back to article Hipster whines at tech mag for using his pic to imply hipsters look the same, discovers pic was of an entirely different hipster

Normally a headline like "The hipster effect: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same" would elicit much rolling of eyes here at Vulture Towers. However, it becomes more intriguing when one learns that the hypothesis described in the article was tested by a series of hilarious post-publication events that then …

  1. Glen 1 Bronze badge
    Trollface

    What's that el reg? You'd like to talk about this article, but we've probably not heard of it?

    1. Keven E

      Old hat

      I leave this link to a *document that had covered this issue a while back...

      http://magiccarpetburn.blogspot.com/2010/06/mad-47-june-59-how-to-be-mad-non.html

      (apologies for the odd source... but they do show the main 3 pages)

  2. Rich 11 Silver badge

    Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

    "Yes, we *are* all individuals."

    © Life of Bejesus

    1. John G Imrie Silver badge

      Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

      Er... I'm not

      1. Graham Dawson

        Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

        shhh!

        1. Captain Scarlet Silver badge
          Alien

          Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

          hmm you must be a Mysteron then, welcome to the club.

          1. Glen 1 Bronze badge
            Alien

            Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

            James Earl Jones is a Mysteron... or maybe he's just a copy...

            1. Rich 11 Silver badge

              Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

              It probably became easier to copy him after he died. Sadly.

              1. Updraft102 Silver badge

                Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

                When did this happen?

                1. Graham Butler

                  Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

                  It didn't. He probably watched Clear & Present Danger recently or something

              2. mr_souter_Working

                Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

                James Earl Jones is not dead

                1. Michael Habel Silver badge

                  Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

                  *Yet....

                  **Needs more RIP Icons...

                2. dajames Silver badge
                  Boffin

                  Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

                  James Earl Jones is not dead

                  ... unless, of course, he is a copy ...

              3. cosmogoblin

                Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

                Arg! The article gave me a huge laugh, then this shocked it all away.

                Ah well, glad you're wrong. Pretty sure you could just press a combination of buttons on his chest plate to fix him if he died, anyway.

                Speaking of, does anybody know if Christopher Lee has risen from the dead yet? He's taking his sweet time about it...

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

        "Er... I'm not"

        That's exactly what I'd expect a hipster to say...

        1. LucreLout Silver badge

          Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

          That's exactly what I'd expect a hipster to say...

          Really? I'd expect them to say something more like "My usual extra wet skim soy decaf latte with fairtrade nut free ecologically sourced diet vanilla syrup please".

          1. Anuerin Mandry

            Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

            I have to admit, I read that comment as referencing "... late tirade nut-free ecology open source die vanilla disease". Late night implementation, sorry.

        2. Curtis Crowson

          Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

          Yes, as a hipster, I know that a hipster would never admit to being a hipster. It is the first rule of hipsters.

          1. Mr Han

            Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

            and the second rule of hipsters is that hipsters don't follow rules.

    2. Huw D

      Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

      Yup. I remember at a large bike rally a small child was found wandering around early in the morning and was taken to rally control.

      "Ok, lad? You've lost your parents?"

      "Yes"

      "What's your Dad's name?"

      "John"

      "Ok, and what does John look like?"

      "He's got a bald head and a long beard and tattoos down his arms!"

      "Let me take a guess. Is he wearing jeans and a black shirt and a leather jacket?"

      "Yes, do you know him?"

      1. 45RPM Silver badge

        Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

        Similarly, I was at my nephews birthday party when he was three and there was a little girl in tears. The usual thing, she wanted her mother. Okay, said I, let’s find her. What is she called? “She’s called Mummy”, said the little girl.

        Because ofcourse she is.

        1. cream wobbly

          Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

          Would be fine to ask the child her own name. But then they're all called Emily, sometimes Megan, these days, so that won't help.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

            Before that everyone was Bethany or occasionally Ashley.

            1. missingegg

              Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

              That's why I wanted to name my daughter Ilkris the Destroyer. Sadly, the hubby wouldn't go for it. I got the last laugh though: she does have a knack for breaking things.

              1. livin' thing
                Thumb Up

                Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

                Get him drunk then change your daughter's name by deed poll. Extra points for changing his name too.

              2. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

                Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

                And for similar reasons my phone ringtone is an abscure[1] prog song - on the basis that I *know* it's my phone[2] ringing since no-one else would use that song..

                [1] Rumble Fish Twist by the Flower Kings. Seems almost expressly designed to be a ringtone.. It only gets confusing when the car playlist hits that song and I think it's my phone ringing.

                [2] Or my wifes' phone - she's asked me to set her ringtone for similar reasons.

                1. Luiz Abdala

                  Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

                  Little off-topic but...

                  I've set my ringtone to "Thunderstruck". The opening riff has that the all the right qualities for a ringtone: it is distinct, can be amplified to hell and back, uses 2 or 3 notes, and increases in volume regardless of the phone settings.

                  Pavlov makes me check my phone every time it actually plays on the radio, which isn't often.

            2. Fungus Bob Silver badge

              Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

              Every now and then I'm still Ashley.

          2. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

            You must move in better circles than I do, around here its all chavvy "creative names" (i.e. made up gibberish and always with indecipherable spellings)

            Not to mention the slurred pronounciation - Finlay becomes "Fuhnleh" (usually screamed along with various profane language and threats of violence)

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

              'Finlay becomes "Fuhnleh"''

              .... isn't that the correct original Irish spellling?

              1. Teiwaz Silver badge

                Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

                'Finlay becomes "Fuhnleh"''

                .... isn't that the correct original Irish spellling?

                Good gods, that and the image of violence and I've recalled 'Fergal Sharkey' there's probably a youthful trauma about to come out there.

                1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

                  Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

                  I've recalled 'Fergal Sharkey'

                  He was pretty good with The Undertones. Not so good on his own (although he made *lots* more money - which wasn't difficult since the Undertones didn't make any..)

              2. deadlockvictim Silver badge

                Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

                To get something approximating the correct Irish spelling you need a lot of what look like superfluous vowels, gs and hs. Take 'Dunleary' as a good example, it's 'Dun Laoghaire' on the maps. 'Finlay' becomes 'Fionn Aighile' or something along those lines

                If said Finlay is in Irish girls' primary school, it will become 'Siobhan' or possibly 'Sile'.

                If it is to be written out by civil servants, it will become 'Finlay', as in 'Bothar Finlay'. The metropolis of Bray has a nice old name in Irish ['Briogh Chulainn' — Hostel of Culainn] and the lot in charge of the Irish railways turned it into 'Bre', so anyone, really, can write modern Irish. Just take the English word and bastardise it. It's what those who run Ireland do.

                Apologies for the lack of fadas (accents), I wasn't arsed to look up the respective ASCII codes.

            2. Sgt_Oddball Silver badge
              Facepalm

              Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

              I heard a corker the other say..

              Anyaw as a girls name

              Sounds quite exotic right?

