back to article Cops looking for mum marauding uni campus asking students if they fancy dating her son

The relationship between mother and son is a strange one. Sigmund Freud's "Oedipus complex" made all of psychology awkward, and mums haven't helped by cherishing and coddling their perfect little boys well into adulthood. Though Freud is somewhat discredited these days, trust dear old Ma to come out swinging with behaviour …

  1. Version 1.0 Silver badge
    IT Angle

    Slow News Week?

    El Reg - I got to hand it to you, you manage to get an IT angle into everything! Amazon shopping fill all holes.

    1. chivo243 Silver badge
      Paris Hilton

      Re: Slow News Week?

      C'mon already, if it's in BootNotes, no IT angle is needed.

      Paris because....

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    >The Baltimore Sun (currently not available from the EU due to its publisher's unwillingness to play ball with GDPR).

    I'm in the UK and it works fine for me with a simple DNS tweak - I guess they're hoping the company they're paying for geo blocking will pick up the bill when someone who gives a monkey's takes up a case (setting 335 cookies without asking even WITH adblock enabled shouldn't prove too difficult a case either).

    1. Groaning Ninny

      Such things as "no adblockers", "sign up to read" and this "because of the GDPR" mere;y cut down on the sites I use. There are plently more.

      Some of those which actually ask nicely to remove the adblocker (and which don't take the mickey with the ads) get my views and the revenue that's somehow worth.

  3. K Silver badge
    Devil

    "she couldn't afford the tissue consumption"

    That why socks were invented..

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: "she couldn't afford the tissue consumption"

      Yeah. And when he brings it home once a term for her to wash...

      1. 89724102172714182892114I7551670349743096734346773478647892349863592355648544996312855148587659264921

        Re: "she couldn't afford the tissue consumption"

        Socks are a sure way of getting athlete's dick, sorry I didn't mean it that way I meant fungus on your tallywhacker - no I don't know how I know.

    2. Ima Ballsy
      Devil

      Re: "she couldn't afford the tissue consumption"

      Maybe she needs to invest in this for him:

      https://www.amazon.com/Passion-Lubricants-Performance-Water-Based-Lubricant/dp/B07MKS1VZY/ref=pd_sbs_121_6/133-1918164-2294401?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=B07MKS1VZY&pd_rd_r=3c092aa4-2e22-11e9-b82a-7d23db4f75b9&pd_rd_w=QS2i1&pd_rd_wg=iOVPT&pf_rd_p=588939de-d3f8-42f1-a3d8-d556eae5797d&pf_rd_r=KGFN30KXCQJHH9NMC4FH&psc=1&refRID=KGFN30KXCQJHH9NMC4FH

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: "she couldn't afford the tissue consumption"

        Honestly? You could not be asked to remove at least all the tracking data? On the plus side, at least you didn't hide that in a "a href" tag..

    3. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: "she couldn't afford the tissue consumption"

      Truely a comment that belongs as a footnote.

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: "she couldn't afford the tissue consumption"

      "Why did the sperm cross the road?"

      "Because I put on the wrong socks this morning"

      The joy of having sons at University: an endless supply of bad jokes. I brought them up well..

      :)

  4. intrigid

    Great news

    Good to see that police are getting involved in issues like this! This must mean that assaults, kidnappings, murders, and acid attacks are at an all-time low.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Great news

      It's 'merica, distracting the police with incidents like this actually lowers the rate of assaults and murders.

      1. ElReg!comments!Pierre Silver badge

        Re: Great news

        I was thinking that campus cowboys are getting a tad ridiculous, but again I did not think of this angle. Although these are campus cops and not high-firepower regular cops, they still do sport pepper spray and sometimes tazers. They do tend to occasionnally over-react with those "sub-lethal" tools of theirs.

        1. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

          Re: Great news

          Although these are campus cops and not high-firepower regular cops, they still do sport pepper spray and sometimes tazers.

          At every university I've attended, the campus police carry firearms. And when I was at Northeastern University, the campus police cars were also equipped with shotguns; I once saw a couple of campus officers checking theirs.

          Do not screw with the campus police.

    2. iron Silver badge

      Re: Great news

      Campus cops, not real cops - bit like the plastic Polis in city centres.

