouseover you can see the link in your browsers status-bar, or you can usually right-click and copy the actual URL embedded under the link so it can be pasted into an address bar and seen before pressing enter to go to the site, or searched for, or pasted into a text editor, wherever you'd like to have the actual URL before interacting with it.

            This is common internet-safety knowledge, like not opening attachments from unknown senders, what further information than "do not use URL obfuscation" do you think should have been provided?

            1. Baldrickk Silver badge

              Re: Not really secret

              Haha, I love how my "you can do it this way" post gets more downvotes than up, but the following rant gets appreciated more.

              I wonder if our two dvs are the same people?

              1. Trygve Henriksen

                Re: Not really secret

                It's because everyone appreciates a good rant.

                As long as they're not the target...

        2. Snorlax

          Re: Not really secret

          "Downvoted for providing a URL using a URL obfuscation service."

          I took the time to log in just to downvote you for that comment

      2. NonSSL-Login

        Re: Not really secret

        On the same road as the Experian building. Makes sense as that's another company that lets data thieves just walk right in :P

    2. TRT Silver badge

      Re: Not really secret

      Oh, I know the place you mean. Used to go to school near there, and I went back for a wander a couple of years ago. Yeah... not much interest really. Nothing worth nicking... now if it had been a COPPER cable, the local scrotes would have had away with it years ago.

      1. eldakka Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: Not really secret

        now if it had been a COPPER cable

        Then you'd have to watch out for the COPpers.

        1. Steve Evans

          Re: Not really secret

          That's probably what the caravan are for, distracting the pikeys from the cable.

      2. Alan Brown Silver badge

        Re: Not really secret

        "now if it had been a COPPER cable"

        Fibre cables look just like copper cables until you chop - and as many infrastructure providers have found out to their dismay labelling them as fibre doesn't work because the scrotes who do this stuff can't read.

  7. Gene Cash Silver badge
    Go

    I'm confused... in the headline you mention journalists, yet the article says "two reporters from the Mail"

    1. Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

      Journalists use keyboards. Daily Mail reporters use crayon

      1. TRT Silver badge

        I thought Daily Mail reporters dipped their quills into rivers of blood?

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          The crayons are for eating, quills and rivers of blood are too expensive for field reporters and thus reserved for the editorial staff

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Daily Mail reporters use crayon

        You overestimate their abilities. They actually use their fingers and poo to write the articles.

    2. oiseau Silver badge
      Pint

      ... you mention journalists, yet the article says "two reporters from the Mail".

      Brilliant!

      You made my day, got a much needed laugh.

      Have a beer or two ---->

      Cheers,

      O.

    3. cornetman

      I think we need to resurrect the Comment Of The Week just for that!

  8. Stuart Halliday

    So a previous employee has grassed up their lack of security to the Press.

    Good.

    Maybe they'll have self closing doors and gates next time. But I bet the engineers will simply prop open the gates with a rock.

    Time to get yourself better trained engineers guys.

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Knowing the place, they'd use a scrapped dodgem car motor. There's dozens of 'em knocking around. That and tired, peeling hire boats. Come in number 9, your time is up! and all that.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        "Come in number 9, your time is up!"

        Oh, err, are you having any problems number 6 ?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      But I bet the engineers will simply prop open the gates with a rock.

      Or maybe a bar of platinum?

  9. Stevie Silver badge

    Bah!

    Nonononono. Closing doors and locking them would be "security by obscurity", which as all young engineers know is a Bad Thing.

    The engineers vilified in this story are actually practicing "open systems" philosophy, are security geniuses, and should be richly rewarded for their care and attention to detail.

    1. pauhit

      Re: Bah!

      idiot...

      The engineers, being highly trained professionals, obviously know that leaving the doors unlocked prevents any crim from actually entering, as it goes against thieves honor to take advantage of an easy target.

      1. Fatman Silver badge

        Re: Bah!

        <quote>as it goes against thieves honor to take advantage of an easy target.</quote>

        WHO told you that BULLSHIT???

        There is NO honor amongst thieves.