              Turns out, no. It's Wayne spelt backwards.

              I'll let that sink in.

              1. maffski

                Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

                Anyaw is Wayne spelt backwards?

                I think you might need to let that sink in.

                1. Sgt_Oddball Silver badge

                  Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

                  Oh I know.... I know very well.

                  1. Anonymous Coward
                    Anonymous Coward

                    Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

                    Did you let the sink in?

                    It'd done its business and was scratching at the door and howling.

                    Don't leave the poor thing stood out in the rain, it'll just be wet sink smell for the rest of the evening.

            3. Mr Han

              Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

              We must be neighbours.

          3. Mike Richards Silver badge

            Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

            Oh crikey - I'm sure they were all still called Olivia or Emily.

            1. Diogenes

              Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

              I open my new class rolls with dread - J'Mia-Glory (have to use both parts),Jakson, Jaxson, Cleopatrah, Mikena(McKenna), Kalais,Dakoter - these are the reasonably sensible ones

              After those then we have the boy 'J's - all spelt correctly buuuut inevitable PITAs, especially all the variants on Jack & Jai

              1. Anonymous Coward
                Anonymous Coward

                Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

                Why breeding should require a license.

                1. Voyna i Mor Silver badge

                  Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

                  Better, a list of approved names as used by the French and by Italian Catholic priests.

                  "I know you wanted Lenina Stalina but somehow it came out as Annunciata Maria"

        2. Rich 11 Silver badge

          Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

          "Mummy? Are you my Mummy?"

          Run. Just run.

          1. Baldrickk Silver badge

            Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

            Where's a Doctor?

      2. Rich 11 Silver badge

        Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

        "Yes, do you know him?"

        "Maybe. What does he ride?"

        (OK, that wouldn't work in the US because it'd all be Harleys.)

        1. Huw D

          Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

          Did that one. The answer was "A motorbike".

          1. Robert D Bank

            Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

            or, that yummy mummy that everyone else rides

        2. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

          Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

          because it'd all be Harleys

          Real motorbikes are also available other than those semi-evolved agricultural machines..

        3. BoL

          Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

          1970 Morini 3 1/2 Sport with handcrafted suede solo saddle, Lafranconi custom balanced pipes in electric blue and new old-stock 1974 Pirelli Phantoms.

          1. Voyna i Mor Silver badge

            Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

            And backache, the curse of Morinis.

    3. Wyrdness

      Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

      There is nothing that a non-conformist dislikes more than a conformist, apart from another non-conformist who refuses to conform to the current standards on non-conformity.

      1. cream wobbly

        Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

        Startlingly, the opposite is true: there is nothing that a conformist quietly worships more than a non-conformist, apart from another conformist who refuses to veer from the current standards of conformity.

      2. Charlie Clark Silver badge

        Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

        AKA the only gay in the village.

    4. TRT Silver badge

      Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

      And of course trying to navigate ANYWHERE in East Central London at 6pm on a summer's Friday evening, dodging the grey suited wankers clogging up the pavements as they laugh loudly at the £x-gazillions they've traded today, shouting (couldn't be called talking) out of their arses and one-upping each other so far that they turn into some sort of meta-vocal human centipede...

      isn't, as I point out elsewhere, relieved by breaking northwards out of tosserville to the non-conformist and rebel-base of Old Street... and you can't escape that by heading up to Camden Lock either. In fact... you have to get as far as Archway before any semblance of normally distributed variable-person-scatter begins to seep in through the cracks in your shattered sanity.

      1. phuzz Silver badge
        Mushroom

        Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

        Take off and nuke everything inside the M25 from orbit. It's the only way to be sure

        1. ICPurvis47
          Mushroom

          Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

          And include Coventry while you're at it (please...)

    5. jmch Silver badge

      Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

      See also, goths, emos etc as well as pretty much anyone in a 'nonconformist' group who nevertheless conforms to the group standard

      1. Jolly Jeeper

        Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

        Yeah, you can only be 'different' if you look like us...

      2. Esme

        Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

        Oy! I resemble that remark! (chuckles the ex-Goth, current Steampunk)

    6. Michael Habel Silver badge

      Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

      #ORANGEMANBAD

      Oh look they all think the same way too... HOW CUTE!

    7. Charlie Clark Silver badge

      Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

      Standardised personalisation is one of marketing's most powerful weapons against us.

    8. JJKing Bronze badge

      Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

      We are Hipsters "resistance is futile", your sameness will be assimilated and we will add your biological and technological sameness to our own.

      I for one will not welcome our Hipster over / under err sameness Lords. How will we know who is in charge if they all look the same; will one be called Jeff Vader?

      1. M.V. Lipvig

        Re: Why anti-conformists always end up looking the same

        "will one be called Jeff Vader?"

        Yes, all of them, but they all pronounce it differently.

  3. Aaiieeee
    Trollface

    I understand that it's a quirk of human nature that everyone believes they are fairly unique.

    You assumed the the above statement doesn't apply to you.

    1. The Mole

      But I am unique ... just like everyone else.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      What does "fairly unique" mean? Surely it is unique, or not...

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        "Relatively unique" might have been a better word choice. And don't call me Shirley.

      2. Toltec

        I think that is the problem, most, english speaking, people think "fairly unique" means something.

        1. Anonymous Coward Silver badge
          Coat

          I don't. Neither does the AC above. That must make us fairly unique?

      3. Phil Endecott Silver badge

        The main problem with “fairly unique”, “almost unique” etc. is that there are perfectly good and less mangled alternatives - like RARE, for example.

        1. Graham Dawson

          Is there the possibility of something being unfairly unique?

          1. Am

            Yeah. When someone has a one of a kind thing that you desperately want, but can't get because it's one of a kind and the person who made it won't make another, and you can't find anyone to create a duplicate.

          2. katgod

            I would say it is in the same category as almost impossible.

        2. veti Silver badge

          "Almost unique" has a perfectly clear meaning - well, as clear as "unique" does, anyway - in the same way as a silver medallist may be said to have "almost won" their race.

          1. KittenHuffer

            Only if one person gets the Gold, 2 people get the Silver, and 3 people get the Bronze!

        3. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
          Flame

          No. Rare is not how one describes people, that's how one cooks them...

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Reminds me of that great short story (cookbook?):

            "To serve man"

      4. Michael Habel Silver badge

        ...and, then theres that age old Japanese addage about, how the noncomforist nail, will always get hammered down. So if you want to be your own man. Go climb a rock or something, and never come back.

      5. Poncey McPonceface

        You think that's bad?

        So "fairly unique" gets you 667,000 search results

        But "very unique" (which to my utter dismay I hear constantly) gets you 40,000,000!

        The thing about some unique things, they're a lot more unique than other unique things.

        1. DavCrav Silver badge

          In mathematics, fairly unique could mean unique up to isomorphism, very unique could mean unique up to canonical isomorphism.

          In the real world, if there were only one model of car, cars would be fairly unique, and would be very unique if there were only one car.