    3. keithpeter
      Joke

      Re: Great news

      "Charles Herring, chief of the university police department"

      Would that be Charlie 'Red' Herring?

  5. Groaning Ninny

    It doesn't help that I misread "dear son" as "dead son"...

    1. Andy Non
      Coat

      "Date her son, he's a dead sure thing."

      1. Huw D

        "Stiffness guaranteed"

      2. DavCrav Silver badge

        "He's so unreliable though. Always late."

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    garage shop

    It's America -- they all have basements or garages the size of a tennis court, the sods, she won't need the Playstation space for her workshop...

    It's getting to the stage that watching US woodworking videos is getting too depressing... I'm in a rented terraced house but I'm seriously considering dropping the thick end of a grand on reconcreting a crumbling patio area and installing a shed (with acoustic board lining just to be able to use a planer/thicknesser without deafening the neighbours on either side. Of course landlords - who are a nice retired couple who just want a quiet life and the rent to turn up on time - could and likely will chuck me out at some point in the next couple of years when they need to pay nursing home fees, which would of course mean good bye to the shed. Ahhhh it's a hard life, having a mid-life crisis when you failed at life & don't own a house :(

    1. DavCrav Silver badge

      Re: garage shop

      "Ahhhh it's a hard life, having a mid-life crisis when you failed at life & don't own a house"

      I'm toying with the idea of converting the loft and having a massive Scalextric circuit in there. The conservatory isn't the right place for it long term...

    2. Joe W

      Re: garage shop

      Hmpf. Except for the patio that's me, including the irritation about "yeah, it's a small shop area, only 2.5 acres" and "not too many tools, except for a table saw, band saw, thicknesser, planer, pillar drill, a lathe, mitre saw, paint booth,...". I have an English style workbench in a basement storage compartment, electric light but no power sockets. Thus hand tools only. Good for the neighbours, except when mortising :/

      1. jake Silver badge

        Re: garage shop

        Not all Yanks have all that. Just some of the the ones with a shop big enough for a film crew. Seriously. Think about it.

        With that said, look up Roy Underhill of The Woodwright's Shop. Worth a look for all you hand-tools only woodworkers, even if he is a Yank.

        On the gripping hand, if you're low on space and want power equipment, get a Shopsmith. Even an older used one is well worth the money. I know some people look down their noses at them, but I suspect that's only because those folks don't know how to properly use it. I built my entire kitchen and dining room with a 30 year old model, after a little judicious repair work. The factory sold me all the parts I needed to restore it to "like new". Hint: Spring for the Mark 7, you'll be glad you did.

        I'd recommend adding a dedicated jointer and a plainer along with the Shopsmith, just for simplicity's sake, but it's hardly necessary. A mortiser isn't necessary either, but ... You know the drill ;-)

        1. MJB7

          Re: Get a Shopsmith

          Gah! I hate you. How am I going to explain that I need that to SWMBO?

          1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

            Re: Get a Shopsmith

            How am I going to explain that I need that to SWMBO?

            "I had a special offer that meant I had to buy it quickly"

            On second thoughts - don't use that one - that got me the cold shoulder for about 6 months when I used that excuse to explain that I'd changed my bike for a 2nd-hand Honda Fireblade.. I'd cleverly managed to do it while my parents were staying with us which limited her capabilities for ripping me a new one at high volume..

            And she refused to pillion on that bike - although the fact that the pillion seat was about the size of a postage stamp might have had something to do with it.. (and that it did 0-100 in about 4 seconds - 18K RPM red-line is a wonderful thing!)

        2. Alistair Silver badge
          Windows

          Re: garage shop

          @jake:

          My *very* first computer gig was with the (then) Canadian distributor of Shopsmith. I lived down the street from the family that owned it. There's a parts 'graveyard' of a storage shed. I still have contact with the family. I will get one of the MKVII's one day.

        3. Joe W

          Re: garage shop

          Also take a peek at https://www.theenglishwoodworker.com/blog/

          Most videos cost a few quid, I find them (in general) very worth it...

