back to article Eggheads want YOU to name Jupiter's five newly found moons ‒ and yeah, not so fast with Moony McMoonface

The Carnegie Institution for Science, a research hub headquartered in America's capital, is asking for the public’s help to name five of Jupiter’s newly discovered moons. A team of astronomers discovered twelve satellites orbiting the gas giant last year. As the most massive planet in the Solar System, Jupiter has the largest …

  1. Nolveys Silver badge

    Screw Your Rules

    Name them:

    • We Do Not Really Understand The Economy, Hope You Are Working On That
    • Take Some Time To Learn About World War Two
    • We Invented The Internet
    • Moony McMoonface
    • Good Luck

    1. Dan 55 Silver badge

      Re: Screw Your Rules

      • Attempt No Landing Here (this is a local moon for local Lunarians).

      1. Rafael #872397
        Devil

        Re: Screw Your Rules

        Moony McMoonface won't be allowed. ... But it's not the name of one of Jupiter's or Zeus' lovers or spawn.

        How do you know? That guy was a horn dog!

    2. Mips
      Childcatcher

      Re: Screw Your Rules

      On the other hand....one two three four five.

      What’s that Primus and Septimus, you don’t like that?

  2. Joe Gurman

    Didn't....

    Harpo and Chico ride in a (trash can) chariot at the end of Horse Feathers? That could qualify them as Greek or Roman heroes. And by extension, Zeppo, Gummo, and of course, Groucho.

    1. Michael Habel Silver badge
      Unhappy

      Re: Didn't....

      Alass none of them end in either an "a", or an, "e" though...

      1. jmch Silver badge

        Re: Didn't....

        "Alass none of them end in either an "a", or an, "e" though..."

        If one of the criteria is 'related to Jupiter / Zeus' and another is 'ends in e or a', surely that is a pretty definite list to choose from. I mean, I know Roman / Greek gods were legendarily promiscous, but that list is anyway not going to be more than a few dozen names is it?

        1. FrogsAndChips Bronze badge

          Re: Didn't....

          https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zeus#Consorts_and_offspring is a good place to start and lists more than 300. -a and -e endings reduce that to about 130, of which you need to remove those already taken as moons of Jupiter or other celestial bodies (found several asteroids).

          From those that don't appear to be taken, I would like to see that one Dike:

          Dike left Earth for the sky, from which, as the constellation [Virgo], she watched the despicable human race. After her departure, the human race declined into the Bronze Age, when diseases arose and they learned how to sail.

          1. Grooke

            Re: Didn't....

            As it's an alternate spelling of "dyke", you might run afoul of:

            "Submissions must not be offensive in any language or to any culture"

        2. This post has been deleted by its author

      2. Tigra 07 Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: Didn't....

        What about Biggus Dickus? No e or a at the end though...

        1. Ken Shabby
          Coat

          Re: Didn't....

          How about his wife? Incontinentia....

  3. Mystic Megabyte Silver badge
    FAIL

    I suppose that Nike is out of the running (pun alert) being the God of exploding trainers :)

    https://news.sky.com/story/zion-williamson-hotly-tipped-basketball-players-trainers-explode-as-obama-watches-11643940

    1. Mage Silver badge
      Paris Hilton

      Re: Nike

      She's a Greek Goddess and she and her pals are companions of Zeus. Goddess of Victory, hence portrayed in relief on an Olympus pocket watch.

      The overpriced trainers weren't the the first people to use her name. Certainly Nike Inc. should only have exclusive use for Trainers.

      And Styx the daughter of Ocean was joined to Pallas and bore Zelus (Emulation) and trim-ankled Nike (Victory) in the house. Also she brought forth Cratos (Strength) and Bia (Force), wonderful children.

      I suppose the name might be considered too commercial. Companions of Zeus might have been occasional lovers?

      Paris, because he was a prince of Troy in Greek mythology and we know what the Greek gods and goddesses are most famous for.

      1. Nick Kew Silver badge

        Talking of Pallas ...

        Does springing whole from Zeus' head count as a descendant for these purposes?

        Not that one would want to relegate Athene to a mere moon.

        1. LDS Silver badge

          Re: Talking of Pallas ...

          Pallas is already an asteroid - I guess many useful names could have been given to asteroids in the past, when they didn't though they would have discovered so many asteroids and moons....