        2. aks Bronze badge

          Stay sane and don't research the different levels of infinity. Some are bigger than others!

          1. DavCrav Silver badge

            "Some are bigger than others!"

            Well, of course all infinities are different. Otherwise there would only be one. In fact, most infinities are so big that they cannot be expressed in normal mathematical language.

          2. D@v3

            infinity

            I have a hotel you might be interested in, it has an infinite number of rooms, and as it happens, each room has an infinite number of monkeys in it.

            Ah! here comes the delivery of an infinite number of typewriters, I hope we have enough.

            1. M.V. Lipvig

              Re: infinity

              Your janitorial staff, when you hire them they quit first day, don't they?

              1. Rich 11 Silver badge

                Re: infinity

                Yeah, but there's plenty more where they came from.

        3. zuckzuckgo

          Search for "unique" gets about 3,240,000,000 results so

          "unique" is very common, "very unique" is fairly unique

          and "fairly unique" is very unique by comparison.

    3. Mark 85 Silver badge

      The only ones who it seems to matter to are certain politicians who will tell you how much better they are, how much smarter, and better looking than you. I use the plural of politician because there's way too many who fit that mold. So maybe they aren't so "unigue".

    4. Mooseman Bronze badge

      Yes! we ARE all different!

      1. Andy Landy
        1. Kez
          Angel

          Obligatory: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QereR0CViMY

          Icon: Brian

    5. Teiwaz Silver badge

      I understand that it's a quirk of human nature that everyone believes they are fairly unique.

      You assumed the the above statement doesn't apply to you.

      So does that mean no one is within any demographic whatsoever, whereever and whatever?

      'Coz I find absolutely the wrong size for me. TV is either too highbrow or too lowbrow, jeans don't fit and I don't 'identify as' anything.

      If it's just I'm just a misfit (that, I can accept, having resigned myself to it), if it's everyone though what the hell is wrong with civilisation, and why are we all putting up with it?, demand a recount, a new referendum, a perscription and free alcohol, tea or coffee as we obv need it....

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    We have surely reached peak beard.

    Getting very fed up of seeing them. So if you've got one: try being an individual and shave the damn thing off. It is very unlikely to actually suit you. You probably look like a pillock. And it must be like kissing a dog's arse.

    Oh, and for the love of God, ditch the bloody North Face too, and watch your stupid backpack - there are other people on the train too, you muppet. And stop staring at your phone like a drooling imbecile.

    Jesus, you make me puke.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

      I wish I could upvote this ten million times.

      1. Swiss Anton

        Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

        And yet you use an icon with a beard.

    2. Excellentsword (Written by Reg staff)

      Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

      u ok hun? xx

      1. hplasm Silver badge
        Happy

        Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

        "u ok hun? xx"

        Jawohl!

        love, Kaiser W.

      2. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

        Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

        hun

        Prefer Vandal or Visigoth..

    3. Paul 195

      Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

      This is pretty unfair to those of us who had beards long before they were hip, and will still have them when they aren't

      1. holmegm

        Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

        70s motorcycle cop?

        1. Rich 11 Silver badge

          Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

          If you're likening me to David Soul then, yes, go for it. Then all I have to do is persuade my missus that it's true...

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

        My boss is the very example of someone improved by having a beard. We've seen him clean shaven. Children cried, dogs vomited and work colleagues refused to talk to him face to face until he grew it back.

        He's also got the body of a deity. Shame its the laughing budda...

        I myself haven't seen my chin since I left my teenage years behind.

        Anon though because my boss occasionally reads this.

        1. Omgwtfbbqtime Silver badge
          Coat

          "He's also got the body of a deity. Shame its the laughing budda..."

          Could have been Ganesh.

    4. jason 7

      Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

      Add in -

      No Socks!

      Trousers 5 inches too short!

      Ear Stretching hoops (FFS the most ugly piecing crap anyone can have)

      Sell the Macbook pro and get a Chromebook cos it's all you need to sit on Facebook all day and then you might be able to afford more than one cup of coffee for the 6 hours mooching off the cafe's wi-fi!

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Combined reply :)

        Jesus, you make me puke.

        A good thing you don't have a beard then. I shudder to think how long it would take to get that cleaned up, bleagh. That said, for me seeing it makes me itch. I've tried a bread twice, mainly to see what it was like. I usually make it to the stage where I have to be very precise with shaving, at which point the itch plus the effort to preserve the bush (as it were) just gets too much and I remove the lot.

        Ear Stretching hoops (FFS the most ugly piecing crap anyone can have)

        Actually, I like those, it makes them easy to restrain. All it takes is a padlock :).

        1. Mark 85 Silver badge
          Devil

          Re: Combined reply :)

          I've tried a bread twice, mainly to see what it was like.

          Allergic to wheat perhaps?

        2. Chris G Silver badge

          Re: Combined reply :)

          I beg to differ on the ear stretching hoops, the snot catcher nose rings through the philtrum are even uglier especially on a girl.

          Not too sure if I have ever conformed, aside from my time in the army, I have never been a member of any group so I haven't conformed to nonconformism or conformism.

          1. holmegm

            Re: Combined reply :)

            Oh come now, you conformed a little.

            You haven't worn a tricornered hat, or a toga, have you?

            We all conform ...

            1. Blofeld's Cat
              Coat

              Re: Combined reply :)

              "You haven't worn a tricornered hat, or a toga, have you?"

              I tried a bicorne and a toga once, but it didn't end well ...

              "Not tonight Josephine - I've got this stabbing pain in my back"

          2. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

            Re: Combined reply :)

            "the snot catcher nose rings through the philtrum are even uglier especially on a girl."

            So is a beard.

            1. Geoffrey W Silver badge

              Re: Combined reply :)

              There are folk who dream of hairy women. For all the internet's sins, it makes it easier to find your ideal beloved. Finding the one when all you had to go on was the local personal ads in Wigan or Oswaldtwistle meant you would probably be lonely forever. Now we can reach out to the World.

        3. Omgwtfbbqtime Silver badge
          Windows

          Re: Combined reply :)

          It is a delicate equilibrium of laziness and comfort.

          i.e. I let it grow till it itches too much - then it gets shaven. So usually around 8-10 days between shaves.

          1. Adrian 4 Silver badge

            Re: Combined reply :)

            "i.e. I let it grow till it itches too much - then it gets shaven. So usually around 8-10 days between shaves."

            You're doing it wrong. It's supposed to save you the hassle of shaving. Should last at least 6 months.

          2. Geoffrey W Silver badge

            Re: Combined reply :)

            I let the hair grow, all the hair, until someone mistakes me for the hillbilly across the gully, then I trim it. The wife doesn't seem to notice either way. Perhaps she thinks "If it's wearing underwear all day then it's him [i.e. me], if it's dressed then probably someone else."

            Working from home is fabulous. Doesn't make me a hipster.