      2. LeahroyNake Bronze badge

        Re: Bah!

        Maybe but what if an agile thief turns up ?

  10. Brush

    Should have watched ....

    This excellent piece of documentary https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_nnUbX7uuQ

  11. AmenFromMars

    And how do you think the cables get to the data centres? Locked manhole covers all the way, I doubt it.

    1. Jtom

      If someone really wanted to cause havoc, they would back a concrete truck up to the first manhole cover outside the data center, and fiil the manhole up with concrete.

      1. stiine Bronze badge
        Devil

        Brilliant!

        That's the best fucking idea I've heard in a long time.

  12. Rattus
    Facepalm

    Do we need that security?

    "Physical security is increasingly overlooked in British national cybersecurity considerations."

    If it is that important then perhaps national security shouldn't be left to companies who are motivated by profit and not protecting the national intrest (after all they can happily provide a sevice to whoever is in charge and pays the bills).

    If we as a nation want this level of security perhaps we should nationalise the critical infrastructure?

    1. TDog

      Re: Do we need that security?

      And then the government would have to take the blame - we've already enough reasons for ministers (not) to resign already, thank you.

  13. gBone
    Facepalm

    Five eyes

    Those "engineers" in there were probably five-eyes installing network snooping spy kit.

    1. ivan5

      Re: Five eyes

      O checking that all the equipment had working backdoors i.e, no Huawei equipment allowed.

      1. David Shaw

        Re: Five eyes

        Who needs Huwaei 'non-backdoors' (digital network intelligence non-collection risk) when Dodgy-Dave invited the People's Liberation Army 'top spooks' for RAF Cranwell training, for 18 months, recently!

        "the pair suprisingly spent 60% of their free time examining ballistic missile warning radars at Fylingdales"

        https://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/699736/Espionage-secret-mission-RAF-Chinese-guests

        https://ukdefencejournal.org.uk/claims-chinese-officers-spied-british-ballistic-missile-radar-base/

        "at times they would visit another location" I'm just guessing here but er.. isn't Harrogate halfway between Lincolnshire & Whitby (if you sensibly avoid Hull) so just 40% of their spare time was likely spent underground?

        https://www.datacenterdynamics.com/news/revealed-nsa-built-a-10000-sq-ft-tier-iii-uk-data-center-in-2011/

        Fylingdales also does ELINT, SIGINT, and now CHIN-INT, as does the NSA base which it is alleged is now downsizing (humans at least), tho' perhaps if they weren't welcomed into MH with soda and cookies, they might have had excellent fish n' chips at Irton Moor, GCHQ Scarborough.

        I think the odd transatlantic fibre termination shelf in Southport is a bit further down the list for foreign spooks' access plans when they can spend their lesiure time being welcomed inside our critical military infrastructure

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Southport (PR8)? But the *Daily Mail* got there first?

    How did the Daily Mail's City-centred muppets even know where Southport was, never mind PR8? Oh, maybe they read about it (and the relevant staff names) in a brochure which is (now) linked from the comments here.

    "...

    the Hibernia Express carves a much straighter route and its extraordinary speed – six milliseconds faster than its nearest rival – makes it crucial for investment banks and hedge funds engaged in high-frequency trading.

    Traders nicknamed 'flash boys' use super-computers capable of placing millions of orders each day, and gain an advantage by moving trades milliseconds before their rivals. Industry insiders say a reduction in speed of just one millisecond can be worth up to £77 million a year, which explains why firms reportedly pay £3 million a year for access to the cable.

    ..."

    The Register is owned and operated by

    Situation Publishing Limited

    Unit 1

    Portland Street Trading Estate

    14 Portland Street

    Southport

    PR8 1LJ

    1. Terry 6 Silver badge

      Re: Southport (PR8)? But the *Daily Mail* got there first?

      Since this seems to be about an advantage to algorithm trading, and not old-fashioned judgment trading, it wouldn't exactly make me shed a tear if the bastards had to do without their high speed link 'cos some local vandal set the place on fire.