          Anyway as Latin names were used, it would be Minerva - but it's being already used as well.

          Anyway, I would call Minerva the hypothetical large planet lurking in the Kuiper belt - it has to be really clever and wise to be able to hide itself for a so long time from humankind...

          1. Symon Silver badge
            Coat

            Re: Talking of Pallas ...

            And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting

            On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;

            And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon’s that is dreaming,

            And the lamp-light o’er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;

            And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor

            Shall be lifted—nevermore!

          2. loco_wunee

            Re: Talking of Pallas ...

            Perhaps Mulva then?

            I think she had something spectacular about her.

  4. LDS Silver badge

    Did they get to the end of their list of Jupiter's mistresses and rape victims?

    I would start to name them after prominent women in astronomy and space exploration...

    1. Kubla Cant Silver badge

      Re: Did they get to the end of their list of Jupiter's mistresses and rape victims?

      They could just call all the moons MeToo.

    2. Mycho Silver badge

      Re: Did they get to the end of their list of Jupiter's mistresses and rape victims?

      Certainly Semele Daniels already had an asteroid named after her.

  5. John70

    So what the eggheads are saying is that they cannot come up with any names following those rules?

  6. AndrueC Silver badge
    Joke

    This is getting ridiculous. When I was growing up Jupiter only had 14 moons and that should be enough for any planet!

    1. Rich 11 Silver badge

      I was thinking the same. All these Mooney-come-latelies are just hangers-on.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        All these Mooney-come-latelies are just hangers-on.

        Mere inter-planetary dag-nuts. I suppose we can't persuade the International Committee of Boring Astronomical Names to accept

        Dangleberry

        Winnit

        Chugnut

        Klingon

        Clag

        And any related international contributions?

    2. Steve K Silver badge

      Proteus

      I didn't see any orbituaries for Proteus?

  7. Richard Simpson

    Every language and culture

    Here we have one of these ridiculous and unenforceable rules. How exactly is anyone going to determine that the name they come up with isn't offensive in any language or culture? I can't begin to imagine how anyone on earth could be sufficiently multi-lingual to know this. How do we even know that there isn't some remote Amazonian tribe who find the word "Jupiter" tremendously offensive?

    1. niksgarage

      Re: Every language and culture

      Belgium.

      1. Big_Boomer

        Re: Every language and culture

        Nah, that's Jupiler and it's a beer.

        1. Mark 85 Silver badge

          Re: Every language and culture

          Beer? Why not a horse? Maybe one of a different color or with no name.....

      2. Dr Andrew A. Adams

        Re: Every language and culture

        Belgium, man. Belgium!

      3. Michael Habel Silver badge
        Alien

        Re: Every language and culture

        No wonder the the rest of the polite Galaxy will have nothing to do with us... Plus Cricket!

    2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: Every language and culture

      I was thinking the same thing re this "offensive" condition. Surely by definition, naming something after a god from one or two specific (or two versions of one specific) religion is going to be offensive to the adherents of many other religions since by definition they are honouring false gods. Not to mention those who don't believe in any gods.

  8. niksgarage

    Shame about the rules

    I was going to suggest naming them after the pilots of the Angels in Captain Scarlet:

    Rhapsody, Harmony, Melody, Symphony and Destiny.

    Yes, I know that Destiny doesn't really fit with the others, but I guess Gerry and Sylvia also had problems trying to get a group of five names to fit into some contrived rules-based namespace.

    1. Mage Silver badge
      Paris Hilton

      Re: Shame about the rules

      Adrestia (Ancient Greek: Ἀδρήστεια) in Greek mythology "she who cannot be escaped".

      She should have been the name of the squad leader. Destiny (in terms of retribution) is a slightly related name. Though retribution is more Nemises. Nemesis also called Rhamnousia or Rhamnusia, she's not a goddess to annoy either. The the Moirai or Moerae (the Fates, a little like the Norse Norns) are the representation of destiny. You'd only want them for three moons linked in some way that you didn't want named separately, Moira Alpha, Beta & Gamma. The Moirai were among Zeus's children. Seems Zeus might have had a lot of lovers.

      Um… Adrestia ends in "a". Zeus might have um, liked her occasionally?