            I think you can tell a real hipster because their beard edges are all neat and straight as a rule because they use a guide to trim them. My beard edges are all fuzzy, as are my thoughts, actions, and words.

      2. Swiss Anton

        Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

        "Ear Stretching hoops (FFS the most ugly piecing crap anyone can have)"

        Not half as ugly as the same earlobe after a stretching loop has been removed.

        1. jason 7

          Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

          Yep that's why they are quite repulsive.

      3. Antron Argaiv Silver badge
        Thumb Up

        Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

        The really cool kids are running Linux.

        ...and ditching the sox might get you toenail fungus which is a bitch and a half to get rid of.

        1. Peter Ford

          Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

          I run Linux: I think that probably scuppers your argument...

          1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

            Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

            I run Linux: I think that probably scuppers your argument

            Likewise. Cool kid I ain't and never have been..

            (Linux since the mid-90's. Most of my server VMs are Linux or FreeBSD. End-user devices are Macs..)

        2. werdsmith Silver badge

          Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

          The really cool kids are running Linux.

          Ahh, so neckbeards are the new cool then?

          1. Michael Habel Silver badge

            Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

            Yes I thought we called them gurus.

      4. Michael Habel Silver badge
        Terminator

        Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

        You also forgot the biggest fashion crime of all... The Man Bun...

        Please send in the killer Robots now ro deal with this...

        1. Poncey McPonceface
          Stop

          Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

          All joking aside and I see where you're coming from, in that the man bun is part of a conforming non-conformist uniform, but there's nothing intrinsically criminally unfashionable about a guy wearing his hair the way a gal does.

      5. SonOfDilbert
        Thumb Down

        Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

        This:

        > No Socks!

        > Trousers 5 inches too short!

        Maybe it's my age but this ^ makes me cringe.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

          Nah. If you add sandals to it, though, things get dicey.

      6. Diogenes

        Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

        Add in -

        No Socks!

        Trousers 5 inches too short!

        Ear Stretching hoops (FFS the most ugly piecing crap anyone can have)

        and brown shoes with blue or very dark grey suits !

      7. JulieM Silver badge

        Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

        They're showing off their mankles. (Or cankles .....) And they might not necessarily have gone commando-shod -- you'd be surprised just how low no-show socks can go! They aren't just for trainers anymore. You can get socks that can't be seen (much; and even then, only if you're really looking) in ballet flats or loafers, so they ought to be hard to see in an Oxford or similar shoe.

    5. STOP_FORTH

      Wow

      Have had a beard for over forty years. Deal with it.

      1. Nick Kew Silver badge

        Re: Wow

        Mine's just under 40 years. Stopped shaving in my late 'teens.

        I don't see why people want to shave them off. It ain't natural. A shaven male face is a poor substitute for a woman's face. But if others take a different view, that's their business, not mine.

        1. Tikimon Silver badge
          Angel

          Re: Wow

          I want to shave my beard because I can't friggin' stand all that hair on my face. I also have a decently manly chin on a not-unpleasant face, and don't need to use a beard to fake the chin or hide my frightening visage.

          No, it "ain't natural" as the poster said. Neither is the haircut he and other bearded ones regularly get, so that Natural argument falls right apart.

          1. JLV Silver badge

            Re: Wow

            I shave cuz mine comes out scraggly and uneven.

            If the Taliban imposed Sharia (as Quebec, Wisconsin and Sarah Palin wisely sought to prevent) I would surely be shot for offending the faithful.

            1. Rich 11 Silver badge

              Re: Wow

              I'm not sure how anyone can use 'Sarah Palin' and 'wisely' in the same sentence. Do you work for Fox News?

          2. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

            Re: Wow

            "Neither is the haircut he and other bearded ones regularly get"

            Spot the built-in assumption.

      2. CountCadaver

        Re: Wow

        Had mine now for 9 years, wife reckons I'd look odd without it.

        Its actually kept to a sane length. Problem is now I'm starting to have more hair on my chin that on my head :/

        I reckon you could easily fund medical research for centuries if you found a cure for baldness, "take this pill once a day and avoid going bald" "take 2 pills a day till hair regrows then one pill a day to maintain it"

        Would make the sales of a certain blue pill look like small fry in comparison.....

        1. werdsmith Silver badge

          Re: Wow

          My wife has told me in no uncertain terms that if I want a beard then I have to go and live in the shed.

          1. Rich 11 Silver badge

            Re: Wow

            My wife has told me in no uncertain terms that if I want a beard then I have to go and live in the shed.

            Do beards only grow in the cold?

          2. CountCadaver

            Re: Wow

            Sounds like a good trade tbh.....

        2. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

          Re: Wow

          Had mine now for 9 years, wife reckons I'd look odd without it

          I think I've only had a clean-shaven look for about 6 months of my > 30 years of marriage. I suspect my wife wouldn't recognise me without a beard..

          Maintenance is simple - hair clippers with a 5mm guard, do hair a beard at the same time. Simple, easy, effective and cheap.

    6. hmv

      Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

      Er ... some of us had beards before they were "cool" and aren't going to shave just because they are now "cool" (I haven't shaved since the 1980s).

      And the last thing on my mind is how you'd feel kissing me; you need to start by buying me pints. Lots and lots of pints.

      1. AMBxx Silver badge
        Thumb Up

        Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

        You'll know we've reached peak beard when I decide to grow one!

        1. MiguelC Silver badge

          Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

          I decide to grow one almost every Friday but by Monday I'm over it.

        2. JLV Silver badge

          Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

          You know there’s a beard bubble when your shoeshine boy has one.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

        My beard covers the scars. The scars are uglier than the beard. That about covers the beard, yes?

        1. Huw D

          Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

          Apparently"chicks dig scars"...

        2. PerspexAvenger

          Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

          I use my beard to hide my collection of chins.

          1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

            Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

            I use my beard to hide my collection of chins.

            Have a heart attack - it's an effective method of weight loss.. (down from 87kg 6 months ago to 77kg now. Which *might* be attributed to no longer drinking 5+ bottles of red wine a week..)

    7. DougS Silver badge

      Why would anyone care whether others have beards?

      I don't, never have and probably never will. But I don't give a damn whether other people have them or not, or what sort of shoes they wear, whether they have tattoos or not etc. I don't understand why anyone would care about the appearance of others.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Why would anyone care whether others have beards?

        No.

      2. baud

        Re: Why would anyone care whether others have beards?

        I don't understand why anyone would care about the appearance of others.

        Well if you're working with them, you might care about them. At least here the two hipster are on another team so that's not a problem.

      3. M.V. Lipvig

        Re: Why would anyone care whether others have beards?

        I've never cared what anyone I work with looks like. Smells like, that's another story. I can always look elsewhere but smells follow, and linger.

    8. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

      And don't get me started on that Davina McCall.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

        She doesn't have a beard does she?

        1. vogon00

          Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

          Err...yes she does. It's just it's not on public display,,,,modesty, you know..

