back to article Just do IoT? We'd walk a mile in someone else's Nike smart sneakers, but they seem to be 'bricked'

Buyers of Nike's eye-wateringly expensive Adapt trainers appear to be having difficulties with the accompanying app. The sportswear giant launched its self-lacing basketball shoes, the Adapt BB, earlier this year, promising a Back To The Future 2-like experience of power laces. Ostensibly aimed at basketball players, but more …

  1. MrBanana

    Self lacing?

    What now?

    Seriously, an internet connected shoe, for £300. Fuck off.

    1. Gene Cash Silver badge

      Re: Self lacing?

      I don't care about the "internet connected" part, but if I don't have to dick with shoelaces, I'll pay bucks for that. I paid $400 for my motorcycle boots because they didn't have laces.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Self lacing?

        "I paid $400 for my motorcycle boots because they didn't have laces."

        I hear you bro. I paid €40 for my Nokia rubber boots just to avoid the laces as well.

      2. DiViDeD Silver badge

        Re: Self lacing?

        You're prayers have been answered. Just get a pair of Krotens. Pull, slide, tuck the little dongle under the loop at the front and you're done. No Internet Connection required

        Here's one, look

        1. vtcodger Silver badge

          Re: Self lacing?

          No Internet Connection required ...

          But ... but ... but ... How are they going to track you without an internet connection?

      3. Tom Chiverton 1

        Re: Self lacing?

        'Uck'in magnets. How do they work ?

        https://www.amazon.co.uk/Zubits-Magnetic-Closures-Unisex-Never/dp/B073QW68KN

      4. 2+2=5 Silver badge
        Happy

        Re: Self lacing?

        > but if I don't have to dick with shoelaces, I'll pay bucks for that

        Perhaps one could interest Sir in the following?

        https://www.silverts.com/shoes-for-elderly-shoes-for-seniors/

        [icon: service with a smile]

      5. JohnFen Silver badge

        Re: Self lacing?

        "if I don't have to dick with shoelaces, I'll pay bucks for that."

        You've been able to avoid tying shoelaces for years now, at a much lower price, thanks to velcro.

        ...but Is tying shoelaces is so difficult that it's a problem worth paying real money to avoid? Sure, if you're a toddler or incapacitated, that makes sense. Otherwise, I don't see what the big hassle is.

        1. eldakka Silver badge

          Re: Self lacing?

          ...but Is tying shoelaces is so difficult that it's a problem worth paying real money to avoid?

          Shoelaces can be a safety issue. There can be times and activities where having dangly loopy things that can get caught in equipment can be dangerous, e.g. as per the post replying to, riding a motorbike.

          1. Joe W

            Re: Self lacing?

            Or on a bicycle. Have some shoes with torn laces. When not wearing cycling shoes I usually tuck the laces' ends and the loops either in the shoe or under the laces themselves. Yes, learned it the hard way. So I do understand the OP's point of view...

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: Self lacing?

              That's why one should learn how to tie laces before learning to use a bike.... never had a issue using a bicycle and shoes with laces. But that's also why once city bicycles were different form sport bicycles - then came those who wanted to use a sport bicycle wearing a suit.

              Still lots of shoes with different types of "locking" without using laces - none of which requires an electric motor and an Internet connection.

              1. JohnFen Silver badge

                Re: Self lacing?

                "But that's also why once city bicycles were different form sport bicycles"

                They still are! I bought a new city bike last summer (although they were called "commuter bikes"), and they were displayed in a distinctly different section from the sport bikes.

            2. JohnFen Silver badge

              Re: Self lacing?

              I've been commuting to/from work on a bike for years now, and this is not a problem I've encountered even once. I'm not saying that nobody else has that problem but, again, there's already been a good solution for those people for a very long time now.

          2. MachDiamond Silver badge

            Re: Self lacing?

            Yes, but. In the olden days if I had a safety issue with dangly shoelaces, I'd use the universal solution, duct tape. These days it's easy to find slip on shoes or velcro fastenings.

            Just because you can, doesn't mean you should. ~Ian Malcolm

      6. AIBailey

        Re: Self lacing?

        I've had motorbikes for over 20 years now, and have never seen biking boots with laces. If you're having to pay $400 to avoid laces, I'm afraid someone's taking you for a mug.

        All my boots have had zips to do them up, usually covered with a velcro-backed leather flap.

      7. Kane Silver badge
        Trollface

        Re: Self lacing?

        "I don't care about the "internet connected" part, but if I don't have to dick with shoelaces, I'll pay bucks for that."

        Would Sir be interested in a bridge I have for sale?

      8. M.V. Lipvig

        Re: Self lacing?