    2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: Southport (PR8)? But the *Daily Mail* got there first?

      "firms reportedly pay £3 million a year for access to the cable."

      That sounds like a very good reason to have some proper physical security procedures in place. Downtime might be expensive.

    3. old_iron

      Re: Southport (PR8)? But the *Daily Mail* got there first?

      Eh - no...

      If you can't understand the trade, check the counterparty and execute inside a millisecond, you're not in the market

  15. Mark Exclamation

    And those "journalists" just happened to be there on the only day the doors and gates were left unlocked? Inside job?

  16. Blofeld's Cat
    Coat

    Hmm ...

    "Two reporters from the Mail on Sunday walked straight into the nondescript hut where the Hibernia Express cable reaches the British mainland in Southport,"

    Not that I would for a moment dispute the journalistic skills of reporters from that august journal, but I would want to make a few extra checks just in case ...

    Engineer 1: (Watching reporters depart) "Who were that lot then ?"

    Engineer 2: (Shrugs) "Said they were from the Daily Mail investigating dangers to our gallant nation's infrastructure."

    Engineer 1: "Ah. So what were they doing in this disused toilet block ?"

    Engineer 2: "Probably looking for that secret installation on the other side of the caravan park."

    Engineer 1: "Didn't half give me a shock bursting in like that though. I thought we'd been rumbled."

    Engineer 2: "I know. You can't even nick a bit of copper pipe in peace these days..."

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Cable tapping

    I watched an amazing documentary about the US tapping underwater cables owned by Russia and Russia doing the same back.

    The underwater cables were easily spotted because of signs warning boats of the cables in both English and Russian.

    If I remember correctly, the US had a hunch that Russia might also have signs warning boats/fishermen of the underwater cables just like the US did and their hunch paid off when similar sign in Russian were spotted.

    1. Alan Brown Silver badge

      Re: Cable tapping

      "I watched an amazing documentary about the US tapping underwater cables owned by Russia and Russia doing the same back."

      If anyone has doubts about the US's ability and determination to tap cables anywhere, look up the SSN-23 Jimmy Carter and its predecessor SSN-683 Parche

      - Attributed as being a key resource of the National Underwater Reconnaissance Office, Parche is said to be "the most highly decorated vessel in U.S. history."

  18. AlanT1

    Google it

    I wonder how many looked for this location on Google Maps after reading this :) ?

  19. Shaun Blagdon

    The site should have guards at the main gate. You can't leave physical security to engineers

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      And you most certainly can't leave software security to engineers, either.

  20. martinusher Silver badge

    Too much paranoia

    Based on literally over a hundred years of UK history "two reporters from the Daily Mail" present a much greater threat to British way of life than a random group of wannabe Islamic terrorists.

    You really can overdo this kind of paranoia. (Anyway, the fiber's primarily for high speed stock trading; some might say that disabling it would be doing society a service.)

    Incidentally, the first "interception of cable traffic" type spy story that I know of was a tale by William de Querx, a prolific writer of Invasion Literature. What we have here are a couple of the Kaiser's spies who have branched a North Sea telegraph cable just off the Norfolk coast -- lots of Boy's Own type stuff, a good read if you like that sort of thing. There's even a Daily Mail angle in some of his stories, like "The Invasion of 1910" which used as a backdrop East Anglian towns with a significant Mail readership. (His vision of WW1 turned out to be nothing like the real thing.)

    Another literary quirk -- before he and his ilk discovered the evil Kaiser the Bad Boy Of Europe was Tsar Nicholas II. Plus ca change.....

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I'm surprised at the number of comments blaming the Mail, or making light of the ease of access. Sure, the Mail is reporting in the most hyperbolic way possible - as usual - and given its track record, it's easy and tempting to dismiss the story as simply a tabloid creating FUD. And yes, staff were on site, so you can argue that there was no real threat to infrastructure, if you imagine all staff present are capable of neutralising international spies and/or tooled-up terrorists.