          1. Teiwaz Silver badge

            Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

            Err...yes she does. It's just it's not on public display,,,,modesty, you know..

            pubic display then.?....

            that's not a beard, Dougal

    9. jelabarre59 Silver badge

      Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

      Getting very fed up of seeing them. So if you've got one: try being an individual and shave the damn thing off. It is very unlikely to actually suit you. You probably look like a pillock. And it must be like kissing a dog's arse.

      Doctor 5: "does he still have that rubbish beard?"

      Doctor 10: "nope. Oh, there *was* the wife..."

      (from back when the show was still *good*)

    10. asdf Silver badge

      Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

      Their looks bother me less than them thinking pulling in random stuff on the internet for a nightly build is best practice.

    11. Charlie Clark Silver badge

      Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

      And it must be like kissing a dog's arse.

      I wouldn't know because I've never kissed a dog's arse but I'll take your word for it. I've had a beard for over 20 years and the missus is happy with it. Once it gets past stubble it's much softer and smoother than scraped skin, which incidentally is an great invitation to infections. As the skin produces the relevant oils to protect itself there is no need for all those shitty beer care products. A trim every couple of weeks is all you need.

      1. ICPurvis47
        Facepalm

        Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

        I have had a beard since the day I left school at 19. I had it when I met my wife, and she liked it, so it stayed. Many years later, I arrived at work one morning after having trimmed my beard, and my boss noticed and remarked on the fact. I told her that my wife had suggested that I gave it a trim because "kissing me was like kissing the Wild Man of Borneo". My boss replied "How does she know?"

      2. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

        Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

        As the skin produces the relevant oils to protect itself

        I wish I could upvote you more than once.

        Of course, a similar arguement can be applied to the various lotions and potions that people slather on themselves to 'moisturise'[1] but t'wife and I have agreed not to discuss that any more..

        [1] Normal skin produces sufficient oils to keep itself moisturised but people insist on washing it off at every available opportunity. And then slather on artificial oils[2] which leads to the oil producing less oils.. it's a vicous circle.

        [2] Why the hell do they think plant oils benefit the skin? Most of them are pretty toxic..

        1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

          Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

          Why the hell do they think plant oils benefit the skin? Most of them are pretty toxic

          Probably because the vast majority have no idea of the chemistry and biochemistry and so trust what the adverts and magazine articles (basically longer adverts) tell them.

          It's horses for courses, of course, olive oil is pretty good at removing dirt and it's slightly acidic. I have to use rubber gloves when doing the washing up because all the detergents dry my skin out so much that it breaks but I have found Eucerin (with lanolin and urea) pretty good for handwashing when water isn't sufficient. Normally I avoid lanolin for exactly the reasons you list, especially for lip balms (use bees wax or vaseline if you must), but I've found that to be okay for hands.

          When it comes to hair care… well although SWMBO loves stroking my hair and knows that I only ever wash it with water, she won't do so herself. As you say, at some point, you have to know when to drop it.

      3. baud
        Windows

        Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

        > beer care products

        Beer doesn't need anything else, just a (pint-sized) glass

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

          Feck that, I can drink from the bottle, thanks.

          1. Anomalous Cowturd
            Flame

            Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

            @AC re: Feck that, I can drink from the bottle, thanks.

            HIPSTER!!! Burn him!

    12. ArrZarr Silver badge
      Devil

      Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

      Getting very fed up of people thinking that how other people choose to present themselves is any of their business, so if you are: try being an individual and let them be as it has nothing to do with you*. You definitely sound like a pillock. And it sounds like all you ever taste is a dog's arse.

      Oh, and for the love of God, ditch the bloody "Wiser than thou" attitude, and think about how somebody could take the piss out of your post - there are other assholes on the internet too, you muppet. And keep sitting there staring out the window like a drooling imbecile.

      Jesus, you make me puke.

      *outside of a professional environment

      1. jason 7

        Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

        I can lend you some longer trousers and socks if it would help?

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

          I do't have a beard, wear socks and trouser length conforms to your high standards.

          But you sir are a first rate pillock.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

        You have a beard, wear North Face and I win £5.

    13. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

      Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

      Some of us had beards *before* they were trendy. Not so much the desire to have a beard, more the desire to not have to shave.

      Beard oil? That's what happens if you don't wash your beard!

    14. David Nash Silver badge

      Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

      Nothing wrong with backpacks. What do you prefer, a Ford Prefect-style satchel?

    15. MonkeyCee Silver badge

      Re: We have surely reached peak beard.

      First of all, it's OK dude, if you can't grow a beard there's nothing wrong with that.

      "Getting very fed up of seeing them. So if you've got one: try being an individual and shave the damn thing off."

      The norm for me was that men are expected to shave. So what you mean is please conform and shave.

      "It is very unlikely to actually suit you."

      Being 40 with the face of a teenager doesn't suit me. Having stubble* unless I've shaved in the last hour doesn't suit me. My options for looking professional at work are to trim my beard a couple of times a week or shave 3+ times a day.

      "You probably look like a pillock. "

      Sure, but that's got nothing to do with the beard :)

      " And it must be like kissing a dog's arse."

      In terms of partner and kid complaints about kissing me, it's only ever after shaving or trimming. Like the hair on the rest of your body, it's pretty soft, and gets softer the longer it's around. Assuming you brush it, the natural oils will make it nice and soft.

      So unless you shave each time before you kiss someone, beard >>> stubble for comfort purposes.

      My memories of my dad and uncles with beards is also that they were very soft. So not sure which beards you've been kissing, but obviously the wrong ones :)

      "Oh, and for the love of God, ditch the bloody North Face too, and watch your stupid backpack - there are other people on the train too, you muppet. And stop staring at your phone like a drooling imbecile."

      That's pretty specific.... bad commute in this morning? I'm gonna guess (since you're AC) that you were too scared of the response to actually call them on their shitty bag etiquette. Luckily I'm in the the Netherlands, so if people are being pricks with their bags etc on public transport I just call them out. Teenagers rather than hipsters, but I'm sure it works as well.

      As for hating hipsters, it'd be easier if they didn't like many of the same things as me, for apparently the same reasons, I've got a fixed wheel bike** as one of my commuting bikes, I do woodwork, I like tasty beer, I wear chucks, I vape rather than smoke, I like practical clothing and I have facial hair. Mind you, I don't live anywhere cool, my beard is far too short for hipster cred (or joining ISIS) and my hair styling is about as basic as you can get.

      * dark hair + pale skin = visible stubble pretty much immediately

      ** oma fietes - grandma bike

    16. arctic_haze Silver badge

      "Jesus, you make me puke"

      Jesus did have a beard but this is no reason to puke!

  5. Teiwaz Silver badge

    Plaid shirt?

    Used to be popular in the 90's (well, popular in counter-culture circles) to declare a formerly edgy bar or nightclub dead once the checkshirt wearing students started turning up....

