....a load of old crap, to me.
I mean, they're taking the piss, right?
Steven "I'm so sorry" R
For many people, the toilet is a place of quiet contemplation, somewhere to escape the pressures of work or home for a while. But that might be over soon – as boffins eye up the data they can collect while you're sitting on the throne. As if connecting your fridge, TV, vacuum cleaner and dog to the internet weren't enough, the …
As any Briton kno:
var x = quantity of last night's curry consumed in pounds, presumed to be a standard volume once processed.
var y = quantity of beer consumed last night in pints, which causes dilution of density of x
var z = achieved position above or upon the throne immediately prior to release, in inches
var s = strength of curry: 1 being lowest to 5 being Vindaloo+ (required for speed calculation)
var m = x * y
var f = z/s² (strength squared)
Thus ballistic force is a simple Newtonian calculation of m * f
I presume that "ballistocardiogram" is the recording the loo seat makes of the speed you were ejected off the seat at?
How about adding a few more measurements to the Register System of Units?
Will we see a definition for Cable Length?
Is there a new pressure unit - the grunt strain, perhaps.
And what about all the Ograms, that'll need a raft of new units.
Or is that a shit idea?
I wonder if the willing volunteers were a representative sample of the expected target for this monitoring- that is, someone suffering from chronic heart problems - or whether they were a bunch of young undergrads. I would suggest that if the latter, it invalidates the testing, as the ability to accurately monitor blood-flow and ecg will be much more of a challenge in older patients, who may well suffer from poor circulation which will be exacerbated by sitting on a toilet seat.
For most of the world, this isn't going to mean squat.
Wait! There is a movement to change the way you poo...
urination and defecation put minor stress on the body
In my experience, the amount of stress can vary greatly. Not only does your intake matter, also the manner and timing/timeliness of expulsion can greatly contribute to stress levels. Even the very event may prove stressful. For instance, if it's explosive and unplanned I think stress levels may reach well beyond "minor", especially if there are no trouser clips handy.
These people need to travel a bit more :)
"In my experience, the amount of stress can vary greatly." No kidding! When I've speed-walked the dog the last half-mile home, or dart into the house form the car having barely made it, you can bet my heart is pounding. All manner of stress bubbling around due to fighting an unplanned emergence.
And yanno, once you get past the WTF? factor, this is a pretty good idea.
But what if you have a dicky ticker and you have constipation? the latter is common amongst the older persons.
And what about us athletic types. I have a large, healthy, well used heart with athletic syndrome which means it has the luxury of getting funky at rest with re-entrant phenomena quite common. Passing solids is a parasympathetic thing, you have to be relaxed or nothing happens so such a device is guaranteed to finger my ticker as delinquent.
I had it checked out fairly recently by 24hr ECG because the funkiness had changed, fewer extrasystoles and more atrial flutters. Just an age thing with athletic hearts was the verdict. I can still thrash myself hard up steep hills and 220 minus age for maximum heart rate is still a fiction for me. My running watch keeps putting me there every birthday and I have to put it back up to reality or those hills will have me at 120% heart rate.
here Ya go, MG...cheers
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A group of
well-intentioned academics dickheads have created a toilet seat that will monitor ...
There you go.
Makes you think though: instead of happily wasting all that money and resources ...
How about creating something that will economically solve the lack of potable water that still is the direct source of infant death in more than a 1/3 of the world's population in the f*cking 21st century?
All I want from the toilet seat of tomorrow is improved thermal properties; a low thermal conductivity and a low heat capacity.
Picture the scene. It's a cold Winter's day, and I've been trying to put business off as long as possible; but now there is no way to continue to pretend the situation is anything shy of urgent. Unfortunately, by this time, the quantity involved is now greater than can be disposed of in the time for which my leg muscles can reliably maintain me in a "hover"; thus requiring actual bum-to-seat contact.
"All I want from the toilet seat of tomorrow is improved thermal properties; a low thermal conductivity and a low heat capacity."
Already available for at least the past 30+ years ...... Plastic loo seats, with the right plastic it is never cold !!!
Any problems with heat retention from previous 'users' can be solved with a can of compressed air which will 'chill' down the seat if used carefully without risk of 'freezing'.
Yeah, I seem to remember it being a jewelers, where you had to have spent over some value with them in a single purchase to use the solid gold toilet in the solid gold bathroom with gemstone encrusted solid gold everything.
Austin: Who are you, baby?
Ivana: Ivana. Ivana Humpalot.
Austin: Excuse me?
Ivana: Ivana Humpalot.
Austin: And I Vanna toilet made out of solid gold, but its just not in the cards now, is it? [laughs]
Any piece of technology trying to monitor/read any aspect of my health will find it is much more difficult to perform its function with an axe embedded in it, in short order. Do not want. My health basically never existed as such, and I don't want any further complication detected and announced to me any sooner than absolutely unavoidable. Yes, it's a conscious choice trading whatever hypothetical extension could be obtainable for a significantly less miserable existence up to that point, both in a physical and psychological sense. YMMV, feel free to disagree all you want and live your life any way you see fit, but I'm not taking advice concerning mine. Particularly not from a toilet seat...
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