        You wouldn't be avoiding lace-up shoes because they take you a half hour longer to get ready in the morning, would you?

  2. Joe W

    If it ain't broken...

    put some IoT stuff in it.

    1. Mark 85 Silver badge
      Devil

      Re: If it ain't broken...

      You forgot "put a high price on it" and "all the hipsters will want a pair".

      1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

        Re: If it ain't broken...

        Also, don't forget the carefully-calculated artificial scarcity..

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Not surprised really, this is what happens when to try to shoehorn the internet into something it doesn't belong. They'll have to tread carefully not to alienate their customers. It seems they really have put their foot in it.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      They'll have to tread carefully not to alienate their customers.

      Maybe but I doubt it. If you're an Olympian, spending three hundred on a pair of trainers might make sense, for the rest of the world, it just shows an imbalance of money and common sense. So I'm offering the hypothesis that the buyers of this product bought it purely because (a) it was 300 bucks, and (b) it was new and shiney and IoTish.

      People like that take a VERY long time to learn. Hell, Apple's only just managed to break the camel's back of idiot loyalty by charging over a grand for a mobile phone.

      1. MrBanana

        "(b) it was new and shiney and IoTish."

        I first saw that as IoT Tosh ;-)

        Sometimes, when I see a new fangled thing on sale at a ridiculous price, I find it instructive to have a gander through something like Autotrader to see what kind of s/h car I could get for similar money. For 300 quid I could buy two Vauxhall Astras, one for each foot. Not that I would ever contemplate such a purchase, but it adds a little perspective [ Currently, there's a (probably very dodgy) Merc CLK320 cabriolet going for £450, if anyone's feeling adventurous ].

      2. phuzz Silver badge

        £300 quid is a lot, but I could just about justify spending up to £100 on footwear if I felt sure they'd last me for years.

        That's not likely with a pair of trainers though, and I expect these Nikes will be looking tatty and grubby within a year or so if they are actually used for running about.

        1. Korev Silver badge

          It also remains to be seen how long Nike updates the app for.

      3. M.V. Lipvig

        Someone who plays sports competitvely would be about the only folks that need this. I cam see how trackable feedback for your feet would be invaluable to a runner. Anyone else though, not so much. For them it's just a big shiny, or maybe an excuse. I'm sorry Boss, I can't come in to work today, I forgot to plug in my shoes. Or worse, the batteries in my shoes exploded.

        1. AIBailey
          Meh

          invaluable?

          I'm sure you could say that trackable feedback would be "interesting", possibly even "fascinating", but I get the feeling that "invaluable" is stretching the hipster filter just a little too far.

  4. This post has been deleted by its author

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    > Buyers of Nike's eye-wateringly expensive Adapt trainers appear to be having difficulties with the accompanying app.

    Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

    1. Jay 2
      Meh

      I think you forgot a "ha" somewhere in there.

      I'm also reminded of the iKettle...

  6. Garymrrsn

    Sneakers?

    If they connect to the internet I don't see how they could be called sneakers. How about tracking shoes

  7. Andy Non
    Trollface

    It's not Nike's fault:

    You are wearing them wrong. You need to upgrade and wear Nike socks too.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    A laugh and a half you are having?

    300-odd squids? You gotta be joking, guv'nor! Wouldn't give a tenner for 'em, squire.

  9. Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

    'pon my sole!

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Dirty great logos!

    How much will I be getting paid for carrying Nike's adfartising

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It's becoming the Internet of Twats

    Seriously, what magnitude of a twat do you have to be to buy this shit?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: It's becoming the Internet of Twats

      what magnitude of a twat do you have to be to buy this shit?

      Same magnitude as those retards who keep forking out for new official merchandise every time a Premier League team change their strip, three times per season?

  12. Pirate Dave
    Pirate

    So

    um, shoes that need an Internet connection?

    Sneaker-net has come full circle.

  13. Richard 111

    Eaiser to do as a group and in the USA

    I've not read anything more than about these shoes than this article but surely they just use Bluetooth to connect to the phone rather than to the internet proper./pedantic

    Must say that it would be mildly amusing if the phone app was hacked so that shoes could be remotely controlled . . .

    I have no plans to purchase these trainers but at $350 they are similar priced to some smart inserts for ski boots from Carv.

    According to my teenage son the in crowd kids are all wearing limited edition Yeezy Boosts that start at ~$250 and can go up in price and hopefully value depending on how limited and popular they are. So $350 for trainers with the tech (if it worked reliably) is not an outrageous price for the target market.

    1. Richard 111

      Re: Eaiser to do as a group and in the USA

      Not sure where the title of my post came from - Ahh! Looks like it was an browser form auto fill from an old post.