    1. Chuunen Baka

      Re: Plaid shirt?

      Further back, in the 1980's the plaid shirt (plus mustache) was the hallmark of the gay clone.

    2. asdf Silver badge

      Re: Plaid shirt?

      90s plaid makes me think of Red Green as much as it does Seattle.

      1. Antron Argaiv Silver badge

        Re: Plaid shirt?

        Remember...we're all in this together.

        Keep your stick on the ice

        1. Poncey McPonceface
          Coat

          Re: Plaid shirt?

          Or as AvE says, “Keep your dick in a vice.”

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Plaid shirt?

            Used to like AvE, however of late at times he's been slating products that he broke in disassembly and then calling it crap....despite others pointing out that the tool works perfectly fine, the issue was he broke something / left parts out.......

            More a Project Farm fan, Mustie1 is decent also, albeit I find his videos a bit on the long side and often wouldn't mind a condensed version rather than an hour long odyssey...

            David McLuckie is pretty good also

        2. CountCadaver

          Re: Plaid shirt?

          I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess.

          Quando omni flunkus moritati - a decent life motto....

    3. Spanners Silver badge
      Pirate

      Re: Plaid shirt?

      For the 95% of humanity outside the USA, this actually means Tartan Shirt.

      Plaid is not a pattern. It is a large piece of cloth worn over the shoulder. It may not even need to have a pattern on it although I've never seen one that isn't tartan.

      1. find users who cut cat tail
        Coat

        Re: Plaid shirt?

        I must be in the 5% then. I couldn't describe what either means. Bloody English fashion jargon...

  6. Jason Bloomberg Silver badge
    Pint

    The man in the mirror

    I once had the shock of my life when I was flicking through a copy of the Radio Times and there I was! WTF?!?

    Turns out it was Tom Cruise in a still from Born on the 4th of July, scraggly hair, thick moustache.

    I still wonder what Tom Cruise thinks about looking like me.

    1. Flywheel Silver badge

      Re: The man in the mirror

      Hmmm, I look like remarkably like Randy Quaid (the one with the beard). Fortunately the similarity ends there and I don't have his lifestyle/debts/etc.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: The man in the mirror

        There is only one place for etc and it is /

        1. Adrian 4 Silver badge

          Re: The man in the mirror

          I heard it was going to be moved to the new /systemd.

          1. STOP_FORTH
            Linux

            Re: The man in the mirror

            Just no.

    2. Caver_Dave
      Unhappy

      Re: The man in the mirror

      I've been stopped in London a few times and asked for my autograph by Yanks saying "Aren't you the guy from ... film?" I've even had two Yanks think that I was Tom Cruise, and I'm nearly a foot taller than him!

      I think that our water must be stronger than the P155 they call beer at home, and it affects their eyesight!

      1. CountCadaver

        Re: The man in the mirror

        I've been told by a few people they know someone whose my spitting image, in a few cases even down to mannerisms (and most of those are from countries I've never visited or from people who are 2 decades older than I am) Enough to make you ponder if "The Matrix" was plausible deniability....

        On a sadder note, I met up with someone I knew in Australia, her friend loudly yelled out "that looks like your brother" to her friend, cue an elbow to the ribs "thats who we're meeting". Never met the guy but a few weeks later she told me that this girl's brother was standing at bus stop when a car mounted the pavement and mowed him down. :/

        1. werdsmith Silver badge

          Re: The man in the mirror

          When I was late teens, early 20s I was frequently mistaken for a very prominent singer of the time. He didn't have a beard either.

        2. MonkeyCee Silver badge

          Re: The man in the mirror

          My doppelganger is a Russian ballet dancer, with the same first name.

          I found this out when I was at a party and a lass he'd hooked up with the previous weekend was there, and she was pissed off with me ignoring her, then "faking" a british accent to claim I was someone else. Oh, and I'd grown six inches in a week :D

    3. J.G.Harston Silver badge

      Re: The man in the mirror

      I was shocked to see myself on the front cover of the first issue of Your Spectrum.

      1. ZXDunny

        Re: The man in the mirror

        That was the very first issue, wasn't it?

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        I was shocked

        I was shocked to see myself in a centrefold, but I did have a nice beard.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: I was shocked

          I've given up on centrefolds, my tongue always gets stuck in the staples.

          :)

    4. Joe W

      Re: The man in the mirror

      When bearded I look (OK, used to look) like El Che, there is a picture with him and a dog. The similarity is... striking.

  7. disgruntled yank Silver badge

    Beanie?

    In American usage, "beanie" is more or less the same thing as a skullcap. (Except that it can include extras such as little plastic propellor.) I'd say the man in the stock photo is wearing a "stocking cap" or a "ski hat".

    I no longer have a beard. I do still wear flannel shirts and stocking caps, but if it is cold enough for the latter, there is a coat hiding the former. And when I was the hipster's age, "hipsters" were an artifact of the past, a breed that went extinct about 1960. Oh, well.

    1. The Mole

      Re: Beanie?

      In British English that does appear to be a beanie, I thought a skull cap was one of those dressing up props that make you look bald? No idea what a stocking cap is either. Though that might just be an indication of my lack of fashion knowledge and not a real critique on the differences between US and UK english.

      1. Toltec

        Re: Beanie?

        As a lad they were either bobble hats, if with bobble, or ski hats if without bobble. A beanie was an American smooth woven rather than knitted cap, possibly with propeller on top, similar to a baseball cap, but without the peak.

        1. Duffy Moon

          Re: Beanie?

          "As a lad they were either bobble hats, if with bobble, or ski hats if without bobble"

          When I were a lad (70s), they were either bobble hats or just woolie hats. I'd never heard of a beanie until I saw Bob Clampett's Beany & Cecil cartoon. Beany wore a beanie (obviously) and it had a propellor and no peak.

        2. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

          Re: Beanie?

          possibly with propeller on top

          Someone has been reading Mad magasine again..

      2. WolfFan Silver badge

        Re: Beanie?

        Stocking cap: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Knit_cap

        Beanie, complete with propeller: https://www.villagehatshop.com/product/beanies/451139-2938/propeller-beanie-hat.html

        Stocking caps, a.k.a. toques to citizens of the Great White North, are headgear allegedly designed to keep your head warm in the kind of temperatures found in the GWN in all months of the year except August and maybe July. (There's a reason why it's the Great White North... pix from a typical town in the GWN in spring, a.k.a. "it's still bloody snowing out, and the damn bears are in a playful mood." http://peterblahut.ca/galleries/manitoba-2/churchill-manitoba/) Beanies, with or without propellers, are designed to make the wearer look Jewish or silly or both. Unless it's a red beanie and the wearer is also wearing red robes, which means that he's attempting to look like a Cardinal, which may or may not be a good thing but perhaps small children should stay away anyway. https://www.cnbc.com/2017/12/20/cardinal-law-central-figure-in-church-abuse-scandal-dies.html

        1. Groaning Ninny

          Re: Beanie?

