back to article Pants-purveyor in plea for popularity: It's not just any pork push... it's an M&S 'love sausage'

Dependable British pants*-seller Marks & Spencer is desperately seeking social media virality as it faces plummeting sales figures, and has decided the best way is to tread the thoroughly British route of innuendo. Because today it has launched a heart-shaped, truffle-and-bacon-wrapped, pork product it named the "Love Sausage …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Dabsy?

    Is he doing adverts now?

  2. Blockchain commentard Silver badge

    Well, the female assistants in my local M&S weren't amused when I went around asking them where they put their love sausages - surprised I wasn't kicked out.

    1. Jason Bloomberg Silver badge
      Happy

      I was once greeted with the oddest of looks in my local supermarket freezer aisle when I innocently asked an assistant if they stocked cod pieces.

      Took a while to figure out what the "what!?" was all about.

      1. Joe W
        Flame

        There is a cheese called "Scharfer Max", which could be translated both as "hot Max" (in both senses) or even "horny Max". I got quite a look at the cheese counter when asking for it... and yes, they had the cheese, and quite prominently displayed in the front. Otherwise I would not have asked for it, I guess.

        1. MrT

          I asked an ice cream man if he had a Nobbly Bobbly once. He paused, with a look as if he had just unexpectedly chewed an earwax-flavoured jelly bean, then said "Sorry, mate, I only stock Walls stuff"

          1. VikiAi Silver badge
            Go

            Come to sunny Australia where you can buy a Gaytime:

            https://www.streetsicecream.com.au/brands/golden-gaytime/golden-gaytime-.html

            1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

              If you head on off to Austria, you can buy a BumBum - I even have proof: https://www.foodprocessing-technology.com/news/newsnestle-plans-to-establish-new-ice-cream-joint-venture-in-europe-and-africa-4686445/

              The "stick" of the ice lolly is bubblegum.

              1. VikiAi Silver badge
                Go

                They don't seem to make them anymore, but as a kid (back in the dinosaur days) we could also ask the tuck-shop lady/man for a "finger".

    2. Alister Silver badge

      My dad once went into a hardware shop and asked the young female assistant if she had any vices...

      1. Dave K Silver badge

        Did he follow this up by asking where he could find a good screw?

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    That's nothing...

    You should see the size of the black pudding version!

  4. adam payne Silver badge

    Of course, one could argue that this isn't just any love sausage. This is an M&S love sausage.

    No, it's my love sausage.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      What's in a name?

      Clearly when naming the company they got the order wrong. It could have been an S&M love sausage.

  5. Alister Silver badge
    Childcatcher

    Will nobody think of the parents!

    Take pity on all the embarrassed mothers and fathers who are being met by the question:

    "Mummy, Daddy, what's a love sausage?"

    1. joeW

      Re: Will nobody think of the parents!

      "It's a sausage shaped like a heart"

      1. TRT Silver badge
    2. IceC0ld Bronze badge

      Re: Will nobody think of the parents!

      I read PEANUTS, specsaver moment again :o)

      then I recalled thre were a certain brand of the delicious pub snack from Nobby's Nuts .......

      did not see that coming :oP

      1. DiViDeD Silver badge

        Re: Will nobody think of the parents!

        Notoriously advertised here in Oz with the phrase 'wouldn't you like to nibble Nobby's Nuts?'

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    missed opportunity

    should have packed it with a couple of meatballs

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: missed opportunity

      The pork-free version is also missing a bit of sausage skin at one end...

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: missed opportunity

        But the bacon wrap version insures it's "ribbed for her pleasure".

    2. Uplink

      Re: missed opportunity

      They used two eggs in the picture, probably thinking they've dodged a bullet, but the word for "eggs" is used to refer to testes in Romanian, so it's funnier in East EU.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: missed opportunity

        "the word for "eggs" is used to refer to testes in Romanian"

        Apparently Romanian and Finnish have at least one thing in common then!

        1. Locky Silver badge

          Re: missed opportunity

          That's quite un oeuf of this yoke, thank you very much

      2. O RLY

        Re: missed opportunity

        German as well. "Eier" also carries the same slang meaning.

      3. John Presland

        Re: missed opportunity

        and Polish, and Spanish, and doubtless many more.

        1. Blake St. Claire

          Re: missed opportunity

          > and Spanish,

          Not 'round here it's not. Cojones is – AFAIK – the preferred euphemism on this side of the pond. (Mexico and USA anyway; I don't know about further south.) Don't ask me why.

          Here huevos are just eggs, of the poultry kind.

          1. Omgwtfbbqtime Silver badge

            Re: missed opportunity

            bollocks to it.

      4. VikiAi Silver badge
        Happy

        Re: missed opportunity

        Mandarin Chinese, too.

      5. imanidiot Silver badge

        Re: missed opportunity

        It would work in Dutch, but only if the context made it clear. We're more prone to do away with euphemisms and just straight up call them balls.

  7. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

    Pants means kecks up north.

  8. Tom 7 Silver badge

    I dont know what everyones laughing about.

    I dont know if people realise that a heart is more of a diamond shape. The only part of the human anatomy that is generally heart shaped is male with one eye. People have been sending trouser selfies to each other for centuries now,

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: The only part of the human anatomy that is generally heart shaped...

      is the heart?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I dont know what everyones laughing about.

      The only part of the human anatomy that is generally heart shaped is male with one eye

      Not entirely true. The artfully presented female posterior when viewed from behind is a dead ringer for the ❤

      1. imanidiot Silver badge
        Coffee/keyboard

        Re: I dont know what everyones laughing about.