    2. JohnFen Silver badge

      Re: Eaiser to do as a group and in the USA

      "So $350 for trainers with the tech (if it worked reliably) is not an outrageous price for the target market."

      Yes, it is. It may be what the market will bear, but that doesn't mean it's not outrageous.

      1. Richard 111

        Re: Eaiser to do as a group and in the USA

        Your'e right, it is an outrageous price for what they are.

    3. LDS Silver badge
      Facepalm

      "According to my teenage son the in crowd kids are all wearing limited edition"

      Yeah, the target market is gullible children who will ask their parents to spend silly sums for goods that are made in Vietnam for a few dollars...

      "Limited edition" in these contexts is always a synonym of "limited awareness" on the consumer side.

    4. paulf Silver badge
      Pirate

      Re: Eaiser to do as a group and in the USA

      "...the in crowd kids are all wearing limited edition Yeezy Boosts that start at ~$250..."

      Sweet waltzing Lord. £250 for a pair of white running shoes personally anointed by Kanye West? Christ on a Bike I'm in the wrong industry.

      I'll admit to a well stocked shoe rack but nothing cost anywhere close to that.

    5. Earache

      Re: Eaiser to do as a group and in the USA

      Having a quick look at what a Yeezy Boost might be I see they can cost more than £3500 (on the appropriately named farfetch.com) . In that light these spectacularly ill-contrived trainers are a bargain.

  14. Dan 55 Silver badge
    Meh

    "promising a Back To The Future 2-like experience of power laces"

    Might be my memory but I don't remember them fucking about with a phone app in the film. They just worked.

  15. mildy bemused

    Bricked?

    More like cement shoes. Could come in useful though.

    1. Ole Juul Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: Bricked?

      I can see Nike stopping people in their tracks with a single command from command central. Just wait until NSA/cops get into this one. Also, "stop thief!" will be deprecated and replaced with an app.

  16. JohnFen Silver badge

    The real value

    There is real value in these shoes: they serve as an easy-to-see marker of people who should be avoided.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: The real value

      Unless you're trying to sell them something.

      Personally I prefer gumboots (Wellingtons) & Jandals (Thongs?).

  17. gormful

    I laughed out loud at one comment on Twitter: "Have you tried taking them off and putting them on again?"

  18. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    You should walk a mile in someone else's shoes

    That way, you're a mile away, AND YOU HAVE THEIR SHOES!

    (stealer's remorse will be dealt with in a later lecture)

  19. Winkypop Silver badge
    Trollface

    Yes, but

    I hear these shoes are very big with the crowd on the B-Ark.

  20. dnicholas Bronze badge

    Idiot shoes for idiot people does idiot things when the idiot app fucks up.

    [monty_burns]Excellent[/monty_burns]

  21. Kevin McMurtrie Silver badge
    Pirate

    Paired, paired, paired, paired, paired, paired, paired, paired

    Everybody's shoes fall off in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1..

    Ok, maybe just one of everybody's shoes fall off.

  22. Stork Bronze badge

    Shoes that suck balls?

    Is that a feature, or a fetish? My mind boggles.

  23. Ben Bonsall

    Surely this should be in Bootnotes?

  24. steviebuk Silver badge

    Don't wear those..

    ..while going through the airport

  25. Kane Silver badge
    Boffin

    Bricking...

    What happens when the construction industry catches onto this whole IoT stuff, and they start incorporating it into building materials?

    What happens when the bricks...brick?

    Will we need a whole new nomenclature?

  26. Jay Lenovo Silver badge
    Facepalm

    Nikes Knot Working

    So ideally with "working" internet Nikes, Zion Williamson could get a monitored alert that his left shoe is about to disintegrate?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Nikes Knot Working

      .. or he may not even make it out of the changing rooms before they fail, if my experience with Nike is anything to go by.

      On the plus side, the aggressive lack of interest in material defects that could affect more than one pair of trainers by what they jokingly call their Customer "Service" ensured I stopped buying Nike and switched to Adidas about 4 years ago.

      Haven't had any problems with those at all.

  27. M.V. Lipvig
    Facepalm

    No thanks

    I don't need my shoes hacked. I can see it now, people getting their feet amputated after their shoes are hacked, causing the laces to tighten to 32 tons* instead of 32 pounds. Or muggers hacking your shoes to cause your laces to come undone when you try to run away. Or even bookies hacking shoes to affect scores.

    *I know, the shoes won't be that strong, but that ain't the point though, is it?

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I bought a pair of trainers from my dealer.

    I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day...

  29. Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

    With quantum computers afoot

    Will we see laces becoming entangled rather than tied?

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