          Upvoted purely for the polar bear pics (and the bunnies, I guess).

    2. TRT Silver badge

      Re: Beanie?

      Heck. When I worked at RadioShack Cannuck (aka Intertan), they rang up on the tills as RSToques.

    3. andrewj

      Re: Beanie?

      I thought beanie was the smell that comes 12 hours after eating a burrito.

    4. ST Silver badge
      Angel

      Re: Beanie?

      > In American usage, "beanie" is more or less the same thing as a skullcap.

      Not quite.

      US Navy sailors wear caps (a.k.a. skullcaps). I.e. watch cap when you're on watch duty.

      A watch cap is a very well defined sailor accessory: it must wrap your noggin tight and keep you warm. It's usually made of wool, it's colored dark navy, and usually has your ship and/or "NAVY" embroidered on it.

      A beanie is some kind of shapeless bag of knitted fabric that you put on your head.

      Sailors don't do beanies. Only the Army wears those.

      1. Omgwtfbbqtime Silver badge

        "Sailors don't do beanies. Only the Army wears those."

        That's because they don't teach how to shape your beret properly.

        Difference between a US Army beret and the USS Nimitz?

        One is oversized, grey, and flat enough to land planes on, the other is the USS Nimitz.

        1. Ghostman

          Re: "Sailors don't do beanies. Only the Army wears those."

          Sorry son, but mine fit just right. Didn't lose it when flying in a chopper, running across the ground, or rappelling down the ropes. I would stuff it in my blouse when doing a jump.

          Mine was black in color, had the "subdued" butter bar, and the hard won Ranger tab.

          This was back about 1972 before the black beret meant "I just got out of Basic."

    5. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Re: Beanie?

      When I was a lad, they locally were called "ski caps" even though in Ohio, no one skied. Then Doug and Bob McKenzie became a "thing" in pop culture, the name changed to "touk".

    6. Charlie Clark Silver badge

      Re: Beanie?

      Nicely parodied in Portlandia. Twice.

  8. Flip

    I've chuckled over these for years

    Demotivational Posters

    1. Happy_Jack

      Re: I've chuckled over these for years

      I Can't Get Past The Unnecessary Capitalisation In Those Demotivational Posters.

  9. steviebuk Silver badge

    So...

    ...if calling a Hipster and Hipster is slander then is calling me a cock also slander (I may or may not be a cock).

    Hipsters are tits. Is that slander?

    1. Fred Flintstone Gold badge

      Re: So...

      Hipsters are tits. Is that slander?

      No. Stating a fact isn't slander.

      :)

    2. MJB7 Bronze badge

      Re: So...

      No. Calling someone a cock or a tit falls under mere "vulgar abuse".

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: So...

        "wotcher cock" was a standard east London greeting and in no way vulgar

        1. hplasm Silver badge
          Happy

          Re: So...

          " "wotcher cock" was a standard east London greeting and in no way vulgar"

          And sometimes a warning...

        2. MonkeyCee Silver badge

          Re: So...

          Yes, but it's pretty situational :)

          I'll my antipodean friends with a "hey cunts, what's up?" but I'm pretty sure that calling someone one would be offensive.

          1. BoL

            Re: So...

            My American associates don’t grasp the full nuance of the Kiwi cunt.

            Well, eventually they do and I can hear them muttering it under their breath as I enter or leave a room, but it’s notgot quite the same warmth about it.

    3. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: So...

      "Hipsters are tits. Is that slander?"

      Not possible if no one self-identifies as a hipster. They can't take offence if they are not hipsters :-)

    4. veti Silver badge

      Re: So...

      No. Statements of opinion are not slanderous, no matter how well or poorly founded or thought out they may be.

      In addition, statements can only be slanderous (or libellous) if it is possible to identify who they are referring to, and the person/group in question is small enough and clearly enough defined that it can credibly be described as potentially affecting their reputation.

      Examples:

      "Steviebuk is a tit" - statement of opinion, fine.

      "No commentard has an IQ above 85" - a large and vaguely defined group, fine.

      "veti has an IQ below 85" - framed as a statement of fact, directed at a specific person - potentially actionable, except that even under UK law you can't libel yourself...

    5. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: So...

      >Hipsters are tits.

      Objection yer Honour. Ladies breasts serve a useful (and decorative) function.

  10. TRT Silver badge

    They may have a point...

    I mean any trip to Camden Lock is like a visit to The Matrix on Super Patch Tuesday when it has slowed right down and is glitching all over. Am I right?

  11. cat_mara

    When life imitates "Nathan Barley"

    Was he a self-facilitating media node though, yeah?

  12. Jeffrey Nonken Silver badge

    Meh. You non-conformists are all alike.

  13. Stevie Silver badge

    Bah!

    I thought hipsters were a kind of ladies trousers.

    Now I’m just confused.

    1. katrinab Silver badge

      Re: Bah!

      It is a type of underwear. You'll find them in the men's department as well.

    2. Kubla Cant Silver badge

      Re: Bah!

      Men's trousers too, in the 60s. They came before bell-bottoms and eventually died out around the time of tank-tops.

      1. Stevie Silver badge

        Re: Bah!

        Tank tops would be turrets?

        My word the fashion world is confusing.

  14. katrinab Silver badge
    Headmaster

    Case not proven

    It doesn't prove that all hipsters look alike, because only one hipster called to complain that he looked like the man in the photo.

    1. Androgynous Cupboard Silver badge

      Re: Case not proven

      Apparently several others would have called but realised they'd done it already.

  15. rdhood

    Anti conformists with a similar lifestyle...maybe....

    The neo-nazi anti confirmists tend to look alike, and the hipster anti conformists tend to look a like BUT the hipsters do NOT look like the neo Nazis. Thus, I hypothesize, the universe of anti conformists DO NOT tend to look alike.

  16. Spamfast Bronze badge

    Given all the fun vitriol about beards (have one myself - mostly because it's easier than shaving every day), North Face backpacks & yukky ear bling, would it be appropriate for me to reference Amstrong & Miller ponytail?

    1. Joe W

      I found a beard to be more work than shaving all of the face. Ending up with a symmetrical result when either drunk or still half asleep (shaving before you go to bed or when you get up) is difficult. Shaving all of the strange figure's face peeping at you from the bathroom mirror in the morning is easier. YMMV, obviously.

      1. Spamfast Bronze badge
        Pint

        Shaving all of the strange figure's face peeping at you from the bathroom mirror in the morning is easier.

        He-he. YMMV indeed. But a waterproof beard trimmer & a heated (non-steaming-up) mirror in the shower makes it easier to get the face-fungus fairly uniform if you're happy to use a single, short trimmer setting.

        However I can't help remembering what my grandma said to me when I first grew it out in my teens; "Why cultivate round your face what grows wild round your arse?"