    2. devTrail

      Re: Shame about the rules

      You could get closer, the English translation of the ancient Greek word for destiny is Fate, that fits the rules.

  9. JimmyPage Silver badge
    Joke

    Wasn't "Brexite" a Greek God ?

    (No I know, but Brexiteers wouldn't ...)

    1. Mage Silver badge

      Re: Wasn't "Brexite" a Greek God ?

      I feel the Greeks surely had a god of Exits.

      The Roman Janus (two faced), is of beginnings and endings. Where ALL Roman gods simply copies of greek ones? Julius Caesar thought all gods where the same ones because of the Greek & Roman thing.

      1. LDS Silver badge

        "Where ALL Roman gods simply copies of greek ones?"

        No, and while many of them came from a common cultural substratum - probably the Indo-European one - which made easier to map them (as you can even map gods from other cultures as well) , there were some more specific ones.

        Janus is a good example of a god which had no Greek counterpart.

        Julius believed there were so many gods you could even add a new one - himself...

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: "Where ALL Roman gods simply copies of greek ones?"

          Julius believed there were so many gods you could even add a new one - himself...

          Good call. Let's name these rubbish moons after crap dictators - Julius, Adolf, That-fat-kid, Jozef, Fidel, Pol, etc

          1. baud

            Re: "Where ALL Roman gods simply copies of greek ones?"

            The team leader on my left is called Pol. I think he'd be happy to have a moon called after him.

        2. JimmyPage Silver badge
          Boffin

          Re: Julius believed there were so many gods you could even add a new one - himself...

          I thought he was against being made a living god, and turned it down ? As Augustus would have (except Livia persuaded him it was "good for Rome").

          After that, of course it was no holds barred ... Tiberius, Caligula, Claudius, Nero ...

          If you like your history with debate you could argue that it was the insistence of the Romans on treating their living emperors as Gods which made the Jewish problem intractable. Generally Romans didn't give a fig what god(s) anyone bothered with. But they insisted on worshipping the emperor as a God .....

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Julius believed there were so many gods you could even add a new one - himself...

            If you like your history with debate you could argue that it was the insistence of the Romans on treating their living emperors as Gods which made the Jewish problem intractable.

            Ahhh. I now understand why Jeremy Corbyn and his party have a not dissimilar problem.

            I suppose they could try nailing a rebellious millennial Labour MP (and defector) to a wooden cross as a short term fix. But longer term that might beget even bigger problems.

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    All these foreign moons

    Coming over to Jupiter and taking up our orbits!

  11. muddysteve

    Zeusy McZeusface

    Sorted.

  12. revenant Bronze badge

    All about - Moons

    Hoo, Toodloo, Chickedy, Chick and Peekaboo.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: All about - Moons

      Terrible, Ruptured, Ugly, Miniature, and Prison.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Pugh, Pugh, Barney McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble, Grubb

    surely ?

  14. caffeine addict Silver badge

    [...] it isn’t too surprising it has some extra cosmic hangers-on. Jupiter has 79 moons, Saturn is second with 62 confirmed satellites, and third is Uranus with 27.

    Uranus may have 27 hangers-on. Mine, however...

  15. Joe Harrison Silver badge

    In fact Jupiter DID have a lover named Moony McMoonface

    Prove me wrong!

    Seriously, how is anyone supposed to know for sure how many lovers Jupiter/Zeus did have, and what their names were. Nobody knows who MY lovers were. Even I can't remember them all.

    No seriously, really, there are a finite and predictable series of names which can follow those very restrictive rules so what is the point of a "competition"?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: In fact Jupiter DID have a lover named Moony McMoonface

      so what is the point of a "competition"?

      Somebody thought it was a cool way to engage the public and persuade young people to take an interest. Then, being risk averse dullards, and looking at the Boaty McBoatface saga, they concluded that they were NOT sufficiently interested in engaging the public and yoof to take any risks of some tiny, remote rock being given a silly name. So they came up with the monumentally dull rules that we now see.

      1. Vincent Ballard
        Coat

        Re: In fact Jupiter DID have a lover named Moony McMoonface

        It's more complicated than that. The general rule is that the discoverer gets to propose the name, but the scientific community imposes rules (and the chemists, at least, aren't above a bit of horse-trading). So the rules about having a connection with Zeus and ending in the right letter are due to the International Astronomical Union, not the Carnegie Institution.