        That very much depends on the woman...

  9. Velv Silver badge
    WTF?

    Shopfront advertising gone too far #OffTopic

    All the high street stores love to advertise the upcoming "day". Not M&S this time, but a few years ago I was freaked out by the window adverts for "Mothers Day"... In Ann Summers :O

    Mind bleach!!!

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: Shopfront advertising gone too far #OffTopic

      I was looking forwards to a S&M Valentine's Day.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Shopfront advertising gone too far #OffTopic

        Roses are red

        Violets are blue

        Spanking is fun

        If it's me spanking you.

    2. phuzz Silver badge

      Re: Shopfront advertising gone too far #OffTopic

      Still, I'm not going to complain about supermarkets already stocking hot-cross buns. I love the smell of 'em.

      1. VikiAi Silver badge
        Unhappy

        Re: Shopfront advertising gone too far #OffTopic

        I don't mind them, but here they stopped stocking Portuguese tarts to make room for them.

  10. Voyna i Mor Silver badge

    Not pants, knickers.

    Years ago M&S called in the consultants to find out what they were doing wrong. The consultants found a lot of little empires and turf wars and came up with a lot of suggestions to encourage co-operative working. Their summary of the situation at M&S was "Bras don't even talk to knickers."

    The IoT will doubtless change that eventually.

    1. Simon Harris Silver badge

      Re: Not pants, knickers.

      I wouldn't get your knickers in a twist over the M&S lingerie wars - it'll turn out to be nothing more than a storm in a C-cup.

      1. Korev Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: Not pants, knickers.

        You're sounding a bit (under)wired there, have you drunk too much coffee?

    2. Simon Harris Silver badge

      Re: Not pants, knickers.

      IoT - Internet of Thongs.

  11. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

    The ex wife

    Has a heart shaped void.

  12. Sgt_Oddball Silver badge
    Coat

    Bit premature...

    Love sausage only coming on Monday?

    About 4 days too soon surely?

    Mines the one with the meat and two veg in the pockets...

  13. Gene Cash Silver badge

    > two slightly bent sausages gently touching tips

    Well at least they're not leaving out the LGBT groups now...

    Good to see they're being inclusive!

  14. Simon Harris Silver badge

    M&S Love Sausage...

    Are they taking the St. Michael?

  15. Milton Silver badge

    M&S and MS

    Given that we have two top stories about Transparent Crassness In Marketing, from Microsoft's thuddingly stupid attempt to con people into using Office36x to Marks & Spencer's juvenile double entendre, can we at last agree that an eminently practical solution to pollution and scarce resources would be to humanely dispose of all advertising, marketing and sales persons on the planet? I know it seems extreme, but we'll save oxygen and food, reduce CO₂ emissions, provide valuable fertiliser for reforestation and raise the entire species' mean IQ by at least ten points.

    You know it makes sense.

    (Oh, all right, we could retrain a few of them, but there isn't that much demand for dog walkers.)

    Where x gets continually smaller

    1. Vinyl-Junkie

      Re: M&S and MS

      Now where did I put the plans for that 'B' Ark...

    2. Simon Harris Silver badge

      Re: M&S and MS

      Is there a version of MS Office made out of sausages? That might get me to buy it.

    3. O RLY

      Re: M&S and MS

      Not sure if I saw it here on El Reg or another forum, but I like the moniker "Office 350-something" for MS's SaaS moneygrab.

    4. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Re: M&S and MS

      would be to humanely dispose of all advertising, marketing and sales persons

      Why does it have to be "humanely"? Make an example and no one will ever want to be one.

      1. Fred Flintstone Gold badge

        Re: M&S and MS

        I think the Deadpool Zamboni option would at least ensure some entertainment..

    5. This post has been deleted by its author

  16. SVV Silver badge

    What a carry on

    Why didn't they extend this idea to other sections in the food hall, e.g. seafood?

    Say it with crabs– tag who you’ll be sharing your crabs with this Valentine's Day!

    Also, the etrernally popular fruitt & veg based innuendo : plums, melons, etc..

  17. Blake St. Claire

    What kind of "bacon" is that?

    It certainly doesn't look like anything I've ever seen on a plate with eggs, mushrooms, and baked beans in England. Marks and Sparks should be ashamed.

    But it does look like bacon pretty much every where else in the world.

  18. VikiAi Silver badge

    Sorry, I'm holding out for something special - Feb15th: discount chocolate day.

  19. Muscleguy Silver badge

    I make my own sausages, gluten free and generally nicer than most supermarket versions. I had two pork with cider soaked apples with mash, 'shrooms and veg for my tea last night. I can see how you could make one of these. Having filled your casings instead of making standard links you make long links and mould them thus letting them sit for a few hours as you would with normal links to allow them to 'set'. Then wrap with bacon and et voila! the constituents of a 'love sausage'. Should you feel the urge to go there.

    Note if using natural pork casings you would use the natural curve of these in forming the shapes. Failure to do so would I expect result in unpleasant reshaping during the heat of preparation. I would use natural casings for this purpose for that very reason, reasoning that meat eaters happy with extra porky goodness in the bacon wrappings would not be put off by that. M&S in their tradition keeping mode would also be more likely to got there than say Tesco or Asda who have to worry about worried customers with queasier stomachs.

    Besides I find natural casings much easier to work with than the collagen or vegetarian equivalents.

    If I can find sufficient cheap short date chook I might make some more of my Thai style chicken bangers, modelled on ones I had back in Auckland, NZ. Nicely spicy hot with lemongrass, galangal and fish sauce. Those I do put in collagen casings as I think they work best as straight sausages.

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