    At the very least, it ought to be pretty obvious that leaving the gates unlocked and unguarded seriously endangers the staff. Beyond that, it really shouldn't be that easy for just anyone to get that close to important infrastructure. It's possible to see the Mail's reporting as irresponsible and sensationalist, while still acknowledging that the actual story they're reporting on is concerning.

    1. rmason Silver badge

      @AC

      Explain to me how any number of locked doors would stop the Mail's hypothetical terrorist?

      Unless it's the lads from "four lions" then i'll give you a hint:

      It wouldn't.

      The threat posed by an unlocked door is pissed up teenagers messing about, it being used as a combination toilet and shooting up spot, or a 'stray man' wandering in and moving in.

  22. bpfh Bronze badge
    Big Brother

    Inspiring words

    "any interruption of service would not materially impact internet traffic".

    I could use this in my customer service notices. This is absolutely awesome:

    "This total interruption of service does not materially impact the use of your product, and does not affect our 99.999ggg9% uptime sla guarantee.

    As such, please don't ask our sales team for service credit as your services are not materially impacted even if they are. You Have Been Told.

    Cheers Mate,

    Your Beloved and All-Knowing Support Team".

  23. Lupinsays

    As the Register has an office in Southport I’d expect a bit of on the spot journalism from you. You’re only round the corner on Portland Street and obviously based the office in Southport to get access to the super fast networks.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      So did the Register tip off the Mail Journalists and arrange for the gates to be unlocked.

      We should be told?

  24. darklord

    Er cutting nose off to spite face

    So a terrorist gains access to sever the cable connections effectively shutting the internet down to the UK and America.

    So isn't that like going to inconvenience terrorist organisations as well. as we all know they use the internet to communicate right!

    And so what we have satellite technology which can be diverted from the cable solutions. ohh about 10 minutes disruption at most.

    1. 's water music Silver badge

      terrorist one: ok, time to whatsapp our Elbonian boss to report that the plot to disable all UK internet infrastructure has been successfully executed.

      terrorist two: wait, wut?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      "So a terrorist gains access to sever the cable connections effectively shutting the internet down to the UK and America."

      It will likely impact GTT and their customers, but have minimal impact on UK Internet access due to connection diversity.

      "And so what we have satellite technology which can be diverted from the cable solutions. ohh about 10 minutes disruption at most."

      Have you used satellite Internet connectivity? It's fine for bulk downloads where latency isn't an issue but otherwise it sucks. Plus International fiber resilience is unlikely to require this.

      It might play into the Mail's thinking on getting people off the Internet and focusing on other activities though. Or give Mail journalists to make some more tea and brew up their next storm...

    3. Trixr Bronze badge

      Also, other than the sucky latency when it comes to satellite, there's this little thing called *capacity*. Govt and military will be allocated that bandwidth first.

      As a thought exercise that should make the fat cats sit up and take notice, try running the London Stock Exchange or Forex Market over satellite. (I'm actually sure that's a fallback for those markets, but forget your sub-second trades.)

  25. Marketing Hack Silver badge
    Black Helicopters

    The journalists weren't stopped because...

    They happened to be wearing their NSA T-shirts, or maybe dark suits with aviator glasses and bluetooth earpieces...

  26. astounded1

    It's Not Grass - It's GLASS, You Idiots

    The 1990s style stoner film updated:

    Bertie And Bernie Break The Internet (No, Really, They Actually Do Break It)

    "Bertie, mate, I'm freezing. This concrete hut is open. Let's go see if it's warm."

    "Sound, mate, I've got the weed. We can fire up inside."

    Cut to lit match falling onto some flammable liquid that then rapidly spreads into an inferno, melting the landing station and wiping out the fastest Internet route between the U.K. and North America.

    Now, THAT'S Brexit...

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I would have plugged my laptop in and done a speed test :)

  28. TomPhan
    Facepalm

    "almost completely unchallenged"

    So in other words they were challenged?

  29. wayne 8

    Coincidentally journos happened by at the same time

    Coincidentally journos happened by at the same time that the gates were left open.

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    All Mail journos are challenged.

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