    2. Captain Scarlet Silver badge
      Alien

      Re: In fact Jupiter DID have a lover named Moony McMoonface

      I can concur, after Moony McMoonface mooned a Mysteron, they were insulted and attempted to enact their revenge.

      Zeus then scared them off, as he is the god of thunder after all and Mysterons don't like lightening bolts.

    3. Ian Emery Silver badge
      Paris Hilton

      Re: In fact Jupiter DID have a lover named Moony McMoonface

      Just need a quick rewrite on Wiki and you will be ready to prove it is true.

      Zeus probably did Paris.

      Lets be honest, nearly everyone has done Paris.

      1. Voyna i Mor Silver badge

        Re: In fact Jupiter DID have a lover named Moony McMoonface

        When myth is the subject, Paris is the name of the naughty (male) Trojan who abducted Helen. And Zeus wasn't into boys.

        So it's said.

        This is what when you get parents who give their kids names without having a clue about languages. She should have been Parisa Hilton. Or perhaps Parasite.

        1. Francis Boyle Silver badge

          Re: In fact Jupiter DID have a lover named Moony McMoonface

          "Zeus wasn't into boys"

          He was an ancient Greek (god) and you're telling me he wasn't into boys?

          1. Voyna i Mor Silver badge

            Re: In fact Jupiter DID have a lover named Moony McMoonface

            "He was an ancient Greek (god) and you're telling me he wasn't into boys?"

            At different times and in different places, just as in today's world, the view of homosexuality (and the status of women) could be very different. Democratic Athens was nearly as backward as Saudi Arabia where women were concerned, whereas in Sparta equality was much greater - provided you were a member of the aristocracy and not a helot. In some societies ephebeophilia was tolerated, especially by teachers; in others it wasn't. Persian influence was important later on. "Persicos odi", says Horace, and makes it clear it's their rather ambisexual culture he doesn't like.

            Zeus is a male fertility god, the father of a lot of the pantheon. He has a wife and an awful lot of lady friends or one night stands. He's the archetype of the successful heterosexual male, a kind of cosmic Boris Johnson.

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: In fact Jupiter DID have a lover named Moony McMoonface

              Ugh, please do not compare Zeus to the despicable BoJit, his ego (BoJ, although it probably applies to both) is far too big already.

              (Not that I’m claiming Zeus was entirely sweetness and light, either. Well, I’m not saying anything, I’ll get zapped by a thunderbolt or turned into an insect or something for my troubles…)

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Rampant Grade-ism

    What's all this pro-grade/retro-grade nonsense? Why can't we just accept that some moons "go the other way" without labelling them with culturally loaded terms like Pro and Retro? What if a moon decides to reverse after some cosmic encounter with an astronomical body - does it have to change its name? Do Retro moons have to dress in old clothes from charity shops? Are Pro moons paid more in the Lunar League?

    Anyway Jupiter/Zeus liked wine so I propose Chardonne, Lambrine, Spumante, and Prosecca and Cava respectively.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I propose Chardonne, Lambrine, Spumante, and Prosecca and Cava respectively.

      Maybe Chablise and Chiante ?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Chardonne, Lambrine, Spumante, and Prosecca and Cava

      Sorry, those names are already taken by the offspring of a couple of chavs in Basildon.....

    3. 2+2=5 Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: Rampant Grade-ism

      > What's all this pro-grade/retro-grade nonsense? Why can't we just accept that some moons "go the other way" without labelling them with culturally loaded terms like Pro and Retro?

      Would it help if we were to introduce more labels, e.g. pro-grade, prosumer, consumer, vintage and retro?

  17. Hairy Spod

    Would it not just be easier

    To present the public with a list of all of Jupiter's or Zeus' lovers or spawn that are not already taken are long enough and end with an e for us to choose from?

    I'm guessing that there are possibly 3 left, so some of those rules need bending or breaking.

    Moony McNikey Face is my curveball suggestion.

    If anyone could send me a pair of air max trainers that wouldnt look too stupid on a 40 something that would be nice

  18. JimmyPage Silver badge
    Coat

    Missing a trick, surely ?