    3. DiViDeD Silver badge

      Re: garage shop

      I went off those US based home renovations programmes when I saw them demonstrate how to replace a window:

      "Get a window a little bigger than the old one. Remove the old window"

      He then proceeded to cut a bigger hole in the wall with a bloody crosscut saw!!

      Try that on a cavity wall, matey!

      1. jake Silver badge

        Re: garage shop

        "US based home renovations programmes"

        Take it from a Yank who has rebuilt a few old houses ... those are all entertainment shows, not educational how-to films. Not worth the time to watch them.

        "Try that on a cavity wall, matey!"

        Horses for courses, as usual. Would you watch a Toyota HowTo when the Perkins in your boat needed repair?

        1. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

          Re: garage shop

          those are all entertainment shows, not educational how-to films

          That's the beauty of Renovation Realities on DIY - it's all people screwing up horribly because they don't know what they're doing.

          (Well, almost all. Once in a while they have an episode with people who do know what they're doing, and who draw permits and do everything to code, and just run into the sort of unexpected issues you always have with old homes.)

          It's an educational how-not-to show.

    4. jake Silver badge

      Re: garage shop

      Build your shed on concrete deck blocks (patio piers), and pick it up and move it when the time comes. It's not exactly rocket science. Or, purchase a used shipping container. Amazing how much work you can get done in an 8X20 box. Both options should easily be within your stated budget.

      1. phuzz Silver badge

        Re: garage shop

        Without hiring a massive crane, how exactly does one pick up a shed from the back patio of a terraced house and move it? I'd also be pretty surprised if it was big enough for even a half sized container to fit (assuming a big crane to lift it over the house and into the garden).

        Terraced houses in the UK aren't that big, and neither are their back gardens (chances are the front door opens directly onto the pavement, so there's no front garden).

        Think of an area not big enough to park two cars side by side, with the only access being through the house like these.

    5. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

      Re: garage shop

      It's America -- they all have basements or garages the size of a tennis court

      Neither of my homes - the Stately Manor or the Mountain Fastness - has a garage. Garages are for the weak.

  7. Muscleguy Silver badge

    Had to happen

    Nowadays 18 year olds are not allowed to attend university open days on their own any more, Mom and Pop have to tail along as well, including trying to get into interviews etc. My wife works in admissions and recruitments and has to field calls from parents wanting to know stuff like what mark did Jr get on the term test but have to be told that Privacy Law means they cannot be told and since Jr is over 18 they are an adult now.

    So it was only a matter of time for this sort of thing to happen. Just wait until both sets of parents insist on being there for the first sexual encounter to offer tips and commentary.

    1. Mr Humbug

      When my older daughter started looking at university a few years ago I was astounded that she *wanted* me to go with her to open days. When we got there I was equally surprised to find that nearly everybody else had at least one parent with them.

      On the other hand, a few years later, when my (autistic) son started looking I was quite glad that having a parent with him didn't make him stand out so much at open days.

      (PS. If anyone is looking for a University that is sensitive to students with additional needs, UCLan seemed very good, although he ended up going somewhere else)

    2. Waseem Alkurdi

      Re: Had to happen

      Just wait until both sets of parents insist on being there for the first sexual encounter to offer tips and commentary.

      Something similar to this used to happen in the Middle East, despite being clearly morally wrong and opposed to the two religions (Islam and Christianity). One parent would stand behind the door while the newly-wed couple did their thing.

      This practice is as dead as a zombie though, with people having grown up.

      1. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

        Re: Had to happen

        By "standing behind the door" do you mean standing outside the door?

        Could be worse.

        It's when they're in the bedroom, criticising, that you have real problems. " No, no, son, that's not the way to do it. Here, get out of the way and I'll show you..."

        1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

          Re: Had to happen

          Here, get out of the way and I'll show you...

          And we thought that droight-de-seigneur was dead..

    3. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

      Re: Had to happen

      One professor I know recently had a student's parent contact him before the first class session. He didn't mention what the conversation was about, but I can guess.

      (It wasn't for any recognized special need. Like most US universities, the one this acquaintance works at has an office which issues visas for students with special needs and coordinates with the instructors of their classes. No reason for parents to be involved.)