  17. Sulley

    So many w*nkers, so little time...

  18. DMCADIEDIE

    Bottom line if the topic of conversation is a corporation, it is not only allowed but strongly advised to slander and talk as ruthless and resentful as possible. But in the case it's an actual person, the best general practice is to pretend they're pointing a gun at your face. If you think what you're about to say might result in getting yourself shot in the face, probably you shouldn't say it.

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Dark comedy

    I think all these so-called "Hipsters" look like clones in their plaid shirts and beanies.

    #GothForever

  20. This post has been deleted by its author

  21. MasterofDisaster

    King Missile - "Saturday" Lyrics

    I want to be different, Like everybody else I want to be like

    I want to be just like all the different people

    I have no further interest in being the same

    Because I have seen different all around

    And now I know that that's what I want

    I don't want to blend in and be indistinguishable

    I want to be a part of the different crowd

    And assert my individuality with others

    Who are different like me

    I don't want to be identical to anyone or anything

    I don't even want to be identical to myself

    I want to look in the mirror and wonder

    "Who is that person? I've never seen that person before;

    I've never seen anyone like that before"

    I want to call into question the very idea that identity can be attached

    I want a floating shifting ever changing persona:

    Invisiblility and obscurity

    Detachment from the ego and all of it's pursuits

    Unity is useless

    Conformity is competitive and divisive and leads only to stagnation and death

    If what I'm saying doesn't make any sens

    That's because sense can not be made

    It's something that must be sensed

    And I, for one, and incensed by by all this complacency

    Why oppose only when there's a war?

    Why defend the clinics only when they're attacked?

    Why are we always reactive?

    Lets activate something

    Lets fuck shit up

    Whatever happened to revolution for the hell of it?

    Whatever happened to protesting nothing in particular, just

    Protesting because its Saturday, and there's nothing else to do?

    Songwriters: John S. Hall / Roger Murdock

    It's Saturday lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc

  22. Trixr Bronze badge

    Different (sub)cultures

    Eh, I don't think it's a big surprise that we want to conform to different standards. I might be a woman, but there's no way in hell I'm going to perm my hair, paint my nails and wear skirts. So yeah, I "conform" to the "big old dyke" look (because that happens to be my natural style, because that's what I am).

    Nothing to do with being rebellious at all, and I'd say for most people adopting a particular subculture look, they're doing it because the look happens to appeal to them. And perhaps the subcultural package as a whole - I look queer, and a) it's great advertising for those who might fancy me; b) I don't get many blokes trying to chat me up (bonus).

    Mind you, Mr Precious "I'm Not A" Hipster in the story just got what was coming to him. And of course there are those insecure idiots who adopt the subculture package without *any* individuality at all - I have never worn a rainbow garment, and I never will. Some people like rainbows, and they're straight as a ruler.

  23. Scott 29
    Trollface

    The old days

    Reminds me of a cartoon in a punk zine back in the day:

    “We’re corporate”

    “We’re desperate”

    “We’re out of it”

    With crowds of similar-looking people.

    “Wear doggy shit”

    With one punk, and some logs on his shoulders

  24. Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

    *scratches beard*

    Ok then.

  25. itzman
    Paris Hilton

    Anti-conformism

    is of course conformism to the opposite set of standards

    The real solution is not to rebel, just to ignore conformism.

    As the old adage goes

    "An Oxford man walks around as if he owns the place"

    "A Cambridge man walks around as if he doesn't give a damn who owns the place".

  26. This post has been deleted by its author

  27. Greg Regis
  28. Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse Silver badge

    Hipsters are hardly "counterculture", they are barely "anyculture"...

    So walk into a Shoreditch coffee house and ask the occupants to put their hands in the air if they know or have ever seen a "hipster"; and to quote Brendan Frye... you'd get a crowd of full pockets.

    Like almost all tribes throughout history, people identify themselves as part of that tribe by wearing similar clothes or markings etc. etc. so the research here itself is not surprising; what is hilarious though is that the somewhat overly-spotted common hipster (A) doesn't have the self-awareness to identify itself as a hipster in the first-place, and (B) they seem to take it as an insult (and start crying) if you try to point out to them that they are...

  29. livin' thing
    Go

    Well I think we've covered that topic pretty well.

  30. VinceLortho
    WTF?

    Thought it was Just Me

    Walked into an IT job interview and six identical lumberjacks looked up as I entered the room. I thought I was being pranked.

    1. JJKing Bronze badge
      Coat

      Re: Thought it was Just Me

      Were you ok?

      Did you work all night and work all day, wear high heals, suspender and a bra and want to be just like your dad?

      Just picking up my trainee lumberjack kit on my way out the door.

  31. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    All 20-something women

    1. Long straight hair; brown.

    2. Puffer jacket with fake fur around hood.

    3. Bobble hat with large furry bobble if cold, else sunglasses perched on top of head.

    4. Generic black leggings.

    5. Tiny backpack.

    6. Single use plastic water bottle.

    7. Monochrome Nike trainers or black block heel ankle boots.

    8. Phone in tatty case with cracked screen.

    9. Crease in the front of the neck caused by staring at that phone for 23 hours day.

    I don't know how people actually tell them apart, unless it's by smell. It can't be by looks or personality.

  32. BoL

    As a bearded eccentric rider of strange bicycles, old Moto Guzzis and driver of ancient Citroens I often get mistaken for a hipster.

    The corduroy and cardigan, hand-tooled brogues, home-felted alpaca cap, WWII guardsmans braces, pipe and Russian steel specs are items I’ve owned for at least two decades.

    Other than getting more portly and assuming a grey hue, I’ve looked like this since the 80s, so am I following a trend, or is it following me?

    I wonder if my sarong-at-home will catch on. My wife hates it.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Jesus. Just buy some new clothes and stop being so bloody smug.

  33. Simon Ward

    I tried growing a beard once - the 'itchy phase' was absolute hell, but once through that it wasn't actually too bad, and relatively low maintenance too.

    Then I realised that having more hair on my chin than on top of my head was bloody embarrassing - being a slaphead and looking like you've swallowed a bear and left its arse hanging out are not a good combo. I've not had a 'close' shave for a while (sensitive skin, and all that) so a going over with the clippers every so often does the trick for me.

    Much as the bearded, man-bun'd set make me want to reach for the Clue-by-Four[tm], I won't deny that their appetite for moustache wax, beard oil and other accoutrements does a very good job at keeping my employer in business and, by extension, paying my wages.

  34. bill.abbott

    Re: Complaining hipster misidentifies stock image as himself

    My late, first, wife published 26 issues of "Bitch, the Woman's Rock Mag with Bite" back in the 1980s. In one issue, a photos-with-captions piece tested Roth's Hypotheses, wherein David Lee Roth, singer with Van Halen, asserted that most rock critics preferred Elvis Costello to Van Halen because most rock critics *looked* like Elvis Costello... as in fact they did.

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