    There must be a Megacrop that would spunk billions to have a moon named after them ?

    Oracle, Facebook, Google, Apple and Uber ?

  19. James Anderson

    Cox, Jansch, McShee, Renbourn, Thompson

    Pentangles original lineup, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pentangle_(band)

    plus you get 10 spare names from other lineups in any more moons appear.

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Thinking small

    Imagine the marketing opportunities here - the Google moon? Amazon moon? Apple moon (they may have patented moons already).

    1. viscount

      Re: Thinking small

      Only moons with round corners.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Apple moon (they may have patented moons already).

        That's no moon.......

  21. Big_Boomer

    The Famous Five?

    Julian, Dick, Anne and Georgina – and their dog Timmy. Then the astros get to fist-fight over who gets Dick and who gets Timmy.

    1. Def Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: The Famous Five?

      Anne and Georgina will fight over who gets Dick, Julian gets Timmy, and I'll get my coat.

      1. Trixr Bronze badge

        Re: The Famous Five?

        If you think George gives a single toss over any Dick at all, you're sadly deluded...

  22. David Nash Silver badge
    Boffin

    Eggheads?

    Were they not Boffins?

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: Eggheads?

      No, Boffins do real science while Eggheads do the PR stuff.

  23. spold Bronze badge

    Hi Ho - off to Jupiter we go

    They are dwarf moons I'm guessing since they were just found

    I suggest Sneezy, Bashful, Happy, Grumpy, and Sleepy.

    Sneezy - it's cold out there

    Bashful - it's been reluctant to draw attention to itself

    Happy - because someone noticed it

    Grumpy - because no-one did for a gazillion years

    Sleepy - what else is there to do out there

    Doc was eliminated - unless it is a space doc

    Dopey - also eliminated - didn't pay attention in the naming contest so also lost out

  24. batfink

    I think we need to extend the criteria, in honour of Sir Pterry

    I seem to recall some of Sir Pterry's that fit the bill. I remember there was a Vomita (the Oh Goddess of throwing up - not to be confused with Bilious, the Oh God of Hangovers), and I'm fairly sure there was an Anoia (Goddess of kitchen implements, whose name must be invoked when trying to open stuck drawers).

    I have an idea there was an Impedimenta somewhere....

    1. M.V. Lipvig

      Re: I think we need to extend the criteria, in honour of Sir Pterry

      There wasn't a Vomita but there was a Bilious. There was also a sock eater, a hair puller and a verruca gnome. Annoia was handled part time by a part time priest until Moist attributed his millions in stolen cash to being a gift from her, which made her into a first line diety with temples all over.

      I just reread the series recently...

  25. Eddy Ito Silver badge
    Trollface

    I propose Gaia and Terra for the two who need a name ending in -a.

  26. Roger Kynaston
    Happy

    shirly

    Jaglan Beta, Krikkit, Magrathea, Preliumtarn and Ursa Minor Beta

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: shirly

      "Jaglan Beta, Krikkit, Magrathea, Preliumtarn and Ursa Minor Beta"

      Nah, most of those are taken already by the offspring of a couple of nerds in Norf Laaaandaaan"

  27. IR

    With such a narrow list of candidate names, why don't they just publish it and let everyone pick from that?

  28. bjr

    Helene and Leda

    Not so hard. Helene of Troy was the daughter of Zeus and Leda, so there you have two, Helene and her mom Leda.

    1. FrogsAndChips Bronze badge

      Re: Helene and Leda

      Leda is already a moon of Jupiter and Helene is a moon of Saturn.

  29. Carpet Deal 'em
    FAIL

    Let's face it

    The names have already been chosen - asking people to submit names with nigh-impassable restrictions is just their way of pretending to involve the public without having to look bad when they ignore every suggestion.

  30. Spherical Cow

    Zeus Juice

    Within 16 characters, ends in e, definitely the product of the Greek god (eww), and it sounds good even if the spelling doesn't rhyme.

  31. random mathematician

    John McClane?

    Didn't John McClane have a connection to Zeus?

  32. UNIBLOB

    A Rock 1

    A Rock 2

    A Rock 3

    A Rock 4

    A Rock 5

    A Rock 6

    Wappbappaboolla Wah Bap Banboo

    (/nearest metric equivalent)

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