  8. Rupert Fiennes Bronze badge

    My experience

    1) Mum got me to deliver a parcel to the daughter of a family friend at the same college. Twice :-)

    2) Mum tracked down my location and got and called it's phone number after I idly mentioned I was dating a Russian lecturer's daughter and was not home immediately after the end of term.

    I made sure to tell her nothing from then onwards. Possibly just as well :-)

    1. Waseem Alkurdi

      Re: My experience

      got me to deliver a parcel

      Hmmm ... I see your issue. You have a mail server set up.

      Solution? Redirect root's mail to /dev/null.

  9. Robert Carnegie Silver badge

    I can imagine something a lot more sinister.

    Such as if the picture actually is of teenaged Jeff Bezos. And the lady works for the Enquirer or the CIA or something. I haven't worked out all the details of this theory, but it could involve secret filming of a date.

    Or it could be a plot involving abduction and, well, horror.

  10. Christopher Rogers

    Its not just mothers.....

    A dad took to the local press to find a suitor for his daughter:

    https://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/news/northern-ireland/dads-ad-in-tele-to-find-husband-for-gorgeous-6ft-daughter-she-can-talk-to-anyone-37792563.html

    1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

      Re: Its not just mothers.....

      https://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk

      Bah. Told me I had to disable my ad-blocker.

      Tab closed.

  11. Howard Hanek Bronze badge
    Happy

    One Can Only Imagine

    My first thought was that the student's picture was causing fainting spells.......

  12. Nick Kew Silver badge

    Poor boy!

    Hmmm.

    After that kind of exposure, might there be a kind of girl who homes in on him? As in, with a mum like that, you really need someone to take care of you. A whole new set of apron strings.

    1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
      Paris Hilton

      Re: Poor boy!

      It only Hyacinth being concerned about Sheridan

      1. Citizen99

        Re: Poor boy!

        On a bit of a loser there, if I remember

        1. paulf Silver badge

          Re: Poor boy!

          Yes, it was occasionally mentioned he was living with a man called Tarquin.

  13. Beridhren the Wise

    I'm from Baltimore

    And no one here reads the Baltimore Sun either so for those of you across the pond you are not missing anything.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It's only really creepy if the son is in his 40s

    See title.

  15. jake Silver badge

    It gets worse.

    I'm seeing parents (about 45ish) showing up for their newly graduated from Uni sprog's job interview. I kid you not; I've seen this a lot in the last three or four years. Most of those were with child in tow, but half a dozen or ten or so were just a parental unit, no actual applicant. When I point out the obvious, I am met with blank stares. It's like they think this is normal. Quite surreal.

    1. Waseem Alkurdi

      Re: It gets worse.

      Ouch.

      Uni student? Possibly normal, but eerie. But uni grad? Damn.

  16. PhilipN Silver badge

    Rent-a-parent; There's an App for that; student dating network

    Got to be an actual IT angle here so it does not have to be a bootnote.

    Rent-a-parent including a robotic one leads to the AI debate but there again I am old enough to pre-date the mini-skirt era. When I saw some of the Mum's (and their thighs) delivering the little kids to school I would have gladly swapped mine. (Sorry, Mum - kidding; and Freud can f*** off).

  17. VikiAi Bronze badge
    Facepalm

    "Freud is somewhat discredited these days"

    Heh, about 20 years ago we studied his research in a Child Psychology course.

    As a case study on how not to do research!

    (IE: don't do all your research on people in mental hospitals, then extrapolate to the general population)!

    1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

      Re: "Freud is somewhat discredited these days"

      don't do all your research on people in mental hospitals, then extrapolate to the general population

      I assume that the same holds for ethics research and Parliament?

  18. The Nazz Silver badge

    Diversity at the University.

    I trust that this mother had the full range of diversity and options in mind when embarking on this strategy.

    To paraphrase John Lennon, if i may ...

    "All we are saying, is give dwarfs** a chance"

    Yes, i know, spelling. Add your own option here.

  19. disgruntled yank Silver badge

    Apparently real newspaper!

    The reporters at The Baltimore Sun might have been willing to take that from The Times of London (at least pre-Murdoch), but from The Register?

    I used to read it in the late 1980s, but as I remember the stories ran more to murders than to aggressive matchmaking.

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